Chapter 20 – Don't You Trust Me?
Regulus tried to decide how long he had been at Barty's house. Somewhere between one and two weeks – probably closer to two – was his best estimate. Enough time, anyway, for him to have almost lost his spirit. He wasn't angry anymore – at least not the way he had been the first many days. Sadness and despair had taken over. He hadn't given up hope, but what was he supposed to do? He had tried screaming at Barty, calling him the foulest insults he could come up with, hitting, kicking, and scratching him when he got close enough. He had tried reasoning with him, and even begging (something he was not proud of), screamed his lungs out in the hope of neighbors hearing him, but nothing had worked. He had tried escaping several times, had tried to trick Barty into making a mistake, but he was extremely meticulous and careful. He never kept the key for the handcuffs on him, so even if Regulus was lucky enough to overpower him in some way, it wouldn't get him anywhere. When he was allowed to use the bathroom, Barty kept at a safe distance with his gun at the ready.
Regulus had started eating a few days ago, realizing that if he was ever to have a chance of escaping, he needed his strength and clear-headedness. Lying there speculating, he was suddenly struck with an idea. A tactic he hadn't tried. How could he not have thought of this before? Probably because he had been too angry to even consider it or being able to act well enough to pull it off. He hadn't tried playing along. Trying to convince Barty that his plan was actually starting to work. That Regulus was finally realizing that he still loved him.
"Barty?" he said in a soft voice next time the blonde came in and sat on the chair by the bed to talk. "Tell me about our time at Eton. Back when things were good between us."
Barty looked surprised, but then smiled. "It was perfect, Reg. We were so happy. Madly in love and together every minute of every day."
"Yeah..." said Regulus, sounding like he was getting sentimental. "It was a rather happy time, wasn't it? I remember feeling all warm and dizzy whenever you smiled at me. I wanted to be close to you all the time. Wanted to feel your lips on mine. Your hands on my body..."
"Me too!" said Barty eagerly. "You were everything to me! You still are."
Regulus looked into his eyes, holding his gaze for a long moment, and spoke softly, "Then why did you treat me the way you did? How could you break my heart like that? You knew how much I loved you. How could you, Barty? If you really loved me as much as you say."
"I…" croaked Barty. "Because I was a coward. I was afraid of what my family would say and everybody at the school… But, Reg, I'm so, so sorry that I hurt you, and I'll regret it until the day I die."
"You understand why it's been so hard for me to forgive you, don't you? You betrayed me. You hurt me more than anyone else had ever done."
"I'll never ever hurt you again," said Barty, taking Regulus' hand and holding it between his own two. "I swear it, Regulus. Please let me make it up to you."
"And exactly how are you going to make it up to me?"
"Any way you want, Reg. I'll do anything to make you happy. Just let me do it!"
Regulus gazed into his eyes for a long time, trying to look emotional. "I haven't forgiven you yet, but I think I might be ready to give you a chance..." He swallowed. "It's true what you said. I still love you. I just didn't want to."
Barty looked like he was about to cry from happiness and reached out a hand to carefully cup Regulus' cheek. Regulus' eyes fluttered shut and he slowly leaned in to press his lips to Barty's.
They kissed gently for a minute, Regulus forcing himself to relax so that he wasn't giving away how much he wasn't enjoying it. Barty seemed hesitant to take things further, no doubt because Regulus had hit or kicked him every time he had tried touching him until now, so Regulus had to take the lead in turning things up a notch. He kissed more enthusiastically, moaning in the back of his throat to make it seem he was getting aroused. "Barty, it's okay... you don't have to hold back," he hummed into his mouth as he brought up a hand to tangle in his hair.
Barty seemed to hesitate for a minute but then put his hands on Regulus' body – one on his waist and the other roaming his chest. As the kissing became more heated and Regulus started touching Barty as well, Barty slid a hand down the smaller boy's stomach to the waistline of his boxers. Here he waited, making sure Regulus would not knee him in the groin or something else painful if he went further, but when Regulus showed no change in demeanor, he palmed him through the fabric.
Regulus almost automatically jerked away from Barty's touch, but he forced himself to stay put. "I... I want you," he breathed, kissing Barty more aggressively and pushing his crotch against Barty's hand.
Encouraged, Barty pushed Regulus down onto the bed, still kissing him heatedly. He fumbled with his own flyer as an eager teenager about to have sex for the first time.
Regulus tried to help him push down his jeans, making a show of not being able to move properly with one hand cuffed. If Barty noticed, he didn't let on. Out of his jeans, Barty got up from the bed and headed for the door.
"Where are you going, Barty?" asked Regulus, sitting up in the bed.
"To get lube, of course. I don't want to hurt you, love," said the blonde.
Regulus lay back down. Lube? Was he really going to go along with this charade that far? No... not if he could avoid it. He would ask Barty to uncuff him right before they got started for real. Hopefully he would be so lost in passion that he would agree.
Barty came back, plopping down next to Regulus and quickly lathered up a few fingers and started applying the lube. Regulus closed his eyes, willing himself to relax at the intrusion although his whole body tensed up in protest. He tried to think of something else to pass the time until the right moment was there.
