The last time Lance was there to coach the practices was monday. A week later than he had originaly supposed to leave. The team gave him a football signed by all of them. Lance was very moved and smiled brightly at them one by one when he found their names. When it was time he found Merlin's name, written in a small lettering like not wanting to be found, Lance smiled at Merlin warmly. Merlin would have actually found it easier if Lance had been angry at him. He felt so very quilty even after Arthur, Gwen and even Vivian (who Merlin had called in need of distraction) had told him that it was not his fault.
Lance told them that he had found a nice job with younger children on the other side of the city, but promised he would visit their games. Most of the practice they didn't even play and even Arthur didn't comment on that, the mood just wasn't right for that and everyone kept close by Lance talking and complainin and making him promise over and over again that he would come to some game or camp or party or whereever and Lance kept answering that he would be there and he reminded many of them about their strenghts and about some great or funny moments.
Merlin easily managed to slip further from Lance, but eventually Lance took notice of him and made his way to stand next to Merlin. He patted Merlin on his shoulder while he spoke to him "And Merlin, thank you for your help, It has been a pleasure working with you." Merlin looked down "I wish I could have helped more." Lance caught his double meaning and smiled at him. "Merlin, you have done enough." It was a simple sentence but the words rang in Merlin's ears the whole day and somehow he found he could believe in them. He felt much better after that. He was sure he would see Lance again.
The new teacher they got didn't care a rat's ass if Merlin was present or not and signed him extra credit if he showed his face to him after the practice so Merlin made a habit of helping for the first half an hour and disappearing then to meet his friends. He would be back precisely five minutes before the practice was over. Gwaine and Gaius were both pleased that Merlin visited more often and Merlin managed to gain some weight by eating Gwaine's cookings two days a week and seeing Gaius afterwards made him relax. Merlin had started to connect his ability to digest food to his stress levels and his stress levels seemed to drop the moment he left home with Arthur and even more so the moment he stepped into Gwaine's store. For him it had been a good thing that Lance got fired after all. He felt selfish thinking that, but he was happy to see Gwaine and Gaius more often.
Arthur on the other hand was not happy at all. The new teacher didn't care enough about the team to meet Arthur's standards so all the pressure rested now on his shoulders. He tired to remember all the advice Lance had given him and he even called him now and then to ask for advice. Arthur was often late in their garden trying to plan the whole three hours himself. He had worked like mad to arrage the team again so he could coach himself and while he missed playing himself, it was just impossible to play while coatching.
The team didn't like their new teacher either which affected the whole mood. Even Merlin sometimes got the short end of the stick when some of the players snapped at him when the day wasn't good or his timing was bad. Lee had even once lost his temper complitely and told Merlin that there was no point in just helping half an hour, why couldn't he care enough to stay for the whole practices?! He had apologized soon after really embarrassed about his behaviour. Merlin didn't mind too much, he understood where they were coming from. One day he managed to rise the team spirit a bit by ordering everyone a sandwich from Gwaine's and reminding them of having fun. Arthur had beamed at Merlin but Merlin could tell how much he was truly affected by this. It wasn't easy to lead a team alone and few sadwiches were not going to fix what had gone with Lance.
Arthur kept telling himself that he had lived in a delusion that he could do it alone and well, he felt like he had an endless heap of things to learn. In all the years he had stressed in his life of his grades and appearance, he had never stressed this much on a personal level and it took its toll on Arthur. When he noticed one day that the new coatch had abandoned all the paperwork he and Lance had used to recall what had happened in each practices, Arthur was sure his work would collapse into its own impossibility and soon. If he didn't know that the team depended on him, he was sure he would give up.
And then there was Merlin... His being in every practice was something that made Arthur leave the house every monday and thursday. Arthur wished that Merlin would stay there trough the whole practices, but he didn't dare to ask. Merlin needed his time with Gaius and Gwaine and while Arthur felt that he didn't even see Merlin at home if they weren't playing football he could tell that Merlin looked better than just two weeks ago. Some nights Arthur felt that he just wanted to curl on Merlin's lap and ask him to comfort him, but he didn't dare to ask that either. He didn't feel he deserved that and if he had time for that, maybe he should do something, anything more. They had lost the game against their rival school and Arthur knew that if Lance had been there, they would have won. His team was better... Arthur just couldn't get them to play like he wanted to and the new coach just wasn't in tune with his methods at all.
