AN:
Someone told me in the last chapter that in Japan, if gay couples want to get married (since that's not legal), the older of the pair adopts the younger one into his family registry. I didn't know that before, but that works for my setup so that's great. xD I'm not saying Todoroki will adopt Midoriya when Endeavor dies, but he can. I'm not saying they will get married overseas later on in this story, but they can. ;3
As for their ages, I'm not following the Japanese calendar. And I have a height/age difference kink so, Todoroki is older. xP
Also, this is not an Endeavor redemption story. In fact, I hate how the manga coincides with this unintentionally because I had this planned since last year. Anyway, what Endeavor has done canon-wise or not is unforgivable and inexcusable, end of story. I'm just using his backstory to give TodoDeku another perspective, so yeah.
"Raison D'être"
Chapter 05: Helpless Caring.
A month into the semester, their class was attacked by villains during rescue training. Todoroki had been distressed, being separated from Midoriya the entire time. And just when he manages to get back to his side, he witnesses Midoriya leap to shield All Might from the attacks of the villains. Then the 'handy' man reaches through the warping guy for Midoriya, and all Todoroki could do was watch in slow motion. It was heart-stopping. Until a loud bang resonated in the air, breaking the trance and saving Midoriya. The rest of the teachers had come. Most of the villains were taken away, but none of those that mattered.
And once again Todoroki finds himself by Midoriya's bedside in the infirmary, the green-haired child had broken both of his legs during that last jump. Why does he get hurt so much? And after they were able to finally get away from his father. He feels helpless, inadequate, unreliable. Why can't he protect his charge? It used to be so simple before...
Before Midoriya got a quirk.
Todoroki is happy for him, of course. He's one step closer to his dreams and he has no doubt Midoriya will succeed. But why does he have to get hurt?
It's not fair.
Midoriya just got his quirk. He has to learn how to use it gradually, not put his life on the line. Todoroki understands Midoriya must feel like he needs to catch up but controlling a quirk, especially of that caliber, isn't something people can learn overnight. Besides, Todoroki would wait for him. Always, and for as long as it takes. No matter what. So Midoriya doesn't need to rush, he isn't going anywhere.
Then again, deep down in the recesses of his mind, Todoroki has an inkling feeling he isn't the person Midoriya is chasing after.
The announcement of the Sports Festival immediately comes after the rest day, which hadn't seemed enough to begin with. Even so, everyone seemed to take it as a chance to shake off the anxieties brought on by the recent villain attack. Needless to say, everyone got pumped. Except for Midoriya. He had been through so much in such a short period of time he's still coming down from the high. Everything is just going too fast and he's afraid he won't be able to keep up. Not to mention the pressure and expectations from All Might, as well as the warnings and threats from Recovery Girl over his body's condition. Midoriya seriously can't take a break, and he doesn't know what to do or where to start.
Thankfully, his Bocchan was a constant presence by his side.
They were on the rooftops, waiting for the day to end. His Bocchan was taking a nap, and using him as a pillow. Midoriya was sitting in between Todoroki's legs, warm and cold arms around him, with his pretty bi-colored head resting on his freckled left shoulder. They were always like this, and he's never bothered. White soft hair tickles the back of his ears, coupled with the hot breath ghosting the side of his neck, but he would not dare move. He likes moments like these, it's his respite.
Todoroki always made him feel calm, and secured, at ease. Like nothing could go wrong. His Bocchan was his anchor, his pillar, his home. Because of him, he knows he always has somewhere to go back to. That Todoroki would never leave his side or abandon him, no matter what. And it's not unfounded, he's never had to question it. Blind faith is when you don't know something for sure but believe it anyway, this was something he's always known for sure.
His Bocchan suddenly grunts, stirring awake and squeezing him in a tight hug before going lax.
"Did you sleep well?" Midoriya asks, patting the side of the other's head.
Todoroki grunts again and squeezes, he's always so clingy.
"We should probably head back, dinner will start soon."
His Bocchan opens one eye and peaks at him, but doesn't let go. Bi-colored eyes stare some more.
"Come on," Midoriya shrugs him off and stands, stretching.
Todoroki yawns before getting up. "Is something bothering you? You were awake the whole time."
Midoriya looks back at him, then sighs. Sometimes it amazes him how his Bocchan could read him so well, then again he guesses he's always been an open book. "I guess I'm just a little nervous, about the sports festival."
"Why?"
