Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon.

A/N: Slowly but surely this story is coming together. Thank you to everyone sticking with me through the long waits!

Chapter 18: The Way We Were

-Distant Future: Crystal Tokyo-

Artemis made his way down the hall, trying to ignore the almost eerie silence around him. Some days, the palace felt completely devoid of life, like an empty house filled with the ghosts of memories. Haruka and Michiru were busy dealing with the ever increasing youma presence in the city. In the rare times he saw them, they were withdrawn, barely speaking to him or each other. Setsuna was distracted as well and spending more and more time alone. His only confidante was Luna, but even she was starting to feel the weight of the darkness growing around them.

He tried to shake off his gloom as he approached the queen's bed chambers. Soft light silhouetted Luna's still form as she sat by the open door. He quietly settled next to her, relaxing a little when she leaned against him. They both watched helplessly as a gaunt figure moved next to the bed.

Mamoru's hair was shaggy enough to brush his collar and his beard was a thick tangle around his face. Sweat stains on his back suggested that he hadn't changed or showered since the last time they'd seen him. He moved to kneel beside the bed, taking his wife's limp hand in both of his.

"Chibi-Usa called today," he told her. "They're leaving Mars and they have Rei with them. Ami and Makoto, too. She said they're setting course for Venus now, to pick up Minako. She's been so brave, you would be proud of her. They'll all be home when you wake up, I promise." He paused to wipe a dirty sleeve across his eyes. "I need you to promise me something, too," he continued, his voice cracking with emotion. "I need you to still be here when they come home. Promise me you'll hold on. Promise me…" He dropped his head to the bed, shoulders trembling.

Artemis turned away sadly. "He's getting worse," Luna said, following him as he made his way slowly back down the hall. "They all are."

He sighed softly, stopping so he could face her. "We're doing everything we can."

Luna looked back over her shoulder. "What if it's not enough?" she asked quietly.

"They've always come through for her when it mattered. We just have to trust that they will again."

After a moment, Luna nodded. "You're right. We can hold on a little longer."

-Distant Future: Deep Space-

Ami combed through her damp hair, waiting for Makoto to finish her turn in the shower. It had been such a long day, all she wanted was to fall into bed and forget for a while. But that would have to wait a little longer. They had decided to try and speak to Rei together. It was tempting to put it off, but she wanted to get it over with. Makoto had been reluctant but, in the end, she'd agreed that it was best to rip the bandage off.

She heard the water shut off and the air dryers turn on. A few minutes later Makoto rounded the corner, dressed in shorts and a tee shirt with her hair wrapped in a towel. She smiled at Ami before digging a brush from her bag. Ami watched as she worked through the tangled chestnut locks, thinking back to years before. She remembered lying in bed, watching over the top of a book as Makoto sat on the edge in a towel to complete her nightly hair ritual. The speech she'd been carefully crafting in her head began to dissolve and she smiled to herself, remembering that she only bothered with the towel some of the time.

"And where did you drift off to?" Makoto teased, bringing her back to the present. Ami blushed at the direction her thoughts had taken, earning a grin from the other woman. "Never mind," she laughed.

Ami cleared her throat and turned away to gathered her things. "Ready?" Makoto followed her to the elevator, wearing a smug expression that said she knew exactly what Ami had been thinking. Their moods sobered, however, as the doors opened onto the main floor of the ship.

They started down the hallway toward their rooms but Ami paused at Rei's door. "This is the right way to handle this, isn't it?" She glanced at Makoto, who looked away with a shrug. She was tempted to turn around and go to her own room, fall into bed, and forget about everything until tomorrow. But she knew that putting it off wouldn't help. She took a deep breath to steady her nerves and knocked lightly. "Rei? It's Ami."

She waited, feeling a bit unsure, until the door slid open. Rei looked between them with bloodshot eyes before turning back to sit on the edge of the bed. Ami hesitated before entering and taking the chair by her desk. Makoto stayed leaning against the open doorway.

"I… we just wanted to see if you needed anything?" Ami said finally.

Rei glanced around half-heartedly. "I'm fine."

"Okay. Good." Ami watched her for another minute. She looked pale and exhausted, but still the same woman they'd known for most of their lives. She wondered how much her time away had changed her, now that the darkness had lifted. "How are you doing, Rei?"

Rei kept her gaze trained on the floor between them, but her knuckles tightened on the blanket beneath her. She shook her head. "I'm not really sure," she said with a sigh.

"We thought that maybe you would want to talk?" Ami continued. "About everything that happened…" she trailed off as Rei's expression fell even more.

Makoto's hand on Ami's shoulder stopped her next question. "Maybe we should all get some rest," she suggested softly.

