It was friday. Two days ago Arthur had made one of the biggest decisions of his life up till now and now he was waiting. Most of it didn't sound like much in his own mind, he was just going to stand in front of some people and tell what he had seen. His father would be there of course and he was the one person who would be the most important. The rest didn't matter much. Hunith of course mattered, but she already knew what he thought so it wasn't an issue here. Merlin mattered, but he wasn't going to be there. That much was clear.
Merlin was going to Gaius'. Hunith had called Gaius with the first open time slot she had gotten and it turned out she and Gaius got along very well. Hunith had also visited Gaius just yesterday and after that she had asked if Merlin would like to go there when they left. Gaius had suggested it and to Hunith it sounded more than a good idea. She had originally thought Merlin and Arthur would be alright at home and she had suggested on calling for example Gwen and Elyan over for some company, but now that Arthur wouldn't be there, Merlin had said that he would rather be alone and that had worried Hunith. She had understood from where Merlin was coming from though. Even if he had made the effort to call Gwen twice in the last few days, she could see how it was taxing and uncomfortable for her son. To her delight, after giving it a thought, Merlin had agreed to go to Gaius.
That had erased some of Arthur's anxiety. If he could trust that Merlin was safe, which he would be with Gaius, Arthur could concentrate on himself for now. He knew it would do good to Merlin to face the old man and the longer Merlin dragged it, the more he had time to think of what ifs that had no basis in any way. Facing Gaius would give him comfort and hopefully some sureness that he really did have people who didn't hate or judge him around. Arthur hoped that after the trial was over Merlin would also find some closure even if he wasn't going. Arthur could imagine what were Merlin's reasons and to be fair he would not want his father as much as to be able to see Merlin, but deep inside he was a bit hurt.
These two days Arthur had thought his life until now more than he had ever before. While Merlin had been almost hysterically active asking Hunith to give him some clothes to fold, potatoes to peel or socks to iron (yes, Arthur had seen Merlin ironing and the next thing he knew, there were piles of ironed socks in their closet), Arthur himself had mostly just sat still in various parts of the house and calmly thought mostly everything he could remember of his father. It was weird, being so calm of thinking moments that had been the world to him when he had been younger and now… every positive feeling he had associated with those memories were tainted. With most recent memories, he found himself easily grow angry, but before the anger could even truly form, it more often than not collapsed into desperation. When that happened, Arthur usually stood up and paced around until he found Merlin and then he would sit on the nearest furniture from Merlin and continue his thinking. He knew he couldn't get angry in the court, it would serve no-one and the least himself. He would have to stay calm in order of not slipping to vengeance and that was why he continued thinking.
It was only when Hunith came back from a supermarket and asked if Merlin was home already that Arthur realised that at some point of time, they had both left.
It was when Merlin had minced everything his mother had placed in front of him for tonight's stew, and he was seriously considering on mincing his own fingers next just to have something to do with the extra energy that was circling inside of him with no direction, that he decided to go out. He told his mother that he would take a walk. Hunith told him to take his phone with him and asked him to come home in an hour or so or call if he would be late. Merlin almost listened.
His nerves had been a wreck for these past two days. His perfectly nice morning had been ruined when Arthur had told him that he would attend the trial. Merlin had assumed Arthur would not go and so Arthur's declaration had taken him by surprise. Merlin didn't like surprises.
The court would be tomorrow. Arthur would have to be there at eleven o'clock, an hour before the trial would start and Hunith would go with him. Arthur would talk with Iseldir and then he would stand as a witness. He would sit through the hearing and he would see everything. All the evidence, all that Merlin had said, all those pictures and Uther…He would have to face his father in a trial. To Merlin that just seemed wrong and horrible in a way he had no words to describe. He himself couldn't go. He had tried his hardest to say that he would come too. To seem brave and to be there for Arthur, but most of all so he wouldn't have to see Arthur and his mother leave him behind. But his fear had been too much. Whenever Merlin had even thought of saying he would go aloud, his stomach had turned in a way that he knew if he opened his mouth, his lunch would come out instead of words. The fear that no longer had real direction had turned every form it got towards tomorrow.
So here he was. Running away physically when he couldn't mentally. It helped some, to get away from the people he cared the most. He didn't have to pretend to be anything when they weren't around and even if he had tried to occupy himself with chores, they had helped just for a while. Getting out was far better.
The park was nice. Merlin could tell he liked it even if he didn't feel it at the moment. He wondered if he would start feeling things like that again after the court or maybe in some distant future? He tried to remember for a while that there actually was future, but succeeding on stressing about school starting was not so much better either so he soon just tried to concentrate on walking again. He tried running a bit, but it felt silly. He strolled to the football field Arthur had found last week and briefly thought of calling Arthur to come out too, for all the discomfort he was feeling didn't distract him from worrying about Arthur, but he dismissed the thought. He knew Arthur was not in the mood and he didn't really feel like playing either. He thought of going to see Gwaine, but he knew the shop was still closed and wouldn't open in hours.
At some point he just picked a random direction and walked as straight as possible far enough to find some areas he had never visited before. It felt a bit liberating. His feet could take him away from home, away from school and if he just continued walking, even from this city. He wasn't trapped here and that thought made him able to turn around and to head back to the direction of his home. His home he choose to live in. His home that was actually the best of all homes.