Being so much alone at home while Arthur stressed about football made Merlin eventually depressed and bored out of his mind. He could read Gaius' books only so much and he didn't like to face his mother too much. Hunith also had gotten extra shifts from the hospitals and she spend more evenings there than home now. Even thought Merlin had really consentrated on eating after what had hapened with Lance and he had seen thinner days, now he at least didn't have those shivering in cold periods, he again found fatigue hitting him now and then strongly. He had started to wear his hoodie again to hide his tinniness even though it was summer. That helped with the cold also, but not with the fatigue.
Some of Arthur's team mates had commented on him that they couldn't comprehend how he could manage a long-sleeved shirt plus jumper in the middle of the summer but Merlin had just brushed it of with comments of how he couldn't comprehend why a bunch of them wanted to run after a ball in a field on their free time and it had gotten a regular joke in the team. Now he at least had energy to lie better.
Uther had taken Merlin on most of the nights lately and Merlin wondered if it had something to do with the fact that his mother wasn't home on so many nights. Uther had made a habbit of coming earlier, barely half an hour after Arthur had gotten to sleep (which didn't matter much, Arthur slept like a dead nowadays) and before Hunith came home. It wasn't unusual that Merlin could hear his mother closing the front door when Uther exited his room. He refused to think what Uther did with his mother in their bedroom, but it still made it even harder to look at his mother's face.
Merlin had seen Gwen couple of times when she came to see the football practices with Elyan and she had told him that she and Lance were now officially together. That They had gone to dinner with Gwen's father and that they had gotten very well along. Merlin was happy for her and relieved that Lance could have this. He saw the brightness in Gwen's eyes and he knew everything would be alright. Their age difference hadn't gotten in the way and Lance's intentions had been pure. Merlin was sad he hadn't been able to help along the way because of his insecurities and he regretted doubting both of them now, but he was happy because one of his worries finally melted from his heart. Gwen was throwing a birthday party soon and she told Merlin that she would announce her and Lance's relationship there "This time no being sick, you have to see my brothers face!" Merlin laughed at this and he promised to be there.
What Gwen didn't tell Merlin was that she and Lance had talked about him. Lance had told Gwen how Merlin had been protecting her and Gwen had told him how she had known it all along. They both had agreed that Merlin was an important friend to both of them and they had laughed at somethings Merlin had done or said. But the conversation had taken a different direction when Lance had voiced his worry for Merlin. Gwen had to agree to his worries and she finaly confessed how sometimes Merlin didn't have appetite and he seemed like he didn't want to talk about somethings. Lance had told how stright hold Uther had on Merlin. That he had really gotten worried when Uther had practically made Merlin say what he wanted to hear. In the end Lance had told her how he had decided to call social workers. How he had to do something. The social service had told him that it would probably take another three to four weeks before anything happened and the only thing they could do, was to wait.
The snowball was rolling and while social service had added Merlin on their list of visits, Lance wasn't the only one who had decided that it was time to do something.
One monday two weeks after Lance had left, when Merlin visited Gwaine, he suddenly felt faint. This was nothing new and even Gwaine had seen that happen that one day when Merlin first ate an omelet in Gwaine's kitchen. This time however when Gwaine moved a chair closer to him and took a hold of his side to guide him to sit, Merlin winced and jumped to another direction covering the place Gwaine had just touched. Gwaine looked at Merlin confused and Merlin mumbled something about getting a football to his stomach but Gwaine didn't buy it. Not this time. He had seen this pattern before, he just hadn't recognised it in Merlin before. Someone had hit Merlin. Either he was being bullied (which was unlikely because at school Arthur would have surely done something), he was mixed in with some bad company (even more unlikely) or there was violence in his home.
Gwaine knew better than to press Merlin right now and just got him some juice to drink. Why hadn't he got it earlier? The adverting eyes and drinking… The obvious 'I'm fine I just fell on the stairs' type of stories. He mentally kicked himself. His old man had been right. He would loose his touch and he would regret it one day. 'What you have once learned is impossible to ignore later in life' he heard his father tell him 'Yeah, yeah, get out of my head you old goat' He thought but his humour was gone.
He made Merlin eat before he left for Gaius with his four beers and one bottle of sparkling wine for his friends birthday party. (Gwaine had sold it when Merlin had told that Gwen and Lance were becoming official and that half of the football team would be there). Gwaine had to do something. He sighed. He would close the store tomorrow and do the last thing he wanted to do. He would go to meet his old man. 'Because once you have learned something…' If he was in luck he never had to tell his dad how many of his rantings he remembered.
Right now his luck seemed very thin.
