9. All or Nothing

For a moment nobody moved. Jinx and Starfire stood stiff, paralyzed. Garfield's eyes sought out and met with Arella's. On an unspoken understanding she walked to Theron's prone form and knelt beside him, while Garfield bent over Raven anxiously.

Raven's eye was riveted on Theron, slowly widening as she became aware of what she'd done. Her entire body began shaking and her eye squeezed shut as her mouth opened in a silent, futile wail of denial. Garfield's hands gripped her shoulders. She heard him say something, but the words simply did not register in her mind. She felt him shake her.

"I said, look at me!" Garfield snarled at her, desperate to snap her out of it. "It wasn't you!" he shouted. "It was him! It's not your fault!"

She whipped her head from side to side, not wishing to listen to him, her hand clutching at his uniform but at the same time pushing him back, a mass of conflicted thoughts and emotions and sensations tearing her sanity apart, her very soul recoiling from what she had done, from what she had caused, from the monstrous blackness inside her that finally showed its true being. She felt him trying to embrace her and calm her down, but she squirmed and fought him, wrenching out of his arms. She did not want to be calm, she didn't deserve it, she was evil, a murderer, a destroyer, just like her –

A slap stung her right cheek, rattling her teeth. She gasped, then moaned. Another slap burst on her ear, the stinging pain resurrecting her anger and making it burn through the roiling darkness that was engulfing her mind. Her eye cracked open, the red fire in it replicating on the ruined side of her face.

She felt his hands grip her face.

"Look at me!"

Her vision was a sea of red nuances, a crimson-and-black monochrome world painfully sharp in focus while slowly dissipating in carnelian shadows on the edges of her vision. Only one other color contested the unbroken sanguinity of her perception, the malachite of his eyes.

She shuddered and lowered her head. The red tide in her retina drained and the normal colors returned.

"G – Gar…"

She felt his arms close around her, his fingers in her hair, his lips whispering in her ear.

"It wasn't you, Rae. It wasn't you. Don't blame yourself. It was him. He made you do it. It wasn't you. Calm down. Everything's fine. You are fine. I'm here. I love you. Calm down."

Her hand still clutched him desperately. She buried her face in his shoulder and started sobbing.

"It's OK. Let it out. Let it all flow out. Cleanse him from your soul. Wash him from your mind. It's all right," he kept crooning to her. Her sobs subsided and were replaced by shivers that slowly softened until she finally managed to take a deep breath and lift her head.

"Theron…"

"He has been hurt badly, but he's alive and he will recover."

Her eye studied him carefully, searching for clues, almost hoping he was lying. But his eyes were sincere and affectionate and pained. Her hand unclenched finally and went up, touching his cheek.

"I'm sorry…"

The pain in his eyes deepened.

"Don't ever make me do that again, Rae. It was the hardest thing I've done in my life."

He left Raven in the care of Jinx and Starfire and walked quickly to the infirmary where Theron was taken a few minutes ago. Soon he ran into Red Star and Nightwing who were hurrying to Raven's room.

"Gar, what happened?" a concerned Nightwing asked. "Vic just told us there was an accident –"

"Later!" he growled, pushing through them and walking away. Suddenly he stopped and turned to them. "Please don't disturb her. She's with Jinx and Star. They'll take care of her while I check on Theron."

"Theron?" Nightwing inquired at Garfield's retreating back. He turned to Red Star. "Isn't he the –"

"The leader of Azarath," Leonid agreed in a deep rumble. "It is a strange thing that happened."

"Why is he here? How is he here?" Nightwing demanded from the Russian. Leonid shrugged and turned, heading for Raven's room. Richard followed.

"Great!" he grumbled as they walked. "Leave us in the dark. Make us guess and wonder. Thanks a lot!"

Red Star chuckled. "We will find out soon enough. For now, the best to do is to be available if it is needful."

They reached Raven's door. Almost on command, they looked at each other, shrugged and sat down on the floor, backs to the wall, one at each side of the door.

"It is going to be uncomfortable night," Red Star said wryly. Nightwing grinned at him, then settled back the best he could and tried to relax.

"How is he, Arella?" Garfield asked as soon as he walked into the infirmary.

