Chapter 5 – Expectations…
Time seems to go slower than usual as the reality dawns on me…
It's a bit ironic that I actually only realize it at the same time I'm confessing to her, although I'm perfectly aware that I probably wouldn't have confessed it if I didn't forget about the poem…
I put those thoughts aside as Natsuki finishes her read. W-Well, h-here we go…
Natsuki lowers my poem, facing the floor with the biggest blush I ever saw on her still very visible in her face. She slowly raises her eyes but she doesn't look at me properly. She tries to say something, and I don't know if it was because she got the courage to or because she didn't realize from not being able to answer me properly but ends up finally facing me.
T-The nerves start getting to me as I feel the heat getting rising throughout my body. H-Here it comes! E-Either she likes me or she will tear me apart with her words.
I wait, still facing her, for her answer… "I…I-I…H-HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM!"
She basically shouts out her answer, walks out of the clubroom as fast as she could. Her answered caught me off guard, she didn't answer me though...
"Hey..." I look at my left as Monika touches my left shoulder and gets in front of me. "Did something go wrong with Natsuki?" Her concern really shows on her expression. She really seems to care that she knows how I feel about her. "I-I don't know, she didn't even answer me properly…" "Answer to…what…"
Monika gets down while finishing her sentence, grabbing a paper I didn't notice was beside us. Monika raises the paper, reading its content. I quickly realize that it's my poem that Natsuki probably left behind while leaving the clubroom. I quickly feel myself blushing at the fact that I didn't actually remember the other girls were going to read it too. I don't really care now that it's done, but still, I get embarrassed by my dumbness.
Her eyes pop open as she realizes what just happened. "W-WHAT?!" She quickly put her own hand in front of her mouth like if that would have shut her shout before coming out. She gets a bit closer and talking on a much lower tone than before… "Y-You actually confessed to her?!" I feel myself blush as she questions me with a disbeliefed expression on her face. "Y-Yeah…" She catches me off guard by grabbing me my shoulders, which makes me blush harder even though I'm more caught by surprise than embarrassed at that. "How?! I-I mean I know I was kinda making fun of you yesterday, sure, but…" She stops for a second, looking me in the eyes as if she finds the answer to her next question in them. "…you're actually in love with her, aren't you?"
I look to the door ant my right, just making sure Natsuki wasn't about to enter and heard anything I was going to say. I mean, I don't think it's bad that Monika knows I like her, she is actually being so nice in wanting to help me and she cares for Natsuki too! But I know Natsuki might not find very funny Monika knowing my feelings for her as well. Keeping a low profile on this, for now, seems like the better way of doing things, at least for now.
I raise my head and suddenly Monika's look gets relieved, lowering her arms from my shoulders in the process. I proceed to finally answer her question. "I didn't realize it until about an hour ago, on my last class… not even when you talked about it yesterday, and, to be honest, I wouldn't have realized it if I hadn't forgotten to write the poem for today…" "You forgot today's poem and you wrote this on your last class?..." I quickly bow to Monika, asking for forgiveness right after, feeling very embarrassed for it… "I'm so sorry Monika, I…" I raise my head, facing her again while looking slightly down to my right side. "I-I just had Natsuki on my head all day, and when I remembered about the poem… the only thing that came to my mind other than the light idea was Natsuki…"
Monika shakes her head right after I finish my sentence, facing me right after with a smile. "I'm not mad, don't worry!" This relieves me, because after all, although she really seems to care for this, she is still our president. "I don't feel sad or anything, because it takes time to start new routines. And I know perfectly well that you just joined the club, and actually, it makes me happy that you tried your best to have a poem ready to the club share today. Even though you had to write it as quick as you did!" She laughs after that, and I join her although I still feel ashamed at myself for my always present forgetfulness. As her amusement ends, she continues with a smile on her face. "I'm… just surprised! Not only for the fact that you two just met, but you actually just realized your feeling and yet you already told her that! Guys usually aren't that strong and straight forward when it comes to confessing to girls I think…" "And the funny part is that not even I am! It's just that… when I'm with Natsuki it's like…"
Suddenly the clubroom's door swings quickly hitting the end a bit hard, startling both me and Monika from our talk. We both face the door, seeing Natsuki in the doorway as she closes the door behind her. As she raises her head, she quickly realizes Monika is holding my poem in her hand, running as fast as she could towards our direction while her face gets red hot yet again. "H-Hey!" Natsuki snatches my poem from Monika's hands as soon as she gets to us. "D-Did you read this?!" "Of course I did! I liked it!" Monika gives Natsuki that bright smile of hers, as Natsuki struggles to know how to react that, just blushing awkwardly at the situation. "Y-You know? You really shouldn't read things that aren't for you!" I have been getting to know Monika a bit better since we talked on chat, because I know she is quite amused by this embarrassed Natsuki confronting her. She changes her bright expression to a mix between questioned and amused expressions before answering Natsuki's statement. "Oh… but that's Mew's poem for today right? He is supposed to share it with everyone today for the poem sharing, right?"
