Here we are, and here we go.
Beta: College Fool
Cover Art: Kegi Springfield
Chapter 29 – Studding
Weiss stapled a smile to her face and tried her hardest not to scream.
"So, how did you meet my sister?"
"Oh, it was before initiation," Jaune said, his head leaning back as though in thought. "She was talking to someone and I was lost looking for my locker. I guess you could say we just bumped into one another."
This could not be happening. It was a disaster, an unmitigated disaster. The three of them were sat on a small, ornate chair and table in one of the more secluded areas of Beacon, a dining facility set aside solely for visiting dignitaries and guests. The food was better than what was served in the cafeteria, and they were sat under a shaded veranda on a patio by the gardens. The sun was shining, the breeze pleasant, and her sister was busy interrogating her apparent boyfriend.
The day couldn't get any worse.
Theoretically, at least.
She had a feeling Jaune would beat the odds. He usually did.
"And your relationship started from there?"
"I'd say no to that. We kind of didn't get on at first. I almost knocked her over, and she wasn't exactly pleased about it."
"That certainly sounds like my sister. What happened afterwards?"
"Well, we didn't exactly talk again, but we ended up being paired together in initiation." Jaune shrugged awkwardly. "I guess we just sort of came together after that. It was all fairly sudden."
Weiss' eye twitched. Yes, that was a fairly accurate summation. The relationship had been very sudden, as in all of twenty minutes ago and without so much as a single flirtation between them. She dabbed her lips with her napkin and decided to cut in before Jaune could somehow muck it up.
"It's a new relationship," she said. "We've not been together long, but that was why we were out having dinner."
"It was our first real date," Jaune confirmed.
"I see…" Winter regarded him curiously, but not with any real disdain. Whether that meant Winter approved or was simply forming her own judgments internally, there was no telling. Her sister could be subtle like that. "Tell me a little about yourself then, Jaune. I'd like to get to know my sister's paramour a little more closely."
Okay, not good – not good at all. Weiss shifted closer to him and laughed nervously. "Winter, isn't it a little too soon for that kind of thing? Jaune and I have only been dating for-"
"I have to make sure he's good enough for you, Weiss. As your older sister, it's my responsibility." Winter's smile was all teeth. "Please Jaune, go on..."
"Uh well, my name is Jaune Arc and I'm from a large family. I'm a huntsman-in-training, and a part of Team WJRP serving under Weiss." He kept the details light, and Weiss nodded happily. At least he wasn't being a complete idiot. Actually, he was doing fairly well, and he knew his manners. His napkin was on his lap, elbows off the table, and he ate like a gentleman. In that, she knew Winter would be pleased. "My dream is to bring peace to Remnant and stop all the pointless fighting that goes on."
"You wish to unite the Kingdoms?" Winter asked. She regarded him with a shrewd eye. "That is either an ambitious dream or a foolish one. Most would call it impossible."
Uh-oh, he was failing! Weiss panicked and tried to stomp on his foot beneath the table. She hit, but he barely noticed. Curse his ridiculous aura reserves!
"Impossible is a word used by people to describe something that hasn't been accomplished yet, or at least that's what my Uncle says. If you go back a hundred years, people would have called human flight impossible, or communicating over great distances via a piece of metal. Now we have bullheads and scrolls, not to mention affordable dust made available to everyone." He nodded to Winter at the last, with implicit praise for their family that left Weiss' mouth hanging open.
Was he… was Jaune…? He was! He was actually sounding good. He was actually leading Winter on. What the hell!? Where was the idiotic buffoon she was used to? No wait, she couldn't jinx it. Stay away, buffoon Jaune!
Winter accepted the kind words with a nod. "That is true. So then, you believe you'll be capable of such a feat?"
"I'm not sure, but if no one tries, then it won't ever happen." Jaune shrugged one shoulder. "It's a huntsman's duty to protect people, so I'll do it this way. If I fail, it won't be because I didn't try my hardest."
"Interesting…" Winter leaned back in her seat and placed her cutlery down. She touched her mouth gently with her napkin, then folded it beside her plate. "I'm not sure whether you are being naïve or not about this."
"I don't think I am. My father always says that being naïve means you're not aware of the odds, or expect people to act against their best interests. I don't think this will be easy, but he also says that nothing worth having in life is easily achieved." Jaune blinked. "He always says that about Mom."
"I would have to agree with his assessment, and that is a sweet sentiment." Winter chuckled to herself. "Tell me then, do you consider my sister to be the same?"
Jaune looked her way and nodded. "Of course I do."
It was ridiculous, since she knew it was faked, and that he was lying for her benefit, but her cheeks still heated up as blood rushed to them. Winter noticed and smiled, while Weiss berated herself inside. He's lying, of course, or at least playing it up. Why am I getting so embarrassed by this?
"And you, Weiss?"
She looked up. "W-What?"
"Do you feel the same about your partner?"
"Y-Yes, of course," she lied. Her heart hammered in her chest, and it only got worse when he looked her way. What did he want her to say? She didn't have a choice! She hid her snarl behind a huge smile, and gripped his hand in hers. Her nails dug into his skin. "We're in agreement on this."
Kill me. Someone kill me right now.
"What about your family, Jaune?" Winter asked. "You've mentioned your father before. Do they know about this?"