"Yeah, okay. We don't have to talk about it right now." She stood and moved toward the door but paused and looked back at her old friend. "We're just glad we have you back."

Rei looked up at her finally. "Are you?" Her eyes moved past Ami to Makoto. Ami turned as well, watching the brunette's reaction.

She frowned, crossing her arms tightly. "It's good that you're back," she said finally, "Serenity needs all of us." She let out a heavy sigh as she straightened. "At least, that's what they keep telling us." Her eyes met Ami's briefly before she strode past her out the door.

Ami watched her until she disappeared into her room, hugging her arms around herself. She wanted to go after her and she wanted to stay with Rei, but she wasn't sure she could help either of them. She sighed before turning back to face the fire Senshi. She was staring at the spot where Makoto had been standing. "Rei?" It seemed to take an effort for her to drag her gaze back to Ami. "I am glad you're back. I missed you."

Rei gave her a half smile and nodded. She didn't say anything but her eyes looked a little less haunted. Ami smiled, feeling a little better as she backed out of the room. "Try to get some sleep."

Ami sat up slowly, feeling her aching muscles protest the movement. It was tempting to stay in bed, but she knew she would only feel better if she moved around. She walked stiffly toward the door and paused in the hallway. The only thing that sounded better than a long, hot shower was a cup of coffee. Making up her mind, she made her way to the bridge.

An assortment of mugs had been left next to the full pot by the wall. Someone had also added a second heated pot full of water and a little plate of tea bags. She guessed Chibi-Usa had remembered Rei's preferences and planned accordingly. She filled a cup of coffee, taking a moment to appreciate the rich scent. She picked up her mug and nearly dropped it again as she turned around. Rei was watching her silently from one of the chairs by the window. She let out a shaky breath, gripping her cup with both hands to steady it.

"Sorry," Rei murmured, turning back to the window, "I thought you saw me."

Ami shrugged awkwardly before moving to take the seat beside her. Rei gave her a sideways look and she frowned. "Did you want to be alone?"

Rei's eyes slid back to the black expanse of the window. "I just thought you'd want to avoid me like the others."

Ami frowned. It had been a while since she'd had to face Rei's bluntness. "No," she said slowly. "But I would understand if you might want some time to yourself after… everything."

Rei snorted softly as she reached for her tea. "I've had plenty of time to myself."

Ami took a sip of her coffee to give herself time to respond. Nothing came to mind, though, so she let it drop for now. "Did you sleep at all?" she asked instead.

Rei shrugged. "A little." They sat in silence for a moment before Rei sighed and turned toward her. "I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to avoid me. Any of you." Her gaze dropped to the mug in her hand. "Not after the things I said to you…"

Ami pulled her legs up underneath her and twisted to face Rei fully. "It was the darkness," she said firmly. "You saw what it did to Makoto and me. We understand." She looked out the window at the vast black emptiness for a moment, remembering. "It's almost like a dream now."

Rei shook her head. "I wish it was, then it would be easier to forget." She sat forward, bowing her head as she spoke. "I felt so lost, like time wasn't moving normally. I would see all of us together growing up in the Moon Kingdom, and suddenly we would be in Crystal Tokyo. One minute Minako was beside me and the next I hadn't seen her in over a decade." When she looked back at Ami with tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry for the things I said to you at the shrine. Pulling you into my visions, I had no right."

Ami took another sip of coffee before setting it aside. "Everything you showed us was true. When the darkness started taking over, I felt so helpless. I became obsessed with finding a way to control what was happening. Looking back, I can see that the darkness didn't change me, it just brought my worst thoughts and feelings forward. Just like Makoto. She lost faith in us and took everything onto herself until her courage turned into reckless anger and the belief that she would end up alone." She looked down at her hands, wondering when her need to understand had turned into a need to have complete control.

"I was the same," Rei said softly. "I wanted to help. I wanted to see what was coming, so I could use my power to protect the people I loved. But somewhere along the line, it made me blind to everything else. And Minako…" Rei frowned, hugging her arms around herself. "Do you think she's okay?"

Ami didn't know what to say. Minako had been gone the longest. When she'd left, it had been because she believed she'd lost the love of the one person most important to her. And she remembered what Minako had told her about their last life, the last time she'd lost Rei. She didn't know how the darkness might have pushed her. "I hope so," he said finally. She didn't express her doubts, since she was sure Rei already had plenty of her own. Instead she turned to stare out into the blackness ahead, wondering what they were about to face. There was nothing more they could do but find Minako and hope there was enough of her left to save.

Makoto woke feeling energized. Yesterday had been a trial but overall, she felt that things were getting better. She smiled to herself as she changed into shorts and a tee shirt, thinking of Ami. Things between them felt easier, almost like old times. And she would smooth things over with Rei. Her jaw clenched as the raven moved to the forefront of her thoughts. She would have to talk to her.