"Ugh-" Natsuki is unable to answer back to Monika, but ends up speaking after a bit. "W-Well, I-I think no one would really want to read this anyway, and that Mew is done sharing this poem, eheh!" She looks to the side and tries to act like she is right, but she is clearly not. She gets close to her bag that is a bit behind her. "A-Actually, I-I'm just going to hold onto it…" Monika just laughs aside as she makes her way back towards her desk giving me an amused look while walking past me. I just sigh in relief, and although I don't know what Natsuki felt about it, she at least seemed to like it, because she definitely wants to keep the poem.
I walk towards her, as she looks to the side avoiding eye contact with her hair slightly covering her face, as usual, does when she gets a bit flustered like this. It's still visible the blush on her face. "H-Hey N-Natsuki…" "W-What?!" The embarrassment and nervous feeling between us really telling, but asking about her feelings towards me right after showing the poem doesn't seem like the right move. I bet she would probably hit me or something for not giving her time, which quite honestly she deserves to have, and I know she hasn't had a very good day since this morning so it's better this way I think… "I-It's not really fair to share with half the club and not share it with the other half, t-there is still Sayori and Yuri left…" She closes her eyes as she gets that I'm asking her to give me back the poem. "…but I'll give it to you after the poem sharing!" She suddenly opens her eyes and faces me. Her face looks a bit disbelieved but she should know by now that it's obvious I would do whatever I could that made her like me, and although I know this might not be much, I know she wants the poem, and I would like it very much if she had it. "I promise…"
"…Fine!" She hands me back the piece of paper that holds my feelings for her written throughout it, but she seems much calmer now that she knows it's hers once we are done sharing. "I-It's not like they are going to like it… a-and uhhh…" Natsuki seems to want to say something about what she feels and thinks about my poem, but ends up just keeping the talk there for now. "N-Nothing…" I smile at her, something that seems to make her uneasiness smooth gradually, as I eventually turn towards Sayori to keep the poem sharing going.
I reached Sayori with my poem in hand. She quickly shared with me her thoughts on Yuri's poem and how it was so complex and that it amazed her although she didn't quite get most of it or its message. It's really telling she admires Yuri's writing, and I can't really think otherwise because it really amazes me too even though I've only read a poem of hers. She really has a talent for writing.
Sayori shared her poem with me after that, and she kinda catches me by surprise. Her poem is quite good, not too complex like Yuri's tend to be but much more than the one she wrote the previous day, although not too hard to decipher as I expected. But somehow, it doesn't feel right. The poem is kinda…sad, very not like… Sayori. Something doesn't quite add up in it…
It seems a little bit… off. Or is it just me?