"They don't know the specifics," he said. "I think, well, I know that Mom would approve, but that's not why we're together and she doesn't need to know."
"What do your parents do for a living?"
"Dad's a huntsman. My mother… well…"
"His mother is the CEO of a real estate company," Weiss interrupted, eager to draw the conversation away from them, and make him sound better. The faster Winter approved, the faster this nightmare would end. "In fact, she controls a lot of land out in the frontier, but Jaune says she has plans to expand into the four Kingdoms."
"Is that so?"
"Well yeah, kind of." Jaune nodded awkwardly. "That's definitely her long term plan…"
"Merger and acquisition…?"
"More like hostile takeover."
"Interesting. She sounds like an ambitious woman."
He winced, "Very."
"Ambition is important," Winter said. Her fingers tapped on the table before her. "It can also be quite dangerous. Weiss has ambitions of her own as I recall, including that she desires to reform the SDC into something different from what it is now." She watched Jaune cautiously. "What would your mother think of that?"
Weiss' eyes widened. Winter thought Jaune was coming onto her for business connections, probably at the behest of his mother. Her sister thought their relationship was a power play. This was bad. She bit her lip and wondered what she could do to bite that idea in the bud.
"I don't think it would matter what she thinks," Jaune answered. "Mom can do what she wants, but Weiss is the heiress to the SDC, not her. If Weiss wants to change how it works, I'd help her."
Winter's eyes narrowed. "Just like that? Why?"
"Because that's what partners do. Weiss has tried her hardest to help our team, to the point that she's been putting in work to help Ruby, who came in two years ahead and didn't know all the material." He paused and smiled at her, and Weiss looked away in embarrassment. I-it was true, but why did he have to say it like that? "She's been an amazing leader to us, so it's only right that we'd try to help her in turn." He grinned. "I imagine Ruby and Pyrrha would come along, too."
There was no response from her sister. Winter looked shocked, but not in a bad way.
Yes, perfect! He'd dodged the problem without hesitation, and knowing Jaune, without even meaning to. This was perfect. He was doing great. She couldn't believe her luck.
"That's how it is, Winter," Weiss said, a hint of pride in her voice. "That's just the kind of person Jaune is."
And in that, she was being honest, both in her assessment, and with the compliment.
"It is a fine answer," Winter said, both surprised and a little bemused. "I'll admit that I didn't assume you would be so polite when we first met, Jaune Arc. You've surprised me."
And he'd surprised Weiss, too. Jaune hadn't ever been the most socially aware of people. In fact, he was more like Ruby, and that was saying something, but he was doing well with Winter, and actually managed to not mess anything up for once. Weiss smiled and took a drink of water, finally feeling a little confident about the situation.
Things were finally starting to look up!
"I do have to ask, however. Are you serious about my sister? I wouldn't want this to be something casual that leaves her hurt. What are your intentions with her?"
"Um, well I intend to marry her, of course."
Weiss choked and gasped, spilling water from her mouth and all over the front of her dress. She stared at him, eyes wide. Nothing came to her mind, and it was all she could do to bubble and dribble her drink from her lips.
What the hell was he doing!?
"M-Marriage?" Winter asked, clearly as shocked as she was. "I… that is… so soon…?"
"What other intent would I have?" Jaune asked. "We're dating, but if all goes well then sure, I'd love to marry Weiss. If she'd have me, that is."
"W-Well, I must admit I'm surprised. I think it might be a little too soon for that. Weiss hasn't even so much as spoken to father an-"
"Why would she need his approval? Weiss can make her own decisions in life, can't she?"
Winter eyed him warily, then looked to Weiss and looked even more concerned. It didn't take her long to realise why. Winter thought Jaune was showing his support for her in saying she could break away from her father's control. Whether he'd meant to or not, he'd hit straight on one of her biggest problems and explicitly said he was on her side.
That… that lucky idiot. It hardly helped that her cheeks tinted, and she actually did feel a little pleased at his words. Yes, she could make her own decisions. She wasn't beholden to her father's demands.
Why did it make her happy to hear him say that?
"Well," Winter said carefully. "I see this is deeper than I first imagined. I suppose congratulations are in order, Weiss – and for yourself as well, Jaune."
"Thanks, Miss Schnee. I'll do my best to earn Weiss' feelings."
Weiss had yet to get breathing under control. She slapped a hand against her chest, gasping for breath as her mind and body shut down. What was that idiot doing? She tried to reach him, either to slap her hand over his mouth or throttle him, she wasn't sure which. To her horror, he noticed.
Noticed and completely misinterpreted.
He smiled and took her hand, holding it in his and placed them both above the table. He was lucky she was still dying, or she'd have used the other to run him through with a butter knife. Where was Myrtenaster when she needed it?
"Weiss, you are okay with this?" Winter asked. "Do you feel the same way?"
What was she supposed to say? If she said no, their charade would fall apart. That or it would become even more complicated. Plus, this would make sure Winter was distracted with something other than the White Fang, which was their only hope of avoiding getting in trouble. This was fine. All they needed to do was pretend they were in love now, and they could "break up" later. She smiled past her horror and leaned her head against his shoulder.
"Yes. Yes, I do."
/-/
"Wait, so now the two of you are dating?"
