When Arthur woke up on thursday morning, he felt like he was standing on an edge of a very steep cliff. Today he would have to go to the house he had grown up. Today he would have to go through all his stuff he wanted to take with him and move to a new home. Hunith had tried to comfort him yesterday and make him ready for the moving, of saying goodbye to his old home. She had tried to make him feel safe and she had reminded that he was very much welcome and that he would have a choice to make his own decisions if he ever felt he had changed his mind and there would be no hard feelings in that. If he wanted to try to get in touch with his sister, she would help him with that. It had helped in a way. After their conversation Arthur had felt a bit surer of his relationship with Hunith, even if this whole talking like equals with an adult, a parent? had felt foreign and because of that a bit stressful.
But that wasn't what had been weighing Arthur's mind. He hadn't even thought of how final his decision to move in with Merlin as his boyfriend had been for he was absolutely terrified of even seeing his old home. The hotel had felt like a safe, comfortable nest he could share with Merlin who he loved and Hunith who took care of him. The house he had thought he had known inside out on the other hand felt like a sum of his life as it had been. Cold, lonely and full of lies. And what didn't make this any easier was that they had a schedule.
When Hunith had asked if Arthur wanted to go to his practises, Arthur had just thought that sure, something normal would be very much welcome, but when Hunith had nodded at him approvingly stating that then it would be as good time as any to go and pack their belongings, Arthur had wanted to take his words back immediately or deny that he needed to go home for that, but he knew very well that all his football stuff was in his car and his car was in the garage where he had left it on monday. That small pause he had made when he had thought this, allowed Hunith to continue how she was sorry to ask them this, but she would need help with packing. She couldn't decided what they would want to take with them and what not.
Arthur had to accept this logic and he had tried to tell himself that it was better to do it now and be over with it. They would move to the new, nice and definitely not too small house where he would have a real room to share with Merlin. Still when he had to step out from the hotel room and close the door behind him, he couldn't stop thinking why his brain had to make entering and exiting rooms such a big deal.
The twenty minute ride with a cab (which was the last thing Hunith wove she would pay with Uther's credit card) was quiet. Hunith was nervous and she kept looking at them both very closely. Merlin didn't seem to mind much, it was actually quite weird how little he had reacted when his mother had asked if he was ok going back to the house. He had just shrugged, really looking like he didn't care much either way and told his mother how he would rather live through the trouble of moving himself than letting Arthur mess up his stuff.
Arthur tried to stay relaxed, or at least look like he was, but he had also let himself edge as close to Merlin as possible. It helped him to keep it together. In a weak moment he thought that it would have been easier if Merlin was fidgety or nervous or even scared. Just something, anything else than this passiveness that would allow Arthur to concentrate on taking care of him rather than dwell inside of his own head. But when he really thought that in words in his head, he felt horrible and guilty and just a lousy human being. Of course he wouldn't want that. What the hell was wrong with him?! It was just gathering some stuff and being gone for crying out loud...
Still he gathered some courage and took Merlin's hand in his gently for the last few minutes of the ride and concentrated on how Merlin was calm and almost looking bored. He didn't even blush when Arthur took his hand and Arthur could find some comfort from that.
When they climbed out of the cab, Arthur didn't let go of Merlin's hand. He looked at the house in a way he hadn't looked at it for years. It was so familiar that he hadn't really needed to. He asked one more time if Merlin wanted him to stay with him, but Merlin just looked at him finally blushing slightly and letting his hand fall from Arthur's in order to wave at him dismissively. "Nah, you go take care of your team. There is now way Mr. 'I get paid for showing up, I don't care about anything else' will suddenly start coaching."
"But are you going to be alright… I mean…" Arthur still tried hesitantly knowing full well that he himself wanted to use this excuse to delay walking in the house. Maybe he should ask if Merlin wanted to come with him actually… "I'll be fine. Mother is here anyway and it's not like this house will try to eat me." Merlin just said his face again mostly blank but also slightly annoyed. Arthur didn't want to annoy Merlin and he could kind of see now that he had asked similar questions all the time last night and this morning. Maybe asking once would have been enough…
"Alright… I'll just go now then…" he still felt a bit unsure of leaving, but when Merlin just started to walk towards the front door waving him goodbye and saying "Yeah, try to survive without me of the horrors of mundane tasks." Arthur felt he had no choice. He walked to the garage and climbed to his car before he could start feeling anxious about that too and drove off.
While driving further away from the house, Arthur's mind started to clear a bit. He felt concern for Merlin and for Hunith. Even if Merlin had seemed fine, what about when the door had closed behind him? What about when he would have to go to his room? Would there still be bloody shirts and broken handcuffs all over the place? How would Hunith handle seeing that? He wanted to be there for them, but to be honest, he seriously wished that he never had to see the house again. He wished that they would be ready with the packing by the time he was finished with his practices and he could just drive there and pack some boxes to his car and never come back.
These feelings were something he had not been prepared for. When Hunith had decided to buy their new house, Arthur had expected himself to feel sentimental or sad that he would never go to his childhood home again, but instead he felt somehow bitter and betrayed. He saw now how little fond memories the house held. It was a cold place and so much had been tainted now that he knew what had happened there. He felt too many memories surface in a whole new way and he felt like his father could pop from any corner while he wasn't there.
When he parked his car, Arthur had to take a moment to just breath and close his eyes. He wanted to hold Merlin close. That always made him feel better and more collected. He realised that he would have to tell something to his team mates of why Merlin wasn't here today like he had been recently and he had to tell them eventually that he had moved. He didn't know what to tell them and while he felt a need to tell everybody that he was moving in with his boyfriend, he didn't have the courage right now. His world had been shaken to the core in the last week or so and he couldn't risk of shaking the little he had remaining of the world he knew.
Also, he wasn't sure what Merlin thought of him telling that they were going out. They still had two years to go to this school after all. He breathed in and out couple of times resting his forehead on the steering wheel and he tried to concentrate on making up something to do with the team as fast as possible. In the minds of this all he had completely forgotten that he was supposed to plan at least something for the team. When he walked towards the field trying to collect his thoughts of what had happened in the last practice and what he had thought he would need to address this week, he realised that he only had ten minutes to take all the stuff out (Merlin usually did that during their warm ups and Lance had done that before him). What Merlin had told him when they and parted now made a lot more sense.
He decided on a basic warm up and just some friendly games. He couldn't make himself to care much right now. He just wished that the psychical activity would take his mind off of things.
The physical activity didn't take Arthur's mind anywhere. He couldn't concentrate and he kept seeing and feeling snippets of what had happened last monday and every few minutes his brain found something new that Merlin had done or said in the past and connected it to some other things. Like when Merlin had locked himself to his bathroom or when he had been unable to run in PE, or when he had snapped Arthur that one morning on the day they had kissed the first time. 'Oh God, I really did ask Merlin if father had been harsh… ' he remembered devastated and he had to stop running just to get his head stop spinning.
