Swimming with one of his best friend and her boyfriend could have been awkward and Merlin did prepare himself to feel like the third wheel, but even if Lance looked like Gwen was the most amazing creature in the whole world every time they talked, Gwen was purely on mission to swim her two kilometres she swam every week and so there was not a lot of time for couple stuff.
Of course Merlin felt that it was his responsibility to leave for showers a bit early so the two of them got to have some alone time in one of the warmer pools with small waterfalls in them or whatever. It was an easy decision also because he wasn't too keen on Lance seeing how he showered his swimming trunks on and changed in a bathroom. He could already picture the understanding and annoyingly kind look Lance would no doubt give him.
Just when Merlin exited the bathroom, someone opened the door connecting the showers to the locker room and Merlin saw a glimpse of Lance walking towards the showers. He suppressed his need to walk out and wait for Lance outside, but it felt equally awkward to ask if Lance had time to spare for him in front of Gwen, so he sat down to wait. Originally he had planned to ask as soon as they had been alone in the changing room, but it turned out Merlin had been too busy to get the hell out of the way before Lance could as much as take his shirt off. (He always wore his trunks under his jeans when they went to swim so he didn't need to change twice in the bathroom).
He knew there shouldn't be anything that should prevent him from seeing Lance shange if Lance was ok with it, but a storm of emotion and thoughts that came with these kind of situations made him anxious very fast. Even now that Merlin had positioned himself so he couldn't see anything, his first instinct was to flee when Lance came in towel on his waist and his swimming trunks in his hand.
Merlin closed his eyes. He felt very much nerdy, lanky, gay boy about to ask if his hot gym teacher would like to have a coffee with him. Great, just great. Maybe he should leave after all and forget the whole idea? But Lance had already seen him waiting so wouldn't it also seem weird if he just walked out now?
"Sorry you had to wait, I hope you are not in a hurry…" Lance said, polite as always and Merlin almost laughed. He felt ridiculous. "Actually, I was thinking if you have some time to spare… we could go to shop a Christmas present for Gwen." Merlin said keeping his eyes closed. When he had planned this yesterday evening, he had remembered how Lance had asked him to help with jewellery and even if that had been a joke, Merlin had hoped he could at least not sound too embarrassing. Well, so much for that.
"Sure. You have anything in mind?" Lance asked after a short pause and Merlin was forced to continue. The pause had made him nervous and he couldn't tell very well what Lance was thinking when he couldn't see his face. "Not so much. I remembered you asked for help with jewellery and well, I thought maybe I could find something at the same time."
"Oh, I actually already have a present for Gwen…" Lance sounded a bit regretful, like he didn't want to admit that to Merlin and Merlin just felt even more ridiculous. He had no idea of what to say. "…but if you don't mind, I could use your help to find something for my mother." Lance continued.
Merlin dared to open his eyes then and look at Lance's face. He seemed a bit hopeful and maybe like he wanted to save the situation. 'Kind, he is just so very kind' Merlin thought. Maybe Lance just didn't want to embarrass the lanky gay-kid? But that was anough, Merlin could appreciate that.
"Of course. Maybe we could go to downtown and find some stores?" He tried to sound like he had at least some kind of knowledge where to go, but the truth was that he had only visited the centre area with Arthur and he had not paid any attention to jewellery stores.
"Sounds great. Do you mind if we went to eat first? I'm ravenous." Lance said now smiling like Merlin had said something intelligent. "I could eat too…" he answered and wondered if he could get more lucky. It would be so much easier to speak in a restaurant or cafe and Merlin would never have the guts to actually suggest something like that. Lance really was kind.
Gwen seemed overly happy when Lance told her he would give Gwen a lift home and then he and Merlin would go to have a lunch. Merlin feared for a second there that Lance would ask Gwen to come along now that they weren't going to buy present for Gwen, but it seemed Lance had known Gwen was going to visit Vivian after she was done with feeding the men of her household.
