College Fool will be busy this whole week, so won't have as much input as normal on these. On an unrelated note, my account page has been updated here, now showing the next set of stories to come out once my others end. Some are different from what was on there previously, while one is an old, old idea that I deleted a long time ago, but which has come back.

To answer a question I've received once or twice; yes, this fic is a fun little romp of amusement for me. I am indeed making fun of some things, and as people have noticed, including things I said I never would, but also taking the mickey a little bit.

It's a sort of… self-aware mockery. Take it however you will.

Beta: College Fool

Cover Art: Kegi Springfield

Chapter 23 – Feathers and Wool

Jaune wasn't sure what to think of his new mentor.

He wasn't sure why he suddenly had a mentor either, or why no one else did, but here he was outside on one of Beacon's training areas, the ragged man stood beside him. Qrow Branwen had his hands on his hips, a stern, almost complicated, expression on his face. Red eyes looked down on him judgmentally, and those might have been intimidating were it not for Jaune being more used to red than not.

Well, the much smaller girl hopping frantically around him didn't help either.

"I need training," Ruby chirped, hopping in the air. She fell out of line of sight, or at least the line of sight Jaune had while meeting Qrow's eyes. With a huff, she appeared once more, arms waving. "Train me, Uncle Qrow."

"So," Qrow rasped. "You're Jaune Arc, huh? I've heard a lot about you."

"I need to get stronger!"

"You've heard of me?" Jaune asked. He laughed nervously. "Nothing bad, I hope?"

Qrow didn't answer.

Ruby jumped up, "Stop ignoring me!"

"Ozpin's asked me to keep an eye on your training. Set you on the right path. Now, I don't normally do this-"

Jaune tilted his head to the side. "Aren't you a teacher?"

"Okay, so I do normally do this, but not for smart-mouthed brats. The only reason I'm even considering this is because Ozpin asked." Qrow shrugged. "That and I'm kind of hoping my Semblance might kick in on you."

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, kid… I was just thinking how- OW!" Qrow yelped and drew back his hand. He waved it in the air and stared down and to the left. "You… you bit me!"

"You taste bad!" Ruby growled, as if that were somehow his fault. "Also, stop ignoring me. I'm your niece!"

"I wasn't ignoring you. I was choosing not to answer you."

"It's the same thing!" Ruby roared. "Why are you training Jaune? Why does he get training when I don't? Why didn't you tell us you were coming to Beacon? Do you teach here now? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't want you embarrassing me!"

Qrow raised an eyebrow. "You done, squirt?"

"Yeah," Ruby blinked. "I think so. Do I get to join in on the training then?"

"Nope."

"Uncle Qrow!"

Jaune looked between the two, feeling faintly confused and also a little out of the loop. "Am I even involved in the conversation anymore? This is ridiculous."

"Is it? From what I can see, this is how every conversation between Jade, Hazel and bigger Hazel goes. Well, except for your Uncle not talking quite so much."

Huh… good point. Uncle Hazel had always been the one in charge of the family's training, and his sisters took to it much better than he had. To be fair, they took to everything better than he did, including the whole being children of the Queen of Grimm thing. Jade and Hazel could be the most demanding though, which was ironic when you considered how different Hazel was from Uncle Hazel, despite her being named after him.

And it was clear the taciturn faunus still had no idea what to think of the fact his Queen had named a child after him.

"Pleaaase!" Ruby whined. "I need to get stronger and you're the only person I know who uses a scythe. Besides, what would it hurt?"

"It would mean more work for me," Qrow said, "Which is why you're getting a big, fat nope." He looked to Jaune, eyes flat. "Let's start your training since this isn't going anywhere. I want you to run around this field."

"Okay. How many times?"

"Until I say stop…" Qrow smirked and reached for his weapon, a strange sword that didn't look at all like a scythe. Then again, if it was anything like everyone else's weapons, it was probably a sword, scythe, gun, motorcycle and microwave oven. "You have to keep running too," he went on, his smirk turning evil. "At full pace for as long as you can. If you slow down for even a moment, I'll give you a little encouragement to continue. I think it's time we found out what your limits are."

"Is that all?" Jaune asked.

"Is that all…?" Red eyes narrowed. "No, in fact. Here." He reached behind him, dragging forth the backpack he'd brought with him to Beacon. Jaune caught it, a little impressed at the weight. "I want you to carry that at all times. There's about thirty or forty pounds of equipment in there. That should give you a decent workout."

Jaune looked down at it, then up at his mentor. The man's face was filled with glee. Jaune shrugged and pulled it on, tightening the straps on his shoulders. Well, training was training. It wasn't like Uncle Hazel hadn't done worse. He usually made Jaune carry one of his sisters. Which one depended on how foul a mood the man was in.

Jaune started to run around the field.

Qrow watched him go, a little disappointed that the kid hadn't gotten upset or complained. Ah well, maybe he was one of those arrogant ones that thought they were hot shit. A little humility would go a long way to making it clear who was in charge in their little dynamic. He chuckled to himself, reaching for his hip flask.

When he brought it back before his face, Ruby was latched onto it, his hand, and most of his arm.

"Train me!"

"You're annoying," he grunted. "You know that, right?"

"Yep. I can stop if you train me."

Qrow sighed and shook his arm, dislodging the girl who fell to the floor with a startled yelp. Considering he was sat down on a rock, it wasn't a long drop. He unscrewed the cap, leaning back and taking a long, well-deserve d swig. Ah, that was good. It didn't quite wipe away the trauma of what he'd seen earlier, but it was the first step on the road to it. "Why do you need more training anyway?" he asked, stashing it away. "I've already taught you most of what I know. The rest is just experience."

"I… need to beat somebody."

Qrow took one long look at his niece and slapped a hand into his forehead. "Oh my god, I leave you alone for like, two months and you become an avenger."