"Allegedly," Weiss corrected, head in her hands and now facing the combined might of Teams WJRP and RYBN. "It's not real, but we didn't have a choice. My sister is here to investigate the group that aided the White Fang. She's here with the Atlas Military, working alongside the Vale Police Department. We cannot be caught by them!"
"Wouldn't they go easy on us because you're her sister?" Ruby asked. "We could just tell them the truth, and that we were trying to sneak into the White Fang to stop them."
"Uh, we still attacked the police, Rubes," Yang pointed out. "Truth or not, I kinda dropped a building on them."
"It would be an absolute scandal," Weiss added, laying back on her bed with a long sigh. "Even if Winter and the police let us go, we'd be in a whole heap of trouble with Beacon. We might get suspended, even expelled."
"T-That bad?" Ruby asked.
Ren nodded, "Whether or not we intended to help, we did interfere with a police operation, and we publically aided terrorists. No one would be on our side. Vigilantes, teenagers overstepping our bounds, idealistic but dangerous idiots… take your pick, but either way, we'd be in real trouble. And then there's Blake's past," he added. "If that was found out, she would be arrested."
"And if they tried, I'd squash them like bugs," Nora said. "Which would get me in trouble too, so let's not let them find out, eh?"
"That's why I had to come up with an excuse," Weiss explained. "I didn't have any time to think, and with my sister breathing down my neck, I came up with the first thing I could think of. It was the only way I could think to explain what she'd overheard."
"About how you pretended to be his girlfriend at the White Fang rally," Pyrrha said. "I understand. It makes sense."
Weiss sighed, thankful that at least one person did. "This is just something we'll have to do for however long Winter is here. Once she leaves, Jaune and I can break up on good terms."
"Why can't you break up now?" Ruby asked.
"Because it would be suspicious, Ruby. Even if Winter believed it, she might then put effort into repairing our relationship, and that would keep her attention on us even longer."
"I guess…"
Weiss winced, more than aware that Ruby didn't like the idea of this. She had a crush on him, after all, as much as she constantly denied it. Then there was Yang, who was the only one actually dating him, though she seemed to deny it too for some reason. Those two were kind of strange like that. Honestly, the whole thing was strange, and the last thing she wanted was to get stuck in the middle of it. Get stuck she had, however. Just her rotten luck.
"Look," she said. "I know you're probably all angry, but-"
"I'm not angry," Yang said with a shrug. "I'm fine with it."
"No problems here," Pyrrha nodded.
"I can't complain," Ren nodded, while Blake shrugged, barely involved in the conversation at all now that the White Fang wasn't the main focus.
"I think it's cute," Nora added. "Can I be a bridesmaid?"
"There's no actual wedding, Nora."
"A hypothetical bridesmaid."
Weiss sighed, "Sure, fine. Whatever. You're all taking this better than I expected. I thought you'd be upset. I thought there would be violence and screaming."
"Why would there be?" Ruby asked. "It's fake, right?"
"Of course."
"Then there's nothing wrong."
Weiss let out a sigh of relief. Maybe she'd gotten worried for nothing, but a part of her really had expected the two to freak out. Yet again, Ruby had surprised her, and this time for the better. Panic attack over, she allowed herself to relax.
"Aren't you going to ask if I'm okay with this?" Jaune asked.
She shot him a furious glare. "No. Not at all. This is your fault!"
"How is this my fault!?"
"You told Winter you wanted to marry me," she howled. "Who just up and says that!?"
"She asked me what my intentions were for you! What's the right answer to that? I couldn't say I intended to dump you in a week's time."
"He has a point there," Pyrrha said. "His options were limited. Honestly, I'm surprised he did well enough to convince someone like your sister at all. No offence Jaune, but you're not normally so eloquent."
"None taken," he said. "Actually, my Mom and Big Sis kind of drilled into my head how to act and speak in official situations. I just sort of used that, and treated her like someone important I had to impress. I think they expected that I'd have to do official meetings at some point, or at least impress people in a dinner meeting."
"It didn't go so bad…" Weiss allowed. She'd admit to having been a little impressed herself. It was like a complete reversal on how he normally was, and he'd completely fooled Winter. Still, that didn't do much for her mood. "But you shouldn't have said we were going to get married! That's way too far a jump from what we're pretending to be!"
"How is it? You said we went on dates. You said we were in love!"
"What does that have to do with anything!?"
"Well, people who go on dates and are in love get married," Jaune said, with a kind of infallible logic that only a child or an idiot would see as such. "Wouldn't it have been more suspicious if we were dating and we didn't intend to get married? What's the point in that case?"
That… well, technically but…
"Yeah, Weiss-cream," Yang snickered. "Don't be a harlot."
"Need I remind you that you are the only person to actually date Jaune?" Weiss sniped. "Should we expect the wedding bells anytime soon?"
Yang froze, "Erk!"
"I wouldn't mind if Jaune and Yang got ma-" Ruby didn't to finish as a pillow struck her in a two-handed swing, propelling her from the bed she was sat on and sending her crashing to the floor. She groaned but didn't come back up.
"Ha ha, whoops, Rubes. I guess you slipped," Yang said, laughing nervously and ignoring the pillow in her hands. "You're so clumsy. A-Anyway, it's not like dating and marriage are even slightly related, and just because you go out with someone doesn't mean you have to marry them."
