In the morning Merlin woke up in an unfamiliar environment and on top of that, in a bed. For a moment he couldn't recognise his surroundings and he panicked. He had no idea of where, when or even who he was. He saw a sleeping form next to him and his breathing stopped. But somehow he felt that this man next to him was safe, even before he could identify him as Arthur. The name popped from the haze of panic into his mind and he repeated it few times to himself while he slowly remembered where he was. He was sleeping in Arthur's bed. With Arthur and nothing bad had happened. He breathed in and out few times and was now glad that he hadn't screamed.
Arthur was laying on his back his blanket pushed aside. He looked handsome and Merlin had rarely seen Arthur like this. Relaxed. Especially for last few weeks. Arthur's blanket was half way on its way to the floor and Merlin remembered that usually Arthur slept without a shirt and blushed at the thought of waking up next to a half naked Arthur.
For a while Merlin just stayed still and kept watching, but he didn't dare to touch Arthur in the risk of waking him up and he was too awake to go back to sleep either so he decided to get up. He went to his own room to change and returned to Arthur's to read. He made himself comfortable on the couch and waited for Arthur to wake up. He could have gone to eat breakfast but he didn't want to just yet. He wanted to be near Arthur.
When Arthur woke up, he was sorry to find Merlin gone. He had hoped to cuddle with him in the morning, maybe even ask Merlin if he felt the same way he did if the atmosphere was right, but his disappointment soon melted when he saw Merlin reading on the couch. "Morning." He greeted and Merlin replied him equally pausing his reading. The morning light was coming from behind Merlin and it made him look beautiful in a way that felt almost unreal. Arthur imagined them living together, in a single room apartment where he could see Merlin like this every morning. He fell back to his bed and covered himself with his blanket. 'That would be lovely…' He thought.
Too soon Arthur heard Merlin move and tell him he wanted breakfast. Arthur was feeling stubborn so he said without thinking "Only if I get my good morning kiss." He stayed on his back, his eyes closed. He was partly waiting Merlin to just roll his eyes and walk out of the room, but then he felt a pull on his blanket where Merlin leaned to bend over Arthur and Merlin kissed him softly on the lips. Arthur felt a switch go on. He wanted Merlin. Right now. He wanted him so much. He wanted to pull him back to the bed with him and kiss him and hug him and take his clothes off and…
Luckily Merlin moved away before Arthur had a chance to do anything. Merlin walked out of the room telling him he would take the book to his room and wait him downstairs. Arthur couldn't even reply as he tried to make his coherent thinking work again. He was painfully aware that if Merlin had lingered he would have pushed him down without thinking. He breathed in and out a couple of times and looked under the blanket to see, yes, a healthy erection. Unbelievable.
Arthur knew he had to move quickly so Merlin wouldn't have to wait but his limbs felt heavy like he had momentarily forgotten how to move them. And still in the end he had to wait his erection to settle down before he could face Merlin. He would have to be more careful in the future. He did know how Merlin froze every time he even put his hand on his shoulder and he remembered how troubled Merlin had looked when they had kissed that one night with tongue… He didn't even want to think what would happen if he pushed Merlin to bed and started to take his clothes off…
'Self-control, Arthur, self-control!' He shook his head and made his way downstairs. Merlin was there with Hunith and she had made some pancakes. Arthur smiled. All in all, this was one of the best weekends of his life.
Gwaine was out. It felt like forever he had closed his store in any other day than sunday and the city looked very different in the middle of the week. He had his best hoodlum clothes on. An old button up shirt, sleeves rolled up loosely, an oversized vest he had left open, baggy gray pants and a hat that would make any hipster feel ashamed of their life. He also had some leather bands on his wrists and some chains on his neck. He was unshaven, as always.
He walked to the city's main police station his hands in his pockets which he knew annoyed the hell out of the security guards. The station was in a walking distance from his store but the area was completely different. Here were big streets and noisy public transportation and too much population in Gwaine's opinion. But there were some really great pubs too.
He walked straight inside and stopped by the elevators when an angry security guard asked him to show his ID or state his business. He showed him his ID and the guard let him pass surprised. Gwaine saluted him and smirked and continued his way. He took an elevator up shoving an electronic key to the reader next to the buttons and pressed seventh floor. When he walked out of the elevator, he saw many familiar faces. Some greeted him with a wave and some with a roll of their eyes. Gwaine grinned to all of them.
"Your father isn't here right now…" someone informed him. Gwaine smiled at that and replied "All the better for me." "You in some kind of trouble again?" Gwaine laughed at that "Aren't I always?" This earned him some laughs and few more eye rolls. Gwaine smirked at his success. He was searching someone and he frowned when that someone wasn't where he was supposed to be. "Hey, where is Percy?" He asked not from anyone in particularly "His desk was moved over there, he's working with Andersson now." he was informed and Gwaine turned on his heels and made his way to a corner he knew Andersson had worked for years. One could tell from his movements, that he knew this more piled-up-where-ever-there-was-space than organised office, by heart.
Gwaine finally found the desk he was searching for. It wasn't that hard really. The person he was looking for was easily the tallest in the whole building. "Hello, Percy." He greeted his closest friend. Percy turned to look at him and remained expressionless, but took a pose that translated to Gwaine 'nice to see you, I didn't expect you today, what did you do to your shop? Please don't tell me you need a favour.' "I'm closed for today. I need to ask for a favour…" Percy rose his eyebrows at him "I do hope I don't have to convince anyone that you didn't do whatever it was you did this time…"
Gwaine laughed at that. Percy had done that many times in the past Gwaine's favourite being when Percy had been needed to convince their neighbour that Gwaine hadn't drove over her dog. That had been years ago and it had actually been quite an easy case to prove because Gwaine didn't have car or license at the time and Percy knew full well that he had been sleeping on their couch passed out. Still the way Percy made it sound to anyone who asked, was that he had once lifted a murder case from Gwaine's shoulders and Gwaine liked the story better that way.
