In Another Lifetime (Chapter 3)
The next morning, they are up bright and early, only managing to get in a couple of hours of sleep. At least the boys appear to have slept through the night, Rick thinks to himself. He observes Michonne rinsing out a couple of bowls before pouring cereal into them for the boys. He can't help wondering what it means that they found each other again and why they were cast into these circumstances together. He thinks back to the first time he saw her, the smile she bestowed on him and why he reacted the way he did. Another smile flashes in his memory and a tremendous sense of guilt rushes through him.
"Did you hear me?" Michonne asks.
He blinks several times to clear his head, dropping his eyes to the bottle of water before him. "I'm sorry. What was that?"
"Granola bars or pop tarts?" She asks as she holds both up with a smile.
"The pop tarts are strawberry. They're the best ones," Andre informs him.
"Well, how about I just take the granola bars? That'll be more pop tarts for you, right?" Rick asks as Andre's eyes light up with a smile.
"Right."
The temptation to stay inside where it's safe is strong but they venture outside just to get a little sun if nothing else. They step out of the exit cautiously, not sure of what they may find but the parking lot is clear. Andre and Carl immediately start to run around, chasing each other. Rick warns them to try and stay quiet and not to move too far away.
He walks over to the gate where they initially entered and looks out to the street, wondering what their next course of action should be. He senses her at his side before looking over to drink her in with his eyes, realizing that he would be okay with seeing her every day.
"So what's the plan? Are we just going to stay here or should we move on?" She asks.
"I think we're good here for maybe another night then we should move on, look for other survivors. I know others are out there." He returns. "They have to be."
"I hope so but what do we do when we find them?"
"There's safety in numbers. We ban together and fight these….walkers until they find a cure for this thang," Rick tells her.
"Why do you call them walkers? I thought they were zombies and do you really think there's a cure?"
He quickly explains how he came to call the undead walkers, sending up a prayer for Morgan and Duane. "As for the cure…..I need something to believe in, something to hold on to. If this is all there is, I don't know if I can survive or even if I want to."
Michonne turns to fully face him. "You can't think like that, Rick. We don't have a choice because we've got two little people counting on us. We're all they have left, so yes we can survive this and we're going to. Ok?"
He gives her a slight smile as he nods in agreement, admiring her tenacity.
A high pitched squeal and a familiar snarl pierce the air as Carl and Andre run to their parents, their small faces in a panic as they both point towards the opposite end of the parking lot. A walker has made its way to the fence, grabbing onto the links and shoving its face against it. Rick unholsters his python and takes aim.
Michonne touches his arm to get his attention. "Didn't you say the noise draws them?"
He nods then looks around trying to locate one of the shovels.
She looks down at the weapon in her hand and unsheathes the sword, holding it out by her side. She advances toward the walker, lifts the sword, bending her arms before plunging the blade through the fence and into the walker's skull, ending it. She pulls back and watches as the walker drops to the ground. She looks up and down the area to ensure there aren't any others as Rick and the boys step next to her.
"That was pretty awesome," Rick states as he notices the blood dripping from the tip of the sword to the asphalt beneath their feet.
She tries not to smile as the boys still appear a little frightened. She lifts her eyes to his, letting him know she thought it was awesome too.
That night was much better for the adults as both were able to get a bit more sleep than the night before. Andre had a bad dream and Michonne wonders if seeing the walker at the fence triggered this response. She decides to remain in his bunk with him, holding her little one close to her as they both drift back to sleep. Unbeknownst to her, Rick watched them closely and quietly until they were sleeping soundly once again.
The next morning, she and Andre don their freshly washed and air dried clothes, thankful to be in something that actually fits then help Rick and Carl load as many supplies as possible into the squad car. They set out on the road before the sun is too high in the sky, hopeful they will find others soon.
One week later, they feel like they have been going in circles as every place they approach appears desolate and devoid of the living.
"Rick, this is really starting to scare me," Michonne whispers.
"I know. Me, too." He sighs heavily. "Maybe we should just find a place for the time being, regroup and try this again. I don't want to do it, but we may have to go back to the city. Maybe we'll find some answers there."
"I don't think we should risk it."
"So we're just going to accept that this is it? That we're the only people still alive?" He asks.
She can hear the agitation in his voice and for some reason that bothers her. "What are you trying to say? I'm not good company?"
He looks over at her and takes in her tinkling eyes and the slight smirk on her face. He shakes his head as he feels his mouth lifting into a small smile. "I'm not saying that at all."
"I know and hey….it's going to be ok. We'll just take it one day at a time. That's all we can do right now," she assures.
They double back to a house they saw with a high wrought iron fence surrounding it. Once again, Rick exits the car and opens the gate and Michonne moves the vehicle into the driveway. The routine is the same as before only they find the family who lived there, a mom, a dad, and three children….all dead.
