Days since Rhett walked out: ~290. On the brighter side, I guess at least I have Mammy. On the shittier side, Suellen said that's what spinsters say.

Location: Atlanta.

I actually sat like a chicken in Savannah for a good 3 weeks before crawling to Atlanta. Was dreading seeing the house, but I couldn't avoid it forever. We arrived in the quiet of early morning. As I fell out of the carriage, I had peered up at the edifice, and it hardly felt like home. I had walked for the first time to the door that Rhett walked out of, except this time approaching it from the other side of the sill. I held my hand out before finally touching the door, pausing and soaking in the shitty memories. My heart twisted. Touching the door was like pricking a thorn.

I looked over my shoulder, and I watched his shadow disappear all over again. I stared for minutes before crossing the threshold into a Rhet-less life.

Feng shui success: 0.

I've decided to feng shui my room in hopes it would help forget my old haunts. I think I have to hire someone to do this for me professionally. Unfortunately, my home designing skills have not improved since the house was built.

Rooms rented out: almost every one! Call me Scarlett the hotelier. I'm happy to report that every room in the house had been rented out. I made a point of ensuring Rhett's room was rented out. At least that would stop me from checking it every morning like a desperate stalker. I placed the overseer in the old nursery; a permanent resident living there made the house seem less dead.

Pleasant surprises: 1. Surprisingly, I have not been completely rejected by Atlanta society, likely because relatives of some society members inhabit a few rooms, I imagine courtesy of the Wilkeses efforts or something like that.

On a questionable note, guilt and relief that I am not social pariah have pushed me to fulfill my promise to Mellie. I've decided to call on the Wilkeses after I am settled in, although I don't know what I can do. I can barely take care of myself, and any time I hear the word "Ashley" now, I feel nervous. Nervous and shitty. Blegh.

- nervous and shitty Scarlett

300 days.

More promises made I'm not sure I'll fulfill: 1

I found myself staring across the table from Ashley again.

I had hoped that living in Paris for so long would teach me joie de vivre again or how to forget. It taught me neither. Guess I'm destined to misery, which may be fitting considering the past.

I had been here before. Many times.

He had lost weight. His face had thinned. And it pissed me off. Beau was crying in a corner. It was giving me a headache. I wished he could have taken care of himself and Beau. And not to be a bitch, but the house smelled stale... Just another way to remind us Mellie was gone. This is not what Mellie would have wanted.

I sank in the chair realizing how dependent he was. He's the Southern gentleman that needs someone to take care of him, whether it be a mother, wife, lover, or sister. Sitting before me was the real Ashley Wilkes. I couldn't believe I wanted to be with a dependent man.

My "with-Ashley life" flashed before me, and I was saddled down not only with more needy-ass children but him. Who had I been kidding? I don't want to even take care of my own children... but I suppose all this happened before I realized that.

Just another thing I can appreciate about Rhett now: at least he took care of himself and could afford to pay others to raise our children.

Shittily, I played scenarios in my head. What would happen if I abandoned my promise to Mellie?

To extricate myself from this mess, I had a few options:

1) Set Ashley up with a girl friend... which leads to problem #2: I have no girl friends besides Mammy. So, I would need to make more friends before this was plausible.

2) Abandon Ashley. and Beau. I'm not sure if Ashley would make do or if he'd starve to death. I couldn't imagine Ashley killing himself, but I think about Beau. I think of Beau because of Mellie... which leads to option 3.

3) Abandon Ashley. Pay for Beau's boarding school.

I couldn't imagine more scenarios.

As much as #2 is preferred and the easiest, I knew I couldn't do it, not only out of respect for Mellie, but for our past. The Wilkeses, my parents, everyone. We had been through too much. In economics, they call this sunk cost. As helpless as Ashley had become, he was a remnant of our past. I grew up walking to Twelve Oaks. As much as I wish it had been him and not Mellie that died, he's who we have left. Sigh.

I was somewhat surprised he didn't hold my disappearance against me. I suppose Mellie's death had shattered him too much to have him bothered by much else. I found myself being more inclined to be kinder towards Beau than I am to my own children-for Mellie's sake... Plus, he had dirt on his face. Wtf. I felt pity for Beau. Had no one had noticed or wiped that shit off? I tossed him an R.B. hankie.

Then, Ashley asked me to be more present in Beau's life, and without thinking, I agreed !

Believe me, it wasn't the kind of selfless "no-thought-answer." It was the "wait, wtf did I just say?" kind. Then, he said the 1 thing I didn't want to hear: "Mellie would've wanted it. I'm afraid I'm not a very good father, Scarlett."

I snarled. Biotch used the M-card. Sneaky.

My eyes narrow recalling the instance.

...

In less frustrating news, I discovered through Ashley that society figured that Rhett and I had both uprooted and either moved or taken time off from Atlanta due to Bonnie's and Mellie's deaths. That was convenient, but whether they assumed we took off separately or together is unclear. I left heavy-footed, trying to figure out how to deal with the situation and what kind of farce to present to society. It wasn't too late to run and go with the "I've left forever" story.

- Scarlett

Author Note: I am attempting to gauge viewer interest in the series to assess further continuation. If you are enjoying it, reviews would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and the guest reviews thus far, and I hope you've had a few laughs.