"What? No! It's not revenge," Ruby whined. "Well, sort of… it maybe is?"

Qrow leaned back.

"Someone made fun of me in sparring class! She just… I've never felt so humiliated before. I felt weak. I felt really pathetic and useless. I don't want to feel that again." Ruby looked away. "I don't want to be worthless."

Qrow sighed. He reached out and pushed her over.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"For the blatant guilt-trip attempt," he growled. Gods, it nearly worked as well. it always did. "Didn't I tell you not to do that anymore?"

"Maybe…" Ruby looked away guiltily, her previous angst long gone. Of course it was, since it was a bloody act she used. "I wasn't lying though. I do want to beat her next time. I don't want to lose and feel that embarrassed again."

Bah, teenagers. Qrow took another swig of booze and cursed the thought of them. Teenagers were crap. He should know. He'd been one. It was a time of hormones, confusion and everything being a competition, a time where you had more hopes than sense and not a chance of any of them. He'd also been in Ruby's shoes, embarrassed by another. He knew the feeling of being weak, especially when his sister was brought into the equation.

There was also that Grimm monster to worry about… and it had taken an interest in Ruby before.

"Fine," he growled. He'd been doomed from the start, really. If there was a chalkboard of the times he'd given in to Ruby and Yang or held his ground, then it wouldn't need to be very big. There'd be a nice zero on his side, and a sideways eight on theirs. "Fine, I'll train you, you little brat. Gods, you're as annoying as your father."

"Yeah!" Ruby latched onto his neck, her body pressed against his back. "Thank you, Uncle Qrow," she cheered, kissing his cheek. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

Tch… kids.

Who needed them? Not he, certainly. He squashed down the pleased feeling in his stomach and shrugged her off, wiping his cheek clean. It wasn't like he cared if she thought he was a cool uncle or something.

Come to think of it, he still needed to know what made the kid so special Salem would be after him. Qrow spared him a glance but was still doing his sprints. He was actually sprinting, too. He was almost surprised by that, since most of his students at Signal only sprinted for the first ten seconds or so, then started to jog.

"Say Ruby, you know this kid pretty well, right?"

"Jaune?" Ruby blinked. "Yep. We're really close."

He tried not to let that get to him. "What's he like then? I need to know if I'm going train you both," he added when he saw Ruby's suspicious expression.

"Oh right, that makes sense. Uh, Jaune…? Well, he's really kind. He's friendly and sweet, and he helps me in class and-"

"Combat ability, Rubes. I don't need to know about his innermost secrets." Especially if that might lead into territory that would leave him scarred for life. "What's he like when it comes to fighting?"

Fortunately, Ruby seemed only too eager to gush about her new friend. "He's amazing," she said. "He's super strong, not to mention really durable. He was snatched by a Nevermore in initiation and he just killed it on his own. Then he was taken by a Beowolf and managed to break free, without a weapon!" She seemed particularly impressed with the latter, likely because she was just about useless without her scythe.

He'd done his best to break her of that dependency, but Ruby really wasn't built for unarmed combat. She also wouldn't take a secondary weapon, complaining that she couldn't cheat on her beloved like that. To be fair, she was also too slight for any other weapon. Maybe it was something she'd grow into.

"Did you see either of those occasions?" he asked.

"No… the first was before I was launched, and the second happened because three Beowolves attacked us. I killed two, but the last one ran away with him."

Qrow hummed and nodded. That confirmed Ozpin's tale about a kidnapping, as crazy as that sounded. It wasn't quite so unbelievable to him, since he knew of the existence of that Queen in the Grimmlands. He'd had the misfortune of meeting one of her people too – and those that had attacked Amber. So, the kid is definitely special enough to warrant attention. There go my hopes of this being a wild goose chase.

"Um… Uncle Qrow…?"

He glanced down at Ruby. She was fidgeting with her hands. "Yeah?"

"You're not going to… be mean to Jaune, right?"

"What? No!" He laughed and hoped she wouldn't see through the paper-thin lie. "I'm just going to train him up. Make him strong, you know? Sure, it might be hard. So hard that he wants to puke his guts out, cry for his mother, or huddle in a ball in the corner…"

"Uncle…" Ruby's eyes were narrowed.

"But it's all for a good cause," he continued valiantly. "Trust me, Ruby. Your uncle knows what he's doing."

"Hm… okay…"

Okay, phew – he'd managed to trick her. Ruby wasn't the most socially aware of kids, but you couldn't underestimate her. When it came to things she was interested in, she became a lot more perceptive. This kid, this Jaune, was apparently one of those things. Come to think of it, he'd been running for a good ten minutes now. Qrow was surprised the kid hadn't folded already, but maybe now it was time to show a little mercy. If he wasn't already gasping for breath and twitching in a pool of his own vomit, that was.

"Okay, okay," Qrow called magnanimously, "You can stop running now."

"Really…?" Jaune asked, coming to a halt before him. "That's it?"

Huh?

The kid wasn't sweating, nor was he panting. His cheeks looked flushed, but that was about it. Qrow stared at him, and then looked to the backpack – which still looked heavy. He glanced back to the track. Yep, it wasn't a short one, and besides, the kid had been running for over ten minutes straight.

"Did you stop halfway?" he asked.

"Uh, no…" Jaune blinked. "You said you'd do something if I stopped running. I didn't want to test it."

But… but that didn't make sense. No one could run that hard and that fast, not for that length of time. He couldn't. Hell, even Summer hadn't been able to and that girl had energy to put Ruby to shame. Athletes didn't have that kind of endurance… not for ten minutes straight."

"You must have jogged it."

"He didn't," Ruby giggled. "Jaune has loads of stamina."