Jaune cocked his head. "It doesn't? But all the books I read had people marry the first person they fell in love with."
"And how did they normally fall in love?" Ren asked.
"Well, one would slay a dragon, or they'd meet on an epic quest to save the world, or the knight would rescue the princess…"
Weiss felt a bead of sweat run down her forehead. Seriously, was he taking all of his knowledge of romance from fictional literature? That might explain some of his more… antiquated beliefs. She looked to Ren to see if he would explain, but the young man simply raised an eyebrow and shook his head.
Yang crossed her arms and looked away. Pyrrha was already staring at the ceiling, and Ruby was groaning about some truck running her over.
"You might as well be the one to explain it," Blake said, turning a page in her book. "You are his girlfriend, after all."
"Not officially!"
"Well, that depends on how long your sister is here, doesn't it?"
Weiss' face twitched. Damn her… she was right. So long as Winter was here, she was stuck in this façade. In that case, it probably would be for the best if she took her partner aside and drilled him on what was expected. He couldn't keep saying things like that out loud. Good Gods, what would happen if he said he wanted them to have children? Her cheeks heated up. Even if it was fake, that was too much to hear someone say about you!
"F-Fine, I'll handle him." She coughed and turned to her… her boyfriend. "Jaune, I'll help teach you how to act, but you must do everything you can to not ruin my reputation. Am I understood?"
"Um… what about my reputation?"
"You are dating Weiss Schnee. It's already through the roof!"
He scratched his cheek, "Is that really how it works?"
W-What was that supposed to mean? Was he doubting her? She was Weiss Schnee, not only the heiress of the richest company in the world, but also a professional singer, exemplary huntress-in-training, and more than beautiful if it wasn't too immodest to say so. What did any other woman have that she lacked?
Weiss glared at the other girls in the room.
Yang bounced. Pyrrha bounced. Blake bounced, and Nora practically generated her own gravitational pull. She looked down at herself and hopped on the spot. There was no significant movement.
Her face twitched.
"T-They'll grow in time, you dolt!"
"Wait, what did I do!?"
"You know what you did," she growled, slapping a hand against his arm. "I can't control it. Do you think this was my choice, that I wanted them to be this way!?"
"I'm not sure what you're talking about…"
Weiss slammed her hands down on the bed and pushed forward, growling into his face. "Don't play dumb!"
Yang snickered.
It was around that moment Weiss realised the pose they were in. She'd come forward and squashed him against the mattress, and he'd naturally leaned back from her. To an outsider, it might have looked like she was pinning him to the bed, and it wouldn't take a huge leap of logic to get to something far dirtier. Even Blake was watching. She'd stopped reading her smut to watch them… that was perhaps the most damning thing.
"Ahem." Weiss coughed and moved away. She refused to blush, and instead looked down on him with an imperious expression. "Very well. From this point on, you are my boyfriend, at least in public. Do you know what is expected of you?"
/-/
How had things gotten this bad?
He'd had no idea what to do when Weiss' sister caught them, and he'd just played along to the best of his ability. Well, he finally had a girlfriend – just like he'd always dreamed, except that it wasn't just fake, but she was about ready to grind his skull into dust.
"Well," she repeated, "Do you know what is expected?"
Jaune thought he did. He'd read a lot on this kind of thing, and it wasn't like his mother hadn't tried to drill into his head things that women liked. The problem was… well, it was what his mom said – and that was what immediately made him wary. When it came to normal human interaction, he wasn't the worst person in Remnant. He was the second worst, or third, probably, but no one counted on Uncle Tyrian for anything.
He'd been raised by Cinder and Salem.
He knew how to interact with people because of what they'd taught him, and that wasn't exactly how to normally woo a person.
"I think it's probably safest if I say I don't," he said warily. "In fact, maybe it would be a good idea if you just told me exactly what to do."
Weiss nodded, "I think that's the wisest thing you've said all day. Regardless, humour me… what do you think is the right way for a boyfriend and girlfriend to act? I won't be mad," she promised, "but it might be best for me to know what I'm working with."
"Well, my only experience is what's in books, and how Mom and Dad act around one another."
"Can't you just emulate them?" Yang asked.
"This is the woman who arrested, kidnapped, and then locked your father in a dungeon, before getting pregnant from him because his last request was to sleep with her, right?" Blake asked. "The same woman who then had eight children with him even though he works for her worst enemies?"
Jaune winced and coined a phrase from Ruby. "Yep."
Yang laughed nervously. "On second thought, maybe not…"
"Definitely not," Weiss growled. "Don't your sisters have any boyfriends?"
"Jade says she does, but no one believes her. Other than that, no. There aren't many guys where we live other than our Uncles, and those are off-limits. They're not actually related to us," he said, "It's just a bit weird. But if I had to say what I think is expected of a boyfriend… maybe someone who always makes their girlfriend happy, and who does everything they can to support and help them, so that they can eventually marry and have a loving family?"
"That… sounds a little heavy," Blake said. "Also a rather one-sided interpretation. The boyfriend is hardly a slave to the girlfriend or vice versa."
"Mom always says if I get a girlfriend, I need to try and marry her as soon as possible and provide her loads of grandbabies."