She stepped into the hallway and found herself face to face with Hotaru instead. The younger girl rubbed her face groggily as the bedroom door slid closed behind her.

"Morning," Makoto said, taking in her collection of barely healed injuries. Hotaru nodded and muttered a greeting. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged. "Fine."

Makoto's gaze traveled to the closed door and back, realizing the girl wasn't coming out of her own room. "Sleep okay?"

"Sure."

She bit back a smile. "Is Chibi-Usa still asleep?"

"Yeah, she was pretty worn out." Makoto watched as Hotaru's expression froze and a blush raced across her cheeks. "I just stayed with her because she was upset and didn't want to be alone," she added quickly.

Makoto nodded as she considered. Obviously, Hotaru and the princess were close, they'd been best friends for centuries. But perhaps something had changed while she'd been gone. She wondered if Chibi-Usa's change had affected their relationship. Certainly, the princess seemed closer to her guardian than she had when they'd been on Crystal Tokyo. And their interactions since Makoto had returned seemed to suggest a shift in their feelings for each other. She decided not to push it for now. They had enough on their plates already.

"I was going to get in a quick workout before breakfast," she said instead. "Do you think you're up to holding pads for me?"

She glanced up at Makoto and gave her a half smile. "Sure."

"You look pretty rough, still." Makoto observed, moving down the hall toward the living room. "Are you sure?

Hotaru huffed softly as she followed. "I'm alright. It's just a few bruises."

It was obviously more than that, but Makoto let the matter rest. She moved to the mat in the corner and began her stretching routine. Hotaru did the same a few feet away, letting a comfortable silence fall.

"Is Ami still asleep, too?" she asked a few minutes later.

Makoto picked up a set of wraps and began winding one around her hand. She kept her eyes on her task and took care to keep her voice casual. "I don't know. I guess so."

She could feel Hotaru's eyes on her and tried to ignore it as she started on the other hand. "After yesterday I thought… never mind." She picked up a set of pads and held them up. "Ready?"

Makoto threw a few easy strikes then started following along with Hotaru's movements, changing her combination as the other woman shifted her hands. It was a relief that they could fall back into their old rhythm so easily after all this time. So much else had changed.

"Have you spoken to Rei?"

Makoto faltered at the question, dropping her hands briefly. Hotaru took the opportunity to swipe at her head with a pad. Makoto blocked her, barely, and retreated back a step. "A little." She followed a jab with a quick kick, knocking Hotaru off balance with the force. She pressed forward with a series of quick punches, trying not to lose focus as her mind insisted on veering back into the night before. "Have you?"

Hotaru shrugged, frowning at nothing. She relaxed her stance, stepping back. Makoto matched her, wiping a trickle of sweat with her sleeve. She waited as she watched Hotaru struggle through some internal debate.

"I wasn't sure what to say," she said finally. She sighed and sat down heavily in the middle of the mat. "She didn't tell me anything I didn't already know."

"But still…" Makoto sat across from her. She was glad the girl was finally trying to open up, but she wasn't sure what she could say to make her feel better.

"I know what I am," Hotaru continued barely above a whisper. "They needed to keep the princess safe while she looked for all of you, so they sent her with the most dangerous weapon they had left."

"You're more than a weapon, Hotaru," Makoto said firmly, laying a hand on her knee. "They knew she would need you, that all of us would need you. That's why they sent you. You balance each other, just like Ami and I. Or Minako and Rei. Or your parents."

Hotaru smiled at that, but her expression turned somber almost immediately. "Can I ask you something?" Makoto nodded. "Back in the Silver Millennium, that last night…" she bit her lip before meeting Makoto's gaze. "Was the world still worth saving after you lost Ami?"

Makoto frowned as her mind went back to that night. She saw again the ceiling collapsing, trapping them in the smoky hallway. She remembered white walls smeared with black blood and Ami grinning bravely at her, long knives gripped tightly in bloodless fists. One moment, her love had been fighting beside her and the next she wasn't. It had been as surreal then as it seemed now, holding Ami and watching as the light left her eyes. There was nothing after that but rage and pain and then darkness.

Her honest answer to Hotaru was no, nothing had mattered after that moment. But then she remembered the vision Rei had showed them. She knew Hotaru was thinking of it too, wondering what would happen if it came true. She carried the power to destroy worlds. If she lost the person she loved most, would it matter if she destroyed herself too?
"Good morning," Chibi-Usa's cheerful voice startled her from her dark thoughts. "Did you two already wear yourselves out?" she giggled, moving to sit beside her friend.

