Merlin was getting better. That was clear to Hunith. It wasn't that he had suddenly changed or started to act differently per se, but there was just something more controlled and more calm in her son's behaviour and just in weeks it was obvious that a new leaf had been turned.
At times Merlin still reacted very strongly to normal things, but he talked and he didn't hide anymore. He still took long walks, but they seemed to be getting more and more tied to time and less to growing irritation. He had started to call Will again, he had invited Gwen to visit and he had let Aida see his room. He had even leaned to Arthur when they had been watching a movie in their living room and Hunith knew how much that meant to all of them. Merlin was getting more comfortable of showing himself in whole to others.
There was still a long way to go, of course. For Merlin and for Hunith and for Arthur and for them all to get together and understand each other's. To Hunith, it seemed that she didn't have enough words, not enough understanding nor opportunities to express how much she just wanted to make her boys feel that they were loved as they were and how happy she was to have them both. How she knew they would make the best of themselves and how much good things the future could bring for them and how much she wanted to be there to protect them from all the bad that might come, however little things they would be.
While she had watched Merlin find will to actively heal himself and Hunith had found the worry that had turned her world unclear and grey lessen, she had started to see more clearly. Merlin had started to talk to her more and that certainly did help, but Hunith was also learning again to watch her son and understand and trust what was left unsaid. It felt like she had been in a mist she had grown so familiar with that she had forgotten it was there.
While the late autumn weather grew cold and unpleasant, Hunith found herself feeling that the days were more beautiful. She found things she had forgotten she had enjoyed in the past again and she gradually managed to leave the house and enjoy her own time. At first it had been just some tea at Susan's place after school, but when Merlin had told her it was alright and that he would use the opportunity and invite Gwen over, Hunith had found herself from a nice restaurant downtown with four of her school friends.
Still, it had been her therapist who commented on how chipper she looked to make Hunith pay attention to the fact that she was getting better too. Hunith's therapist was a young man who somehow managed to make sweaters seem stylish. He was thin and his hair was fashionably messy and if Hunith asked about his woollen sock he had started to wear when the weather had gotten chillier, he would tell very proudly how his girlfriend was excellent with knitting. He was a very easy person to like, but most of all, he was an excellent therapist for Hunith.
In all loss she had suffered, she had never been able to have this luxury for herself and she was grateful for every second of it. The young man who she had doubted a bit first because of his age, was nice and understanding and he could make her think everything from different angles and give her confidence. It seemed like a miracle to Hunith who had been so alone in this aspect for such a long time. The therapy made her feel that she didn't have to shoulder her problems alone, that there was someone who cared but for who she didn't have the obligation to do the same and that was very… liberating for the lack of better word.
That night Hunith came home to see Merlin baking an apple pie with Aida who was mixing something in a bowl with such concentration that she didn't even notice Hunith before she asked her what she was making. Merlin was all smile and Hunith was, not for the first time, so very happy how well he was getting along with Aida nowadays. She was good for him, Hunith was sure of that.
"I'm feeling better…" the words were out of her mouth before she really thought of them and when Merlin turned to look at her a bit puzzled but then understanding, Hunith knew that Merlin was as happy to hear that as Hunith was to see Merlin like this, happy, in a middle of their small, messy kitchen, guiding Aida who was standing on a stool so she could reach better.
"Me too." Merlin just said and something inside Hunith was lifted higher. There was no return to the grey world anymore, the shapes edge of hurt had been defeated. She could tell that from experience and when she gave her son a tender hug she knew that Merlin felt it too. It was a positive circle where they lifted each other's spirits while they felt better with themselves and their lives.
Soon, however, it was not Merlin who Hunith was the most worried about, but Arthur. He tried too much in Hunith's opinion and he took too much responsibility of himself and Merlin. Hunith tried, she really tried to talk to Arthur directly and she tried to make him relax indirectly, but she saw that it wasn't helping. She couldn't reach Arthur the way she wanted to.
She would tell Arthur to go have some fun with friends and Arthur would tell her that he wanted to be home instead. She tried to ask him to invite some friends over then, but Arthur would only invite Elyan and Gwen who Merlin was comfortable with. She gathered Arthur to listen the stories Balinor had enjoyed and Hunith had read to Merlin during his childhood now and then and Arthur did sit down and listen, but he wasn't relaxed, not really and he looked like he didn't want to be a bother. Hunith had asked if Arthur was alright and he had said that he was, never better, nothing wrong at all. She had told him how much she appreciated his help and how well he was doing in many things, but Arthur just thanked her politely and in the end, he seemed like he didn't really believe Hunith. Every time and Hunith was out of ideas.
It wasn't that she couldn't see what the problem was, for most part at least, but it didn't help her much because she alone couldn't go and erase the years of strict parenting Hunith had started to call mental abuse in her head, go away. She also couldn't force her help on Arthur, but she was determined on finding someone who could help if the situation would drag. She had now talked with Arthur once seriously not accepting the 'I'm fine' as the whole truth and while Arthur had in the end given her some explanation on how he was just feeling frustrated because their coach and because he hadn't been able to help much when Merlin had gotten a bad day, Hunith had decided to let it go after she had tried her best to assure Arthur how he had done so much already and how he was doing excellent job regardless of the coach (who she had made a complaint to the principal after listening Merlin's stories of him, but the principal hadn't been too keen on doing much because of something or another in the man's CV…). However, she was also keeping a very close eye on Arthur who was strong and independent and very used to not show any weaknesses and she would talk with him again the second she found an opening. She would not leave Arthur alone in this.
Arthur had learned to be able to tell the difference between Merlin's moods. He could now tell the difference between the panic that would lessen if Arthur took him in his arms and the panic when Merlin needed to control the space around himself, between the blank calmness and the cheerful calmness, even when Merlin was feeling uneasy because Arthur was too close and when he was too far away. That brought some much needed confidence to Arthur who had doubted about everything he had done and was doing in the late.
He had seen Merlin get better, really better. It was not even just that he was being more happy or less moody, but he was more himself, more the boy Arthur had fallen in love with and that lightened Arthur's heart in a way he hadn't even known it could. There was more life in Merlin and Arthur had seen him do things he had not been able to do just months ago. He had been prepared to be there for Merlin either way, but now that Merlin was more like himself, Arthur knew he wanted to be there.
Their relationship was also forming to be a closer one again. Merlin wasn't as uneasy around Arthur and he seemed much more comfortable being close to Arthur after he had confessed that he did want Merlin. Arthur wasn't sure how he had been able to convince Merlin that time how he was not in hurry for he had said that hundred times before and he seriously didn't know how it had helped that he had told how he wasn't interested in anyone else, but it didn't matter, Arthur took every opportunity to show Merlin that he wouldn't do anything Merlin didn't do first.
When Merlin had kissed him after he had shut the lights the day he had eaten the most interestingly decorated apple pie of his life, Arthur had felt something like learning to breath again. Merlin's hand had wandered hesitantly to rest flat on Arthur's bare chest and Arthur had entwined their finger on top of where his heart had beaten like it only could beat for Merlin.