Rick can't say what exactly happened, but he notices the bullet wounds in the adults' heads. Michonne blinks back tears as she takes in the decomposing bodies of the children, wondering if they went peacefully or if they were afraid. She closes her eyes, wishing she could erase the images from her mind, the awful stench in the air from her nostrils.
She jumps when she feels Rick's hand at her shoulder, her eyes going to his, the tears escaping down her cheeks.
"I'll take the bodies out, ok?" His look is one of concern, hoping his actions will help to ease her pain at seeing this tragedy.
She nods and gives his hand a squeeze as they make their way out of the room to explore and secure the rest of the house. That night, they all slept in the living room, the boys on the sofa while Rick sat in a chair, and Michonne lounged on the love seat.
Her thoughts are all about Mike, wondering what they'd be doing if the world were back to normal and the three of them were home after a long day at school and at work. She watches her son as he sleeps and it truly hits her. She is never going to see her husband again. She grabs her stomach as she feels a scream forming deep inside. She jumps up and races out the front door to the porch, pulling fresh air into her lungs long and slow, anything to calm herself down.
Rick steps onto the porch, closing the door behind him. "You ok?"
She grabs the porch railing, griping it hard, the tears coming no matter how hard she fights them. "No. I'm not…..ok." She shakes her head as she looks out at the front yard, the silence and the emptiness blaring. "I want to put….on a happy face and pretend we're alright, but how can I? My husband's gone, the world has turned to shit and I've never been this scared in my life. This….this is monster in your closet when you were five scared."
Rick gives her a slight smile as she can always find some lightness in any moment. "I remember the monster in the closet and you're right." He sighs. "Look, I don't have the answers. I don't know what to tell you, but we're here and we're going to have to make the best of it. You just told me we don't have a choice, remember?"
She nods slowly, her despair surrounding her like a cloud of cloying perfume. "I just wish my heart understood that."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he tells her as he gathers her into his arms.
She cries on his shoulder once again, wondering if the tears will ever stop.
The next day Rick is watching the boys laugh and play in the front yard. Michonne found a couple of nerf guns and let them have at it. This small moment brings some happiness but also makes him wonder how children should navigate in this new world. He knows he and Michonne will do any and everything to protect them, but maybe they need to know how to protect themselves.
He pulls his gun from its holster and contemplates teaching them to use one. He decides he will discuss it with Michonne so they can make a unified decision. He hears a rustle and bustle noise as she bursts through the front door. She is smiling and a little breathless.
"You've gotta see this. Come quick," she tells him, grabbing his hand.
"Boys! Come on in," Rick says firmly.
Andre starts to run towards the porch while Carl's shoulders slump with disappointment.
"Awww….Dad, do we have to?"
"Let's go son."
They all follow Michonne to the back of the house, exiting onto the patio. She points out toward the forest that lines the backyard. "Look at them."
A small herd of deer are clustered near the trees, looking around cautiously as they graze.
The boys smile as their eyes light up with excitement.
"It's a sign. It's been so quiet, so deserted. Maybe things aren't as bad as we thought they were," she offers.
Rick nods. "Yep…and some venison would be nice right about now."
Michonne gasps and swats at him playfully. "You wouldn't dare?"
"What's ven-sin-non?" Andre asks curiously.
"Never mind, baby." She places her hands at his shoulders and continues to talk with him about the deer.
Carl looks up to his dad and whispers, "We'll tell him later."
Another week passes as they continue to live as normal as possible in the house that belonged to Susan and William Bell. Michonne has been busy in their home office, among other things to keep herself occupied. She even found some baseball bats, gloves, and a ball, remembering that Andre was part of a little league team. The boys got so excited when she presented them as Carl was on a team as well.
Rick takes them out every day and tosses the ball around. It was during one of their outings that an idea came to him about how the boys could protect themselves. He relayed it to Michonne and although she had some reservations, she agreed. They talked to their sons together, letting them know that they had to learn how to fight. Both boys appeared frightened at first, but when Rick told them he needed their help, Carl lifted his head and told his Dad he would do it. Seeing Carl being brave prompted Andre to do the same.
They needed to practice in a controlled environment, so they actually went hunting for their prey. They both know it wasn't the best idea to handle things this way, but they had to start somewhere. The four of them exit the fence via the backyard and venture into the forest behind the house. Rick is armed with a shovel and his python, Michonne has her sword, and the boys have their baseball bats.
They walk for a good long time before they happen upon what they are looking for. Carl and Andre are told to wait by a tree as their parents approach the three walkers ambling in the woods. Rick holds up two fingers, indicating they would only need two of them. Michonne nods as she jogs up to the first one and quickly decapitates it. She rounds on another one and kicks it in the chest, sending it to the ground on its back.
