Having breakfast with Merlin and Hunith was not as pleasant as Arthur had grown to get used to. He was highly nervous of the talk Hunith would no doubt give them as soon as they had eaten. Hunith had already asked them how they were feeling and if they had headache or nausea or anything at all. Arthur had muttered that he was alright, he really was, more so after he had been able to just talk and stay close to Merlin who still didn't seem scared of him even if Arthur felt he had not done too well yesterday night or today morning either.
Merlin on the other hand seemed uninterested and somehow… rebel. He rolled his eyes when Hunith asked again if he was sure he was alright and he claimed he didn't feel anything out of ordinary. Arthur kind of wanted to know if being slightly hungover was actually Merlin's normal for he had no idea of how much and how often Merlin had actually drank in the past, but at the same time he really didn't want to actually open his mouth and ask. Not at the moment at least.
When they had eaten and Hunith was sure neither of them felt bad, she took them to the living room to have a serious chat. She told them things Arthur had heard before at school and such places, but with tone and certainty and just… the blunt way of expressing things Hunith used, Arthur felt everything sink in a very different way he had been reacting to the topic of drinking in the past. He had known it was wrong to drink while under eighteen and he had avoided everything that was wrong for all his life, but now that Hunith was telling them how it could really damage them, they ability to think and make right decisions and not how angry she was for them breaking the rules, but how it hurt her to see them under the influence of alcohol at such young age, it just made Arthur feel so much stronger on the subject.
Shame, hurt, fear, self doubt, but also… this warm feeling that someone actually cared about his safety and well being this much. His father would have no doubt just told him how disappointed he was, how Arthur was soiling their name and never to do it again. It wouldn't have been the first time. In the deep parts of his mind, Arthur could hear his father tell him how this was what he had expected to happen. Now that he wasn't here to keep Arthur under strict discipline, something like this was bound to happen.
When Hunith asked them how much they had drunk, Arthur at least was a bit relieved to tell her that he had drunk just one glass of red wine. He felt a need he had suppressed for what seemed like years in his father's home, come back to him. The need to please and it was now directed to Hunith. It was stronger than he remembered it had been with his father, maybe because Arthur had known very well what to do when he had disappointed him. Do better than expected with something else.
Get a bad grade in biology, win a football match. Lose a football match, make important sounding comments of strategy or methods of leading while Uther's associates were present. Take a good posture, tell it was understood what was expected of him, say 'yes father'… He had a bunch of those and he had always known what Uther had expected of him. He had been very keen on telling that to Arthur after all. But with Hunith it was different. Arthur didn't know what was expected of him, more than what was obvious of course. Help around the house a bit, call if going somewhere, clean the table when it was his turn, don't break any laws… normal stuff, but that didn't feel like anything. He wanted so much to do something right now to make his mistake up to her.
Merlin seemed to be the polar opposite if that. He didn't even sound sorry when he told his mother how he had only drunk a small glass of wine and at most two small beers after that. He hadn't even been that drunk, he had just been tried and that it had only been because it was a party, that everyone in their age partied now and then. Arthur was not convinced because he had seen Merlin behave very out of character and Hunith for many other reasons.
"A party is not an excuse, I don't care if 'everybody else' drinks and please don't take me for a fool, I saw you and you were not sober." Hunith shot down everything Merlin had tried to use as his defence and it just went downhill from there. Merlin started to whine, actually whine and he did something Arthur had never thought he would do, he used what had happened as an excuse. It hurt Arthur and he could see how it teared Hunith's insides, but she stayed firm even if she softened her tone to a kind one.
Soon, however, Arthur felt like he wasn't even really there. Hunith concentrated on Merlin with all she had and Arthur didn't blame her at all for that. It was to be expected. Merlin was actually her son and he had drunk much more compared to Arthur and he was now protesting while Arthur had told right in the beginning that he understood and would never drink again before he turned eighteen. Still he felt just the tiniest hurt that the woman he wanted so much to please at the moment didn't look at his direction anymore. Realising that made him ask from himself since when he had needed this much attention? At the same time he felt hurt and he really wanted to tell Merlin to stop talking like that and apologise already.
Some of the argument was lost to Arthur, but he could see that Merlin was growing angry. Still Hunith kept talking to him calmly, not patronising, not acting like they were stupid or too young to understand and Arthur could also see that how much Merlin wanted to, he couldn't start a fight with his mother when she was not giving him a chance.
After watching their interaction for a while, Arthur understood. Merlin was testing his boundaries. He was testing how his mother would react, how far her authority reached now, that everything was over and they would really start their new life. It was the same Arthur had gone through with some players who were older than him in the beginning. He had learned that if he had lost his patience, they had won and it had taken triple the work to make them do as he wanted after that. It had nothing to do what they actually thought was good for the team and their skills, it was just a power play. Arthur wanted to tell Hunith that he saw what she was doing and tell her to hang in there, but obviously it was not time to that. He held his breath and hoped that Hunith would stay patient.
It didn't take too long for Merlin's annoyance grumble under Hunith's calm sternness. He admitted that he had known for a long time that he was getting addicted, that he knew it was not a good thing. He admitted that he had never been that drunk and told how he had actually felt drunk about four times before, when he had drunk his first beer, when he had drunk wine straight from a bottle and once while sitting in his closet for he had drunk too fast after throwing up. He promised he had not drank more than one beer most of the time and he promised he would stop drinking.
Hunith told him how proud she was for his decision and of Arthur too. She never mentioned how Merlin had whined and been rude and all that, it was behind them now and Arthur could feel his admiration for her grow. He felt lucky that Merlin's mother was this incredible person and he briefly wondered if Merlin was as intelligent and incredible himself because of that, but he stopped that train of thought when a small voice in his head told him how he only had one parent and asked what traits he had inherited from Uther.
It was a long conversation after that, but Arthur didn't mind at all. Merlin agreed that he would not drink any alcohol at all until he was at least seventeen and after that depending on how it would go, maybe under supervision in special occasions. They spend a good while talking about the difference of needing and wanting to drink alcohol. Merlin told he enjoyed the taste and Hunith told him that it was very much alright to have a beer or a glass of wine now and then when he was an adult if it was really for the taste, but that for now he would have to see if he could not feel the need to drink when he wanted to relax or when he would feel bad. She didn't try to deny that Merlin would have hard times ahead and during those he would still have to find another way to deal with himself than the alcohol.