Weiss sighed. "Jaune, I hope you don't take any offence from this, but your mother is bizarre."
Yeah, she didn't know the half of it. He sighed and waved for them to continue. That was how he thought a boyfriend should act, but that was a real one, and this was fake. Come to think of it, Mom's advice had never really covered the `how` to get someone to like you stage. Maybe that was because she'd completely skipped it herself, and believed him getting a life partner would be just as easy. He wasn't sure if that spoke well of her opinion of him, or if it just meant she was that arrogant.
This was complicated. Where was Big Sis when he needed her?
"That's probably more of what a good husband would be," Weiss said, "and even then, it's rather vague. Okay, that's fine. You're willing to learn so that's good. I'll tell you what is actually expected of a good boyfriend. Are you ready?"
Jaune nodded, leaning forward.
"You'll be expected to open doors for me, pull out my chair, take my coat, escort me by arm, bring me presents, take me on a date at least twice a month. Suitable locations would be a restaurant of at least four-star or higher, a theatre or concert, or at worst, a movie – VIP booths only. Because we're still effectively courting, you should compose and read poetry to me, although only when Winter is close enough to see and hear. Address me kindly, and be sure to-" Weiss paused to glare at the others. "What do you find so amusing, Xiao-Long?"
"You… you…" Yang couldn't finish, and instead collapsed on Ruby's bed, laughing hysterically. "Oh, this is great. This is amazing! Bwahaha!"
"What do you mean?" Jaune asked, lowering his notepad. He'd only gotten to the point about poetry.
"You don't… you're don't know either," Yang laughed, pointing at Weiss. There were tears in her eyes. "Oh my god, this is perfect. You're both as useless as one another! It's the blind leading the blind!"
Weiss' cheeks were bright red. "W-What do you mean? Explain yourself! This is what a boyfriend and girlfriend should act like!"
"Yeah, from a period drama set three hundred years ago!" Yang burst out laughing once more.
"That's not true," Weiss growled. "Pyrrha, you… even you…?"
"I-I'm sorry," Pyrrha said, fingers held politely over her mouth. Her eyes were set to the side however, and her shoulders rose and fell. "I think that was very sweet actually. Very… snrk… cute… hrk…"
Weiss' mouth fell open, arm extended. Her eyes flickered to Team RYBN.
Nora had her head buried in Ren's shoulder. Her body practically vibrated, while Blake chuckled softly and shook her head back and forth. Ren watched them both with a neutral expression, and Jaune dared to hope nothing more would come.
He looked aside and coughed into his fist.
No, wait. Ren was smiling, too!
"W-Well it's not like I've ever dated anyone before!" Weiss said, scowling. She slammed a hand into the mattress and refused to meet anyone's eyes. "I'm only working on what I've seen and been told. T-This is what I was taught it would be like!"
"Yeah, if it's a boring relationship that's more of a business agreement," Yang said. Her laughter came to an end with a soft sigh and a final tear that she wiped away. "Oh man, you two are great. Okay, looks like it's up to the master of dating to show you how it's done. I'm pretty experienced, so listen up."
"You are?" Ruby asked. "But Yang, you've never dated anyone eith- arghh!"
The pillow struck again, sending her back over the edge - but nothing could silence the damning truth she'd unveiled.
"AHAH!" Weiss crowed, stabbing a finger at the embarrassed blonde. "I knew it! You talk a big game, Xiao-Long, but when it comes to the moment, you're all bark and no bite. You're just as inexperienced as the rest of us!"
Yang's cheeks flushed, and she glared at Ruby. Still, there were no denials forthcoming. "O-Okay fine, I haven't been on any real dates with people. Just visits to the movies which I didn't even think were dates, until the guy tried to suck my face off like a vacuum cleaner afterwards. That's still more than you, and probably more than anyone else here." She crossed her arms. "I bet there's not a single person here who's actually been on a date with a guy or a girl before, me and Jaune not included. What about you, Pyrrha?"
Pyrrha flinched, especially when all attention turned to her. "Umm…"
"Anyone ever asked you out?"
"W-Well, I suppose…"
Jaune's eyes widened and he leaned forward, Weiss doing the same beside him. Everyone else listened too, which left Pyrrha squirming as she realised she'd have to answer or forever face their curiosity.
"I've received a lot of love letters and fan mail in my time. Most of them were from people I didn't know, but I had my fair share in Sanctum as well."
"You got fan mail?" Jaune asked. "Why, are you famous?"
"Ignore him," Weiss growled, pushing his head down, even as Pyrrha smiled fondly. "What kinds of things did that involve? What were the letters like?"
Pyrrha's smile faltered. "Well… some were nice. They tried poetry, or confessions, or letters. Um… then there were some stranger ones." She paused, but it was obvious from the look on their faces that she'd have to expand on that. She sighed heavily and continued, "The ones that asked me out were a little presumptive, I suppose you could say. They'd claim how our love was pure, or we were meant to be together." She cringed. "And then there was the one which claimed it wanted to smell my hair and used clothing. He also included a lock of his hair."
"Okaaay..." Yang interrupted, face white. "Let's not go any further on that one."
"Definitely not," Weiss said, holding her hands over herself and glaring at him.
