Wilting Roses
Chapter Ten: What It All Means
The brunette haired girl strolled through the art museum, observing everything with her eyes, eyes as wide as saucers and full of innocence. But from all the art, only two pieces stuck out to her. One was a Greek sculpture. Perfectly sculpted brows, chiseled chin, coiffed hair, and a body that just begged to have fingers run over. And the other was a portrait in the style of cubism. It was a mess of scribbled lines and face contorted in shock. One half was pleasant looking, smiling even, other half in pain, confused.
The brunette wavered between both pieces, running her fingers down the statue and watching as white flaked off on her fingers and cracks arose following the trail of her finger tips. Black ooze began to seep out and chunk by chunk the art work descended into pieces. It's perfection had been masking ugliness inside. So she approached the painting and stood there looking at it, tapping her chin thoughtfully. Another woman approached her, short haired and bright, glowing in the white room.
"It's not perfect because it's not complete yet." She held out a brush. "Why don't you finish it?"
And the brunette picked up the brush and got to work.
"So, what does it all mean?" I ask once I finish recounting the past events with Alice. The pixie had remained silent the whole time, though she did squirm in her seat impatiently, lips shut tight and looking like it was killing her to not give her input until I had finished.
When she sees I'm done she lets out a huge gust of air and her words rush out. "Omg Rosalie, I think Bella likes you!"
"Alice, you thought that about Edward and look how that ended up."
"That's only because you lied to me about it, but now you've told me the truth and all the facts of her actions make sense! She must like you! The paying for the meal, the resting of her head on your shoulder, the touching under the table, and the kiss on the cheek. If it was only a fake date, she wouldn't have done those touches. But she did. Which must mean something."
"I don't know." I fiddled with my seat belt, drawing it across my chest. It makes me feel more grounded, more secure for Alice is feeding my hope and if she doesn't stop I'll get so light that I'll float away. "I don't want you to give me false hope."
"Fair enough," Alice raises both her hands. "But I'm just saying, keep your eyes and ears peeled. In the meantime, I'm going to try to get her to crack on how she feels about you."
"You're not very subtle, so I'd rather you not."
Alice pouts. "Come on, I'll be super stealthy this time." She moves her hands and head in the imitation of a ninja, whacking her head on the car door when she moves too fast. "Shoot," she grumbles, rubbing the side and I would have laughed if my previous concerns hadn't come flooding back.
"Does anyone else know?"
"About your crush? No, I haven't told anyone. I'm still kind of...processing it...myself," she adds sheepishly and I give her a look full of fear and panic.
"I'm not disgusted by it, or going to stop being friends with you," she says hastily, coloring a little in her cheeks. "It's just, I thought of you as straight for so long, and to have that whole image shatter now..."
"My whole image shatter?" I can feel my fear dissolve into something redder. "Just because I have a crush on Bella doesn't make me gay. I've never liked any other girl before and I've gone on dates with plenty of guys. The men in Forks just aren't anything special."
"And she is?" Alice voices softly.
"She is," I say sternly. "And just because I like her doesn't change the fact that I'm still me. I can still like the same clothes, the same music, the same food. And I'll still act the same way as before."
"Of course!" Alice sputters out in the dark of the car. We've been here for a while now and it's getting pretty late. "You're still Rosalie. I just didn't know how to...I mean...I didn't know if you wanted to be treated differently or something now."
"God, Alice. Don't be stupid," I scoff. "Just because I like a girl now, doesn't mean I'm going to wear flannel and drink beers. I want you to treat me like normal."
"Okay," Alice says quietly, and she's fiddling with her hands. I must have hurt her feelings and I didn't mean to. I was just still overcome by my new feelings and I had taken out my frustrations on her.
"Sorry," I sigh and squeeze the wheel with one hand. The leather creaks under my touch and it feels nice to hear the sound. "I'm just new to all this and I'm so confused sometimes. Half the time I hate this, and the other half I love it."
Alice's warm hand lands on my thigh and she squeezes, a lopsided smile on her face. "As long as you don't start gaining feelings for me, than we're all good."