Eventually the coach scolded him for not concentrating which made the team grumpy for the unjust they felt. Their captain was the best captain ever and the coach could himself do something like Lance had always done. Nobody made a direct fuss but the playing was affected and the team work suffered and Arthur just had no will to do anything about it. It would have needed too much work and concentration he just didn't have at the moment.
By the time it was time to have a break and eat, Arthur was ready to give up and just dismiss the whole practice and go home. It wasn't like his father had any say on that even if the coach did and he was in no condition to be of any use to his team. He didn't even care anymore if he had to go to Merlin's room to clean up pieces of handcuffs or whatever. He just couldn't take the noise and his teammates running around him in a way that should have made sense to him, but at the moment just felt like chaos.
He sat down and looked at a package of food Hunith had bought for him from the hotel in the morning. Arthur didn't feel hungry at all and he was covered in cold sweat even though he had barely moved during the practice.
"Hey, Arthur, is everything alright?" Arthur rose his gaze. It was Elyan. He sat next to Arthur opening his own lunch. It was clearly made by Gwen and Arthur wondered what she would do when she found out what had happened. It would have been easy to just say that nothing was wrong and that he was just a bit tired or that he hadn't slept well, but he then understood that that was what Merlin would have done, so he looked at Elyan for a moment very seriously while he started to slowly eat looking at Arthur with honest concern. Yes, Elyan was a good friend.
"No… It has been a crazy awful week…" He said tiredly and Elyan stopped his eating. He hadn't expected Arthur to be so… depressed. And honest about it. "Has something happened?" He asked even if obviously something had. Arthur was one of his best friends and on top of that he respected him. He was the reason Elyan had found a way to vent his anger and extra energy and he had calmed down and eventually found his feet. Arthur had a talent of demanding the best out of Elyan while never asking too much and still he never felt that Arthur was somehow above him, they were equals and with Arthur he could be comfortable through everything. He seriously hoped that nothing too serious had happened.
Arthur looked at him with a pained expression and Elyan knew it was something serious. He remembered when his mother had died and he felt his own pain. He hoped no-one had died. He then realised who was missing. Merlin hadn't shown his face today. He felt his eyes widen. It couldn't be…
"We are moving." Arthur said and Elyan let out a relieved breath. That had given him a fright… "When I say 'we' I mean me, Merlin and Hunith. We are moving today." Elyan might have had some kind of comment of how not to frighten him like that, but it died in his throat.
"What about you father? Is he alright?" Elyan's voice held real concern but Arthur couldn't help but look angry at the mention of his father and Elyan backed away slightly when he saw Arthur's expression. Arthur had to breath in slowly to calm himself down. He again saw a snipped of Merlin's face from one time he had been sleeping in Arthur's bed and he had waken up looking frightened. He shuddered. Merlin had mistaken Arthur to be his father.
Elyan looked at Arthur with concern. Something was definitely wrong, but this wasn't the place and time to talk about it. Even Elyan knew that much. "Need any help with moving?" He asked instead and after a while Arthur nodded at him. "If you could come to help to unpack and carry some heavy stuff today… I'll text you the address." Arthur was glad that Elyan seemed to understand not to press him right now and offering his help… well, Arthur was happy that he didn't have to make Merlin help him lift anything heavy.
The brake was over too soon and Arthur felt heavy when he lifted himself from the ground. He saw Merlin dragging himself up to get something with a slight limp. The night before, Hunith had been away.
He couldn't do this. Arthur told the team that he had to go. He was sorry and he would make them sweat the next monday, he promised. The team was confused and some seemed worried of the sudden announcement, but someone (Arthur couldn't even concentrate on who was talking) said that Arthur was obviously sick and that he should go home and rest. They had no use on a captain who killed himself on the field. This was said in good humour and the rest of them accepted this excuse and many commented how Arthur needed to get better and sounding worried of him overdoing himself. Arthur, while he didn't say that it was correct, didn't deny it either.
Elyan organised some guys to take everything inside and he promised to Arthur that he would take care of the rest here. Arthur gave him a thankful smile and went straight to his car without even showering or looking back when the coach tried to yell him back to give him an explanation.
The driving didn't give him much comfort and his old home looked foreign and his distress just grew when he opened the door connecting the garage and the living room. There was no-one in sight and Arthur started to climb the stairs. There were already some boxes in the hallway and Arthur saw Hunith coming out from his closet carrying some clothes. She looked surprised to see Arthur but let it go and just told him that Merlin was in his own room. Arthur nodded at her and made his way to Merlin's room. He had to see him.
Merlin was currently emptying his desk drawers to a box when Arthur stepped to his room. The room was clean and there were none of the items Arthur had been dreading in sight, only some small pieces of yellow tape here and there probably marking something or the other. Only what Merlin was packing and few already sealed boxes were on the floor.
"Merlin…" Arthur said feeling like the room was trying to swallow him. He saw Merlin's bed and he shuddered. How could Merlin be here alone looking so normal was beyond Arthur. Or scratch that, how had Merlin been able to continue living in this room for so long was a miracle in Arthur's books.
Merlin turned around looking surprised and maybe a bit tense, but he soon relaxed when he saw Arthur. "How come you are so early?" Merlin asked after glancing at his alarm clock that was in an open box next to him. Arthur didn't know what to say. He needed Merlin. Right now. He walked to Merlin, sat next to him and hugged him tightly. Merlin made a small 'huh?' sound and Arthur just hugged him more tightly until Merlin patted him to his back in a confused but calming way. Arthur kind of remembered that Merlin might not like this kind of strong hold, but when Merlin didn't seem to mind, he didn't lessen his hold.
"How can you be so calm?" He had to finally ask still resting his head on Merlin's shoulder. Merlin seemed to think for a while and he looked around the room. "I guess I'm just used to it and besides… I don't have to come back." Arthur nodded at that. It didn't sound nice but Merlin was right. They never had to come back. "And besides, it's not all so bad. I mean, It's not the room… or the house. And here I got to meet you…" Merlin said shyly turning his face away.
Arthur rose his head from Merlin's shoulder and looked at him in wonder. Merlin's cheeks were red and Arthur felt his own cheeks warm a bit. Then he breathed out and he felt his facial muscles relax. Merlin was right. There had been some good days especially in Arthur's room and nothing bad had happened there. Arthur had kissed Merlin for the first time in his room and he had some fond memories with Morgana here from the time they had been children. He and Merlin had played football in the garden and slept in Arthur's bed. The house was just a house now when the threat, his father, was not here. And Arthur would never come here to meet his father.
He was starting to feel that coming here had not been a bad thing. He could pack the things he wanted to take to his new life without feeling that just twenty minutes drive away was this looming monster of a house.
Arthur kissed Merlin quickly to his cheek making Merlin blush some more and Arthur grinned at him. He felt light years better and he found himself wondering how come Merlin always made him feel so much better so easily.