Rick uses his shovel to knock the last one to the ground and holds it there with one foot on a hand, the other foot against its chest, and the blade of the shovel holding the other hand immobile. He watches as she takes the sword and hacks off the walker's jaw and then its hands. He steps back as she comes for his victim and does the same.
They tie them up with rope and lead them back to where the boys are waiting. That afternoon, Carl and Andre had their first walker kills. Rick knew they were familiar with baseball bats so he decided the bats would be how they defend themselves. He taught them to go for the walker's knees first to bring it down to their level, then Babe Ruth it in the face and proceed to smash its head in.
The four of them fall into a routine of sorts as they continue to make it through each day as best as they can. On one of their excursions into the woods, they located a lake and started filling water bottles and such to keep their water supply flowing. They utilized a corner area in the backyard to build a small fire to boil the water for bathing, cooking, and drinking.
The water in the house sometimes flowed brown so it was obviously not safe to use. They had enough food and supplies to last a while but neither Rick nor Michonne wanted them to get too low, so they made plans to go out for a run in the next couple of days.
The house is quiet as the boys are working on some math problems Michonne gave them. She found some workbooks in one of the children's rooms and decided to put them to use. They are in the dining area at the table while she is in the next room, reading. Rick was out on the porch, cleaning his gun when Andre's shrill voice floats loudly through the air.
"Take it back! Don't you say that about my Daddy!"
Michonne is up and off the couch as Rick steps inside and they both move to the dining area.
Carl is speaking to Andre quietly but the younger boy is still upset.
Andre's eyes go to his mom and Rick as they enter the room and ask what is going on.
"He said the monsters ate my Daddy like they ate his Mommy! He said that we will never ever see them again! That's not true!" Andre yells.
Carl stands up from his chair. "Well, where is your Daddy huh? Where is my Mom? Do you see them anywhere around here? No! It's because they're dead! They're dead and they're never coming back!"
He moves to leave the room but Rick grabs onto his son, holding him tight, not sure how to talk to him and help him through his grief.
Tears start to spill down little Andre's face and Michonne is rendered speechless. She steps to him and drops down by his side as he remains seated in his chair.
He turns to her and starts to wail, "I WANT MY DAD-DEEEEE!"
Rick shakes his head in a slight panic, about to step in when Michonne grabs Andre to her, holding him tight. She whispers softly to him, trying to calm him down.
"I'm sorry baby," she tells him as she is no longer able to hold her own tears at bay. "I know you want to see Daddy again. I do too. We just can't right now. We just can't."
Later that night, the boys are getting ready for bed as Rick had set up a room for them on the first floor while he and Michonne still camped out in the living room. Neither of them were comfortable with being spread out in the house.
"My Mommy told me that I would see my Daddy again. She said it might be a long time because he is somewhere far away. Do you think you'll see your Mommy again?" Andre asks Carl.
The older boy looks from his Dad to Andre, wanting to hold onto his anger at losing his mom but realizes that Andre doesn't understand quite like he does. That makes him want to help the younger boy so he gives him a slight smile. "Yeah. I'll see her again."
Andre nods his head, his little body teeming with relief. He looks up to Carl more than the older boy knows. He moves toward Carl and throws his arms around his waist, giving him a tight squeeze. "Thanks Carl."
"You're welcome, Andre," Carl reciprocates.
Rick smiles as he takes in the scene before him, glad the boys are on a better path and didn't hold onto their anger at each other. He watches as they climb into the twin beds, situated side by side with a small space in between.
Michonne observes from the open doorway as Rick sits down on Carl's bed rubbing his son's head affectionately.
"You know it's going to be ok, right?" He asks.
Carl gives him a slight nod. "It's going to be ok. Good night, Dad."
Rick leans over and places a soft kiss to his son's forehead. "Good night, son." He then moves over to Andre and before he can get a word out, the young one wraps his little arms around his waist and hugs him. He envelopes the boy in his arms, wishing he could make everything right again. He kisses the top of his head and tells him good night.
"Good night," Andre says before lying down and closing his eyes as Rick covers him with a blanket.
Michonne approaches cautiously, moving past Rick to kiss her son good night. She then turns to Carl and lightly places a hand on his head as she looks down on him.
The adults move into the living room, preparing to try and get some sleep as well.
"Thank you," Michonne tells Rick.
"For what?"
"Just for giving him that extra comfort. I think he really needs it right now," she returns.
"Yeah….well, I think we all do."
"I'm a great listener if you want to share anything," she relays.
"Like what?"
"Well, I know you still dream…..about….her. Maybe if you talked about it…." She trails off as Rick turns his back to her. After a long pause, she continues, "I just want to help. That's all, but I'll understand if it's too soon."
He drops his head back with a loud sigh. "If she had just waited…..maybe….maybe I could've helped her, saved her somehow."
Michonne listens intently as Rick unburdens himself about how his wife died.