After Merlin had wished Gwen the best of luck and the all the patience she would need with The Potato, Lance gave Gwen a small kiss and told he would call Gwen tomorrow after he knew the time of whatever was happening whenever. Merlin didn't listen, he had to concentrate on not letting the small bitter feeling that was blooming inside of his gut show on his face. He and Arthur would probably never be able to do those kind of things in a middle of a street at daytime. Not to mention how he and Arthur had not done that much lately anyway.
When Lance sat back to the driver's seat, Merlin pushed those thoughts out of his head. Arthur had told him that he didn't see Merlin as just someone he felt responsibility of and it was just that he had been sick after that Merlin decided firmly.
"Any ideas what you would like to eat?" Lance asked and glanced at Merlin through mirror for Merlin had remained seated in the back behind the passenger seat Gwen had occupied previously, as far away from Lance as possible. "Anything's fine, you can decide." He replied, he really didn't care. "I know a nice burger place and I have been craving for fries at least a week now… They sell some pizza and salads and pastas too." Lance said immediately and Merlin wondered why he even bothered to tell him what there was, it wasn't like Merlin would have any better ideas, but he didn't comment, just said it sounded great.
It was nice to get out like this, Merlin realised as soon as Lance had found them a parking spot and they stepped out to an area Merlin didn't recognise. Walking in saturday crowd and seeing new streets and stores made him remember how much he enjoyed the city life. The restaurant was also nice, it was clearly meant for younger people with not so much money and a huge appetite, but it was stylish and clean and the food smelled delicious.
They managed to get an open booth when a group of about twenty-five years old women left chatting happily and Merlin was very happy to feel the solid, high couch behind his back. Crowds didn't make him nervous, but the feeling of people walking behind his back did. Not that much anymore, but he still found it more comfortable if he positioned himself so he had a wall behind him.
It was also great that a waitress bought them menus quite quickly. This was the first time he and Lance had really spend time alone like this. Every time either Gwen or Arthur or both had been present and even when Lance had still been his teacher, every time they had been alone Merlin had either been very unfair towards Lance or feeling so out of it that he couldn't even understand the person he had been at those times anymore.
In so many ways sitting in a busy restaurant with his former gym teacher should have been more relaxed and comfortable, but now there was no fear of blowing his cover or need to protect Gwen to guide his actions and Merlin wasn't sure what to say. Lance was patient and after he had closed his menu he started to ask Merlin about things like how was the school or how the team was doing and if Arthur was feeling better, but how long would he be able to stay even remotely interested in Merlin's vague explanations and awkward replies? To Merlin Lance seemed confident, handsome and relaxed while Merlin couldn't shake the image of himself as a nerdy gay-kid. How he would start a conversation himself, Merlin had no idea.
But it turned out he didn't have to for Lance offered the topic he wanted to talk about on a silver platter. He commented on how it was good that Arthur had stayed home for he remembered how he had just brushed off every suggestion to take it easy when he had not been in the top shape when Lance had still been coaching. "Even if his voice was hoarse, he would still run to school and he didn't even listen when I asked if he had checked if he had fever!" Lance shook his head, but seemed a bit amused underneath it all.
Merlin managed to smile at that. It was exactly how Arthur was, or had been at least. "I know… but actually… he's not that sick anymore and I expected him to at least complain a bit how bored he is, but he just… sleeps. A lot. And it's- I'm not sure if he is really fine." He wasn't smiling anymore and Lance leaned a bit forward looking serious now himself.
"I- I hoped you could give me some advice?" Merlin continued when Lance didn't say anything. "Has this been going on for a long time now?" Lance asked and Merlin instantly felt stupid again. No, it hadn't. Four days wasn't a lot and when he reluctantly said that out loud, he felt very much like he had overreacted and badly. He had gotten himself worried and made Lance to take him out for lunch because of four days of sleeping and Arthur was sick. He even had fever for the first two days for crying out loud…
"Still, that doesn't sound like the Arthur I know…" Lance however still looked serious and Merlin felt a wave of gratefulness. Lance understood him and he thought the same! "Yes! He hasn't complained once how he can't even go outside and he barely listens when I tell him how the team is doing. He acts more like… me." Merlin started as excited to get this all out, but when he got to the last part and he heard his own words, he realised why he had gotten so worried so fast.