"It's such a huge event, and the world will be watching, and I... I'll do my best, but you know, it's still kinda nerve-wracking." Midoriya smiles sheepishly.
Todoroki gives him a slow blink. "Okay."
The smile evaporates. "Aren't you excited about it?"
His Bocchan shrugs. "Not really."
The green-haired boy rubs the back of his neck. "Well, I suppose compared to- you know... this is probably just a walk in the park for you."
"I wouldn't go as far as to say that, it just doesn't concern me as much."
"It will still bring about many opportunities for you, though!"
"Not as big as what the Number Two Hero can offer, and the only thing bigger than that would be All Might's, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't give me any offers."
Midoriya sweats. "Well, I mean... he's our teacher after all, and it's not like he's looking for a sidekick."
Todoroki nods, turning to leave. "So, in the end, it's still just a show."
Midoriya watches his back. "Bocchan, I know Uncle Enji will be watching but... you can still make the best of it, you know. It's not about him."
The bi-haired boy turns to look back at him. "Honestly, I don't really care."
Green eyes widened at that. What was his Bocchan saying? Didn't he hear what everyone was saying? Sure he was the strongest kid in class, sure he's probably gonna win first place, sure he was too far ahead from the rest of them, but they were still all on the same stage here. If he didn't care, then what does that make of everyone else's hopes and efforts? What did that make of Midoriya? He can't even use his quirk without breaking his bones.
The worse part was that he probably doesn't even mean anything by it, it's just how things are. They all have different motivations, or the lack thereof.
Midoriya shakes his head. "Bocchan, this is really important."
"I know, I'm not saying I won't do my best. It just doesn't matter to me, however things turn out. I'm not interested in any of that."
The green-haired boy continues to stare dumbfounded.
Circumstances, feelings, reason or conviction. He always thought none of those matter. Because in the end, the only thing that really counts is the result. But here, his Bocchan was saying even that doesn't. So, then what does? What does his Bocchan care about?
Is this about his father again? Was he trying to rebel this way? He always jokes about aiming to be a disappointment after all.
"Bocchan, you know... your Father only wants the best for you, right?"
Todoroki doesn't deem him an answer, so he goes on.
"Endeavor is still your father, the pillar of your family whether you like it or not. Right now he looks at you as if you were a child in a rebellious phase. You know what that means? It means you can do all the stupid things and he will overlook them. That after everything has failed, you can go back to him and he will give you all the help you need. Sure he might say you're a disappointment, and be a little harsh, but he won't turn his back on you. Because you are everything he's ever wanted. He invested his dreams into you, so much so he pretends he could be you. But that will never happen and he knows that too. He just wants to see you as the Number One, to be the person he could never be... so that if only a little he could be proud and rest assured of his dreams. His ways may not have been right, and nothing justifies or excuses all that he's done, but he believed with all of his heart that this was the only way he could live for the rest of his life. He isn't evil, he didn't hurt you or your mother just because he wanted to. He just got carried away, he's desperate. He doesn't see anything anymore. He's not all bad, he's just... a man of broken dreams."
"Why are you saying all this?" His Bocchan finally speaks.
"I'm not defending him, I'm just saying I understand how it feels like to want the one thing you can never have." Midoriya reminds himself he was quirkless just a little while ago. "But you... probably wouldn't understand something like that, because everything had been laid out for you since you were born."
Todoroki's eyes widened slightly, he couldn't believe he was hearing these things and from Midoriya of all people.
"Sorry, that was out of line." Midoriya was quick to apologize.
"No, it's okay-"
"No, it's not. You deserve to get mad at me for something like that, in fact, you should be getting mad at me for all of this, for everything." Midoriya's eyes were starting to get glassy, even though it was him saying the painful things.
"I don't think I can, ever." Todoroki shakes his head, calmly, resigned. "I know you're not wrong."
Midoriya sighs and looks away, trying to blink back the wetness. It probably doesn't matter if his Bocchan doesn't understand. He's always so willing to forgive, to overlook. The green-haired child knows he has to explain where this is coming from. "You know, Bocchan. I owe Uncle Enji the life I've lived up to now. And even if I know he'll never see me as his own child, I want to be able to make him say that he was glad he took me in. I want to be able to give him a reason to say that, even just once." Midoriya bites his bottom lip, before speaking again. "Because I was glad he took me in, and I want to thank him somehow."