There was so many things that Arthur could not wish to be more perfect, but as Merlin got better and Hunith too, he felt that he was being left behind somehow. Arthur was constantly ready to be there for either of them and he felt responsibility of not just himself but of Merlin and Hunith too. He couldn't relax, but he was feeling it more and more that he was constantly prepared to take care of someone who in fact, didn't need him that much anymore. And still he couldn't let go.
That Arthur could recognise the situations where he wasn't needed didn't help much. He still couldn't drop the level of awareness and it was gradually getting worse. At first he had found himself glancing a clock every other minutes when he had visited his friends and ended up going home early just so he could see Merlin. Then he had started to sit in their living room pretending to do homework when Merlin sat in their garden, wrapped in a blanket and sipping that horrid tasting liquid with lemon and ice they nowadays had in their fridge all the time.
Soon Arthur found himself from a state where he couldn't stay still if he couldn't see Merlin and that was when the questions started. 'Are you alright?' or 'Oi! Mate, where were you?' or 'Are you sure there is nothing going on?'. That had startled Arthur. Why wouldn't he be alright? Merlin seemed better than in moths and he was probably better than in years, so what could be wrong? The misplaced questions caused Arthur to go on defence and his replies soon turned from 'Uh, I'm fine?' to 'Never been better.' and finally to 'If you have time to ask stupid questions, run another lapse!'.
After the last one, it had been Merlin who had asked if Arthur wanted to talk about something. That had not gone well. Arthur had felt more than enough that he couldn't take care of Merlin as much as he would have liked and to him, Merlin asking if he was alright was the sign of failure. He had tried to hide the depressed feeling that tried to eat a bottom out of his stomach and change the subject, but Merlin hadn't let him. In the end Arthur had told Merlin to mind his own business. He wasn't sure if he had ever regretted any words that had left his mouth as much as those.
All in all, he was on the edge of something he was not familiar with at all. He did remember how he had been overwhelmed before Merlin became an important part of his life and he remembered how he had ended up on throwing stuff or yelling at their staff, but he really, really couldn't afford on doing anything like that under Hunith's roof or most important of all, to Merlin. Neither of them deserved that and besides, he had long ago passed the point where thrashing his room could reboot his system.
Apologising to Merlin and hearing him tell calmly that he was alright with it had helped some and when Arthur had been able to take Merlin to window shop some Christmas presents and then to a cafe, he had hoped he would make it to the Christmas holidays and maybe then he could just concentrate on Merlin and build some new strength for the next year. But he was on a thin ice so it was no surprise that even a small misfortune or setback could throw him completely off his game. When the said setback came, it resulted on Arthur having a very bad day.
The first snow fell on the first of december. Arthur and Merlin walked to school just so they could enjoy how everything was white and soft for a moment and in the middle of their way, Merlin took Arthur's hand and laughed while telling how Will had complained how their village was already drowning in wet slosh and how they had remembered some good old times when they had tried to push one another to the very much same slosh just to annoy the hell out of their parents. Arthur had laughed at Merlin's stories and only when they had reached the school had Merlin let go of his hand.
That day Arthur had smiled more than he usually did and when Merlin had warned him before lunch that Vivian was in a bad mood, Arthur had actually gone to eat with Elyan instead of Merlin even if he had eaten with his mates yesterday. Somewhere between morning and lunch he had been able to shed some of the tension he had carried around with him and that made him feel light headed and happy.
In the evening Arthur had been cheerful and Hunith had smiled at him in a way that made Arthur feel very much at home, like she understood him. That had given him strength to pick up his phone and call to Morgana. It wasn't the first time and Morgana had even answered him after the second try, but talking to her was much like holding breath. The first minute or so was fine, but the second minute started to feel hard and uncomfortable and the third felt like he could lose consciousness if he didn't end the call and fast. It wasn't that Morgana was really mean and she hadn't yelled at Arthur like when they had met, but they stayed on very, very safe topics and Morgana never called Arthur. It was always up to him and it was very taxing to say the least. Morgana didn't pick up this time, but Arthur was glad that he had called, Morgana had never failed to answer to him more than two times a row.
That night Arthur had fallen asleep feeling cosy and comfortable Merlin leaning to his embrace, his arm around Merlin's waist, but there had been something, an uneasiness that came with being relaxed after such a long time and when he woke up in the morning, Arthur was not sure if he was feeling fine or not. Merlin left early to swim with Gwen and for the first time in weeks Arthur was actually happy to be left behind. He had quite nice breakfast with Hunith and the saturday was quiet and just generally nice, so Arthur didn't need to really address the feeling that the alertness he had lived with had not been replaced with anything, that he felt… empty and a maybe a bit defeated in a very peculiar way. But then came sunday and after that, monday.
The fourth of December and monday, the first snow had melted and over the sunday Arthur had come to a conclusion that he would need to work like a man possessed if he wanted to get grades he would be comfortable on presenting to Hunith. He had tried to catch some of the cursed chemistry the whole evening after PE plus football combination which always made him sleepy. Running around for five hours practically in a row was not a picnic. But when it had been the time to sleep, Arthur had felt a bit too awake to do just that and if he knew that he would be tired tomorrow, it certainly didn't help that he woke up in small hours when Merlin started to toss and turn in his sleep.
Normally Arthur would have stressed of what to do, but for once he just sighed and tried to take Merlin to his arms so he would wake up feeling safe. He didn't quite have the concentration he normally had and so he just shushed and tried to talk to Merlin in calming tone as Merlin started to struggle against him, still eyes closed. It was as if there was syrup inside of Arthur's head and he couldn't quite comprehend what he was seeing, but soon Merlin started to scream. That made Arthur panic.
He tried to hold Merlin stronger and he practically yelled that it was just him, but just when Hunith opened their bedroom door and Arthur was about to ask her for help, Merlin swung his arm and managed to hit Arthur in the face. It hurt, not just physically (Merlin was a lot stronger nowadays) but mentally. He had made a mistake and he could just watch Merlin stubble out of the bed and cling to his mother when he let go.
Hunith managed to calm Merlin down, but Merlin still slept on their couch that night. He also rose up to get water or whatever at least ten times during the night. Arthur knew, he hadn't been able to sleep either.
When Arthur woke up the last time at half past five, his head hurt and he wanted nothing more than to stay home and talk with Merlin to make sure they were still alright, but when Merlin rose up and just glanced at his direction before looking down and disappearing to their closet, Arthur's courage to ask Merlin about last night grumbled into nothingness.
They drove to school because, as always, the first snow had turned into a rain and today it was raining heavy, cold drops that made puddles where they found an uneven patch of asphalt. The ride to school was too short to even think of starting a conversation and the school day was filled with stress and worry of his grades alongside the stubborn headache and Merlin who seemingly tried but couldn't look him in the eye.