Lance looked at Merlin and a real worry strangled his mind. It was sad and tragic how Merlin described not just Arthur but himself in such a short sentence. He blamed himself, not the first nor the last time for his inability to find out what had been happening right under his nose. Merlin was incredibly brave and so was Arthur in Lance's opinion and he thought very highly of both of them. He wished to be able to help now and unlike when he was their teacher, now Lance knew what was happening and more than that, Merlin was now talking to him. He couldn't let him down in this.
But even if he heard it like this, what could Lance do? He had no connection to the school and all the support systems anymore, he had no education or enough knowledge to give reliable advices and even if he acted like he could, he might do more harm than good. The fact was that he couldn't be a reliable authority for Merlin in this situation or any other situation, but as Merlin's eyes became a bit glassy and they were interrupted when their waitress brought their food, Lance knew that he didn't want to be Merlin's teacher or Arthur's football couch anyway. It was hard to change their form of relationship even if it had been almost half a year since Lance had been either of those things, but today was a great opportunity to try. From now on, Lance hoped he and Merlin could become friends.
"I don't really know what you should do. I could recommend you to talk with someone in school, maybe your nurse, but for now… I think you should talk to Arthur." Lance got Merlin's attention immediately and he saw how he took in every word even if he looked sceptical. Braking the roles they already had would be difficult and it will take time, it seemed.
"I know Arthur quite well, but I know that you know him better than anyone and I'm sure if someone, you are able to tell him what he needs to hear." He continued and Merlin's expression changed from surprised to doubtful and then a mixture of bitter and sad.
"I used to be able to just open my mouth and tell him how I felt of how he acted or how he sounded and even if he asked me something, but now… I'm not sure anymore." Merlin said to his plate full of shrimp pasta. The snake of fear that had a tendency of growing it's heads back even after Merlin had thought he had cut them off, wrapped its slimy body around his heart and squeezed slowly. He knew why he wasn't sure anymore. Back then Merlin had been trapped into that house, but so had Arthur and so there was no way for Arthur to get rid of him, but now… it would only take few words to tell 'I want to break up with you' and the knowledge of that made Merlin hesitate and doubt what he could and couldn't do or say to the point where he had no idea what he had been about to do or say in the beginning with.
"You are not sure if you should tell him what you think or you feel you don't know him that well anymore?" Lance tried to get a clearer picture and kicked himself mentally for he had again slipped to his teacher tone. "The former… I actually feel that I know him better now, but I don't want to say anything wrong." Merlin mumbled seemingly to one of the shrimps on his plate and Lance felt a bit amused. Even if Merlin had certainly held a lot in his heart, he had never backed out from speaking his mind especially to Arthur and if something, Lance could remind him of that right now.
"You know I could always tell when Arthur had talked with you about something important to him, he always seemed sure and confident after that." Lance told Merlin risking of sounding very much sappy, but when Merlin finally rose his gaze and looked at him in the eye, it didn't matter. And besides if they were to be friends, Merlin would just have to get used to this side of him too.
"Even when the team kept calling him 'clot-pole' for weeks because of you, he laughed at it every time and I could see it never bothered him. I also remember asking him once if something good had happened and he answered to me that definitely not, that 'Merlin told me that I'm mad because I considered on going to a date with a pretty girl' if I remember correctly and he said this all smiling." Lance tried to explain what he had seen and he could tell this interested Merlin greatly, but then his gaze fell again.
"Yes… but that was before." Merlin said quietly. "This is of course just me, but I don't think that much has changed." Lance said surprising himself how sure he felt. "You know when I met Gwen's father the first few times, I was sure that any word could have made him hate me and I felt like anything I was, would never be enough. With Gwen I could just relax and be whatever I felt like, but with Tom I felt like my best wasn't enough. Then one day he told me that he really liked me and my first thought was 'How is that possible?'. I think we tend to worry the more we care, but sometimes it's possible to find a balance where we are in tune with the people close to us. I'm sure I have seen that balance with you and Arthur every time I have seen you together." Yes, this was definitely becoming sappy, Lance could almost hear Gwen teasing him for being such a 'hopeless romantic' like it was a good thing.