That… Qrow shook his head. On the one part, even `loads` of stamina didn't explain this. Secondly, for the sake of his sanity, he was going to assume Ruby meant that in the most innocent way possible, otherwise, performance or not, the kid was about to get intimately acquainted with his scythe. Qrow's eyes narrowed. More evidence of what had sparked Ozpin's interest, perhaps? The more he saw, the more he could sense something was going on.

This wasn't normal. People could jog for ten minutes, but not run, not with that much weight on them – which included the kid's armour. If they could, then they'd at least show the effects of it. He didn't even look winded.

It could have been Semblance related, he supposed. Ruby had speed, and while he'd never heard of a Semblance of enhanced stamina, it made sense it might be possible. Huh, maybe this wouldn't be as hard as he'd first expected. If he had this much conditioning, then all he needed to do was check on his skill and offer a few pointers.

How hard could that be?

"Okay, fine… whatever. I'll test this running of yours more in the future, and I'll keep an eye on you the next time."

"You mean you weren't this time?"

"Moving on," Qrow said, ignoring the issue entirely. "I want to see you and Ruby spar against one another. I need to get an idea of what stage you're at, and fighting against me isn't going to do that." No matter how much Qrow wanted to beat the kid into place. It might spark Ozpin's ire a little too much if he pounded him on the first day. Besides, Ruby was right here. He couldn't do that in front of her. "Go and knock each other around over there. I'll watch. Oh, and Ruby…?"

"Hm, yeah?"

Qrow grinned. "I'll buy you some cookies from that expensive place you like if you beat him."

Crescent Rose was deployed at a speed even he would have been pleased with. Ruby cocked back the handle, smiling at her soon to be perforated friend. Well, that was if she could beat him at all. Qrow wasn't convinced.

If this kid was so special even Salem wanted him, then he had to have some mad skills. He leaned forward, eager to see them in action. "Show me what you've got, Arc," he whispered.

Ruby charged forward.

Jaune hefted his sword and shield.

Qrow's face fell into his hands.

/-/

Mercury watched Cinder pace back and forth in the room, eyes blazing. Their dorm in Beacon wasn't small, but it certainly felt it when you were trapped in it with an irate Cinder Fall. He had his back to a wall, trying to look as nonchalant as he could while also trying to fade into the wallpaper. Emerald was on the other side, doing her best imitation of a lamp post. Neo was nowhere to be seen. She, at least, had seen the writing on the wall and made a break for it.

Cinder was furious… and he had the sinking suspicion it wasn't because they had detention.

Everyone had detention.

Seriously, they were going to need multiple classrooms to hold them.

"He's here," Cinder ranted, throwing her arms in the air. "How is he here? Why is he here? Why does he have an interest in Jaune?" It didn't take a genius to figure out who she meant, or that the question wasn't posed at him.

Qrow Branwen….

He was one of Ozpin's pawns, one of his most trusted agents. Even he knew that, and it was mostly from facing the guy head on. Cinder had called the retreat, either afraid of him or – more likely – exhausted from stealing half the maiden's powers. Either way, this wasn't a guy to take lightly.

"Emerald," she snapped, "You put illusions over our faces at the time, correct?"

"Y-Yes. Of course! There was no way he could have seen our faces, ma'am."

"Good. Good." Cinder sighed and slowed to a stop. "Our outfits are different enough as to not arouse suspicion, but I want you both to stick to the uniform when in Beacon. No chances. Am I understood?"

"Yes ma'am," they both echoed.

"What should we do about him?" Emerald added.

"Nothing. Not yet, anyway. There is any number of reasons he could be here, and none necessarily prevent him from leaving again."

"Perhaps he's just here to visit family," Mercury suggested.

"I might have accepted that, dear Mercury, were it not for the fact that he dragged my brother away before my eyes." Cinder's hand snapped into a fist, bursting into flame a moment later. "What are his intentions? What does he want my brother for?"

"W-Well, it can't be for anything bad, can it?" he asked, and winced when her attention turned to him. "Jaune was never involved in anything we did before. There's literally no way Qrow Branwen could know about him, right? If it was something bad, I'd imagine he would have attacked immediately."

Cinder held his gaze, and for the longest time he feared he'd said something wrong. To his relief, she nodded and relaxed. "You are right. Well done, Mercury. Your input is more than valid."

Emerald growled.

"His presence is troubling but not yet worrisome," Cinder went on. "It could easily become that, however. We are all of us aware of Jaune's current record on keeping his Grimm form under wraps. The longer her is around, the more danger he is in."

And it was still their job to look after him at the end of the day. Mercury's face paled as he realised that, and judging from Emerald's loud groan, she had too. "We're going to have to do something, aren't we?" he asked. "What can we do against a trained huntsman? We're in the middle of Beacon. It's not like we can deal with him ourselves."

Honestly, he was just relieved the guy's appearance had completely removed all thoughts of killing Ruby Rose from Cinder's mind. That would have been a hard thing to explain away, especially after the girl chucked a meat dinner in his boss' face.

Mercury's scroll beeped, hinting at a message received. It also drew all attention to him, and he hurriedly tried to silence it before Cinder become annoyed. No such luck.

"Who is that?" she snapped.

"V- My contact," he said, checking the scroll. Cinder wouldn't know the name anyway.

"Your contact!" Cinder gasped. "Yes, perfect!"

It was?

"We can't approach him for fear of being recognised," she continued, "either for our skills, form of dress of the risk he remembered our physiques. Still, we need to know why he's here and what he's doing with my brother. Your contact can play into that perfectly." Her eyes narrowed in on his. "Have her find out whatever information she can on him and what he's doing with Jaune."