"No, not this time." His tone was light but Percy had known him long enough and Gwaine saw him get a bit more serious. "I want to know a bit more about one of my regular customers." Percy glanced at him in a way that translated to Gwaine 'If it's a woman you are on your own.' "His name is Merlin and he has a step-brother called Arthur. Arthur's father is named Uther and Merlin's mother is named Hunith. They are married."
Percy just looked at him in the eye for a moment. "You know this is not exactly by the book…" "I know." Percy sighed. He knew that tone. Gwaine was worried of the kid. Percy trusted Gwaine's gut more than he cared to admit to anyone other than Gwaine so he opened the personal data register. Without surname it was bit more difficult but with names so uncommon and Gwaine's good memory for names, Percy found the info he was looking for fairly quick. "Uther Pendragon and Hunith Pendragon, two underaged boys, Merlin and Arthur. I think we found our match."
Gwaine beamed at Percy and leaned over to look at the computer screen. "Let's see… live in a better area than good… not even a parking ticket for past eight years or so… both boys seem to go to your old school…" Gwaine grimaced. "Well that enough reason to get worried…" Percy gave him half a smile for his comment. "I don't see anything here that should raise any suspicions. It's a rich family, you sure it's not just some pressure you are seeing?" Gwaine shook his head. "I don't know what it is, really, but something is not right…" Percy looked again at his computer but there really was nothing he could do. There wasn't any usual leads to follow like poverty or past violations. That was usually the case when Gwaine gave him something.
"Oh! What's that?" Gwaine made a sudden sound and Percy looked at the screen surprised. Gwaine used this to lean in and he clicked Merlin's address open. Gwaine had a good memory for words and he quickly made himself a memory path to recall the address before one pissed off Percy closed the window and pushed him away. "You are impossible… if your father finds out…"
"He will blame me and thank you for putting up with me." Gwaine smirked at him. "Hey, I'm free today so what do you say? When does your shift end? Wanna go out with me?" He said with a wink.
Percy shook his head like someone long suffering. "Just say you want a drink. I have enough on my plate without you spreading rumors." Gwaine smirked at him. "And what would be the fun in that?" They had once gotten themselves in a pretty hilarious situation (in Gwaine's opinion) where some drunk idiot had mistaken them as a couple (which they were not and never had or would be, thank you very much) and started to yell at them. At that point Gwaine had done nothing but provoked him but when the idiot had gotten aggressive, Percy had just stood up effectively silencing everyone even remotely interested of the situation nearby. After that Gwaine had provoked every single annoying character in his sight much to Percy's agony.
Eventually Gwaine promised to his friend that there would be no trouble today and agreed to meet him in their regular place nearby at five. "So long, you tireless defenders of law, please come by and buy some sandwiches again, I promise to have some ham in store tomorrow!" He addressed the office as he walked to the elevator. Some waved at him and some laughed. Even when some didn't like him so much, they were kind of used to him and mostly just minded their own business when he was around and just took him as entertainment value.
While waiting Percy's shift to end, Gwaine went to visit a market place and a market hall nearby to place some orders for the next week. His store opened at nine and he would get the ingredients at eight every day, as usual. He closed at eight and then he cleaned his store and headed to his home upstairs about half past if he had been able to start cleaning before eight. He gave an appearance but he actually worked hard. Those close to him knew that and he didn't mind if those who didn't know him or didn't care to know him thought him lazy or unreliable or annoying. He still had a steady pace of customers with many regulars and he enjoyed his work. This was his life now and he was happy with it. Now, if he could make a difference in Merlin's life, then it would be perfect.
Gwaine was good at reading people. He knew when someone was being sincere and he did notice when people needed support or help and he knew how to give it to then. Was it a lonely old lady or a shy adolescent needing support. Once he had thought that he could really make a good police officer. But his father was a chief in charge and Gwaine had grown up as his son. He had rebelled and hated it and that was the main reason why he couldn't have followed the path laid for him.
He sighed. Somehow he felt that there wasn't enough good officers around. He had seen from too close how the system could work (or not) and he had seen all the elite school world and government parties with pompous idiots telling what they thought was best in the big scale. He had always hated it. He liked to work for people. He liked to remember names and faces and his highlights of his career where when an old lonely lady came everyday just to buy something small and say hello or when a child came to buy as much candy as they could possibly get with the little money they had. When he saw life in all of its forms.
But sometimes he saw someone like Merlin. There was something off. And Gwaine just couldn't leave it be. He himself didn't have any authority so he found himself back at his father's lair. Percy was his ally. Sometimes he wondered if there was something he could do to combine the work of a police and his store, but it was next to impossible. He had his own (very strong) moral code he followed. So what if Merlin was under age, many teenagers drank, but he wanted to know what was causing the problem if there was one. The drinking would end if the problem was fixed or just eventually when the teenage party -stage ended. Of course if Merlin would drink too much and become addicted or if he ruined his liver or eyesight with something too strong or illegally made, it would be another story. But that was precisely why Gwaine wanted to sell to Merlin. If he only got the alcohol from him, he could control it and be sure that didn't happen. No questions asked until Merlin was ready to talk. Or when Gwaine got too worried and went to see Percy for some extra help.
After chatting with all the regular sellers he did his business with and answering at least two hundred times how come he was there this late even if he had called them all two days ago to cancel today's delivery, it was almost four o'clock so Gwaine decided to have a lunch now and meet Percy afterwards. He wanted to talk to him about Merlin and Arthur. He did have his own moral code but it didn't hurt to check with Percy from time to time.
Merlin had been ok this week. Arthur had again been very occupied starting from monday and if something was good about that it was that it took some attention off from Merlin. Hunith had fussed around Arthur trying to make him relax and Merlin could see that Arthur appreciated it even if he was too far gone with his planning and training to really do what Hunith told him to. His new style was working and he was slowly drawing results from his team again. Arthur had somehow connected with Hunith lately but his father was another story. He still didn't talk with his father if it wasn't absolutely necessary and he was so overly polite and proper that Merlin had to wonder how come Uther didn't think it as rude. Merlin surely would have been offended if Arthur did that to him...
