Authors note:
A bit of insight into the events that led to the endless cycle of RESETS in the quest to SAVE Asriel, taking place between Chapters 3 and 4.
...
...
...
The door to the Ruins was heavy and did not give easily. Tired as she was from the events that led her here, it was a struggle just for Frisk to muster enough strength to pull the door open. It gave way, but very slowly, inch by inch, and the snow obstructing it didn't help at all. But finally Frisk had pulled it open just enough to squeeze through, and it closed far more easily than it gave, shutting out the frigid chill with it.
Back in the Ruins. More specifically, the basement of Toriels house. The Ruins themselves were only a short walk away, up some stairs and through the front door. And then...
Not much farther now.
She started walking, hands in her pockets, impersonating her friend Sans. Frisk had taken on shades of virtue from all of her friends in their time together, a little piece from each of them.
Undyne...
Bravery
Alphys...
Integrity
Sans...
Patience
Papyrus...
Perserverence
Toriel...
Kindness
Asgore...
Justice
They molded and combined to form something unique, something that now defined Frisks personality, her core. They were a part of her, as much as she was a part of them.
And she took something away from her time with Asriel too, something that he thought himself incapable of until he met Frisk. Something that was with her all along, but was now so much stronger because of him.
Love
All through the endless resets, it gave Frisk the courage to push on in the hardest times, it gave her the resolve to not give up in the face of impossible odds, the will to always do right by others, and in the moments when it mattered most, it filled her with...
DETERMINATION
The corner turned, and Frisk turned with it. It was a straight shot now, a long walk to reach the stairs leading up to Toriels house, and Frisk found herself lost in thought, drifting through the recesses of her mind as she marched down the interminable hallway. The precious memories that she shared with her friends, the hardships she faced through her tireless journey, and the events that led her to this moment. How it all happened, and why.
The first RESET.
...
"STOPPPPPPPPP!"
Frisk shouted as she darted forward, dagger in hand. The blade was prone, her arm tensed, and in her anger...
FIGHT
"URGH!"
Asgores HP reduced to 1
Bergentruckung, King under the Mountain, dropped to one knee, kneeling in defeat.
"...I see. So that is how it is."
"Asgore..."
His trident fell from his grip and clattered to the ground. His eyes were heavy and he was exhausted, bloody and beaten from the chaotic battle with his small adversary. A memory clouded his vision in that moment.
"...I remember the day my son died..."
Frisk said nothing, frozen in place.
"...the day my children died. Losing my dearest Chara...it was like my very heart had been torn out of my chest. But fate thought that wasn't enough. My son died too, and I felt as if I had lost everything, as if I had nothing left in the world. Once more, everything I held dear had been taken away by the humans."
She still said nothing.
"In my anger, I declared war on humanity. I vowed that I would destroy any human that came to the Underground, and I would use their SOULs to destroy the barrier imprisoning us and set our people free. With that power, I would then wipe out all of humanity from the surface, so we could live peacefully in the world above."
She was like stone.
"My wife, however, became disgusted with my actions, and she left me. I never saw her again. She was all that I had left, and now I've lost even that."
Asgore raised his head now to meet Frisks gaze. His eyes were tear-laden and he was beginning to choke on his sobs.
"The truth is...I never wanted to h-hurt anybody. I was weak, and I did terrible things in my anger. But...this charade has gone on long enough. I can't live like this anymore. I don't want power. I never wanted power. I just want to see my wife again. I just want to see my c-children again..."
He lowered his head again, resigned to his fate, ready for it to all be over.
"Young one, please. You have the power to end this. Finish me off. Take my SOUL, leave this cursed place, and be happy in the world above."
Frisk finally took a step forward now, and then another, and another, until she was face to face with the weakened Asgore. He made no move, no effort to defend himself.
She held the worn dagger out in front of her, pointing it right at Asgores face. He lowered his head and closed his eyes, waiting, ready for the stinging kiss of death to free him from his torment and send him into the next world, whatever and wherever that was.
"It's okay. Do it...please."
She raised the weapon above her head, ready to strike. She had come all this way, braved countless dangers and horrifying situations, desperately clinging to life so she could find her way out, and the only obstacle that stood in her way now was the fallen king before her.
Her arm tensed, and the blade was prone, ready to come down on Asgores head and end his life.
But at the last second, when victory and freedom were within her grasp...
"...no."
MERCY
She lowered her arm, her grip on the dagger loosening until it fell from her hand, clattering to the floor below, merely inches away from the pronged end of Asgores trident.
"...I won't."
It took Asgore a few seconds to realize that he was still alive, and he finally raised his head, meeting with Frisks gaze once more.
"...After everything I've done to you, everything I've put you through...you still won't kill me?"
He lowered his head again, reminding her of what that meant.
"But you'll be trapped down here forever, young one..."
Freedom meant nothing to her if she had to violate every principle she held dear to achieve it, and her strength of character shined strong and true in this moment.
"I don't care what happens to me, Asgore. I won't kill you. I could never hurt you...any of you. If I have to spend the rest of my life down here because of that, then so be it. I can live with that. But I can't live with taking someones life, no matter whose or why. I won't kill you, Asgore. I REFUSE to."
His eyes met with hers again. Shock and disbelief overwhelmed him in that moment, completely beyond words that this one human, his sworn enemy, someone whom he had just tried to murder in cold blood, was sparing him after all that he had done to her, willing to give up any chance of happiness or freedom in the process.
"You remind me so much of my son, young child. He was just like you, always putting others before himself. Chara was everything to him. He loved her like a sister, and he would have done anything for her. He...he would have loved you too, young one. You and he would have been great friends..."