Gwen's birthday party was the talk of the week. Arthur had somehow gotten a permission from his father (Merlin would never understand how, but he had heard snippets of a very, very politely phraced fight-ish what ever that had been) for them both to go and Uther was also going to some kind of fancy party with Hunith. Most of the football team would be there. Merlin had learned during the time he and Gwen had known each others that Gwen didn't have that many close girl friends, she preferred boys company most of the time and while she had invited Vivian, she handn't gotten a permission to go from his father. Vivian had even called to Merlin to complain how she was stuck at home and never got to do anything fun.
"If this continues, I'll have read every book on the planet by the time I'm eighteen!" She had whined and ranted on to Merlin for almost an hour. She had even practically commanded Merlin to come and get her out of the house causing Merlin to seriously doubt her logic. If his father wouldn't let his daughter to a party with boys in it, how would he let Vivian go alone somewhere with Merlin? He had toned Vivian down by telling her that he didn't have a car and ask Arthur instead. Vivian had huffed him and told that there was no way in hell that his father would let her leave with Arthur. In the end Vivian had been pleased when she had managed to bully Merlin to promise he would call her more often.
When Merlin had dressed to a button up shirt and black trousers and hid the sparkling wine into his bag, he was ready to leave. He had chosen a purple shirt he had bought with Gwen's influence and he hoped that Arthur would like how he looked. In a way that felt silly because Arthur had seen him everyday for the past two years so how much could one shirt make a difference? He was still too thin and still lanky and he still had too big ears. He sighed to himself, 'well, lets pretend at least for now that it even matters.'
Arthur was packing his car when Merlin walked to the garage. Their parents had already left so they had already promised to behave and be home by midnight and not drink even if someone brings alcohol and…. the list went on. Merlin was just happy that they weren't reminded of how to call to an emergency number or to be careful with stoves. Still he had felt like a normal family for a while and maybe that was why he had energy to worry how he looked in a shirt that his friend had practically forced him to buy.
Arthur looked up from what he was doing and stopped midway. Merlin looked nice. The colour suited him well and to see him in something else than a hood and loose pants… Arthur liked it. Very much. "So you do own some other clothes besides that jumper…" He still wasn't going to tell it to Merlin so easily. Merlin frowned at him and commented back "Well at least I don't dress to every single party in the same old vest…" Arthur looked down at himself. He happened to like this vest. It was just the right size (it had been tailored to him) and it was red, what was there not to like? "I just find something that is perfect, so why change?"
Merlin rolled his eyes and gave Arthur his bag while moving to his seat. Arthur put Merlin's stuff gently on the truck. There were their presents and one bottle of sparkling wine for celebration. They had planned on opening the bottle when Gwen and Lance told everyone they were together. It was their second present: open support. Even Arthur didn't have any objections when Merlin had suggested it. There were going to be at least twenty people so having a sip wouldn't hurt anyone, but it would be a nice gesture.
They left and they talked about this and that and Arthur felt like he could finaly remember again who he was. He felt really present and there with Merlin. For once he wasn't going in loops in his head of what he should do or shouldn't have done in the next or the last practice and so on. Merlin also seemed just... Arthur couldn't quite put his finger on it, but maybe relaxed? Or calm? Or just Merlin...
When they parked on the road Gwen lived in, Arthur took a hold of Merlin's hand "Could you kiss me?" Merlin didn't miss that Arthur used the exact same words Merlin had used to ask him the first time. He looked around but saw no-one. The car was also dark so it was hard to see inside so he finally nodded. He waited Arthur to do something but when he didn't Merlin realised Arthur had asked Merlin to kiss him.
Merlin licked his lips nervously and leaned towards Arthur. He was hesitant and clumsy. He normally didn't initiate anything and the ankle was awkward. And it had been almost a week since they had last kissed and it had been only a small good night kiss. Arthur came to Merlin's aid soon and he moved his lips against Merlin's until he felt himself relax. He felt so good right here by Merlin's side. Kissing Arthur also melted Merlin's fear for a second and he briefly thought that if he could get this more often he would probably be more addicted to this than to alcohol.
When Arthur broke the kiss naturally he didn't leave, instead he hugged Merlin warmly and whispered to his ear "You look good in that shirt." Merlin shivered pleasantly. He breathed in with pleasure and he again felt the need to be closer. Merlin closed his eyes for a moment and imagined he didn't have to go anywhere.
Then he breathed Arthurs scent in and pulled himself apart from Arthur. They sat there for a moment and the left the car in mutual silence.
Most of the people had already arrived and Gwen seemed the happiest person alive. Merlin hugged his friend warmly and Arthur gave her their presents. Gwen thanked them and opened her presents with excitement. Merlin had bought her a pretty notebook and a necklace shaped like a spiral that made a shape of tear with one small purple stone in the middle and Arthur had gotten Gwen her own football so Elyan would stop complaining about Gwen stealing his. Elyan saw this and whined about why did Gwen have a better ball than he had now and looked the pendant Merlin had given her suspiciously.