After that Arthur offered to help Merlin. He didn't want to leave his side, he wasn't feeling that confident. It didn't take long for them to pack everything Merlin owned. After Arthur had lifted the boxes to his car, they moved to help Hunith who had much more to pack. Arthur had a closet full of clothes and stuff from his childhood and sports stuff and while Hunith had been able to pack the obvious ones, she needed Arthur's help to sort everything out. She had regret in her voice when she had to remind Arthur that everything wouldn't fit their new apartment, but Arthur wasn't a type to get attached to things like that. He found some of his most valuable memories easily. Even some of those he wouldn't take with him, because they were connected too much to his father.
When they had carried all the boxes downstairs, Hunith told them she would now inform the moving company that they were ready. They would be on their way soon and they would take care of lifting all the heavy furniture. Merlin didn't seem surprised so they must have decided on that while Arthur had been away. Arthur was about to comment how good idea that was, but then his eyes fell on the corner of their dining room table. There, laid neatly was a necklace Uther had bought for Hunith on their anniversary, her wedding ring and the credit card Hunith had used to pay for their hotel.
"How much does it cost to hire the moving company?" Arthur asked and Hunith paused in the middle of dialling the number. "I asked for two men and a van… it's not cheap, but I think it's worth the time we will safe." She said honestly and Arthur thought fast.
"Elyan promised to help and I'm sure we could carry all the heavy stuff. I'm quite sure that his grandfather has a van he could loan so it would only cost the gas." He could see how tempted Hunith was of this opportunity so before she could try to be polite and refuse, Arthur used the opportunity to convince her that it really was fine, they didn't have that much stuff anyway and that he and Elyan were as strong as some hired men. Arthur could almost hear Merlin rolling his eyes behind Arthur's back, but Hunith agreed that it would be a great help and so Arthur called Elyan to make plans.
Elyan was already on his way home and he immediately agreed. He offered to call some others to help too, but Arthur felt it was better the less there were people, so he only agreed when Elyan stated that Gwen would at least come. There was no way of making her not to come and help.
It would probably take at least an hour before Elyan would arrive, his grandparents lived just outside the city and it was at least half an hour drive from where they lived, but it was alright, that gave them more time to discus of which furnitures they would want and need to take with them. At least Arthur's bed wasn't optional because even if Arthur had been able to make her take his money (which was more or less exactly the amount Hunith had needed) as a loan (she wouldn't agree in any other way) because it would be cheaper than a bank loan (no interests) they wouldn't have any money to buy new furniture for a while. Merlin had offered his money but neither of them wanted to hear about that. Merlin finally gave up when Hunith told him that it would be better anyway to have some savings in case something unexpected happened.
Hunith was, of course, clear that she didn't want any furniture from her and Uther's room. She couldn't even think of sleeping in that bed anymore and it was anyway too big for her new room (she had already decided that the boys could get the bigger bedroom). The only things she would take with her were from their old home she had taken with her. Arthur helped her to lift a small kitchen table and four wooden chairs from the attic alongside a night table and some paintings already in frames and some boxes with linen and clothes and some kitchen stuff. Merlin was happy to see those, he told Arthur his father had painted the two aquarelle paintings and he blushed a bit when his mother showed one in a smaller frame that Merlin had painted a long time ago. Arthur liked it, he thought it was cute.
Arthur didn't have much opinion on his furnitures so he followed Merlin's lead. Merlin told them that it was ok, if they took his couch to their new living room but when Hunith asked if Merlin wanted anything else, he just shook his head looking repulsed by the idea. This made Hunith again look like she was about to cry and soon she made an excuse to go downstairs to see how many trips they needed to take to get all the stuff to their new home. It was the first time Merlin had shown any discomfort in this house so far and it hit Arthur quite hard. He had no idea of what to do or say.
It only took about ten second of awkward silence before Merlin broke it "The couch is not very heavy, we could try to get it out of my room ourselves." Arthur didn't reply but followed again surprisingly calm Merlin to his room and they removed the cushions and pillows from the couch and tried if they could lift it themselves. The couch wasn't that heavy, Arthur agreed with Merlin on that and he had no trouble of lifting it, but Merlin clearly had. His strength couldn't support the weight and even if he tried not to look like that in front of Arthur, he still was in a bad shape. His shoulder hurt from the stretch and his legs were giving in even when he just stood still, he didn't dare to try to lift one of them up in order to take a step, much less walk.
Arthur decided to not to call Merlin on it and just placed his end of the couch on the floor so Merlin could do the same. Arthur put the cushions back to the couch and when they both sat down, he gently guided Merlin to rest his head on his shoulder. Merlin closed his eyes and let himself relax while Arthur caressed his hair. He listened if he could hear his mother, but decided that now was the time that he wouldn't mind if she walked in and saw them like this. She had been so understanding when she had seen them sleeping in a same bed so Merlin tried to trust that she really was alright with this too. Trying to lift the couch hadn't been the best of the ideas, he felt his pulse in his legs and his shoulder was burning. He could trust that the wound hadn't opened from experience, but he still had to fight an urge to touch it to make sure.
Arthur looked at the room slowly and he saw snippets of Merlin handcuffed to his bed and Merlin vomiting in his bathroom and whatever his imagination threw at him. Arthur wanted to leave this room, but Merlin didn't seem like he wanted to move. His breathing hadn't evened out and Arthur noticed that his legs were shaking slightly. "You have anything here that you want? Like your desk? It's bigger than mine…" Arthur asked mainly to say something. He didn't think too much of how Merlin felt about that. He understood the bed, but if Merlin was ok, with his couch, Arthur didn't see why not a desk. It was full wooden desk with a very nice deicing. Morgana had chosen it and she had a good eye on these kind of things.
Merlin grimaced against his shoulder. "No. You don't want to know…" He said and closed his eyes tighter in a way that Arthur found troubling. Like he was trying to close his mind from a memory rather than his eyes from something he actually saw. Then it hit Arthur.
"On-on the desk….?" He asked repulsed, not really sure if he wanted to know and when Merlin just nodded against his shoulder, Arthur felt like he had to run away from this room. Now.
The only thing keeping him from doing that, was Merlin who was still leaning onto his shoulder. The dragging silence made some masochist braincell in Arthur head ask "But not on this couch?" He feared the answer almost as much as to his previous question even though he kept in mind that Merlin had accepted this furniture. If the answer would however be 'yes' Arthur was ready to jump off, gather Merlin in his arms and leave the room right now.
Merlin shook his head against Arthur's shoulder and Arthur relaxed as much as humanly possible in the present situation. "Try not to think too much of it. I like your furniture." Merlin mumbled tiredly. Merlin was still calm but to Arthur it seemed that he was getting emotionally drained here and fast.
"Lets go to my room. I'll carry this couch with Elyan when he comes." Merlin nodded and made a move to stand up. He wasn't too happy about having to see Elyan and especially Gwen this soon, but he had no choice and even if he was quite sure that if he had asked not to see them, his mother would have called the moving company and Arthur had let it go, but thinking that didn't sit right with him. He hadn't wanted to be selfish like that.
