06.

TITLE: Portrait of a Family

WORD COUNT: 1,305

SUMMARY: Renji goes over to the Kurosaki home for the first time and meets Ichigo's family over dinner, while the younger man is left very exasperated by his father's antics.

RATING: R (It's just a boy bringing his partner home to meet his family for the first time! Minus the part where they're cuddling in bed, though, but even then.)

NOTE: I originally wrote eight pieces, around half of which are already up - this was one of the two I wrote back in 2013 in an effort to bring this collection up to double digits and perhaps end it, although I'm sure I took at least a year to slowly finish it. I remember trying to think of something to write about when I recalled Isshin's over-the-top behaviour, and I began wondering how I could work that into a piece of fanfic.

The portrait of an/ordinary, everyday family

- HANAREGUMI/Sasagawa Miwa, "kazoku no fuukei"

When Ichigo brought Renji home for the first time, he didn't quite know what to expect – and, more importantly, what to warn Renji about.

After all, it was Kurosaki fucking Isshin they were talking about, that crazy father of his. Just when he thought he knew all the moves his old man used in all his valiant efforts to wake him up in the mornings, he had to come up with new ones just so he could keep challenging his son, the kooky bastard.

Like the one time he had hidden in Ichigo's wardrobe and sprang out when his son had opened it to grab a T-shirt to change into from his sleeping wear, managing to land a fist in Ichigo's face, along with an all-too-cheery "Good morning, Ichigo!" even as his son stumbled and fell backwards onto his bed, nursing his nose gingerly with one hand and glaring at Isshin, the other hand already curled into a fist and raised in retaliation.

Or the one time that he had hidden in the toilet and chose to reveal himself only after Ichigo had locked the door and slid his pants down, bursting out from beneath the plastic cover atop the bathtub and yelling at the top of his voice, "Good morning, Ichigo!" before scooting over to his very stunned son seated atop the toilet bowl, winking slyly and trying to grab a handful of him. "And I see we're all grown up already, big boy!"

That had resulted in a lot of screaming from the orange-head and Isshin struggling futilely with the plunger stuck very firmly on his face when the door eventually opened, a very flushed Ichigo running out and yelling that he was far too old for Isshin to have a look down there, even as Karin sighed in the corridor, her shoulders drooping in resignation at how her father was never going to stop being an idiot, and Yuzu frowned at how noisy they were being before breakfast, a pot of soup in her hands.

So the orange-haired teen found it highly suspicious when he saw no sign of the barmy old hoot on the roof, hiding in the bushes or balancing on the lamp post right outside their house, even as Renji looked on, completely confused at what Ichigo was doing as the latter decided to adopt various karate poses randomly for a good few minutes – almost as if he were sparring with the air – before he finally decided to walk up to the door and open it.

Upon which Isshin, decked in his trademark white lab coat and red shirt, shot out, a punch aimed at Ichigo's face, which he dodged, only to have a knee jab upwards and into his abdomen. And as Renji stood, gawking at a currently very crumpled Ichigo with both arms across his abdomen, his face twisted into an expression between a grimace and a scowl, the mad doctor triumphantly announced, "Hah! Late again aren't you, my son! I thought I told you before; dinner at our home is at 7pm on the dot! And falling to the most basic of my tactics, tch! Your skills have dulled, Ichigo!", before dashing out and grabbing Renji's chin, pulling the red-head close to his face and looking into his eyes.

Renji, surprised, could only blink twice.

"And fancy keeping my new son hungry and waiting, shivering in the cold! Look at him, he's all skin and bones!" Isshin exclaimed in horror as he dragged Renji into the house, with Yuzu and Karin staring rather innocently (or at least pretending to, for Karin) from beyond the doorway, Ichigo muttering, "But man, just how well–fed are you at Urahara's, you damned freeloader?", while he got up and started for the table, slamming the door shut behind him.

Dinner at the Kurosakis' was, as usual, uneventful. By that, it meant that Ichigo and Isshin were continuously fighting at the table, Isshin bemoaning the unwillingness of his children to spend time with him and continuously going, "Oh my poor Masaki! Look at our children! They're rebelling against us!" to the huge, framed picture of his deceased wife serenely watching over the dining table, and Ichigo protesting vehemently that it wasn't normal for teenagers to be back home, let alone have dinner, before 7 pm. Karin sipped her soup, quietly enjoying the scene with a small smirk on her face, while Yuzu was beaming with smiles as she dished out more of her cooking, all too happy that there was another at the table enjoying her food, even as she chided both her father and big brother for their bad table manners, especially in front of a guest.

Throughout the meal, Renji just sat at his place quietly, absent-mindedly poking at the morsels on his plate, eyes shifting back and forth between the members of the Kurosaki family at the table, before his gaze trailed back down to his bowl and further down to his lap.

Later, as Ichigo was walking with Renji back to Urahara's shop, he had asked Renji, rather grumpily, if he had enjoyed himself that evening. Renji had, however, surprised him by only nodding and giving a small smile, whispering, "They made me remember what family was like, a long time ago," eyes glistening from the faint memories he still had of his time as a human, of family and dinner tables and warm laughter.

Ichigo had harrumphed rather loudly at that statement and, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, muttered, "Welcome to the family, then. Guess that pervert'll be wanting to see more of your face around, dumbass."

He didn't count on Renji inviting himself over for dinner occasionally initially, then every day after that first day, which eventually extended to him spending the night, first once in a while, and then with increasing frequency, to the point where it seemed more like he was staying over at Ichigo's, instead of Urahara's. But Ichigo supposed he really didn't mind.

After all, it was always nice to have one more person at the table, even if Isshin kept making lewd remarks and batting his eyes at them and trying to offer them condoms in painfully obvious ways he actually thought were rather discreet – slipping them onto the bananas and sausages, for example, which had made it rather hard for them to explain to Yuzu, who had asked, with such an innocent face, why Ichi-nii's and Renji-nii's food had such weird things on them, while Karin just snickered as silently as she could muster, even as Ichigo sputtered and the rest of Renji's face turned as crimson as his hair.

At least he didn't have to explain to his father what his relationship with Renji was – it was almost as if he'd known from the very moment he had set his eyes on the red-head. And if Ichigo had any lingering doubts about that (as if the condoms weren't already enough of a statement), they were completely blown away one morning when Isshin sprang up and into his son's room through the window as he always did, landing on the floor gracefully in a victorious pose and surprising the hell out of Ichigo and Renji, who had been cuddling right up till the point a deranged doctor flew into the bedroom.

"Good morning, Ichigo and Renji! Do you two need more of these? Am I disturbing your morning rituals?" Isshin winked, even as he flapped his arms and waved a box of condoms in front of their faces madly. Renji blinked in surprise, even as his face grew red again, while Ichigo sighed in frustration, burying his face in one palm and grabbing the nearest object he could find (his bedside light) with his other arm, readying to throw it at his father.

"Get….. OUT!"