"Sayori, did you wrote this? Wow, I didn't expect something like this!" "Huh? What do you mean? Is it bad?" She really should take a bit more consideration for her skills, although she isn't like a premier poet, she has put in the work these days, so improvement is a natural consequence of that work she made for this poem and yesterday's "No, no! That's not what I mean! It is great!" "Really?" "Of course! I liked yesterday's, but this one is on another level in terms of writing, and even on the message and feels it has." "Monika has really helped me with my way of writing, but especially with putting my feelings and thoughts onto the poems I write." I take a second to get what she just said. She took her feelings and thoughts onto her writing and it came out like this? S-She is Sayori! Herself in a poem would be like rainbows and unicorns flying around the sky happy ever after with all those happy thoughts of my happy-go-lucky best friend. Then why is it sad? Either she just talked bollocks or Sayori isn't telling me something…
"Hey?" I raise my head as I realize I probably spaced out in thought while she looks worried at me after calling me out. "Are you okay? You kinda spaced out for a bit…" "Oh, I'm fine Sayori! Thanks for asking! Are you okay though?" She seems to get a bit thoughtful but quickly gets her happy bright smile back on her face. "Sure, I'm great! But I'm really curious to check your poem out!" She answered me but somehow I don't feel like she is telling me the truth. We've known each other for years now, so I usually get these ties when she is lying. But usually, she lies to get me to buy her candy and stuff, not about how she is feeling. I don't like this, but this isn't really the best place to talk since we still have people to share poems with.
I end up giving her my poem, as she quickly gets it from my fingers, reading it like if it was good writing. I mean, it's not the worse ever, but definitely not the best. Maybe the best I wrote? At least it served its purpose with Natsuki I hope, so I'm happy about it regardless if it's good or bad. As I digress, Sayori finishes the reading.
"Ohhh… What a great poem Mew! I like this one" "You think it's good?" "Of course! I liked yesterdays, but this one you really showed what you can write. Did you inspire yourself on something or did it just come out?" "U-Uhhh…." W-Well, this is a bit awkward I think... I mean, I know I confessed to Natsuki, but I probably wouldn't have done it if I didn't forget about the poem. And Monika definitely wouldn't have known about it if I didn't struggle to answer her properly when she asked and if she wasn't so good connecting my poem to me liking a girl. But Sayori is my best friend, I should tell her, right? But I don't want to involve her in this, and I still don't know Natsuki's answer so… I guess it's better to not let her know at least until Natsuki and I talk properly about this…
"Well, I guess I didn't have a really good idea about what to write, so I started writing some random words that came to my mind while I was locked in my room and it ended up like this! I guess I could have been lucky, but I'm happy to have written a poem like this!" I smile at Sayori. I don't really like to lie, especially to her, but I don't really want this to spread around. I want to deal with this my way, and last time I got into a girl it was… let's say really not the best situation… Even Sayori really struggled because I of how down and awful I was feeling, and I don't want to put her through other situation like that, and of course I don't want that to myself as well, but I don't have a choice but to risk it if I like Natsuki…
"Oh really? But it really worked! It shows strong feelings on this one, I like both the poems you did but this one even more! But it somehow get's me, because it's a bit of a sour and sad poem, although it ends up on a happier and sweeter note I think…" "Yeah, I get your point of view…" "It's like food!" "You're so hungry that you just compared my poem to food? Sayori…" I seriously not surprised, but actually, it's still funny when Sayori randomly inserts food to our talks just because she is hungry. "NO! That's not what I mean! I mean it's sweet and sour, it's… like… BITTERSWEET! That's the word!" Sayori jumps as she remembers and smiles proudly that she remembered the word, as I take her comparison and really question where she got that from because it was really great. "Sayori, that analogy sounded unexpectedly great!" "It did? I-I mean, YEAH! It did, didn't it?! She poses proudly as we both end up laughing.
I went up to Yuri for the last poem share which went pretty smoothly, for her. She really liked the poem and understood that it was a love poem, although from her point of view it could also be seen as a poem about a harsh life that ended up when that life met some person or people who helped it get out of those terrible times. Yuri is very impressive with her ways of processing literature, it really shows how good she actually is in this. For me though… it was kinda terrible. I didn't really get the poem at all. It was dark and very occult, it was almost like it's message would be too much for me to bare, so it simply shuts my mind and doesn't let me have any idea about what meaning it holds, which is frustrating, to say the least since I really thought I was getting even better than on class… but no. Even though she was amused by the situation, Yuri didn't push me at all for not understanding.
