Chapter 3

Hermione growled in frustration. The journal had been sitting on her mantelpiece all evening, distracting her from her work. Pouring a large glass of wine, she decided that she needed to open it, justifying it by telling herself it might contain the reasons for Draco leaving, which she deserved to know, didn't she?

"Accio Journal" she flicked lazily, it zooming into her lap. Carefully, she lifted the cover and was immediately surprised to find a foreword written on the first page, one that was distinctly not from her.

Malfoy,

I cannot tell you how mad I am at you right now. I'm so mad my quill is shaking.

I know why you did what you did, not that you will ever admit it.

Believe it or not I did the same thing once. But to leave without even telling her? You really are a snake, Malfoy.

Still, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that Hermione meant this journal to be yours, it has your name written all over it, literally. I am willing to bet she crafted those constellations herself.

I'm not giving this to you because I forgive you Malfoy, nor to prolong your pain. I wanted to pass it to you as a reminder, that when you were with her this year, you resembled a good man. While I may not like you, I at least grew to respect you, that is until you went and broke her heart.

Judging by the way my own words are disappearing before me, Hermione has spelled this journal so only you can read it. Consider it a leaving gift, I hope when you write in it that it will make you remember the man you were this year, not the one you are letting people believe you are right now.

You may choose not to believe it yourself, and I am sure you couldn't care what I think either way, but Hermione believed you were worthy of a chance, so did we, and eventually so will the Wizarding World.

Forever hating your guts ferret,

Sincerely

H. J. Potter.

Hermione was so stunned she almost dropped her wine all over poor Crookshank's. Harry had sent the journal to Draco? Had Harry known where he was all along?

She knew she shouldn't do it even as her fingers turned the next page. She almost whimpered as she saw her name in Draco's familiar fancy, elitist scrawl.

10. 02. 1999

Dear Hermione,

It seems one of the hardest things we ever do is grieve the loss of a person who is still alive, but no longer in reach.

11. 02. 1999

Dear Hermione,

How is It that I know every inch of you, and suddenly we are strangers again?

14.02.1999

Dear Hermione,

I hate this stupid commercial holiday, but suddenly I find myself wanting to be your valentine. If only I had a time-turner, I swear I would find you sooner and love you for longer.

Hermione inhaled deeply with tears in her eyes. This couldn't be real, she couldn't entertain this, why would he have taken that potion if any of this was true? It doesn't matter now anyway you foolish woman, he's in love with Astoria. They're getting married. You should stop torturing yourself.

But then why does he still have it? The inquisitive bookworm in her would not stop asking. These are just the first two pages of entries, and they are dated four years ago. Maybe if she just read a little further, she would start seeing journal entries about his life in Canada and she could forget these silly notions.

Yes. That's It. I'm sure whatever this is didn't last long. She flipped forward a few pages.

15.12.1999

Dear Hermione,

I saw you today. You looked beautiful.

I was meeting with Longbottom, though I call him Nev these days. It's funny to picture your face if you ever found out. Not that you will, but it was nice just to see you.

I am jealous of everybody who gets to spend the day with you when I can't.

Hermione racked her brains, fruitlessly, trying to figure out where he had seen her. Despite her best efforts she could not remember exactly what she had been doing on the 15th December four years ago.

3.4.2000

Dear Hermione,

My potion failed today. I've been working on it for months. I can hear your know it all voice in my head telling me to keep going until I find a solution.

I just wish you could have believed in me for real.

But I DID. Hermione wanted to scream but it came out in a whisper. I DID believe in you Draco, but you didn't bother asking my opinion! She growled silently to herself. Just find out where it ends… she took a deep breath and flipped another few pages.

5.6.2000

Dear Hermione,

I dream of you. A lot. But the worst is when I think I've stopped dreaming, when I wake up at 3am and you're there with me, sleeping peacefully, and all the loneliness goes away, but then I wake up for real. That's the worst.