Mercury's stomach fell. Yeah… it was definitely a plan. It would work, sure, and was no risk to them, but he had no idea how to convince Velvet to do all of that. The hesitation must have shown on his face, for Cinder raised an eyebrow. "I'm just not sure how to convince her without giving anything away," he said, keeping his voice as calm as possible. "I'm not saying I won't do it. Of course I will. It's just…"

Cinder nodded. "I understand. You are new to this, I suppose. Very well, since you've been particularly useful, I suppose I can extend some advice in return."

He nodded his head, relieved she wasn't upset.

"Your goal should be to create a business arrangement of sorts with her," she instructed, hands crossed under her breasts. "No one does anything for free, Mercury. If you cannot intimidate her into submission – and you can't when we need to keep our cover – then you must entice her to want to do this task. You will also need to do so in a way that does not raise her suspicions." She waved a hand. "Seeing as she believes you Jaune's friend, you could simply say that you are concerned for his safety and that your initial attempts to question Qrow Branwen were rebuffed."

Okay, that made sense. He nodded along but didn't try to interrupt.

"As for convincing her to help you, it's perhaps best to phrase it as a question and suggest that you will owe her something in return. If you know what it is she wants, you can offer that. I'm guessing you don't, however." She rolled her eyes when he coughed awkwardly. "It would be in your best interests to find out what motivate your new friend. It will let you control her all the more effectively."

"Is that how you control Torchwick, ma'am?"

"Somewhat," she said, not at all annoyed by the question. "His is a little different since he knows of our plans and is a potential risk. His loyalty must be enforced, while your contacts might yet be bought. Ultimately, she is no risk to us, so the more drastic measures can be avoided." She eyed him for a moment. "Is that enough, Mercury? I trust you do not need me to repeat myself."

"No, I've got it." He nodded his head. "Thanks for the advice, Cinder. I'll do my best to act like you would. I'll find out whatever I can."

"I will too," Emerald interrupted. "I mean, if you want me to, ma'am? Two sets of ears are better than one."

He had to roll his eyes at how desperate she sounded. Oh dear, was someone feeling let out? Heh…

"You can try, I suppose," Cinder said, casually dismissing her.

Emerald looked pained.

"I must head out to speak with my mistress," Cinder said. "I can't do so in Beacon, so I'll be sneaking out into Vale. Until then, I expect the two of you not to cause any scenes. Mercury, whatever it is your contact wishes in return – grant it."

"Anything, ma'am?"

"So long as it does not go against our goals, yes." She fixed her eyes on him. "Anything. Wealth, power, influence… all can be arranged."

Mercury tried to imagine Velvet with any of those things. They didn't really fit, especially the image of her with one foot atop her partner's back, bedecked in golden chains. Still, she had to want something. He nodded, waiting for Cinder to leave the room before his shoulders fell. Sheesh… this was going to be a pain.

"Good luck on your task," Emerald snorted. "This is where you fail, Mercury."

His response was fully automatic. "I don't need luck, babe."

"Is that so? Well then, I can't wait to see you convince some random girl to give up an hour or more of her time every day for this." Her smile was nothing less than smug. She had him to rights, and she damn well knew it. "You'll need a silver tongue to go with that hair of yours. Frankly, I don't think you've got what it takes, Merc. This is where Cinder sees what you're really made of." Emerald leaned in to whisper, "Nothing…"

"Heh…" He stood his ground, despite the trepidation he felt. "Nothing would be you lately, wouldn't it, Em? A whole load of no results, not to mention no answers to Cinder's questions. Face it, babe. You're second best."

"You bastard…"

"Don't worry, Em. You'll always have a place in my heart."

"I'll literally have a piece of your heart if you keep that up." The bile she'd had for him earlier was still there, but it was tempered now – mostly by her self-satisfied confidence. "Anyway, babe," she mocked, "I have to go and find out everything I can about this guy. I'll say again, good luck convincing your girl to help you out."

"My girl, huh? Sounds like someone is jealous."

Emerald didn't take the bait. She'd won this round. They both knew it. Now, she intended to depart the scene and savour it, long before he could think of some way to steal it back. "I'll see you later, Merc." She paused by the door. "Oh, and don't worry… there's always second best, right?"

The door slammed shut.

"Tch, what a bitch…" He cracked his neck, sitting down on his bed with a sigh. Damn it. She had him. She bloody had him. Of all the things he could have been tasked with, why did it have to be this? Mercury looked down at his scroll, a scowl on his face.

How was he meant to convince Velvet to give up her time to spy on Jaune?

/-/

When Ruby dragged Jaune back to the cafeteria, it was to find the room stoically quiet and almost suspiciously still. She wondered for a moment if it was something about their entrance, but quickly realised the nervous looks towards her was to actually see if it was Miss Goodwitch who had entered. Everyone was still nervous about their detentions and afraid to so much as drop a crumb on the floor lest it be mistaken for culinary assault.

She wasn't so bothered herself. Yeah, it sucked to have a detention, but since everyone else had one too, it wasn't like it meant anything. Weiss couldn't even tell her off for it. Well, unless she realised it was her who had accidentally thrown the can of grape soda at her feet.

Yang grinned and waved as they came over. "Hey Rubes, hey champ. How did it go?"

"Great!" Ruby said. "Qrow's going to buy me cookies."

"Why am I the champ?" Jaune asked.

"Because you managed to attract Uncle Qrow's attention," Yang said. "It's not like he goes out of his way to teach people."

"Isn't he a teacher?"

"Uh… well, yeah, technically…" She scratched her cheek. "It's more like… there's teachers and then there are teachers, okay? I guess you could saw Uncle Qrow is like Port."

"A violent psychopath…?"

Yang paused, as did most of the other people at the table. "Well, you're not wrong," she admitted. "I meant more in the sense of his lessons being questionable. He spent half of our lessons hung over."

"And the other half?"

"Drunk."