What!? It wasn't like he planned to do anything like that! Even he wasn't that creepy, and he'd grown up in an evil tower surrounded by monsters. What the hell was wrong with the people in Mistral!?
"Nora, Ren?" Yang asked. "What about you? Surely the two of you have been on a date or two."
"Oh sure," Nora said, hugging Ren tightly. "We've been together for years!"
"But not together-together," Ren chuckled. "I don't think we're like that, and for some reason girls haven't ever really been interested in me. I have no experience to offer, I'm afraid."
For some reason…? Jaune had a suspicion it might be due to the evilly glaring woman hanging off him, and judging from everyone else's expressions, they felt much the same. As for Nora, she didn't seem all too enthused with his correction as to their relationship status. Her teeth were gnashing together, and Blake was edging away. Once she realised the attention was on her, she stopped.
"I've been in a relationship before," she said.
"Really, Blakey!?" Nora gasped. "You never told me!"
"Yes, but it ended before Beacon, hence why I never brought it up."
Blake didn't seem too distraught about that, which was a shame. Maybe it hadn't worked very well. He wondered if he should go over and give her a hug, but he had the feeling she wouldn't appreciate it very much.
"What happened?" he asked instead.
"We had a difference of opinion. It wasn't something we could work out." She shrugged. "I'm over it, so there's nothing to worry about."
"What about what the two of you did together?" Weiss asked. "Is there anything you did that Jaune and I could emulate?"
Blake opened her mouth.
And then froze.
"No," she said. "No."
"Nothing…?"
"Definitely nothing. Don't do anything we did. Ever."
"Wait, what's that supposed to mean? What did you do?" Yang grinned. "Oooh, I get it. Was it a hot and passionate relationship? A little too explosive, maybe?"
"You could definitely say that..." Blake shook her head. "We're not good examples to work from. I'm afraid I'd rather not say any more. You'll need to come up with your own angle."
And that left them back at square one again. Jaune sighed, and it was quickly echoed by Weiss. This wasn't leading anywhere, and with no one left, it wasn't like the answers would be any more forthcoming-
"I've dated someone."
The words were lightly whispered, and it took a second to find them. Jaune looked to Blake and Team RYBN first, and even Ren was looking at Blake. "I didn't say anything," she said, turning a page.
"Then who did?" Ren asked.
"R-R-R-R-Ruby…!?" Yang's voice croaked. "Ha ha, ha ha… I mean, you're joking, right? I said a date, Rubes. Like a romantic date with a boy."
"Yeah," Ruby said innocently. "I went on a date with a boy."
Yang's mouth opened and closed, words failing to form as she stared at her younger sister. It looked like she wasn't breathing, and Jaune turned to Weiss with a worried expression. The heiress shrugged back.
"You've been on a date with a boy?" Weiss asked suspiciously. "When was this?"
"It was back in Signal last year. I didn't know him very well, but he said he had a crush on me and asked if he could take me on a date." Ruby shrugged. "I said yes, and we dated for a week or two."
There was a high-pitched whine as Yang fell off the back of the bed and collapsed to the floor. Ren lowered his book to look at her and sigh, then narrowed his eyes when he noticed how still she was. He wandered over to check on his partner. Whatever he found didn't look good, for he quickly knelt and started to slap her face.
Weiss, typically, ignored it all.
"Well, it's a little awkward to take dating advice from a girl two years younger than me, but I suppose it can't hurt. What did the two of you do?"
Ruby blushed and shuffled awkwardly, but a look to him – which he returned with a happy nod, had her answering. "We didn't do much. We held hands for a bit, and he took me to get ice-cream at a place nearby. Honestly, we spent most of our time blushing, being awkward, sitting in silence and not knowing what to do." She looked away. "It didn't last very long…"
"Okay," Yang gasped, being helped up by Ren. "That… that's not as bad I feared."
"But we did try kissing."
"Hrkkk!"
"Damn it, Yang," Ren sighed, going down to help her once more.
"How was it?" Pyrrha asked curiously.
"Eh, kind of weird actually…" Ruby fidgeted with her fingers. "We just sort of pecked lips, and then tried it again, but it didn't really feel like anything and I was too shy to suggest anything else. I guess he was the same. We just sort of stared at each other and never tried it again."
That was what romance was like? Jaune wasn't so sure, but at the same time he couldn't argue with the fact that he hadn't known what to do on his date with Yang either. Maybe it's the same with all dating, but Mom and Dad never seem to act like that. Is that because they were already married when I was born?
"Is that how we should act?" he asked his new girlfriend.
Weiss sighed. "Ruby, that has to be the most…" She paused, eyes widening, "Incredible idea I have ever heard! You're a genius!"
"It is?" Jaune asked.
"I am!?" Ruby echoed. "I mean yeah, I am. Yeah!"
"Yes, don't you see? It's perfect. You and I only started dating recently." Weiss took his hands in hers, expression excited. "Winter thinks we went on our first ever date and that even then there was some kind of awkwardness between us that led to that argument. We shouldn't be trying to act like an established couple should."
He caught on quickly. "We should be acting like a new couple…"
"Exactly, and Ruby has the perfect answer to that!" Weiss let go of him and rushed up to the girl, engulfing her in a hug.
"Argh! Weiss has gone insane and is going to kill me!"