In the end it was a good conversation and Arthur felt like he had feared for nothing. He was determined to not drink of course and he could feel the amount of disappointment Hunith would without doubt have if Arthur broke his promise, but when Hunith told that she trusted in their word, Arthur felt that even if he had made a mistake, it wouldn't follow him after this conversation ended. Hunith still cared about them both and he was not angry anymore. It was… strange and it fed the need for more attention inside Arthur which made him try and do something, anything for Hunith the whole day.
He cleaned their room even if he had zero idea of what exactly he should do and packed both his and Merlin's things ready for school. He took Merlin out to play football when he started to pace around the house and when Hunith asked him to help her with a stubborn lid of a jar of jam, he was there in a second. Her 'thank you' eased something inside Arthur's heart.
In the evening, Hunith paid a visit to Gwaine. The moment she was gone, Merlin texted Gwaine to warn him and what Arthur saw of his reply… well, basically he could have just written '…oops'.
They talked a little then and Arthur felt really great that he had learned so much of this side of Merlin too. It was obvious that Merlin was ashamed of the drinking and of his behaviour and Arthur couldn't say that he had liked either of those, but he also realised something important. Hunith had already taken care of the part of setting rules and making Merlin admit his mistake, so now Arthur could just concentrate on telling Merlin how it was going to be alright and that he knew Merlin could stop drinking. That he was there if Merlin ever needed help and that he loved him.
When Hunith came back with an air of satisfaction around him, Arthur knew Gwaine would at least think twice before selling Merlin anything at all. Merlin had been resting his head on Arthur's lap for a while, but when his mother stepped to the room, he rose up and told them he would take a shower. Arthur felt an odd feeling of disappointment when Merlin disappeared from his line of sight. The cooling spot on his tight just felt… wrong somehow.
Still Arthur didn't follow Merlin. He knew he preferred to shower while no-one was on the second floor. It didn't take long for him to enter to the world of his disoriented thoughts and he only noticed Hunith had sat next to him when she talked to him.
"I should have thanked you for taking Merlin home yesterday. What is the most important thing to me that you were both safe." She said and Arthur grew uneasy. He was not accustomed to this kind of kindness and the need to repay it somehow was overwhelming him. "…I shouldn't have taken the wine... and I should have told Merlin no…" He said quietly even if he felt it very risky to be this honest. He was half expecting Hunith to see his point and get mad at him, but Hunith only looked at him kindly.
"You do know that you are not responsible of Merlin's choices, right?" She asked and Arthur really had to stop and think of that one. In his mind, of course he was responsible of Merlin. He had let him down for so many times and for so long time and besides he needed help and Arthur had to be strong enough to be that help. They were in a relationship and Arthur was the one who would be the front, the strong figure that kept them safe, protected Merlin and taking responsibility. And he would do it, no question in there, but what was the answer here? Maybe, just maybe it what Hunith had said made sense. He couldn't be a mother to Merlin and he couldn't take responsibility of his actions… That… was a relieving thought.
"I guess not…" He said and Hunith smiled at him and ruffled his hair. It was weirdly intimate touch and so forgein to Arthur that he had no idea of how to respond to that. If Merlin had done something like that, Arthur would have glommed him into a playful hug, but now he just looked at Hunith as if she had grown another head.
Hunith was laughing at him softly just when Merlin came down his pyjama on, his hair damp and an old book in his hand. Merlin looked adorable, but seeing a pyjama Merlin had wore when they had first shared a bed made Arthur think of what had happened with that one on. 'I have wanted to throw out every single item I own for at least once during the last year' repeated itself in Arthur's mind while Merlin sat on the other side of Hunith and gave her the book. It turned out it was an old book of celtic myths and Merlin asked his mother to read some of them 'so Arthur could hear them too'.
Hunith read them stories of selkies and morgens in a way that told Arthur she had told these stories many times before. At some point Merlin leaned on his mother first timidly, but then with a posture that spoke of habit. It was nice to see and Arthur pictured Merlin as a child, listening to these same stories in their small house and it moved him deeply. He wanted to go back in time and get to know that Merlin too…
Some of his emotions must have shown on his face because at some point Hunith stopped reading and smiled at him warm, motherly smile. "Come here, my purple striped giraffe." She said and Arthur could barely make a 'huh?' sound before he found himself also leaning to Hunith's side, Hunith's hand around his shoulders.
He would have protested, but Hunith had already started to read again and the soft tone made Arthur think that it was alright, just this once, before he concentrated on listening how a princess had been drowned had turned to a morgen. How she had sat on a shore, combing her long hair, luring men to their death with her eternal beauty and the riches of her underwater realm.
Before they all had to go to sleep, Arthur heard Merlin laugh and saw him smile. He heard him speak on top of Hunith on what Arthur assumed were his favourite lines, his eyes bright and his long limbs curled where they could while Merlin stayed leaning first to his mother's side, then to her elbow and lastly on her lap. He seemed more in balance than in days and when they were laying on their bed, Arthur's arm under his pillow, Merlin didn't seem at all worried about tomorrow.
Arthur watched him fall asleep while he stroked his dark hair absentmindedly. He stayed awake a lot longer than Merlin. It was obvious now that living with Hunith would not be easy for he couldn't just throw an accomplishment in her face and expect to be left alone, but he really didn't mind. He didn't want to be left alone, he wanted to be part of a real family and he wanted to make both Merlin and Hunith proud to call him their family too. He decided that from now on, he would do everything right. He would help around the house, he would get good results at school, he would stay strong and upright and reliable. He would encourage Merlin to feel normal and he would make him smile for he could see that Hunith liked to see that as much as he himself did.
When Merlin's alarm rang, Arthur rose up and cheerfully announced it was a time to wake up even if he felt his eyes a bit heavy after a bit too short sleep. He was happy to see that Merlin still didn't seem to be stressing about school. He hoped it would last.