With pride and dignity, Asgore rose to his feet, doing his best to ignore his injuries.
"Young one...I know that we do not have much, but I swear to you, for as long as you are here, we will do our best to take care of you. We will do everything we can to give you a happy life."
Frisk found herself shedding the faintest smile at the thought of what Asgore was now preaching.
"We could watch old movies all day, eating ice cream until we blow up. We could sing songs and read bedtime stories and...and we could be like a...a real family."
And Frisk thought to herself that wouldn't be so bad. She could be happy down here. She could live with that...
"But..."
...but he couldn't.
He broke his gaze with Frisk again, his face contorting into an expression of sorrow and despair, the likes of which Frisk had never seen. So much pain. So much grief.
"But we both know that can never happen. There is no going back for me. There is no redemption for what I've done."
Asgore bent over now, still weakened from his injuries, and clumsily claimed his trident off the floor. At first Frisk thought she was going to have to do battle again, and she took a step back, bracing herself for what she was expecting to follow.
But instead Asgore reversed the grip on his trident, pointing it towards himself.
And all of a sudden Frisk realized...
"No...NO!"
He held the trident out in front of him now, the pronged end aimed squarely at his chest.
"Thank you, young one, for being so kind to me. For showing me that humans are not all bad. For being a...a friend...but without my wife, without my children...I have nothing."
Before Frisk could react...
"Goodbye, young one."
He stabbed inward, the pointy prongs of his trident piercing his armor, digging several inches into his chest. Frisk ran forward to try and stop him, but it was far too late.
A peaceful look of contention fell on Asgores face in the last seconds of his life as his body began to disintegrate, fading away, bit by bit, until there was nothing left but a pile of dust. His SOUL hovered in the air for a few seconds, a white heart pulsing with energy.
And then it cracked and shattered.
And then there was nothing.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
...
"NOOOOO!"
Frisk screamed, choking on her breath as she leaned forward, forcing herself awake. Her breathing was heavy and labored, her senses on pins and needles as she struggled to get her nerves under control. Another restless night plagued with bad dreams.
"Not again..."
She turned and looked at the clock.
2:14 AM
The door swung open.
"FRISK!?"
An immensely worried Toriel barged in, throwing herself at Frisks bedside. She felt a very large furred hand touch her cheek.
"Are you alright, child?"
She nodded, not wanting to worry the elder Boss Monster.
"Just a bad dream."
It wasn't working though, because...
"That's the third one this week, Frisk. Are you sure you're okay?"
She wasn't, and she knew it, but she couldn't tell Toriel what was REALLY bothering her. It would resurface extremely painful memories.
"I'm okay Toriel, really. Just..."
So instead...
"Toriel...why do you hate Asgore so much?"
A deflection, and a rather immediate one at that. Certainly not the kind of question Toriel was expecting to hear.
"What!? What makes you think that I 'hate' him?"
That was much easier to respond to.
"The way you treated him before we all left the Underground..."
Toriel gave a heavy sigh as bad memories of another kind began to bubble up to the surface. Not what Frisk was trying to avoid, but painful all the same.
"It's not that I 'hate' him, Frisk. Hate is a very powerful word, and I don't hate anybody. But Asgore...it's complicated. He has...done things, Frisk. Things that I cannot forgive him for, no matter how hard I try."
Frisk already knew what she was talking about. The six fallen children before her. How Asgore, stricken with grief, took their lives in his campaign against the humans. Even if, ultimately, it was for the good of his people, it was something that Toriel could not forgive him for, even now.
But Toriel knew nothing about the experiments Asgore commissioned unto Dr. Alphys regarding the means of monster resurrection and immortality, the events that led to the creation of Flowey...the reincarnation of Asriel. She wondered how Toriel would react if she knew the whole story behind what he had done.
"And he tried to hurt you, Frisk. He tried to kill you. Even if you forgave him, even if you and he are friends now, it is not something I can overlook. I don't hate him...I still love him, in fact, despite what he has done. But I cannot forgive him for it, nor can I allow myself to be with him. I just can't...it's too painful."
Frisk didn't need to hear anymore. It was something all too similar to what Asriel said, though regarding himself, not those dearest to him.
"I...I understand, Toriel. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
She shook her head. Frisk was not comfortable addressing Toriel as Mom yet, and Toriel was okay with that. She wasn't at all sure that she was ready for such an enormous burden either, the task of raising another child. Not when it had gone so bad before, losing the two most precious people to her in the world. But though their relationship was a cautious one at this stage, Toriel did truly care for Frisk, and hoped that one day they would grow closer, when they were both ready for it. If only she knew.
"It's okay, Frisk. I'm not upset. To be honest, I feel a little better, telling you the truth about us. I was holding it in for too long, and if anyone deserves to know the truth about us, it's you."
She brushed Frisks bobbed hair aside, staring into each others eyes for one long moment before giving Frisk a kiss on the forehead.
"Try and get some sleep, Frisk. I'll make waffles in the morning."
"Okay. Good night Toriel."
"Good night Frisk."
She flicked the light off and closed the door, leaving Frisk to her thoughts again. She lay there in bed, tossing and turning, desperate for her mind to quiet down so she could fall asleep again.
But no sleep would come to her that night.
...
Toriel and Frisk lived in an isolated cottage roughly 10 miles from Mount Ebott. While their legs could only carry them so far, the memories of that place haunted Toriel and she wanted to be as far away from it as feasibly possible. The years of being a recluse had an influence on this decision, and she herself was hesitant about mingling with humans at such a tense juncture, which was part of the reason why they moved to such a secluded area.