"It is a very personal poem for me actually, so it's just natural that you wouldn't get it at first. But I'm sure you'll eventually get to the point when your skills are sharpened enough so you can understand such a way of writing, then you will get more complex poems such as this one." "Hmm… yeah, I guess you're right. Your writing is really astonishing Yuri!" She gets a hard blush and spastically gets her hair to kind of cover the left side of her face. "A-Ah y-you think so? I-I mean I try…" "No, really! You could really even get to be an amazing writer one day!" I smile at her as she thanks me for the kind words. I was being honest, she definitely could be an awesome writer. I wonder what she wants to do after school? "I-I mean, I have given thought to it… about being a professional, I mean…b-but I never really thought I was that good at it…"
I get up from my seat to face Yuri properly. I want her to get that I'm serious about what I am going to say. "But I'm not joking, you could really do it you know? I'm not saying it's the finished perfect work right now, of course, it's not! It would be silly of me to say that…" She gets a serious expression on her face, playing close attention about what I am saying. "But, like, with the natural aptitude you show here and on other poems you wrote… with proper classes and with also with you being such a good student as you are… you could definitely be one to watch in that area, I'm sure of it!"
Yuri looks at me quietly, suddenly letting a chuckle slip between her lips. This catches me off guard and I realize that maybe I could be talking too much and that I should have let her speak more. "A-Ah, s-sorry! I'm probably just ranting about, isn't it? Hehehe…" "N-No! Not at all actually! You actually helped a lot! Thank you for believing in me, I'll take what you said to thought okay?" She shares a genuine smile with me, something that somehow calms my embarrassed thoughts. Maybe she got what I meant. That makes me happy. I smile back at her before answering. "That would be great! Thank you for listening!"
Suddenly Monika calls everyone to join her near her desk so we can finally talk about the festival. I remember that although Monika read my poem, I didn't get to read hers, something that actually makes me sad. She has really good writing skills, and she gave me a really good tip after I read it so I could write better and understand her poem better too. I have to remember to ask her to let me read it later.
We all join Monika near her desk, moving some chairs and taking seats in front of Monika, as she does the same and places her chair in the middle so she could face all of us at the same time. As we start talking, it is clear that both Natsuki and Yuri are concerned about the amount of time we have to get something good prepared. Monika tries to calm them down after they share their thoughts. "I understand, but don't worry! We will keep it simple, and focus on what we know will work! And that is? Focusing on what we are good at!" I'm kind of caught a bit off Monika's idea. "What do you mean? Like, writing some poems like we have been doing? "Monika smiles at me, snapping her finger while pointing to me afterwards. "Exactly! But not only that!"
"What more could we do?" Natsuki doesn't seem amused by just that idea. Sayori shares with us a poster before continuing Monika's point. "Well, Moni and I have been working on posters and some pamphlets, something like some of the other clubs did and that are outside exposed on the walls and stuff. We were thinking about getting our talents to use!" "L-Like me making tea mixes?..." I look at Yuri not getting where she is coming. Wait! That isn't related to literature but actually could be a good idea! "That's a great idea Yuri, that could really attract people to check us out!" "I-I could bake some cupcakes too!" Natsuki quickly jumps mix, and I think it was just so she wouldn't be behind Yuri, something that amuses me. "Now that attracts even more people! The smell of the cupcakes would easily be enough to get people checking our work out!" Natsuki gets a small blush and Monika quickly follows my point. "Natsuki and Mew are right, it's a really good idea. And I know what work we could be doing for the festival! We could perform!"
Natsuki questions Monika right after she finishes "P-Performing? What do you mean?" "What I mean is this! Each of us would choose or write a poem, and then after the classroom is more filled up we would talk a bit about the importance of literature and share a poem with everyone. It wouldn't take that long, it would show what kind of things we do but more importantly! It would show what kind of things they could be doing if they joined us!" I get Monika's point, it's not easy to write poems, and although it's not the objective, many students struggle with literature classes in general. And we could help them develop their skill a bit more by working in a fun way as we do with the poem share.