"No, Merlin isn't my mystery boyfriend." Gwen said in a tone that told Merlin that Gwen had said this line very often in the past few weeks. "I just hope it's not Oliver…" He pointed to behind him and Merlin saw Oliver sitting on the couch wearing a popcorn bowl as a hat and telling something in a loud voice to everyone who was willing to listen. Arthur raised his eyebrow and Gwen rolled her eyes. "I told you I'll tell you today, so bugger off and get some more popcorn to your friend's hat." Elyan commented how lucky Arthur was to have a brother instead of a sister but knowing his own good, disappeared soon after.
Merlin soon spotted Lance sitting in a quiet corner and Merlin made his way to meet him. They talked a while and Merlin was glad to see him happy and content in his new job and seemingly happy to see Merlin also. At some point Gwen came there to take Lance by hand and told them "I can't wait, my brother will drive me crazy in two minutes." She had the pendant Merlin had given her in her neck and Merlin smiled at her. He also rose up to get the sparkling wine Arthur had smuggled to the fridge.
When Merlin got the wine out he heard Gwen gathering everyones attention. "Alright, first of all, happy birthday for me!" All cheered. Merlin knew everyone liked Gwen and that was not a miracle of any sorts. Still he was a worried of what especially those in the football team was going to say when Gwen would drop the bomb. "As maybe some of you have heard my dear brother whine, I have a boyfriend and I want to make it official today…" There was some disappointed sounds heard from the living room, everyone had heard Elyan go around trying to find out who Gwen was dating. While some had really been disappointed the crowd now was just joking as dramatically as they could.
Gwen laughed a bit nervously (if someone asked Merlin) and cleared her throat she must have looked at Lance or taken a hold of his hand because Merlin heard 'Oohs' and catcalls and he decided it was time to open the bottle. The wire around it was hard to open and he was afraid of the cork, so Merlin was glad to see Arthur walk to help him to open the bottle while he took some plastic cups for everyone. They walked to the living room and they saw Elyan look like an owl eyes wide and his mouth open and others congratulating Gwen and Lance. Merlin heard many tell they had known all along. He wasn't too convinced about that...
Gwen caught Merlin's eyes and he smiled at her brightly. He pointed at Arthur who just popped the crock off and everybody cheered. It was a wonder how thin line there was in between a crowd like this screaming a bloody murder and celebrateing something together like it was the best thing that had happened in their lives ever. Merlin had been prepared to both possibility and he was extremely happy that he didn't have to use the wine bottle as a weapon to get Gwen to safety trough window like he and Arthur had half jokingly planned.
Arthur poured the wine a small amount to everyone who came to get some from him and Merlin took three glasses and made his way to give them to Gwen and Lance. Gwen took hers and hugged Merlin tightly. Merlin answered to the hug equally. When he let go of Gwen he looked at Lance smiling "Or am I not allowed to do that anymore?" He asked lightly from Lance. Lance smiled at him and replied to him with a joking tone "Well, I'm not sure… should I allow that?" He looked at Gwen who smiled at him brightly, put her arm around Merlin's shoulder and pulled him to her side "No way you have any saying on that." Merlin put his arm around Gwen's waist and laughed "Yeah, my friend first, your girlfriend second." Gwen giggled and Lance rose his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright, I will surrender in front of your friendship." They both laughed and Merlin let go of Gwen. They clicked (or what ever sound you get with three plastic cups) the cups together and took a sip. Merlin liked the taste. It was fresh and a bit sweet and it was cold… That alone made it better than his room temperature beer in his closet.
They talked a while and Gwen told him again how much she liked her new pendant. Merlin advised Lance to buy her some jewellery and Lance told him that he would take Merlin with him to help out, he was horrible with jewellery. Merlin had such a good time. They eventually got separated when Elyan came to take Lance to the side to have a 'talk' with him as he called it and Gwen had to talk to other people as well.
Merlin soon found himself from the company of Arthur and even if Arthur was mostly talking with his team mates and Merlin just listened, he had good time. He didn't even care much when some people sat next to him or when they slapped him to his back or shoulder. He could even laugh at some of the many comments how Lance had taken Gwen from under his nose. To his surprise Jordan, who happened to be near when Merlin was told some of the most annoying comments of the night, stepped in and told them to "bugger off, Merlin and Gwen are just friends and that's annoying". That had stopped the comments for a while and Merlin had thanked Jordan who had just waved his arm to his direction dismissing his thanks "Any time." he had told him. Maybe there was some hope in his people skills after all.