The monsters, while happy that they had their freedom, were highly skeptical of the humans, knowing that they had once been imprisoned by them simply for being different, and knew it was going to take some time to be accepted among their kind without prejudice. Frisk turned down Asgores request to be their Ambassador, not because she didn't want the job, but because she didn't feel she was the right person for it. She knew nothing about politics, human relations, or anything else about the world above, even though she herself was a human and came from somewhere in the overworld. But there was a reason for that, and it was one that Frisk still struggled to cope with.
But at the moment she had bigger things to worry about. Like all her friends, like the monsters she migrated with, Frisk had no idea what to do or where to go, and it was going to be a lions challenge to find her way and settle in to things. Initially she thought about going her separate ways, trying to find her own path, but though the urge to leave was a strong one, she recalled the final promise she made to Asriel, to "take care of Mom and Dad", and it was enough to make her want to stay. Toriel seemed a bit reluctant at first, hesitant about the prospect of raising another child, but she had grown fond of Frisk in their short time together and, feeling like she was being given another chance, she took the young child under her wing. They walked down the summit hand in hand, searching for a new life, a place to call home.
Things were good for a while. Everyone went their own way, exploring the world above. Asgore went from county to county, negotiating peaceful agreements with the humans, trying to make good with the humans and put monsters in a better light. Alphys and Undyne really hit it off, spending nearly every day at the beach, cherishing every moment together. Sans and Papyrus simply wanted to explore, to see what life on the surface was all about. They traveled a lot, riding side by side in Papyrus's red convertible and Sans's tricycle (with Papyrus always losing the race, somehow), and after nearly a month had practically seen everything the overworld had to offer.
Most of them stayed in touch with one another, and while Toriel didn't want Asgore to be anywhere near her, he was still a friend of Frisks after all was said and done, and she allowed him to visit. Though Toriel was always weary of him and closely watched over Frisk in his presence, the two of them did indeed grow a little closer in their time together, and Toriel softened up to him a little bit. They still weren't anything remotely close to friends, but she was able to at least be civil with him.
Not a perfect ending, but things were good for the most part. Amost everybody was happy. Almost everybody had closure, in one way or another.
Except for Frisk. And it wasn't something that was immediately obvious.
It built over time, little by little with each passing day. An oily, nagging feeling of guilt, remorse, and sympathy, all directed at the one person she was unable to SAVE, the one person she had left behind. The young Prince Asriel Dreemurr, the little dorky furball that sacrificed everything, his only chance at happiness, to ensure the happiness of Frisk and those he held most dear, relegating himself to a fate worse than death in doing so.
At first it was just a passing feeling, something that nudged at Frisk every so often but never stuck around. It might divert her attention for a second or two, but she would quickly shake it off and go about her business. Little by little that horrible feeling grew, became stronger, more oppressive, the longer it had to fester. It began to occupy her thoughts more and more, and she soon found herself staring at Mount Ebott from their house, her bedroom window, the backyard, more and more often, sometimes hours at a time.
The days became weeks, and eventually that nagging feeling of regret and shame turned to full-blown depression. Asriel was all she could think about. How she left him behind, how lonely he was, how awful it must have been, not being able to feel anything, not love, not happiness, not anything. Toriel didn't pick up on it immediately, but little by little it began to show, the toll it was taking on Frisk. She barely spoke anymore, she never smiled, always distracted, sometimes completely catatonic to the world around her.
The depression became so severe that it began to have a physical effect on Frisk. Most nights she didn't sleep at all, and the nights that she did sleep through were plagued with bad dreams. She became lethargic, always drained of energy. She had lost all motivation for enjoying the daily things she used to love doing. She often had no appetite, even once going as long as three days without eating a single bite. It began to show in a rather grim way, the loss of weight (and Frisk was already quite thin to begin with), the dark sagging rings under her eyes, and her loss of interest in just about everything. All she could think about was him. All she could see in her head was him. It was an obsession of the most unhealthy sort, but one that Frisk could not pry herself away from, one that she felt responsible for, for 'failing' him. Everyone else got their happy ending, but not him.
"Asriel..."
She sat, staring at the sun as it began to set behind Mount Ebott, casting its dying glow over the all-encompassing landscape. It was another long day of gutwrenching despair for Frisk, another day of many hours staring at the mountain. Another day of stress-inducing worry for Toriel, as she struggled to understand what was wrong with Frisk, why she seemed to be this way.
But this time...
"...I have to go see him."
Frisk finally decided. She couldn't take it anymore. She had to see for herself what was going on with him, if her concerns were justified.
"First thing in the morning."
...
The night passed slowly, a long sleepless one, with Frisk constantly glancing at the clock and out the window, her despair-filled mind never giving her a moments reprieve.
4:56 AM
She was up, not even with a stretch or a yawn, just an aimless shamble out of bed. She threw on her blue long-sleeve, some shorts and her boots, and not even two minutes later she was out the door, with only some crackers and a couple of water bottles in her napsack. On her bike (a gift from Sans), peddling towards the mountain. She was tired, sluggish, and barely had enough energy to make the trip one way, let alone all the way back, but she pushed on through sheer DETERMINATION, the burning desire to see her friend again, regardless of what was to come. The sun was just barely cresting the horizon, giving her enough light to find her way.
An hour and a half later, she had reached her destination, the rocky path at the foot of Mount Ebott. A few minutes of hiking up the trail followed, something that wore on Frisk even worse than the bike riding. Climbing up hill is always harder than climbing down, but Frisk paced herself and pushed through it.