It was monday and Merlin felt like he had just walked into a distant dream. He had walked to school with Arthur because the day was nice and sunny and Arthur had started to internalize that he didn't have an infinite source of money anymore and that it really was good to save where he could. Besides Merlin liked to walk and after hearing this, Arthur had not objected.
When they arrived to the parking lot however, it didn't take for long for someone from the football team to greet them with a "Oy! Arthur! Where did you leave your car?" and Merlin felt stupid for suggesting they walked. "None of your business, Lee! What happened your face? I don't remember it looking like that…" Arthur shot back like the most natural thing to do and Lee frowned at him. He had gotten a serious acne during the summer.
"We all cannot be like you mister captain the perfect!" he replied grumpily. Arthur just laughed at him and nudged Merlin's side "You hear that Merlin? You could try addressing me like that sometimes." He said with a grin. Merlin rolled his eyes. "clotpole…" He mumbled making Lee, who had happily joined their walk, laugh. "Yeah, you can make the rest of us to lick your boots, but Merlin is different case altogether." He said cheerfully making Arthur look up to the heavens dramatically. "So it's not enough that I have to take this..." he said pointing at Merlin "at home, but now I'll have a whole year of my team backing him up?" Lee laughed and Merlin kicked Arthur's ankle playfully. Arthur grinned at him before following Lee to meet some other teammates after Merlin had spotted Gwen and waved Arthur to go to any other direction but theirs.
Seeing Gwen again felt a bit awkward, but they soon found their normal conversation and by the time to have lunch they had arranged themselves a trip to buy some new clothes for Merlin and agreed to go to swim together and wondered if Elyan, Arthur and Lance would play some football with them the coming weekend.
"You, mmm, did you tell Lance that…" Merlin had to ask when his former gym teacher's name was mentioned. Gwen looked awkward for a moment and she hesitantly nodded. "I'm sorry… I should have asked you before I…" Merlin shook his head making Gwen stop on her tracks. "It's alright. I'm actually amazed that it wasn't on the news. I thought that everybody would know by today." Gwen looked at him a bit relieved but also a bit weirdly "It was on the newspaper… It had no names, obviously, or everyone would know by now… I have it with me here somewhere…" Gwen dived into her bag and Merlin wondered if she had everything there, like Mary Poppins…
Gwen found the newspaper she had been looking for fairly quickly and opened it from the right page. The news weren't huge and there really was no names. Merlin didn't know why. Was it to protect his identity or had Uther somehow paid them to be silent? But he didn't really care, he was just glad and relieved.
Someone had obviously done everything in their power to make the news sound as shocking as possible. Respected businessman, teenage boy, abused and raped multiple times during two years time, got caught because had taken almost 250 pictures of his acts…. Merlin handed the paper back to Gwen who took it looking emphatic. She had read this article in the morning and it had hit her in a whole new level what Merlin had gone through. That had actually been the reason she had told Lance. He had spent the night and Gwen had simply broken down when she had seen the article. Merlin, nor Arthur, had never mentioned how long it had been going on and Gwen felt like a lousy friend for not noticing anything for so long time. Merlin just wished she wouldn't look him like that.
"Please Gwen, don't look me like that. I don't want to talk about it at school…" He knew that by saying this he would have to talk about it as soon as they saw after school on friday, but he wanted to keep his school self separated from his free time self. Like he had done last years. Gwen agreed and they moved to lighter topics, like Merlin eating meat again and what Gwen had done with Lance in the summer. Vivian joined them at some point voicing her opinion on Merlin's eating meat again, but in the end she also said he needed some meat on his bones so all in all she gave Merlin 'a permission' to finish his beef. Oh, joy...
After lunch Merlin started gradually dread the end of the day as it was, not surprise here, PE. Again. He tried to kill the fear inside of him by telling himself that he didn't have any obvious markings in his body anymore, that he wasn't that thin anymore and that the rest of the boys should have gotten used to him changing in bathroom last year, but still he hated the stuffed locker room and he fled to the bathroom and locked it before anyone would start to change. He didn't want to see that and beside the same feelings of shame he had gotten familiar during last years, there was this nagging thought of what Arthur would think of him if he lingered in a locker room while all their classmates were stripping.
When he finally exited the bathroom when he was sure the rest of them were already gone and the class started, Merlin quickly learned that the coach was as lazy in PE as he was as a football coach. It angered Merlin that Arthur would have to suffer this for the rest of the year, but at the same time he was extremely grateful that he could just linger around, avoid actually getting close to anyone or participating in the game of baseball they were currently playing and the coach didn't say anything about it. Still, was this better than with Lance? No, definitely not. Merlin could now see how much effort Lance had actually put into him and it made him feel a bit warm. He would have run and try to hit the stupid ball if Lance was here to tell he was doing alright even if he obviously wasn't. He regretted that he hadn't tried more when he had gotten the chance.
When it was time to go to showers, Merlin had already decided that he was not going to shower at school. He would walk home and change there. Maybe from now on he could take his stuff with him to a corner of the gym and then just leave and not even return to the locker room? But then Cedric placed his hand on his shoulder and asked if Merlin was going to occupy the toilet again for he had to go. For some reason Merlin had never liked Cedric and while he kind of never said anything to tell about, everything he said (at least to Merlin) seemed like an accusation and together with the uneasy feeling spearing to his skin caused by the forge in hand, Merlin grew highly irritated of his face.
"You can have it. I have a practise to start." He knew that Cedric had applied to the team and had not made it and when Merlin turned on his heels to get everything he knew the team would need ready, the look on Cedric's face was enough to make Merlin's day a bit better.
Arthur usually showered after PE. He did so quickly and then he rushed to the gym. He didn't like mondays too much because of that, the few extra minutes always caused him stress for the little time he had to prepare himself to change his role from classmate to captain. Still he showered every week. He disliked more the itchy feeling drying sweat left on his skin.
Today however, after he had showered, he didn't rush like he normally did because he couldn't see Merlin. He assumed he was in the restroom he normally occupied and so he waited for him to come out, but when he saw Cedric exit the said rest room, Arthur felt an alarm go off in his head. He found Merlin's stuff from his locker alongside his phone and even if Arthur checked the showers just in case… well that was quite a wild idea anyway. The only place left was the gym and Arthur prepared himself to mostly anything when he practically ran out of the locker room.