"I'm sure it's not that bad," Pyrrha laughed. "She's simply happy!"
"Exactly!" Ruby cried. "That doesn't happen. She's been possessed by evil spirits!"
Pyrrha hesitated. Ruby wasn't wrong…
"We need to act more awkwardly around one another," Weiss decided, dropping the younger girl like a rock. "We're already dating, so holding my hand is fine, but you should at least look at me and then look away like you don't know what to say or do."
Well, that wouldn't be as hard as she was making it sound since he genuinely didn't know what to say or do around her most of the time. That was usually out of fear of making Mt Weiss erupt, however. "Anything else?" he asked.
"I don't know. We need inspiration." Weiss stroked her chin, and rounded on Ruby, who had only just clambered back up onto her feet and watched her leader warily. "I've got it! Ruby can be our test dummy."
"I'm what!?"
"Okay," Yang groaned, coming back up with Ren's help. "I think I'm okay…"
"Ruby, Jaune wants to marry you," Weiss said. "What do you say?"
Yang hit the floor with a loud thump.
Ren sighed and gripped her shoulders, dragging her out of the room. "We'll leave you to it, I think. I don't want to explain why my partner suffered a heart attack." He tugged her from the room with a glare to Blake and Nora, neither of which made any move to help as they followed. Ren sighed and nodded to Jaune. "Good luck. I've a feeling you'll need it."
"You don't need luck," Remy said. "We're beyond luck. This calls for a miracle."
"Yeah," Jaune sighed. "I can tell…"
Ruby and Weiss didn't hear him. The former was too busy choking on air, her face turning an interesting shade of bright red and her hands waving before her. "I don't- I, but I – that's not…"
"Hmm, random stammering and denial," Weiss said, jotting notes. "Go on…"
Jaune sighed and placed a hand against his forehead. This was crazy, and as Weiss began to run through ever worse scenarios, and Ruby came closer and closer to fainting, he couldn't help but think things was going to get a whole lot worse before they got better.
/-/
In woods of Mistral, a small walled village lay. Music and noise came from within, in recent celebration of the work a huntsman had done in saving them from a particularly aggressive Grimm that had set up nest nearby. The people cavorted and twirled, dancing by a great fire and producing such happiness and relief, that it alone would likely drive away any other Grimm.
About a half a mile away from that, a far smaller flame flickered as a campfire slowly died. Beside it, huddled into a thick sleeping roll and hidden within a tent, a solitary figure slumbered.
A far darker shadow crept nearby. Far enough from the village to avoid the joy, the bone-plated monster crept upon the tent, great gouts of steam gushing from its nostrils. It sniffed the air, and snarled quietly at the campfire. Slowly, almost cautiously, it approached the tent.
A soft, human, murmur came from within.
The beast's eyes blazed red. With inhuman intellect, it used its teeth to pry open the folds, ducking its snout within to sniff at the human scent it found. Its maw opened, saliva dripping from its jaw onto the man's face.
Blue eyes snapped open.
"What do you think you're doing?"
The Ursa reacted instantly. It reared back in shock and horror, lifting its bulk up – and tearing the tent pegs from the ground. The thin material wrapped around its face, and it panicked as its sight was blocked. Screeching in shock, it galloped away, tearing its head left and right.
"Not my tent!" Nicholas Arc cried. "Wait, stop. Don't-"
It was too late. The Ursa fled into the forest, his tent still wrapped about its face. A few trees groaned and fell as it rammed into them, but it was clear the Grimm wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Nicholas fell back with a groan, one arm over his forehead as he stared at the starry night sky.
"That's the fourth one this month…" He sighed and rolled over, trying to find some warmth, but was forced to sigh again as his scroll began to chirp angrily. Ignoring it came to mind, but it might be his wife or one of his darling children, so he rolled over and snatched it out of his pack. "Hello?" he said, yawning. "I'm here. What's up?"
"Nicholas?"
His good mood died instantly. It wasn't female, which was eight ninths of the possibility away, and Jaune didn't call him by his name. He glanced down at the caller ID, and then the bedraggled face on the screen. A sigh escaped him.
"Qrow…"
"You don't sound pleased to see me. Is this a bad time?"
Nicholas checked the timer. "It's three in the morning."
"So… is this a bad time?"
He wasn't sure how to answer that question, so didn't. Instead, he ran a hand across his face and yawned again. "You're just going to keep calling if I hang up. I'm awake now. What is it? Why the hell are you calling me? How do you even have my number?"
"Ozpin."
"I blocked him."
"Which is precisely why it's me calling and not him."
Ugh, yeah. He supposed that made sense. He knew Qrow Branwen, of course. It was hard not to. He was one of Ozpin's agents, and that nominally made him one of his wife's greatest enemies, not that Qrow knew.
"Why are you calling me, Qrow?"
"Can't I speak to an old friend?"
"I'm hanging up."
"Okay, okay, wait-" Qrow waved his hand in front of the screen, and Nicholas paused over the end call button. "Alright, I did call for a reason. I wanted to confirm something with you. It'll only take a few minutes, I promise."
He could still have hung up, but that would have been suspicious. It didn't matter what the relationship between Ozpin and his wife was, because as far as Qrow knew, he wasn't involved in that. He was a normal huntsman out in the wild, and so needed to act like one when another called in need of help. Nicholas nodded and gestured for Qrow to speak.