And before she knew it, she was staring at the entrance into the mountain, the barrier no longer impeding anything from leaving. Her breathing was heavy and labored from exhausiton, her knuckles white from chronic fear and anxiety, not at all sure what she was expecting to see.
She went inside.
The morning light shone deep into the hallway, almost hitting the wall at the far end. A few hundreds yards in and Frisk had passed by the grassy patch where she had encountered Flowey for the last time, when he...
...the throne room was just ahead. It was going to be a long walk to the place where she was going, the Ruins where she had fallen the first time, where she expected Asriel...Flowey, to be waiting, living out what little remnant of a life he had left, if you could even call it that. She didn't know how she was going to make it all the way there and back, her exhaustion building to the point where she could barely walk anymore, but nonetheless, she pressed on. The next hallway was in sight.
But suddenly...
"Why are you here?"
A voice from behind, one that was all too familiar. Frisk spun around to see.
There was now a lone flower sprouted in the grassy patch she had just walked past. It was turned away from her so she couldn't see it from the front, but...
"You shouldn't have come back, Frisk."
It turned, its gaze meeting with Frisk. The difference was immediately recognizable, even after all this time. That face, no longer displaying an apathetic grin. No longer a sinister smile hiding devious intentions or horrifying philosophies of the world. Just...emptiness. But familiar all the same.
It was him.
"Asriel...It's you. I've missed you."
To say that was a severe understatement, but it wasn't a lie. Flowey gave its 'head' just the slightest tilt, immediately breaking eye contact with Frisk.
"Asriel is gone...I'm all that remains of him now."
Frisk staunchly refused that answer, seeing right through the facade. He was Flowey again, but she could tell...there was SOMETHING there. A flicker, faint, but undeniable. He had indeed lost most of who he was, but not all of it.
"That's not true. I know you're still in there, Asriel."
She believed that with every fiber of his being, and he gave just the slightest flinch in response. He paid it no mind though, instead reiterating an earlier question.
"Why did you come back, Frisk?"
This time she gave him an answer.
"I wanted to see you again, Asriel. I've missed you."
Flowey was like stone. Not a grin, not even a subtle sneer. Just...nothing. But his cynicism and snarkiness was there, all the same.
"You missed me. What a joke."
He turned away from her again.
"I'll bet this is hilarious to you, seeing me like this."
A cheap shot, but Frisk took it in stride.
"Do I look like I'm laughing?"
He shook his head.
"It doesn't matter. This is the way things are, Frisk."
"Asriel..."
She took a few steps forward now, slowly, tentatively, until she was within arms reach of Flowey. She knelt down to his level and put a hand to his 'face', turning his gaze to hers again.
"I want you to come with me."
He just stared at her for one long, pregnant moment, perhaps trying to process what he just heard her say, if he really heard it. It made him bitter.
"Are you stupid or something!? Go back with you!? Like this!?"
He stared down at his roots sticking out of the grass.
"Look at me, Frisk. I'm disgusting. I'm hideous. I'm NOTHING. I have NOTHING. I feel NOTHING. Do you really think my parents would want to see me like this? Do you think they'd forgive me for all the horrible things I've done?"
She did.
"I think they love you and would want to see you no matter what."
A new expression took shape on Floweys face, one that was immediately recognizable, because Frisk had seen it once before, right after Asriel had cracked the barrier.
Fear.
"I can't go back like this, Frisk...I can't just come back into their lives like this. It would be torture to them, to see what I've become. It's better if they just forget I ever existed."
Frisk was defiant though.
"This is wrong, Asriel! You don't deserve this! There HAS to be a way!"
But he gave that thought no chance to grow on him.
"Oh, really? Do you have seven human SOULS for me to conjure another body, Frisk? Are you willing to go out and murder seven people just to SAVE me?"
She turned away from him.
"That's what I thought...and I wouldn't want you to anyway."
"BUT..."
Despite Frisks best efforts to comfort him, all she ended up doing was causing him more pain. He hung his head low again, faced with overwhelming grief and despair. There was no other way, and he knew it. Deep down, she did too.
"It's too late, Frisk. I don't have a SOUL anymore. Maybe if I did, I would have been able to maintain my body, but it's too late now. I've already turned back into a flower, and I can't RESET anymore. That power belongs to you now. But I wouldn't do it even if knew I still had that power. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore. I just want everyone else to be happy, to have what I can't. And I wish...I really wish that it didn't have to be this way, but it does. It's too late for me, Frisk. All I can do is accept it and live with what I am, with what I've done."
"Asriel..."
He turned away from her again and started crying, an urge that Frisk was trying to resist with every ounce of strength she had within her. She felt powerless. She felt awful. Before her stood a friend in desperate need of comfort and closure, and she could do nothing to help him.
"Just...go, Frisk. Please, just go."
"But..."
Now he started screaming.
"GO! JUST GO, FRISK! GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! STOP BEING SO NICE TO ME AND JUST GO! DON'T COME BACK!"
And then the tears started flowing for her, completely unabated. Not because her feelings were hurt, that was easy to shake off given Asriels situation. She was crying because she felt such soul-crushing despair that it overwhelmed every sense she had, unable to help her friend in even the slightest way. There was absolutely nothing she could do.
Before she knew it, she was running, sprinting as fast as her legs could carry her. Out the mountain entrance, down the trail, back to her bike, peddling home as fast as her legs could piston. She couldn't help him, and it overwhelmed her such that the only thing she could do was distance herself from the pain as best she could.
"Please...don't come back, Frisk. You deserve so much better...you all do. Please, just forget about me and live your life. Be happy."
But there was no possibility of that whatsoever.