Hunith was currently stacking the boxes and writing on top of each to which room they were supposed to go. She had also made a list of the furniture they were going to take so they wouldn't miss anything by chance. To Arthur it seemed that she was just trying to do anything to keep her mind busy, but he also understood the sentiment behind her actions. She didn't want to come back here either.
They used almost an hour to empty all the books from Arthur's bookshelf and desk. Hunith packed what Arthur placed in front of her and he stacked what he wouldn't take against the wall under his window and carried all the boxes downstairs. He let Merlin choose which books they would take with them.
They worked mostly quietly for a while, but when Hunith started to talk about the new house, Arthur was very pleased to join the conversation to break the silence. Eventually Hunith asked them if they were allright with sharing Arthur's bed. She herself would sleep on the living room couch (the one from Merlin's room) while saving money for a new bed and she asked if they also wanted a second bed or maybe a wider one. Merlin was shy on the subject but at that point Arthur was comfortable enough to happily tell Hunith that he would like to sleep with Merlin anyway. Hunith smiled a bit deviously at that finally making Arthur also blush and Merlin shut down from this world.
"Anyway, I was thinking that you two could take the bigger bedroom." Hunith offered them trying to keep hold on the lighter mood they had been able to create and even if Merlin was still shut down, Arthur answered for the both of them naturally "Thank you, the room was great, Merlin also liked it." He was smiling a bit while thinking how nice it was how Hunith was taking this. If Hunith had been moody or nervous or looking as pained as Arthur knew she was feeling, Arthur was sure he would have been too. Having Hunith carefully telling him what she really thought and was doing without showing emotions like regret or hurt helped Arthur tremendously.
When he saw Arthur smile, Merlin managed to nod stiffly and he mumbled his thanks too. Hunith smiled at them fondly. She was feeling better and better with the decision to buy the house. The insecurity she felt of the decision to buy her first own house and how uneasy she still felt of taking Arthur's money aside, seeing how uncomfortable Arthur was in this house and how excited he seemed with the new one and Merlin… she couldn't even beginning to understand what he thought even though he had been very much indifferent and had practically pushed her out of his room stating that Arthur's closet wouldn't pack itself and that 'it's just a room for God's sake', Hunith was quite sure that it was essential to get him into new and stable environment. A place they could all call 'home'.
Elyan and Gwen came with an old blue van just when Arthur had managed to carry the last boxes downstairs. Merlin was resting on a living room couch, he hadn't wanted to, but Hunith had made him rest after she had seen how his legs shook when he walked downstairs carrying a box full of books. After laying down for a while, Merlin had to admit that it was a relief. He couldn't carry much more anyway, all the rest was too heavy for him. Merlin didn't rise to greet his friends nor did he make a move to even make his presence known. He would be happy if nobody talked to him for a while.
"Oh Merlin is there, on the couch." Merlin heard Arthur's voice and he grimaced. He soon heard steps and Gwen's face came to his vision. 'I should have pretended to be asleep…' Merlin thought bitterly but it was too late.
"Merlin, are you alright? Has something happened? Why are you moving so suddenly?" She asked immediately worried to the core and Merlin sighed and pain filled his expression. He didn't have energy for this and he didn't want to talk to Gwen. Especially not here. Gwen had never visited this house and Merlin didn't want her to look at his room thinking what had happened in there.
Gwen looked more worried by the second when Merlin didn't answer to her, but luckily Arthur saw the situation and came to Merlin's rescue. "Gwen, lets move first and we will talk when we get to our new house." Gwen didn't look satisfied but with one more look to Merlin who had turned his face away, Gwen nodded reluctantly. When she moved to help Arthur with something, Merlin let his breath out. He would have to talk to Gwen soon, but at least it wasn't now. He stood up slowly and went to take some of the lighter stuff to carry to the van.
It was late when Arthur dropped the last box of his stuff to the already filled floor of his and Merlin's new bedroom. He was exhausted. He and Elyan had single handedly carried every furniture downstairs in his old home and to the van, then everything out of the van and in the apartment. Some things had been ok, in Uther's house. The stairs were straight and wide and there was enough space to carry for example a 120cm wide bed without a problem, but here… Getting to bed to fit the stairs and to their room had been like a battle. Arthur's couch hadn't been much better. Arthur wished that he would never have to move these furnitures anywhere again.
Elyan was currently lying on the said couch. He hadn't whined even once during the moving but he was clearly as exhausted as Arthur was and now he let it show. Gwen was sitting on the floor, leaning to one of the many piles of boxes and Merlin was lying on their bed. He had been here about a half an hour after he had almost fainted from fatigue. He really wasn't fit for these kind of things. Hunith had gone to buy some food for all of them and she had thanked Elyan and Gwen like hundred times of their help.
Arthur was hungry and he was worried about Merlin. They had had some light lunch Hunith had made with what she had been able to find from Uther's fridge, but it was too long ago in Arthur's opinion. Hunith had also been worried when she had seen the time, but Merlin had just assured that he had been without food for longer times (not making Hunith any happier).
Hunith had let him decide what he wanted to eat and Merlin had asked timidly for a vegetarian pizza and if pizza was alright for everyone. At that point Arthur had been being crushed in between their room's doorway and their couch so he hadn't had any other opinion than food nor had Elyan who was trying to keep the couch in a position where it wouldn't fall back downstairs. Gwen had been fine with everything so Hunith had searched for the nearest pizza place from her cellphone. She was already halfway out of the door when Merlin had yelled after her that he wanted a chicken pizza instead of the vegetarian one. He had forgotten that he could do that now.
Now, they had nothing else to do than wait for Hunith and Arthur hoped that Gwen and Elyan would not ask anything before he got something to eat, but there was no such luck. "So… Are you going to tell us now why we had to suddenly empty your house and carry it all here?" Elyan had sat up and Arthur sighed faintly. He had to sit down for this. He sat next to Elyan and Gwen had turned to look at him looking mostly just curious, but also a tad worried. Merlin didn't say anything for a while, but then he also stood up and made his way to sit in the corner of the couch, next to their window, Arthur sitting on his other side.
Arthur looked at Merlin a bit worried. He wasn't sure what he wanted to tell and how and Arthur had no idea either. If he could pretend that he had no father to Gwen and Elyan, he would have been so much happier with himself, but of course that was not possible. Arthur felt embarrassed and guilty on the behalf of his father and everything was still sinking in and his wounds were too deep and fresh and even still opening all the time. He felt his battle had just begun. That and he couldn't even begun to think what Merlin was feeling right now. What kept Arthur going was the need to protect Merlin.
"My father did a horrible crime and he's in prison now." He finally said. His voice sounded distant to his own ears but it was surprisingly stable. Merlin turned his head to look at Arthur and brushed lightly his elbow giving him a signal that he wasn't alone. Arthur felt he got some sort of hidden last strengths he had stored in some deep place inside of him and it was unraveling when Merlin looked at him like that. He could do this. And then he would be useless until at least tomorrow.