When the night went on and more and more people wasted to sit on the sofa, Merlin found himself squeezed to Arthurs side. He wouldn't have minded if there weren't so may pairs of eyes potentially looking at their direction. But Arthur didn't seem to notice and he just continued to talk and laugh and have fun and eventually Merlin also relaxed. At some point however, the ever so bright Oliver sat on someones lap and when pushed out he decided to lie on top of everyone currently sitting on the sofa. This caused commotion and a general 'lets make a pile' phenomenon. Soon everyone tried do get to the couch and Merlin was left to the bottom of it all. There were limbs and struggling everywhere and when someones butt literally squeezed against Merlins face he found himself petrified. He felt guilty for betraying everyone like this. If they knew he was gay they would most definitely not sit and lie on his lap.
Arthur was right next to him and he must have noticed his discomfort because he asked "Are you ok?" He had to yell to get trough all the noise and screaming and pushing and limbs. Someone happened to elbow Merlin to his cheek at the moment and he replied "Who could be ok, when your oversized team is crushing me under them?" Arthur kind of laughed and pushed his arms trough to protect Merlin. He wrapped his arms around him and covered him with his upper body. Merlin blushed like he had never before. What was Arthur thinking!? They were in a couch full of football players and he was hugging him?!
Merlin was about to protest when Arthur lifted him up from where he stood causing an awful lot of his mates to fall from the couch. They seemed hysterical and Arthur asked them if they wanted to burry them alive, "go to the bottom yourself and see how fun it is!". He had let go of Merlin just in time for it to seem just normal helping someone up from a (normal?) pile of humans. "You mean we are burying Merlin alive?" Someone commented and suddenly Merlin found himself from the top of the pile, sitting on someones stomach trying to hold his balance by hanging on someones feet. Arthur was pushed back to the bottom and someone pulled Gwen to the pile. The pile swayed and changed its form every second and Merlin actually found himself next to Gwen and they both giggled and held onto each others for support. It was childish fun and Merlin found himself enjoying it enormously. He had needed this.
When it was close to midnight, Merlin hugged Gwen one last time and wished her happy birthday and good luck with Lance. Gwen took one of her hair flowers of and pinned it to Merlin's pocket. Merlin smiled at her and he felt that this was a person dear to him. He waved at Lance and then he and Arthur left. When they sat in the car, Arthur took the flower off from Merlin's pocket and put it in Merlin's hair behind his ear. "Now, better." He said and started the car. "I didn't know you were into these kind of things." Merlin commented fluttering his eyelashes at him. Arthur almost drove to a three at that and Merlin laughed at his reaction so hard that he had to hold his sides.
Arthur had to collect himself for a second. Had Merlin just flirted with him? That was certainly unusual. Merlin was so happy and he felt so carefree that it didn't even bother him to lean onto Arthur and say in a girly voice "So you like my flower? It's pretty isn't it?" Arthur pushed him back to his own side with "Merlin!" and Merlin just laughed. Still, he didn't take the flower off and Arthur noticed that. "I don't really- I like you the way you are better…" He finally mumbled keeping his eyes on the road. He didn't want Merlin to think on any level that he would like him better in a dress. Arthur shuddered, that just wasn't his thing. Merlin looked a bit surprised and stored the words into his heart even though his mind told him that he would change a lot of things about himself that Arthur didn't even know existed.
It was just past midnight when they drove home and Hunith was in the kitchen waiting for them. She smiled at them and didn't say anything it being ten minutes past. Hunith told them that Uther had stayed behind to make some sort of deal with his client and that he would stay in a hotel because he had an early meeting. Merlin couldn't think any more perfect way to end this day and he felt light when he was getting upstairs after telling some details of the party to his mother and wishing her good night. He had even told her about the sparkling wine and while Arthur had been ready to face palm when he had realised what Merlin was doing, Hunit hadn't seemed to mind. She understood that a botle of wine divided to twenty-something people was harmless. And when she just asked if they had liked the taste, Arthur could also tell that he had liked it. It felt weird, Arthur had never been able to share something like this with his father and sitting in their kitchen at midnight listening how Merlin told how he would want some for his 18th birthday and Hunith commenting on how she remembered having some rose sparkling wine in one very nice restaurant and how Merlin could maybe like that one, Arthur felt warm and somehow very excited. Maybe a little bit free. He had done something that was normaly very much not allowed and now he could talk about it with his ... family... like it had been a fun little adventure.