Arella sighed. "Well enough, I suppose. He will pull through. Cracked ribs, concussion and some internal bleeding, but nothing that we can't heal between Cyborg, him and me."

He strode over and looked at the Azarathian laying on the infirmary bed. His fists clenched. Arella noticed it.

"It should've been me," she whispered. "I shouldn't have let him –"

"How could you know?" Cyborg said in a tired voice. "No sense torturing yourself."

Arella shook her head. "That is the problem, Cyborg. I should have known. I should have realized that Trigon would not release his hold on her that easily. I should have tried first."

"And that would only get you hurt instead of him. It would just cause even worse pain to Raven!" Garfield said angrily.

"No, Garfield. Think. I… know Trigon. Better than anyone else, except for Raven. I would've felt his influence and I would retreat, and she wouldn't have lashed out at me." She gave Theron's unconscious body an affectionate, concerned look. "He just… can't understand it. No one in Azarath can. The depths of depravity and evil… It is beyond them. He saw it but he didn't comprehend it, didn't recognize it for what it was. It is something completely beyond his experiences. He wasn't able to defend himself."

"Arella." Garfield's voice was urgent. "Please don't lose yourself. I need you."

"I don't see what I can do. Trigon will not let me heal her, just as he didn't let Theron –"

Garfield smiled at her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You don't need to. In the end, there is only one person that can do it."

They both looked at him, confused.

He lifted his hand and showed it to Cyborg. "Remember this? I thought this was me…"

"So did I," Cyborg frowned. "Are you telling me that –"

"Yes. She did it. That night. I'm certain she wasn't even aware of doing it. She did it while she was sleeping. That is why she never healed my back; she never knew I was wounded there."

"Garfield, her power –" Arella tried to interrupt him.

"Hear me out!" Garfield cut her off. "It was her, I know it. She healed my hand. And her strike at Theron… Her power is still in her, but she can't connect to it consciously. But when she is sleeping, her subconscious can overcome or maybe bypass Trigon's taint. That means…"

"She can use her trance to heal herself!" Cyborg exclaimed. "We just need to find a way –"

Garfield nodded. "We need to find a way for her to connect consciously to her power again."

Cyborg scowled. "How do we do that? I doubt psychiatric therapy would work. Or exorcism, for that matter."

Arella stepped closer to Garfield and placed a hand on his arm. "You are her best option. You have to guide her –"

"It would require months, Arella! There is no time! I need to do something now!"

She sighed deeply. "I just don't see what can be done to speed things up. This is Raven's battle. She needs to rally all her potential, all her forces to fight Trigon's influence. She needs to get hold of herself and fight it, overcome it and then cleanse it from her. Only then will she be able to connect to her magic consciously."

"What will happen if we get her angry? Greenbean here's got a knack for doing that!"

"I thought I was in charge of the dumb jokes, Bolt Bucket!"

Arella interrupted their banter. "Anger is not the answer. You may move her internal emotions that way, but you will also strengthen Trigon's influence. What she needs is love, and happiness, and care."

"We've been drowning her in those for the last few days. It's working, but it's just too slow!" Garfield said with a note of desperation in his voice. "There must be a quicker way!"

Arella frowned, thinking. "You told me that Trigon had perverted her feelings and her memories. What she would need is to cleanse those feelings, one by one, slowly pulling her out. But I don't see how it can be done quickly."

Garfield stared at the floor, a scowl on his face. Then the scowl slowly began melting. He lifted his head and looked at Arella while a small smile curled the ends of his lips upwards.

"I do."

Without any further words, he turned and ran out of the infirmary.

"Have you asked for her forgiveness, my friend?" Red Star asked, not looking at Nightwing.

Richard glared at him. "What?"

Leonid chuckled. "It does not take much intelligence to understand what has happened between the two of you. It is clear, I think, to everyone. So, did you?" he turned his head and returned Nightwing's glare calmly.

"Why would you care?"

"Because I love her."

Richard's teeth ground against each other. "I promised Vic I won't –"

"Do not be greater idiot than what you were!" Leonid's voice lashed at him. "Do you understand nothing? Has Raven not spoken to you about that?"

He took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Yes. Yes, she has."

