Wilting Roses

Chapter Seven

Restart

I wanted to be something other than helpless in the face of the giant black hole of emotion that had sucked me into it's gravity's pull. But I escaped the vortex only to be sucked into something far more sinister; that left me far more incapable of freeing myself from my wretched fate.

The first day I stayed home from school I was consumed by thoughts of worry, fear, and panic. I spent all day curled up under my sheets, a box of tissues next to me, and the constant sound track of Jasper's knocks on my locked door, concerned questions coming from the other side; and the incessant ringing and buzzing of my phone as people tried to call and text me.

I was too numb, too wrapped up in my own world to give a care as to how concerned they must be over my sudden actions. I was wallowing in my own misery, in the fate that life had dealt me.

The second day was a bit better. I was able to get out of bed, and clean up the mess of crumpled up tissues on the floor from my near constant spontaneous crying sessions. Today I felt all cried out, a sort of weary relief hanging on my shoulders. I stretched, opened the curtains, let some light into my room. But I spent the rest of my time in bed, still thinking about my life.

The third day, I carried less of a sense of world ending devastation with me. Hours and hours of contemplation and consideration and bemoaning had lead me to a conclusion. My crush was here to stay. I couldn't do anything about it, that much was obvious. And neither could I continue to stand by to weather it out. Doing nothing about it, had lead to nothing changing. And no matter how much I tried to mentally force myself to hate Bella, I couldn't. She didn't deserve my hatred.

I got up, paced the room, opened up some snacks and ate for the first time in 72 hours. Then I slept peacefully for the first time since.

On the fourth day I decided I had to go back to school. A whole line of my friends had come up to my door, knocking on it, begging me to come out, to at least make a noise to show that I was okay in the very least.

My brother tried to tempt me with food. "Come on, Rosalie. You need to eat. I got you your favorite food."

Alice worried for my health and looks. "Come on, it's not good for you to stay cooped up there like that. All that moping around will give you indigestion and wrinkles!"

Edward worried for my mental health. "Rosalie, if you're having a mental breakdown, please, please, let us help you."

Emmett tried to crack some jokes. "Hey, why was the mushroom always invited to the party? Because he was a fungi!"

Even Bella showed up. "Rosalie, we're all worried about you. Just let us know what we can do to help you. Please, we're your friends."

My throat had gotten tight at her words. She was the reason I was feeling this way, but I couldn't tell anyone. I couldn't.

On the fourth day, not only did I leave my room, finally pulling myself together, I had also come to a decision. I wasn't going to let this crush ruin my life anymore. I was Rosalie fucking Hale, ice queen, and I had gone through worse things than this. I was going to be strong, I wasn't going to let these feelings get the best of me.

Not only that, but I had decided I was finally going to confess my crush to Bella. I was going to tell her how I really felt. If I did, then maybe she would get freaked out and leave me alone. And I could live with that, because I had tried to do something about my feelings- had tried to not let them faze me. And if she wasn't around me as often, then perhaps my crush would finally dissipate.

But if she did like me...and answered to my confession...well, then I guess that path was okay too. But I wasn't going to be overly optimistic. There was a five percent chance of that being the case. And even if she did like me back, how would I date her? I wasn't gay, this was just a one off thing that had happened. And if I dated her then rumors would go around the school and I didn't want that sort of reputation around me.

So, I was hoping she would reject my confession. The only thing was, when should I tell her?

When I went downstairs in the morning, I found Jasper there, eating his breakfast halfheartedly. He lifted his eyes upon hearing my footsteps and dropped his fork so he could jump up and wrap his arms around me. "Rosalie. So good to see you. How are you? What happened?" He pulled away to look at me with concerned eyes.

I gave him a small apologetic smile. "I'm sorry to have worried you so. I was just...I'll tell you later. I don't feel like talking about it right now. But know that I am feeling better."

"We were all worried."

"I know. And I have to apologize to everyone for worrying them. I promise, I'm better now."

Jasper didn't press for answers thankfully, and when we went to school, all of my friends were glad to see me again. Emmett pulled me into a big bear hug, Alice jumped up into my arms and Bella offered me a smile. Edward stood off to the side, watching me with brooding eyes. Once everyone had dispersed, going off to class at the sound of the bell, Edward got up off of the lockers he was leaning on and took my elbow gently. "Rosalie. I'm really sorry for what I did. If I had known ahead of time, I would have never mentioned Bella to you."

What? My heart came to a stuttering stop. Did he know? Did he somehow know of my infatuation on her?

"It was insensitive of me. And rude. And I hope you will forgive me for it. I know my having a crush on Bella has hurt you, especially given the feelings you carry for me."

"Huh?" was all that left my mouth right now, as my dumbfounded brain tried to catch up with what he was saying.

"I appreciate your feeling for me, but sadly I cannot accept them, nor can I reject the ones I have for Bella."