His Bocchan frowns at that. "You don't need to thank hi-"
"Of course, I do!" Midoriya squeezes his eyes closed, knowing he's already crying. "Because my own Father wanted to kill me!" He was breathing hard. He shouldn't have said that. He didn't mean to. But it was all out in the open now. He gasps for breath. "My Father wanted to abort me, that's why he separated with my Mom. And he abandoned her, because she wouldn't agree with him."
"I'm sorry," Todoroki blurts out.
Midoriya shakes his head, wiping away tears. "That's why I'm thankful, for even someone like Endeavor to keep me around. You know, Bocchan... haven't you ever wondered about how happy he must've been when you were born? He must've been ecstatic, he must've been so proud. You made his dreams come true. You were everything he's ever wanted... my Father didn't even want me. He didn't even want to give me a chance."
Todoroki didn't know what else to say, so he kept his mouth shut and approached the smaller kid carefully before wrapping him in his arms.
Midoriya rests his head on his shoulder, tired of all the crying. "Can't you just do your best? Even if not for yourself then for me?"
His Bocchan nods mutely.
"If that's not enough, then we can make a deal. Something like..." Midoriya lifts his head and stares at bi-colored eyes, somewhat pleased of the sudden idea. "If either of us wins first place, then the other gets to grant him a wish."
Todoroki knew he shouldn't have agreed with it. He was only giving Midoriya more reason to 'try hard'. But he just couldn't say no, not when his charge had started crying like that. And God knows what happened the last time they had a fight.
Now there was absolutely nothing wrong with Midoriya 'doing his best', except Todoroki was sure he was going to get hurt again. And it's not like Todoroki doesn't understand what his charge was saying, he knows very well everyone in class is going to give it their all, and he will too. He was just really worried about Midoriya. How much is the boy willing to sacrifice? How much is he willing to get hurt?
And how much of that would Todoroki be able to take? He just doesn't want Midoriya to get hurt again.
Anyway, that whole piece about his father came as a bit of a surprise. He wasn't even thinking about that man. Midoriya probably just thought Endeavor was the reason, but that's too far from it obviously. Still, this was the first time his charge has really opened up about those kinds of feelings and his past. Todoroki always thought he couldn't remember much, being too young at the time. But he supposes he will get another chance to ask about it whenever Midoriya seems to be ready enough. He would never blame him for anything either, because he understands.
Todoroki has always been hyper-aware not to use his quirks needlessly or boastfully in front of his charge, because Midoriya didn't have one of his own before. It just never crossed his mind that the green-haired teen would relate himself to the likes of his father, they absolutely had nothing in common. His charge was probably just being too kind, as usual. Then again, he also understands that Endeavor was the only father-figure they had growing up. It was no wonder Midoriya looked at him, even though he shouldn't, or need not to. He supposes it would just have to be his responsibility to make Midoriya realize that, even if the other had a point.
For now though, he's just dreading the Sports Festival.
They get to the dining hall and everyone's already eating, grouped amongst their peers. Todoroki pulls a seat out for Midoriya, before going to the fridge to fetch their drinks. While Midoriya was pulling out the meals they took out from the cafeteria. When Todoroki gets back and slides down beside him, Kirishima opens his mouth.
"Isn't it weird that Midoriya is always calling you Bocchan, but you're the one always serving him?" The redhead asks from in front of them.
Bi-colored eyes blink. "Serving?"
"We saw you tying his shoelaces for him this morning." Kaminari quips, wiggling his eyebrows.
"Oh." Todoroki starts eating. "I just didn't want him to reach down because he broke both of his legs the other day."
"But still, you're the Bocchan." Kirishima pushes.
Both warm and cold shoulders shrug, he doesn't answer anymore and procedes to eat.
"I take care of Bocchan too, you know." Midoriya feels the need to reason.
"Yeah, but it's different when Todoroki does it." Kaminari dismisses.
"What do you mean?" The green-haired boy frowns.
Kaminari doesn't answer, he just snickers with Kirishima.
The meaning was not lost on Midoriya though. "It's not like that, we're just like brothers."
"Brothers don't sleep together on the same bed," Kaminari smirks at him. "Not at this age anyway."
"We just got used to it, okay? Since we were little our futons have always been beside each other's so, we tend to..." Midoriya tries to explain, but turns red in the process of finishing the sentence when he realized what he was about to say.
"What?" Kirishima grins.
Midoriya looks away, mumbling the rest of the statement. "Gravitate towards each other in our sleep."