Hermione closed the journal with a snap, breathing hard. How many times had she had that exact same dream, all because he had torn them apart? Before she knew what she was doing she was standing in Harry and Ginny's floo, calling his name.

"Merlin Hermione its almost midni.." Harry trailed off when he noted Hermione's tear stained face and saw what she was holding.

"Where did you get that?" he said, too quickly.

"Someone dropped it outside my office" she said tightly, stepping out of the flames. "The question is, why did he have it? No, sorry, I already know the answer to that" she laughed coldly "the real question is, why did you give it to him Harry."

"If you read it then you already know" Harry blushed. "I didn't want him to turn into a miserable prejudiced ass again when you broke up. I mean it was clearly already personalised and, it's just a journal, right?"

"Right" Hermione took a breath, Harry couldn't have known what Draco would write, she reminded herself, "But you should have consulted me Harry, it wasn't yours to give away"

"Your right, I should have. But you were catatonic at the time Mione, it was Ginny and me who packed up your dorm remember?"

Hermione grimaced "I haven't forgotten Harry. The Journal's not the problem, it's what he wrote in it"

"I thought only Malfoy could read it?" Harry asked confused.

Hermione smiled wryly, "ten points to Gryffindor" she smirked, "except I'm the maker, you've had enough conversations with goblins to know the relationship between magically crafted objects and their makers Harry, the enchantments don't work against me."

Harry's face paled "what, exactly, have you read Hermione?" He asked cautiously.

Hermione warred with herself, on the one hand, this was Draco's private personal musings. On the other she really, really needed her friends help. "Harry James Potter, if you laugh even once, I promise I will obliviate you!" she told him sternly.

Harry nodded mutely, he did not need to be told to fear Hermione's wrath. "Revelio" she tapped her wand on the journals signature and ink began to appear."

Harry delicately prized the journal from her but snapped it shut after glancing at the first page.

"These are dated after…"

"Yup" Hermione said.

"Is every page…"

"All the ones I've read" she sighed.

"But then why…"

"That's what I'd like to know!" she screamed. "You said in your note to him that you knew why he did it" she accused, causing Harry to go bright red. "You said you knew his reasons because you did the same thing once. What does that mean?".

Harry sighed "Remember when Ginny and I first kissed but I told her I couldn't be with her because I was marked by Voldemort?"

"What does that have to do with...?" Hermione frowned.

"Ginny's a fantastic witch! Better than most of her brothers! She can more than fend for herself, but I still ended things because I couldn't bear it if she were hurt because of me. It was obvious Malfoy was preparing to do the same for you. It was in his eyes the entire time you two had that win thing going on, he thought he was going to ruin your life Hermione. Then he finds out there's a way to protect you from him, it doesn't take a genius. The bit I can't forgive him for is not telling you".

"That's ironic" Hermione spat.

"What?" Harry looked up at her.

"You can't forgive him for not telling me, but you claim to have known this for the last four years and didn't see fit to mention it? You were so certain the entire time and you just let me think the whole time that I wasn't good enough, that he'd never loved me? How could you Harry?"

"Mione, I'm sorry, I didn't think of it like that. It wasn't my place!" he pleaded.

"Did you know where he was?" she hissed.

"What?"

"Did. You. Know. Where. He. Was."

"No. I swear I didn't Mione. I swear." He looked her in the eyes and she knew she believed him.

"What do I do now Harry?"

"I'm not sure there's anything you can do Mione. Respond to him if you think it will help you get closure. But the man Is engaged." Harry's eyes turned hard. Relationships were a serious commitment to him and he would never condone the idea of breaking up an engaged couple, even if it was for Hermione. "It's time you let him go." Harry hugged her and gently directed her back to the fireplace. "Get some sleep, Mi" he smiled wearily as the flames turned green.

It took Hermione more glasses of wine than she would care to admit, but eventually sleep took her.

Let me know what you think! Was harry wrong to send Draco the journal when he found it?