I know she's teasing and I huff in fake annoyance. "That's not how being gay works." As soon as I say that three letter word, I feel a sense of belonging hit me. Have I always been gay, perhaps? Stuck in the belief I was hetero-normative because of what society had told me, and it took me Bella to see that it wasn't who I was?
"I know. And if you want to talk to me about it, I'm there. I'll be trying hard to understand and to hook up you and Bella together. I don't mind who you love. I'm just happy you love someone, because such an emotion is pure and powerful and you haven't been in love with anyone ever."
I want to say this love has only caused me pain so far, but perhaps it was because I had been going about it the wrong way? "Thanks, I appreciate the support. But I don't want your help Alice. I want to do this on my own. I need to do this on my own." I wasn't going to pull an Edward and force my feelings onto Bella. Speaking of him, I still had to talk to him about this whole situation. We weren't finished on the topic.
It looks like a death sentence on Alice for her not to be able to get involved in my love life; it's been her dream project to get me on dates. "You can help me be romantic to her when I'm picking out dates to go on with her," I give her a concession and she brightens up.
"You are going to sweep her off of her feet so hard with my help that she'll never land," Alice cheers, clapping her hands as plans fill her mind.
"I sure hope so," I murmur as Alice hops out my car and heads to hers. It's time for us to head home and I finally turn the key in the ignition, feeling less drunk on love than before and more level headed.
I finally manage to track Eddy down on Monday three days after the date. He doesn't look happy at my appearance and even less happy to ask about my Friday, though he does it out of courtesy.
"It was good. Bella and I just hung out around town for a little bit."
He looks to be bursting with questions on that but keeps them back. "So, this situation between us..."
"We let Bella decide. We can offer events that she can hang out with us on, but we cannot force her to go to them if she doesn't want to. We are to both treat her like a human being and not a possession." I almost feel like I am lecturing him and I hate that, but its imperative that he knows the rules of this.
Before more can be said, Bella shows up by our lockers, wide smile on her face, that only gets wider at seeing me. My cheek tingles and Alice's words on how Bella might actually like me run through my head. Nope, I can't let Alice make me project false assumptions onto Bella. I would figure it out myself if she liked me or not.
"Hello, Bella." Edward greets and I can still see the pain and shame of the rejection of their date on his face. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry if you felt like I had forced you onto a date. That wasn't my intention."
"That's okay. I'm sure you didn't mean to be pushy. Let's just stay friends, okay?"
Wow, talk about smoothly friend-zoning a guy in the same breath as telling him everything was okay and forgiven.
Edward's eye does a little twitch and I almost feel bad for him before I realize he is after all my rival in love. But then I feel bad again when I think about how this could be the way she rejects me too.
"Yea, friends. I can do that." The ringing of the bell saves him and he hurries off to class. I am about to follow him but Bella snags onto my wrist gently, her warm touch making a shiver crawl down my spine.
"Hey, I um, wanted to ask you if you had any plans after school today?"
"No, I don't." I am confused by her question.
"That's great! I was wondering if you wanted to check out this new ice cream parlor that just opened up."
My mouth goes dry. Oh, she's asking me out. But just to be sure, "should I get Alice to come too? She's a huge ice cream fanatic."
Something in Bella's hopeful brown gaze goes dark and she bites on her bottom lip. "Sure. I mean if you want. I thought the two of us would be fine."
"Uh, no, it is fine. I'll text you after school about it, okay?" And then I pull myself away from her, my cheek burning where she had last kissed me. I need to text Alice and confer with her on this, on Bella asking me out on a date.
Alice sounds more excited than me about this date, and she quickly begins to list tips and tricks on how to make the night more exciting. I, however, don't need anymore excitement because my heart is already pounding away in my chest and my hands are clammy.
"Don't be nervous," Alice adds before winking and flitting away when Bella nears me in the parking lot.
Gee, thanks. Don't be nervous. Right. I sigh sarcastically in my head and lean against my car, trying to effect an unaffected demeanor.
"Ready to go?" I ask, jiggling my keys in my hand.