Ruby giggled at the shocked expressions from the rest of the table. That was just Uncle Qrow for you. She'd gotten used to it, as had most of Signal, and it wasn't like he didn't tell them what page to read before he passed out. Whenever he got to sparring practice, being drunk just made him nastier. It meant the training was more effective.

"Still," Yang went on, "You must have done something pretty special to catch his attention like that. For him to come all the way from Patch just to be your mentor? That's crazy."

"I agree," Weiss said. "For a professional huntsman, no matter how unprofessional, to take you on as a student…? It's a big thing."

"Perhaps he sees some potential in you," Pyrrha added.

"Oh, oh!" Nora slammed her hand down on the table. "Maybe he likes you."

"Nora, eww…" Yang made a scrunched up face, while Ruby tried not to gag on the mental image. Qrow and anyone was bad enough. Qrow and Jaune was just wrong. "Besides, Uncle Qrow is always going on about how much he chases skirts. He's a complete letch. I don't think he'd be like that."

"But didn't you say he's a bachelor? Maybe he's compensating for something. He's not ugly, so if he chases girls that bad, then why doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

Ruby blinked. Huh… now that she thought about it…

A glance toward Yang saw her sister looking back, her face just as uncertain. It made a disturbing amount of sense. Uncle Qrow had been alone for a long time.

"He's either the unluckiest man on Remnant," Nora continued, "or he's trying too hard because he wants to cover for something." She gasped and leaned forward. "Oh my God, what if he's after your father. What if their team was so complex that everyone fell for your Dad, and Qrow felt left out because he was the only one who didn't marry- Yang, Ruby? What are you doing?"

Ruby couldn't answer… mostly because she was on hands and knees, trying her hardest not to retch. The images… oh god, the images… make them stop!

"Nora," Ren sighed, rubbing his own partner's back as retched. "Can you not throw around your wild theories at the dinner table? I'd prefer it if my partner wasn't scarred for life."

"Ren," Yang whimpered. "I can see the light at the end of the tunnel…"

"Don't go near it. It might be Nora."

Yang shuddered.

"Okay, Ruby and Yang's questionable family aside…"

Ruby wanted to smash her head on the floor. She couldn't believe Jaune of all people got to call her family questionable. What was the world coming to?

"-I don't think it's quite like that. He literally said that he was training me because headmaster Ozpin asked him to."

"That makes even less sense," Weiss sighed. "Why would the headmaster want you trained specifically? What did he train you on?"

"Not really anything. He had me run laps for a bit with a heavy pack, and then made me spar against Ruby." He shrugged. "I lost by the way. She totally beat me."

"Why do you sound so pleased about that!"

"W-Well, I mean, you know…" Jaune trailed off weakly.

Ruby rolled her eyes. She'd noticed that too, especially how he didn't seem quite as upset to lose as he should have. The fight had been pretty easy, albeit that she'd needed to hit him like fifty times before he started showing any effect. He just hadn't been able to keep up with her speed. His stamina was still monstrous though. To her, it was obvious.

He'd been holding back.

It was the only thing which made sense, especially since she knew he could apparently beat Cinder Fall. There'd been no attempt by Jaune to use a super-secret Semblance on her, even when she used hers all the time. She didn't know why he'd thrown the fight, but she had a suspicion it was because he wanted to make her feel better about her loss, or help her look good in front of her Uncle.

Okay… so maybe that made her feel a little warm inside, but still! He shouldn't be going easy on her!

"I'm not saying I'm happy to have lost… it's just that I think it explains things, doesn't it? Ozpin probably asked Qrow to come and train me because I'm no good at fighting." He smiled, entirely too pleased with the idea. "He's a teacher at a school for huntsmen who are just starting out, so it makes sense he'd be better to teach me than someone like Miss Goodwitch."

Jaune might have sounded sure, but Ruby wasn't. She rolled her eyes, and then looked to Weiss in time to see the heiress having done the exact same thing. The two locked eyes, and then rolled them again for good measure.

Who did he think he was fooling?

"I'm sure that's it," Pyrrha said, patting Jaune's arm. Even she sounded like she didn't believe him, but was going along to try and make him feel better. Pyrrha had already explained her aversion of being noticed or judged for her skill and reputation, so Ruby understood why she was being so nice to Jaune.

"This is ridiculous," Weiss grumbled. "Jaune, you do realise that having a unique talent is not a terminal disease, right?"

"Unique?" His eyes widened. "I don't have anything like that. I'm just like everyone else. I have-"

"We know," Yang said loudly, holding a hand over his lips. "You don't need to go into it again. Okay, fine. So, Uncle Qrow is training Jaune because he's clearly so bad that he needs help with his combat ability." Yang made sure to ladle some extra sarcasm on that.

"Exactly," Jaune smiled, missing it entirely.

"Did you manage to convince him to take you on as well, Rubes?"

"Yep."

"You badgered him into submission, didn't you?"

"Yep."

"Aren't you still doing your night training with Pyrrha?"

"Yep," Ruby repeated for the third time. She glanced to her partner. "If Pyrrha's not busy, I mean…"

"I'm happy to help, Ruby. You know that." Her partner, friend, and all-around coolest teammate in the world smiled. "Besides, it's a chance for me to improve on my accuracy. Hitting a target moving so fast is much more difficult than I expected."

Not difficult enough, Ruby thought, recalling the previous night. Ouch. Pyrrha hit like a truck. Still, the training was good and she was definitely learning something, even if it was what not to do each time one of her moves was countered. It also didn't feel as distressing to lose as it did with Cinder. Pyrrha never teased her and never acted like she took pleasure in knocking her down.

If anything, the training was making their friendship all the stronger. Bonus points!

"Hey, maybe you should do some late night training as well, Weiss," Ruby said.

Her comment didn't go down as well as she'd hoped.

"Excuse me? Are you suggesting I'm deficient in my ability?" Weiss' book his the table, followed by her hands.

