Chapter 9 - You Don't Know Anything

Regulus woke and blinked a few times before realizing where he was. "Quick!" he said, practically pushing Remus out of the bed. "Get out there and distract them so I can sneak into my own room!"

Remus quickly got dressed and hurried out of his room to find Sirius sitting on the couch, reading a magazine. "Sirius? You're home? I thought you had work today," he said, trying to sound casual.

"I called in sick. I think I'm coming down with something. Should probably go to bed." He looked at Remus' ruffled up hair. "Hey - have you just been sleeping? It's the middle of the day."

"Yeah, I wasn't feeling so good either," said Remus and felt his forehead. "We might be coming down with the same thing. Come - let's get you to bed."

"I will, in a moment. Let me just finish this article," said Sirius, his eyes landing on the magazine again.

Remus glanced nervously over his shoulder at the closed door. "You really should get to bed if you're not feeling well, Sirius. Why don't you go lie down and I'll get you some tea?"

"I told you, I will in a moment. I'm not so ill that I'll die if I don't get rest and treatment right away."

Remus bit his lip. He really needed to get Sirius out of the room. "Could... could you do me a favor, then? Could you check the fridge for what you would like me to get from the store, and I'll go shop?"

"You can decide what you want to make," said Sirius offhandedly. "I always like your food. I would love it if you would make me some tea with honey, though."

Remus sighed. What was he going to do? He went back to his room and closed the door. "I've tried everything. He won't leave the living room until he's done reading," he told Regulus.

"Argh!" said Regulus, tugging at his hair. "If only I had my clothes in here I could sneak out without being too suspicious, as long as you kept his attention while I exit your room. But in just a towel... It's risky. He'll wonder what I was doing undressed in that part of the flat."

If we were a couple we wouldn't have to sneak around, Remus thought. "You could borrow some of mine. He won't notice that you're wearing one of my t-shirts and shorts. If he asks, we can just say you were in my room to borrow my computer to Skype with friends back home or something."

Regulus considered it for a moment. "But you're taller than me... Your clothes will look long. And it's not my style at all. Mine is classic."

Remus looked slightly offended for a moment and then looked around. "Isn't there any of your clothes in the dryer? Then I can get some of it without having to go through the living room."

"I don't put my clothes in the drier! It's too delicate for that. You Americans put everything in the drier. It ruins your clothes. Kreacher would get a heart attack if he saw it."

Remus sighed and sat down on his bed. "I don't know what to do, then. I might could sneak into your room and get some clothes for you but I'm pretty sure Sirius would notice."

"Can't you just kick him out of the living room? You're too polite. Say you need him out so you can clean in peace, or something."

Remus sighed and went back to the living room. Before he could say anything, Sirius asked, "Hey, where's my brother? I wanted to talk to him about his education."

Remus opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. What was he supposed to say? "Um... he... he's out for a walk. I'm sure he'll be back soon." He looked around. "I need to clean this mess, so would you mind moving to your room now? I'll send Regulus in when he gets back."

Sirius sighed and closed his magazine. "What a mood you're in today. If I didn't know any better I would think you were trying to get rid of me."

Remus shrugged. "I just wanna clean. Regulus has been pestering me about how this place looks, so I thought I'd do something about it."

Sirius raised his eyebrows and shook his head. "You're not his maid! He can clean himself or hire a housekeeper. He can afford it. Why you put up with his shite is beyond me," he said and finally left.

Remus hurried to his room and opened the door. "Coast's clear."

Regulus snuck into his own room and got dressed. Then he went to the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea.

"Sirius wanted to talk to you," said Remus. "I promised I'd send you in when you got back from your walk."

"Oh, bugger. He's probably going to pester me again about my private matters again."

o0o0o

Regulus went into his brother's room, finding him sitting on his bed with his feet up. "You called for me, Master?"

Sirius put his magazine down. "Don't give me an attitude, Reggie, I don't have the energy for it today. I wanna know if you have given college anymore thought? Have you talked to Mum and Dad about funding your education here?"