He didn't even manage it to the lunch before the first question of what had happened to his face came. It was Elyan who looked at him strangely as soon as he sat next to him. "Nothing…" Arthur mumbled. In the morning he had had a shadow of a forming bruise on the bridge of his nose, but it shouldn't look so bad, right? Elyan didn't ask again and so Arthur assumed that it didn't indeed look as bad as it felt, but when he was done with warm up with his team in the afternoon, he realised that it was just that Elyan knew him well enough not to pry if Arthur mood was like it was today.
"Who mate! What is that?", "You hit on a wrong girl or something?", "Maybe you should show that to the nurse…?" seemed to be the most constant type of things said to him after half an hour of trying to concentrate on giving a damn if the team learned the new strategy he had wanted to try out or not. When Oliver asked the third time if Arthur had gotten into a fight over a pretty girl, Arthur just snapped. He said some pretty unfair things while basically telling everyone to forget whatever they found so damn interested in his face.
That had stopped the questioning, but instead of horrified silence he had met the last time he had snapped to the team, this time Arthur felt like his teammates were taking a pity of him. That wouldn't do. He needed to be above them. If not really in a personal level, but here, in the practices he needed to be so he could control the team and make them better. He had to and losing that control felt horrible. It felt like a rug had been pulled under his feet and most importantly he felt like he had let the team down. He did something he never did and dismissed the team almost ten minutes early. When he was finally standing under a shower, Arthur just wished he would not have to come to school tomorrow or preferably ever.
On his way to his locker, Arthur made a mistake of looking at a mirror that was placed in between the showers and the bathroom Merlin usually changed in. His face looked hideous. His nose was swollen and the bridge was red and purple on the edges making a thin line of red under his left eye. No wonder his head hurt.
Arthur changed fast, angry how stupidly dramatic his body was to show such clear markings on his face. When he was ready, his mouth already formed an 'm' for 'Merlin, lets go!', just to realise that Merlin was nowhere to be seen. By the time Arthur was ready, Merlin was usually sitting next to Arthur's locker waiting for him, but not today and that made Arthur feel devastated, worried, sad… he feared that Merlin was truly fed up with him now that he had failed to take care of him last night, but when Pellinor was suddenly standing before him, asking if he was alright, it all turned into annoyance.
"Yes, all is splendid." He said with more sarcasm than he normally used in a week combined, took his stuff and walked past his teammate. He didn't stop before he reached his car. Merlin could walk for all he cared at the moment and he drove off.
Home felt to be too near, so Arthur drove to the cliff he had taken Merlin to drink the red wine what felt like ages ago. He looked at the same scenery feeling so many feelings. He had liked how the area he had lived looked like and in a way he still liked the scenery, but the sight of his old home just repulsed him. He could see the beautiful sunset overlapping the grey rain that covered the sky right now and he could almost hear Merlin tell how Arthur was his best friend too even if he wasn't there.
Before he even knew what he was doing, Arthur had opened the door of his car and walked just a bit closer to the cliff. He took his cell phone out and chose Merlin's number. He somehow felt that Merlin would appear if he just gave him a signal that he wanted him here right now, but Merlin didn't pick up. It hurt, so much. Was he not picking up because he was angry about last night? Maybe not, the much more plausible explanation was that Merlin was mad at him for leaving him to walk home in this awful weather that had soaked Arthur in those two minutes he had been standing outside of his car. Best friend… he had left his best friend in rain after ignoring him most of the day after scaring him at night.
He drove home then. He felt angry at himself and desperate to see Merlin again. On a moment's impulse he tried to call Morgana again even if he had no idea of what he could say to her, but she didn't pick up. When he walked in their home he found it empty. Hunith was at school and Merlin just was not there. Arthur checked everywhere from garden to their closet and even Hunith's room, but he was not there. Close to a panic Arthur tried to call Merlin again before he stormed out of the house to drive back to school and when he didn't find anything else than the already locked gym door, he drove to Gwaine's store as fast as possible.
"Well hello! I see now why Merlin was in such a hurry." Gwaine greeted Arthur when he flung the door open. Arthur could just stare for he had no idea of what Gwaine was talking about, but he felt like all of his insides had just shattered, he was just so relieved to hear Gwaine mention Merlin right away. That meant he had to be alright, didn't it?
"The painkillers, they were for you, right." Gwaine continued when Arthur didn't reply. 'Painkillers?' was the question Arthur's brain decided to focus on and it seemed that Gwaine was more than capable of reading his expressions for he circled around his counter looking serious now and placed his hand on Arthur's shoulder to guide him to his kitchen. "You seem cold, do you want anything to drink?" He asked and Arthur just let himself to be seated to a chair next to an oven. There was a carrot cake baking.
"Anything that is warm." Arthur found himself saying and Gwaine nodded. "Watch for the store, I'll be right back." He said and Arthur found his mood being lifted just a notch because Gwaine seemed to think he was reliable enough to take responsible of his livelihood. With given task Arthur started to almost feel like he could collect himself, but Gwaine came back too soon carrying two bootless and a jar. One of the bottles looked very much like a bottle of wine and Arthur eyed it very suspiciously.
"Don't worry, I'll boil it and it won't have any alcohol left." Gwaine said sounding just a bit amused when he noticed how serious Arthur looked. "You sure…?" Arthur didn't want to let Hunith down in this too after all this. Hunith who had been so nice to him even if Arthur had failed in some very basic things lately. Like the school, why had he let the school work suffer like this…?
Gwaine nodded starting to feel very weird seeing Arthur this out of shape. He wished he had tried more for the boy. "It's my mother's recipe. She makes it at wintertime." Gwaine told him while concentrating on measuring what seemed like juice and wine and spices to a kettle. "If I remember anything about Merlin's ramblings, I'm pretty sure that alcohol boils before water does." Gwaine said with a light tone while stirring whatever that was he was making. Arthur didn't seem like he would react well if he started to sound pitying.
"At 78 decrees." Arthur muttered feeling extremely cold in his soaked clothes. "Yep, something like that." Gwaine just replied and continued stirring. He poured a mug for himself at some point but Arthur only got one when the contents had boiled. The beverage was nice. Arthur liked the scent of spices and he liked the taste that was not overly sweet, but not bitter like wine was.
"Mother calls is spiced wine. She has this german friend who taught to make this when they were in uni and we have it every winter. You will have to ask her of it's origin." Gwaine told when Arthur asked what it was. It made him warm and he liked the taste so Arthur hoped he could have this again. He wondered if Hunith would make some if she had the recipe.
Soon Arthur was feeling better. He wasn't cold anymore and Gwaine's easy company and interest in him made him feel like a human being again, but when he didn't have to focus on his own discomfort anymore, Merlin came flooding in his mind. It was like his conscious thinking had been switched on forcefully. It felt like a rush of feelings and forced Arthur to the mode where he had to be strong again, even if his body felt soft and reluctant to move at the moment.