It wasn't long before Frisk found herself back home, on the front doorstep of her cottage. She threw her bike into the grass, not at all caring about damaging or staining it, and slowly marched up the porch stairs to the front door. The sun was higher in the sky now, it had to be at least 9 or 10 in the morning, and Toriel must have been worried sick at this point. That thought didn't even cross Frisks mind though until she opened the door.
"FRISK! THERE YOU ARE!"
Toriel was standing at the window, the fur on her face visibly matted and clumped, damp from so much crying. Frisk had given her quite the scare in her absence.
"Toriel..."
And she was angry.
"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, FRISK!? I was worried SICK!"
Not for a second did Frisk entertain the notion of telling her the truth. She made a promise to Asriel...to Flowey...not to tell anyone about him, and she understood his reasons why. And damned if she was going to break that promise now.
"I just had to get some air, to get away from here for a little while. I'm okay though...really."
But that was a flat out lie and Toriel saw right through it. She chided Frisk, hands on her hips, harshly tapping her paw on the wooden floor beneath her.
"No, you're NOT okay, Frisk! You haven't been okay for weeks now! Don't think I haven't noticed! You're always staring at that mountain. You almost never respond when I'm calling to you. You don't eat, you barely sleep, and you...what is going ON, Frisk!? What's wrong!? Please, tell me! Let me help you!"
There was no helping Frisk with what plagued her though. So she kept pretending.
"I'm fine, Toriel. Really, I'm okay."
"BUT..."
And her anger got the better of her. Like Flowey...
"I SAID I'M FINE! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
And Frisk stormed off to her room, leaving Toriel completely dumbfounded where she stood. The tears began rolling again, down her face and to the floor below, splashing the fur of her paws. Her concern became overwhelming pain, and it turned to grief, and then self-loathing, fueled by the feeling of failure. Failure as a mother. Not being able to comfort your child.
"Frisk..."
She called out as Frisk ascended the stairs, two by two. Scampering down the hall, into her room and slamming the door behind her.
Then she slid down against the door and started crying again, like a baby begging for its bottle.
It was a terrible feeling weighing down on Frisk, crushing her will in every way imaginable, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It was killing her, slowly and painfully, and only now did she begin to see the effect it was truly having. Her guilt, her shame, the feeling of hopelessness and uselessness, to be unable to help someone who needed it desperately. And now here she was, lashing out at everyone else, people who cared about her, people who were only concerned for her well being when she was giving every sign that she herself was hurting and needed help.
"Toriel...I'm sorry."
Saying it to herself did nothing to make her feel better though. She knew there was only one thing to do. With no small amount of effort she rose to her feet and gently pulled open the door she had been leaning against, slipping back into the hallway. To go find Toriel, to apologize.
But she didn't have to go far. A voice from the living room. Toriel was on the phone with someone, and the cracked strain in her voice was a telltale sign of distress. Curious, Frisk ducked out of sight from the rail and listened in.
And it was pretty clear who was on the other end.
"She won't talk to me, Sans..."
While she couldn't hear his voice or what he was saying, it wasn't so difficult to deduce based on Toriels responses.
"I don't know what to do. She won't talk to me, she doesn't eat anymore, she doesn't sleep, she doesn't enjoy doing anything. She's not happy. It's like she's...like she's lost the will to live."
"kids get sick, toriel. i'm sure it's just a phase thing. she'll come around."
"This was exactly how it was before, when Chara...oh dear God, Sans, I'm losing her! I-I...all I wanted was for her to be happy, to give her a good life, away from the madness of what happened, but now she's...she's gonna die, and I..."
"calm down, toriel. she's not gonna die. she'll get through this, and so will you."
Now Toriel was on her knees, sobbing uncontrollably, holding herself.
"OH GOD, SANS! I CAN'T LOSE ANOTHER ONE! NOT AGAIN!"
"Mom..."
That was the first time Frisk had genuinely referred to Toriel by that moniker.
In that moment, she felt as if her very heart had been torn from her chest and shoved right into her face. The soul-crushing despair Frisk had felt earlier was now weighing on her like nothing she had ever felt, as if someone had tied bags of cement to her shoulders and forced her to march through a foot of water. It was all Frisk could manage to lifelessly shuffle her way back to her room, closing the door behind her. She walked over and sat on her bed.
After overhearing Toriels little breakdown, it was all too obvious to Frisk now. The guilt, the depression, the anger of futility...it WAS killing her. It was like a poison, leeching the life out of her, little by little. And it wasn't just her, it was affecting those around her, those closest to her, being pushed away, having to watch as the will to live was slowly and violently sucked from Frisks very core. It wasn't long before she realized a very frightening but eye-opening truth.
"I...I can't keep going like this."
And she knew it now. If this kept up, she was either going to be left all alone, or she was going to drop dead of depression. It was clear to her now, this was no way to live. It was eating her alive, and she had to do something about it.
But what?
"I can't RESET anymore. That power belongs to you now."
Floweys words, and his voice giving them life, suddenly filled Frisks ailing mind. That power. RESET.
"Belongs to you now..."
Not even a second later Frisk reached out her hand, towards nothing. Nothing, but at the same time...something. Something latent, buried deep within. Something she did not even know she possessed...until now.
And then it appeared. Two glowing panels, side by side.
TRUE RESET
DO NOT
An option. A chance to try again. To start over. To find an answer.
"But...what about everyone else?"
That thought scared her even worse. Living with herself and her failure was one thing, but she couldn't forget what all of her hard work was for, to secure the happiness of everyone else. Their freedom. Their futures. What she was now contemplating would mean taking it all away from them, everything she worked so hard to achieve, for them. Their happy ending.