Merlin too had tried his best to help Arthur to plan his practices and they had spend a lot of time together. Mostly just normal, not romantic kind of hanging out and playing so much football and getting through so many exercises that Merlin saw footballs even in his dreams, but that was alright. Merlin would choose footballs over Uther raping him any time. Merlin had also studied all the paperwork Lance had done and he was determined to give at least some of it a try. Maybe if he could help Arthur to get all the tools he was used to having, it would help.
Uther had been even-tempered. It seemed that he was finally letting go of Arthur's 'failure' and put what happened with Lance behind him. He had touched Merlin and made him suck him off but nothing too hardcore lately and Merlin hoped that things would stay as they were as long as possible. But of course something happened. There always had to be something.
The whole family was having dinner when the doorbell rang. Merlin didn't pay much attention to it and continued eating his mushroom spaghetti. The cook who was currently cleaning the kitchen moved to open the door. She was away just for a moment when she came back running and addressed Uther wide eyed "There are some social workers who would like to speak with you…" Uther stopped in the middle of his eating and all of them became quiet. Merlin had a suspicion that it had something to do with him and he didn't like that one bit.
Uther got up slowly and told the cook to let them in the living room. She almost skipped off to do just that. Merlin got the feeling that she was more after juicy gossips than the credit of being effective. Uther moved towards the living room with much slower pace and Hunith followed him quickly worry so clearly plastered on her face that Merlin wanted to stab himself with a fork. He was so fed up with his mother worrying all the time. Merlin looked at Arthur and he just looked confused. They let their cutlery down silently but didn't move. It would be better to wait and see what would happen.
Uther sat down alongside of his wife and the social workers sat across the table. Uther offered them coffee and they politely took the offer. When they all had coffee in front of them, Merlin heard one of them speak. "We have been informed a worrying cause in this family. I want you to understand that we have to see to every call we receive so there is nothing personal." She took a pause and continued "We have been informed of a…" she made a pause like reading something before continuing "'poor physical condition and possible undernourishment of a boy named Merlin', is he present at the moment?" Merlin felt like he had swallowed a spoon, vertically. Arthur looked at him and they didn't have to think two seconds to realise who had made the report.
"Merlin, could you come here for a moment?" Uther's voice made Merlin feel like the vertical spoon was coming up even if Uther did sound calm. He looked at Arthur to get some comfort. Arthur looked at him in a way that told Merlin that he would go instead if he could. Merlin was thankful of that, but he never would want Arthur in his position so he stood up.
Merlin walked into the living room like in a dream. It felt unreal. He sat next to his mother and the social worker who had talked first addressed him. "Hello, you must be Merlin. My name is Finna and this is my colleague, nice to meet you." If Merlin had been objective, he would have thought that she seemed nice. Finna was an older woman, maybe in her fifties, she was a bit plump, brown haired with a hint of grey here and there and she had an obvious fascination on handicrafts judging by the amount of her handmade accessories. At least she should have been categorised as harmless, but to Merlin she seemed like a threat. Someone who could break his very fragile balance and ruin everything. To Merlin, she seemed scary.
"Nice to meet you too…" Merlin managed to reply hiding himself behind common politeness. "As I already told your parents, we are here for you. First of all, we would like to talk with you in private, would it be alright if we used your room?" Finna smiled at him warmly and Merlin knew that she was trying to make him comfortable. Well she could try all she wanted, but Merlin was sure it wouldn't work. Still he would have to seem that it was, so she wouldn't suspect anything.
"Yeah, sure… " Merlin dared to glance at his mother who looked worried, but she seemed to trust these people. That helped a bit actually. Uther Merlin couldn't even look at, but he knew that he was looking at Merlin.
When Merlin stood up and started to walk towards the stairs, Merlin could see Arthur staring at him worry written all over his face. 'Oh, God, not him too…' Merlin thought while he tore his gaze away from Arthur and concentrated on walking the stairs. When he reached the second floor, Merlin suddenly knew that he didn't want these people in his room. Not anyone actually, but especially these two women whose work was to snoop in other people's lives. In a moment's impulse Merlin opened Arthur's door and made a gesture for Finna and the other, much younger woman to step in.
After Merlin had closed the door to make sure no-one could hear them, he made another gesture for the woman to sit on Arthur's couch while he himself went to sit by Arthur's desk. That felt far enough.
"I believe I have yet to be introduced, my name is Tilly." The younger woman introduced herself. She was thin and her hair was braided loosely starting from her forehead and circling around her head to the other side. She was dressed in different tones of grey and green and she seemed stylish in a nature loving and carefree way. All Merlin could think of her was that she had fake blond hair, she was sitting on Arthur's couch and the way she continued to smile kindly at him was annoying.
"Merlin, do you know why we are here?" She continued and Merlin wanted to scream in frustration. Of course he knew why they were here! He was too thin and blah, blah, blah. Why did everyone have to pick on him on this detail? It wasn't like he could do anything about it anyway. "I guess you are here because you think that I'm too thin." He said with a tense and a bit tired tone on purpose. He couldn't think that these people would be anything else but predictable.
Tilly nodded approvingly as if she was interested of what Merlin had to say. "Can you tell me why you think that?" she continued. Oh God wasn't it obvious? "Because everyone seems to think that way. My mother, Ar- my brother, my school…" Tilly again nodded and wrote something down. Suddenly Merlin felt a wave of new fear. What he said would be written down and analysed later. What if he slipped? Or if he made it sound that it was his mother's fault that he was thin? Or if he insulted this household or the food he was served? Uther would surely punish him if he even suspected that Merlin had made his family or him seem bad…
"What do you feel yourself?" Tilly continued and Merlin felt it highly unnerving that she kept asking his opinion. Couldn't she just go and ask what Uther thought? That was what mattered anyway. "Uh, I am thin… but it's not like I don't get to eat, we have very good food here and even if I'm vegetarian, our cook makes me special meals every day so I get enough protein…" Merlin started realising in the middle that it might not have been wise to mention he was a vegetarian "and umm, my mother has made me eat fish again because I'm growing so fast and all so now I eat fish once every day…" ok, now Merlin knew he was rambling and he really tried to find a way to stop talking before he said something stupid. "and I have tried to exercise more lately, but I'm just growing too fast I think…" Ok, that shouldn't be wrong answer, right?
