Epilogue

"Are you sure?" asked Regulus, skeptically eying the tube of lube in Remus' hand. "I don't want you to overstrain yourself..."

"The doctor gave me the green light a week ago," said Remus. "And it ain't as if I'm gonna be wrestling a hippo."

Regulus sighed. It wasn't that he didn't want to, but he had been so scared of losing Remus that he couldn't risk a relapse. And there was also that other matter… "Tired of hand- and blowjobs?" he asked with a crooked smile. "If I'm pants at it, you can just tell me."

Remus smiled a little, sending him a mischievous look. "You're not bad at all and I do enjoy both, but I've been dying to fuck you for a month." He titled his head. "Unless you'd rather spend the day we have the whole apartment to ourselves to just sit and do homework?"

"No!" said Regulus. "I just want to make sure you're okay. Tell me if you're feeling winded, yeah?"

"I will, darlin', don't worry," Remus smiled. "But I'm sure you'll take real good care of me."

"Remus..." said Regulus, stopping the Southerner's hand as he was reaching down to apply the lube. "There's... before we do this... There's something I think I have to tell you. I... I had decided not to, because I figured it would only serve to hurt you, but I just can't let it go. I feel so guilty and I don't want to keep secrets from you."

Remus looked at him, a little worried, and then nodded. "You know you can tell me anything," he said and caressed his cheek. "What's bothering you, darlin'?"

Regulus took a breath and forced himself to look Remus in the eye. "It's about Barty. He... when I was at his house. He... I let him shag me."

Remus went pale. "He… he raped you?"

Regulus shook his head. "It wasn't like that. I started it."

Remus looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"I..." Regulus swallowed, suddenly wishing he hadn't said anything at all, seeing the look of confusion and hurt in Remus' eyes. "I seduced him... Not because I wanted it - I didn't enjoy it at all, I... I tried to trick him into uncuffing me, so that I could escape. But he refused. It was a stupid plan. It was the only thing I could come up with, but it didn't work."

Remus eyed him in shock for a long time, Regulus feeling his stomach drop. What now? Was he going to hate him? Feel disgusted by him?

Then Remus pulled him into a hug. "Oh, darlin', I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm so, so sorry. It's not your fault. You were desperate and he took advantage of you. I know you didn't enjoy it; I know you love me and not him."

Regulus nodded but still couldn't meet Remus' eye. "I'm so sorry. In a way I cheated on you. But I hated every second of it. I felt dirty. It made me feel like a whore."

"You're not a whore. Please stop thinking like that," said Remus and leaned in to kiss Regulus, but the boy dodged him.

"I feel like one. Still. I should have stopped him once I realized he wasn't going to uncuff me, but I didn't. I wanted to keep trying to get him to trust me. And... I was also scared that he wouldn't stop if I asked him. I think he would have, but... but if not, then it would have been worse. You know?"

"I don't blame you, Regulus. How could you think I would? How could you even think this was your fault? He didn't give you a choice: you had to do whatever you could to try and escape. The fact that he had sex with you without taking off your handcuffs even though you begged him to – that makes it rape. Even though you started it, and even though you didn't tell him to stop."

Regulus forced himself not to start crying. He had known, of course, that Remus wouldn't blame him, but it was a relief to get it out, nevertheless. The pain of what had happened was not gone, but at least he didn't have to feel guilty any more. "Do you wish I hadn't said anything?"

"No, I'm glad you told me. I don't want any secrets between us either, and I wanna help you put it behind you. And Regulus… I really think you need to talk about this with your therapist. I have an inkling that you haven't."

Regulus smiled and shook his head, finally looking Remus in the eye. "I don't want to talk about it with her. It's enough that you know and don't blame me. As soon as we have testified in court I don't want to think about him ever again."

When Regulus moved in to pick up where they had left, Remus stopped him with a gentle hand. "Are you sure you want to do this now? After what we've just talked about…"

"What do you mean?" asked Regulus, suddenly scared that Remus felt disgusted by him. "You don't… you don't want me anymore? Because of what happened?"

"No, darlin', no! That's not it at all," said Remus, cupping Regulus' face and kissing him. "I want you more than ever. I was just thinking that… Well, now I know what you've been through, I'm thinking that maybe you need some more time?"

"I don't need more time," said Regulus determinedly. "I want you even more now that I've come clean and you're so understanding, and I don't have to feel guilty anymore."

Remus smiled and kissed him again, pulling him in so they were lying flush against each other.

Regulus thought about how exactly they were going to do this. The days of their little bondage games were over for good. Regulus knew he didn't even have to tell Remus that. Would Remus be able to do it without thinking about Regulus being with Barty? Would Regulus?

But all his worries about awkwardness, fear, and guilt were proven groundless once they got started. As soon as Remus gently pressed him into the mattress, Regulus melted into his embrace and kisses. It felt right and safe and like home. It wasn't rough like it often was. Remus always seemed to instinctively know just what Regulus needed.

With Regulus' legs wrapped around his back, Remus entwined their fingers above Regulus' head and looked him deep in the eyes as they moved slowly, in sync. Remus felt like he was drowning in those dark oceans and he could hear his own heart hammer away. Or was it Regulus'?

"Oh, God," Regulus moaned when Remus changed his angle slightly so he hit just the right spot with every roll of his hips. "F-faster... I need it faster now."

Remus raised himself a little so he could get some more leverage and gave a slight nod before picking up the pace.

"I'm close," gasped Regulus a minute later and moved a hand down to jerk himself of, but Remus caught it.

"None of that," he chastised. "You're gonna come on my cock alone."

Regulus looked at him in surprise. "But… I can't."

"Yes, you can," said Remus, angling himself just right and speeding up even more. "Look at me," he said. Seeing Regulus' eyes roll back in his head and his body tensing up. "Good boy," he said when the Brit's eyes flew open, pupils wide and black. "There we go."

Release hit Regulus like a tsunami, wave after wave after wave. When he finally came back to reality, he noticed Remus lying slumped on top of him, clearly having finished as well. When he rolled off a moment later, Regulus propped himself up on an elbow. "Bloody hell! That was amazing! I didn't know you could do that!"

Remus chuckled. "You didn't know you could or I could or just in general?"

Regulus shook his head, feeling a little stupid. "I thought it was just a porn thing… Hey, why the hell haven't you done that before? If you had, then I would have become your boyfriend much sooner." Remus' face fell for a second and Regulus laughed. "I'm taking the mickey. That wasn't what it was about; you know that. The sex was mind blowing from the start."

"I know, darlin'," said Remus and kissed him before making himself comfortable under the sheets, Regulus' head resting on his chest. "You were afraid I would hurt you. I hope you know now that I won't. That I'd never."

"I know," said Regulus, drawing circles on Remus' chest. "I think if anyone is gonna hurt anyone here, it'll probably be me."

"Well…" said Remus, running a hand through Regulus' damp locks. "I think I'll take my chances."

A/N: I gotta say I'm not happy with this epilogue, but time's up and this is as good as it gets for now. Anyway, we hope you liked the fic as a whole and we want to thank you guys for holing on till the end.

Zayhad and I have been super productive lately, so there's a string of fics coming up shortly. So keep the author alert on :)