"Then you know that I do not love her like that. Or like a sister, or like a daughter. I am not your competitor, Richard Ivanovitch."

"Then answer me what I asked already. Why do you care?"

"I already did. Because I love her. Because I want her to be happy. Because she loves you, and she can be happy with you, but only if you… what is expression? 'Get your stuff together'?"

Nightwing chuckled. "Yes. The expression's a bit stronger, but that's the general idea."

"I owe her more than my life, Richard. I owe her my hopes and my dreams and my joy. She made me stop existing and start living. Nobody has ever done anything like that for me. Not my parents, not my comrades, not my lovers. I cannot love her romantically. I can only place her on pedestal and adore her."

Richard closed his eyes and sighed. "Yes, Rae told me. But I suppose I had to hear it from you."

"I know. That is why I am saying it."

Nightwing turned his head and looked at Red Star with a small smile on his face. "So, is there place in your heart for someone else?"

Leonid started laughing loudly, then quickly checked himself, remembering that he shouldn't be upsetting Raven. "Of course. It is Russian heart, as big as my country. That is why there are several nice Russian girls, each with a place in it."

Nightwing grinned at him, a barbed but friendly reply on his lips, when they heard the sound of running footsteps. They sprang up, ready for anything. Garfield ran up to the door and placed his palm on the opening sensor, ignoring them.

"Gar? What's going –"

The green changeling entered Raven's room without a word, leaving Nightwing and Red Star frowning at the closed door.

"Star, Jinx, could you give us some private time, please?" It was more a demand than a request. The two girls looked at each other.

"Friend Garfield –"

"Starfire, please!"

The single pleading word was so intense that it overcame their resistance. They filed out, frowning. The door closed behind them.

He walked over to her bed and sat down beside her, taking her hand.

"Better?" he asked quietly.

"From the moment you walked in," she said, her eye glowing.

He smiled at her and gave her hand a hard squeeze. "So…"

"What is it, Gar? I know that look."

"What look?" he grinned innocently.

She sighed. "The one you have when you're preparing a prank for someone. The one you have when you're trying to hide something. What is it?"

His grin widened for a moment, then faded. "There is a way, Rae. One final way."

Her eyebrow went up. "You never seem to run out of ideas. But I think –"

"NO!" he shouted savagely, the grip on her hand becoming painful. "You will not give up! I will not give up! I will not let you go! I will fight until the end, and then I will fight to bring you back!" He was breathing heavily with the emotions that he poured into his outburst. "You won't get rid of me that easy, Raven. Wherever you go, I will follow."

"Garfield!" she whimpered, her heart breaking. "Don't say such stupidities –"

"No. It's not a stupidity. It's a fact." Her bent his head closer and kissed her gently. "I won't go through that again, Rae."

She closed her eye, trying to keep the tears back. "Gar, please, you must promise me –"

She felt his lips graze her ear. "I can't. I'm sorry."

She shivered and fought her despair down. "All right. We'll talk about this later. What did you think of?"

"I need your mirror."

Her eye suddenly became cold and hard.

"No."

"I can find it myself. You will be saving me an hour, no more."

"I won't let you!" she shouted.

"You don't have a choice, Rae. I've made up my mind."

"Gar, please…"

His voice had the sound of finality in it. "It has to be done. There is no other way."

"There must be! If anything happens to you… How will you get out? I won't be able to help you!"

He ran his fingers through her hair. "Then I'll stay inside you until… the end. And I'll go with you."

Tears were now streaming freely down her cheeks. "Please…" she sobbed.

"I'm sorry, Rae. This is it. All or nothing." He got up and went to the nightstand, opening its drawer.

"Gar, do you have any idea what my mind is like now? It's a deadly place! It's been contaminated and corrupted by Trigon! You won't last a minute in it!"

He refused to answer, shuffling the contents of the drawer, looking for the mirror.

"Don't do it, Gar, please!"

With a grunt of satisfaction, his hand came out holding the curiously shaped hand mirror. He looked at her.

"Wish me luck."

He lifted the mirror to his face.

"GARFIELD! NOOOOOO!"

The door opened. Jinx and Starfire rushed into the room, only to see a tearful Raven and a hand mirror resting on the floor.