When Arthur had closed his door after Hunith had told them in a playful tone that she at least needed to sleep, it was quarted past one. Arthur couldn't remember when he had last time stayed awake so late. Nor when he had talked like that with his father this long. Or if he ever had. The morning after his 15th birthday seemed to be the closest thing Arthur could think of. It felt a little bit sad thinking it like that, but Arthur couldn't really feel bad today. His evening had been perfect. But there was an old hurt rising its head inside of him and on a moments impulse, Arthur took out his cell and sent a text to his sister. She was the one Arthur had had these moments when they had been little. when their father had been away at nights, they had howled inside Morgana's room and they had goofed around, stayed up too late at times, wrestled around the room (Morgana used to always win before Arthur gained some muscle from playing football) and sometimes Morgana reading Arthur stories. Once they had loaned a horror movie from one of Morgana's older friends and they had been unable to sleep for most of the night.
Still Arthur didn't hold too much hope of getting a reply. He wasn't actually sure if Morgana still had this number at all. It had always been out of service when Arthur had tried to call her. Arthur wondered where and what she was doing nowadays. Maybe he could ask his father? No... his mood always turned sour when Morgana was mentioned and it was bad enough as it was after what happened with Lance and he wasn't pleased about Arthur's team losing matches. Apparently one of the players in the opposing team of the last match was a son of some business partner and he had rubbed the victory all over Uther's face... Arthur would never understand this side of competive sprots.
After shower Arthur still felt lighter than in weeks and happier that he thought he deserved. Thoughts of what he should do on mondays' practice was however seeping into his mind but he decided that he was not going to think those right now. He could almost hear Merlin's voice in his head telling him to stop being such a worry wrat, more pondering in the middle of the night and he would explode and what good did an exploded captain do for his team? Arthur chuckled at the thought and he made a decision. He would stop worrying so much and he would get the team to funktion on his own way. He would stop trying to be himself plus Lance and he definitely would not give a second thought of what the new coach wanted. He could do that, right? Right now he felt that he had the courage to at least try. His mind already ried to form a new plan and he felt excited and like now he was not just trying to survive, but he had a real direction.
But soon he also noted that it was late and he had no way of doing what he needed right now (Arthur always formed plans better if he tested moves or even just kicked ball around while thinking) and he didn't want to start doing useless loops right now, so he made another decision. He rose up, put a shirt on and made his way to Merlin's door.
Merlin had just finnished his long and blisfully warm shower and was just changing to a pyjama when Arthur knocked his door. He pulled his shirt on quickly before answering the door. Arthur was standing in now dark corridor looking a bit unsure. "Well, father is out so I was wondering if you would like to sleep in my room tonight?" In any other night Merlin would have done differently but now he was just happy. He nodded and took his blanket and pillow and followed Arthur to his room.
Normally if he had come even this far he would have gone straight to the couch but not today. He jumped to Arthur's bed and made himself comfortable. "Hey!" Arthur was surprised and sounded scandalized but his heart raced like crazy. "You can sleep on the couch. You invited me here so I get to choose." Merlin just said and closed his eyes. He wasn't sure if he could hold his poker face if Arthur asked him anything even remotely seriously, like why did he want to sleep in his bed but luckily Arthur felt the same. "Well, I'm not sleeping on a couch. I'm not you." With that he rolled Merlin to the another side of the bed and lied next to him. Merlin was completely rolled to his blanket so Merlin didn't feel too exposed and feeling the bed move with Arthur trying to have a better position and feeling the heat radiating from him felt so good…
Soon Arthur settled down and Merlin still kept his eyes closed, his back turned to Arthur. He didn't want to brake this moment. Arthur also remained quiet but soon Merlin heard movement again. "You are too far away…" Arthur mumbled and Merlin felt him pull his blanket and he rolled to his back with the pull. Arthur put his arm under Merlins pillow and settled to his side next to Merlin. Merlin froze for a second but when Arthur closed his own eyes and remained quiet after that, Merlin started to relax.
They both had full pyjamas and blankets and the nearest part of Arthur was his arm under Merlin pillow. Still Merlin felt closer to Arthur than ever before. Still it didn't bother him at all. He had been so sure that after what he had gone trough with Uther he would be unable to be like this ever. Bed had become something that reminded him of pain and humiliation but while he was lying here next to Arthur, it was different. This bed felt soft and he felt like he had control in this situation. If he wanted he could push Arthur's hand away. If he wanted he could go to the couch or to his own room. And Arthur would let him go. Merlin was sure of that.
