A/N: So...first off, I'm sorry it's been a while. I had to have surgery and the recovery period lasted longer than I had anticipated. I'm feeling much better now though, and I have this chapter here for you. When I started it, it was going to be a fairly short, hopefully funny smut one-shot. It became a twelve page, still hopefully funny, very smutty one-shot. It was inspired by some of my own worries as I prepare to make my relationship with my boyfriend of two years long distance in a little over a month. Plus, Arya and Jaqen got their smut debut the last time I posted and I figured it was these two's turn. Thank you to magnus374 for reviewing 'The Office', and credit where credit is due to Bethesda's Fallout: New Vegas for giving me the idea for the first book that Sansa tries out with one of its quests, and to good ole Cosmopolitan magazine for the lines that Sansa's looking at at the beginning. Read on, and I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to George R. R. Martin.

Rating: Definitely M, for Sandor's mouth, and for some pretty graphic sexual content. If you don't like that, don't read it.

Just dreamt I was your sex slave last night. It was hot...very hot...

Sansa groaned and dropped her head onto the table, banging it against the surface a few times in frustration. There was no way she could ever say something like that. This was hopeless.

Some three weeks ago, she had allowed herself to be dragged to the local bar with Myranda and Margaery and after one too many drinks had admitted that she was disappointed with the lack of passion in her long distance relationship with Sandor. They had been dating for over two years, and she had never had any complaints before, but since she had transferred to a college a few states away for her junior year, the distance had put a stop to their fairly newly developed intimacy. Naturally, her friends were more than eager to help her solve her problem and so here she was for the third night in a row, hidden in a back corner of the campus library with a book titled "Wang Dang Electronic Tango" open on her lap.

It wasn't even the idea of it that bothered her. If phone sex was the way to remind Sandor of what they had, then so be it. Everything she read just sounded so silly, and so very unlike her.

Sighing, she lifted her head again and flipped to a different page. Maybe there was something a little less...forward, that she could start with.

She took her phone from her purse and set it on the table beside her, opening her message thread with Sandor and tapping her fingers idly on the screen while she perused the newly opened page.

If you can guess what color my panties are, then I'll give you a blow job when you get home. Well, the distance certainly made that one impossible, unless he was willing to guess now and wait two months for her next break to get his reward. She absently lifted the band of her jeans away from her hip and glanced down. Blue. He probably wouldn't guess that anyway.

Just saw something really hot that made me think of you. Boy did library shelves turn her on.

I just had the dirtiest thought about you ever. Too dirty to text—wow, I'll tell you about it later. No. Just...no.

What's the hottest thing I can do for you when I see you? That...wasn't too bad. Sexy enough without making her want to gag, and it might make him a bit more anxious for the next time they were together. She chewed on her thumbnail and glanced back at her phone before sighing heavily and typing out the message. Sending it before she could second guess herself, she locked her phone again and leaned back, shutting the book with a loud thump.

The sound made her jump and she hastily looked around the nearly empty library, hoping that no one had noticed her. When the smattering of other students appeared wholly focused on their own work, she exhaled in relief and returned the book to its proper place before gathering her things and making her way outside.

It was already well past sundown, but the apartment she shared with her two friends was close enough to the edge of campus to make her feel safe walking by herself after dark. Within five minutes, she was at the door, shoving her key into the lock and shouldering her way into the apartment. Myranda was sitting on the couch watching TV when she entered.

"Hey, girlie. Any luck this time?"

Sansa blushed, wishing that she hadn't told her friends about her worries. Never in a million years were they going to let her live it down—especially not if it worked.

She gave a half-hearted shrug and dropped her purse onto her bed before going to the fridge for a bottle of water. "I don't know." Myranda seemed unsatisfied with her answer but let her go into her room without further interrogation.

Her phone was still inert when she checked it, so she began to undress, shimmying out of her jeans and replacing her top with one of Sandor's t-shirts that she'd taken from him the last time she'd been at home.

As she was returning from the bathroom, her phone lit up from its place on her bedside table and she all but ran to it, perching on the edge of her bed and opening the waiting message.

'You could wear that new skirt you sent me a picture of the other day...'

