Chapter 19: Strength

"You never know what a day can do to you.

One day you're happy, positive and satisfied,

The next, you realize that you've lost everyone and everything that mattered.

You never know what a day can do to you.

Either give you a true sense of reality,

Or snatch it right from the palm of your hand." (MissKirei)

The drip-drop sound of the glucose tube was the only sound that echoed through the hospital room where Misaki lay lifelessly. Tora sat on the side chairs with his fingers intertwined together as he looked at her. He seemed to be disappointed in her though, bearing an unfathomable expression on his face.

"We have just begun the chemo and the side effects have started to kick in. To be honest, she's at an early stage so there are good chances of her survival, but it would be hard to walk away without any side effects. Cancer doesn't leave you without a parting gift." Dr Ayame, who seemed to be more philosophical than necessary, said when she entered Misaki's room.

"What kind of side effects?" Tora asked as he stared at Misaki's sleeping form.

"Inability to do menial day to day tasks alone, since chemo directly affects the brain—memory loss and changes in appetite are common. May also lead to severe hair loss…" She said in a small voice as Tora frowned.

"Isn't there something that can be done?" Tora said with a distasteful voice, he couldn't hide the hints of desperation in his tone, but couldn't bother to conceal it anymore.

"Keep her happy," Ayame said with a smile, thinking back to something. She was lost in thought for a moment before she realised that she was with a patient. She kept her front hair behind her ear and gave him a reassuring smile, "Happiness can heal the most deep rooted scars a person can have. Trust me."

Tora nodded, these empty words of false hope didn't flatter him. Surely, he wanted her to be happy, but he was mad at himself—at the world because there weren't any better forms of chemo which didn't involve a thousand side effects.

"Misaki keeps to herself too much." She said, out of the blue. "She hasn't told about her condition to anyone except for you." She stated. Tora looked up, was she asking him or was she telling?

"She should open up more, letting people in would help her ease out the process… Which is why I'm taking her somewhere."

"Where? You know better than me, doctor, that she is in no shape to go anywhere." Tora said, had she lost her mind?

"I am fully aware, but the place I will take her isn't far from here, also, being her doctor, I will take good care of her."

"Well then, its settled."

Misaki found herself sitting in a group of 10 people. Everyone seemed to be smiling. She looked in the direction of Dr Ayame, who was sitting next to her. She had dragged Misaki along, saying that this was an exercise and was a part of her treatment.

"Hi guys, I'm Ayame and I would like you all to welcome Misaki to the group, Misaki dear, why don't you go on and introduce yourself?"

"Hello Misaki," Everyone said with a smile as Misaki bowed to everyone.

"How are you all, I'm Misaki," She said timidly and sat down, not knowing what to say.

"I will start today." A girl said.

"Hello, I'm Kim Siwon"

"Hello Kim Siwon" Everyone said, "I'm a leukaemia patient, in the third stage. I've been fighting for three years. I just wanted to share that I have been feeling lonely lately. I feel like this fight is not even worth it anymore. I know and I understand the value of life and especially mine since its short, but I just feel like no matter how hard I try, it would always end up with me dying on everyone near me and its soul-shattering to imagine that moment. I just wanted to get this thought off my chest. Thank you."

"You are not alone Kim-san"

"You shouldn't think that living is worthless, you might regret it in your last moments"

"If you think that life is short, why don't you enjoy what's left of it?"

"If you're so desperate to not leave everyone devastated when you go away, why don't you spend your life making them happy?"

Kim Siwon bowed and thanked everyone. Everyone clapped and Ayame stood up, "Misaki, why don't you go next, say what's on your mind?"

"Me?" Misaki's eyes widened, what was she going to say?

"Yes, go ahead. Let it out." Kim said.

Misaki nodded with a small smile. "Hello, I'm Misaki. I have recently found out about my cancer. To be honest, I'm doing kind of okay, really. It hurts sometimes but it's not as bad right now." Misaki smiled brightly. Everyone seemed to be silent and Misaki looked down, her smile crumbled.

"Why don't you try being a little more honest with yourself, dear?" Madam Ahn said the smile on her wrinkled face shattered Misaki's façade.