Still to his utter surprise Arthur found Merlin arranging the stuff he had taken out himself for the last two weeks. It was… Arthur had no words, he just smiled. It was something incredible, like nothing could stop him if Merlin was there. This year he would get some results with his team. He could feel it.
When the rest of the team started to come in, they noted Merlin immediately. Merlin had been happy that Arthur had not called him for his sudden desire to carry stuff around and it was no wonder he found his sarcastic side as soon as half of the football team had formed a circle of questions around him. The most popular ones being if he was going to be there for every day from now on and where he had been for the last two weeks.
"I needed some vacation from you idiots, obviously." Merlin shot at them and pushed through them using a huge sack of footballs as a shield in order to not touch anyone. Many laughed at his comment and the questions stopped, it didn't matter either way because they all knew Merlin was going to be here from now on and to Merlin's disturbance, he knew it too.
When the team was done with their warm ups and Merlin had done everything Lance had taught him to do, Merlin returned to the locker rooms. It felt weird being in there alone and the room felt familiar and nonthreatening like that. He didn't shower, but he wet his towel and wiped his forehead and neck and then feet and armpits while carefully listening that nobody opened the door to the locker rooms. After that he checked his phone and when he noticed three missed calls from his mother, he called back immediately.
His mother scolded him for not informing her where he was and Merlin cursed himself for not remembering to call to her. He should have. He promised he wouldn't forget anymore and he told he would come home with Arthur at five. It was alright to Hunith who seemed pleased that Merlin had something to do and Merlin hung up feeling it very liberating how he could again control his own movements as long as he called his mother. He would call from now on. He repeated that to himself while he walked back to the gym and then outside where Arthur had moved the team after warm ups.
There was not much to do, but seeing Arthur leading his team while the coach just stood on the edge of the field made Merlin feel warm and proud. It was still a great weather and the looking at the green of the field and listening to the sounds and Arthur yelling instruction really relaxed Merlin. He really would be here every day after this.
After a while, Merlin wandered back inside. He found all the notes he had made during the summer and now he had time and motivation to arrange them. He used the rest of the practice to do that. He made a system and order and made room for it in a shelf of one of the coach's cubicle. He decided that he had the right to do that.
He was not even halfway done when Arthur found him sitting on a floor and mumbling under his breath of how unorganised a paperwork could get. On their way home Merlin complained of the impossible task of organising everything from attendance lists to his own notes and field reservations, but Arthur just kept smiling. He knew Merlin wasn't really seriously complaining. If he had even thought to wish that Merlin would be there for every practice, he would have given anything for that to happen and now… Merlin would be there for Arthur and for his team. He could not ask for more.
In the following days Merlin concentrated on school. He found himself interested especially of biology, chemistry and physics. He now had a purpose for learning them other than just distracting himself, so maybe it was that. He had told this to his mother and she had been proud of him just to hear that he wanted to go to medical school and her support meant the world to Merlin. He had also stayed after school and helped the football team as he had known he would. He would have done it either way, but when Elyan had asked him lightly if he was going to see Merlin in the afternoon when they had passed in a hallway and Merlin had shot him that he would consider it, Elyan had looked him so crestfallen that Merlin had needed to promise him he would be there from now on.
It had made Elyan smile at him brightly, but Merlin had regretted saying something like that so easily when he saw Oliver about an hour later and he made a really elaborated comments on how Merlin was now officially their help and how he wanted a foot rub and some cold beverages from now on after the practises.
Arthur had been awesome, as always. He had praised Merlin and he had been very much his normal self. So normal actually that Merlin had to think how much extra effort it took from him. At school he left Merlin to hang out with Gwen and Vivian because Merlin had told him they saw each other enough at home. He had made sure that nobody got too close of Merlin when he wasn't looking in the football practices and at home he was always telling Merlin how he loved Merlin and how much he liked his hair or smell or handwriting and such stuff. It made Merlin feel more secure even if he felt a huge imbalance in between them. He wished Arthur didn't feel the need to be considerate of him all the time, but at the same time he knew that if Arthur stopped doing stuff like that, he would not handle it well.
When Merlin had asked if he could go to shop with Gwen on friday, Arthur had asked immediately if he could go too. It seemed that his 'leave Merlin alone with Gwen' -thing only applied at school. It was fine though and when they got the permission, Arthur called Elyan who told him he would come too. They could go to the mall and separate there for a while and then go to Gwen's to hang around. It sounded nice.
Still when they were driving to pick Elyan and Gwen up, Merlin felt like there was water inside of him and someone was throwing rocks at it breaking the still surface. Being at home seemed safe and being at school felt familiar, but now he had no place to hide or a role to act on and he knew he would have to be honest with his friends if he intended to keep them.
On their way Merlin stayed quiet while Arthur kept the conversation going. It didn't make the feeling go away that Arthur was better and somehow in a higher position than him emotionally, socially and well, in every way. It felt bad, but also that it was somehow right. He was dirty and he had made so many wrong choices and he had said and done such stupid things even after he had gotten out of the house he had not believed he would ever get to escape. He didn't deserve to be equal with someone like Arthur and he again felt the desperate feeling that he needed to hold on to Arthur before he would vanish and never come back to Merlin, but he just kept quiet as Arthur drove on.
"I have something I have to buy… I would be back in about an hour…" Arthur said and Merlin focused on his surroundings again. Elyan said it was alright, he could see some games at the same time. It seemed that Arthur was coming with Merlin and Gwen to shop some clothes and Merlin was reminded of Arthur's promise to buy him a new pyjama. He blushed lightly at the thought. It felt so good that Arthur had remembered that even if he really didn't need to…
They left Elyan to a games store and Arthur followed Merlin and Gwen to a clothing store Gwen lead them to. "Gwen, I need your excellent eye on style." Arthur stated as soon as they walked in making Gwen seem happy "I need to buy Merlin some new pyjamas… I kind of threw some of them away…" Merlin blushed some more and tried to look at another direction while Gwen laughed at Arthur "How's that even possible?" she asked but offered her help. "If I remember correctly Merlin likes those full pyjamas… " she mused and soon Arthur was in passionate conversation with her about Merlin's choices of nightwear and Merlin wanted to disappear.