"Aww~! That's cute!" Ashido and Hagakure suddenly popped up behind Kirishima.
"But it doesn't mean anything!" Midoriya insists.
Kaminari turns to the end of the table. "Iida, do you and your brother sleep together?"
Iida stops mid-bite and his eyes slide to regard Midoriya before turning back to Kaminari and Kirishima. "Of course not, we are both already grown men."
"See?!" Kaminari was quick to tease Midoriya.
The green-haired teen pouts and glares weakly, but doesn't say anything more.
"But! We used to sleep together when we were younger, like when I was five." Iida tries to control the damage and fails. Uraraka and Asui were giggling to each other beside him.
It doesn't placate Midoriya and he turns to Todoroki, grabbing his sleeve. "Bocchan, make them stop."
The bi-haired teen, swallows whatever he was chewing and spares his charge a glance before turning to Kirishima and Kaminari. "Go on, he's cuter when he's flustered."
"Bocchan!" Midoriya all but yells at the same time as the girls squealing and the boys barking laughs. He pinches Todoroki's biceps and whispers a small 'I hate you', all the while red all over his face.
Todoroki turns to seriously consider him then, forcing down a grin to try looking concerned. "Does it really bother you that much?"
Midoriya looks at him as if looking for something. "No, not really? It's just embarrassing."
"But it's fine, isn't it? They're harmless." Todoroki meant the guys and the jokes.
"Well, yeah... but," Midoriya turns on the puppy dog eyes. "Doesn't it bother you, Bocchan?"
Todoroki smiles fondly. "Not at all, I don't really mind."
Midoriya looks like he's holding onto Todoroki's every word, and nods to himself before breaking into a small shy smile. "Well, if Bocchan says so, then I guess it's okay."
Todoroki nods and reaches over to pat curly green locks. "Good boy."
Midoriya beams, still red in the face but all previous shyness gone.
Looking at them, the rest of the guys were unsure how to react. Until Hagakure speaks, "Todoroki-kun, you look like a father disciplining his child right now!"
The two move away from each other then, and Todoroki answers. "That's silly. But I guess he is my charge, after all."
The day of the tournament arrives, and Todoroki sits on the same table as Yaoyorozu and Jirou in the waiting room. Midoriya wasn't there yet as he was pulled away by All Might on their way there, and when the green-haired boy finally arrives, he approaches him.
"Bocchan," Midoriya stands in front of Todoroki. "Even without looking at it objectively, I know you're stronger than me, but... I will beat you."
It was out of nowhere, like a surprise. Todoroki didn't know where the challenge was coming from, but his charge looked serious. And the look of determination in Midoriya's eyes scared him. It spoke volumes of how far the other was willing to go. But he didn't want him to.
Why doesn't he realize how much Todoroki cares for him?
He felt his shoulders sag, but he couldn't say anything. He couldn't find his voice, he didn't even know what to say. He just stood there, shell-shocked.
There was a sudden jostling around him. Kirishima was shaking Midoriya, saying something about having the guts to challenge the strongest kid in class. Kaminari and Mineta stood behind him, asking about a lovers' quarrel. And Bakugou had fallen off his chair laughing while pointing at him.
But all the noise they made were muted, distorted, far off. He couldn't make sense of what was going on. He didn't understand. He just felt so detached. What was everyone cheering for? What were they so excited about?
When all he could think of was that Midoriya will get hurt again.
Midoriya wins the race, thankfully without using his quirk. Todoroki wins the cavalry battle, and Midoriya didn't break any bones. So far so good. But the third part of the tournament makes Todoroki nervous again. It was one-on-one matches. And he knows he was not the only one Midoriya would have troubles fighting. Todoroki prayed Midoriya wouldn't have to face Bakugou again.
And just as he thought that, Midoriya pulls him off to the side during a short break.
"I'm pretty confident you can hold your ground against anyone, but just in case, I'm going to tell you Kacchan's weakness."
Todoroki listens, but not really. He just watches Midoriya talk, the movement of his lips, the expression on his face, the light in his eyes. And it puts him on a good mood, looking at Midoriya. Or just being in his presence, and everything he does really. He appreciates it, he enjoys it, he savours it. He momentarily forgets all his worries, and thinks that maybe things wouldn't be so bad.
"Did you get all that, Bocchan?"