Merlin listened very carefully and inspected Lance's face with care. That… did sound somehow right and it didn't go unnoticed that Lance had said 'every time I have seen you together'. They had seen Lance few times when they had visited Gwen's house and Merlin had to admit, he had been teasing and laughing with Arthur then. Much like when he was at school or when Aida was present. When there were other people he could act naturally with Arthur. It was when they were alone that Merlin grew uneasy. It wasn't because of Arthur or that he was afraid or anything like that, Merlin knew all the reasons why he wasn't uneasy around Arthur at times, but just now he found the reason why he was. He knew how to be Arthur's friend, but he had no idea of how to be his boyfriend. How much he wanted to be more than a friend, with it always came the fear of falling down while reaching for too much.
"How are you and Tom now?" Merlin asked. He could have asked how Lance and Gwen had found their balance, but it was too different, their parents hadn't married first and they hadn't been friends after that and besides, for some reason Lance had never made it known that he knew that Merlin and Arthur were dating even if Merlin was sure he must know. If not from Gwen, Merlin had at least assumed that from the start and he hadn't been actually subtle even if he too never said it out loud.
"I want to say great, there have been some awkward moments for Tom is quite protective over his daughter, but to be fair, I'm quite sure I'll be the same if I'll ever have a daughter." Lance answered grinning and looking somehow younger that Merlin had built him up to be in his head and he again remembered that Lance was actually just six years older than them. Six years that had felt like a brick wall in between them and especially between him and Gwen just two years ago. Merlin again remembered how angry he had been at Lance.
"I can tell you that I will never make the mistake of leaving my phone on silent mode while Gwen is spending a night at my place." Lance continued and Merlin had to chuckle at the mental image. He was suddenly very happy that Elyan had vouched for him before he had slept in Gwen's room the first time. Tom was very nice and calm person, but he was also very big and strong and Merlin never wanted to be on the wrong side of his worry over his daughter.
"But we were speaking about Arthur, do you think he could have a burn out?" Lance asked and Merlin got serious very fast. That sounded very much possible. Arthur had been working like crazy and he had taken care of him and his mother and even if Arthur never said it, he really didn't have anyone. He had talked with Morgana now and then yes and that was improvement compared to last five years, but in Merlin's opinion Morgana didn't sound too nice and definitely not supportive or someone who could help Arthur. She was more stress than anything else in Merlin's opinion.
"That could be." He said sadly. He really didn't want that to be the case. He just wanted to see Arthur to be himself and not worry about everything so much all the time. Lance nodded his eyes a bit dark like he was remembering something. "He has so much to do all the time…" Merlin started. He had been about to start to list everything that Arthur had done this year and had still to do, but the list felt so long that thinking about it made even Merlin tired.
"Is there something that makes him stressed?" Lance asked and Merlin knew that this was why he had wanted to talk with Lance. He knew more than well how much Arthur had always done and how well he had coped with that, so Merlin didn't need to explain to him how it was weird that he was stressing about planning and coaching five football practices per week on top of school.
"I think I know few things, but I don't know how to help him with any of those and some of it is… me." He said feeling ashamed of himself, but Lance just nodded "Can you tell me some of it? Or if you think Arthur wouldn't want you to tell me that is alright."
Merlin shook his head, he didn't think Arthur would mind if he told Lance. Or would he? What if he would get angry at Merlin for telling something personal, something even Merlin hadn't told him he thought? Or- No. Merlin would trust on Lance and listen the feeling he had had first. He knew Arthur and he knew where the line was with him of the things he wouldn't want to share.
"I don't think he minds. I think he has hard time adjusting on living in a smaller house and I think he doesn't really know how to act around my mother. He might say that it's great how my mom says he can go to visit his friends anytime, but at the same time he never goes if I don't force him to go and he can't see my mother approving. It's like he doesn't really trust that the life is now different even if he knows it is." Alright, he ended up saying a lot more than he had planned to, but some of that had formed to words just now when Lance was looking at him with interest to his every word. At some point Merlin had stopped on feeling stupid and it was now surprisingly easy to talk to Lance.