"And even other students can share their poems after we are done! Moni and I have written that on the posters in case someone wants to share too and can prepare in advance." Natsuki quickly opposes. "W-Wait a minute! You're forgetting something here! I-I didn't sign up for this kind of poem sharing!" "What do you mean?" Sayori gets confused and asks Natsuki, who comes back with the answer right away to clarify her. "P-Performing? For a room full of students I don't even know?" "I-I could never d-do something like that…" Yuri shares getting us a bit of guard. Monika's expression gets sad all of the sudden. "O-Oh…I-I'm sorry everyone. I-I just thought this could work, and didn't remember maybe you wouldn't agree with making the performance…" "Moni…" Sayori tries to comfort Monika, that raises her head right after that. "But still…" She gets up, getting back our attention from our fears. "I'm absolutely sure we could do an amazing job with this performance idea, and I fully believe you could do wonderfully. And definitely get some students to go along with it too!"
I smile as I get off my seat "I have to agree with Monika." Natsuki and Yuri face me, hearing my thoughts as I speak them out loud. "I have to admit, although I don't have much trouble reading for others, which I know doesn't make me the best guy to talk at the moment…" Every one of us starts laughing as I make a bit of fun off of myself, and probably getting Yuri and Natsuki in better thoughts before continuing. "But I have problems sharing my thoughts and feeling to others too. But I still believe I could do it and do a great job with it. And the same goes to all of you because I really believe you could do it great too!" "Thank you, Mew." "Yeah, that was great Mew!" Both Monika and Sayori share their support at my thought, leaving both Natsuki and Yuri in silent thinking. Natsuki gets a slight blush before speaking out her thoughts "W-Well… I have to do it isn't it?" Both me, Sayori and Monika get hopeful expressions on our faces. "I-I agree with Mew! I think it's a good idea, and that we can somehow do a good job with this!" Both me and Monika thank Natsuki, with us focusing now on Yuri "W-Well…i-I guess I don't really have a choice… and I don't have counter-arguments to use so…." Sayori gets super pumped at the thought of her and Monika managing to get their idea through, something which amused Yuri.
Monika proceeds to get the ideas written on a paper sheet, getting written down some more ideas as we speak. Monika then proceeds to read out loud her poem, giving it a try at the performance idea as well as giving me a first listen to the poem I didn't get to read. I'll have to ask for a read so I can give it a bit more thought. We all applaud Monika's flawless performance as she finishes. She clearly is used to being the centre of attention, easily leading with the pressure of being under our attentive looks. That's probably from being so popular I think.
Suddenly Yuri catches me off guard by offering to read after Monika, to which Monika simply smiles and steps off stage to allow Yuri to take her place. I bet that made Monika happy and more relaxed with seeing Yuri more determined with the performance idea. She seems nervous in the beginning, but as she reads, it looks like her nervousness disappears. It's like how she is when reading when she gets absorbed on what she is reading, she doesn't have anything around her. It's just her and in this case, her poem. She reads flawlessly until finishing, befitting her amazing writing. Our applause really showed how she blew us with her performance. She gets kind of embarrassed, but as she takes back her seat, she seems happy with her job.
"Okay, my turn!" Sayori shouts, getting up right after and taking the stage with her poem in hand. As she faces us four, she gets embarrassed right away. Monika and I try to help her get more relaxed, eventually leading her to start her reading. Surprisingly Sayori gives us a very good read, something that makes me happy because she clearly shows how invested she is on the literature club. After our applause, I smile and congratulate Sayori after she joins the chair at my right again.
"Alright! Who is next? Natsuki" Monika asks, facing Natsuki who is at my right beside Sayori. She get's slightly blushed again and after looking at me, she takes her eyes away before answering Monika. "D-Don't make go before Mew…" I look at her not getting her point since I'm not going to run away so I don't perform. Natsuki continues before I can speak. "I-Its not that I can compare to you all… at least I can have Mew lower everyone's standards before I do it…"
A sudden thought comes to mind after hearing Natsuki. Does she have stage fright? It wouldn't be that off of character since Monika told me she isn't very confident although she tries to show otherwise, maybe that's what is happening here...