"So you have seen Merlin?" He asked interrupting Gwaine in a middle of him asking something Arthur had totally missed. "Yep, he came just before five and bought some ibuprofen and juice. I would guess that it was for you." Gwaine replied and looked pointedly at Arthur's forehead. It felt a bit embarrassing at first and then a brain cell found another in Arthur's quite dissociated mind. Merlin had gone to buy him some pain relief and that was why he hadn't been there, he had no way of knowing that Arthur had been ready early.
"I have to go." Arthur just stated and left the rest of his beverage on the counter next to him. Gwaine just nodded approvingly, but before Arthur had managed to exit the small kitchen, Gwaine was talking again. "Whatever has happened, talk with Merlin. You really don't have to take this all alone. That is the point of a relationship."
Arthur had to turn to look at Gwaine and he almost blurted out that he needed help, that he had no idea what he was doing and that he couldn't take it anymore. Gwaine looked sincere and honest, but still Arthur held his tongue. He didn't think he should get any comfort right now. He had done wrong on leaving Merlin like that.
"I have free time next sunday. Come by if you feel like it." Gwaine said before Arthur could react to anything he was feeling and he just nodded. In a way he wanted to tell that it was alright, that he wouldn't come, but there was this feeling that he liked and admired Gwaine and he wanted to spend some time with him. Maybe if he managed to make this alright, Merlin would come with him too. "Ok, see you then." Arthur said before he walked across the shop and dived to the rain once more. He felt a bit weak for accepting the offer, but what was done, was done. He would see Gwaine on sunday.
He again drove to home ready to call Gaius if Merlin wasn't home, but the first thing he saw was Merlin's wet coat hanging in their doorway. It sent waves of relief down his spine, but also a bit of fear. Which kind of Merlin he would see? Would he be angry? Or what if he was just normal, not affected at all? Or would he tell him how disappointed he was? Now that Arthur knew Merlin was home, it felt very tempting just not go up to their room and delay their meeting, but he knew he couldn't do that.
When he opened the door to their room, Merlin was sitting on the floor, leaning to their couch a pot of tea in front of him. He looked up as soon as he heard the door open. "There's a bath ready for you." Merlin said and looked him in the eye for the first time today. Or had it been Arthur who had kept his gaze in his textbooks and teachers the whole day?
Arthur had no idea of how to react so he just nodded and turned to go into their bathroom. The bath was indeed drawn and there was even a fresh pile of clothes for Arthur. It felt so detached of the rest of the day that Arthur just felt his mind go blank. He had no mental energy to try and summon any thoughts he should probably think through before he would talk with Merlin.
It was only when Arthur climbed out of the blissfully warm bath that he started to feel again. Merlin was just behind this thin door and he would have to explain his behaviour and he really didn't have anything. This was too hard for him. In this house, Arthur was always included and lately, it had started to feel suffocating. Much like now, he didn't have time, he just had to do the right thing, say the right words and be strong all the time. It wasn't enough that he showed results at the end of the day, he couldn't afford to stumble in the middle too. Not when Hunith and Merlin paid so much attention to him. That Hunith had been telling him how proud she was of him, didn't help. Arthur felt that they were empty compliments to soothe him and that made him feel like he was fishing for them. Now he would have to face Merlin and keep himself from turning to a pathetic pile of mess who pleaded that Merlin would forget this day and give him another chance.
When he finally opened the door to their room, Merlin was still sitting in the same position. He turned to look at Arthur and just smiled a bit. Arthur found himself walking in the direction of Merlin and soon he was sitting next to him a tea mug in his hand. From somewhere a blanket appeased and Arthur curled to it. How could his body feel so good while his mind was going in circles of fear and unsureness?
"Here, it should help with your headache." Merlin said quietly and Arthur took a white pill from his hand. "Thanks" he was able to mutter before he swallowed the pill with the tea that had been placed in his hand. Some childish part of him thought that it would affect immediately and when if didn't, he felt disappointed.
"I tried to call you…" He mumbled at Merlin who was sitting by him quietly, he tried to justify his actions even a little bit. "My cellphone is in your car…" Merlin answered calmly and Arthur wanted to bang his head to a wall. Of course, Merlin had a habit of leaving his cell in Arthur's car if they drove to school. Why hadn't he thought about that?! He would have noticed if he had tried to call Merlin while driving, but of course he hadn't. "I didn't think of that…" He muttered ashamed.
Merlin just smiled at him looking amused. "It's not like I can't get home myself. And besides I got a lift from Elyan even if I guess I would have deserved to walk for punching you like that…" He said quietly and touched Arthur's forehead with his fingertips making their way to Arthur's nose and side of the face. His fingertips felt warm and Arthur found himself closing his eyes. It was bliss how Merlin was sitting next to him and caressing his face, but Arthur started to feel stupid on top of feeling guilty even if it started to seem that Merlin wasn't going anywhere. He remembered Gwaine's words of how he should talk with Merlin, but he just couldn't make himself do that right now.
They heard Hunith come home after a while complaining about the weather and asking Merlin where his cellphone was. She had tried to call him to put some potatoes to boil. Merlin said he was sorry and that he would go to do it now. Hunith sounded tired and Arthur suspected that she also hadn't slept well last night. Arthur wondered if Hunith thought it was his fault. Normally things didn't escalate like they had last night. Normally Hunith wouldn't need to sit with his son on the floor for half an hour in the middle of the night for Arthur could handle Merlin himself mostly. He didn't follow Merlin downstairs and he wished Hunith wouldn't come upstairs to see him, he felt the same he had felt of facing Merlin just moments ago.
After he had been left alone to listen Merlin and Hunith starting to cook, Arthur's thoughts started to circle around his head. He felt frustrated and he was gradually becoming more angry that sorry for himself. Why did he have to do so much all the time? The school, the team, Merlin, everyone asking him to tell what he felt all the time… Why couldn't he just do everything by himself in a big enough house where he couldn't even hear if someone was home or not and then hear he had done well by for example listening Hunith comment on it to her friend over a phone when she didn't know Arthur was listening? That had worked well enough all his life. He recognised that it had not been healthy and that it shouldn't feel like a better option compared to all he had now, but it was the way he had been raised.
He suddenly felt like his age again and the feelings that had been buried under his mission to do everything right, surfaced. He wasn't adult, so why was all this mess on his shoulders? Adults hadn't noticed anything and it had been an adult who had made Merlin like this and him also. He was so angry at his father all over again and he felt shame that they were related once more. He buried his face in the blanket he now hugged close to his chest. He should be better than this. He should be the strong one and protect Merlin. He should be able to appreciate all the care and love Hunith had given to him. That much he knew, but he just couldn't do it. He was too weak after all.
It was still raining outside and the weather had turned windy, but Arthur just wanted to get out. He changed to his running clothes and just yelled from the doorway that he was going out for a jog. He heard Hunith protest, but he paid it no mind and just ran as fast as he could to the park so Hunith couldn't have time to yell him back from the doorway.
He ran and ran, but it didn't help like it usually did. The rain was cold and the wind made it hard to see where he was going. Or maybe he had tears in his eyes. It was hard to tell when there was a constant bucketful of water coming to his face combined with a wind that was stronger it had looked through window.