"I haven't decided on an education yet," mumbled Regulus, irritated to be constantly reminded by everybody.

"Well, it's time you do decide," said Sirius and crossed his arms. "Signing up ends soon and then there'll be a whole year before you can do it again."

It was true that he couldn't keep putting things off. He hadn't graduated upper school (and even if he had, he couldn't afford college), but he couldn't tell Sirius that. What was he going to do? "Well, it's an important decision!" he said angrily. "And it isn't your business anyway, so keep your bloody nose to yourself!"

"I'm trying to help you here!" barked Sirius. "Why the hell are you being so defensive? You've had a month to decide now, so make up your bloody mind, already! You can't just walk around doing nothing for a whole year, Reggie. You'll get bored."

It was true. Regulus was already bored out of his mind, and he would actually love to start studying, if only it were possible. "I can do what I want!" was the only argument he could come up with.

"You're a spoiled little brat," said Sirius. "Decide on something to do! Try to take some damn responsibility for your own life and decide on something for yourself. "

"Or what? You going to throw me out if I don't?"

o0o0o

James came home and found Remus in the kitchen. "The two of them going at it again?" he asked. The brothers' voices could be heard throughout the apartment.

Remus sighed and nodded, twirling a spoon in his coffee. "Like always when Sirius mentions education to Regulus..."

James found a bag of Cheetos in the cabinet, opened it, and sat down at the kitchen table. "I don't get that kid. He doesn't seem interested in his education at all. I got no idea what he wants here. It ain't as if he seems to be enjoying himself very much, or his brother's company."

o0o0o

"Of course I won't throw you out!" barked Sirius. "What kind of brother do you take me for? I'm only looking out for my little brother – is that so terrible?"

"Well, KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT OF IT!" screamed Regulus, feeling his resolve crumbling.

"I don't get you!" screamed Sirius back and flew up from his bed. "You don't want go to college, you don't want to work. What do you want to do? Do you want to go home? Is that it, because that can be arranged! You just call Mum and Dad and have them pick you up at the airport! Then you can tell them what a rotten time you had with your big brother!"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Regulus, to his frustration feeling tears rise in his eyes. "I'M NOT GOING BACK TO THEM! AND IT'S NOT YOUR BUSINESS WHERE I GO!"

"I think I'll call Mum and Dad to figure out what's going on. There's something not adding up here, Regulus, and I want to know what it is!"

"NO!" said Regulus, feeling his stomach constrict. "You're dead to them! And I'm not going home!" Fuck. Now he was actually crying. He quickly wiped a hand over his eyes in an attempt to hide it from his brother. He wanted to leave. Run out before Sirius noticed, but he was standing between him and the door.

Sirius' eyes narrowed. "I don't give a toss! I want to know what the fuck is going on! Why are you so adamant about not going back to them? Did they hurt you after I left?" Then he noticed the tears in his brother's eyes and his expression softened. "Why won't you talk to me? Tell me what's going on with you."

And then something broke inside Regulus and his knees buckled, sinking down on the bed. "I can't go home. There it is. Happy now?"

Sirius looked at him, expression puzzled. "What do you mean you can't go home?"

"I can't go home because… because they disowned me."

Sirius looked at him in shock and went over to sit down beside him. "Are you kidding me? Why?" he asked in a small voice and placed a gentle hand on his brother's shoulder.

Regulus irritably shook off Sirius' hand. "Because I brought shame on the family."

"How the hell could you, of all people, bring shame to the family? You're the golden child."

"Right. You don't know anything about me. They found out that I... that I'm... like Remus."

"Like Remus?" said Sirius and tilted his head like a confused dog. "What do you mean, like Remus?"

"What do you think? Gay! I'm gay!"

Sirius' eyes widened. "And they disowned you for that?" He slapped a hand to his forehead. "Of course they did. Bloody bigots." He smiled at his brother. "Makes a lot more sense to me now, though. Why you never showed any interest in any of the birds throwing themselves at you."