Gwen and Elyan looked at him surprised their mouths hanging open. That mustn't even made it to the list of their speculations. "Wha- your father? How? When?" Elyan was the first to get his ability to speak back and even he had not much sense or order in all the questions popping to his head.
Arthur looked at him pained expression plastered on his face and Elyan wished he had any sort of idea of what to do in these type of situations. Gwen had always been better with this type of things but now she was quiet and still and Elyan knew her expression. She was too afraid to ask. From that Elyan guessed she at least had some sort of guess, and when Gwen slowly moved her gaze from Arthur to Merlin, Elyan was sure of that.
Arthur had to take few calming breaths and think his sentence in advance couple of times before he could make any sound come out of his mouth. He felt this so much harder than talking to a police officers he didn't really know. "He was arrested on monday. He- it was-" Arthur glanced at Merlin who was looking at him with shame and disgust on his face that was not directed at Arthur, but more like to himself. Arthur knew he was only looking at his direction showing support because he was thankful that Arthur did the talking.
"It was multiple rape." He finally finished not able to look either Elyan or Gwen. He knew how Elyan's mother had died. Elyan had 'told' when he was still trying to be rebel towards everything and Arthur had gotten him to break down. After that they had had a serious talk. After that Elyan had started to settle down. It was then when Arthur had started to think that he had friends, that Elyan had so much potential and that he was someone Arthur could be proud to call his friend even if he never met his father's standards.
Gwen breathed sharply in and covered his mouth with her hand. Elyan looked deeply troubled and he moved away from Arthur. It hurt, even if Arthur was quite sure it wasn't because of him, but that Elyan needed space. It was like the word 'rape' had hit him with a baseball bat.
There was a moment of silence that kept dragging. Until Gwen who saw something wrong in the way Arthur and Merlin looked. She breathed sharply in "No…" Her voice hitched and she wavered. She was looking at Merlin who answered her gaze before turning to look out of the window. "Yes… it was me." He said with a quiet voice. Gwen started to breath too quickly and silent tears run down her cheeks "No! It can't be! I… no…" her words broke down as her breathing came too frequent. She put a hand on her mouth and rose up with shaky legs and came to hug Merlin.
When Merlin didn't make any kind of movement, Arthur made room for Gwen and she sat down hugging Merlin who just stared out of the window looking almost bored. Gwen kept hugging him until her tears died out and even after that she had trouble breathing normally. Arthur fished a napkin from his pocket (with so much crying going on lately, Arthur had prepared) and handed it to Gwen who took it with a nod before blowing her nose and hugging Merlin again. Elyan looked like he had swallowed a whole pineapple.
Merlin felt empty. He had told his story already to police and he had talked with Freya. And his mother. And Arthur. He had cried so much already that he had no strength left for that. In a way he was glad that Gwen was crying so he didn't have to, but seeing Gwen so heartbroken made him feel so tired… Like the air around him was something thick trying to hold him down and even breathing it needed too much effort. His mind was blank and he was barely conscious of the things that were, had been or even where he was. He wasn't even sure what he was feeling at the moment. Maybe that he was relieved that no-one was yet to blame him at least to his face?
"Your- your father did… to Merlin…?" Elyan had found his voice even if it sounded the same he looked like. Arthur nodded and buried his face to his hands. He was spent. "I found out last week… I can't-" He didn't know what. Maybe nothing.
Elyan remained still for a moment, but then he patted Arthur's back and when Arthur looked at his eyes, he knew that Elyan understood. Arthur remembered how they had talked about Elyan's mother and he knew that Elyan was saying with his eyes to remember what Arthur had told him then. It wasn't the words for the situation had been totally different, but the message that he wasn't alone and that he had to go forward. Arthur was glad he had friends like Elyan and Gwen.
Gwen's breathing had calmed down and she was about to ask something from Arthur or Merlin, but then she seemed to realise something and she let go of still unanimated Merlin. "I'm sorry! I didn't think… I- I didn't hurt you did I?" She said and Arthur realised that Gwen knew how much Merlin didn't like to be touched and she had found the reason for that. Much like Arthur had, and he recognised the same fear that she had made Merlin uncomfortable without realising. Now and before.
Arthur was about to tell Gwen that he hadn't seen Merlin look uncomfortable, but to his surprise, Merlin turned to look at Gwen calmly and he said "Since when it is traumatising to have a hug from pretty girl like you?" He even smiled a little even if it didn't reach his eyes. Gwen looked like she was about to cry again and Merlin hugged her gently making Arthur wonder from where did Merlin find his strength all the time."It's alright…" he said to Gwen and Elyan also.
Elyan shook his head pressing his eyes. He liked Merlin and he truly understood what rape meant. The word 'multiple' kept ringing in his ears painfully loud. Gwen also shook her head a bit and rose her gaze and she looked deep into Merlin's eyes. "You don't have to act brave for us, we are here for you." Her voice was clear and sure and something shattered inside Merlin. He hugged Gwen again this time more desperately and Gwen put her arms around him and held him for a long time.
They were interrupted by Hunith who came home hands full of grocery bags and five pizzas. They all were hungry, even Merlin had appetite today and they made their way downstairs, Arthur first with Elyan telling him not to say much to Hunith, she was not well also. Elyan understood and tried to look normal.
Gwen let go of Merlin reluctantly and she took his hand briefly before saying "Thank you, for telling me. And I'm sorry how I acted… You must think I'm not very reliable just crying on your shoulder…" Merlin shook his head. "No… don't apologise. I needed a hug… and like I said, it's nice to get a hug from a pretty girl like you." Merlin tried to lighten the mood automatically. It was kind of formed to be a habit when he had to tell left and right not to worry about his weight.
Gwen looked at him with a small, sad smile on her lips "But that's not really your thing, is it?" She asked and Merlin had to stop to the middle of the stairs. "Wha-?" He wasn't sure if he was reading Gwen right. "I meant pretty girls. I mean girls, not just the pretty ones obviously…" Merlin could just stare. He was happy that Elyan and Arthur were making noise and going on about pizza fillings rather than listening what he and Gwen were talking about, but fear ran through Merlin and Gwen must have picked it up because she smiled at Merlin trying to look encouraging and hugged him warmly again.
Merlin couldn't say anything but he was thankful of the gesture. He finally sighed and turned his gaze down. How come everyone seemed to know his sexual orientation this week? He felt a sudden pointlessness and as he stood here, in the middle of the stairs, hungry, thin, hurt and tired, he wondered what has been the point of all that he had gone through. Then he looked at Gwen whose eyes were glittering with new tears and her eyes swollen and red from crying. She was still smiling at him and Merlin felt a spark of warmness in his heart. Gwen was still his friend. She had known and she still was his friend even now that she knew what had happened… Merlin grinned at him and Gwen's smiled turned real. Merlin felt that their friendship rose to a new level with that smile.
"Merlin! Gwen! We will eat everything if you don't hurry!" Arthur yelled and Merlin took Gwen's hand and they went to eat with the rest of them.