She could feel the blush rising to her cheeks as she imagined the look on her boyfriend's face when he saw her in the short lace skirt she had recently purchased. He was typically a physical lover anyway, but whenever she ended up wearing something that fell above her knees, he was insatiable.

Unfortunately, he had done exactly what he was supposed to. She had an in now to tell him exactly how much she wanted to feel his hands under that skirt, but she found herself frozen. The book hadn't prepared her for anything more than initiating a sexting session. What was she supposed to do now?

Panicking, she briefly considered running out to ask her roommates before losing her courage and hanging her head in shame as she responded.

'Okay. Well, I'm going to bed. Good night. I love you.'

She was already tucked firmly beneath her blankets and ready to stay there for the rest of her pathetic and cowardly life when she got his reply.

'Night little bird. Sweet dreams. Love you too.'

Goodbye Electronic Tango, hello...what? A deep frown tugged at Sansa's lips as she wandered through the library, her fingers skimming the shelves.

"Ooh, what about this one?" Myranda held up a book with a scantily clad and busty woman illuminated on a cell phone screen on the cover and Sansa blushed as she waved it away impatiently.

She didn't want to feel dirty when she was doing this. She just wanted to remember how it felt to be intimate with Sandor. It had seemed to be so long ago that they had last had any time alone together. The last time she had been at home, they had only managed to get an hour together, and that one in public so the most they had managed was a slightly less than innocent kiss that had ended at an emphatic clearing of a throat from the table next to them.

It wasn't that she was unhappy. She knew that they were still very much in love, and they had grown to be good enough friends over the past few years that they still had things to talk about—and did, every day. It was just that…well, since they had start sleeping together, she was having a hard time going from feeling so close to being so far away. She wanted to be able to feel the closeness of their physical relationship while they were apart, and it seemed like this was the only way.

"What do you think of this?" She gingerly removed a thin volume from the shelf in front of her and eyed it somewhat warily. "The Young and the Cordless: A Guide to Phone Sex in the Modern Age".

Myranda crossed the aisle and looked over her friend's shoulder, raising a brow and then nodding. "Sure. Open it up and take a look. It's up to you, girlfriend. I know you would turn as red as that gorgeous hair of yours if Marg and I just sat you down and taught you how to do this, so it's hittin' the stacks for you. I would never rely on a book for relationship advice."

"Yes, thank you, you've made that very clear," Sansa said impatiently, turning the book over and reading the blurb on the back cover. "But I like to do research before I jump into things."

Myranda snorted and crossed her arms over her chest, accentuating her already prominent cleavage. "I bet you read up on how to give head on wikihow before you tried it on ole Sandy didn't you?"

Sansa ignored her and continued reading, hoping that her blush wouldn't give her away; because, yes, she had in fact done exactly that. In her defense, though, her research had paid off. Or so she assumed. Sandor had certainly never complained.

Her friend's sharp laugh let her know that her attempt had failed and she shot her a glare before opening the book and idly flipping through it. It looked a little more informational than the last one, so she shut it again and tucked it under her arm.

"You actually gonna check it out instead of hiding in your corner?"

Sansa nodded and blushed. "In case I need it tonight."

Myranda laughed and sauntered toward the self-checkout, slinging her arm over her best friend's shoulders. "Go get 'im, tiger."

That evening, Sansa got a bit of a surprise. As she was cleaning up her dishes from dinner and settling down on the couch between Randa and Margaery to watch a movie, her phone vibrated in her pocket and she absently checked the waiting message.

'I miss you, little bird. Wish you were here.'

The text in itself wasn't unexpected. Sandor tended to get sappy when she was gone for extended periods of time, and she had had a heavy homework load that day so they hadn't talked as much as usual.

It was what happened next that surprised her. Without even consulting the book beneath her pillow, a response formed in her mind. 'What would you do to me if I was?' When her brain caught up with her fingers, she stared wide-eyed at what she'd typed, her heart hammering nervously in her chest. How did she do that? Why did she do that? He was just trying to be sweet. Would he care if she took it that direction? Would he think that she only wanted him for sex?

Deciding that she was worrying too much, and rather proud of her newfound ability, she sent it and snuggled back into the couch, ignoring the curious looks she was receiving from both sides.