At some point he noted that the food had probably been ready for a while now, but he still didn't want to go back home. In the end his legs hurt in a way Arthur knew he would regret tomorrow. He wanted to stop, but he felt too cold if he as much as slowed down his pace. Finally he stopped just for a while to see where exactly he was and he noticed that he was at least half an hour run from home. Excellent. He didn't even have his cell with him (which was a relieve in a way, because otherwise it would have soaked by now) He didn't really want to face Hunith or Merlin even now, but he still took the shortest road towards home. He didn't want to freeze to death either.
It was getting dark when he saw the edge of the park again. He faltered a while and slowed his pace to a walking when he saw a red umbrella he knew very well. Merlin was standing next to the road Arthur usually took when he left and came back from his jog. He had his thickest coat and rubber boots on. He was hugging himself with his other arm and keeping the umbrella steady with the other, his fingers barely peeking from inside of his sleeve and Arthur immediately forgot his own dilemma. How long had Merlin been standing here? Wasn't he cold? He looked cold...
Arthur jogged to Merlin who looked up when he heard Arthur's footsteps. He smiled brightly at Arthur who forgot everything else and just felt guilty for making Merlin stand here for him. How many times was he going to do this today?
"Merlin! What are you doing here?" He asked even if the answer was quite obvious. Merlin looked at him with no accusation in his gaze, just a small smile. Like he was just relieved Arthur was back. "Did you know you have been gone for almost two hours?" He asked. Arthur didn't. Had it been that long? That certainly explained why his legs felt like they were made of lead.
"I-" He tried, but Merlin just placed his hand on Arthur's cheek silencing him. "Just come inside. You will catch a cold." He said and Arthur had to nod at him. Merlin's hand felt almost painfully hot against his cold skin. Merlin kept covering him with his umbrella the whole way even if Arthur felt it a bit pointless seeing how he was already wet, but he said nothing. Just concentrated to Merlin's warm fingers that had now curled around Arthur's uncommonly cold ones.
When they opened the door, Hunith came running to the entrance. Arthur was sure she would be mad at him, yell at him maybe and tell how disappointed she was, but instead Hunith embraced him tightly. "Oh, how cold you are! Go to a warm shower and put something warm on. I'll heat you something to eat… And your face… Merlin told me, but my dear it must hurt. Did the medicine help at all?"
Arthur felt like the bottom of all he had worked so hard for had been dropped. It felt strange and frustrating and unpleasant and just so incredibly good at the same time. What had he missed in his childhood when he had not had a parent like Hunith? He suddenly saw everything in his life that had gone to be better living with just Merlin and Hunith. He had more freedom. He had more choice. He had someone to be proud of him when he worked hard for the choices he had made himself and most of all, he was loved. When Hunith had kept asking how he was and when she had complimented him, she had really meant it. No-one had asked him to be anything else than himself and certainly not told him that he was responsible of everything around him. It had all been inside of his head and in a way, he had known it all along. He suddenly understood why people had been asking him if he was alright.
After the third shower of the day, Arthur's body felt warm and tired and his mood was starting to match to it. Merlin kept smiling at him and he and Hunith had sat with Arthur as he ate. They had talked about this and that with a light feeling making Arthur feel more at home than ever. It was as if somehow he had been able to get something heavy out of his heart and now he could see more clearly how his family- yes, his family- saw him and where he stood. Even when Hunith told him to never go out like that and making her worry, Arthur just felt the love behind her words. He wondered if his mother had been like this also. He made a mental note to ask Morgana next time he talked to her.
The bed felt like the softest cotton in the world and the way gravitation pulled him into the matters was definite. Arthur would not rise up before tomorrow. It was only eight o'clock, but he felt that he had no chance to make it awake till ten or even nine. Still, he couldn't really sleep. He was so sore. His muscles hurt in a way that screamed 'No warm up! No stretching!' and his head also hurt again. The second painkiller Hunith had made him take had not taken effect yet.
To his surprise, Merlin climbed to sit next to him and started to massage Arthur's thighs gently. That felt incredibly good and Arthur moaned with no control of himself. Merlin chuckled lightly and Arthur didn't really even care. What he cared was that he didn't have to move and that he felt how Merlin's weight dipped the matters next to him. He had no sense of pride to nurture at this point. The warmth and the slow movements of Merlin's hands soon made him lose his sense of time. It was almost like falling asleep, but somehow better.
"Does your head still hurt?" Merlin asked braking Arthur's trance. "A bit…" He said feeling his voice hoarse, like he hadn't used it the whole day. His face actually looked worse than it felt now, but Arthur saw no need to deny that it hurt anymore. "I didn't mean to… " Merlin said regret thick in his voice and the light tone gone. Arthur opened his eyes and looked straight at Merlin. It needed more effort than it had any right to need. "I should have let you go sooner… it was my fault." He said and turned his head to face another direction. Admitting that he had made a mistake out loud was not something he was accustomed on doing.
"And how were you supposed to know exactly what to do? I had no idea what I was doing." Merlin commented immediately. It was so very tempting to play along and deny that he had been the one at fault, but Arthur couldn't be a person who did those kind of things so he said what he felt was closer to the truth instead "I usually do! I should have watched you better. I should have..." He wasn't even sure what, but just something.
"Of course you shouldn't. To me it feels like a miracle that you know most of the time what makes me calm down. Sometimes I have even told you to do the opposite and then you still manage to show me that I was the one who was wrong. Seriously. And it wasn't even that bad a dream. I just couldn't seem to wake up." Merlin cut Arthur's speech and moved to massage the other leg. Merlin's hands were extremely distracting and his words made Arthur really think. It was very calming, that Merlin seemed to believe in him even if he himself couldn't.
"What kind of a dream it was?" He asked slowly. He wanted to hear more of what Merlin thought about this all, of him. Merlin looked a bit ashamed with himself. "It was just something stupid. Don't worry about it." He said not looking at Arthur. This of course stirred Arthur's curiosity. "What do you mean? Tell me, I want to know…" He asked forgetting for once to feel ashamed of being close to begging. Merlin looked at him with a face that told Arthur it wasn't something he wanted to share, but there was something here… like they could really get closer or move apart right now and Arthur really only had one way to go to.
Merlin sighed when Arthur didn't let him of his gaze. "Alright. I saw a dream where you were forcing yourself on me in the middle of the school while everyone was watching. It's not like I think it would really happen and it's not what happened in the dream, it's just that I panicked when I couldn't get away. I don't know… it's all blur and I remember hearing mother's voice and I only remembered where and who I am after I really woke up. Then I was already sitting on the floor and my elbow hurt. I didn't- it was stupid." Merlin sounded frustrated with himself. Arthur could kind of understand the part of Merlin really being asleep and he could see how Merlin's movements had been fueled by the feel of the dream rather than Arthur's failed attempt to calm him down, but he felt a bang in his heart. Merlin had seen this kind of dreams… no wonder he hadn't believed that Arthur wouldn't do anything.