Gwen and Arthur found some nice and warm and soft material made cotton pyjamas and Arthur decided on Gwen's help on a purple one that looked much more adult than the pyjamas Merlin had and to one cream coloured with grey thin stripes and to one satin black pyjama that made Merlin blush when Arthur put it in front of him to see how he looked. Merlin tried to seem uncaring and rolled his eyes but he still saw Gwen giggle behind Arthur. "That looks good… you should take it." Gwen encouraged Arthur who grinned at her with the tiniest hint of blush on his cheeks. Merlin had no idea how Arthur could be so calm. He himself was terrified at every little thing letting everyone know that they were dating. Of course Arthur was probably doing a hundred times better job at keeping their relationship a secret than Merlin was at the moment. 'Act normal… act normal… I have no idea how I did this last year…' He kept thinking while Arthur paid for the pyjamas.
"Three should be enough… To tell you the truth, I might have thrown all of your pyjamas away… Just by accident of course." Merlin blinked at him while taking the plastic bag full of nightwear from Arthur's outstretched hand and the meaning of that hit him. He blushed furiously. He was glad that he never had to see any of his old pyjamas, (and they had been getting small anyway…) but he wondered what had happened if Arthur hadn't been able to come here or if they hadn't found anything fitting… Would he have had to loan Arthur's pyjama pants? Did he even have pyjama shirts? How did this all seem to Gwen?
Gwen was smiling at Merlin from behind Arthur's back and Merlin knew she would talk to him about this as soon as Arthur was out of the hearing range. She looked like she knew something and Merlin feared he knew what that was. Oh God he hoped nothing bad would come out of this...
Arthur left soon after to find Elyan and Merlin was left alone with Gwen. "Lets go to have some ice-cream." She said and Merlin sighed. Yep, this was it. Another conversation Merlin definitely would want to have if not with alcohol then at least privacy and too much tea, like in Gaius' house. That was why he suggested they go to a coffee slash italian ice-cream place. Gwen agreed to his decision. The ordered themselves some drinks and ice-cream and Merlin made his way to the most far corner where there was nobody near. He didn't even care if they looked like they were on a date. He preferred that over someone thinking he and Arthur were on a date any day at the moment.
Gwen didn't wait long to drop the bomb. "So you and Arthur are finally together, huh?" Merlin almost shocked to the word 'finally'. "Wha- what?" he managed to cough out while Gwen just looked at him kindly. "Come on, how long have we been friends, I can't possibly miss everything…" She looked sad at her own words and Merlin took her hand again not caring how it looked like. "Gwen, really, Don't blame yourself. I-I'm just grateful that you are still my friend even, even if I'm…" He could continue and Gwen placed her other hand on top of his.
"Merlin, you are my best friend. I don't care if you like boys or girls or both and I'm just happy that you and Arthur are happy. I have watched you two for a long time now… and you just seem so good for each others." Merlin managed to look at her eyes and he couldn't see anything else than genuine caring. He squeezed Gwen's hand. "I have no idea what I have done to deserve you…" He was close to tears and he tried desperately hold them back. Holding hands in a coffee shop was something but holding hands in a coffee shop while crying… Well he could live without that.
"And I have no idea what I have done to deserve you… If Arthur ever gets to your nerves, just tell me and I will lecture him to the next century!" She said now grinning and Merlin couldn't help but laugh. "It's alright… he has been so… " He started but stopped at Gwen's knowing smile. It was nice to see that Gwen knew how amazing Arthur really was. Still there were things swirling inside of him and he needed to talk to Gwen to see more of her reactions. "But are you sure you are ok, with this? I mean… we are supposed to be brothers…" he started unruly of what he would hear, but Gwen just shook her head sadly.
"You are not brothers. That man is not your father." Gwen said in a very sure voice and Merlin suddenly remembered what Gwen had told him how her mother had died. He knew Gwen wasn't suffering right now only for him, but for her mother all over again. "Yeah, you are right… " He said quietly. "Thank you, really." He added and Gwen looked at him with a bit tired compassion. "You have nothing to thank me for. I think you two are cute." Merlin was a bit taken aback by this. 'cute' wasn't a word he had thought he would seem to anyone.
"You have a peculiar taste… I never noticed before..." He said with humour in his voice. Gwen laughed and punched Merlin's shoulder lightly making him laugh. "You are the worst of the two of you." She said, but there was so much warmth that even Merlin couldn't mistake her words to be truth. They spent rest of their ice-cream talking basically about love wrapped in jokes and light tone. At some point Merlin even confessed that Lance was handsome which made Gwen blush and joke how he had no chance of stealing her boyfriend. Merlin rolled his eyes telling that she hadn't seen Arthur without shirt causing Gwen to giggle uncontrollably. They held their hands together the whole time. "I don't think I will ever get as good friend in my life as you are…" Gwen finally confessed and Merlin had to agree with her. He didn't think there could be better friends than this.
After they exited the shop, it was almost time to meet up with Arthur and Elyan. Merlin looked sheepish and apologised that Gwen hadn't gotten any shopping done but Gwen just waved her hand in a dismissing way. "I don't have anything to shop really, I just wanted to spend some time with you." Merlin felt warm inside and he told Gwen that she could have just asked him for a date then. Gwen blushed at that and told him that she wouldn't dare. "Arthur would have my head, even if Lance would understand…"
That comment reminded Merlin of something he couldn't really place what. "You sure have a nice relationship with him…" He said genuinely and Gwen smiled at him pleased. "Yes. He trusts me and I trust him. I think that's most important." Merlin liked the sound of that and he remembered how Arthur had not minded him sitting next to Gwaine. It felt… very much right. He knew he trusted Arthur and maybe, just maybe they had the same trust that Gwen and Lance had between them.
Elyan had found a new game he wanted to try and Arthur had agreed to buy it in half with him so they would play it in their home next week. Merlin was alright with Elyan coming over, he had been in their room already and Gwen knew already so it was not that bad even if Merlin didn't feel like bluntly telling him, if Elyan somehow grew some brain cells to figure them out, Merlin wouldn't mind as long as Elyan was alright with them.