"I have been told that you have often been tired in the past, could you tell me more about that?" was the next question and now Merlin was sure it had been Lance who had made the call. He felt a small spark of anger towards the man. Why couldn't he just leave Merlin alone already? Hadn't he caused enough harm to both himself and Merlin? "Yes. I have been tired at school from time to time. I have been led to believe that it is not so uncommon." There it was again, the mean sarcasm that he used to shield himself from others. The next step would be to get angry and defensive and then he would snap. It was very tempting to do just that, but Merlin knew he would have to fight that.
"Could you tell me more about the last time that happened?" Tilly was still calm and sounded kind and Merlin had to just bite all the frustration down. For some reason her kind smile was really starting to annoy him "It must have been… just at the end of the school year. We had a ton of tests and I left most of the reading till the last minute so I stayed up too late. A teacher scolded me for falling asleep in a middle of class, but maybe she was worried." Merlin tried to stick to the storyline he had picked. It wasn't like they would know when he had read to his tests and even if Lance had told them of his lack of strength during the summer, it would be better to act like that had felt so insignificant that it had slipped his mind.
"How about during the summer, have you ever been tired or felt dizzy during summer?" So Lance had told them. "Oh, maybe once or twice, my mother tells me to sleep earlier but I like to stay awake late…" the lies were starting to roll easier and Merlin felt he could control this situation. The thought of Uther surely finding out what he was telling these people was nagging in the back of his head and the alarmingly observant eyes of Finna made him nervous, but he knew that he could do this.
The rest of the questions went by much easier and Merlin made sure to make a small compliment about the food in this house or his mother or even Uther now and then. It felt like he was dancing while Uther played and while it was not a pleasant feeling, it wasn't even that far from the truth.
Eventually it seemed that Tilly had asked all she needed and she asked him finally if there was anything at all he would want to talk about now, or later. Merlin told them that no, he had everything under control. That must have been the biggest lie he had ever told.
When they stood up and they had both shaken his hand, Merlin was sure that he would get rid of them right now, but then Finna, who had been quiet the whole time, spoke "Take this. It's my office number and you can call me during opening hours. If I'm not there, just tell them your name and I'll call back to you. Just in case you feel you have any kind of question." Merlin looked at her outstretched hand and the card she was offering like it would bite. He had no way of refusing it politely, but what would Uther do if he found that from Merlin? "Umm, thanks." He still managed and took the card.
The second Merlin walked next to the railing so he could see downstairs, he saw his mother's worried expression. Maybe, just maybe he had been convincing enough and the social workers would be able to make his mother relax. Merlin wished so much that would be the case. While Merlin tried to recall everything he had said he heard Finna ask if they could talk with Hunith and Uther in private. When Merlin saw them all disappear to the direction of the master bedroom, Merlin felt that it was the most frightening kind of helplessness he had ever felt. The moment the door closed behind them, Arthur walked in Merlin's view from the dining room. Merlin really couldn't take him right now so he turned on his heels in a way that he knew made Arthur unable to follow him and closed himself inside his own room fighting the urge to lock the door behind him.
The room was empty and cold and Merlin gave a brief thought of how it would have seemed to the social workers. He was glad that he had taken them to Arthur's room that was much warmer and held in so much more life and so much less fear than his own room. He wanted to drink one of his beers or preferably two so badly, but he knew he couldn't. In the end he curled to the end of his couch and tried to think blank. He couldn't afford to dwell right now. He would have all the time after Uther had raped him and he could hide into his closet. Until that Merlin would pretend.
It felt like forever and no time at all before Hunith came knocking on his door and Merlin had to force a relaxed smile on his face.
Gwaine had already ordered and paid for two beers when Percy walked in. Gwaine knew exactly what he liked so Percy didn't even ask what he got before taking a sip. "So what you got?" Percy had always been the one to cut the chase and Gwaine had been the one to beat the bush first. Gwaine smirked at him "Nice to see you too. I have been doing well and my shop is fine. How was your day?" Percy rolled his eyes briefly but let Gwaine remain in his comfort zone. For now.
"A God awful day of dealing with idiots who thought it would be funny to brake into their old school building and draw vaginas on every black board they could find. It wouldn't even have been my problem if they hadn't beat up the security guard who was unfortunate enough to find them. If the only other option wasn't to make sandwiches to these idiots, I would have quit too." Gwaine grinned at him. "At least I don't have to take responsibly of them." Percy gave him half a smile. "We have had this conversation before, what's in your mind?" Gwaine took a long sip of his beer. So long that he had to wave a waitress to bring him another one.
"What makes two people brothers?" He asked Percy while he paid for the new beer. Percy looked at him in the way that he knew Gwaine had some sort of purpose but hell if he knew what. "I don't know. Maybe it's the growing up together and being similar in a way that can't be changed? Like Pellinors? They all do different things, look different but if you ask something they all answer the same way and then blame each other of copying?" Gwaine nodded. Pelinors had been a joke of the station for a long time. They all did different jobs. One was an officer, one was secretary, one was in the post while studying law and one was security guard and if you asked any of them, their job was the most important one out there, but if you got them together and asked who wanted thing x, either all of them would rise their hands or none would. Funny little Pelinors, Gwaine ran out off spicy turkey every time they came (all in different times every Wednesday). There was still one Pelinor left, he was still in school and there was a bet going on about his career choice.
"But what about if you live together when you are still growing? Like if your parents marry…" Percy didn't have use many braincells to figure out that Gwaine was talking about that Merlin kid and his half brother. "I'd like to remind you that we lived together for five years while your mental state was closer to a toddler than your real age and I sure as hell am not you brother." Gwaine laughed heartily and took a long sip from his beer before he went silent. How he ever managed to run a store that sold alcohol was beyond Percy's understanding.