When Percy had dragged himself to the room two, Gwaine had been already opening the computer. He was still all glee and Percy felt a need to do something about it. Gwaine wouldn't be this happy after he had seen what that sick bastard had done to his friend, but there was no way of protecting Gwaine from that.
Still Percy gently but in a determined way took the mouse from Gwaine's hand and leaned over him to continue what he had been doing. He knew that to his friend it would make a whole lot of a difference to just watch or to be the one to push a button to make the next picture appear. This was one of the things that showed how inexperienced Gwaine was in this profession. Not everything could come from natural talent.
Leon was also waking up and when Gwaine kept practically singing 'we got the photos', he too got some energy in him. Elena was now in the room too and she kept smiling that annoying smile while looking at Percy who was hovering behind Gwaine to use the computer while Gwaine was jumping up and down in front of him on the chair he was sitting in. Was it that they were too close? Percy looked at Gwaine once and then pushed the chair sending it sliding across the floor taking Gwaine with it while muttering how he was on the way while pulling himself another chair. Gwaine just laughed like a child and made an extra spin with his chair, he was in high spirits after all. Percy didn't want to look up to see which kind of face Elena was making now.
It only took a minute to download all the files, send them to a printer down the hall and open them. Gwaine had rolled with his chair back so he could see from behind Percy's shoulder and Elena and Leon were soon leaning as close to the screen as possible. Gwaine thought it was a wonder what late nighters and working hard on something did to one's personal space while Percy dismissed (not the first time in his life) the thought of how people made no sense in regard of physical closeness. Why was nobody asking if he was secretly dating Elena now when her boobs were practically squeezing against his back?
What Gwaine had to see then would never leave his mind. First the pictures were like normal stalker photos were. Photos of Merlin where he clearly wasn't aware that he had been watched but still in normal settings like in hallway or in the garden but then they changed to be in places like in shower clearly taken from a crack of door and sleeping on his bed his upper button open and such.
Then it really changed.
There were photos of Merlin naked looking like he was about to die in shame. Merlin looking pained and scared while having a dick in his mouth. Merlin lying on his stomach Uther's hand holding him down his fingers in Merlin's ass and finally pictures of Merlin, handcuffed to his bed biting a pillow in order not to cry out of pain, silent tears running down his cheeks, Uther's thing up in his ass, Merlin lying on his back trying to cover his face while Uther had his way with him.
There were several pictures of some of the cases and there were so many that Gwaine lost count. He felt sick. This was what Merlin had been so afraid of. He had confessed that Uther had threatened him with these photos, Gwaine had mentally kicked himself for forgetting every time he had listened the recording again, but this was something else. This was horrible and a vivid reminder of what rape really meant.
As the pictures went on, Merlin seemed to get thinner and thinner and Gwaine couldn't help but think that Uther had liked to keep Merlin thin so he stayed young looking and vulnerable. This man was a pedophile and by the look of things he had enjoyed the control he had over Merlin.
When Percy hit the last picture and the screen turned black, they were silent for a moment. It was broken by Leon who pointed out that it would be the best if they called the prosecutor as soon as possible and it would be great if they could use Freya to point out any damage she could from the photos.
"I need some air…" Gwaine just told them and walked out of the room. The rest of them just watched until Gwaine was out of sight.
Soon Percy stood up to followed Gwaine and nobody stopped him. Leon sat in the place Percy had occupied just a minute ago and went through the photos again. He selected those which showed clearly what was happening in the most gruesome way but didn't show Merlin's face. They would use those in the court. No-one could safe Uther Pendragon from these photos that he ironically had taken himself, he thought.
Percy found Gwaine sitting besides an open window and looking out to the city. He just sat next to his friend and they sat there quietly until Gwaine was ready to return to the world outside of his head
"After I get paid for this, I'll take us all to drink until I forget ever seeing those pictures." He told Percy as they walked back to work. Percy nodded at him knowing full well that Gwaine would never really forget but after this they could all use one killer hangover to make them forget at least for a while.
A/N Back in town and wifi that works! This means that I'll be again updating regularly :) Once every three days as before or occassionaly sooner if I get a lot of comments ;)
One aweome person wrote in their comment how it was a bit weird no-one had recomented Merlin some psychiatric help... Well, I had written Freya to recoment that when Merlin, Arthur and Hunith went to hear the results of Merlin's tests... But for some reason it wasn't there, so I'm not sure what have happened, but maybe I have accidentaly deleted it or maybe I didn't copy-paste it properly? I have no idea, but I'll add it there when I have time because the psychiatrist-thing will be mentioned few times and it will be quite confusing if that piece of that scene is missing... Now, sadly, I have to go to work... I have a lot of that this week :P
I got some very interesting comments for the last chapter, thank you everyone who took the time to review! Really, your feed back is very, very valuable for I'm not a professional write (far from it) so I really do use the feed ack you give me and I enjoy reading it tremendously. Those who have some insight of the professions mentioned in this story (like social service or lawyers), those who tell me what they liked about, those who correct my spelling mistakes or just leave a notice that 'hey! I read this and I liked it', I love you all.
Have a nice weekend, I'll be working, but see you on monday at the latest!
CoolBeans100 Sorry to make you rush ;D It was a long chapter alright... I have been avoiding that long chapters, but I just wanted to make it longer to make the wait up to you all :) I'm also clad about the photos being found, I'm not too sure of how much there are cases out there where the predator could really just amke that kind of evidence dissappear and I quess it's impossible for anyone to really know that, but I'm quite sure that not very easy and I wanted this case be... not typical, but more like something that would most propably happen in real life anyway.
mersan123 Haha, no sorries, I just got your comment and I just had to add that! You have god quesses, I'm always itching to answer you 'Yes! You are so right!' everytime you quess something and this time I kind of could so I let myself do that :) Yeah, many things are and will be better from now on, but even if it's over, these kind of crimes affect their victims for a long time... So in a way this is far from over. Merlin needs to learn how to adapt to this new life around him and he hand Arthur has a long way to go with their relationship. You know, when I wrote the original notes of what Uther's lawyer is doing, I had to take breaks when I had these very disturbed moments. I kind of had to look at everything I had written and try to break the story Merlin had told and twist everything in a way that would make Uther seem innocent. Ugh, seriously it's a horrible thought that this happens. One is not quilty until proven otherwise is a good way of looking at people for I really wouldn't fancy if innocent people got sentanced, but this is the dark side of that. Some crimes are not that easily prooven... Ah, Hunith can divorce Uther any time. Nowadays that is possible after all and she could take Merlin with her, but because Uther is his legal guardian, he could demand right to see him and Hunith could not take Arthur from his father without him getting sentanced. Imagina how that would go... She can of course ask for help from the social service, but they cannot bend the law. They could arrange regular home visits and they could get Merlin some professional help, but if it had been proven in court that Uther was innocent... Of course if Uther did absolutely anything to either one of them... but that would be another story. Let's see what will happen in mine ;) Oh, Gwaine would gladly take you 'five minutes'... it's pity that he isn't that stupid he would not give his DNA sample when the varant came... Yes, a supportive neighbour indeed :) We all could use at least one of those.