He must have made a wrong turn at some point because when Merlin reached the park, he found a fence and some bushes in front of him. Looking around he saw the gate he had exited before about hundred meters to his right. The fence was not so high and Merlin felt lazy, so he just climbed over it and stumbled through the bushes. It wouldn't have been elegant in any way, but of course the hood of Merlin's college caught in some of the branches and when Merlin felt the tug from behind his neck, he spun around so fast that he almost fell when the branch didn't give and he crashed back into the bush.
"Oh my! Let me help you!" Merlin heard from behind him and he was just about to make his breathing work again and yell at the voice not to touch him when one slender hand freed his hood with one neat movement. Merlin spun around as fast as he could while holding himself up with some of the branches and automatically leaning further away from the touch.
He came to face a tall but slender woman in running clothes. She had sun kissed, slightly wavy blond hair on a ponytail and smiling blue eyes. She was looking a bit amused and Merlin became aware of the fact that he was leaning on a bush. It was a bit funny in a surreal way and even the fear inside Merlin opened its mouth, waited a second, shrugged and decided to just go and curl into some deeper part of Merlin's thoughts. "Umm… thanks." He managed to say and the woman, who looked a bit familiar now that Merlin was thinking more coherently.
"Oh it was nothing, Merlin isn't it? Hunith's son?" She said cheerfully and something clicked in Merlin's disoriented brain. Susan, this woman's name was Susan and she lived next door. "Mm, yes, Susan wasn't it?" He asked trying to be polite and edge out of the bush at the same time without getting too close to Susan. Even if she did seem nice, Merlin felt he needed at least twice the space he now had for himself.
"You remembered! I was just heading back home, will I have you for company?" Susan asked and while Merlin hadn't planned on returning home just yet, he nodded. He briefly wondered if he had been gone for an hour already, but he soon forgot the time when Susan started to talk to him. It turned out she was chatty and full of energy in a way Merlin felt he had needed around him. Now that he thought about it like that, everyone around him had been tired, sad, worried… anything but full of energy lately. Even Gwaine was tired underneath it all.
Susan asked if he had settled in and if he was waiting for the school to start, if he had any hobbies or if he had some plans for the future. Merlin had known his mother hadn't shared details of what had caused her divorce nor what had happened to Merlin and that was something Merlin was very, very grateful of. Talking with Susan felt light and welcome because of that. He could act like a normal teenager for once and it felt great.
When they reached the edge of the park, Merlin almost asked if Susan wanted to go for another walk with him right now instead of going home, but Susan made a comment on how she needed to feed her youngest daughter. She was supposed to come home from football practices in any minute. Merlin felt oddly disappointed at that and maybe Susan noticed this because she asked "Would you like to come in for a moment? I don't have much to offer but I could bake some muffins..." Merlin didn't even think before he had already replied that he would love to and offered to help with baking.
Susan's home was bigger than theirs, that Merlin could tell at once. He vaguely remembered that Susan had three daughters and a husband so it made sense. As nice as his and Arthur's room was, packing three girls in a room like that sounded a catastrophe in Merlin's opinion. The house also had an open kitchen and bigger garden which made sense for the house that was built for two families wasn't cut from the middle like Merlin had just assumed but more like one third and two thirds.
"Make yourself at home!" Susan told him cheerfully while she started to take some ingredients out and a bowl and a kettle and stuff like that. "I really can help…" Merlin offered again for he felt a bit rude to just sit around and doing nothing. Doing nothing didn't feel too appealing at the moment anyway. Susan kept smiling at him approvingly and told him what he could do in a very simple way, maybe even a tad too simple, but Merlin guessed it was because Susan's daughters were quite a lot younger than he was. What he remembered was that at some point of time they had been four, six and nine.
Baking was nice. Merlin had baked with his mother a long time ago and whisking eggs took him back to much simpler times. Much like what he had tried to do at home, but with Susan's easy presence on the other side of the kitchen counter and a radio as a background noise, the restless energy inside of Merlin started to settle down.
The recipe was very easy and together they managed to get the muffins to oven just when the doorbell rang. When Susan went to open the door, one about six years old girl with her mother's hair and big brown eyes ran inside wearing grassy and muddy football gear while waving to someone. "Thanks again Aileen! Until next week!" Susan yelled cheerfully to someone and Merlin could hear a car start so he deducted that someone had given this… muddy ball of free energy a lift.
"Are those muffins? Those are muffins aren't they? Who are you? Mom! How is this?" She was in front of the oven in seconds and when she turned to Merlin, he wasn't sure if he should try to run away from her or pat her head.
"Aida! Manners! And the shoes… please, the shoes!" Susan gave her a look and the electric bouncy ball, Aida? gave her a sheepish grin and took her shoes off. "My name is Aida, what is yours?" She then asked from Merlin not losing any of her hype, holding her shoes in her hands. "I'm Merlin..." Merlin said feeling a bit awkward. When was it again he had communicated with children this young? Back in the village maybe? Aida nodded at that approvingly and asked "Do you want a muffin Merlin?"