"I wouldn't do that…" He said quietly. He felt horrible. "I know. It was just a dream." Merlin said firmly and moved to massage the first leg again. There was something in Merlin's gaze that was impossible to look away from so Arthur kept staring at his eyes. Merlin looked at him with seriousness and something that Arthur couldn't really name, but it felt that right now Merlin was the one of them that knew what he was doing, that he would take care of Arthur and explain what he needed to know. So when Merlin lowered himself to hug Arthur, something crumbled inside of Arthur and he hugged Merlin back with naked desperation. He needed Merlin and he was there. It meant so much to Arthur.
"I really don't think anything of it. I was just more asleep than awake at the time… I trust you and I know nothing like that will happen in real life." Merlin spoke gently but firmly to Arthur's hair and Arthur hugged him tighter. Something like a breath or a sob escaped his lips and Merlin rose his head just enough to see his face. He must have still looked unsure because Merlin shook him a little to make him look at his eyes again.
"Hey, Arthur, love, I love you and I trust you. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to make you think otherwise. It's not like you are the only one either… I have seen dreams of almost everyone I know to either hate me or rape me or hunt me down or any combination of those… but you have always been there for me to make me remember that there is life outside of all this. Never forget that." Merlin told him waving his hand around his head indicating that 'this' was inside of his head. Arthur felt torn in between feeling sad of what Merlin told him and feeling relieved that it was not only him. It slowly started to become clear to him that right now, Merlin was taking care of him and not the other way around. It should have felt more like a failure than anything else, but actually, it was mostly just perfect, right somehow.
"You know some days I feel afraid of mostly everything, but when I can see you or know that you are nearby, I always trust that nothing bad can happen. But sometimes it feels like I'm not really with you… that maybe I'm just a charity case or you do this all because of obligation… I- I don't want to see you so- I just want to see you feel just a little bit like I do…" Merlin continued and Arthur could hear how sad Merlin was to describe himself like this. And more so, he himself didn't want to hear it like this, but he knew that this was exactly what he had done to their relationship. He had tried to be a protector, an authority for Merlin in order to be reliable and strong in Merlin's eyes, but that wasn't how they were supposed to be. He wanted to just be in love with Merlin.
"How long did you wait in the rain?" He asked. It didn't seem enough just to tell Merlin that he wasn't a charity case. He needed to show Merlin how much him just existing meant to him. Merlin shrugged his shoulders "About an hour… We hoped you would come back before the dinner was ready, but when we had eaten some, I told mother that I would go to look for you."
An hour… that felt like a mace had hit Arthur's chest. He hadn't thought it had been that long, Merlin hadn't shown any signs he had been standing outside that long and a picture of Merlin standing under his umbrella flashed in his mind. Merlin really had been cold…
"You really shouldn't have…" Not for him and especially when he had ran out like that. "How else I would have known you were coming back?" Merlin asked and stroked Arthur's temple with his thumb just a bit hesitantly. "Besides… I know it sounds selfish, but it was nice to see that I'm not the only one who makes mistakes here…"
"To me you never make mistakes. You have been taking care of me all the time. You never let me get away with things so you made me a better person even when we were still 14 or 15…" Arthur saw an opportunity to tell what he had wanted to and even if he had never thought it like this, he knew it was the truth. He wondered if he had ever told this to Merlin before.
Merlin looked at him surprised and then he smiled at Arthur brightly. "Really?" He asked sounding happy with himself and Arthur knew that right now, they were in the same wavelength. Right now he could speak to Merlin and he would believe him. And apparently he hadn't told what had been so important to him to Merlin before.
"Yeah… At first I thought that it made you my best friend… Maybe you still are, in a way." he told Merlin a bit excited of how he had found a way to describe how he had felt for years. That made Merlin look like a sun and Arthur blushed a little. He wasn't sure if he was worth that kind of smile right now, but he believed in it. Merlin really loved him. "I love you." He said and reached for Merlin to kiss him.
It was a slow and tender kiss that didn't go any deeper than that, but it was all they needed at the moment. Kissing Merlin like this wasn't an act of want or lust, it was the most intimate way of telling him things neither of them had words for. Merlin held Arthur's gaze for a while before he pressed their foreheads together for few seconds and pulled a blanket that for once didn't feel too hot to cover Arthur.
"You should sleep now. I don't want you to get sick." He said gently and Arthur yawned. He was so tired… "Will you come to visit Gwaine with me on sunday?" he mumbled with his last coherent thought. He didn't see it, but Merlin looked at him highly amused. "Sure, I'll call him and ask if it's alright." was the last thing Arthur heard before he fell asleep.
The next day dawned slowly to Arthur. He was quite sure he had a dim memory of Merlin getting up just a minute ago, but when he opened his eyes, Merlin's side of the bed was cold and made and it was far too bright outside to be morning.
Arthur leaped up from his bed after his sleepy eyes found Merlin's alarm clock. It was past ten already. His head hurt and his nose was blocked and he felt far too cold, but he was late from school! Why hadn't Merlin woken him up? Had Hunith left early? He hoped so. Was there any way to hide that he had missed two hours of school already and was about to miss at least most of the third one?
Arthur gave up on finding himself socks and he just threw the shirt he had wore yesterday across his shoulder, hung his bag with his teeth and pulled his pants on while he made his way to downstairs. He had no time to take all the books he needed and he just hoped he had left some clothes he could use in football to his locker. To his utter surprise Hunith was downstairs and came to meet him just when he managed to get his belt on at the end of the stairs.
"Arthur… what are you doing?" She asked with honest surprise in her voise and Arthur believed that he himself looked like a madman storming around like he was. "Why didn't you wake me up? I'm late." He asked accusation in his voice even if he wasn't sure anymore for what. It wasn't like Hunith was trying to get him into trouble with herself…
"Merlin woke me up half past four to tell you have a fever and you certainly do. You are not going to school today." Hunith said slowly but surely. There was no room for argument in Hunith's tone. The first thing Arthur felt was relief, he wasn't late after all and nobody was mad at him for being a disappointment, but his conscious thinking still asked him 'Seriously? I'm not that sick…' He had always gone to school if he wasn't in danger of dying of his illness.
"Now, put your shirt on before you get any worse. Merlin will be very disappointed with the both of us if that happens." Hunith continued and made her way to the kitchen. She put a kettle on and took something from the fridge. "Merlin made you this. Come here and sit down. I'll make you some tea."
Arthur walked to the kitchen feeling very out of place and sat down not believing what he saw or heard. Hunith was still home, Merlin was at school and he had made Arthur breakfast. One look out of the window told him that the weather was the same as it had been yesterday and yet Merlin must had walked to the school. That didn't sit right with Arthur, but it was already too late for that and he could just swear that he would pick Merlin up from school.
Soon his eyes were torn off the window when Hunith first placed a plate of toast, ham and egg decorated with some lettuce and two slice of tomatoes in front of him. It was followed with a glass of orange juice and a small bowl of sliced apple. Arthur looked at Hunith questioningly and Hunith looked a bit amused. "Yes, Merlin even poured the juice ready for you. The tea he asked me to make because it would 'get cold' as he said." she said and Arthur answered the amused look. He would have made fun of Merlin a bit, but he was just so ridiculously happy that he really couldn't bother.