Angel Dove1 I'm starting to wish you could draw too! It would be so great to see some of those scenes drawn... But I'm quite sure that this story is not that popular, so chances that someone who could draw and wanted to go through all that work was here... well, I'm not betting on it. I'm so happy that you liked that cuddly scene, I enjoy writing them too (that one was actually a complitely new one...). Your reaction sertainly is interesting! I have thought about it a lot. First of all I want to say that I'm very pleased with your reaction. For throughout this story I have had comment's like 'why is Arthur not getting it/doing something/so thick' etc. I'm happy that i have able to make this all seem that it's not just that Merlin is a poor victim that everybody needs to protect and help to heal, this is affecting everyone who cares for him and they too, need help and taking care of. Right now Merlin is kind of not really there. He's not sure what will happen and that terryfies him making him shut down from the world. That makes him passive and at the moment, he is not there for Arthur. I guess we all want to see a mutual caring and mutual effort from the two of them For healing, but also for their relationship and right now, it's all up to Arthur. Also if we think about how on thin ice Arthur is right now. For us of course it's Merlin and Arthur in a story that sais 'happy ending' in its summary, but Arthur has no quarantee that their love will last, that they will get through this, that they will win the curt... He has no other relatives but his father and Morgana and Morgana doesn't even answer his texts... He has made his decision, he won't live with his father anymore, but if the law binds him there until he is eighteen... How he could see Merlin? What if Hunith becames his guardian, would the society shun them for what appears to be incest? Could Merlin take it? Could he take it? What if Merlin gets worse and he can't help him? I could go on forever... You also said such kind things... I really thought about them to and I'll do my best to give Arthur all that :) I really read your review at least once a day and well, you have always written very interesting reviews, but this one was extremely interesting for me so thank you :) Keep telling me what you think, please! That last chapter turned out to be horribly long, but I'm actually quite clad that it ended with that scene, it was also quite new and I had so much fun writing it, glad that you found it funny too! Ah, I'm so happy that I can keep my Morgana -suspence up. I have been thinking many times stuff like 'isn't this just a little bit boringly obvious setting...?' (maybe because it was like the fourth scene I ever wrote so I'm kind of used to it?) but I guess not by the comment's I have gotten so... have a nice time sitting on that fence, I hope you enjoy her character when she appears :)
superwholockotps :D I think we are all glad of those things. That is what you get of using devices that you really don't understand yourself! Plus it really is so that his company's IT -person has installed everything in Uther's home too so he really had no idea that would happen :D About Gwaine's view in legal system... It's based on Gwaine's opinion on nobels from the series, from the episode where he was first seen. I kind of made that his original opinion, he has coma to soften up a bit during the years, but at the moment he is learning a lot of how the system really has it's places. It's not my opinion on the matter, I have tried to bring here many opinions from Gwaine who doesn't believe the system treats people as eguals to Arthur who's mind it didn't even cross that he could call the police when he had vitnessed his father raping Merlin. I have not exactly focused on the theme so maybe it's not so clear, but I hope I was able to answer your question :)
Hime-Chan1201 Of course I replied to you, it was a pleasure really :) You know actually when I first saw your avatar, I wanted to think for a scene where Merlin in this story would look that happy and relaxed... Maybe you will recognice it when we get there ;) That 'smooch' -scene always makes me grin a bit too, I'm not sure if that I laugh at my own jokes makes me a bit pathetic or a funny person, but I have fun, so I dodn't care :P Nor the less, it feels great that other people find some of my writing funny too :) Oh, so many people are waiting for Morgana that I'm starting to feel a bit pressure if you all will be satisfied when she finaly appears... I think I might have to write some extra scenes for her or something...
Ageha18 I checked Netflix, but it's not there, I quess that it's because I'm living in a different country. Even Netflix is not the same everywhere... Yeah, Arthur still doesn't understand everything, it has been just days and he is seventeen and very much hurt himself, but with time and open communication they will all get there eventually :) As you might have noticed, this fic is mooving extremely slowly at the moment, it has moved like two weeks in seven chapters... but the school will start in two weeks so it's not that far away ;) I'm so happy to hear that you are waiting for so much, I hope you will like all those things when we get there!
Insanereviewer Hello! Hows the pounting going ;D Yeah, we are moving very very slowly at the moment. If I used six chapters from the begining of the summer Merlin was 15 till his 16th birthday, I have already used seven chapters for these last two weeks... So we will have to wait a bit for everything really, but eventually, evetually ;) Glad you liked the merthur scenes! They can prove that Uther had touched the handcuffs by fingerprints and they did find Uther's DNA lying around, but that doesn't prove that he raped Merlin. His story stated that he had tried to help Merlin and that Merlin had scratched him while he was hystreical, so it would be very much possible that he touched the handcuffs then and because he lives in the house, it's natural that his DNA would be found. I have tried to include here everything that really would have been taken into concideration in investigation, so even if I'll cut every scene that in not very interesting, I'll try to remember to mention every detail, the maid too. Lets trust in Gwaine on being thorough :) Glad you liked Iseldir, I kind of wanted to put him and Aredian into the profession of lawyer for they would have been entirely different kind of lawyers. In the show too, Iseldir was the leader of the druids so naturaly he would have been the law of the camps too and Aredian well, he made himself to be the law while getting money out of it. While Iseldir must have been kind, fair and just, well, there are lawyers like Aredian out there too... That Merlin would stand in the court himself would be quite a risk. Uther has manipulated him so long time it would be very possible that Merlin, any victim in his situation would grumble in the pressure and testyfi that he was indeed lying or that it was concencual or anything else along those lines. Victims of abuse, especially underaged have the right not to see the predator even during the court. That's why there are screens and the predator can be even removed from the court room during the time the victim is testifying. The way Iseldir suggested, I found from my country's law. That opotrunity is actually given to those who are under 15 years old, but I made a little changes. I'm sure that there are many variations of how the victims of child abuse have to testify and I'm sure that each country has their own age limits so I took some liberties. Yeah, Arthur is being a sweet, sweet, noble person at the moment isn't he? He would have definitely gone and packed all of Merlin's stuff if he had asked him to, but as we saw in this chapter, the house hit Arthur stronger than Merlin. Merlin is still kind of numb and he hasn't moved to a next chapter of his life like Arthur has, so being in his room was not that horrible for him, it was just a room. He has been there mostly every night alone fearing that Uther would come, but it was also his only safe place for years. There he could be alone without having to pretend to anyone else than himself. Also he couldn't be sure that the police had taken everything he didn't want Arthur ro see, so... Lying is a formed habbit and a self defence mechanism for Merlin and it was the only way for Arthur to have a life for a long tie so breaking that cycle will be both hard and important for them. Glad you have forgiven Hunith :) Well, now she is not a mother who doesn't notice anything anymore, but a devastated mother who tries her very best to be there for his boys without saving herslef. I guess that makes the difference ;) Nightmares will be mentioned, promise! And yep, those photos! As you pointed out, the evidence they had found so far could be explained by the story that the cretin has made up with his lawyer, which is, as you said, discusting. He really doesn't care what he does to Merlin's life as long as he is safe himself and can satisfy his needs. I can tell you that I used a lot of time trying to explain those photos so Uther would come out innocent, but well... There are quite aany things that are quite hard to explain even if he didn't take selfies, one was mentioned in the last chapter btw, tell me if you found it! ;) (Hint: Gwaine got it in the last chapter too) I would love to hear your theory, but unfortunately Mordred has not been mentioned and while I have made some notes of him to my 'epilogue material' i might or might not use, he has no part in this story because I just couldn't fit him anywhere really. He could have been iin arthur's team, but it would have been a waist of a good character. Glad you liked the chapter, I'll look forward to your future reviews too, but no hurry, review when ever you feel like it (if you feel like it more often than I update, you can always review some past chapters *a very disturbingly innocent smile*:P ).