"Go change your clothes and after you have eaten a sandwich you can eat a muffin with Merlin." Susan said looking like she knew very well what Aida was after. "I'll eat ten sandwiches if I can have ten muffins!" Aida declared before running off to what Merlin guessed her room. Susan just shook her head looking a bit amused. "I hope you don't mind that, she loves everything new and after she has been out for two hours she always has this much energy, she will tire as soon as she stops to eat though."
"I don't mind…" Merlin managed to say even if he hoped that Aida wouldn't come out too soon. And just then his phone rang. It was his mother who wanted to know where Merlin was. "I'm at Susan's, we met in the park…" he told her while glancing a clock. He should have called more than half an hour ago he just then remembered and cursed his inability to focus at the moment. Hunith asked if she could talk with Susan and Merlin dropped the phone to her hand while trying to understand how he had managed to forget to call, he had even remembered the time limit earlier, in the park…
What Merlin bothered to listen of the one-sided conversation was basically that it was no trouble at all that Merlin was there and that she would sent Merlin home for dinner at the latest.
While she was still on the phone, Aida had reappeared and was currently climbing to sit to a high chair next to the counter. Merlin felt a need to help, but he didn't dare to touch a child and suddenly he felt himself as dirty as even. It almost felt like he had also poisoned the muffins with touching the ingredients and he wasn't sure if he could let anyone eat them.
"I like ponies, do you like ponies Merlin?" Aida asked as if it was the most important thing to establish here. "Umm, I used to live in countryside and one of my classmates had a pony. I think he was nice. He liked dry bread a lot." Merlin answered not sure if that was good enough, but Aida's eyes lit "Wow! A real pony! What colour was he?"
"Brown…" It felt unnerving to be asked this much question, but Merlin tried to concentrate on the fact that the questions were about a pony who he had seen over two years ago and asked by a child who had now edged as close to Merlin as she could while still sitting on her chair. Merlin edged a bit further away from her.
"Did you ever ride it?" was the next question. "No… I was already too heavy for him." Aida looked like this was totally new information to her, but soon she sighed dreamily "I want to ride a pony…"
Merlin almost wished he had a pony in his backyard so he could offer a ride for this girl who was as chatty as her mother. "I'm sure you will someday." He said, but it seemed Aida's sense of future didn't reach to 'someday' so she changed the subject "Guess what is my favourite colour?"
"Umm, pink?" Merlin tried. He found a very distant memory of the times a favourite colour had been a thing. Did he have a favourite colour now? He hadn't thought anything like that in a long time, but now that he was, he remembered that he liked colours. "No! Everyone guesses pink! My favourite colour is green!" Aida sounded like she was trying to sound insulted but failing horribly and looking a bit proud of herself instead. Merlin had to chuckle at that. "Mine too." he said without thinking feeling that it was true. He did like green. "…and purple and blue too." He still continued for he couldn't say either of those were better.
Aida nodded at him approvingly and very seriously. "My favourite number three is purple, but I don't like blue." she continued on the subject and Merlin started to relax. "Why not? Your mother has blue eyes… and the sky is very pretty when it's blue." he teased and Aida seemed to think. "Alright, but if it's your favourite colour, it doesn't have to be mine." she finally decided. Merlin had to laugh at this logic.
"Alright Aida, time to eat, the muffins are almost ready, do you want some juice Merlin?" Susan said placing a sandwich in front of Aida and Merlin realised his phone was next to his arm on the counter. Susan must have ended the call awhile ago. He really couldn't concentrate but one thing at a time…
"I want juice!" Aida piped in before Merlin decided if it was rude to say yes or more rude to say no. Susan again gave Aida a look and Aida looked a bit shy before saying "…please?" Susan smiled at her a bit with humour "it's already in front of you." and Aida turned to see to her left and took a glass full of orange juice "Oops" she grinned before taking a mighty gulp. "If it's no trouble…" Merlin answered because Susan was still holding a carton of orange juice in her hand. "Of course not, dear! Would you like to take few muffins with you?" She said and soon Merlin was sipping his juice and thinking if he should offer to help Susan who was taking the muffins out, packing them into a container and pacing two of them in plates and in front of him and Aida. Doing nothing made Merlin very restless very quickly at the moment and even if the muffin tasted good, it felt somehow too much. Like he didn't deserve it.
When Aida had eaten she did indeed grow tired, but that didn't prevent her from shoving Merlin all her ponies. Merlin tried to stay as far as possible from the girl while still sitting with her on the floor, but it was extremely hard, for Aida seemed like she would have sat on his lap if Merlin hadn't kept hugging his knees to prevent just that. He kept glancing at Susan for he felt like he was betraying her trust. What if she wouldn't want him near her child if she knew what he was? It was a depressing thought.
"We don't have to play with ponies if you don't want to…" Aida told him at some point and Merlin realised he had looked like he felt. Children really were capable of noticing things like that… "No, it's alright, but I'm not just too good at playing with ponies…" he tried not to hurt this little girl's feelings. "What do you want to do then? Can you play football?" She asked. "A little, but Arthur is far better than I am." He answered without thinking and kicked himself mentally immediately. "Arthur? Who's Arthur?"Aida asked and Merlin felt cold sweat run down his back. What could he answer to that?