Except...was it really so happy? Maybe for Sans and Papyrus. Maybe for Alphys and Undyne. But Frisk wasn't the only one without closure. Toriel was still at arms with Asgore, their relationship in shambles with no hope of recovery, and neither one of them could ever be truly happy the way things stood. There's nothing worse for a parent then losing their child, and they never even had a chance to say goodbye, to either of them. Even after all this time, it's not something they could get over, now or ever. It would haunt them to the end of their days. Frisk knew in her heart, this couldn't be the best result.
"There HAS to be a better possible outcome then this..."
And it was all tied to him, that better outcome. And Frisk knew that her ending, and theirs, could only be truly happy if he was a part of the picture. And that decided it for her.
"I have to try again."
A knock on the door. It cracked open ever so slighty.
"Frisk?"
It was Toriel, of course. The door opened all the way. She was standing there, her face a matted mess from an endless cascade of tears. Her robes were visibly damp and she looked like she had a lot more to give.
Frisk was like stone, not the slightest movement.
"Frisk...please, talk to me."
She walked in and sat on the edge of the bed, within arms length of Frisk. Frisk still wouldn't turn to acknowledge her.
The tears started again.
"I...I'm sorry. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean to..."
A heavy sigh followed a tense moment of silence. Frisk wasn't budging. She wasn't saying a word.
"I understand, Frisk. I'll leave you be."
But before Toriel could stand up and walk away, she felt a much smaller hand close over hers.
Frisks hand.
"No...I'm the one who's sorry, Mom."
Saying it out loud, giving it life. She wasn't Toriel to her anymore. She was Mom.
"Frisk! Y-you called me Mom! I..."
Now Frisk was the one crying.
"I'm s-sorry, Mom. I'm sorry for treating you the way I did. I'm sorry for worrying you so much. It's nothing that you did, nothing that you said. It's me."
Toriel inquired further, trying to comprehend the situation.
"Frisk?"
"I left someone behind, Mom. When we left the mountain over a month ago. A friend. A very dear friend. And I felt so bad that I went back to see him this morning, hoping to bring him back with me.. But he...he..."
The sobbing intensified. Frisk was dangerously close to breaking that promise she had made to Asriel in their final moments together. She caught it just in time, and instead drew the spotlight back to her.
"I-I'm a terrible person. I've treated you so badly when all you've ever done is try to give me a better life. You deserve so much better than that, Mom. I'm s-s-s..."
Immediately Toriel dropped to her knees and pulled Frisk into a spine-crushing hug, one full of motherly love and warmth. Frisk rested her head on Toriels shoulder and took it all in. She held Frisk as tight as she was able to without hurting the fragile child, one hand cupping the back of her head, rocking her back and forth ever so gently.
"It's okay, Frisk. It has been hard on all of us. I'm just worried. I just want to know that you're okay, Frisk..."
That she could answer truthfully...at least from a certain point of view.
"I'll be okay, Mom.. I just have to do something. Something very important."
"What's that, Frisk?"
And the two panels were in front of Frisk again, behind Toriel, who could not see them.
TRUE RESET
DO NOT
There was no turning back once she made her decision, and she would have to be committed, to be willing to go all the way once she carried it out, but she knew that if she was going to do it, it was now or never. She couldn't go another day like this.
She took a deep breath, quashing her sobs long enough to regain emotional control.
She was ready.
"I love you, Mom."
Toriel responded in kind immediately.
"I love you too, Frisk."
And she reached out and touched it.
TRUE RESET
A whirlwind of chaos ensued. Everything began to spin. Her peripheral vision became a clouded mess, obscurred by the blur of motion.
And then everything went dark.
...
It was bright.
"W...where am I?"
Sunlight beamed directly onto Frisks face as she opened her eyes, and she was forced to shut them again, the glare too strong for her to stare into. Eyes closed, she sat up, pushing herself up with the palms of her hands, feeling the spongy dampness of soil beneath her. And something else too.
She looked around.
She was lying in a flower bed. A flower bed in a rocky cavern. Above her was a hole. THE hole.
"I...I'm back in the Ruins?"
She stood, and she was amazed by the relative ease that she had in doing so. She was no longer sporting her ailments from the previous timeline. The regret, the guilt and the shame was there, but in a very minute amount now. No lethargy, no fatigue, no pain, no tiredness, no lack of apetite. She felt normal again, at least in a relative sense.
And not even a second later she heard a voice.
"Howdy!"
One oh so familiar, but one that shouldn't be. She stood and turned around.
It was him.
"I'm Flowey! Flowey the flower!"
She was back. Everything was as it was before, as if nothing had ever happened, and nobody remembered anything. Not even him.
A clean slate.
A chance to try again.
...
"The stairs."
Frisk had finally reached the end of the hallway, stopping at the foot of the stairs leading into Toriels house. She was still lost in thought, reflecting on the events that led up to this moment.
That was how this farce all began. The cycle of endless resets in the search for a way to save the young Prince Dreemurr from his horrible fate, an eternity of isolation and loneliness, a self imposed exile to the now-deserted Underground, unable to feel anything for anyone ever again. She might die once or twice along the way, but it would only impede her progress for a few moments. Her power to SAVE and RESET ruled supreme in the Underground, gave her what was effectively 'Immortality', more or less, and eventually she would reach the climax of her journey and secure everyones freedom once more.
But it was all the same. An eternity of torment and exile in Asriels future, with no possible way to SAVE him, no way to bring him back. It was no better than before.
But knowing that she had the power to try again hardened her resolve, and Frisk was not going to give up so easily. And so she tried again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
And again.