It took a long while for Gwaine to think but Percy was used to this and their silence was comfortable. "You are right." Gwaine said finally "From the two of us, that's usually the case." Percy replied calmly finishing his first beer. The biggest reason why he always ended up to be the one to drag Gwaine home dunk was that he drank slower. The second was that he was bigger and alcohol didn't really affect him so much. Gwaine drowned his second beer "Ok, ok… It's just that I have to figure this out and I don't trust my morale always." Percy knew full well that he was the only one who Gwaine would ever admit this. Gwaine was stubborn by nature.
Percy smiled at him a bit "That's why I'm here." He ordered his second beer "I hope you are paying the next round." Gwaine glared at him but when the waiter came he paid without a comment. "Don't get used to it." He just said and Percy smiled a bit wider "Don't you get used to use my password to find your client's home addresses." Gwaine snorted at him and Percy smiled even wider. Gwaine was the only person who could get him to do that. They had known each others for a long time now. From the days in the police academy when Percy had wanted to get best grades possible and Gwaine had wanted to rebel towards everything. They had hated each others immediately. Percy knew one wouldn't meet such friends many times in lifetime.
Hunith was quite sure her husband was trying to tell her something, but she couldn't concentrate right now. Someone had gotten worried of Merlin's weight. Someone else besides herself. Hunith thought of all the times she had felt worried and voiced her concern. This had been going on for too long. Way too long and she now felt that it was her fault, she had let Merlin of the hook for far too many times deciding to trust on his word over what she had felt deep down. That had been a mistake, she was sure of that. Even if Merlin had always been smart and mature, he was still just a teenager and Hunith should have pressed more on the subjects she had found worrying from the start. If just so she and Merlin could now have a more open relationship. She felt like she had failed in the single most important task she had been given in this life. Raising Merlin and being there for him.
When she saw Merlin and the social workers, she felt ashamed of herself. Maybe the social workers would look at her and they would think that she was a failure. Maybe Merlin would think that too. The thought hurt so badly and she wanted to go to Merlin, but right now there was no other option than to follow her husband to their bedroom.
The questions were a blur for Hunith and she let Uther answer to most of them. Many of them were very easy to answer after all. Like how often Merlin exercised or if he ate in every meal. Only when Tilly asked if Merlin's behaviour had changed lately and Uther answered that apart stopping to eat meat there was nothing, she had to cut in. "He has changed… a lot. After we moved here, he was like had normally been, but then he started to change. I thought that it was only that he was not a child anymore, but sometimes I feel like I don't know him any more…" It hurt to admit that, but if these people could help her, she would swallow her pride and do whatever it would take to make things better for her son.
Tilly now directed her questions to Hunith and she tried to answer them the best way she could, but at some point Uther cut in the middle. He was firm on that Merlin was alright. That he just had this phase where it was not that easy to talk to his mother and he was a bit difficult at times and very stubborn when he decided on something, but that he was fine and that they could handle him as a family. Something rang wrong in that for Hunith and she suddenly wished that Uther wasn't here at all. She needed to make her and her son's relationship work again and it wasn't enough that Uther thought he and Merlin were doing fine. And if anything, Merlin had never been difficult. That didn't sit well with Hunith at all.
She was about to open her mouth to tell that, but then she felt Uther's hand on top of hers. Somehow it didn't feel comforting. More like Uther was telling her not to embarrass him or herself. That didn't feel right either and before she could snap out of that thought, Uther was showing Tilly and Finna out of the room and to the front door.
Hunith would have ran after them if on the way Finna hadn't given her contact info. Hunith took it like the most valuable thing in the world. She would call to her the minute she was alone. Maybe she would even pretend to go to work earlier. That thought certainly was not healthy and Hunith knew that. Maybe she would have to give thought to this all. Not just Merlin's weight, but if he was happy here. If she herself was really happy herself. If she ever would have to choose between Merlin's happiness and being married, she had no doubt what her choice would be.
After placing the card Finna had given her safely to her night table, she made her way to Merlin's room. They had a lot to talk.
Merlin spend most of the night trying to forget the social workers. If he didn't think about them, he could concentrate on his mother and talk with her and joke with her and try and convince her that there was nothing to worry about. He could tell he wasn't exactly succeeding, but at least he managed to prevent her from asking anything he would have real trouble explaining.
His tactic was to keep talking. Whenever his mother gave him an easy topic, Merlin kept babbling as long as he could. When his mother asked about the football practises, Merlin kept describing his chores and the weather and the number of players. When she asked if Merlin had talked with Vivian lately, he told her that she had called when she had not been able to come to Gwen's birthday party and kept telling her what Vivian had read and what they had thought of the books in so many details that Merlin was sure it couldn't be interesting to anyone. He even described few books he had read, but he had no idea if Vivian had. He waited every second that his mother would cut the chase and ask something more serious, but it never came. It almost felt like Hunith wanted them to be alone as much as Merlin. Arthur had followed Hunith upstairs immediately and even Uther had made his appearance and they were currently all sitting in Merlin's room making Merlin hyper aware of everything.
When it was time for evening snack, Merlin stated that he was starving and he made a show of eating at least twice he normally ate. After that he could finally retire to his room alone and the first thing he did was to collapse on his couch and yell to his pillow. Of all the things he had to go through in his life! Why, why on earth did he have to deal with noisy, annoyingly smiley women who thought that they could understand him or his life while they couldn't even tell if they were in his room or not! How likely it was for him to have a ton of football stuff stacked to his room? Or him having a football captain's shirt hanging on plain sight?
But after blowing some of his steam, Merlin had a new thought. Actually… they had never said that they were here because they thought that Merlin was too skinny. They had asked if there was something Merlin wanted to tell them, if there was something they could help him with.
Suddenly his mind was going to hundred direction at once. Could they really help him? And how and with what? The thought was opening a whole new possibility in Merlin's life and it was, above all, very scary. It seemed impossible… was there really a way to get help? Was there a way to make Uther stop coming to his room without telling his mother or Arthur? No… even if he didn't have to tell them himself, the social workers would surely tell both Hunith and Uther and that Merlin could never let happen. Oh God, and what if he did tell them, what if they would ask Uther to confirm that and he would show them the pictures and tell those smiling women that Merlin had gotten hard and that he was a faggot and that he had enjoyed it? Would they still help him? And if not, what would Uther do once they had left?