"Yup," she slides into the passenger seat of my car and it was only mere weeks ago that she sat here, and was talking about dresses to buy for Alice's party. Back then I could barely talk to her coherently, my ability to string together sentences cohesively failing spectacularly. Now, it was a bit easier but I would be lying if I said I didn't feel my nerves kicking in. It was going to be the two of us, again. I wonder if she would brush her leg against mine once more. If she would kiss me once more...
I shook my head to clear my thoughts so I could focus better on following Bella's instructions on how to get to the new ice cream joint. The ride was only five minutes and soon we were seated, debating over ice cream flavors.
"What's your favorite flavor?" I asked as we perused the menu.
"What kind of flavor do you think I like?" she raised her brow.
I shrugged. "Vanilla?" That was always a safe choice. Almost everyone in the world ate vanilla ice cream because it was such a basic flavor.
Bella let out a small laugh and my insides glowed at her reaction. I was making her laugh! That was always a good sign. "Vanilla, really?"
"What, what's wrong with vanilla?"
"It's such a boring flavor. Do you take me for a boring person, Rosalie?"
"No, not at all. I just don't know your tastes very well." Was this...was this flirting? No, it couldn't be, right? Maybe I was reading the signs wrong but Bella's lilting voice, her way of leaning forward, and her coy smile, made it seem like she was. I had never been the recipient of a woman's affections, however, I often employed the same tactics when trying to get something from a guy.
But why would she be flirting with me?
"Well, my tastes are very specific. I like chocolate, and rocky road," she began to point at the flavors on the menu and I followed her slender fingers journey. "I also like honeydew melon and caramel swirl. But my favorite flavor by far is cherry."
My throat suddenly felt dry and I swallowed hard. "Uh, cherry's not on the menu."
Bella maintained her direct gaze on me, and I felt hot under it, like I was suddenly standing in the middle of a desert and not an ice cream shop. "Not yet," she said softly but with promise and I desperately needed to go hide because my face was flushing like crazy. "Uh, order something for me, I gotta go, uh, pee."
I speed walked over to the bathroom, barely noticing Bella's frown at my departure. "But I don't know what flavors you fancy," she called out to my back.
"Surprise me!" I shouted back as I jerked the bathroom door open and locked myself in. There I promptly sank to the floor, bathroom floor germs be damned. I needed a moment to myself to try and compute everything that had just happened. Bella had definitely been flirting with me, even coming onto me directly ( it made me blush to think she could insinuate such naughty things) and I had run away like a coward. What was wrong with me? It had only been a few weeks ago that I had talked myself into confessing to her, and now I had lost my nerve and couldn't even handle a conversation with her? I pulled out my phone, needing some additional courage from Alice. It took me a while to find the right way to frame the details of what had happened.
Alice shot back a text almost immediately and I had a sneaking suspicion she was paying her phone extra attention just so she could interfere with my love life. I wouldn't be surprised if she was spying on us right now. OMG she's totally flirting with u! U need to flirt back! ASAP!
U sure?
Def!
...
Listen, just trust me on this. She's totes coming onto u.
But y would she?
Maybe she likes you back? U won't find out unless u try! What r u scared of?
I sighed and tapped my head against the locked door. Alice was right. This being scared wasn't like me, and I was tired of it. I was tired of being a mess because of my feelings. I got up and looked myself in the mirror. Striking brown almost golden hazel eyes stared back from under perfectly arched brows. Blonde locks in perfect waves fell around my face and down my shoulders. High cheekbones, a strong nose, and full red lips gave me my model like features. I looked hella fine, and I was super smart (all A's in my classes) plus I had money and a promising future awaiting me. I had no reason not to be confident.
I pointed at the reflection, and pushing away the slightly silly feeling at doing this, I said. "You are Rosalie Lillian Hale, and you are a fucking boss. Time to act like it."
Bella's timid knock came at the door. "Rosalie? I got you your ice cream. Hurry up and come out before it melts."
Giving myself one more once over in the mirror, I smiled and spinning around on my heel, I left.