"You have no idea how many times I've dreamed of this moment," Barty said, kissing Regulus softly as his fingers worked him open. "I've stayed true to you, I want you to know that. I know you haven't been true to me, but I'll forgive you because I understand why you wanted to hurt me. And I know I deserved it. But never again, love, yeah? You'll be mine forever and I'll be yours."
"Yes," whispered Regulus. "I'll be yours..." he kissed him hotly, moaning and pushing down on Barty's fingers. "I want you so much, I can barely wait!"
Barty stopped for a moment, looking Regulus up and down. "But you're still not hard?" he said in confusion.
"It's just because I'm nervous. It's been so long, and I want to do good. It'll come, I promise." Relaxing himself enough to take Barty was harder than he thought, even with plenty of lube, but then again, he had never tried taking anything without being really turned on and wanting it. It was as difficult as the first time they had done it.
Barty stopped for a moment. "What's wrong? You're so tense. Don't you want me?" he asked, suddenly sounding unsure of himself.
"Yes," said Regulus. "I'm just nervous, and it's been a long time since I've bottomed. Not since you," he lied. "But I really want to. Like it used to be. Just go ahead - I won't break." He would just have to take the pain. If it meant that he could trick Barty into taking off the handcuffs it was worth it. Biting his cheek to distract himself from the pain, Regulus waited for Barty to get properly started.
"Bloody hell, Reg," you feel so good! I forgot how amazing you are!"
"Barty," moaned Regulus, trying to sound like he was getting into it and rolled his hips to meet Barty's. He ran his free hand down his back to his bottom and tried to do the same with the other, jerking at it hard to show Barty that the cuff was in the way. "Barty," he whined then. "I... I can't do this in chains. I want to touch you. Hold on to you."
Barty looked down at him, but to Regulus' dismay he shook his head. "I can't take that chance, Reg," he said and picked up the speed.
"Barty! Don't you trust me?" said Regulus, trying to gain eye contact and tugging at the cuffs as if he were about to panic. "I'm giving myself to you, and you can't trust me? Do you think I'd let you shag me if I didn't want you? Let me go. I promise I'll be good."
Barty took a hold of Regulus' free hand and pinned it the mattress, his eyes narrowing as his thrust became rougher.
Regulus gave up. He knew that look and it meant that there was no changing Barty's mind. He started struggling against Barty's hold, about to tell him to stop.
If you do that, he'll know you were trying to trick him and you lose your chance of getting him to trust you.
He stopped resisting, knowing it was true. If he backed out now, it would all have been in vain. If he kept up the charade then perhaps he could get Barty to let his guard down sometime in the near future. He suddenly found it hard to breathe and tears were threatening to spill. He felt violated. He felt like a whore. He couldn't stand looking at Barty one more second. He was not going to make it if he did. "Barty," he whimpered. "I want you from behind. You know how much I like that."
Barty hesitated for a moment, then pulled out to let Regulus flip over onto his stomach. "Sure, love. I know."
Regulus pressed his face into the pillow, willing his tears to stay back. He couldn't cry now. Barty would notice afterwards and know that he hadn't been into it. He tried to imagine that it was Remus behind him, but that only made him feel worse. Remus. He was cheating on him. Sure, it wasn't for pleasure, but still... He had started this, not the other way around. He bit hard into the pillow, forcing himself not to cry.
Barty was moaning over Regulus, so caught up in his own please that he didn't even register that Regulus was shaking. After what seemed like an hour, he finally finished and collapsed down over Regulus. "Was... was it good for you?" he asked as he rolled off and lay next to his captive.
Regulus didn't trust himself to speak and he was afraid to look at Barty; afraid that his voice would waver and his face tell how he was feeling, so he just nodded into the pillow.
Barty was quiet for a moment, then carefully shook Regulus by the shoulder. "Are you okay? Are you upset? Reg, look at me."
Regulus shook his head, still pressing his face into the pillow. He wished Barty would go away. Wished he was a better actor, better at hiding his feelings. He always used to be good at that, but to be fair, he had never been subjected to something this traumatizing before. A sob escaped him and he hated himself for being so weak. There was no way Barty hadn't noticed.
With force Barty flipped Regulus over to look at his face. "You're crying! What's all this about? I thought you wanted me, and now you act as though I raped you or something! Was this some trick to get the best of me?" The blonde shook Regulus none too gently and raised his voice angrily. "Trying to get me to release you so you could run away, is that it? You can't toy with people's feelings like this!" he shouted and then backhanded Regulus across the face.
Regulus stared up at him in shock. Barty had never laid a hand on him before.
"Fuck, Reg," said Barty, eying the already blossoming bruise on the boy's cheekbone. "Oh, shite, I'm so sorry, love, I didn't mean to do that. You just really hurt me…" he said and put a gentle hand on his cheek.
Regulus jerked away from the touch and rolled back onto his stomach.
Barty didn't try to turn him over again. "You can take a shower after me," he sighed. "And then we need to have to have a serious talk."
As soon as Barty had left, the dam broke and Regulus started sobbing violently into his pillow. His cheek was aching and he could feel Barty's seed seeping out of him. He had never felt this humiliated, this ashamed, in his entire life.