"You're turning me down?" I mouthed, eyes wide.

"Yes. I am. I saw that giving you false hope made you very upset, given by your three day shut in behavior. And I know this will hurt too, but it's easier this way and better for you." His eyes were pensive, and he squeezed my hand gently. "I hope we can remain friends."

I couldn't hold back a laugh at his serious face. "What the hell, Eddy. You thought I had a crush on you?"

Now it was his turn to be bewildered. "Yes. Do you not?" he ventured slowly.

"God, no. No I don't." Another laugh.

"But Alice-"

And suddenly I was seething on those words. "Alice said what?" I grit out between my teeth. He sensed my sudden mood switch and let go of me, running a hand through his hair.

"She told me...that you liked me. And that it was probably why you were locked up. She told me to give you a chance, to go on a date. Maybe that I would like you back. But I couldn't do that. It felt wrong to go on dates with you if I didn't feel the same way."

Ah, Eddy. Always the gentleman.

And, Alice, that little meddler. We were going to have a nice good long talk.

"I assure you, Edward. I. Don't. Have. Feelings. For. You." I punctuated each statement with a hand clap. "Okay?"

"Uh, okay?" he swallowed, looking scared now. He knew how I could get when I was mad. "But why would Alice say that?"

"Alice, misinterpreted something I had said. And now, if you excuse me, I have to hunt her down." With that I swiveled on my heels and left.

I texted Alice with shaking fingers to meet me by the second floor bathroom, screaming at some girls to clear it out so it would be empty. Alice arrived ten minutes later to find me tapping my foot and arms crossed against my chest. "You're late."

"Look, let me explain-"

"Yes, I would love to hear an explanation on why you thought it prudent to reveal my crush to Edward!" My screams bounced off of the tiled walls and I had to remind myself to quiet down or else other people from outside would hear me. And the last thing I wanted was someone else knowing.

Alice was a tad wary in the face of my anger. "I was concerned for you. For your health. You have to understand that from my perspective I saw you in pain and I wanted to help." Her voice was soft, begging me to understand.

"And you thought that by telling Edward it would help?" I snapped out.

"You locked yourself up in your room!" Alice threw her hands out. "That was very concerning behavior. What the hell else was I supposed to do. All I knew was that you were upset about something Edward had done, and so I figured if I came clean to him, then you'd be happier."

"Well, it didn't amount to anything, because he turned me down, anyways."

"He did?" Now Alice looked pissed too. "Why that high moral prick!"

"Don't you dare talk to him about this issue anymore, you hear?" I scolded her. "I'm done with it."

"But-"

"No. You've already done enough damage. Let me handle the rest."

Alice's shoulders sagged but she nodded her head. "Okay. And I'm sorry. I was only trying to help."

"Try less next time," I said as I pushed my way out of the bathroom, leaving Alice behind.

That had been a week ago. I was still mad at Alice, barely talking to her during our combined periods and most certainly ignoring her texts and calls. And Edward was still awkward around me, squirming uncomfortably when he had to interact with me. I didn't really care for his reactions. I was too busy not talking to Alice. This weirdness between the three of us was affecting the whole table, making my lunches taste sour, and making Emmett gloomy.

"Come on, what's up with all of you guys. Why are you acting so weird."

I didn't answer that, merely flipped my hair over my shoulder. Edward gave a faked chuckle. "What are you talking about man? We're all good."

Emmett rolled his eyes. "I'm not blind dude. I can see something happened." When Edward didn't drop a hint as to what could have happened, Emmett squared up his big shoulders. "I thought we were a team."

"Let's do something this weekend then. A bonfire. It'll help resolve our issues, if none of you want to talk about it." Jasper eyed me as he said this and I pretended to be oblivious to the fact that I still hadn't told him what had bothered me to the point of shutting me in.

"Oh yea, a bonfire!" Alice and Emmett both cheered. Bella didn't know what that was.

"A bonfire?"

"Yes, it's a tradition among us," I answered her question. "But you can come if you want."

If she came, it would give me a great opportunity to confess my attraction to her. All week long I had been thinking about how to tell her. I was of course dreading it, but I knew if I told her it'd be a big weight off of my shoulders. And if she avoided me after it, all the better. It was only if she said yes that it was worrying me. But then again, there was no way that would happen.

"Sure, I'd love to see it," Bella said.

We typically held our bonfires in a special spot in the woods, secluded from anyone. Each of us was responsible for bringing something. Eddy brought the music, Emmett brought the fire wood and lighter. Jasper brought the beer cooler, Alice brought the marshmallows and hot chocolate and I brought the board games. This time, since Bella was joining, she brought extra blankets in case anyone got cold.

Jasper decided a bonfire this Saturday would be a splendid idea. It wouldn't be too cold and we didn't have a lot of homework that weekend.