The movie had barely started when the next vibration came and she carefully shielded her screen from view. 'Bury my head between your thighs and stay there until you screamed my name.' Sansa gave a strangled gasp as her cheeks flared with a hot blush and she shifted her legs, suddenly uncomfortable. And aroused. Mostly aroused. Less than a minute later, her screen lit up again. 'You alone?'

Shoving her phone into her pocket, she stood up and looked toward the back of the apartment. "I...I have to...go to the bathroom."

Margaery and Myranda exchanged a knowing look and the former gave her an innocent smile. "Of course, Sans. Take as long as you need."

Her blush deepened at the insinuation and she hurried away, ignoring the catcall Randa threw at her retreating form. Just as she closed the door, her phone rang and she answered it breathlessly.

"Hello?"

"Hello yourself, little bird."

At the sound of his voice, her knees buckled and she sank to the floor, sitting with her back against the door. "Sandor..."

She could hear him chuckle and knew that he could tell from her heavy breathing that she had received his text. And enjoyed it.

"You sure you want to try this, Sansa? If not, you can just tell me about your day. You know I just love hearing your voice." He loved…she loved hearing his voice. That deep rasp of his never failed to send pleasant shivers down her spine.

"I love hearing your voice too," she replied, desperately trying to even her gasps for air.

At that, Sandor chuckled again and she could almost see his teasing grin. "Why do I feel like you mean that far less innocently than I did?" All she could manage was a whimper and she heard the smile in his voice when he spoke again. "I take it you do want this then. I have to say, I've never done this before, but I think I've fucked you enough times to know where to start."

Good lord, she was a quivering mess already. How was he so good at this while she couldn't even manage a full sentence?

"What are you wearing, little bird?"

Of course. Why hadn't she just said that? It was the most well-known phone sex line in history. Being unoriginal was at least better than being totally ignorant.

"Umm...jeans."

His laugh was softer that time. "Yeah? Jeans? Are they the ones I like? The skinny ones that make your legs look like they go for miles and make that perfect ass of yours look good enough to eat?"

Yes, actually. Those were the ones. "Yeah."

"Mm...you look damn good in those jeans, little bird. I'm wearing the button down you bought me for my last birthday. The yellow one that you like so much."

"Do you have the sleeves rolled up?"

"Yes, ma'am."

There was nothing sexier than his perfectly tanned forearms underneath the pale yellow of those sleeves, and the curl of dark hair that sometimes escaped from the collar of his white undershirt.

"I was about to get out of it and take a shower," he continued. "But this is much better than just jerking off in the shower to thoughts of you."

Another whimper escaped her lips at that and she wet them absently with her tongue. "You can still do that."

When he responded, his voice was deeper, rougher. "Do what, little bird?"

Her breath hitched in her chest. "Touch yourself."

She was met with a moment of silence before he growled in reply. "Fuck, Sansa. Only if you do too."

She blushed at that. The first time he asked her to dip her own hand between her thighs, she had been mortified, but the look of pure desire in his eyes as he had watched her come undone had done more than enough to convince her that it may not have been as terrible as she had always thought.

"Okay."

His laugh was short and breathless and he let out a small groan into the phone, echoing her teasingly. "Okay."

She could hear the sound of his zipper and her eyes fluttered shut as she pictured him, phone cradled between his shoulder and cheek as he fumbled with his jeans. Her own fingers crept slowly downward, but before she reached her belt, he swore loudly. "Shit! Fuck!"

Her eyes snapped open and she could feel her blush deepen as she stammered into her phone. "What is it? Did you...already..."

He sounded impatient when he responded. "No. I want you, but I'm not a teenager anymore. It's your father."

She paled at that and the simmering arousal in her gut swiftly evaporated. "What?"

"Your father. He's here. I forgot that he and Catelyn invited themselves over for dinner tonight. Shit. I've gotta go, little bird. I'll call you later."

Damn it, Dad.

"Oh, okay. I love you."

"Love you too."

The golden opportunity came almost a month later. By then, Sansa had read a few more books and was feeling good about her ability to voice her desires in the event of another steamy phone call. In addition, she and Sandor had exchanged a few flirty text messages that had bolstered her confidence, and she felt more than ready to try again.