Regulus didn't meet Sirius' eye. He was embarrassed. About his secrets being out in the open, and that his eyes must be red and puffy. "I didn't know where else to go."

"You aren't going anywhere. I'm glad you came," said Sirius and reached out to gently touch Regulus' shoulder again. "You're my brother and I love you. Even if you're a twat sometimes. But then again – so am I, I guess. You could have told me this from day one and we wouldn't have had to argue about it for so long." He sighed. "But if they disowned you, where did you get money to go here and to pay for food and rent?"

Regulus swallowed. "I sold everything of value I had. Even Polaris."

Sirius looked at him in shock. "I thought he had to be put down. Reggie, I'm so sorry. I'm glad you finally told me, though. Now we can start making plans about want to do with your education and all that. You're getting that college degree!"

"How? I'm not an American citizen. I don't even have a green card. And if I don't get one, they're going to throw me out of the country anyway when my visa expires."

"Don't worry about that. Jamie's dad has all the right connections. He can get you a green card as easily as snapping his fingers. Reg - what about the others? They need to know."

Regulus wrung his hands. "No. I don't feel like telling them."

"They'll find out sooner or later. You can't keep hiding it from them."

Regulus finally agreed. "Could you tell them, though? I don't know how..."

o0o0o

James stopped chewing for a moment to listen. "It went quiet in there. Think they killed each other?"

Remus put his mug down, pricking up his ears. "Maybe they actually came to an agreement for once."

Sirius came into the kitchen, noticing that Peter wasn't home yet; but he would just have to tell him later. "Listen, lads," he said, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

Remus looked at him, afraid of what would come. Oh no... Regulus is going home. He felt a deep ache in his chest at the thought.

"He's been disowned," said Sirius and rubbed his neck. "He needs our help so he can stay here."

They were both stunned for a minute. "But I thought he was the golden child! Why the hell did they do that?" asked James.

"Because they found out that he's gay."

"What?" said James. "He's gay? Why didn't he just tell us? And why the hell did your parents disown him just because of that?"

"Because they're cold bigots," said Sirius and leaned forward in his seat. "I don't know exactly what happened back there but it really did a number on my brother and now he can't go home, so we have to help him stay here. Could your dad fix it, Jamie?"

"Sure," said James. "I doubt it'll be a problem."

Sirius eyed both of them. James looked blown away but Remus not so much. "Remus, you don't look too surprised. Did you suspect something? Like some kind or gaydar?"

Remus gulped and shifted in his seat. "Well... something like that," he said, not sure it was a good idea to tell them that he already knew.

o0o0o

Regulus was too embarrassed to come out of his room the rest of the day. He knew the others didn't have a problem with homosexuality - Remus was proof of that - but he still couldn't shake that feeling of shame his family had installed in him. He couldn't make up his mind if he regretted spilling his secret to Sirius or if he was actually relieved.

Remus knocked on his door when dinner was ready and asked if he could come in. When Regulus agreed, Remus walked in and sat down on his bed. "So... um... Sirius told us what happened back home," he started. "Are you okay? I mean with us knowing?"

"Well, I don't really have a choice, do I?" shrugged Regulus. "And, well, you knew about my sexuality already." Regulus found that he was in fact more ashamed of being disowned than of being gay.

"I also meant your family situation," said Remus. "But it must be a relief that Sirius knows now and you don't have to sit on such a heavy secret no more. And you and Sirius can stop fighting so much." Remus had a bit of hope that Regulus might reconsider being his boyfriend, now that he was out. "Do you wanna stay here? Sirius said you did," he asked when Regulus didn't say anything.

"Well, that's the plan for now. I don't have anywhere else to go. Apart from Sirius, my whole family has shunned me. And my boyfriend… Well, I told you he abandoned me when things got hard."

"I'm so sorry, Regulus," sighed Remus. "Well, dinner is just about done. Do you wanna come out or do you want me to bring you some?"