Hotaru gave Makoto a meaningful look before turning toward the princess with a smile. "Yeah, it was a short session today."

Makoto stood, drawing both girl's attention. "I think I'm going to put something together for breakfast."

Chibi-Usa's smile widened as she watched the brunette stride away. "Have I mentioned that I'm really glad you're here?" she teased. Makoto threw a grin over her shoulder before disappearing down the hall.

Chibi-Usa found Hotaru alone in the living room, bent over a stack of papers. The room was quiet. She wasn't sure where the others had had disappeared to, they'd gone their separate ways after dinner. The conversation had been a little stiff but they seemed to be getting more comfortable with each other.

Hotaru looked up as she approached, smiling tiredly. "Hey."

Chibi-Usa sat beside her, leaning in to see what she was reading. "Ami's report on Venus?" Hotaru nodded, absently straightening the edges. "I thought we were going to wait until tomorrow to start going over all of that."

Hotaru glanced down guiltily. "I thought I'd get a head start," she murmured.

Chibi-Usa smiled, bumping her shoulder playfully. "Good, you can help Ami explain it to the rest of us. Can I help?"

Hotaru chuckled and separated the papers into two stacks. She stifled a yawn with the back of her hand before handing Chibi-Usa her share. When the princess continued to look at her she gave her a tired smile. "I'm fine," she answered the unspoken question. "I'll go to sleep soon."

Chibi-Usa regarded the papers in her hand. "You know we've got a while before we get there."

"I just want to be ready this time." She resumed her hunched posture and went back to reading.

Chibi-Usa frowned at her, setting the stack on the floor before facing her fully. "You didn't do anything wrong on Mars." Hotaru's eyes narrowed but she didn't respond. "You were protecting me." She laid a hand on Hotaru's shoulder but she shrugged it off. She dropped the papers and turned toward her.

"You were getting through to her. I lost control and almost killed her," she said in a low voice. "If you hadn't stopped me-"

"I did stop you," Chibi-Usa reminded her. "And if I need to, I will again. I don't want you to be afraid to use your power."

"You don't know what my powers can do," Hotaru replied tightly.

"Yes, I do," Chibi-Usa reminded her gently. "I was there, remember?"

"Not the first time," Hotaru said miserably. "Not when I destroyed everything and everyone I cared about. I'm the same darkness the rest of you are fighting." Her dark eyes began to shine with tears.

Chibi-Usa gave her a gentle smile and slipped her hand into Hotaru's to give her a reassuring squeeze. "No, you're not." She wondered what had pushed her friend's thoughts so far into the past. "You don't have to be afraid because now you have me. I'll always be there. Your powers might be rooted in darkness, but mine are based in light. We balance each other out."

Hotaru's expression fell and she pulled her hand away. Chibi-Usa frowned at her reaction. "You're right," she said slowly, her gaze suddenly far away. "And one can't exist without the other."

Chibi-Usa sighed, not sure how to respond to the cryptic observation. "Taru, will you please just tell me what's wrong?"

Hotaru stared at her intently for a long moment. "Did Makoto ever tell you the story of her last day in the Silver Millennium?"

"Yes," she responded slowly. "Why?"

"What about Minako?" Hotaru continued, "Did she tell you what happened after Rei died?"

Chibi-Usa considered what she was asking. "Once," she said finally," a long time ago." They sat in silence as she waited for her friend to continue. Suddenly she remembered the vision they'd seen on Mars, Hotaru's eyes black as she drove the point of her glaive down to end everything. She realized what Hotaru was thinking, why her mind had cast back to the last time she'd destroyed a world. She reached out and pulled Hotaru into a tight hug. "That's never going to happen," she said firmly. "She was showing you the worst possible scenario, Taru, it was just the darkness twisting everything."

She held on and slowly Hotaru's arms came around her and she buried her face against Chibi-Usa's shoulder. "If something happened to you…"

"Nothing's going to happen to me," she whispered into her hair. "Because I know you'll always be there to protect me."

Hotaru nodded against her. Chibi-Usa thought back over the last seven months. The vision had scared her too, but this was the first time she'd considered what would happen if she didn't make it through the fight. She always made herself think in terms of when they came back not if. She wondered if Hotaru had been bracing for the opposite this whole time. It was easy to forget her friend's past and everything she'd been through so long ago. She couldn't imagine what she'd felt, when Setsuna asked her to destroy everything and everyone she cared about.

But their world had been ending no matter what she did. Chibi-Usa knew that would be the difference this time. Back then, they'd let things go so far that the only course of action had been to start over. She tightened her hold on her friend. This time would be different, she vowed. It would never get to the point that Rei had shown them. She would make sure of it.