We carpooled to the forest in Emmett's off road Jeep, parking it by the entrance of the woods. Since it was late at night, it was pretty dark and we all turned on our flashlights.

"Wow, this place is kind of scary," Bella breathed out, her breath clouding around her like white smoke. "How do you not get lost in such a big place." She craned her neck up at the tall trees.

"Easy. We've been here so many times." I tailed after Alice, me and Bella making up the end of the single file line we were in.

"And there's so many rocks and-shit!" Bella squeaked out as she tripped over some rocks and nearly face planted. I grabbed onto her shoulder as her arms latched onto my jacket and helped her regain her balance.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yea. But uh, let me hold your hand. I don't wanna fall again." And before I could say no, her hand slipped into mine, holding on tight.

She's holding my hand! I squealed internally, relishing the feel of her skin on mine. I hoped this moment would last forever, and I was so wrapped up in it that I barely spoke as Bella continued to talk. But soon we reached the spot and she pulled her hand away from mine when Emmett called her over. "Hey, Bells, you wanna see how I light this baby up?"

"Sure." She scurried over to join him and the empty pit where the fire would be.

I hated that she had to leave. My hand felt colder without hers there. But I busied myself with setting up the campsite. I brushed snow off of the logs we sat on while Alice readied the snacks so we could cook them. Edward and Jasper were off gathering fire wood to add on later to the pile.

Eventually the fire got roaring and with tending from Emmett and Bella, it rose into a giant flame.

"Bella, why don't you sit here?" Edward called over from the other side. He patted the spot he had saved her. I felt a tinge of anger at that, but I pushed it aside. She was free to sit wherever she wanted.

"No, it's okay. I'll sit by Rosalie." I felt my chest swell with happiness and I would have childishly stuck out my tongue at him in victory but held myself back. She had chosen me and not him!

We sat down on the logs, Bella joining me on my log, where I sat next to Jasper. We began to roast marshmallows and cracked open a couple of cold beers. Jasper and Emmett instigated some conversation, forcing me and Alice and Edward to talk to one another. It was awkward going at first, but with a couple of beers, we were more open with each other. The tension between us wasn't completely erased but it wasn't as bad as it was before. We eventually played some board games, laughing and shrieking in excitement as we won or lost, or cheated our way across the board.

By the end of the three hours here, we had devolved into doing our own things. Emmett was trying to bring life back to the dying fire having headed to the car to fetch some fuel. Jasper was off in the woods with Alice somewhere. Edward was taking a piss far off, and I was sitting on a log, drinking my last beer. Bella had drifted off to sleep and her head was snuggled up on my lap, blanket wrapped around her shoulders as she slumbered. I watched her, tracing her contours with my eyes. The dying flames glowed warmly on her face, making her lips pop with color, making her dark lashes gleam. I wanted to kiss her, to taste the fires dancing on her lips, to brush the embers from her eyes.

I had meant to confess to her today, but so much had happened. Me and Alice had made up. Edward and I had come to terms about how I didn't really like him like that and how he didn't like me like that either. We were content to be just friends.

So I practiced my confession now, my drunken words loud in the cold air. "Bella. I know this may be weird and you may freak out after hearing this. But I care for you. More than just a friend. And I wish to be able to cherish you. To show you how much I adore you." She didn't stir, too far gone in sleep brought on by alcohol.

Then I leaned down and softly brushed my lips on her brow. My lips tingled from the touch and she let out a soft contented sigh before snuggling in closer. I continued to peer down at her, my fingers slowly patting her brown hair, before I looked up and gave a choked start. Edward had come back and he was sitting on the log across from me, peering at me with darkened eyes.

"When did you-?"

"Enough to hear and see everything." His words were biting. Chilling more so than the air. I gulped deeply, feeling the first vestiges of panic settling in.

"You-"

"How long have you liked her?"

I looked away from him, rolling the beer bottle in my palm.

"I asked, how long have you liked her?"

"Does it matter?" I weakly whispered back.

"Did you try to break us up? To get in between me and Bella? Is that what all those weird interruptions by you and Alice were? All a fucking trick so you could fucking land her?" His voice rises in volume. Bella grimaces at the sound but doesn't wake.

"Alice doesn't know. No one does. I wasn't going to do anything about it." My grip tightens on the bottle.

"Damn right you won't. And don't you dare get in the way of me and Bella ever again." With that he angrily gets up and walks away. I peer at the dying fire with watery eyes. It looks like the confession wouldn't be happening. Because it wasn't mine to make anymore.

I slowly slid out from under Bella. I had to take a walk. I had to be alone right now.

This time I had a sinking feeling that I was about to lose any chance I had with Bella to Edward for once and for all.

A/N: Don't worry, it gets better from here on. Bella's not about to let Edward dictate her feelings for her.