"I really would rather not sit out there and have Potter and Pettigrew gawk at me."

"I'm sure they won't gawk at you. But if you'd rather take your dinner in here, I understand. I just think it's a bad habit to get into, hiding in your room."

"I didn't ask for your advice, yeah?" snapped Regulus. "But I'd appreciate if you would bring me some food."

Remus went to the kitchen to get a plate for Regulus, ignoring the curious eyes of the other residents.

"Room service for the diva?" said Peter, clearly thinking he was funny.

"Careful he doesn't hear you say that, Pete," said Remus as he walked by. "He might just have you for desert."

"Shove it, will you, Pete?" said James. "It ain't easy coming out. Especially for someone like him with what happened last someone found out."

o0o0o

There was a knock on Regulus' door around eleven that night. "Who is it?"

"It's me, your fabulous brother," sounded Sirius' voice from the other side of the door.

Regulus sighed and pulled on a pair of sweat pants. He had been lying in his boxers on the bed, reading. "Come in."

Sirius came in and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at his brother. "We missed you at dinner. How come you didn't want to eat with us?"

"Why do you think?" sighed Regulus. "Not exactly in a social mood, am I?"

"You shouldn't be ashamed. No one is judging you here, you know," said Sirius. He let a finger run along the line of the sheet and sighed. "How did Mum and Dad find out? You know – about you being gay?"

Regulus was silent for a moment, considering if he should tell or not, but ended up deciding that he might as well get it over with. "I was caught snogging my... someone at school, by a bloke I didn't see eye-to-eye with. He told everybody – including Mother and Father. He knew they would hit the roof and that would be a perfect way to get to me."

"What a wanker," said Sirius. "That bloke that you snogged – was that your boyfriend?"

Regulus swallowed and tried to ignore the painful sting in his chest thinking of Barty caused. "Yeah... Since the beginning of the school year. So about half a year."

Sirius bit his lip and tried to read Regulus' expression. "How come you left England if you had a boyfriend? What happened? Did you break up?"

"Turned out he was a right prat. He threw me under the bus when we were exposed. Told the whole school I had been pestering him about hooking up for ages and that he finally got curious and decided to see what it was like snogging a bloke. Just for a laugh, he said."

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "What a twat. Well, at least you only snogged him and didn't go as far as shagging him."

"Of course, I shagged him," said Regulus, not wanting Sirius to think he was a nineteen-year-old virgin. "But since we were only caught snogging, he didn't have to admit that, did he? He didn't admit that we were serious and had been for half a year."

Sirius stared at his brother, fidgeting in his seat. "You shagged him? Okay... Well, that just makes him even more of a twat, doesn't it? I mean, acting like that when things got rough."

"I thought he loved me, but you don't treat people you love that way, do you? What a fool I was…" mumbled Regulus, looking down at his hands in his lap.

Sirius wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulder, knowing that an all-out hug might be pushing it, since his brother wasn't a very tactile person. "Sod him, Reggie. At least he showed his true colors early in the relationship so you didn't have to waste any more time on him." When there was no reply from his little brother, who still sat staring into his lap, "Sirius continued, "You'll find someone better, Reggie. You're so young. You have plenty of time."

"You don't have to comfort me. I don't have heart ache, or anything. I couldn't care less about him. I just feel stupid for trusting him."

"Alright," nodded Sirius and got to his feet. "Well, I hope you'll consider joining the rest of us tomorrow. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"Are the others still up?" Regulus asked. He really needed to use the bathroom and he was also exhausted and wanted to get ready for bed.

"Remus is up working, but the others have gone to bed."

Regulus went. Remus looked up when he passed and wanted to say something, but Regulus closed the bathroom door before he got the chance. He looked at the closed door for a moment and felt his heart sink. Regulus was so cold to him unless they were having sex and even now that the others knew he was gay he still seemed unwilling to show the slightest interest in Remus. Obviously, the fear of coming out had not been the reason he didn't want to be his boyfriend.