One reset became ten. Ten resets became a hundred. A hundred became hundreds, and so on. A seemingly infinite cycle of resets, all fueled by nothing more than Frisks own DETERMINATION, her hopes and dreams, her desire to SAVE the life of someone she cared for dearly.
But no matter how many times Frisk tried, no matter how much effort she gave, the climax of each attempt, the bittersweet reunion with her friend...it always ended in heartbreak.
"I...I have to go, Frisk."
A few moments of tearful bonding, and then...
"Frisk...don't you have anything better to do?"
Every.
"I can't go back, okay!?"
Single.
"I just can't!"
Time.
"Asriel..."
At some point the monotony of the situation began to plague Frisks mind, wondering what she was really hoping to accomplish, what the point of it all was, when every single attempt was met with utter failure. A new kind of guilt began to weigh down on Frisk, as if someone had anchored empty buckets on her shoulders and slowly filled them with water, a little at a time. Stripping the happy ending she worked so hard for away from her dearest friends, again and again and again. Irresponsibly wielding the power she commanded over time and space, the ability to wipe everyones memories and RESET the timeline, to start anew.
That was bad enough, having to confront the horror of what she was doing to those she held most dear. But what was worse for her was that it all seemed to be going nowhere. It was proving fruitless. Endless hours and hundreds, possibly even thousands of runs into this charade now, and the end result was always the same.
But why? Why wasn't it working? Was this really the way things were? Was it asking too much? To SAVE just one more person? Fate is cruel, as most people know. It can give you everything you ever desired, but with the same hand it can take everything away from you. Frisk felt like quite the sucker by this point, as if the Gods themselves were dangling a carrot in her face, a piece of tantalizing bait for Frisk to follow, only to remain forever out of reach. 'Come little fishy, see my hook,' as the saying goes. Frisk began to hate everything. She began to hate her power, and worse, she began to hate HERSELF, having come so far, done so much, caused so much suffering to those closest to her, even if they didn't remember any of it. Only for it to amount to nothing.
But there was more to it then that. Something WAS missing. Even with all the doubt strangling Frisks resolve, there WAS something there. A detail. Something she had overlooked. And she knew as much. It nagged at her, never for a second giving her a reprieve. In fact, it was right under her nose, so close she could taste it. But it was too close, and this kept her from seeing it for what it was.
And at the end of one such run, she began to explore that question. Standing just outside of the Ruins entrance, after another visit with Asriel. Beating her frail fists on the rocky walls in futility. Another failed attempt. But why?
...
"Why, Asriel?"
She asked herself.
"Why can't I SAVE you?"
Not expecting any sort of answer to be forthcoming.
"What am I missing? What more can I possibly do?"
It was always the same. Asriel would apologize, destroy the barrier, restore everyone, and leave. It was the same every time. But why?
"What do I have that he doesn't?"
What was keeping him here? What was dooming him to turn back into Flowey? It...
"WAIT A MINUTE..."
As soon as her mind caught the tail end of that thought, she could suddenly hear Asriels voice in her head, giving her memories weight and force.
"He..."
Destroying the barrier, restoring everyone, and then...
"Without a SOUL of my own, I can't keep maintaining this form."
It finally dawned on her.
"Without a SOUL of my own..."
What she had been missing all along.
"...a SOUL of my own..."
The answer she had been looking for.
"...a SOUL..."
"...a SOUL! He needs a SOUL!"
Just like that. It was amazing how well hatred and self pity served to clarify matters. A SOUL. It was so simple, right under her nose the whole time, and she suddenly wondered, kicking herself, why she didn't see it before? A SOUL. Of course. Every time he had cracked the barrier, he returned the SOULs he had absorbed from everyone back to their rightful owners, but in doing so left himself with nothing. Hollow, empty, with nothing to cling to. Nothing for his body to hold itself together. He needed a SOUL. That was the answer. Suddenly, finally, EVERYTHING made sense.
Except...did it? If what Frisk assumed was really the case, then it only left her with a new riddle, a new problem to solve. Asriel needed a SOUL, that much was clear to her now, but...
"But what can I do about it?"
Indeed. Asriels own SOUL was long gone, being that a monsters SOUL, even one as powerful as a Boss Monsters SOUL, can only persist outside of its body for so long, meant it could not possibly have survived all this time. Short of going back in time, Frisk knew of no way to restore or recover Asriels original SOUL. Therefore, he needed a replacement. It didn't seem that farfetched to conceive, a replacement for his SOUL, given that his body was technically a replacement too, a powerful magical replica of the original, with all of his memories and feelings intact. So Frisk went with that.
A number of possibilities ran through Frisks mind in that moment, but almost all of them proved unworkable, or unfathomable for Frisk to even consider. She could do another run, kill someone and take their SOUL to give to Asriel, but as soon as the idea even crossed her mind, it morally repulsed her. She knew she could never bring herself to do such a thing, not ever, so that was out.
She could ask Asriel to keep one SOUL for himself after cracking the barrier, but that would be unfair to whomever was unlucky enough to be the victim of that solution, and Asriel would never go for it. He could keep one of the six fallen childrens SOULs for himself, since they were already dead and their SOULs had no body to go back to, but again, Asriel would never even consider doing such a thing, given what those children had already been through, trapped in their 'prisons' for so long.
And of course someone could give their soul WILLINGLY to Asriel, but that seemed unlikely as well. Had it been Toriel or Asgore, Frisk was certain that they'd give up their SOULs for him without any hesitation. There's nothing that a parent wouldn't do for their child, if they truly loved them. But that would involve breaking her promise, and that was something she just couldn't do.