The toast was fridge cold, but to Arthur it all felt warm. He soon realised he was supposed to pile up the lettuce and the tomatoes under the ham and lastly the egg on the toast. They had been arranged clockwise after all. Only his Merlin would assume someone would get this kind of logic, but it made an odd sense to Arthur. Hunith placed a mug of tea in front of him and sat across the table to keep him company. Like she had nothing better to do and Arthur had to ask "How come you are still home?"
Hunith looked at him surprised "To take care of you of course. I took a day off…" Arthur looked at her equally surprised. "Why?" Uther had never stayed home to take care of him or Morgana even when they had been really sick. Like that one time Arthur had had ear infection or when Morgana had had pneumonia. He had just paid a doctor or/and a nurse to stay with them and left to work like normally.
"But your school-" He started hearing in his ears all the reasons his father had told why he never abused work for anything, but Hunith didn't want to hear any of it. "Can wait. I have to take care of you now. Even if you are acting responsible most of the time, you are still my boy and my responsibility and I want to be here to make sure that you are alright."
That was the last thing he would ever need to reassure him that Hunith was his family. His heart melt and the corners of his mouth started to rise. He was allowed to be taken care off. Hunith was here for him and he valued him over her school. It felt so good. "Thank you…." He said and Hunith smiled at him warmly and patted Arthur's arm gently. "No need to thank me. You have done more than enough for me and for my son. I'm sorry I have placed so much responsibility on your shoulders."
Arthur shook his head. Nothing he had done had been even a portion of what Hunith and Merlin had meant to him and he it hadn't been Hunith who had made him feel responsible. "I didn't want you to be disappointed in me…" He said feeling more vulnerable than he had with any adult before.
Hunith looked at his eyes looking confused for a second, but then she seemed to understand something Arthur didn't get himself yet. "Oh… Arthur, you can not disappoint me. You are very dear to me." Hunith said sounding almost sad. Arthur wasn't sure if he should place the remains of his toast to the plate for it felt a bit silly to keep talking with Hunith like this while a drop of egg yolk was slowly dripping towards his fingers, but it also felt impolite to make any kind of movement while Hunith looked so serious.
"But I'm not your son… what if I did something wrong or… what if me and Merlin didn't work out?" He needed to know, it had bothered him and it had not dared to ask, but especially the last part frightened him. It hurt to even say aloud the possibility that maybe he and Merlin would break up. And then he wouldn't even have a home.
"Your and Merlin's relationship is separate of our relationship and I know you, you wouldn't do anything 'wrong' in the sense you mean it. Everyone make mistakes, but you have to trust me that I will forgive you for them." Hunith said firmly taking a hold of Arthur's forearm.
"But I'm not that good! Like I used to be… before, I haven't done all my school work and I left Merlin in the rain yesterday and-" Arthur felt somehow tragic, maybe it was the flu that made him feel this miserable, but Hunith didn't let him finish. "Arthur, you are a very fine, I would dare to say, man and I want you to understand that to me, you do have responsibilities and one of them is to go to school and do your best, but by 'best' I don't mean that you have to sacrifice everything else in order to get the best grades. They hold very little meaning to me. What however does, is that you will have doors open and a successful life meaning that you will not have to regret what you didn't do when you had the chance."
The words seemed familiar, but to Arthur, Hunith could as well have been speaking chinese. "But I can get the best grades! You have seen that. I just have to study more and Merlin…" He tried to get Hunith to understand him even if he could almost remember that if Hunith understood from where he was coming from, she could still be disappointed in him and disappointment… he just now realised how that was the one thing he couldn't cope with.
"Love, I have seen you excel in everything you do and I have no doubt that you couldn't do that again, but you have used all of yourself to do that, you need time for yourself, for your friends, for what you like to do and now, for your relationship with Merlin too. Being the best is not everything. It's not like you are doing anything wrong if you are not the best all the time." Hunith said things Arthur had wanted to hear most of his life, but even now he had trouble believing them.
"I left Merlin to walk in the rain…" He said weakly feeling that he was running out of arguments and he wanted to run out of them so he had to say every last of them out loud. "To me, Merlin told how he got a ride with Elyan because Gwen wanted to show him something and they had ended up taking longer than he had thought and he had totally forgotten how his cell was in your car… But you must see how often you do this kind of story telling for each others. Merlin was fine, his coat is still wet and he is very much sorry that he hurt you, but apart form that, his concern of the day was if you would like a toast or pancakes better when you woke up." Hunith said still seriously, but Arthur could see she was… not making fun of him exactly, but close to it. Arthur bowed his head in attempt of hiding a snort of laughter he couldn't suppress.
"If you and Merlin had a fight, I have a feeling you already talked it through and I want you to know that I will not take sides. There are some things that are just between you two." Hunith continued and to Arthur it seemed unreal how she seemed to know everything. How was she always able to do the right thing when he himself wasn't?
"It wasn't a fight… I was irritated because my head hurt and Merlin went to get me some painkillers and I just… left. I didn't know where he was… " He tried to explain, but his reasons felt even more stupid than yesterday. Still Hunith looked at him kindly. "I see… So a misunderstanding then. I hope you will be able to ask before acting, but that is not for this minute, right now I want you to finish your breakfast and get back to bed."
Arthur looked at the remaining of his breakfast and made sure to eat every single bite of it. Merlin had done that all to him after all. When Hunith came to tuck him in, Arthur let himself feel that he hadn't done wrong after all and there was a stubborn smile in his lips even after Hunith had closed the door telling that she would be downstairs if Arthur would need anything.
Arthur woke up exactly when the school served lunch and when he asked, Hunith told him she would make something light for Arthur to eat. "Could you make chicken soup?" Arthur asked on impulse. He had heard his friends complain on how the only thing they got to eat when sick was chicken soup and he wanted to try being sick like normal kids were.
"I don't have chicken, will you be alright if I pop to a store quickly?" Hunith asked and Arthur nodded and assured that he would be alright almost a bit too quickly, but Hunith didn't comment on it. Arthur waited patiently in bed and listened Hunith come home and start to prepare the soup downstairs. When the soup was ready, Hunith suggested Arthur could take his blanket and eat in their living room couch.
Needless to say, Arthur didn't even remember he was sick while he sipped creamy chicken soup from a mug and watched some daytime tv with Hunith. At some point he must have fallen asleep because he woke up when Merlin came home. It was like Hunith and Merlin had a silent agreement and Merlin took care of Arthur from then on. He gave Arthur notes of not just schoolwork but of football practices too. He made Arthur tea and snacks whenever he wanted and he kept asking if Arthur was warm enough.