"Arthur lives in our neighbour, with Merlin and Hunith. You remember that Merlin is Hunith's son right?" Susan came to the rescue and Aida looked at Merlin with new eyes. "You are Hunith's son? I like Hunith!" Aida was immediately distracted. They spend a while with Aida telling what she had done with Hunith when she had babysat her and Merlin told if he had done the same things when he had been at Aida's age. It was… nice.
In the middle of Aida shoving Merlin some of the pictures she had drawn with Hunith and some others as well, the doorbell rang again and when Susan went to answer, it was Arthur telling that he had come to get Merlin because the food was ready. Aida was at the door in a flash of blond hair. "You are Arthur? You can play football?" she asked and Merlin could just laugh. Arthur looked like an owl and it took comically long for him to answer "…yes."
After that Aida was all questions and in the midst of that Susan returned to the kitchen and handed Merlin a container full of muffins. It seemed far too many for Merlin who felt that he had just whisked some eggs, but Susan was having none of it.
"You kept my child company and she really enjoyed spending time with you, so this is just a small thank you for that. Come by whenever you like." Susan told him and Merlin had to smile at her. This really had been nice, but one glance at Arthur and he was happy to go home to eat. It had been quite taxing to pay his full attention to a child like Aida. "And give some of the muffins to Arthur, my husband is crazy of them." Susan continued and smiled warmly causing Merlin to blush. He was sure Susan hadn't meant it how it had sounded and he just coughed awkwardly and thanked her again hoping he hadn't sounded awkward or ungrateful.
Arthur was just telling Aida how he was the captain of his team while Aida looked like she had met a God when Merlin walked past Arthur and placed a muffin on his hand. "A muffin?" Arthur asked confused. "Yes, a muffin." Merlin just answered. "A muffin Merlin, a muffin!" Arthur felt too confused to give up and Merlin rolled his eyes "I think we got that established… See you Aida!" He turned to say the rest to Aida and he waved at her smiling. He expected Aida just to wave back, but instead she run past Arthur and leaped to hug his waist. "I like you Merlin, come visit soon!" She told him and before Susan had a chance to say anything about her not having shoes on, she leaped back inside and waved from the doorway.
Merlin felt stiff like a board but he managed to flash the girl a smile and wave at Susan too before taking those few steps he needed to get home before he started to shake. Arthur was right behind him still holding the muffin in his hand. "You alright?" He asked when the door had closed behind them and Merlin nodded. He was, it was just that he didn't want to corrupt any child, much less Aida and in a momentary weakness he said it out loud.
Arthur was at loss at what to say to that, some of the first things he had made clear to himself when he had realised he liked Merlin had been that he was not dangerous to children nor would he 'corrupt' them even if he had heard his father say stuff like that many times. To his luck Hunith had heard that too and she was soon next to Merlin who was now leaning to the doorframe and had covered his face with the hand that wasn't holding a container of muffins.
"Merlin, love, you are not corrupting anyone. There is nothing wrong with you and there is nothing wrong with being homosexual." She said firmly with a kind tone and gently removed Merlin's hand from his face. Merlin flinched at the word 'homosexual', he still wasn't used to it being used like this and his mother's words didn't help him. "But she doesn't know I'm… I just- I didn't try to…" he didn't want to cry, but it just happened too easily nowadays.
"Merlin, look at me." Hunith said and Merlin tried to calm his breathing down. "Aida is a six years old child. She doesn't care either way and what comes to Susan, she knows that Arthur lives here with you, as your boyfriend." This took even Arthur by surprise. Merlin's tears stopped immediately and he blinked the last of them from his eyes in utter shock. "You told her that-" He started and Hunith placed her hands on his and on Arthur's shoulders. "Of course. We are now neighbours and she is my friend. I couldn't possibly tell her that Arthur is your brother now could I?"
Merlin had to admit that it made sense. He was glad that he was still leaning on the doorframe for he needed the support. What Susan had said now made a lot more sense and it clicked in Merlin's brain how nice and kind and normal Susan had been even if she knew… and she had let him play with her child and invited him to visit again… It felt first surreal and then just very, very good.
Merlin glanced at Arthur and he was trying very hard not to look as surprised as Merlin, but he couldn't hide how pleased he was and Merlin understood. They were openly a couple in this neighbourhood and even if they only knew Susan, Gaius and Gwaine really, it was official and not something to be hidden inside these walls even if Merlin wasn't ready to be intimate even outside of their room yet. "Can I go some other day too?" Merlin asked shyly and Hunith knew she had done the right thing by telling her friend. "Of course, just remember to call me next time." She said with a smile.
Most of their dinner Merlin kept smiling a small smile just to himself and Arthur managed to stay in the present. As Susan had predicted, Arthur liked the muffins very much and Merlin found his chance to comment on how Arthur would get fat at this rate when Arthur reached for the fourth one. For that Arthur took one more and insisted on feeding half of it to Merlin who protested loudly until Arthur sat on his lap and threatened not to let Merlin go until he had eaten the half. Hunith tried her hardest not to laugh at the scene too much. She was sure it wasn't that funny, but she was quite disoriented herself and she was not above a little bit of hysteria. When the night would come, she knew she would cry herself to sleep just for the stress she had been hiding from her boys.
