16
Kurt's Pov
It's a good thing I'm used to living in trailers or I'm sure I wouldn't have gotten a wink of sleep last night. Even though sleeping on a cold, hard floor is still really uncomfortable. I might have to get an appointment with Jenny to get all the knots out of my back after we get out of here. Where the thoughts that I woke with.
Stirring from the position I had shifted into while asleep I noticed that there was still a barrier surrounding Raven and that is starting to worry me. Seeing as it's our second day here then that means that she hasn't had anything to eat or drink in around thirty hours. How long can a human go without water again? Before I could think more on the subject I felt all of my senses tingle with warmth and energy as a somehow already familiar voice entered my head.
Good morning Mr Voss, I do hope I didn't wake you, or that's what I would say if I didn't already know that you were in fact awake. Stellan entered my head with the sensation of summer wind and the smell of cinnamon.
Good morning to you too I guess. I answered out of reflex and regretted it the moment the words left my mouth, why can't I sound cool around him? Where is the laid back rock star persona that I have spent half my life perfecting? And now I sound like a teenage girl with a crush even to myself.
Yes, you do sound like a thirteen-year-old, Stellan perked up from his nosing around in my mind, but then again to me most people seem like they have that inelegance level so nothing to be ashamed of there. He said in a non-sealant way and wandered off again.
I what, I yelled after him. Hey, you can't just go snooping about, it's my head for Pet's sake. I told him once I had caught up.
Sure I can, he turned to me smiling and that smile might just have made me weak in the knees if I had seen it in real life, your mental shields' are incredibly weak anyone could walk right in and have a look, I don't even think I would need your permission to look at your memories. He hummed the last part making me appreciate the way his voice rumbled with the sound. Yeah, I'm falling way too fast.
Anyway, as interesting as this is, he waved a hand at the collage-like part of my mind that was currently replaying the memory of first seeing Stellan at the wedding. Please kill me now, I actually need you to connect your mind to Ray's again like you did yesterday so that I and Tanya can take a look inside and see if we can wake her up.
After I noticed that my soulfinders seemed to not take any personal interest in using my memories to make the situation more awkward I decided to try and not let my embarrassment get the better of me. Yeah, I can do that, just give me a second. I said concentrating on the girl in front of me.
A second later I found myself in the same room where I had left kid-Raven yesterday. She looked older again, now wearing a light blue dress which had a red asymmetrical pattern on the front left side. Then again it could be paint seeing as her face was covered in it too.
That's not paint, Stellan said appearing beside me, that's Raven on the day our family was murdered. As he said it I notice that there is soot mixed in with blood, also the look in the ten-year-olds eyes was hollow in a kind of way that would suggest that she just witnessed something horrible. And Stellan's voice- the voice which I had come to associate with warmth- now laced all traces of it; his tone was flat with a hint of pain.
But she's so young, came a gasp from my left, a woman's voice.
I turned towards it just as my soulfinder said, yeah she was just a child at the time but I'm sure she mentioned that she had lost her family when she was young, he went on. The eyes with which he looked at the kid-version of her sister were filled with emotions that I could not read. There were so many of them swirling around and yet it also looked like there was nothing there, just a blank stare accompanied by a flat voice listing facts and nothing more.
Yes, I knew that she was ten but seeing her like this makes it more real in a way, the woman continued taking a step in Raven's direction.
No, don't do that. It slipped out of my mouth before I could comprehend who I was talking to.
Why not? The women, Tanya, I would guess, turned to me.
Because, well I'm not really sure how this works but yesterday when I went to talk with her I got dragged into her memories, and if this really is the day that the fire happened, then I think that that's a bit to privet, don't you think. I had my mouth open to say more, but Stellan cut me off.
You're rambling, I think he saw something in my expression then because his posture changed lightly before he asked, what did you see?
I felt uncomfortable under that gaze because it was written all over the cold eyes and the slightly downwards curve of his lips, that even if I was his soulfinder he definitely didn't feel the same way about me as I did about him. Those eyes said that if I ever caused harm to the people he cared about he would not hesitate to put me under, probably in a painful way. The realization that I was not one of the people that my other half felt so strongly towards hurt more than you would think it would seeing as I had only known him for roughly a week.
Raisin my eyes just under his eyes I answered his earlier question, was there a time when she was kidnapped by a group of people looking for something called The Reincarnation Stone? In that moment I was glad that I hadn't been looking at his eyes because the way his mouth moved at the mention of the incident had my gut saying that for a second where his eyes had been filled with guilt or hurt so deep that I would have felt the suffocating effects of it even without knowing what those feelings were caused by.
When I did meet his eyes again they were the neutral silver orbs filled with wisdom and age that I had first noticed from a crowd of wedding guests. Absolutely breathtaking but now that I had seen emotions in those eyes, it felt like they had more depth to them in a way.
Stellan's Pov
We had gone over the plan to get Raven awake in the morning before I felt my soulfinder wake. I thought that I was ready for anything but seeing my sister in her youth covered in soot and our parent's blood was something I had not expected. Though now that I think about it, it's completely normal for her to suppress the memory of that night, even I don't like to think about it that often seeing as it is one of my biggest blunders. Still, we had a situation to deal with and we weren't going to get anywhere if we kept standing around like idiots.
Tanya, what do you think, can you get us to the other side of the barrier? I asked the creator of those barriers, resisting the urge to turn away from the sight of my sister smiling at me in a reassuring way. It felt off like she could still see what was going on but was unable to communicate with us.
Yeah, there is a weak spot right over there, her voice was shaky as she pointed towards my kid sister still smiling at us. We should be able to walk right across from there, but if you said that we would get dragged into a memory if we got close to her then I'm not sure what to do. She faced Kurt as she said that.