Merlin felt fear swallow him whole and he knew he would never call the number that was still burning in his pocket. He would have to hide it or throw it away and he would have to forget those people and the sooner he did that, the better.
But when Merlin tried to rip the small card in half, he just couldn't. For the first time he had actually seriously thought of asking for help and now he knew he really needed it. He couldn't survive like this, not until he would turn eighteen. He had looked at his life a day at a time just trying to survive thinking of the next time he could see Gaius or drink beer in his closet, but now he felt all the time ahead of him stretch like a endless swamp and he knew that he would never make it alone. He needed something, someone… he needed help.
Why hadn't he asked Tilly or Finna… he didn't know what, but something! Maybe he could have made it sound like he was asking for someone else… like a friend or something… No, that was too cliche, it would never have worked. But Lance had made an anonymous call, maybe there was some place he could do that too… just to ask what would happen in his situation and if they told him what Uther had told him would happen, Merlin could just hang up and never call again. But would Uther know where he had called? That was too dangerous thing to risk. Maybe when school started… but all the computers in the library were positioned so the screens could be seen clearly from the librarian's desk and Merlin had no idea from where else he could find a number for what he was searching for.
In the end Merlin felt so empty, that he had no energy to think anything at all. There was a way out, but he didn't know how to reach it nor what would happen if he took it. Would they take him away from here so he would never see his mother or Arthur again? Would they even believe him? But what hit him the hardest of all, was the ever present fear of Uther. Even holding to that card he was never going to use felt like a death wish weighting him down and then there was Arthur. If someone he felt he could trust in this world, it was Arthur and for the first time ever Merlin felt that he might want to tell Arthur about this all. But how could he? How could he ever put Arthur in that position? And then the very familiar loops of how disgusted he would be and how much he would hate Merlin and how hurt he would be started in Merlin's head and it was only so much he could take without crying.
He cried until he realised that it was almost ten and the time Uther would come to his room was probably near. He tried to read then, just to escape his thoughts for just until he could get some alcohol, but in the end he dropped the book and let his head fall to the cold surface of his desk. He was alone in the maze he had built around himself and the only thing he could do was to wait.
It took until almost midnight before Uther came. Merlin was still sitting behind his desk now pretending to study even if he was quite sure it wouldn't help his case at all. While Uther walked towards him, he jumped up and edged towards his bed. He didn't want to repeat what happened on this desk that one time.
As Merlin had feared, Uther took out some handcuffs, but he didn't approach Merlin. He threw them on the bed instead. Merlin looked at them like they were poisonous. "Take your clothes off." was Uther's command. Merlin obeyed and it didn't even matter to him that much, he was more concerned about the handcuffs. "Go to your bed and put those on." Uther pointed at the handcuffs and Merlin felt a sob pass his lips. This was so humiliating, so disgusting, so everything he didn't want and he had to do it himself.
He sat to his bed and took the handcuffs with shaky fingers. He wasn't really sure what to do exactly. He tried different things with shaky hands and he finally found a way to open them. The metal felt repulsive when it touched Merlin's wrists and when he clicked the first close, he was sure he would vomit soon. He hugged himself, breathing hard. Uther didn't seem to like this delay and pulled the spare on forcefully and passed the free cuff through the railing of Merlin's bed. Merlin fell to the mattress with the pull. It hurt and his skin tightened against the metal. Uther forced his other wrist up and cuffed it as well.
"Who was it that called them?" He asked and Merlin just whimpered. He couldn't say it was Lance for two reasons. One being that Uther would get pissed at Lance and the other that he would get pissed at Merlin. Uther took a hold of his neck and Merlin felt every one of his cells to scream escape. But he was trapped. "I don't know, I don't know!" He almost screamed. "Silence!" Uther told him and squeezed his neck. Merlin quiet down and lied still. like he had learned to do. Merlin saw Uther take the lube from his drawer and he heard the sound that made him nauseous. Soon Uther's fingers were all over the place. The lube didn't go just to his bottom but to his lover back and when Uther made him lift his ass, also to his balls and penis. It felt revolting and strange. Merlin felt himself get hard and he tried to think he was somewhere else. He thought about Gaius' garden and he tried to visualise the patches of sky he saw through the bushes. That was his only comfort.
Uther rode him hard. He didn't prepare Merlin and he didn't mind how his hands tightened in the handcuffs. Merlin's wrists chafed on the hard edges with every thrust. Uther told him how useless he was, how he was causing trouble and how he made his mother miserable. "You dirty whore…" those words rang in Merlin's mind. He couldn't help but think how the social workers would tell him the exact same thing if he called them.
When it was finally over Uther left him handcuffed. "I have seen you get out of those yourself, so do it this time also." He should have left then, but instead he leaned to Merlin's ear and whispered to it "Kiss me." Merlin didn't lift his face and just said "No, I don't want to." At least he still had this. Uther hit him to his side and Merlin let out a small sound. With that he finally left and Merlin was alone.
He waited for a moment before he fished the key from under the mattress. It still fit and Merlin could open the cuffs. Good. It took more energy to break them with his scissors and it hurt more. He hid the cuffs under his mattress and headed for a shower. He felt vomit traveling up when he opened the door to his bathroom and he had to move fast to get to the toilet.
After he had vomited enough times, Merlin crawled to take a shower. He soon found himself from sitting on the floor. He knew his bathroom door was open and some cold air was getting in, but it wasn't the first time and he knew from experience that he wouldn't have energy to rise up and close the door.
He felt again how he had felt for years now. Empty, dirty and strictly tied to the present. The things just had to continue like they had been and day by day he would get through them. From tomorrow he would start to act more convincing and that would have to be enough. There were no other options.
He scrubbed his skin and he tried to clean himself, but it was all in vain. He couldn't get clean how much he wanted or tried to.