MillaMaxwell12 :) Me too! I have been waiting for this part of the story. You are right, if there is something good here, it's the education and the job that allows Hunith to be intependant and live in the city with Merlin who really needed to get into the wider world. It was kind of the reason Hunith decided to marry Uther in the first place, she wasn't in love, but she thought he was a good man and she knew that she could never affort to move into a bigger city with Merlin for she had no education. Had Balinor lived longer, Hunith would have gone to school and she would have an decint income, but well, at least there is one good thing in this all. Great that you enjoyed the cuddling and the Percy and Gwaine moment :) There will be many reactions still coming, I hope you will enjoy them all!
thejammysod Tired? Not at all, it's always so nice to hear, it means I have been able to write in a likeable way :) Also I would hope that anyone would think that children and underaged in similar situations needed to be protected, so it's really nice to hear when people tell me that. For some reason to me it has always been very romantic to share a bed, and so comfortable when I'm in love so I kind of write a lot of sleeping... Great that it's not boring :D The part with the techie guy I wrote just few days ago, so I kind of enjoy it too... Great that it has been found funny, now I can start to think that I have a sense of humour after all ;) I kind of started it with thinking of how come Uther didn't know a) how the cloud really works from his phone and b) how come it did take so long to find those photos and I ended up with a picture of highly annoyed and bored out of his mind nerd who goes through files after files in some dark corner thinking like 'great, it's four o'clock in the morning and I'm going throught some office memos trying to find child pronography... I wonder what normal people do for their living...' Great that you liked Isledir and Aredian too, I kind of wanted to see them against eachothers :P Lying is really not a good thing in relationship and even if Arthur is thik, now that he knows the truth, it's quite obvious that Merlin had lied on daily basis and left things unsaid so... and he is deeply hurt that Merlin did not ask for help too. Also for Merlin to heal I think it's very essential that he stops lying and get's more open with his feelings. Reactions are comming... I promise that much :) Jordan's reaction, wow, I never thought I had done such a good job with the team mates, so nice to hear that! I dodn't want to give anything away, but I haven't actually written his reaction yet. I have a scetch, but at some point I'm going to ask from my readers if they are interested in that one... Let's get back to that when we get that far :)
Kao Oh this is so interesting! I might have mentioned in few ocasions that this legal stuff is not my field. While child psychology is not either, it was quite close and I had quite a throughout reading on the studies of the subject and I also had a friend I could ask questions and such, but this legal thing... I have used what I already knew and what internet search could tell me... It's so interesting that you are studing to be a paralegal, you must know so much more than I do! Please feel free to correct me and tell me about things you feel are important! Now, to your review. I'll go in order. Hunith. Most of even that chapter was not in her point of view so I know that everything wasn't that clear, but that is actually on purpose. Merlin can't see inside of his mother's head so I didn't want to make it appear that he did after all this time growing distant. Hunith tried her best to make Merlin feel that she really was ok with them dating. She talked long time with Finna and Tilly and even if they couldn't tell her that piece of information before hand, they advised her to do her best on showing Merlin that she didn't think it was he was at fault here. She did break down at first, but she made a conscious desision to act happy in order not to make Merlin feel that she was just saying that she was ok with them. That is also why she always takes a silent moment before she reacts to new stuff Merlin says, like when he told he was not a vegetarian. She want's to think it through what she wan't Merlin to hear from her. I hope this explains a bit. But I have to admit that she is not my strong point in this, I have concentrated far too much on Merlin and Arthur so it would take me a lot of time to adjust myself on thinking Hunith, and a lot of space to write all that she is feeling, so I have decided to let her be as she is. I'm glad that you liked the developement Arthur and Merlin have :) About the psychiatrist... I went like '...?' when I read that because Freya did recoment them a professional help, but then I went to check that and it's not there... i had a whole pharagraph about it and now it's not where it's supposed to be! I must have deleted it by accident or something. It was supposed to be when they all visited Freya to get Merlin's test results. I might have to add that there because then a whole lot of other scenes make no sense... Thank you so much for pointing that out! Then about money... I'm not sure how it works in Canada, but here when you get married, you can make (this is a Google translated word) a marriage settlement. Uther is a whealty man with a business sense and Hunith had no fortune at all, so I thought it would make sense that Uther would have wanted to avoid of being used (he likes control, so he wouldnt want to lose control of his money either) so they had made this legal document that in case of a divorce, they both will only get what they own, nothing from the other. At least here we have that (I have that) and it doesn't matter what the cause of the divorce is. So Hunith will not get anything when they divorce so she is worried. She doesn't want to force the boys to move into a small village where living is cheaper or something like that and she wants to give them an education and stuff like that for it was her own major problem in life that she never got a chance to get an education. That was why she was stuck in that village in the first place. Had Merlin's father lived, she would have had that, but well... And then to the my husband raped my son and I want to take him and his son with me so we will all be safe. Should work right? But, at least what I have gathered, if Uther is found not quilty in court, that reason is not very usable. Of cource if Hunith's believe stays firmly behind Merlin (which they btw would), of cource she could keep in thouch with the social cervise and she could file for divorce and all that and the moment Uther did anything at all after that... to any of them. But, Arthur is a different story. Of cource if Uther did do something more it would be different story, but hey, maybe you could tell me more about how it really works, but I have lived believing that getting one's ex-spouce's child's full custody with no visiting rights when the other has been found not quilty is next to impossible. Is there a way that it could be done? (but even if there is, I'm going to say that Hunith is not an expert either, so at least she's so worried because of this is all she knows too :P ) Ah, Gwaine is a bit sterotypical in his views of the whole system, I wanted to make it so because I'm quite sure many share those kind of feelings towards police, social service and law in general. I want to remind them that it's not that black and white and that even if the system fails at times, there are a lot of people who try their best every day so it wouldn't happen. Lance will be mentioned, actually Arthur did tell about that in his interview, we just didn't see that. We will get back to that later ;) I'm so happy to hear that you have been able to enjoy my story even if it's not entirely accurant in places, hope to hear from you again! Best of luck with your studies!