Bella jumped in surprise at the violent way I opened the door. "What did you get me?"
"I got you vanilla caramel."
"Ah, calling me a boring person now?"
"Hey, I got you caramel with it," she defended playfully.
I slid into a booth she had picked for us, taking a spoon to the bowl that was there. She sat in front of me. "And what does the caramel stand for?"
"Reading into ice cream meanings now? What is this? Fortune telling?"
"Delicious fortune telling," I corrected, taking great care to lick my spoonful in what could best be described as sexually but not overtly so. Alice thought Bella liked me, but Alice thought that of anything or anyone who showed me a modicum of interest. Case in point, a guy who bought me a drink at the store. He was just being nice because it was a hot day and I didn't have any cash on me and the store wasn't accepting credit. Therefore, I had to check the validity of Alice's statement my own way. And what better way than to eat ice cream seductively.
"Right," Bella said softly, eyes following the motions of my tongue closely, spoon forgotten in her hand.
I pretended not to notice this, even as my heart rate speed up. It was almost enough to make me lose the new cool and confidence I had put on. "Are you not going to eat your ice cream?" I asked nonchalantly.
"Oh, yea, I am!" Bella looked down as if realizing where she was and what she was doing. Blushing, she dug into her food.
Holy shit, maybe Bella is interested in me after all. It would explain why she rejected Eddy so many times. I was feeling hope bubble up in my stomach and it was enough to make a smile come to my lips. And to embolden me. I brushed my leg against hers and kept it there the whole time. She didn't move her leg away but looked up from beneath the fringes of her hair with a knowing look.
I also pretended not to notice that, and instead decided to carry out a conversation with her.
That wasn't the last time we hung out. In fact, we began to hang out more often, just the two of us.
I made sure to keep Alice updated. My texts and stories to her were like crack and I was worried what would happen if I ever ran out of things to report.
But despite hanging out with each other at typical teenager hang out spots, neither of us called it a date. Not until the upcoming Saturday.
"Let's go on a date," Bella suggested Friday after class in the loud bustle of the hallway as students cleared out.
"A date?" I slammed my locker closed, the digits on my lock whirling like my mind.
"It can be a fake date like last time. I just don't want to hang out with Edward again."
"Oh." For a second I had thought it was going to be a real date. But no, she only wanted rescuing from Edward. Again. Not that I really minded. I was glad she'd blown him off for me, but I just wished we could go out together because she wanted us to and not needed it for a cover. If she didn't ask me out soon, than I would. Eventually.
My brief confidence from before had it's moments. Sometimes it would come out strong and proud and I was the same old ice queen as before. And then other moments I was meek and a stuttering blushing fool. I had to work on getting back to my old self, but for now, I guess this would have to do. So, until I was in my more red tie moods, I wouldn't be asking her out, only taking her generous handouts.
"Okay, so where do you want to go?"
"Movies?" she suggested, shrugging. "It worked well last time."
"Sure." I don't have any other better ideas. Not much you can really do in a small town like Forks. "I'll pick you up?"
"Great!" Bella smiles and hurries away and I smile too because at the very least I will be able to spend time with her and keep Edward away from her for longer.
I'm so absorbed in thinking about our future date and on watching her leave that Edward's voice from behind me surprises me.
"She's dumping me for you, again." Dejection is clear in the lines of his face and his voice is soft, defeated. He leans on the locker next to mine.
I won't apologize because we both know that this is a battle and to the victor go the spoils, though Bella is no one's treasure to claim because she is not property in the way Edward thinks she needs to be won over. "She is."
I won't say more on this and he senses it for he sighs heavily and watches with anguished eyes as she walks out the school doors. It suddenly strikes me that perhaps he is just as in love with her as I am. I don't know what to make of that fact. Bella is a very lovable person so it's not surprising, I just wish that it wasn't Edward who also loved her, because despite how much of an ass he can be, he is still my friend and it hurts me to see him hurt like I once was.
I place a reassuring hand on his shoulder and squeeze before leaving wordlessly. Loving someone can be hard.