"Our new coach is also as lazy as they get and all the work is now on Arthur's shoulders. If I didn't take attendance and reserved the field, Arthur would have to do that too." Merlin continued with the second topic and it felt just so good to complain about the person who was supposed to be so much better than Lance.
Lance had looked very serious when Merlin had described their home life, but now he looked taken aback "He makes you do the field reservations? He doesn't take attendance? And Arthur is the one leading all the practices?!" he sounded scandalised and Merlin could just look at him confused. He knew Arthur called to Lance now and then to ask for advice… Had he really never complained to Lance how their new coach was?
"You didn't know? He mostly reads newspapers and drinks coffee while Arthur does all the work. I haven't seen him play himself over ten minutes in weeks and I took the paperwork when Arthur noticed all the statics you had collected had been neglected and when we had to move inside in the middle of september because the coach hadn't reserved the field and when we got outside, there were bunch of cheerleaders stating that they had the field for every other day that week…" Merlin could have ranted on of this topic forever, but he made himself stop before he bore Lance out of his skull.
"Have you informed the principal?" Lance asked horrified and Merlin shook his head. "My mother called him and Arthur complained to him, but it seems he is qualified and can't be just kicked out so the principal came to tell him 'that this can't go on like this', but that was it. And besides now all the paperwork is in order and the team is doing well so…"
"Because you and Arthur do his job for him?" Lance looked at him and Merlin knew what he meant, he was part of the reason they still had a lousy coach, because he was covering for him and that wasn't right, but he also knew why he was doing it so he had no trouble answering "I have a system and I will not have him ruin it and even if I did, there is no way in million years that Arthur will let the team suffer so he can blame the coach." Saying it out loud like this felt bad. This was how those who didn't care or were lazy or just plain selfish got to leach and get credit while those who worked hard suffered and worked twice as hard to do their job too. Not just in school, but in real life too.
Lance sighed and Merlin knew he wouldn't protest. He understood even if he too thought it wasn't right. "I see… well, I can tell you that I would have gotten a serious burn out with all that. Just having that kind of responsibility is too much and we both know how seriously Arthur takes responsibilities…" Lance said clearly feeling for Arthur. Merlin felt a light bulb lit inside of his head, those were the words he had tried to find! Responsibility, that was the heart of this all. Merlin had known it, but now there was this word that tied everything together. Responsibility, Arthur had made everything to be his responsibility and he couldn't let go of them and that was why he was so tired.
"…and then all that stress at home on top of it, maybe he really should take some time off from school and all of it." Merlin had missed a part of what Lance had said, but the last part made an instant reaction in him "No! I mean… no, it has been good that he has rested I guess, but to me it seems that he needs to do… just something all the time. Not like this and I wish he didn't have to worry about me all the time, but I don't know, it feels like he's not himself like this… He needs something-" 'where someone tells him what to do and not the other way around' Merlin's head provided him with an answer and he stopped talking just to keep that thought from disappearing.
"I'm sure you know what is best for Arthur." Lance just said and when Merlin looked at him, he was smiling. It was reassuring and Merlin found himself smiling back. "Just remember that you don't have to save him alone, ask help as soon as you feel that it is needed." Lance added sounding a lot like the teacher Merlin had learned to admire, but it didn't matter that much anymore. Merlin didn't feel that pitiable anymore.
"You sound like a teacher…" he teased, but he knew Lance knew the message had been heard so he just smiled back. "I would hope so after all that time." He said and finally picked up a fork and started to eat his now cold fries. Merlin also picked up his fork and spoon and tried to eat his pasta like Arthur had taught him to once when they had visited that very nice pizzeria and told him he would not be seen with someone who had no basic knowledge of how to eat pasta. Back then Merlin had tried not to blush because Arthur had touched his hand when he had taken his cutleries to demonstrate. At least Merlin wasn't that awkward anymore…
After that it was easy to find topics to talk with Lance and when Lance laughed at his tales of coach the lazy and of some little things that had happened in the practices, Merlin felt very much happy that Lance was dating Gwen. Now he got to keep him in his life too.