They went to Gwen's house and watched a movie together before Arthur drove him and Merlin home. Merlin felt happy and content. When Arthur asked him if he had bought something, Merlin told him that he had been on a date with Gwen, Arthur just laughed and told him that it was good that Merlin was able to get a date with such a beautiful girl before kissing his cheek. Merlin smiled at him. He had tried and he had gotten his answer, Arthur did trust him and that felt very good. It somehow grounded some trust in himself. Now Merlin really felt that at least in this, he was trustworthy and he felt proud of himself because of that.
When Merlin was changing for the night he found that Arthur had really meant what he had said. Every single one of Merlin's pyjamas were missing. He chose the purple one of his new night rope not even feeling embarrassed anymore. He was just actually happy that he had something completely new to wear. He almost wanted to step out of the closet and show off his new pyjama with a spin and a pose, but he refused to be that gay.
Arthur smiled at him fondly when he exited their closet. "That suits you." He said and Merlin blushed. Spin and pose aside, he seriously felt gay enough as it was. Arthur slept next to Merlin hugging him from behind, his arm under Merlin's pillow. "You smell nice…" He said when he had buried his head against Merlin's neck and Merlin felt like he could do anything now. He had survived the first week of school and he would survive the next too. Most of the things around him felt strange or scary or just plain weird, but he had so much right now and he promised to himself that he would find a way to be better for those who he held dear.
A/N Hello! Alright, it's time to admit that I will need more time to update. My school has started again and my work has still not ended. I'm burried with stuff to do and I have literaly used every spare moment I'm awake enough to write this chapter. It might be that from now on I can only update once a week. I'l try to be quicker, but at least next week looks like someone put three people's scedules on my calendar... The other option would be to update shorter chapters (even shorter than this), but I kind of like the lenght now and at some chaters it would feel that I just put some not so relevant day or something and then it would end, so maybe it's better to upload longer chapters and not so freguently...? What do you say?
Thak you so much for everyone who reviewed! I hope the replies ar not filled with too many spelling mistakes and un-logical stuff, I was in a bit of a hurry to write them... I'm sorry about that for you deserve better. I hope to make it up to you the next time you (hopefully) review :)
blue-analytic Oh! now I get it! Interesting idiom, thank you for explaining it to me :) Yes... Morgana is a bit mad at the moment, at least as long as she has to stay in the town she was raised in. She is not quite stable and coming back and finally testifying against the man she hates the most in the world took its toll... We will see her later ans some of this all will be explained :) Yes Merlin has to built his self esteem again and right now he is looking everyone he knows and their every expression and every action very carefully to know what they really think. He doesn't trust his own judgement or just words too much at the moment. That's why he is testing his boundaries also... But he has such awesome friends that he has come to a conclusion that he really can trust them fairly quickly :) It was so nice that you reviewed right away! May you have a nice day too!
Greedy Reader No, she is definitely not well and coming back was not an easy thing for her... In theory Arthur was thirteen when Morgana moved out an he was present when Morgana got hit and the same night she was raped... but it's still not logical to blame a baby brother for not doing anything. But then again, logic is not very strong here at the moment. We will get back to that, I promise! Oh, Morgana and Merlin... In the show I was so sorry that they never had a real relationship even if they were friends at first and the bitter enemies, but Morgana never really learned of Merlin's magic... so I might have done something about it in my story ;) (btw, I laughed out loud when I read "Uther, who seems to prefer pale fourteen year olds with dark hair." That is so disturbingly true! :D ) Why a bunch of adult (especially cops) would let Merlin get drunk? Well... good question. Some adults are like that, they think that it's alright once in a while to let a minor drink a glass of wine and Gwaine and his father are exactly like that. And Gwaine's father is a boss for the rest of them, so when he allowed it silently, the others unconsciously let the responsibility to fall on his shoulders. That Merlin got that drunk is because he didn't eat much and he is still very light. And he didn't actually seem very drunk... He felt it, but he didn't get mentally drunk because he was so used on drinking alone, so Gwaine didn't really think much of it when he offered Merlin his third portion of alcohol that night. I'm replying these as they come, so I have not yet actually written this chapter you just read, so I might want to add some of this explanation somewhere... Thank you for asking :) Ah, Will. We will see him too. Wait for a chapter named after him ;) I so now the feeling of hitting a toe! I swear a lot then too... I actually read one research once that stated that swearing actually reduces the feeling of pain. So I observed myself once and I have to say it kind of works :P
Angel Dove1 No problem :) Yes! You got the subtle hint! Right now we don't know the whole story of Morgana, but the whole conversation had quite much stuff in it. Yes, she is angry and a bit mad even and she did say some very unreasonable things to Arthur, but still she waited for him and showed emotions like worry and she kind of told Arthur they could meeta again... And yes, charing mode, what a good word :) So great that I have been able to make you symphatize with Hunith, so many were quite angry with her when she didn't notice what was wrong with Merlin in the begining of the story... It's not easy to make right decisions and while Hunith don't know how to break tension in Merlin the same way Arthur does, she is determinate to be mother for them both. I'm also so happy that you find Arthur adorable, i love the word 'adorable' :D Oh, Percy didn't actually clean Gwaine's appartment, but it might be that he is part of the reason Gwaine is actually quite tidy nowadays (they were roommated for quite some time...) The picture actually something that Percy really wouldn't be comfortable sharing and if explained, nt very funny, but Gwaine was just teasing him, he wouldn't have shown it any way. When Elena asked about it he distracted her by showing a picture of Percy in the middle of one of their first cases while they were together in an intership and followed around two officers. In the middle of it, Percy had needed to hold a chihuahua puppy and well, you can imagine Percy holding the smallest of furballs in his palm while the said furball tried to do it's best to lick Percys nose... Sorry, that might have been quite unnecessary detail, but since you.. actually you didn't ask... this is awkward... Anyway, Great you liked Gwaine's father too :) (He still doesn't have name for I have hard time imagining a name that would go well with surname like Mayhawk... And for a man who has named his son 'Gwaine') Arthur is going to be a chief someday, he is natural leader and even Gwaine has aknowledged this for he said he would come and work for him. As said before, he himself knows he is not leader. Ah, burning the photos... that was indeed a very hard and liberating thing to do. Quite clishe way of doind that, so I was a bit nervous if I had been a bit boring, but I thought that it wouldn't seem that way for Merlin and the fire actually comforted him because it was a thing from his childhood. So I let it be. Now mostly everything from Merlin's old life is gone. Uther's house, Uther, the photos, the pyjamas, Merlin's furniture... It does really help. I assure you that soon enough Merlin will start to replace stuff from his wardrope too... I don't know what you had to recover from, but I'm glad that you did :) Cyber hug for you for your bravery. I'm sure you did well, like Merlin is doing now :) Oh, I actually have new year written already and a sketch until Arthur 18th birthday :P If I write the next spring, I could get some scenes in a better order, so I hope there will be interest for me to continue :) The next spring would also include more guys from the football team and one new character from the show ;) Your idea was very cute btw. I almost regret I can't use it because I have already written that chapter... 'Perfection'... You flatter me! (and I'm blushing). I can't wait to hear what you think of the chapter with new year in it now! Thank you again for your awesome review!