"So, a little bird tells me you got married."
Nicholas' eyes narrowed. "I fail to see how that's any of your business, Qrow."
"That's not exactly a no I'm hearing."
"That's because it's not a no," he said. "I have a wife. What of it?"
"Children, too…?"
"Yes." He couldn't deny that, not when it was true and there was no telling if one of his kids would go out undercover at some point. "Again, Qrow, I'm not sure how this is your business."
"Oh, I think you maybe do know, Nicholas."
His brow narrowed. Did Qrow…? No, surely not.
"Tell me a little about your wife," Qrow said. "Is she a beauty?"
"I certainly think so. Others might disagree."
"Not a traditional beauty?"
"Oh, she is," Nicholas said, smiling fondly. "I guess it's her personality some might disagree with. People find her a little hard to be around sometimes. I think she just doesn't get much in the way of chances to talk to people." He frowned as he thought of that asshole, Tyrian. "She also has several bad influences in her life."
"Family…?" Qrow guessed.
"Not blood family, but… well, I guess you could call it that."
"She sounds interesting," Qrow said. "I'll bet she's a strong woman. Am I right?"
"Heh, she's stronger than me."
"The kind of woman who knows what she wants, and doesn't have time for anything else?"
"Oh, definitely," Nicholas laughed. "What she wants, she definitely gets. Not that I'm against providing it whenever she asks."
Qrow's face went white, and then green in quick measure. He coughed off-screen, and quickly downed some booze from his hip flask. "Ugh, I didn't need that image. Humour me, I'm taking it this is a bit of a long distance relationship if we've never heard or seen her."
"Long distance certainly describes it." The excuse was a good one, so he ran with it. "She doesn't really live in any of the major cities. You know how it is in the outskirts. You do what you can to survive, and most of the Kingdom doesn't even know you exist."
"And I'll bet she's the leader of her own little group, huh?"
Nicholas smile died. He stared down at the scroll in time to see Qrow staring back. Both their faces were resolute, both suddenly a lot more serious than they had been a second ago. "I have no idea what you mean," Nicholas lied.
"Pale skin and red eyes?"
His eyes hardened. "I think this conversation is over."
"She's bad news, Nicholas," Qrow warned. "You're playing with fire and you don't even know it."
"Trust me to know my own business, Qrow."
"Not with this you don't."
Nicholas snarled and ended the call. His fingers flew over the keys, quickly blocking any return ones and then throwing the device down onto the grass. His heart hammered in his chest, his eyes wide. Qrow knew…? Impossible, but what else could he mean? This was bad. This was very, very bad.
She needed to know. With a heavy sigh, he picked up the scroll and dialled a different number. It was answered a moment or so later.
"Sweetie… we may have a problem."
"...?"
"No, it still works perfectly, dear. Yes, I'm sure. Look, I'll prove it myself the next time we see each other, and you'll be walking crooked for hours. Yes, that's a promise. Look, we have a different problem. A bigger problem."
/-/
"Okay," Qrow said, hand on his head. "Now this is officially a problem."
There could have been doubt before, but that was gone now. Nicholas' reaction had as good as confirmed his suspicions, and if it wasn't his sister, then why would he have been so nervous about answering? There was literally no other reason for Nicholas Arc to be so shady. Not unless he was married to the wicked witch of the north or something.
"He might as well be where Raven is involved. Gods…" He slammed his flask down on the bar counter. "This is messed up."
"Another drink, sir?" the waiter asked.
Qrow held his flask out. "Top her up."
Right, he needed to come up with some kind of plan. Nicholas was involved with Raven, which was all kinds of bad, but mostly his own business. Jaune, on the other hand, was kind of his business, since the kid was his student and assigned to him.
The kid dating his own half-sister was also his own business, mostly on account of all the different kinds of messed up it was. At least he didn't seem to pick up any of the Tribe's bad tendencies. Nicholas said it himself – a bad influence, indeed.
There was a chime from the door behind him, heralding another person entering the bar. He didn't turn, even as heeled footsteps echoed towards him. Even as they paused, indication that the figure had seen something that shocked her. They resumed a second later, and the stool to his left was drawn out with a scrape of wood on tile.
Qrow would admit to a little shock once he saw who it was. It wasn't so much the fact she was in a bar, even if that was crazy in itself, but more that she'd sit by him without some kind of fight. Then again, it was usually he that started it, and he wasn't really in the mood.
Judging by the long sigh Winter Schnee let out, she wasn't either.
"Tough day?" he asked.
"I just found out my sister is in a relationship with someone and I had no idea." Winter's shoulders fell. "I don't know what to think about this, but I can't say I'm pleased."
Qrow nodded and turned back to the waiter. "Make that two."
He had a feeling this was going to be a long night.
Poor Winter, poor Qrow – and both of their sisters are dating an Arc… allegedly at least. Actually, there are even more similarities since both are FAKE NEWS. Gasp. The plot thickens.
I'd just like to also point out that insulting me for writing incest kind of doesn't make sense. If it wasn't somehow explicitly clear, Yang and Jaune are not related. It shouldn't even come into the equation.
Next Chapter: 10th August
P a treon . com (slash) Coeur