"No, no, no. I meant as a team thing. You could spar with Jaune, right? That way we'd all have a partner training thing going on. It would be cute."

"I've already sparred with him numerous times." Weiss glared at her partner, only lessening it when he wilted before her. "It's an exercise in futility, not to mention frustration. I don't think I would improve from it other than in handling my rage."

"And stamina," Pyrrha pointed out.

Weiss shrugged, conceding the point. It still didn't mean she was going to waste two hours of her night trying to poke holes in someone with an aura the size of a Goliath. "What do you think of your new mentor?" she asked, hoping to change the subject.

"He seems okay," Jaune said. "I mean, cardio is important. My Dad always says it's the most important skill for a huntsman."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He says there's no enemy you can't survive if you're really good at running."

Ruby felt a bead of sweat run down her brow. That was… well, it wasn't wrong per se. Even as Yang giggled to herself and Blake rolled her eyes, Ruby couldn't entirely deny it. It would also be a little hypocritical for her to say anything. Throwing stones in a glass house and all that…

"But what do you think of him," Weiss stressed.

"He's… okay…"

Yang waved a hand. "You can tell the truth. We're not going to be offended."

Jaune slumped. "He's weird."

Ouch. Coming from Jaune Arc no less… Ruby would have complained but well, it was Uncle Qrow. He was awesome as an Uncle, and as a huntsman, but there was no denying he was odd.

"He drinks so much, and my Mom never liked that. He also keeps muttering things to himself, sending me weird looks and just sort of wandered off shaking his head after our spar ended. He didn't even give us any advice on what would make it better."

"That's Uncle Qrow for you," Yang said. "He babysat us once."

"Once," Ruby agreed.

Dad had never let him do it again. On the bright side, Zwei had managed to put the fire out and save the house. On the even brighter side, they never had to put up with Drunkle Qrow babysitting them again. Result.

"I'm not saying he'll be a bad mentor," Jaune defended, "it's just that he's odd. I don't know. He doesn't feel as professional as Miss Goodwitch. Maybe I'm just reading him wrong. He seemed distracted."

"Eh, you're not wrong," Yang said. "He is strong though. Make no mistake of that."

Jaune nodded. "Oh, I can tell. I mean, if he's weird then he has to be strong, right?"

Ruby blinked, unsure what that was supposed to mean. She looked to Pyrrha for an answer, but she shrugged, just as confused as Ruby. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, it's just that he's a bit off," Jaune said, making a vague gesture towards his head. She felt like she ought to have defended her Uncle, but really… it was Qrow. "In my experience, all the strongest fighters are crazy. It's just a rule."

Pyrrha giggled into her hand. "Jaune, I don't think there's a rule for that. Why would you even think it?"

"I've never seen it be proven wrong," he said. He sounded convinced. "My uncles are all really strong, and they're downright bizarre."

"Maybe it's just uncles in general," Yang suggested. "Besides, in what way are they odd?"

"Well, Uncle Tyrian is a bit of a psycho. He basically walks around calling my Mom a Goddess, and spends the rest of his time talking like a poet."

"So he's into poetry," Weiss said. "That's not odd. It's art."

"No, you don't understand. He's into poetry like Yang is into puns."

"He sounds awesome," Yang grinned.

"He sounds horrible," Ren deadpanned. Yang squawked and asked him what that was supposed to mean, but the rest of them just nodded in understanding.

"My others aren't much better," Jaune went on. "Hazel is really quiet and doesn't talk much, but he's a nightmare when it comes to training people. He also gets really faraway looks sometimes, and one of my sisters told me how he took her into Mistral and would get cans of pop from vending machines by punching them into submission."

Sounds like Yang, Ruby wanted to say.

"Sounds like Nora," Ren said.

"I like him already!" Nora added.

"Uncle Watts is a little saner, but he still does weird stuff. Whenever someone buys me something, he has this weird thing where he has to buy something bigger and better. I actually have a car, by the way."

"You can drive?" Yang asked, amazed.

"No." Jaune sighed. "I also don't have a driveway, a garage, or a road within at least several hundred miles of where I live. To this day, I don't even know how he got the car there." He shook his head and picked at his food. "To be honest, the only sane and strong huntsman I know is my Dad."

This was the man who got captured, imprisoned, and then chose to seduce and sleep with the one who did it to him, fathering what was it, eight children with her? Ruby shared a look with her team. Each of them nodded back. Yep, his father was as insane as the rest.

"Okay, admittedly that's a rather compelling argument, but I'm not sure it applies to everyone," Pyrrha tried. "You can't just-"

"Port." Jaune sighed.

"W-Well…"

"Oobleck."

"He's- I mean, it's really more of an addiction I think…"

"Ozpin, Goodwitch, Qrow," Jaune waved a hand as though to go on, but didn't. "I suppose we could include Torchwick in that too, a guy who walks around wearing mascara."

"And is a criminal," Weiss added. "I'd have thought that would be the first sign something was wrong with him, as opposed to the man-liner."

"W-Well, it's a small sample size," Pyrrha said desperately. Ruby thought she could see the girl's world tumbling down around her. "It's not like it proves anything, right? It's not like it's a perquisite to being a good huntsman or huntress."

No one at the table could answer.

Weiss groaned, "We're all going to go insane, aren't we?"

"Probably," Blake said. "I'd say half of us are already there."

/-/

Ozpin raised an eyebrow as Qrow Branwen burst through the door to his office. The grizzled huntsman looked far more haggard than he usually did for… what was it, four in the afternoon? He stormed forward, pulled out a chair and sat down opposite the headmaster. He also reached over and drank his coffee.

"Help yourself…" Ozpin drawled.

"Cool, thanks. I needed that." Qrow put the cup down, which tottered and spilled out, the last dregs somehow slithering across the desk on an unerring path for Ozpin's paperwork.