That thought made Merlin relax even further and he snuggled a bit closer to Arthur. He could see every eyelash and every hair on Arthur's head. He was that close and he could just enjoy it while Arthur's eyes were closed. He smiled and on a moments impulse he kissed Arthur's forehead. Arthur's eyes remained closed but Merlin saw a smile play on his lips. Merlin thought that this must be the most amazing sight he could ever see in his life. He relaxed on his side, his face just centimetres from Arthur's face. When he drifted to sleep he hoped everyday could be like this. He wondered if every day was like this to some people. He hoped they would be for Gwen and Lance.
A/N So Gwaine is on the move now too and we will see in the next chapter what he will do... The nect chapter is called 'Percival' and it is yours for 15 reviews ;)
Btw I just realised how dirty that sounded when Merlin asked if Arthur likes his flower, but I decided that if it took me this long to get that, neither of them noticed... :P
I still stand by that I have the most awesome reviewers. You really comment in a way that make me think further everything I have already written. I feel that I have bettered this story so much because of you all. Thank you, please keep asking questions, speculating and commenting this story. I really appreciate all of it and you make it possible for me to keep getting better and better.
LordOfTehRainbow Interesting point that you are still getting surpriced by Uther's coldness, it is much like what Merlin is feeling. He knows he should have learned to expect everything, that he should be able by now just to lie down and take it all and just live with it till he can move out. But no, it's not that easy. Some of your questions were answered already in this chapeter, but yes, there will be a court scene. I wanted to do this properly, some friends going to beat the predator to a bulp is not the right thing to do nor will it really help. Violence seldomly is the right answer to violence. Even if it is tempting... I also enjoyed Arthur fithing with his father, for some reason I really like how Arthur is quite calm most of the time and when he finaly snaps (usually in order to protect Merlin or some other of his freinds) it feels so great. Also in the show. Like when Arthur defied Uther's orders to go and get a remedy for Merlin or when he fought with him if Lance could be a knith or not.
Caelanora I have used over half a year to write this fic and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to live without a happy ending either! Thank you for your praise, I think I have learned a lot about spelling and stuff while writing this fic and I'm so happy to hear that there are people out there who have enjoyed this story so far :) And there is still hope for Merlin to get better, as this chapter showed, his spirit is not broken, he is still our Merlin.
8OrangeMatilda8 Yeah, Uther was not this bad in the show... Yes he beheaded innocent people just because they had magic, but he was more like a front of a flawed justice system and he was doing openly what he believed was right and in some aspects he succeeded. And some of the sorcerers were bad, spreading sickness and death. My version of him is making a horrible crime towards an underaged boy, so I would be a bit dissapointed in myself if you had told me that they were equally horrible... ;) And while Lance did make matter worse, Merlin knows that he meant well and the connection they have was not going to brake over this so all in all Lance is doing great and helping Merlin by staying in his life. He is such a delight.
bubzchoc Thank you :)
Skypeoplephoenix732 You really have this whole sub-plot going on don't you? Please keep Uthers phone camera out of the servers of the world until I have finnished this story, you would ruin my plot. :P Hmm... I could try to write something about Gwen's ded... but sorry, I had no idea how to add it to this chapter, but I'll search for a place I could for example add some thoughts from Lance so he could remember it a bit maybe... And yep, Uther is now sailing in the border of really, permanently, physically damaging Merlin and that is horrible but also not wise at all on Uther's part... Even if he thinks he can hide this, how the hell would he hide a strangled body of his step-son?! Idiot...
Guest Yes, finaly! I loved writing that chapter and it was really easy too with the source material :) God the show was great... Anyway, I would hope that every one had someone to tell them that they are alright and every homosexual could feel that there was not even a need to ask if there is something wring with them. That Merlin has Gaius who is like a parent to him is awesome and that Gaius was able to tell Merlin calmly, without doupt and with Merlin's level, not patronicing or pitying, was great. But to be fair, he has been thinking those things trough himself many years ago... And rest assure, Merlin will indeed 'sit down' and tell Gwaine everything... eventually. Just wait for it ;)
BluesAvalon 'real-life biography of a traumatic child' Wow. That is such a high compliment, so many thanks! I never would have dreamed to get a comment like this! I am so going to print your comment out and stick it to my calendar so if I have a bad day, I can red it again :) My goal was to make a realistic story that could be related, but I never thought that I would really succeed this being a fanfic and all... So again, thank you. Not only for your review, but believing in me from the start. I still remember that you were my first follower :)
Angel Dove1 Yes, finaly! And even if Lance failed now, this far from over. It just needs the frst one to step up and the others with worries will react too and it is very hard to ignore when you have worries if someone else too is voicing them. Like how Arthur felt when Lance showed up. How unlucky that Hunith wasn't home and I can tell you that Uther, nor Merlin told her about that. And Arthur didn't even think of the posibility, he's used to solve problems himself with a father like Uther... And I had a bit of a tight scedule yesterday and the reviews had just popped up while I was at work, so I had to do the final proof reading in a bus way home, but really I have done most of the work, so I'm happy to update more often if it means that I get this much amazing feed back for my work :)
Cool :) Thank you! I hope you enjoyed this one too!