When the night started to grow dark however, Arthur grew silent again and Hunith arranged (again) the clothes she would wear tomorrow and she decided to iron them (again). Merlin looked at them both and this house and thought of how nice neighbours they had and all in all took a good look at his new life. He could honestly say that it was more than he deserved. He was scared and loathed the thought that it could change even the slightest tomorrow.
After pacing around the house for a while, Merlin found a similar corner to the one he had sat in Uther's house from their closet. First it felt weird sitting again in a closet, but soon he found comfort from the narrow (much more narrow than in his old closet) and dark space. If only he had some beer… Merlin made a quick decision. He rose up, took a jacket and told his mother that he would take a walk.
He found Gwaine just opening his shop. He was a bit late today and Merlin was happy to find the store empty even though Gwaine grumbled good naturedly how his business was dying. Merlin talked a little while with Gwaine about the trial and that immediately caught Gwaine's attention. "We have been working like crazy, I tell you. I'm actually going back today just in case. We have the evidence and speeches down to a dot and there is no way that Mr. Adder can do anything." Gwaine grinned and after that he told how the official complaint Aredian had made of him would also come back by tomorrow evening. He could hardly wait. "Technically I had been working for a bit over one week before I got my first official complaint. That must be some kind of a record!"
While listening Gwaine talk was nice as always, the anxiousness Merlin felt was greater and so he stuck with his first plan. "Can I have some beer?" Merlin asked when Gwaine had finished his story. Gwaine would have told some other stories he had been storing for Merlin, but now he looked at Merlin and saw his stress.
"No, not tonight." He finally answered. Merlin was taken aback by this. He felt a bit betrayed and angry. Gwaine had never said no before… "It's better if you just trust me and let me handle everything. I promise that once this is over and that Cretin is in jail, I'll have a party and then you can drink as much as you want. To celebrate." Gwaine continued with a serious, but weirdly gentle tone.
This made the anger Merlin had felt evaporate and soon he felt a bit embarrassed. Gwaine was right of course. It was not a good idea to try to drink his worry away. It would just create problems later. But to celebrate… that had a nice sound on it. Merlin was still afraid and the thought of Uther made him sick in the stomach, but he finally set his sights to tomorrow evening. He could handle that. He could trust Gwaine.
That night Merlin didn't sleep much. He was too nervous for that and even Arthur's presence started to feel suffocating at some point. Still he stayed put, lying beside Arthur, on his side and concentrating on breathing steadily. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning when Merlin rose up and he felt his stomach turn.
'Not here…' he thought and moved as quickly and fast to the bathroom downstairs as he could and threw up. He hoped he hadn't woken Arthur or his mother up while he waited for the second wave of nausea, but it never really came. 'At least only once' he thought. It was rare, but then again, it was not like something had happened, not even in a dream.
Merlin rinsed his mouth and was about to head back upstairs when he saw Arthur in the kitchen doorway, holding two glasses of juice in his hands. 'Of course…' Merlin thought sarcastically. In a very bizarre way he missed the ridiculous soundproof of Uther's house, but he still moved to take a glass from Arthur's hand. He expected Arthur to say something but when he just nodded and moved back to the kitchen, Merlin was thankful for that.
Merlin followed Arthur who was sipping juice from his glass and sat on the opposite side from him. They were silent for a long time. Merlin had trouble drinking the juice. It felt foreign in his empty stomach and it was too cold, but he kept drinking in small sips. Arthur had finished his juice a long time ago but he still sat with Merlin quietly. Merlin appreciated this. He really wasn't in a mood to talk, but he didn't want to be alone either.
After a while Merlin started to feel cold. His pyjama wasn't the most warm against the night air. He shivered slightly with his next sip of cold juice. He glanced at Arthur who was staring out of the window. He had no shirt on and Merlin wondered how he could stay so warm. 'If I asked, would he hug me to make me feel warmer?' He thought, but he didn't dare.
"Have I been an utter fool?" Arthur broke the silence and Merlin almost swallowed his whole glass. "I mean I could have just stayed here with you and the trial would have been over without me. What if I make things worse by saying something stupid or what if I can't do it at all?" he continued, but kept his eyes on the window not really seeing anything.
Merlin placed his glass on the table and took his time to look at Arthur. would this be his chance to tell Arthur not to go? To go with him to visit Gaius? No… Arthur had the right to see whatever happened there and he had the right to decided after that if Merlin was worth his time at all, but above that all, Merlin had seen how serious Arthur had been with his decision. How much he had given thought to it and he knew, that Arthur was doing the right thing. Many would not be able to know what was the right thing yet alone to follow it through, but Arthur would do just that without hesitation. Or at least not more than what he now showed to Merlin.
It felt like a huge responsibility had fallen on him, but at the same time Merlin felt privileged and important. He had just one thing he could say. "You made the right choice." His voice was quiet, but in the empty kitchen it sounded clear and sure.
Arthur finally turned to look at him in the eyes and his eyes were full of doubt and worry, his forehead wrinkled in a way that made Merlin want to soothe every line of worry down with his thumbs. He wished so much that he could be someone reliable, someone Arthur could lean on when he felt like this, for he shouldered so much responsibility all the time. That was his nature after all.