I try to keep Edward's pain out of my mind for the date on Saturday. I shouldn't feel bad about this. If Bella wants to spend time with me and not him then it's not my fault. It's her choice to make. Yet I do. It prompts me to speak with her about this topic after we come out the movie theater. We're siting at a diner eating, her leg rubbing against mine. It stills at my words.
"Bella, I know you don't like Eddy, and that's fine. You don't have to like him romantically- it's your life. But he's also my friend...and it sucks to see him looking so despondent."
She blinks at me. "I'm not trying to hurt him. But if I don't make it clear to him I'm not interested than how will he ever get the message? If I hang out with him, it'll just lead him on. And I think that's worse. Giving false hope about feelings is just cruel."
I nod my head. She's right. But I'm also right. "Still, it wouldn't hurt to be his friend. If the three of us hang out, would that be fine? It doesn't have to be often, just enough times to help him deal with his heartbreak."
She nods her head.
"He likes you a lot," I add, not knowing why I added all that.
"And who do you like?" her question catches me off guard and I nearly choke on my fry, hurriedly gulping down some water. She moves to help but I wave her away. "I'm fine," I say in a hoarse voice.
She arches her brow, still expectant of an answer.
"Myself. I like myself a lot," I say in false arrogance, tossing my hair for good measure.
"Sure," Bella grins and begins to rub her leg up and down mine again.
"And who do you like," I toss right back at her.
"Une femme avec le soleil dans les cheveux, des roses à son nom, et mon amour sur les lèvres," Bella says and I let my mouth gape open in surprise.
"Did you just go french on my ass?"
She smirks, failing to hide her amusement. "I did indeed."
I huff. "That is not fair. How am I supposed to know what you said?"
"Because maybe you aren't supposed to know. Not yet, at least." Her words are cryptic and do nothing to soothe my curiosity.
"Where did you even learn French?"
"At my old high school. I took it there and in my middle school. Five years in total, though I am getting a bit rusty."
"Nonsense. It sounds amazing. All I know is a handful of Spanish phrases, like de donde es mi automobile?"
She laughs at that. "Your accent is terrible!"
"It is not! It's totally passable!"
We argue back and forth on this topic until our food is done and before we know it's five and time to go back home.
"Thanks, I had fun today with you," Bella says as we stand in front of the store. We're going to go our separate ways. She's still got some grocery shopping to do and I've got homework to start.
"So did I." We look at each other, getting lost in each other's gaze. There's something different in her eyes today and I can't tell what. Something like hunger? I used to be good at reading people-that's what let me talk my way out of situations easily, or to get to the top of the school hierarchy. But with Bella, I could never tell. She was an enigma. I could only guess what thoughts lay beyond her honey brown eyes.
The silence stretched on until Bella finally broke it.
"Every date needs to be concluded with a kiss," she reminded me, hands latching onto my sleeves as she leaned in. I stuck out my cheek obediently so she could kiss it. But she took me by surprise and bypassed it, going right for the lips.
It was only the briefest of touches but it was enough to ignite an electrical storm in me. I could feel every nerve ending in my body come alive, screaming in joy, and demanding more. But my mind was too overwhelmed by the kiss; too overheated and all I could do was watch as Bella licked her lips and smiling to herself proudly, left. "See you at school Rosalie."
"Uh, yea, sure." Trying desperately to act cool and like this wasn't a big deal, I turned on my heel and promptly walked into a lamp post.
Definitely not my finest moment.
Later that night as I lay in bed, icing my sore nose, Bella sent me a text message.
U wanted to know what I said in French earlier when you asked me who I like. This is who I like:
A woman with sun in her hair, roses to her name, and my love on her lips.
I stare at the message for a long time and trace my lips with my index finger as a warmth fills my whole body from head to toe.
It's official.
Bella likes me.
A/N: Cherries are often associated with a lady's parts, so, you can guess just what exactly Bella wants to eat. It's not ice cream at all.
Also a quick thank you for all the support on this fic. I know the updating schedule is not the best so thanks for those of you who have stuck around.