Arthur was so frustrated that it was driving him mad. He had spent the whole night listening Merlin to babble about whatever and half of it Arthur didn't even buy. He remembers when Merlin had called Vivian and he knew that they hadn't talked that long. He knew what Merlin did during the practices and by God he was sure that Merlin wasn't that interested and the way he avoided saying anyone's name or describing them felt weird. Usually Merlin had a description about everyone even if he was rubbish with names. Arthur would have commented, but he knew that today was the day he would have a reason to really demand answers, but he didn't want to do it with Hunith and especially his father in the room, so he had waited.
After watching Merlin stuff cheese sandwich after cheese sandwich to his mouth and disappearing upstairs, Arthur had been prepared to wait until his father had gone to sleep. But such was his luck that when he had opened his door at ten o'clock, his father and Hunith were still downstairs very much awake Uther trying to convince his wife to calm down.
Arthur had tried to step back to his room, but his father had taken notice of him. "Son, why are you still up?" He had asked and Arthur had only the opinion to lie. "I was just thirsty, father." He said and started to go down the stairs to get a glass of water he was not going to drink.
He was still mad at his father and while he listened him telling Hunith how there was nothing wrong with Merlin, Arthur felt his temper rise again. His father was just not taking the situation seriously enough. What would it cost to him to get Merlin to a hospital for a check up? Or even stop being so demanding and unconditional all the time? So that Merlin could relax and tell what was in his mind… at least to Arthur.
Arthur snapped out of his growing annoyance when he felt the glass he had been pouring flow over. He would have cursed, but then his father would surely blow up and now was not the time for that. If he wanted to get to Merlin ever, he would have to get his father to calm down and preferably Hunith too so they would go to sleep.
It felt foreign to talk to his father more than to answer his questions politely after just few weeks and Arthur realised that it was mostly because that was what he had usually done with his father. Even when they had actually talked about some things, Arthur had always needed to stay polite and even when they had fought Arthur knew it had always been expected from him to apologise afterwards and tell that he had been wrong.
Still Arthur managed to humour his father telling that he was sure that the one who had called had been some nosy neighbour and that it wasn't like they were some poor family that couldn't feed themselves. He could see how his father took his every word and liked very much what he had heard. Hunith wasn't looking that convinced, but it seemed that she didn't want to talk about that while Arthur was there. That, unexpectedly, hurt a bit. Arthur didn't think Hunith as his mother, but somehow he had felt closer to her lately. Closer than he was to his father at the moment.
It was almost midnight when Arthur had finally decided that the house had been dark long enough and he rose up from his bed still fully clothed. He had left his door slightly ajar so that it wouldn't make a sound and so he could see the hallway. He was so prepared of demanding answers from Merlin that he had barely time to recognise that a shadow that moved past his door just when Arthur was about to open it, was his father. Arthur pulled back quickly and hid behind his door.
Soon he heard Merlin's door open and then close. Arthur moved immediately and he was in the hallway just in time to hear the lock click shut. He didn't like this at all. He remembered all the times when Merlin's door had been locked and he wondered if his father had locked them every time.
He tried to press his ear to the door but the only thing he could hear was some short muffled sounds. So quiet he couldn't even make up who was speaking. He pulled off in frustration. Why did this house have to be so soundproof anyway? He wanted to know what was going on.
Suddenly he thought about his closet. It was connected to Merlin's and its door was probably open. The closet door was thin and he would probably hear though that. He returned to his room and opened his closet door. He had to remove some stuff out of the way so he could open the door enough to get through. When he opened the door he saw two cans of beer. He tried the door on Merlin's side and as he had suspected, it was open.
Arthur stepped carefully over the cans so he wouldn't make them fall. Merlin's door didn't open as much an Arthur suspected it was meant to open so Merlin could take his beer out, but with a little bit of pushing Arthur could get the door open enough that he could get through.
He stepped into Merlin's closet. It smelled like Merlin. Arthur had to be careful because there wasn't much light now. He heard some muffled sounds and he had to press his ear to the door to hear what was going on.
A/N Gliffhanger! Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! I just had to, but on the bright side, 17 reviews and the rest is yours :)
Million thanks for Funce for being my beta for this chapter! You are perfect, you know british inside out and your comments are awesome!
And you who reviewed, I just love you. I'm kind of juggling with my summer job, my personal life and writing this story now, but you keep me going :) I love writing this because of you and I feel satisfyed with my life when I can read your reviews while I'm having a break in my mundane summer job. Thank you so much. With every word you write, you are making a difference for me.
Angel Dove1 :D Uther would go crazy if you gave him a picture of Merlin and Arthur in a same bed! I just imagined the framed picture and it would be so cute! But I'm sure Uther wouldn't see it that way... And yes, the end is near (for Uther at least), there is just no way to hide this all for much longer. How did you like Percival? Or Gwaine's father (who will be seen soon too)? In the show Gwaine's father was dead, but seriously, in a modernday setting, I just can't kill everyone's parents. And I needed him for the story so...
mersan123 Yes, you always put so much thought in your reviews, so I'm also sorry that your effort was lost, but as you said, no point in dwelling on that. Yeah, Uther will not admit that he was wrong on anything... that he is in a bad mood is because he kind of knows that he made a mistake but he is too proud to say that out loud. And yes, as you said, he is blaming Arthur instead. I also enjoy these lighter chapters and we will get more of them later, I promise! The help is also near, but the troubles won't stop there, I'm afraid.
CoolBeans100 Thanks! Yep, Merlin has some good friends there. Pity they don't know each others, they could combine their efforts.