"How can you be so sure?" Arthur asked not sounding convinced at all, but Merlin was. "Because I know you." For once he felt sure and not anything could pierce that thought. Momentarily he was not afraid, not anxious, not thinking of tomorrow. All that mattered were the feelings he could see circling around in Arthur's eyes.
"Then why have you been fretting these two days?" Arthur asked and Merlin could see the hurt in Arthur's eyes and hear slight accusation in his tone. He sighed not letting their eye contact break. There were so many things and so many feelings he let open on display in his eyes and hoped Arthur would understand. "Because even right choices have consequences and I'm not ready for them." He said honestly.
Arthur kept looking at his eyes and he understood. The hurt he had been feeling was replaced by the knowledge that Merlin had never doubt him, but himself. It was such a sad knowledge, but now Arthur felt strong again. He would protect Merlin, now he felt he could do it. He would be there and whatever Merlin was afraid of would happen, Arthur would show him that there was nothing to be afraid of.
"Thank you, Merlin." He said softly and Merlin could see that he had found an answer. What it was, that Merlin would have to wait to find out, but it didn't matter. Arthur had found his ground again and that was when he could shine. Nothing could make him waver now and Merlin felt proud of the boy, no, the man he loved.
He gave Arthur half a smile and drank the rest of his juice. The cold liquid travelling down his throat reminded him of the coldness that had long time ago reached his bones and he felt anxious tiredness that wouldn't let him sleep take over.
He stood up and Arthur did the same. He took both of their glasses and took them to the sink and then took a light hold of Merlin's hand and started to lead him back upstairs. Arthur's hand was warm against Merlin's ice cold fingers. It felt real and just so Arthur. Merlin was again reminded of how he used to imagine a golden light inside of him and it felt like Arthur's warmth was just that. The life he had lacked back in Uther's house.
In their room, Arthur guided Merlin to their bed gently by the hand he was holding and pulled his blanket on top of Merlin. The blanket should have made Merlin feel warmer, but somehow he just felt like all of his coldness was now trapped inside his blanket. When Arthur lied next to him, he finally found his voice.
"I'm cold…" His voice was quiet and he wasn't sure if Arthur would want his cold limbs anywhere near him, but Arthur opened his blanket and moved it to cover Merlin too. Merlin was now under double blanket and Arthur was laying right next to him, but there was still a blanket in between them and Merlin wanted more of the heat that radiated from Arthur. He squirmed a bit to get his upper body out of his own blanket to be in the same space with Arthur's hoping he wouldn't get annoyed.
Arthur followed Merlin's movements closely and when he was sure that Merlin wasn't trying to get away from him but closer, he wrapped his arm around Merlin's shoulders.
"Jesus! You are freezing!" He blurted out the moment he felt Merlin's fingers against his bare chest. Merlin made a move like he wanted to get back and Arthur realised that Merlin had thought that he didn't want to feel his cold limbs. "Turn around…" He told Merlin softly and Merlin hesitantly did so. It felt a bit unnerving having Arthur so close behind his back but the blanket covering him from waist down made it tolerable.
Arthur rose Merlin's head enough to slip his arm under his pillow and then he pulled Merlin against his chest. Even Merlin's back was cold and Arthur felt him relax to the warmth immediately. Arthur followed the line of Merlin's arm to find his hands and he found them pulled against Merlin's chest. Arthur took a hold of Merlin's hand and slid his fingers in between Merlin's. He wished he had realised Merlin was cold sooner.
Merlin felt good. This position was turning out to be very comfortable and Arthur was so gentle… He kind of wanted to try this without the blanket at all in between them, but he was a too conscious of his bottom and how it had been used. That thought made Merlin's mood get darker again, but he didn't say anything.
"You feel nice… your hair smells nice." Arthur murmured to Merlin's neck and Merlin felt a warm rush traveling from his neck to his spine. Arthur was the one who was nice… Merlin never wanted to let him go… of all the things he had, he felt he couldn't bare to lose this. He was again worried about tomorrow. It was almost morning and the room was getting a bit lighter. The sun was already rising.
"Whatever happens today out there, please don't think any differently of me." The words were out of Merlin's mouth before he had a chance to think them over. He wished so much that after today Arthur would still be with him.
Arthur, if he was surprised, it didn't sound in his voice. "I won't. It's alright to be scared." Merlin wasn't satisfied with his reply. "That's not what I meant." He said sounding a bit grumpy. "Then what is it?" When Merlin didn't reply Arthur became a bit frustrated. "If you have something to say, now is the time to say it." He was frustrated because he was worried. He didn't know what Merlin was after so all the worst case scenarios kept popping in his head with alarming pace.
"I just don't know what he is going to say…" Merlin mumbled and Arthur relaxed. He held Merlin tighter. "I promise you that whatever that man says about you, it doesn't matter. I'll believe you over him anytime." Merlin trembled a little and Arthur loosened his hug automatically but then he heard a small sniff. "Shh, love, it's alright." He said softly and tried to softly turn Merlin's head so he would look at him but Merlin just shook his head. He didn't believe him and Arthur realised he couldn't believe him. Merlin needed to see his face and hear his voice when he came back from the court. He had seen the world through Uther's eyes far too long and it was too much to try and see the world how he had wished so much it would be. It was Arthur's job to make him trust that what they had both wished could actually be theirs.
