05.

TITLE: gravity

WORD COUNT: 1,206

SUMMARY: Ichigo is scared of what he may become, and tries to get Renji to promise to do something should that day arrive.

RATING: R (just the two of them in each other's arms, no naughty bits.)

NOTE: The fifth installment of this series, and the third I wrote if I'm not wrong, though that probably doesn't matter at all seeing how long ago that was... Inspired by Sakamoto Maaya's song of the same name - it's a masterpiece, go listen to it. That, and Ichigo's multiple battles with his inner Hollow throughout the entire series - specifically, the one where he battles White/Zangetsu in order to subdue him with help from the Visored. That line where White/Zangetsu taunts him after he got defeated got me thinking, and voila.

Something is pulling me/I feel the gravity of it all

- Sakamoto Maaya, "gravity"

The cries were growing far too loud for Ichigo to ignore anymore, like how he had done in the past through sheer willpower and clenched fists, gritted teeth, narrowed eyes. Even after he had subdued and learnt how to control the Hollow within him with help from Shinji and the rest of the Visored (and a good thrashing or eleven from Hiyori and that accursed slipper of hers, once she was back up on her feet, for having nearly killed her without any good reason), Ichigo could still, from time to time, hear the maniacal shrieks of the Hollow within him, the one he had barely defeated.

It cackled, howled, and sneered at him, screaming hysterically and demanding to be let loose from its restraints, its narrowed yellow eyes glinting in the darkness of his soul.

You useless, pathetic human fool, Ichigo! So you think you've gained the upper hand over me now? Hah! You're so weak, you'll never gain control over me the way you want to! I'll always be here, always haunting your thoughts, so don't you ever forget that for a single moment! Because when you do, that'll be when I claim your body as mine for good!

And he was afraid, frightened of himself, scared by the possibilities that could be.

Because sometimes, the thought of completely submitting to his inner self and letting the Hollow go on his murderous, gory rampage was all too tempting to give up, if only to stop the mental anguish and torture, if only to be released from its relentless cornering, if only to be freed from the pain. Because sometimes the voice grew so shrill he couldn't hear anything else but the Hollow's cackles echoing in his mind, couldn't defend himself against it, couldn't do anything else but let the demon's words pierce him, their hostility and vitriol stabbing into every corner of his being over and over again, old scars reopening and blossoming red next to fresh wounds.

And it was on one particular night, when they were lying together in bed, that Ichigo had turned around to face Renji with a distressed look on his face. "Renji, promise me this."

"Wh–what?" Surprised by the sudden gravity of Ichigo's tone, Renji had turned around to look Ichigo in the face, sepia irises peering into brown ones; Ichigo, unable to bear the pressure, the questioning look in them, couldn't help but avert his gaze and look away, whispering coarsely, "That you'll be the one to kill me if I turn into a Hollow for good", his throat growing dry as he finished his sentence.

A very concerned Renji gently but firmly placed his hands on Ichigo's shoulders, forcing him to turn and look at the shinigami's face, into his eyes. "And what makes ya say that?"

"Because I don't think I'm strong enough to keep saying no", came the hushed reply, the crack in Ichigo's voice and his hunched shoulders making him seem a lot more vulnerable and weaker than the confident, protective warrior Renji was used to seeing. "Because every time he tempts me, I'm this much closer to actually giving him what he wants, just so that he'll stop his tormenting."

Renji snorted and pulled the shorter guy closer to his chest, nuzzling him and resting his chin amidst the crown of orange. "Utter bull. What makes ya think you ain't strong enough to overcome that guy, eh? You fought him and won – and no, don't ya dare tell me otherwise." The faint protest that was about to make itself known on Ichigo's lips withered in his throat, and he nodded weakly, face downcast, eyes averting Renji's gaze.

"Ya've been able to resist his calls every time he's tried to break free – that time against taichou on the Soukyoku Hill, and then against Yammy and Grimmjow." And Ichigo shuddered a little at the mention of the former Espadas' names, remembering how that his refusal to yield to his Hollow had almost cost Sado and Inoue their lives had it not been for Urahara's and Yoruichi's very timely intervention with Yammy, and how he could only helplessly stare on as Grimmjow put a hole through Rukia's chest, and again later as the blue-haired Espada followed Tousen and casually strolled back into the Garganta leading back to Hueco Mundo, but not before turning back and snarling at a badly beat-up Ichigo, a deranged smirk on his face, that the next time they met would mean the demise of the shinigami. Ichigo's eyes started to grow wide and his breathing shallow, the panic and fear he had felt in those moments starting to come alive again, but Renji's steady hand between the blades of his shoulders, stroking and patting, put that to ease as quickly as it had assaulted him, the warmth of his touch driving back those sensations.

The redhead placed a thumb beneath Ichigo's chin, nudging it upwards gently until he was looking into Ichigo's eyes again, holding his gaze levelly as he continued. "And then ya defeated him, this time for good, with the help of Shinji and the rest. What makes ya think you can't do it? Just because he promised he'd kick your ass if he ever got the chance to?" Renji snorted again, albeit more softly, clearly having not bought the Hollow's empty threats. "Have a little more faith in yourself like we all do, Ichigo", he finished, wrapping his arms around Ichigo and pulling him into an embrace fiercely.

Ichigo sighed and relaxed into the warmth of Renji's body, one of his arms snaking about the redhead's waist, the other reaching up and faintly touching the nape of his neck, earning from the older shinigami a contented hum, even as Renji returned the touch, reaching one arm up and stroking Ichigo's cheek tenderly. And as his eyelids grew heavy and he drifted off to sleep, his last thought was about how Rukia was right – he tended to think too much about it, had this habit of worrying incessantly and not trusting enough. He had his friends and family, who helped him. He had Zangetsu, who spurred him on. He had Renji, who loved him, and whom he loved. And they all had faith in him, faith that he would pull through, like he had always done.

And it was enough to make him believe that he could and would.

But Renji stayed up well into the night, staring out of the open window and at the pale moon in the raven sky, arms around Ichigo, looking down at the younger's now much more peaceful face, resting on his chest, as he slept easily and breathed deeply. He meant every word – and far more – that he had said with all of his heart, but deep down inside, he fervently prayed to any God willing to listen for that day to never come. That he wouldn't have to be the one to do it – wouldn't have to kill Ichigo, wouldn't have to taint his hands with his blood, wouldn't have to remove a doting brother, caring friend and dear lover from those around him.

And Renji closed his eyes and hoped fervently, even as his arms tightened protectively around Ichigo.