I think it's fine, as long as we don't acknowledge her we should be able to pass with no problems, I said going over what had happened yesterday.
Alright, let's go then, Kurt got fired up.
I'm afraid that you aren't coming anywhere, I told him taking hold of his collar.
Why, is it because you think that I'm not strong enough to handle it? I may not be as overpowered as you two siblings but I'm not helpless eider, I could feel a rant coming on so I intercepted before he could waste any more time.
You're mistaken, I willed my voice to be gentle, the way I talked with people with insecurities and the elderly, you have to stay here because you are the bridge that allowed me to get Tanya here, we don't know what is going on, on the other side of the barrier and we can't allow you to pass out and sewer that link, because Raven's presence is overpowering, which I'm certain is the case at the moment, seeing as she is not in control right now. You are not used to her mind in full force and so being exposed to it may end up damaging your own mind considering that you are already using much of your power to hold a long-distance link between our minds. I saw the fight go out in his eyes only to be replaced with determination and understanding.
I hadn't even realized that I was using my power to stay connected to you, he mumbled under his breath, as his eyes met mine again there was affection in them. Is he getting more attracted to me because he mistook my monologue for worry for him? Sure it would be troublesome if he got hurt but nothing that I couldn't live with.
It's even worse if you aren't aver of the amount of energy that you are using, it could be dangerous, try concentrating on your core, imagine it as an orb, it's the simplest that way, when you feel like it has shrunk to a size of a lemon let me know immediately, we should still be able to communicate even with the barrier between us. I explained the basic visualizing technique to him all the while thinking about what William has been teaching him if he can't even determine his own energy level.
Kurt nods and closes his eyes in concentration. I turn my back to him and walk throw the passage that Tanya provided.
The moment I step on the other side my breath hitches.
The raw chaos is overwhelming. It's like a collision of memories, feelings, fears insecurities and just random thoughts.
I see Tanya clutching her head so I collect my own mind and instruct her on how to lessen the effects on herself.
Concentrate on yourself, on a specific memory or feeling, that way your brain is occupied with that and won't get as distracted by all this. I tell her looking around to make sense of where we should go.
That's when I hear it.
GET OUT!
Well, I would reckon we need to go that way, I say pointing towards a tattered spiralling staircase.
As we ascend the noise and the pressure worsens. There are picture frames on the walls surrounding us, inside them, there seems to be a selection of Ravens memories. A cup of tea on an early morning train, a cosy looking city, a Victorian style apartment- from the feel of them it looks like they are pleasant memories - the ones she uses for blocking out the disturbing ones.
As we go lower the memories get more primitive, a collection of sounds, a feeling of pain and irritation, the uneasy feeling of not being in control.
The stairs end after what would be considered four flights of stairs so that means that we should be seven levels into my sister's mind.
The landing looks like a terrace looking out to the core of her soul.
A core that seems very unbalanced and on the verge of exploiting the swirling gold ribbons that used to float around each other in a circular manner have turned rustic and instead of circulating they are pulsing.
I notice Ray because of Tanya's gasp.
Turning I see that the gasp was justified because the girl sitting in a rocking chair facing the core looks so fragile and tired that you wouldn't guess that she has only been there for forty hours. The given visual looks more like a woman who has been starved and tortured for at least a week.
And the eyes, completely unseeing, void of any emotion – the face of a broken spirit.
She must sense our presence though because her posture shifts, becoming straighter and more defensive at the same time, as to scare us off while protecting herself. She doesn't lift her gaze though.
Please no.
Am I too late again?
Raven's Pov
That bastard.
Like the earphones and the cut off air supply weren't enough, he just had to bring up those memories as well. The shock of seeing my parents murder again set my mind in a spiral of forbidden memories and in order to avoid them and the horrid sound coming from the earphones I retreated into the lower levels of my mind to buy some time for Stel and the others while also trying to figure out what to do about the situation.
What I hadn't anticipated was that the shock messed up the stability of my core because my mental stability is also challenged at the moment, meaning even if I did wake up I would probably have little to no control over my gift which would be most problematic given the situation. And my lack of information on it isn't helping eider.
So I had a few choices; I could force myself back up to the surfers levels and deal with the earphones all the while figuring out what's going on and how messed up my control is, I could play sleeping beauty and wait for Stel to get here, but that would leave Kurt at a vulnerably position, needless to say, that I couldn't really go with eider of those, so that only left getting my shit together as soon as possible and making sure that Stel doesn't get all the glory.
But it's kind of hard to block everything out when it's running in a loop and without Genevieve acting as a filter the full reality of what happened to me is too disturbing to possess without getting more messed up.
I remember that she told me once that I didn't want to know about the blank spots in my memory and I understand now that I really didn't. I owe my sanity to the spirit and I'm afraid of losing it without her.
The memories start bleeding together water and fire, blood and pain.
I think that at some point I heard the last words of my family over and over again. "You must, you're the key but more than that you are my little sister " And your my older brother so why do you have to die?
"not if we lose you" And it's alright for me to live without you?
"Do it for us. See the world for us. Grow old for us. Live for us." Why do I have to? Why can't you see the world yourself?
"Sorry but once was enough" Yes, it was so why do I have to keep reliving that night?
Just stop please just let me live.
"Go" The last command, and after that, I never stopped did I? Not to morn or constipate what could have been, because I had to live if not for myself then for them- the family that gave up everything to give me a chance.
The pressure and guilt of that day come rushing down on me like an avalanche over and over again.
I didn't even register that someone had entered my inner levels until that person was right next to me. Looking at my mess of a core.
The words and the emotion behind it changed my attention for the first time since I entered the loop.
Raven, don't you dare die before me.
There is a silence, then the voice is back.
Please.