"Merlin… I'm not going there to see what they have dug out. I'm going there to stand on our side and to defend you and… myself. This, what we have here, is worth fighting for." He tried to explain gently feeling more and more what Merlin had said. He was finding himself truly calm now. He relaxed against now much warmer Merlin. The tiredness was catching up on him and sleeping for few hours didn't seem like a bad idea at all.
Merlin also relaxed and after a while, he felt Arthur's hands go limp and he knew Arthur was falling asleep. Merlin smiled a little and snuggled as close to Arthur's chest as possible. He couldn't sleep but he felt better and calm enough feeling Arthur's slow breathing against his back until Hunith came to knock their door softly. It was time to face the day without Arthur by his side.
A/N A bit lighter chapter in between :) I might have been slipping a bit but the next chapter has been a lot more work that I had originaly thought. I wish to get it out on monday, but if not, then on tuesday. After that I should be able to stick with every three days schedule and I hope to get this story finnished before my fisrt exams gang up to kill my free time ;)
Again, my most sincere thank you for you who wrote me reviews, I seriously get so much new ideas and new motivation from them! Also thank you for mersan123 for being my inspiration for Susan! She was great fun to write :)
P.s Sorry Guest, who reviewed the chapter before the last one, I might have told you that Gaius would be in this chapter, but I decided to cut the chapter here... He will be in the next one, promise!
Angel Dove1 Yes! I'm so hyped that you liked that joke! I have a sense of humour, yay! Why not brother? Indeed a good guestion. This is a really small detail that is not explained anywhere, but Merlin doesn't like to be called a girl. Gwaine knows this and used the word 'sister' to annoy him, but at this point Merlin actually can take it from Gwaine. Even with Arthur he gets annoyed if he says something like 'don't be such a girl Merlin'. That's about that. I might want to add that one somewhere... I'm bad with names. I have always been, so it makes me extra happy if I manage to name someone for once, thank you for that compliment :) And that you liked Percy, that is so nice! I really would have liked to see more of his character in the show, but maynly his character was based on the fact that he was big, strong and handsome. And maybe a bit silent. That was what I started with so and I have had such a good time developing his character. (I did notice halfway through that in the show he was actually Lance's friend, but mm, oops?) I had totaly forgotten hat scene when Morgana was 'dying' but the mental image you gave me was spot on. I had imagined Arthur starting to pace around after waiting two hours and Hunith first trying to calm him down by distracting him and then joining the waiting... I can totaly see her sitting at the table looking out from their window and Arthur pacing around... It's hard for Hunith to admit, but at somethings Arthur truly knows her son better than she does. The next chapter will be quite emotioanl to say the least for the reasons you already guessed. Gaius' advise is the best thing I have in my relationship at the moment, so I hope it will continue to work in every situation :) And I just love to write Arthur open about his feeling even if it needs some effort at the moment, lets see if it will form to be a habbit with Merlin at least ;)
mersan123 Thank you :) I can't say I had fun writing Aredian's character, but I had a lot to start from and I'm happy that I was able to make him the liar- I mean lawyer worth Uther. I'm sos sorry I made Merlin go through that, but he really did well, didn't he? :) I reall y enjoy writing Percy like that. He didn't have that much developement in the show, so it's great fun developing his character this way, I'm glad the scene in the car was interesting. Arthur will be alright as you said, but that will have to wait till the next chapter :) I have to ask, how did you like Susan? She ended to have quite a long scene and we will see her again ;)
Skypeoplephoenix732 Oh, thank you! Such a compliment! :) Ah, it was so interesting to read how you thought about Aredian, it wasn't an easy part to write... This kind of trials are not easy matters and I'm not even trying to pretend I have some actual knowledge of how they work, but this case should be quite clear. Gwaine can still get himself into a lot of trouble, but Merlin should be quite safe. Even if everything that can go wrong would go wrong, I'm pretty sure Hunith wouldn't ket Uther anyway near her son anymore and that is what Merlin needs. So, we are nearing the happy ending! yay! Great to hear that your concert went well, I hope you are not working too hard! So nice to hear that you liked the Percy and Merlin moment, I'm trying to picture a deddy bear with a chocolate centre, but it sounds a bit... I mean it's chocolate! And now I have a mental picture of a deddybear I want to consume so Umm, thanks... We will see Arthur in the court in next chapter, can't wait!