So when the Friday evening came three and half weeks later and she found herself alone in her apartment, she was ecstatic. Randa was at a frat party across campus and Margaery was at work in a department store downtown. These moments were rare, and after Sansa took her time showering and shaving, she had a nice quiet dinner and put on her new skirt with a pale blue blouse that brought out the color of her eyes.

Settling comfortably across her bed, she opened Skype and couldn't help the thrill that ran through her when she saw the little green bubble beside Sandor's name. Her fingers skimmed lightly over the keyboard before she began typing.

'I have the apartment all to myself tonight.'

The chime of a response came less than a minute later. Good. He was just as eager as she was.

'Is that so?'

She smiled. 'Yup. Marg and Randa are both out for at least the next few hours.'

'It just so happens that I'm alone too.'

Her teeth bit absently at her bottom lip as she tried to hide her growing smile.

'What a coincidence.'

Their banter beginning to infringe on their time together, the video call window popped up and Sansa answered it with a wide grin, taking in the surprisingly clear image of a dressed up and goofily grinning Sandor that appeared.

"The picture's good tonight."

He nodded in agreement and sat back, lacing his fingers behind his head. "Good thing too. I'll want to be able to see you very well." A blush crept to her cheeks at his words and she could see his smile grow in response.

"God I miss you," she murmured, wanting nothing more than to be able to reach through the screen and feel his skin beneath her palms.

His smile softened and he nodded again. "I miss you too, little bird. And you look beautiful tonight."

Her blush deepened a bit and she smiled shyly. She had tried to make a point to dress up a little and put on some makeup whenever they had a chance for a Skype date, and she knew that he thought it was just about the cutest thing in the world.

"Thank you."

A comfortable silence fell over them as they took in each other's images and after a few minutes, his smile grew sly again. "Is that your new skirt?"

Her heart fluttered and she took a deep breath to calm her nerves. This was supposed to happen. They had planned for this to happen. She just wasn't sure if she would be able to go through with it now. It felt different thinking about it hypothetically as she read about it. This...this felt real. But that was what she had wanted in the first place wasn't it? Yes, she decided. Yes it was.

"Yes. You want to see it?" Sandor nodded eagerly and she laughed at the look of almost boyish excitement that shone in his deep grey eyes.

Carefully balancing her laptop beside her, she sat up and raised a leg, bending it at the knee so the skirt fell to her mid-thigh, revealing a few more inches of her long, pale leg. She could see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed and his eyes darkened as he took in the new view.

"It's pretty. That color looks good on you."

Her full red lips curved into a smirk. "Mmhm? You want to see how it looks off of me?"

His eyes widened in surprise and she could see his hands grip the edge of his keyboard as he nodded again, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.

Making sure that she was still visible to the webcam, she moved her hands to the waistband of the skirt and slowly pulled it down, revealing a few centimeters of her newly purchased lacy white underwear at a time as she went until it was tossed onto the floor of her room.

Sandor's eyes were nearly black when she settled the computer back on her lap and he stared at her for a few seconds before speaking. "I think I like it better off."

She giggled nervously and wiggled her hips a little, getting more comfortable and watching him as he followed the movement. "Your turn."

Apparently, elaboration wasn't necessary, because she had barely spoken when he set to work unbuttoning his grey dress shirt. It came off quickly, and she took in the sight of his bare chest as he met her gaze again. She missed resting her head against the steady beating of his heart as she fell asleep. Being away from him left an ache in her chest, but seeing him like this again eased it, even if only for the moment.

"You're so handsome," she murmured quietly, smiling when a slight blush rose to the unburnt side of his face. "I miss being able to feel how strong you are when you touch me."

"I miss touching you."

She laughed lightly and her heart fluttered at his answering grin. "Tell me what you'd do then. If you were here." This didn't feel as awkward as she thought it would. It was just the two of them, separated by hundreds of miles, but as together as they could be given the circumstances.

He licked his lips again and eyed her for a moment before speaking. "I would kiss you first. Push you into your mattress and kiss you until you couldn't breathe. Until you turned away and leaned back so I could kiss your neck. I'd do it the way you like it; softly, with just enough suction to make you feel it, but not enough to leave a mark."

Sansa sighed and closed her eyes, trailing her fingers lightly across her neck and imaging that the resulting tingle was the soft brush of his lips against her skin. "What next?" she whispered when he quieted for more than a few seconds.