He nods, even though he didn't. He's seen Bakugou fight before and he knows what to expect, he just doesn't care. The only thing in his mind right now, and probably always, is Midoriya's wellbeing.
"All right, I'll see you later then. Please do your best!"
But Todoroki doesn't want to do his best, he doesn't care about all this at all. He's just worried. He doesn't want Midoriya to keep fighting, or to get hurt. He knows it would hurt Midoriya's feelings, but better his feelings than his body, better his heart than his bones. But what should he do? What should he say? He needs to make Midoriya understand that this is not the right place or time for him to risk his life fighting for something that isn't worth it. It's just a show. They're not saving lives, they're not fighting villains. It's just a stupid competition.
Todoroki watched with bated breath as Midoriya steps on the ring for the first fight, against someone from the General Studies. He doesn't know what the other guy's quirk is, but whatever it was he fears for Midoriya. The fight turns a weird turn when the other guy orders Midoriya to leave the ring, and the green-haired teen actually tries to do so, walking away to the edge. It was some kind of brainwashing quirk, if he had to guess. Todoroki doesn't mind, if his charge loses now then he doesn't have to fight and get hurt further. And he would be relieved.
Unfortunately for Todoroki, Midoriya chooses to break two of his fingers to break the spell. He immediately turns to the guy from the General Studies and they wrestle until Midoriya wins. Todoroki grits his teeth, at this rate they were bound to fight in the next round. And he doesn't have to wait long.
A few matches later, he was facing Midoriya on the ring. The green-haired teen looks proud, excited. Like he's been waiting for this moment their entire lives, like he doesn't mind causing himself harm by using that stupid quirk. Todoroki still doesn't know what to do, or say, to make Midoriya stop hurting himself and understand what he cares about.
Midoriya takes a fighting stance as Midnight raises her hand for the go signal. But Todoroki also raises his hand.
"I forfeit." He says loud and clear.
The smile is instantly wiped off Midoriya's face. Sounds of shock and disbelief echo around the stadium, from their classmates to the other classes and the general audience. But Todoroki doesn't care, not for anyone else but the person standing in front of him.
"What? Bocchan?" Midoriya looks confused.
"I'm sorry, Izuku. I don't want to fight you."
Midoriya looks breathless. "But Bocchan, we had a deal! And you said you would do your best for me!"
"This is the best that I can do for you, Izuku." Todoroki clenches a shaking hand, this time he was not going to back down. "You can't fight while hurting yourself. This is not the right time and place for you, you're not ready yet."
"You do realize that by forfeiting I'm just gonna go fight on the next round, right?"
"I won't let you."
"But why?! I'm gonna heal anyway! You can't do this to me!"
"I'm sorry, Izuku. But I'm not going to let you keep hurting yourself, no matter what your reason is. I... can't stand it." Todoroki closes his eyes and heaves a shaky breath before opening them again. "Because I love you."
Midoriya's shoulders sag, and he shakes his head. "That's not fair... You don't get to say that here! You don't get to say that now! You don't get to say you care about me when you don't care about my feelings! Or anyone else's for that matter!" Midoriya was obviously going to start crying again. "You know everyone is doing their best! Our classmates, Class B, the General studies, everyone! And you, you're just stepping on everyone's efforts!"
"You're right, Izuku. I don't care, not as much as I care about you."
"Shut up! I hate you!" Midoriya screamed.
Todoroki gritted his teeth, but he stood his ground. He nods and looks down to his feet, ready to accept whatever Midoriya has to say to him.
Except Midoriya doesn't say anything anymore, and instead rushes towards him to give him a solid punch in the face. "The loser gets to do whatever the winner says!"
Todoroki sits up from where he fell, nursing his bruised cheek as he stares up at his charge.
"So, do as I say, Bocchan." Midoriya slowly sets down the shaking fist. "I order you to win."
AN:
I was reading through my earlier drafts for this story and found I can't use most anymore, so I'm scrapping a ton and will probably move that to a new fic (if ever). Like I said before, this was supposed to be porn but now I have too much plot and more coming than I know to deal with, so yeah. Just to give you guys a little perspective, this was originally about "Midoriya's servitude to his Bocchan in bed." Hence the summary, but now I'm not really sure anymore if it still fits. I'll be keeping my title to the end for sure though, and will do my best to incorporate my previous ideas here, so no worries. I'm just saying this was far from what I had in mind and it's probably writing itself at this point. xD
Please review! And thanks!
— Lynx
20180805
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