Thejammysod I'm happy that I was able to portrait Merlins fear well, it was not that easy in english for me... About the social workers... I really appreciate the work they do and they really do a lot and I have tried my best not to portrait them in a bad light even if I can tell you that Merlin will not like them at all... But that has nothing to do with the worker, but Merlin and his fear of Uther, I'm sure you can understand. Thank you for telling me all that, there are some differences in my country I thing. Here social workers (as far as I know) always go in pairs to home visits and they can come unanounced if they want to confirm a filed complaint. It's afcourse different if a family is being visited regularly. I hope that I have written that scene satisfyingly even for you! I'm sure that you know much more than me, so feel free to comment and tell me if I got something wrong, I would appreciate that! :)
Guest My first reaction was litteraly O.o Oh my God what is this? But no appologies, I loved it all! I have never seen that long review and if you have more, please write! I would love to hear more from you :) You had some very interesting speculations and you know, that is the exact same way I worked when I created the plot for this. Like if they did this and then they went there and how would these people react and what would have to happen then and eventually I found the plot as it is now. I hope that you will like the rest of it. Unfortunately Uther was not that stupid that he would rape Merlin before a party with Arthur home and all... He would have waited till Merlin got home but today he had work... so we are still waiting. And yes Arthur is dense. I took most of it from the show, but now that you mentioned it, yes, he should have thought of his father hitting Merlin... But actually... I hadn't thought about that :P Ups... But he has seen his father rise his fist only once and then Uther and Morgana had been practically screaming to each others for God knows how long and it's kind of hard to imagine Merlin in that excact same situation so... But yeah Arthur is dense. About merlin getting hospitalised... I thought it hard and long, but Uther wouldn't put him into hospital, he knows what is at stake and that is the exact reason why he keeps hiiting Merlin in the middle torso area. The only thing that he really doesn't take seriously enough, is Merlins weight. If he was to collapse in front of Hunith, Arthur or anyone in the school, he would be sent straight to hospital. Uther kind of trusts (falsely) that Arthur would cover those kind of things up though... And Merlin (not falsely) doctor or nurse would really be alarmed about Merlins health, but right now there would not be much evidence of a rape I'm afraid, but about
mersan123 Hi! Nice to 'see' you again! :) I was kind of lonely when you didn't review the last chapter... I was so happy to see a new review from you :) And yes, that house is horrible place and it would be logical to run away, but at that age, or in any age actually, it's hardly an option to run away from everything one knows. When someone is in that horrible situation, they can't really see that the life outside of what they know would be better. Merlin too, he thinks that whoever he would tell that he is homosexual, they would most likely treat him with the same disgust than Uther or laugh at him and if he ever told someone about the abuse, they would think that it was Merlin's fault. Uther has damaged much more than just taken Merlin's virginity or hurt him physicaly. But yes, he is strong and way stronger than I would have ever been in that kind of situation. Uther will be furious, that much is clear, but the social service is trained to help and even if they make mistakes like everyone, let's see what they can do for Merlin :)
MillaMaxwell12 So close yes, but only we know that. Merlin feels that he is hiding himself bretty well and that he has covered up his blunder and to Arthur and Hunith it feels that they don't understand Merlin but they want to so much... But there are too many pieces missing. But soon... I promise you soon. :)
Funce Hey! Thank you so much for those corrections, those kind of words are very hard for me, but I'll stick that list on the side of my computer and I'll try to pay extra attention to them :) I'm also usually skeptical of AU fics so I kind of surpriced myself when I decided to start one myself... I'm super flattered that you think my english is that good and great that you like this story, I'll keep updating! Please if you notice more mistakes, don't hesitate to tell me about them :)
Seline Feline You know Finland excists? Wow :D Where are you from? And that's an interesting hobby you got, if you are interested I can tell you a thing or two about finnish language. First being that we don't actually have a letter 'c'. It's only in words that are borrowed like 'celsius'. Letter 'c' is a pain in the ass when playing scrable... we rarely also use 'g' in the begining of a word. I can only think of borrowed words for that either... Uther is really not as careful as he was in the start and his violence has also been escalating and he really doesn't take Merlin's health into consideration... Horrible, horrible man. And we are close, I can tell you that :)