He pulled it out of the way and sighed. "Could you not do that?"

"If I could turn it off, I would. Fair warning, it's going for your computer."

Ozpin managed to save the document before the tiny drizzle slipped onto the keyboard, and then somehow managed to short circuit the whole thing. It didn't make sense. Semblances rarely did. "I suppose there's a reason you felt the need to break into my office," Ozpin said, "other than causing undue damage to my equipment." He blinked, and then added, "Also, my office is at the top of an elevator. Why, and how, did you break through the door?"

Qrow pulled out his hip flask and took a long swig. "Yeah, you're going to need a new elevator. As for how, I climbed up. Don't you have a secondary entrance or something?"

He did, but there was no way he was going to tell Qrow about it. He'd like to keep his second entrance, thank you very much. Ozpin sighed and pulled out his scroll, sending a quick message to Glynda requesting she contact a repairman.

"So," he began, once it was sent. "How did your first meeting with Mr Arc go?"

The way Qrow's head banged against the desk didn't speak well.

"He's a joke," he growled. "It's ridiculous! He can't fight for peanuts, not to mention that Ruby basically tore him to pieces in front of my eyes. He's got stamina, sure. The idiot can run for ages and take a beating to boot, but when it comes to actual fighting? Oh my God, let me get started…"

Ozpin rolled his eyes and listened with half an ear as Qrow read out a laundry list of problems with the student's combat ability. They ranged from stance to balance, and also general aggression. During it, Ozpin poked his computer, trying to see if he could coax some life back into it.

"Are you even listening!?"

"Yes," he lied. "He was able to fight off Grimm on numerous occasions, however. Salem's interest in the boy is clear, assuming that Hentacle was sent by her. Considering his appearance, I find it hard to believe otherwise."

"Yeah, too much of a coincidence there," Qrow added. "It's just… the kid's a mess. I tried to talk to him afterwards, and the answers I got to my questions were ridiculous."

"How so? I've found Mr Arc to be a forthright, if unusual, young man."

"Pah, that's putting it lightly. I tried to do a little digging like you asked me to, find out if he knows anything about what makes him so special." He grumbled something under his breath and swung his feet up atop the desk. They instantly scuffed the polish. "I got to talking about his fighting ability and he seemed pleased I wasn't impressed, like being average – or below average – was some kind of accomplishment. I asked him what made him so special, and he started talking about knees or something. Knees, Ozpin. God damned knees!"

"I did say unusual…"

"That's putting it lightly. I pushed him on how he killed the Grimm and he just sort of shrugged, made up some silly story about how he convinced the Nevermore to let him go by being nice to it. When I asked about the Beowolf, he got this miserable expression and said it `wouldn't be convinced` so he had to put it down."

Ozpin leaned forward, "Which he managed unarmed, Qrow."

"I know, I know. I can see the writing on the wall." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "The kid's holding back. It's obvious. I think even Ruby saw it, and she mentioned something about how if he used his Semblance, he'd have won easily. Thing is, the kid went very tight-lipped about what exactly that was."

Interesting. Very interesting. Ozpin didn't think he needed to tell Qrow to look a little more into that. If anything, it looked like his frustration today had only convinced him to try harder. "Will you be continuing your training with him then? It would be in our best interests for Salem not to acquire him, whatever it is that makes him special."

"Yeah, I'll keep going," Qrow growled. "If only to beat the truth out of him. I've got a few ideas of what I can do. I've told him to meet me in the training areas at six each morning."

Six? That seemed unusually early, especially for Qrow. He seemed to recall that the man liked to rise at the crack of noon, and no sooner. "I do hope you're not taking out any frustrations on the young man," Ozpin warned. "Frustrations of a… protective nature."

"I have no idea what you mean."

Qrow's face was flat… but not very convincing.

"Young Miss Rose and Xiao-Long?"

"I have no idea what you mean. Never heard of them."

"Keep him alive, please. I don't wish to explain to an over-protective parent why their son died in our care. I'm not sure who his mother is, but if she is anything like the father, then I'd rather not deal with it."

"Yeah, and that's another thing," Qrow said. "Since when did Nicholas Arc get married?"

Yes, that was an interesting question, wasn't it? Although none could have called he and Nicholas close, Ozpin did have a tendency to keep an eye on some of the stronger huntsmen and huntresses across Vale. Nicholas was one such, and if he'd gotten married, let alone had children, then he felt confident in saying he would have heard about it. "I hadn't known," he admitted. "I also didn't know you knew Nicholas."

"I don't," he shrugged, "not personally anyway. Hard not to know of the guy though, he's crazy strong. I hear the Grimm can't even touch him. Like, he never gets injured by them. Ever. It's damn weird."

"Which makes his son's performance all the stranger, don't you think?"

"Yeah. If he was trained by Nicholas, then there's no way he can't hold his own. The kind of stamina he has, there has to be some training there." Qrow growled. "If he thinks he can fake being useless and trick me, he has another thing coming. I'll drag the truth out of him, find out what Salem is after, and then finally find out what he intends to do with my nieces!"

Ozpin sighed. He felt like pointing out the last part wasn't entirely integral to their plans, but didn't bother. It wasn't like Qrow would listen.

"Speaking of," he went on, "What are you going to do about this Hentacle guy? I can't exactly hunt him down if I'm stuck looking after the kid. The moment I leave him alone, he's going to get snatched. We're lucky he got out the first two times, but luck has a habit of wearing thin – especially when I'm around."

"There's little we can do at this time. He has yet to remain on the scene once a professional huntsman arrives… he also has the backing of Torchwick, and yes, Qrow, I realise that bodes poorly for the future. I am looking into it."

"He has more than the backing of Torchwick if the rumours are believed. Sounds like he spends a lot of his time behind him anyway, if you know what I mean."