Gwaine visited them late in the evening giving Arthur some of his old magazines and telling him to get better. "I already am." Arthur said and he knew Gwaine understood that he didn't mean his cold. "That's good to hear. I would hope I won't catch anything then when you visit me on sunday." He said with a grin. Arthur rolled his eyes at him knowing that he wouldn't be taken seriously. They all talked for a while before Merlin shooed Gwaine out telling he had to wake up tomorrow even if Arthur didn't.
"Oh and one more thing…" Gwaine turned to say to Arthur before he left "It's kind of embarrassing if you lose a fight to Merlin like that… try to avoid them in the future." He grinned widely and dodged when Arthur threw his pillow at him. How could being insulted feel this good? Arthur would not put it in words in years, but he felt it deep inside of him. He had friends, true friends.
A/N I have nothing to say. I'm just tired.
... Oh yeah, Thank you for putting up with the last, somewhat boring chapter, I'm in a mood where I could just keep talking about emotions for pages and because I lack vocabularity, I have to describe some of it rather than just using a word...
Extra thank you for those who reviewed, I really found many valuable things from your comments and they made me happy :) I hope this chapter wasn't as boring as the last one!
Angel Dove1 Ah, so you are someone who is hot all the time, I'm cold all the time so I'm closer to Merlin in this one ;) Interesting interpretation, yes, Arthur didn't comment how hot he was to Merlin wanting to make things easier for him, but these kind of things really have to be said in a relationship for they can affect, but can be resolved pretty easily... So nice you liked the painting scene, I added it beacuse someone asked for it :) Your description was the best! 'I love it! what is it?' so funny! And great you like Aida too! Adoption... that would be great! :3 Yep, at this point it's much up to Merlin of how they will move forward for Arthur is too much of a gentleman and doesn't grave for sex enough to do something himself, but there was some developement in this chapter wasn't there ;) The scar... it will be mentioned later ;) I hope you liked Arthur's angst in this chapter too, it was almost deticated to it :D Also I'm so happy that you commented on the Arthur / Gwaine moment, I enjoy so much writing Gwaine. I had a bit of fun to place the scenes so that it was just mentioned forst that Merlin went to buy beer again and after that how Arthur heard a can fall... That was just a small thing, but I wanted to make a bit of a doupt if gwaine had continued on selling Merlin alcohol or not... So much more of Arthur's feelings was in this chapter and I want to hear so much what you thought of those, but hey, thank you so much for telling me you liked the last pharagraph, I enjoy it so much when you tell me details like this :) So great you liked this version too because I know it was very long and not much ahppened in it. Have a nice week and I hope to update sooner this time!
Guest Thank you for your comment, I read the chapter again and yes, it was indeed a long one and nothing really happened... I hope you continued on reading and that you found this chapter a bit more interesting at least. It was nice to see that someone could leave a critical comment without being mean, so thumbs up for you!
Skypeoplephoenix732 Yay for Merthur! I'll go psyc with you any time ;) I have to ask... 4 relationship styles? something I should know? Anyway, good luck with your gollege and congrats of moving! :)
Greedy Reader I'm so glad that you liked my slow style... I love writing about feelings in detail, but I know it gets boring if there is not much else in the chapter... and I might have arranged this and the last chapter differently had I gotten time, but I just have so much work at the moment... anyway, Hunith was convincing and scary, she is a mother after all :D Your analysis of Merlin and Arthur was very interesting to read and so very close of what I had intented it all to be, I'm so happy that I was able to write what I wanted that well and I was also very much impressed of how you described it all. I wish I could be so brief and get so much said at the same time! Thank you, for your comment and reading my story and for your encouragement. I really appreciate it all :)
mersan123 Hi mersan! So nice that you like Aida, children really add something to our lifes don't they? :) Merlin and Arthur and HUnith too still have a long way to go, but they are moving forward towards the happy ending I promised :) It sertainly helps that they have such great neighbours starting from Susan to Gwaine who really did do the right decisions with Merlin this time to Gaius. Yep, everyone needs some alone time, but I kind of understand Hunith too for Merlin is unstable and what if his depression peaked whie everyone was away... I wouldn't take that risk either even how small the risk might seem. Merlin will sertainly be there for Arthur and that wil do wonders to their relationship :) Thank you for your review (again), it was a delight :)
Kao It is so interesting to talk about these things with you :) I know what you mean... it would be highly difficult to try to keep something like that from the whole school especially if most of the school population is kind of... well connected, to be discreet, but I too the model of this highschool from my highschool and there, it was more like people tented to use information to get better contan´cts and more like 'I so understand you and I will help you and maybe in the future I'll benefit from it' -way. I hated it, but now I can see it prevented a lot of bullying... Any way, there are actually some who know what has happened (like Elyan) but they say nothing and they actually help with the facade. Like if someone is talking how Arthur is acting weirdly and Elyan hears it, he can tell them to mind their own business and tell somekind of an excuse maybe. Or something like that. I mainly skipped soat of the school interaction because if I included that, the chapters would have dragged even longer than they have... I would bore you all to death... I'm sure people would bully someone who was nice and hardworking, but tking on a school hero and football captain... not so trivial thing to do. But I totaly get your high school trauma, I wasn't that popular either to say the least... :P Even those who liked anime thought I was weird... I hope you enjoyed the hard time Arthur had in this chapter (Oh, the mean you...). He actually had a minor burn down and it will be said a bit more clearly in the begining of the next chapter :P But he is young and he will be back in the game soon enough :) Hunith, that is an interesting topic. I have kind of tried to make her very much ideal after my plot allowed it. She has been understanding, she has never snapped or shown too much weakness or blamed anyone even if she is in lot of pain and stress and she worries constantly of Merlin's health and mental health too plus Arthur... I hope that in this chapter I was able to make you like her a bit more :) Your analysis on Merlins and Arthur's relationship was very interesting to read and I have actually taken their relationship to the direction you were talking about, I think so too that a relationship is strongest when both can express their weaknesses and feel their strenghts. Thank you for your patience, I have been slow. I really enjoyed your comment, thank you!
thejammysod Ah yes, healig. They all have so much to heal from and I have wanted to describe that so much... but well, I hope we got most of that feeling covered in the last and this chapter. Also finding an alternative to alchohol, that is awesome. Getting addicted to alcohol is not a picknic... If I was a mother and I had no idea where my child was.. I would go nuts and I felt bodily relieved when I was writing the scene where she and Merlin talked. I kind of skipped that part in this chapter, but thy have found a way :) Merlin now sits in their garden and Hunith won't bther him. Arthur nows this too. It wasn't just you, I had actually intented it like that. That Merlin was getting more aware of how much Arthur was doing for him and how much it ws affecting Arthur and I'm super happy that you noticed it :) And I might have added the word 'sensual' because you reminded me that it excisted :P Gwaine and Arthur have and will heve a good relationship, they can both admire each other for the qualities they really need to be admired :) At least for me it was also important to have some older friends who I could rely on when I was at Arthur's age. It felt that they knew what they were talking about more than my mother did and well, it was easier to listen to them also because they didn't act like I was a child... Thank you for your comments, I really love to hear what you think :)