"Okay, if I'm being completely honest here. I'm doing okay. Every day I wake up alive I feel thankful that I didn't wake up in the hospital surrounded by drips and doctors. What bothers me is the fact that one day I will have to explain to my parents that there's a good chance I wouldn't be alive to see my younger sister get married, or I wouldn't have the chance to take care of my parents to repay them for the love and support they have provided me with. I have been a strong pillar to them in hard times and now I just feel like I don't have the strength to tell them what I'm going through." She half chuckled as a tear slid down, "I have never felt so emotionally broken in my life before. Things have been hard and there were some really bad phases in my life and I have fought hard and survived through each one of those phases but I don't think I can survive this phase. I feel like I am responsible for so many people in my life—but I'm just being a coward no matter what I do…"

Ayame placed a hand on Misaki's shoulder as she vented out, "You've done well so far, Misaki."

Everyone nodded, "You've done well…"

Misaki wiped her face, "I have a feeling that well isn't going to be enough this time."

Madam Ahn spoke, "Misaki dear, think about this—why is it that we only want to share our happiest moments with the people that we love? Why are we so afraid of sharing the pain? It's because we feel like nobody else will be able to understand the pain that we go through…" The old lady sighed as she clutched her pendant firmly, "Try to place yourself in your family's position. If your mother hid such a thing from you and you found out in her last moments, you would probably blame yourself your entire life for it. You would feel that your mother couldn't find enough faith in you to be able to share such an important thing from you. I think that would be the worst."

"She's right."

"You should definitely tell them, no matter what happens." Everyone nodded and Misaki blinked away the tears that pooled in her eyes. "Where do I find the strength to do that?"

"Strength will come from within. You are a pretty strong-willed woman Misaki, whether you like it or not." Ayame said, "Even if you can't feel that strength right now, it is what is at your core. You need to reconnect with your lost self and find that strength again. Go places you liked, visit people who had an impact on you, drown in nostalgia, and you will find your lost self."

"Thank you, everyone." Misaki bowed.

"Why don't I go next?" Ayame said.

"Hello everyone, I'm Ayame. I'm a doctor and the founder of this community. I started this group sharing practice in my hospital a few years ago. I was married young—we were 20. My husband, who was also a doctor, got cancer after one year of marriage, we found out too late and I tried my best to save but I guess some things are not in our control, are they?" She smiled and everyone seemed to be shocked.

"The passing of my husband—the love of my life, taught me the best life lesson. The message to me—someone who always strived for perfection, was that sometimes you lose. You're never too perfect to lose, it just happens when it has to happen. I was a 21-year-old widow who didn't know what to do with her life anymore. I felt broken inside out, lost without a purpose. I blamed the gods for taking the love of my life away from me. I was so mad at the universe for doing this to me. I realised the importance of life and living each moment like it was the last one. My husband lives through me, and through the work I do, that's all…"

"Thank you for sharing, Ayame." Everyone said and Misaki looked at Ayame when she smiled and laughed. At that moment, Misaki felt empty and neutral, she didn't feel any sort of emotion when she looked at her. What was this feeling?

Later that evening, she dialled Takumi's number.

"Are you doing something important right now?" She said timidly.

"Not at all," Takumi said on the phone.

"Can I see you?" she said, biting her lip.

"Text me your location, I'll meet you there in ten minutes," Takumi said and cut the call.

"This meeting will have to be postponed. Something important came up." He said to the board of directors sitting in front of him. He stood up and left the conference hall, leaving the remaining fifty people gaping at him.

||MISS_KIREI||

Hmm… so I'm back after almost ten months? Or was it nine months?

Anyway, I'm finally back! I know everyone's angry that I used to update but I never updated this particular story. I'm sorry about that, it was just that I saw great potential in this story and felt like this story deserved more time spent on it. Time which I did not have at that time (I still don't, but I'm changing my schedule soon.) After so many messages and personal requests, I just knew that I had to return to this story. My apologies to everyone who waited. It's not possible for me to reply to the pending reviews but I will reply to all the reviews I get from now on.

Due to lack of time, I was only able to write a small chapter, please let me know what you thought and I'll see you next time with another update.

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