"Qrow… that was not the mental image I needed."

"I mean, do you think they do it normally?"

"Qrow…"

"Or do you think he uses his ten-"

"Qrow!"

"Oh right, sorry." He neither sounded nor looked apologetic. "Anyway, my point is that I can't be in two places at once. The way I see it, we have one objective; keep the kid away from Salem. I'm all for making him strong enough to look after himself, but I'd feel a little safer if we did the second option too, aka exterminate that son of a bitch with extreme prejudice."

"And your fascination with this option has nothing to do with a certain newspaper clipping I sent through to you?" Ozpin asked. Qrow neither confirmed or denied it, but it wasn't like he needed to. "Qrow, I think we should leave him to the proper authorities for now."

"Ozpin, that thing touched my niece. I am the proper authority."

"And right now there is nothing that can be done," he countered. "Keeping Mr Arc away from those who cannot be trusted is more important. We would have wanted you here eventually anyway. I'm concerned about Amber's safety."

"Yeah, no kidding. Some old guy has her locked up in his basement."

"Because of Hentacle," Ozpin sighed. "Not me."

Qrow laughed. "I'm kidding, Oz. Don't worry. I get it." He kicked his feet off the table and rose up. "I guess I'll be sticking around anyway, so I can help out. "I'll be training Ruby alongside him, so maybe that'll help him come out of his shell a little. I'll do what I can to draw this Semblance out of him, and report back what I find."

"And if you see Hentacle…"

"I'll only act to defend everyone," he said, "But fair warning, if Ruby or Yang are in danger – they come first."

Ozpin nodded. It wasn't like he expected any less, and hopefully it wouldn't come up. From what little he'd seen, if they were in danger then Mr Arc would not be willing to leave without saving them either. Things would be fine. Qrow was more than strong enough.

"Anyway, I'll head off," he said, wandering toward the door. "I'll catch you later. It's been a long journey here and I need to grab some rest."

"Ah, Qrow, didn't you say the elevator was bro-"

Qrow took a step through the door and vanished. A long wail faded down below, followed by the sound of an impact, and then heavy cursing. Ozpin sighed and reached a hand up to massage the bridge of his nose.

"Never mind…"

/-/

Qrow sighed and settled down into his room, sipping a cold can of beer he'd brought along. It was a wonder the kid hadn't asked what was in the backpack he'd been told to run around the track with, but it hardly mattered. He had other things on his mind.

Namely, a thing with tentacles, Grimm powers and a tendency to run into his nieces…

Leave it to the proper authorities? Yeah, right. Ozpin might have been fine playing the long game, and Qrow was normally happy to go along with the guy, but this was different. If Ruby and Yang were in danger, then he couldn't leave things as they were.

On the other hand, he couldn't leave the kid either. Salem wanted him. That was clear. Whatever she wanted, he didn't want to let happen. Ruby and Yang might not survive that either, especially if she wanted him for some ability or power he had.

I can't be in two places at once. I need to stay here in Beacon, but I can't just leave Hentacle to run free around the city, especially if he's in cahoots – or bed – with Torchwick.

He couldn't be in two places at once, but there might be someone who could take over the task of hunting Hentacle down.

It was just convincing them that would be the problem.

There was a knock at the door. Qrow sighed and looked at his beer, then toward the source of the noise. If he stayed really quiet, they might go away. Unless it was Ruby, in which case she'd continue forever. Or Yang, in which case the door would be knocked down. Or Glynda, or Ozpin, or Port... in the end, he sighed and staggered over. It wasn't worth the risk.

The face that looked back at him as he opened the door was familiar. Too familiar. Qrow checked his scroll.

"I said six in the morning, kid."

"I know," Jaune nodded. "I just thought, well, since you're my mentor and all, I should come to you if I needed some advice. Besides, you'd be the best to know."

"Ugh." Qrow rubbed his forehead. "I'm your combat mentor, not a life coach. Fine. You get one question. What is it?"

Jaune smiled and nodded.

"I need to ask Yang on a date. What would you suggest?"

The door slammed shut in his face. Qrow staggered to his table, sat down, and then sighed as the chair broke, spilling him onto the carpet. He considered standing, then gave up and simply brought the can to his lips. Nope. He wasn't dealing with this nightmare. Nuh-uh.

He was going to drink until he could forget the whole damned day ever happened.

Ah, there we go. An enjoyable enough chapter to write, and hopefully to read as well. Qrow is an enjoyable character, and probably one of my favourites, even if his dialogue comes across a little dense at times.

And my, oh my, it does feel like I made a lot of gay jokes in this chapter. I blame their teenage hormones, well, that and the shock of Torchwick's suggestive behaviour around Hentacle. Obviously, no offence is meant and all that. This is a comedy Fanfiction and the views are expressed by fictional characters in a fictional world.

Besides, we all know Qrow just is that unlucky. Poor guy. Somewhere on Remnant, there's a guy who gained a Semblance for too "much" luck, and contrary to expectation, his life is just as painful. Whenever he drops a cone of ice-cream, a nearby kid's is knocked out of their hands by a pigeon and into his – whereupon he's instantly beset by an angry mother, whose skirt falls down randomly – leading to him being slapped.

And he's won the lottery so many times he fears for his life. He doesn't even enter them anymore but he keeps winning! The criminals are hiding outside his house, and it's only luck that allows him to survive to his car each morning, their bullets whizzing overhead – luckily missing him but causing untold damage to everyone else.

He just wants a normal life!

Ahem… yes… well, random fic idea there I suppose, lol. As a reminder, my profile is updated, and future fics are now detailed there. I've tried to include reasons for why some have been delayed, since I know people were looking forward to specific ones.

Next Chapter: 29th June

P a treon . com (slash) Coeur