She could hear him clear his throat and he exhaled shakily before continuing. "Next I'd...I'd move lower. I'd push your shirt aside and kiss the freckles on your shoulders."

She smiled. It was so cute when he did that.

"Take off your shirt for me, little bird."

Her eyes fluttered back open and she met his desperate gaze for a moment before pulling it off over her head and revealing the deep red bra beneath. "I'm sorry I'm not matching," she said as she leaned back against her pillows again. "My white bra's in the laundry right now."

Sandor gave her a look. "You think I give a fuck if they're matching? You're gorgeous no matter what you have on."

Sansa smiled and cocked an eyebrow. "You know what I'd be doing while you were occupied with my freckles?"

"Mm...no. Tell me."

She watched him closely as he eyed her from beneath hooded lids. "I'd kiss behind your ear, and then take your earlobe between my lips and suck on it until you got distracted enough to stop kissing me. You'd grab my hips, just for something to hold onto, and you'd groan when I licked that spot under your jaw, just hard enough to feel your pulse." He let out a low groan just thinking about it and she reveled in the haze that clouded his eyes.

When he shifted restlessly, she gave him a knowing smirk and raised her eyebrows. "Those pants getting a little too tight?"

"A little?" He snorted and she laughed.

"Take them off then."

Apparently getting somewhat impatient, or, at the least, extremely turned on, he saved a step and when he returned to the frame, he was completely naked. Sansa took a moment to enjoy the sight as he sat down and grinned cheekily. "Your turn."

Rolling her eyes, she bit her lip to hide her smile and reached behind herself to fumble with the clasp on her bra. Sandor watched as she wiggled out of her panties and when she stretched out in front of her laptop, he let out the breath he had been unconsciously holding. "You're a fucking beauty, Sansa Stark, you know that? So perfect."

She blushed beneath his gaze but seized the feeling in the pit of her stomach and pushed forward. "How badly do you want me?"

He laughed through clenched teeth, an almost pained expression on his face. "So fucking badly, little bird. Can't you tell? I would give anything to be inside you right now. I bet you're already dripping wet, aren't you?"

Blushing hotly, she closed her eyes and nodded.

"Show me."

Very much aware of his gaze, she dropped a hand between her thighs and ran one of her fingers through the damp auburn curls there. Meeting his eyes, she withdrew it and held it up to the webcam, her breath hitching when he swore under his breath and took himself in hand.

"Shit. I need to..." He trailed off and she nodded in understanding, her eyes fluttering closed at the sudden rush of arousal as his hand began to move.

Pushing aside her insecurity, she dipped her hand back down and imagined that it was his long, talented fingers pressing against her instead of her own inexperienced ones. Regardless, she was aroused enough by the sight before her that her own touch was enough to send a shock of pleasure up her spine and she let out a moan as her back arched into the movement.

Sandor managed a vague gesture toward her chest and let out a stream of curses when she lifted her free hand and toyed with one of her pebbled nipples. They fell into silence as they each watched the other, low moans and stifled cries of pleasure the only sounds between them.

Right as Sansa felt the tight coil in the pit of her stomach beginning to unravel Sandor let out an impressive string of profanity and she watched as his face contorted in pleasure, vaguely wondering if she should take a screenshot to capture the moment. Although he couldn't understand why she found his scrunched up orgasm face attractive, he humored her nonetheless whenever she watched him come undone with a happy smile on her face.

Not particularly wanting his undivided attention as she chased her own release, she increased the pace of her fingers and was squirming, teetering on the edge, when she heard Sandor speak. "Little bird…" His voice was soft and he had a dreamy look on his face as he watched her. His hand lifted from its place across his stomach and he softly traced the line of her jaw as it appeared on his screen. "I love you."

Those three words, and the look of adoration and sincerity in his gaze made her unravel, and her unbridled cry of pleasure as she trembled covered the sound of a door opening somewhere else in the apartment. A vaguely familiar sound tried to force its way to her ears, but it wasn't until she lay panting and weak on her bed that she recognized it.

Applause. From outside her bedroom door.

Sandor chuckled and Sansa covered her face with her hands as a bright blush flooded her cheeks. Yes, she decided. Telling Margaery and Myranda about her dilemma was undeniably, irrefutably, the worst decision that she had ever made.