Monika is about to insist with Natsuki but I step up before she speaks "I-I don't really mind reading first. Here, I'll go…" I get off my seat, with Monika offering me the stage. I turn to the girls, taking a deep breath and shaking my free hand a bit to relax a bit from the pressure. Alright, just do it, improve as always, and it'll be fine… I start reading my poem, slowly, trying my best to it to come out properly. I manage to read well, maybe good even, which is more than enough to make me happy. Of course, the girls are great and offer me their applause for my effort, which I'll gladly take. "Sorry if I'm not as good as you lot, I'm just not used to reading my stuff hehe…" I rub the back of my head as I finish. Monika adds before I step out of the stage. "Don't worry much about it okay Mew? I think that your reading is really good, it didn't come out as good maybe because of your lack of confidence in your writing, you get what I'm saying?" I give it a thought before answering. "Actually I think you're right Monika. Thanks for that!" I smile, at which she replies back with a smile too.
"Alright, that just leaves you Natsuki!" "Y-Yeah, yeah, I'm going…" She gets to the stage, facing us right after. She looks at her poem. She looks at us. It is clear to me that my thought was correct, she has stage fright. She doesn't really do much, just stands there embarrassed without knowing what to do. "N-Natsuki…"She raises her eyes, facing me with a slight blush. "W-W-What?!" "Don't worry about it…" She looks at me as I'm saying something stupid. "That would be silly, dummy! How can I not worry if this is important?!" "You don't need to worry because you'll do great regardless of what you think about your poem being better or worse than ours. You can read properly, your poem is great, and I bet all of us liked to read it." I look at the girls beside me, who all agree with what I am saying. "And so would anyone that knows what proper writing and literature are. You'll do great, you just need to start reading and it will go from there."
Natsuki takes a moment, her blush fades from her face, as she faces me taking a proper thought about what I just said. She looks at her poem, takes a deep breath, and starts reading. All the girls and I get a clear happy expression after seeing Natsuki overcome her fear, as she gives a great performance. Our applause must have felt very earned for her, which is much deserved I might add. She huffs back to her seat after finishing. She looks at me before turning to take a seat, but I notice a slight smile on her face. She seems proud of herself.
"Alright, everyone! It's becoming a bit late, but we made huge progress in our plans for the festival! Both me and Sayori will be selecting ideas from the list we all made, and after that, we will be delivering tasks between the club so we can prepare most of the stuff we need to do on the weekend before the Winter Festival starts. I don't know on which day we will be performing and showing most of our work but I'll try to get to know that as soon as possible!" "Don't worry Monika, we will do great on the festival." As I try to assure Monika everything will be alright, I don't know that myself. But I'm sure gonna do my best to make this work. Monika smiles at me before Sayori speaks. "Mew is right!" "We're definitely going to do it!" Natsuki seems excited and I can't help but be happy for seeing everyone has motivated as me. "We will surely do a wonderful job!" Even Yuri shows her enthusiasm.
Monika just smiles, and her expression just puts an even bigger smile on our face. "I love to see all your excitement. We're going to do amazing I just know it! Don't forget your poems, everyone! After sharing, we will distribute tasks for the weekend!" All of us agree with Monika, putting an end to our club meeting.
I go get my bag from the table in front of the closet, where Natsuki is getting her's back. As I get mine back and as she puts hers behind her back, our eyes lock. She doesn't say a thing, neither do I. As a few seconds pass, she gets a slight blush, but to my surprise and maybe even to her surprise as well, she doesn't take her eyes off of mine...
"Mew!" I hear from behind me, as I turn to see Sayori skipping in my direction. "Ready to go?" As I hear Sayori, I'm taken back to reality. Monika is leaving the clubroom accompanied by Yuri, as Sayori awaits my answer. I try to calm my mind as I give Sayori her answer after being properly brought back. "Yep, I'm ready! I don't think I forgot anything." I smile at Sayori. "Alright! Bye Natsuki, see you tomorrow!" Sayori turns after Natsuki returned her goodbyes. I turn to Natsuki as our eyes lock yet again. "See you tomorrow..." "See you tomorrow..." She answered. As I turn and follow Sayori, I feel like a part of me stayed on the clubroom, with Natsuki...