He was about to tell one more joke he had heard while checking some footballs, if they had enough air or not, when Lance asked "Do you ever spend time with any of them?"
Merlin was confused for a second, but he had to admit that he had started most of his stories with 'I heard them talking' or 'when I was doing something completely unrelated' or 'I saw from other side of the field'. He mostly minded his own business during the practices. "Umm, not really. I barely speak to any of them because most of the time I have no idea what to say to them." He confessed and Lance looked like he had guessed as much.
"Maybe you could try? I happen to know they all like you." Lance said kindly, but this was the kind of a teacher voice Merlin didn't like too much. "They don't know me." He just said shortly and if he had felt a bit sad to confess that he didn't have friends where he spent a lot of his free time (technically he didn't have to be there) then now he just felt a bit bitter and a bit annoyed.
"Maybe not in that sense, but you do spend a lot of time together and I would like to think I know that bunch. I don't think they would think that differently of you even if they knew you." It was obvious Lance knew exactly what he had meant even if he still didn't say it out loud. It was actually nice this way, Merlin didn't feel as uneasy even in this very public setting and it felt that they understood each others anyway.
"All of them? That doesn't sound possible." Merlin didn't feel annoyed anymore, but bitter still. It was a bit weird how he had gotten more comfortable with his sexual identity, but at the same time he had started to feel how unfair it was that this one thing could make at any given time anyone turn against him. It had been the one thing Uther had used against him, made that one thing be everything he was and even if he had seen with his own eyes how what Uther had done was again the law, it hadn't erased the fear that all around him were people who could hurt him if they knew. And in school, it would only take one wrong ear to hear his secret and everyone would know. In his head it was still a majority of people who would turn against him for being homosexual.
"I can't say I expect none of them even bat an eyelash, but they are a very tight group and I'm sure they would first think very carefully if any of that mattered and I'm quite sure they would all come to a conclusion that it didn't. Especially… and when I say this I don't want to doubt anyone's ability to think for themselves or act on their own, but especially since Arthur thinks it's alright." Lance said almost lightly which confused Merlin a bit.
"But that could also change! They don't know that Arthur is-" Merlin grew desperate, but he couldn't say it out loud. Lance looked at Merlin's eyes with serious confidence and said it for him "involved with you."
Merlin flinched and he fought the urge to look around if someone had heard for he needed to see Lance's eyes. "Yes…" He finally admitted and Lance smiled at him. It was like every bone had started to melt in Merlin's limbs, he relaxed so much that a pair of tears dropped from his eyes simultaneously. He shook his head slightly and wiped his eyes. It was a weird feeling, he wasn't really crying or feeling like crying, some water had just escaped his eyes and he laughed shortly. Lance just looked at him a bit fondly and didn't mention his weird reactions.
It made sense now, how Lance never said out loud what they both knew was there between Arthur and Merlin. Actually Merlin wasn't sure if he had ever heard him refer Gwen as his girlfriend either or if he said it out loud they were dating, at least not to Merlin, because he knew Merlin knew, but like he would never deny that he was in love with Gwen (not even when a fifteen years old student had accused him being a pedophile) he wouldn't let Merlin deny what he felt for Arthur either. It was… nice. Lance was nice.
"I can't promise you anything of course, but as I said, I want to think I know my team." Lance continued after he had given Merlin time to collect himself. He said this calmly while eating his burger, but there was something sure in his voice and Merlin finally saw why. Lance had also been accepted even after the team had found out that he was dating one of their mate's little sister. Merlin remembered that evening all too well and the memory made him smile. Was there a possibility that he too could be accepted like that someday?
While they continued eating in a comfortable silence, Merlin started to feel that maybe he hadn't been just extremely lucky by having found all these incredible people who didn't judge him for what he was. Maybe, just maybe it wasn't actually most of the people who would want to hurt him if they knew. Just maybe there were more accepting people around him than he had expected. That would explain how come he had only come across friends, nurses, police officers, and even a lawyer and a judge who hadn't hold it against him that he liked men.