Insanereviewer Second grade was always my favourite! I have so many handycrafts, art, music, math, language (finnish) ideas and ready planned classes... I almost miss it all. Almost. A premission to dance received! I have this family friend who once said that he has had so bizarre life that he would write a book about it, but no-one would believe the stuff that has happened to him, so he won't. He's a funny old man. As you might have noticed, I borrowed your term 'Cretin' for this chapter. I had to. I was writing Gwaine's lines and well, you made it stick. :D Yeah, it's not the first thing someone asumes that 'hey, the step brother of the victim in protective, they must be dating!' so it will not be an issue if Arthur doesn't mention it. We shall see... ;) Now to Aredian: I second on everything you said (and didn't, I don't believe in using searwords either, as you might have noticed... ). I had really some hard time trying to make up something the Rat could use and some stuff I added afterwards so there would be something he could use... How their weekly meetings looked like, well, you are right, there is no sound and Gwaine's security camera footage is only saved for two months and the older ones gets deleted automatically. He has one camera at the entrance pointing at the windows and the door and one pointing at the counter giving a wiev of most of the store too and of course, the door of the kitchen. (where is also a door that leadts to the second floor, Gwaine's appartment. I'm not sure if I have mentioned it yet...). So, the Adder couldn't see what actually happened in the backroom so he used it. The second time was quite short, but the first time when they talked and Gwaine made omelet took at least twenty minutes and even after Gwaine exited, Merlin still stayed... But lets get back to that in the next chapter. Oh! And Gwaine is a flirt most of the time. He doesn't know about the alcohol, because Gwaine has a cheap camera. He couldn't see what was in the plastic bags Gwaine always gave Merlin when he came. (Not mentioned anywhere, but for some other regulars he did the same) I might understand why this riles you off the most. These kind of crimes happen and there are always criminals, but here we have an educated man who has made his carreer (and fortune) by defending these lowlifes. Ritch lowlifes who are able to pay to cover up their mistakes. It riles me up at least. If there was nothing wrong with our legal systems, I would have just kind of written 'and there was a court and Uther went to jail and let's see how that felt for our main characters', but it the process is hard and uncomfortable and many victims don't trust on it very much, so I have made this many chapters to cover that... Even if I have no experience or real knowledge of the process... I really hope nobody gets riled up on my mistakes... Ah, Merlin wasn't stupid, we all saw how he was manipulated, but that how it feels like now. Like, of course his mother wouldn't have blamed him if he had just told her in the first place... Even if he still can't fully trust that her opinion won't change during the trial... He has to see it, hearing it isn't enough right now. You are so right about the manipulation, that's why we, who have been or ore or are going to be teachers also have a huge responsability. And then to Gwaine. I think we have entablished that he doesn't think everything through :P But yes, he has Percy who can predict his moves pretty well and Merlin's nagging will do him good. But he knows also that he is no leader and to be frank, he needs one in his life. Wonder who would fit in that slot... ;D I'm so happy that you liked that line, I have a sense of humour! Yes! And that you liked the car ride... You made me so happy :) Percy got far too little time in the show and I really had fun imagining what was the core personality of him (in the show it was that he was big, handsome and strong). Then to Arthur: Going to court will be hard, but he will benefit of it. He has always been someone not to shy away when it mattered. As we have seen in this chapter, he has doen his best not to piss of anyone, at least not himself, for he knows very well it will not help him or Merlin or anyone. Lets see how it will play out in the end ;) The hair drying... that is so intimate and Arthur is so natural with Merlin... yes it has been hard to realise why Merlin is acting like he is, but as you said, Arthur has known a long time how to react to him acting like he acts. I'm so happy that you like my 'cute scenes'! there will be a lot more of those coming :)
Chibi . warlock Maybe... not often, but sometimes and Uther in this story would be a very good place to take out that one :P I have so much pressure built on Morgana by now that I have read the part she is in like ten times and I'm still getting anxious about it... I can just hope now that you will like it :) If it's not too much to ask, lease tell me what you thought about her when we will get there :)
GuestChacha Yep, Aredian is not famous of being polite! And yes, he is desperate... for a good reason! But I'm so happy to hear that I managed to write him as I intented, it sucks how there are people like him in this world. About Percy, wery well said, he really is too responsible for his own good... I might want to use that line in some occassion... Do you mind if I do? I'm so relieved that I have had comments on how the surname I picked for Gwaine is alright, I'm really bad with names and when the original show didn'd give anyone (exept Pendragons) a surname, I have been avoiding them like a plague, but for Gwaine I just needed one. Lance will appear in this story again, it has been many chapters, but it has only been few weeks since Lance called the social service. I might even wrte some more of him in this story now that you asked :) with your comments I can resist Netflix a while longer and update, Thank you so much for your attention, I'll try my best to keep updating often :)
Kao You are propably right about there being a protocol and Iseldir could have helped more. That question you would have asked, I thought about it too, but I left it out for the sake of drama. I know, I'm sinking to the level of those who write plots for tv-series with settings like hospital or law firm... I wish I had time to read all those cases you sent me and maybe talk with you are something and rewrite the next chapter to be more accurate, but... I might have to say that I'm out of yime with my university startingsoon and stuff... And anyway my focus has been in feelings and well, I might have left some stuff un-written just with making Arthur not focused of them *sheepish grin* I hope you will make it through that part... Just one question, still, How does the jury work? I have very limited knowledge of that for we have a different system... If you can tell me I can still work that scene a bit. And huge thank you for the links, I will definitely try to readt them through at least before I do a final check up for the next chapter! Yeah Gwaine... he doesn't care too much about being a bit addicted to alcohol... That I took from the show. He thinks it's good to have a beer or two if one is tired, happy, celebrating, seeing friends, satying at home or mostly every ocation in life. Drugs he doesn't tolerte and no-one in this story smokes because I hate smoking. I'm so happy that you enjoyed the scene in the car :) Percy really did try... It's not always easy being that big :D Arthur going against Uther will (hopefully) be quite satisfying at least for me to write :) Thank you for your review, never appologise that they are long, I love long reviews :)