Skypeoplephoenix732 Yeah, originaly I kind of dismissed the football team as something that just had to be there, but in the end those guys became something important and I have myself grown into them. Because of that, I guess that Merlin is doing the same. And for Arthur they are very much like his knights in the show. He feels he has a responsibility for them and he cares for all of them in his own way. The stress Merlin is going through is the reason he vomits. I have a friend like that, when she stresses about something enough, she can't eat and if she does, it's very much possible that she throws it all up... I'm sad to hear that you have a similar experience :( I have litteraly read this story over ten times back and forth and I know lines like that by heart and I really just got it when I did the last check on the chapter... I just wanted to point out that wasn't my intention... I promise I'll write the part I promised, someday!
bubzchoc Thank you :)
calicia972 Thank you so much for the fav :) And no worries, I understood you fine. I'm glad that the effort can bee seen, I have now worked with this story for almost half an year...
Funce Thank you so much for the corrections again, when I have time I'll definitely correct all those mistakes in the last chapter :) I actually had to google word 'idiom', but I'm glad that you think that I'm doing well, it was a high compliment for me :) There, their and they're difference is quite obvious for me because in my language all the pronomins and verbs can be bended so... I'm more confused about prepositions and articles.
Cool Yeah, it would be a disaster if Uther found Merlin sleeping in Arthur's bed... and with Arthur! Or kissing or cuddling or basically anything else than studing. Awesome that you liked the chapter and btw it's great that you have named yourself, that way I know it's you :)
Guest Of course I didn't mind! I loved your review :) I hope you liked how I wrote the social workers, it wasn't easy. I know many have doupts of social workers, but I think one of the reasons for the is that we only read from papers when they fail. And it is very human to fail at times. And for a strictly law bound institution, they cannot move if they can't get something out of the child/adolescent. About Uther's lack of evaluatng Merlin's health, yes you are very much right. He is dangerously close on doing some real damage. In a way he is addicted on hurting Merlin and that is very, very not good for either one of them. Your wondering about Gwaine and Percival was very interesting to read. I almost felt tempted to change my story so Percy would have been abused because you had such a good point. We tend to think that certain types of people can't be abused. Most people think that males can't be abused and that is basically why I really got into writing this fic. It's so sad that those (even 1 of 6) males that had been abused, can't get their voice trough. The one character that I feel is out of character, is Hunith in this story. I don't enjoy writing her like this for I liked her very much in the show, but she has to miss things in order of the plot. I also wanted to make Merlin's abuse long. I read multiple cases of male abuse while researching for this story and many of them had lasted many years, even a decade! With some of them the parent's had no glue even if they were good parents otherwise. It is just not something we are prepared to, that our children are being molested. If you are interested, Google 200 male survivors with Oprah or just male survivors, you will find a lot of information. It's great that you can read on even if I make mistakes, but sorry to tell you, it's not that hard of a language to learn. It's latin language and my second language is spanish, so I have an advantage ;) I loved the ending note of your review, that is what I want to tell with my story, that this is really happening even if this is a fictional story.
Guest Why thank you :) You are so kind.
Senile Feline I'm so going to be too proud of myself, there are two people who think I'm good with idioms! And quilty is a great word, I feel blankety most of the winter. In the tv-show Lancelot and Gwaine liked Merlin very much and while at least Lancelot knew about Merlin's magic and they showed clear support and protectiveness for Merlin who was from lover class and a servant, they couldn't help much (Lancelot because he died mostly...) with the issues of magic, so I wanted to get them a more active role here and since they are older too... And that Arthur is not noticing, this whole storyline kind of depends on that... and it was easy to write because of how dense Arthur was in the show. I feel bad how long I have let this drag in a way, but when I did my research for this story, I found countless real life stories of abuse that had continued for even over ten years. I tried to make a story with continual abuse in a 'good' family that the society doesn't necessarily think that happens. About the chapter being a filler... I kind of forgot myself that I had put that part about Gwaine in it... But still nothing really happened, just a prologue for this chapter mostly :)
thejammysod Oh did I again confuse 'couch' with 'sofa'? Damn, it's just that in my language the word is very close to 'sofa' so sometimes I automatically write that... I'll correct it some day... I'm really happy that I was able to move you with the flirting :) You know how the actor of Arthur has said that 'everyone loves Colin Morgan' I kind of made it so that everyone loves (as a friend, I hate harem fics) Merlin in this story, but they are not sure how to aproach him because he keeps so stictly his own space, but Jordan kind of feels now that he can talk to Merlin. I knew that you didn't mean anything bad with what you told me, I' actually clad that you told me all this, I have read something like a manual for social service students, but that is so much theory... I'm very much interested of hearing everything that you can tell me :) And please don't lose your hope in me even if this chapter was not that flattering for social workers, it was just Merlin's thoughts. If you can get more out from yuor mother, please either comment or PM me. Like I said, I would be very interested :)
Guest Oh, thank you :) Maybe the word filler was a little bit misplaced... I kind of just thought that chapter as some fluff in the middle of the climax, so I didn't want to raise false hope... but maybe I should have said that the chapter was going to be fluff... but what is done, is done. But anyway, I'm glad that you liked it :)
8OrangeMatilda8 Great! I also have enjoyed writing these happy chapters the most :) Especially at this stage when I'm mostly just proof reading. Merlin feels better when he is spending time with almost anyone. Then he can just be and not keep thinking basically what is wrong with him. In a big group he tends to shut himself down and just observe so he was horryfied with all the people on top of him. Especially with the physical contact, but he managed to forget that too and just have fun. That is very normal. Even if he is deeply traumatised and confused, it's not like he doesn't enjoy anything or that he uses all of his time methodically sulking in a corner. By nature he is social and at times like these, it shines through :) We still have hope in him! I'm still holding 'Morgana' card hidden! I hope you will like her when she finaly makes an appearance.
LordOfTehRainbow There is not a too late review :) Great the you could still enjoy the chapter even if you don't like fillers, but well, this is a realistic fic so there are bound to be days that don't exactly move the plot forward so... And we have had too little cute moments in this fic. Says I. There will be more, that is a part of the happy ending, but at the moment I think we were in a dire need of fluff.
Guest Yes, I think so too! It was a high time too.. I mean how long can two people circle around themselves? Apparently this long.
Emrys00 I used this story as an excuse to re-watch most of the show :D Great that you enjoy the borrowed lines, there is more of those in the future :) And thanks for the fav, I saw it the first thing when I woke up :)