The snake of fear hadn't been formed by the realistic world, but made by Uther. It had been cleverly calculated and shaped for just one purpose: to control Merlin and it had worked. That shame Merlin would carry for the rest of his life, he had let that man place a soul eating creature next to his very soul. When time would pass, everything on the outside would fade, but the way his mind had been invaded, would never go away, not completely.
The sharpest edge of Merlin's hunger, which was insatiable nowadays, had just been defeated when his phone rang. It was Arthur and Merlin made an apologising gesture towards Lance before answering. "Where are you?" that was his greeting left Merlin silent for a moment. Arthur should know where he was, he had told him yesterday hadn't he? Or had he not listened? That could be, taking the way he had been into consideration.
"I'm having a dinner with a handsome man." He said with a neutral tone after he decided that it was not his fault if Arthur didn't pay attention to his surroundings. He even found himself feeling he had the right to be at least slightly annoyed.
"… Ah, say hi to Lance for me." Arthur answered and Merlin could almost see how the memory had slowly crept into Arthur's consciousness. He had to smile at the image a bit. "After I have exterminated my pasta. Which I am eating with a spoon and a fork, before you ask. " He replied with good humour. "Good. Hey, could you buy something sweet for me? I feel like eating something sweet." Arthur replied and Merlin wasn't sure if he wanted to reply 'so now we are comfort eating huh?' or 'Yes sir, right away sir, your delivery boy on his way' or comment on how he could bring Arthur a lollipop and how cute that would be (sarcastic tone included), but he remembered Lance was there in time so he just said with the most casual tone he could muster "Yeah, yeah, I'll bring you a souvenir." It would not do to attempt on having a serious conversation or the closest he had do to flirting over the phone while there was audience present.
"Arthur said hi." Merlin stated when he ended the call. He started to twirl pasta around his fork attempting on looking as calm as possible, but Lance had to ruin that. "So you think I'm handsome?" he asked with innocent tone and a laughing face and Merlin dropped his spoon and almost knocked his plate over. He looked at Lance blushing furiously, his brain going around a circle in full speed.
Lance laughed at his reaction and Merlin relaxed a bit. Alright Lance was teasing him, but this was the first time he was saying out loud these kind of things and the way he joked… it was showing Merlin how easy it was for him to accept his homosexuality as it was. That realisation made Merlin decide on taking a risk.
"Have you seen any mirrors lately? It's not very hard to spot really." He said hiding at least partially behind his sarcasm. Lance stopped laughing, but continued on smiling "I am very flattered, thank you." he said and dipped some fries to a small cup of aioli next to his burger. Merlin had to smile too. The casual way Lance acted was very reassuring. It gave Merlin the same feeling than Gwaine when he didn't comment on Merlin leaning close to him. If a straight man could be comfortable with him being close or complimenting their looks… it really reassured him that his sexuality was not all he was and that it wasn't seen as everything he was either.
"It doesn't bother you?" He asked mostly to get a verbal assurance of what he had already gotten. "Why should it? It's a compliment, isn't it?" Lance asked while eating some more fries. Merlin grinned at him feeling very happy. That was true. Technically it was a compliment so why it should be treated as anything else? Of course Merlin wouldn't start saying stuff like that because he could be very easily misunderstood and he had no desire for any of those, but still. These kind of moments were very important to Merlin. These moments were the one thing that killed the snake inside of him slowly but irreversible.
"I could tell the same thing to you if it didn't make me a creepy old man." Lance continued with a laugh. Merlin rolled his eyes at him. Lance was surely just making fun of him, but it was alright and Merlin had an answer for him anyway. "Well, I can also tell that Gwen is very pretty. I guess it's the same." This was and would be the closest Merlin ever got to ask about Lance's sexuality. He had no doubt and there was no point in asking, but when Lance grinned at him, his cheeks slightly pink and face radiating the love he had for Gwen, Merlin had the answer anyway. Loud and clear. He smiled back feeling like the world had to be a good place if there was love like Lance and Gwen had in it.