Even if she did, Asriel still probably wouldn't go for it. Even if someone offered him a SOUL willingly, he loathed himself and his actions so much that he would, in all likelihood, turn it away, feeling like he didn't deserve it. Not without a hell of a lot of convincing, at least. And besides Toriel and Asgore, nobody even knew who Asriel was, certainly not Undyne or Papyrus. Sans and Alphys were privy to his existence to some degree, but they were out of the question too. So there was no one left to make this scenario workable.
No one except...
"...then it has to be ME."
The reality of what Frisk had just deduced did not set in immediately. Indeed, what she had just concluded was, for lack of a better word, suicide. It seemed inconceivable, the idea of giving up her own SOUL for someone she barely knew, especially considering that she had no idea whether or not it would even work.
And yet, Frisk didn't write it off immediately. After all, had she NOT braved countless situations in which death was not only a strong possibility, but even a certainty in some cases? While it would have been a truth difficult to stomach for anyone else, Frisk had died more than a few times to get here and slowly learned of her power as it happened, her ability to SAVE, to try again. It was only through Flowey that she learned just how deep her power ran, but she still knew about it to some degree long before he said anything, through innumerable deaths in overcoming what seemed like impossible odds at the time. Undyne the Undying, Mettaton, the showdown with Asgore and quite a few at the hands of Asriel himself, when she finally understood that she had the power to refuse DEATH itself. Dying was not something that Frisk was unfamilar with, and the only real difference this time was that, if she actually played this scenario out, Frisk would be giving up her life WILLINGLY, rather than having it forcibly taken from her.
And Asriel was no longer a stranger to her. Over the countless resets, she had spent an unfathomable amount of time with him, getting to know him. He was like a brother to her now, the closest person in her life, even if he didn't feel the same way. That wasn't his fault of course, not having recollection of the countless runs Frisk had trot through to get to where she was.
But if she really were to go through with this, what would that mean, in reality? What would truly happen if Frisk were to lay down her life, surrender her SOUL willingly, rather than having it stripped from her by force? Would she still be able to SAVE and RESET after it was all said and done? Would that power transfer ownership to the one who inherited her SOUL, or would it simply be lost altogether? Though she pondered what the inevitible outcome would be, the answers eluded her. She just didn't know.
"Asriel..."
In a stunning display of bravado, perhaps not fully considering the consequences of her actions or what she stood to lose, Frisk turned about and marched back into the tunnel, back towards the flower bed. She wasn't thinking in that moment, only acting, and her courage was running exceptionally high in that moment. It did not wane as she emerged once more into the flower bed, and she was ready to put her theory to the test, to give him her SOUL, despite the prospect of certain death weighing down on her...
...only Asriel wasn't there any more.
"Where did he go?"
But he WAS there.
A lone flower stood out from the others, in the center of the bed. It was turned away from Frisk so she couldn't see the front of it, but its posture, its size, its detailed frame...she knew, without a doubt.
It was HIM. He had already reverted back.
"I was too late..."
While horribly distraught at yet another roadblock impeding her mission, he did not notice her presence, and she didn't give him a chance to find out. Discreetly she turned around and backtracked through the tunnel, to the entrance of the Ruins.
Leaning against the wall.
"Now what?"
it wasn't a permanent impediment, Asriel reverting back into Flowey. It would simply require another reset and the need for action during the brief window in which Asriel was still in his original form. So the option was still on the table.
But only then did her rational mind take the wheel again, and her sudden rush of courage vacated her. Abject terror filled the void left in its place, because she now knew the truth of her situation, what the answer was, and what the ultimate cost would be if she went through with it.
"To SAVE him...I have to die."
And yet, Frisk suddenly found herself staring face to face with it again.
TRUE RESET
DO NOT
Realistically, Frisk had two options: Give up and move on with her life, or put her theory to the test and try to SAVE him one last time. It was obvious to Frisk at this point that she would never be able to live with herself if she gave up, but now fully appreciating what the price would be if she were to follow this newfound discovery to its inevitible conclusion, Frisk found it difficult not to be afraid. She found herself shaking where she stood, terrified by the very notion of what she was contemplating carrying out, because she knew deep down, if she followed through with this, there would be no turning back.
A long pause in thought followed a heavy sigh from Frisk as she closed her eyes, carefully weighing her two options. The urge to give up was a very strong one, despite finally having the answer she sought, after an eternity of struggle and heartache endured to earn it. Knowing full well that she would be devoured by immense depression again, multiplied exponentially by the shame of having given up willingly.
But even as she stood there, her eyes closed, all she could see was "him." All she could hear in her thoughts was "him." Her friend. And there was more than just his life at stake.
There was the happiness of her friends to consider. What it might mean for Toriel and Asgore, if she were successful. The chance to SAVE THEM too.
And she was filled with DETERMINATION.
"One more time..."
TRUE RESET
...
"Asriel..."
She was still standing at the foot of the stairs, staring upwards into the inky void. Her focus finally came back to her, where she was at, how close she was to the end of her journey. What she was about to do.
A distant thought suddenly popped into Frisks head, remembering what the resident monsters had said at the end of their narration of Asriels story, during her journey through New Home. A cryptic, ominous foretelling at the time, but now something that seemed fittingly appropriate for her current situation
You should be smiling too...you're going to be free.
It made a sick kind of sense to her now.
Yeah...I guess I am.
And she even let one take form on her face as she took that first step up the stairs, into Toriels house.
I'm going to SAVE you, Asriel, and I'm going to bring you home. I swear it.
Towards him.
"A single spark of courage can ignite the fires of hope."
Jace Malcom - Star Wars: The Old Republic