Kao Yep, Merthur finaly! :3 And he is respectful, isn't he? A true gentleman ;) Yeah, they so should have made another fire! but Arthur might have been quite quick on getting rid of the said items, he was not so symbolic with it either. He mostly just took the whole pile, dropped it into a waist back and took it straight away to the nearest bin. Ah, yes, those were actually the last paper copies. The originals are in a memory stick the Nerd gave to Gwaine and there is a file with Uther's cloud save on it or something along the line, but those were the last coppies that would have gone to shredder when the case was closed. So in that sense of word, they were the last. (Good thing though nobody asked what Gwaine was carrying in a plastick back from the room two to his store :D ) Great that I was able to amuse you, I find myself writing things like that when ever I have those two in the same room... :P Yes, poor Arthur! He is feeling so much responsibility, but Hunith never was going to guild trip him for not looking after Merlin, just for his own actions. Thank you really, that I can use that, I'll add it when I have time, I'm burried to work at the moment... But soon, I also want to rephrace in sentesce so... I actually priefly thought about the attempted murder and I came to the same conclusion :D That makes me feel so good that you told me the same thing, maybe I'm not totaly hopeless then :D
Insanereviewer ch 39 Yes! You were late! And you are going to make me pout?! Even after you were late?! Oh, how cruel you are! *Plays dramatic* ... Ok, I'll forgive you because you also like human psycology. It seems we have some things in comon :) Yea... Aida was a bit hype, but we will see her again and then I think she will be a bit calmer (marginaly at least...) I know that part irritated me too, but in a way it was also a thing to say. Gaius felt that way and Merlin really should have told someone even if it wouldn't have been easy, so just to set Merlin's world view straight it was a good thing to say so Merlin starts really to know it would have been alright unlike what Uther said. Even if he can't change it now. i think that is what at least irritated me, that Gaius was telling him what he should have done even if there is no way to change it anymore and it's not like most likely anything like that will ever happen again, so it's kind of an useless advice in regardless of the future too. We will get back to that little sentence (kinda) in one other occassion... I'm happy that you liked the rest of the Gaius/ Merlin moment :) Ah, Iseldir. Remember him in the show? He knew all kinds of stuf of Merlin's and Arthur's destiny and he was kind of there but most of the time he only gave half of some old answers or riddles or warnings. I think that was why Merlin never felt that much of a special connection to druids... but he had planned a plot for his defence and he was guiding Arthur to make his story linear. He didn't want to tell it before hand because he likes to keep the speaches natural (unlike Aredian) for he strongly believes in fairness of the system. That sounded so much fun, the mock trial you told me about. I loved your comment :D Purplestiped giraffes are to be taken seriously. Especially those with three heads. Imagine how much not fun it was to try and make up a story the rat and the cretin used? I made these cards of everything that could be proved and that the police knew and I layed them on my floor and started to arrange them in new ways. I felt dirty after that... Iseldir's comment was indeed very well justified, and Arthur's part... that was just so satisfying to write really... And gave some contrast to that miserablesness of the parts where Merlin talked and the photos... I feel great that you called it 'powerful' though :) Yep. In most of the fics out there Merlin takes Arthur's name and I guess it's because we don't actually know Merlin's last name, but in my fic he would definitely take Merlin's. I might have a sketch of their wedding btw... :P It's not long for it's mostly a part of an epilogue I might write, but I'm not too sure for at the moment it's kind of all over the place... But if many enough want to read it, I'll write it :) Yes, you were right :) That was exactly the first thing Gwaine thought when he heard that little detail. It was like 'Ha, there is a lie I can catch them for!' And you so got me there for a moment! I regret I pouted in the begining of your review! I'm so sorry and excited! Fun theories, I have to say. At this day and age there would have been no way Morgana had kept the baby if that had happened, but it would have indeed fit the original legend. Vengeful Mordred it would have been... I can now see a about five years old Mordred glaring at Arthur... :D
ch 40 And continuing of Morgana: We will get back to her story later and even later to what she thought when she left, so I'll try to explain what I can while not spoiling anything. I really was portraying her less stabile side. She also had hard time coming back and telling her story in court and seeing Uther... She could have some screens in between them, but she didn't want to show weakness to the man she loathes. Arthur thought he hasn't known his sister for eight years because that was when the molestation had started, but Morgana is just five years older than Arthur and she left home as soon as she turned eighteen, so Arthur was at the time thirteen. Not old enough to be in any responsability of something like that at all, but he did see how Morgana was hit and that was the day she lost her virginity to Uther and they never talked about even that. Arthur knew very well that something was not right with his father's and Morganas relationship, but he couldn't really make Morgana feel that he was on her side. Not even when Uther hit her. Arthur could also tell that there was something wrong with Merlin's and Uther's relationship, but he never really addressed that either. That's just the way he is and yes, Morgana really has to realise that. Lets see how Merlin can help with that one ;) But we will get back to those times later as I already sayd, so I hope that will give you some answers ;) Oh, and Morgana was penetrated twice and it all stopped when she black mailed Uther, but for about two years she was also forced to perform oral sex and that is also a rape... Never wondered how Uther was so practiced on wedging Merlin's jaw open the first time he forced himself in his mouth? Morgana was not as quiet as Merlin was... You are welcome of this disturbing image :P Morgana is bitter and many things are mixed up in her brain, but she still did stay behind so it's not all lost :) All in all, we got of with a positive note from that conversation and from the court, so I'm also glad that Arthur went there and so is he :) Also you are right, Hunith would have kept all her hate inside of her and tried to not make Arthur uncomfortable, so it was good they were able to just let eachothers know that they felt the same about the cretin. Yay! You