On their way to Lance's car, Merlin bought some mint chocolate for Arthur and they managed to find a very nice bookmark made of steel and decorated with a single pearl for Lance's mother who Lance described to be the one to spend every cold season inside, in a comfortable chair and reading a book. Lance was sure Merlin would get along with her very well he suggested he and Arthur could visit his family home someday. His father would be clad to feed them his famous pasta carbonara and chocolate pie. His father was the one to cook in their house while his mother did the dishes and took care of their small 'garden' in their balcony. Lance also suggested a double date on Christmas holidays and Merlin invited him to his birthday party he just invented. It could be new years party at the same time and because Lance had a traditional family dinner he would take Gwen (the first time any of his girlfriends had been invited), Merlin decided the time to be after seven at 31th of December.
When they sat in Lance's car, Merlin had no idea why he had been so stiff before. It was very easy to talk with Lance and they had a lot of fun and surprisingly much in common on a sentimental level. Maybe the connection he now felt towards his ex-teacher (or maybe he was more his best friend's boyfriend?) made him ask of something he had not planed on asking because this was something he was really not sure if Arthur would want him to share.
"Do you remember the biology class we had with you?" He asked and Lance immediately answered that yes, he did. It was not something Lance would forget anytime soon either then...
"Uh, I just… you know the chart you showed us? I… I know where I am in that, but I'm not sure Arthur does and it might be bothering him at times I think." he said suddenly unable to look at Lance's direction so he looked out of the window instead. Merlin had sat on the back seat again even if he trusted Lance, it was the car that was making him nervous.
"Alright… Well, this will stay just between you and me and you don't have to answer, but what do you mean?" Lance said and Merlin knew he didn't ask if Arthur was comfortable of what Merlin had said for Lance knew he wouldn't do anything he didn't think would not benefit Arthur in the long run. Merlin smiled and answered the best he could.
"I- I don't really know… He might be bi, but I have never seen him look at anyone that way…" He tried. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell everything he knew to Lance, but seriously, he wasn't sure. He had labeled Arthur as bi, but he had never seen Arthur get interested in anyone and even if he had admitted he wanted Merlin, there was no real proof of that either. Arthur had never really done much more than kissing with Merlin and even if he should know very well that Merlin was a man, they had never gone beyond their waistline so how was Arthur supposed to be sure he could cope with Merlin having, well, male bits? How would Merlin cope if Arthur wouldn't like that part of him?
"I could tell you he looks you very much that way, but other than that, now that you mention… one could call Arthur very serious and maybe it's because he's not interested in flirting or all that." Lance seemed to think and even if Merlin blushed at the 'compliment' feeling pleased to hear that, he leaned towards Lance to hear more.
"I have a friend… I haven't seen him in a while, but he might know a lot more of the subject than I do. I could call him, maybe we could arrange a meeting? With you or if Arthur wants to meet him. Or if not, maybe I can get some info and links from him." Lance kept thinking and Merlin really appreciated this. If he could do anything to help Arthur, it would be worth everything. Even meeting with someone Lance knew and having a conversation of awkward topics would be totally ok and that Lance was willing to involve his friend… that was really comforting.
"Thank you." Merlin said and he didn't mean just this offer. Lance just nodded and seemed to still be thinking on something, but that was just enough. It would have been awkward if Lance had realised how deep his gratitude of this day went.
When Lance drove off and left Merlin standing next to him home, the day seemed perfect. The high feeling of having confirmed someone he had admired was truly his friend was getting mixed to a cold but sunny late autumn weather and when Merlin opened their front door, there was an envelope with no stamp on it but 'Arthur' written with carefully written letters decorated with flowers. Merlin knew without opening it was from Aida. Could he just go and hug that little adorableness? This feel in must be what it felt to fall in love with a child, a tender feeling of wanting to listen an eternity of how ponies could fly if they believed in friendship and how favourite colour was really serious business and why roses should be coloured either red or pink while unicorns could be anything from rainbow coloured to white. Merlin found himself wondering if every father fell in love with their daughters or sons the minute they were born or gradually, like Merlin had with Aida.
A/N Unexpected succes on writing an essey! Yay me! So, here part two, there is still a part to this chapter (as you can propably see from the awkward 'ending'), and I will get it written tomorrow. Now I have to go to work and then I will so sleep like a log for at least ten hours...
See you!
-L