thought the scene at Gaius' house was cute! He really trusts Arthur and likes his touch even if he is still nervous about how it looks like to others and feels the shadow of the shame Uther has implanted in him. The trauma will last, as you said and the shadow will most propably be there forever. He will learn to trust that there are people who accept him as he is and that there is nothing to be ashamed himself, but he will also be overly conscious how there are also people who how doesn't accpet him and in those cases, he won't just brush it off or think that it's their problem, but his own and he will very easily slip to the 'I'm sorry that I like boys' routine. He also takes fright easily and forgein touch is... not pleasant, part of why he didn't tense at all when Arthur hugged him was that he could see him coming and so when Arthur came to his personal space, he was already waiting the touch. Had he come from behind it wouldn't been so smooth... Love it that you told me your favourite quote! I almost let that out because dialogue didn't really fit there very well, but now I'm glad I left it regardless :) The waiter was a bit pitiful... He will definitely not place his hands on anyones shoulders for a long time... Hih, and the cuddling :D You know how men in general tend to be like that? That 'I have already said I love her, so isn't it logical that if my feelings change, I'll tell her? Do I really have to say it all the time?' way of thinking... Arthur is not that bad of course (nor are younger men actually, it's a bit old stereotype), but that was kind of still where that came from. He had himself processed what happened in the court and even if he will have to deal with it all many times yet, for now he didn't realise at first that for Merlin, the same couldn't have happened for he had not been precent and even if it was just half a day, so much happened so quickly... But he did decide that he would repeat himself as long at it would take Merlin to truly believe all he thinks about him, so points for Arthur :) Then... lacto-ove-vegetarian, a vegetarian who eats animal products like milk and eggs and honey. Products that don't need an animal to die for them. They don't eat fish or meat. I understand that you wouldn't want to Google anything... I have to make up a day for seven years olds who have just started their school for tomorrow and I have used half of my day to that... and I'm just going to substitute... I so remember how much work it actually is when I had my own class... Oh, the photos they burned were the last copies. They have the originals saved and the memory stick is in the file of the case. Just those opies they used and sented around for the procecutor, judge... those went to shredder, but Gwaine nicked one set. We have to be glad that nobody noticed that... Imagine how happy Aredian would have been to hear that Gwaine had stolen 247 photos worth of child pornography... :P Now there is no more evidence left of that either ;) I think it was better for Merlin to be alone so he didn't have to think of what Arthur thought right next to him. Besides Arthur would not have wanted to see them and Merlin knows he has not seen a majority of them any way. I hope it was explained a bit in this chapter, but Merlin really didn't even drink that much, he is just a total light weight :D Which is good btw, but he was also not acting at all like someone who is drunk before the last beer and even then it was mostly that he needed to concentrate on walking stairs... Gwaine wouldn't have given him any more even if he had asked. he is behaving like that while drunk, btw, because he has always drank alone. You know how people who only drink in parties get into party mode when they drink and go mental? Alcohon strengtens emotions and lessens sensible thinking and at least I find myself just getting more involved with the mood around me when I drink. Merlin is used to relaxing and keeping calm, but also staying quiet and getting ready sleep when he drinks, so yeah... I just wanted to tell you this incase you have some thoughts because we both like psycology :) It would be fun to chat with you sometime :) Getting addicted to alcohol is not good, so lets hope they all make good choises in the future :) Oh no, Merlin is definitely not ready for more intimacy they have right now and not is Arthur either. So great that Arthur had enough sense and they will talk about this too, hopefully soon :) Thank you so much for your again long and interesting reviews, I know how tired you must be at the moment and that makes me appreciate these long reviews even more :) Keep up the good work with your class! (I noticed that some of the text might be missing again, but I'm sure you were nearing the ned anyway, so no worries :) )
GuestChacha Oh, chatter all you wnat, I don't mind :) Ha! Arthur is so just starting to realise what it means to have a mum! It really has it's price ;) Morgana and school also... Arthur will really have his plate full this year. We can all be adults in our own way, I just ate pancakes as lunch with my friend because we could. Your family does sound funny and nice, I'm sure you have a great family and really, good luck on getting to begome a psy, I don't really think the way your friends dowe don't need to be something in order to understand it and that is the interesting thing about human beings. We have strenght and emphaty to understand and help one another. I hope you will help many in the years to come :)
Ageha18 Thank you for your comments about Morgana :) She really was heavily based on season four Morgana... She was unreasonable and bitter and well, not really even sane maybe... but the payback to Uther was satisfying. And morgana did give her number, so maybe we will get to see what really is going on in her head ;) Great you loved the party! Burning the pictures really helped Merlin and at least he has now some peace for he knows no-one can see those photos anymore (even if the originals are stored in somewhere...)
Insanereviewer (again...) Aw, so nice that you care :) My grand mother left yesterday (she was here longer than expected) and it was quite tireing, but it was also very nice :) I would like to very much just tell that I had some problem with my computer again, but I just couldn't get the chapter good enough to publish... So I can just say that I'm sorry I'm late. I thnk that if you have interest, that is enough for me, so I'll start to write some of my sketches to actual chapters from now on! Thank you for your encouragement :)
Guest Umm... now? The next... maybe next sunday. (at latest)
Kao (again...) Hi! Thank you for your concern, it really warms me from the inside :) I'll try to update as freguently as possible, but the next might have to wait till next sunday... Sorry... But the next chapter is half done, so I might get it out a bit sooner :)
Greedy Reader (otra vez...) Oh I so know what you mean! I'm fine, thank you for asking :) I'll try to satisfy you oh Greedy one as soon as I can! ;)