We're outside, on our way home. Sayori walks beside me on our way home as usual.
It's only been a couple of days since Tuesday when I joined the club. But many things have changed in two days. I would probably get home on and play a video-game or catch up on my favourite anime, and I probably would have done the same on the weekend. And now my days are way longer, made brand new friends who I basically hang out every day with, I have a poem to make for tomorrow and a ton of stuff to do on the weekend to help out for the Festival. And, well, Natsuki... unbelievable what difference two days can make.
I'm spacing out too much, I should concentrate more. I look towards Sayori realizing she was spacing out herself.
"Hey, Sayori!" "H-Huh...?" Sayori looked at me confused, just to realize what happened after. "O-Oh! S-Sorry! I was spacing out!" "Don't worry, I kinda did too before I called you." "Oh really?! I didn't even notice!" Sayori gets her confused expression which amuses me and makes me chuckle. "Huh, Mew?" "Yeah, what's up?" "S-So... I was thinking. Like, If one day Natsuki asked to walk home with you..." She suddenly turns around as I get heated up that sudden thought. "What would you do?"
I quickly try to dodge the question, avoiding eye contact before answering. "W-What kind of question is that?" "Ehehe..." She laughs in a kind of weird way, but clearly not giving up from her question. This is so embarrassing... besides I wouldn't want to ditch "C-Come on Sayori! As if that was ever going to happen..." "That's a super awkward question to answer, how am I going to answer that?
"W-Well..." I try to calm down, taking a deep breath before continuing... She is my best friend, she deserves the truth... "I-I mean, I would be afraid of what she would do to me if I turned her down..." "Isn't she so cute and fun to have around?" I look at Natsuki with kind of a sarcastic expression. "She would probably kill me, Sayori!" "Oh, come on! She isn't that bad..." It's dumb that I'm in this situation, but Sayori is right. I didn't want to answer her but I don't have much choice, I just hope Sayori doesn't get I like Natsuki. She would probably worry too much... Sayori looks at me expectantly, I take a deep breath before answering. "I mean if she just asked me right before without a proper warning, I would go with you because we are both already compromised to go together. But if she warned me ahead of time, I mean, I don't know, maybe I would warn you beforehand and go with her if she asked me to..."
"You worry about me too much, you should accept if she invited you!" I get slightly blushed at Sayori's silliness "I don't worry too much, I worry what I worry! And besides, that will never happen so I don't know why we are talking about ifs..." I keep walking at the same speed we were going, but Sayori slows her pace before stopping. "Hehe, I just like to think about it. It's just a bit more time until you don't need me anymore..."
I stop as Sayori finishes. Did she just say that? I turn as Sayori looks at me. As our eyes meet, a slight blush pops on her face as if she got embarrassed at what she said. To be honest she should be because it would be silly to think that would actually ever happen. "Sayori..." She is really embarrassed, but I think she doesn't seem sure about it. She looks slightly down to my feet. I get closer to her, thinking about what to say. "Hey!..." I stop in front of her, placing my arm around her shoulder. I lower my face, something that makes her take her eyes off of the floor and focus on mine and hear what I'm saying. "Come on...you really think that would ever happen? You're my friend! My BEST friend! There is no one that could ever replace you! Never, ever!" She smiles at me. "I can have friends, I might one day get a girlfriend, but you're not going anywhere! I will always want you in my life. We've always known and been friends with each other, even after I left Japan to go back and live with my family we never stopped talking with each other. Even after... well, you know..." Sayori quickly hugs me, trying to take away the dark times hunting my mind. "Mew, don't think of it, please!" I keep going, focusing back on Sayori. "What I'm trying to say is, you always had my back. You always worried about me. Even after that, I got back to Japan and you helped me through such hard times. I'm always going to be there for you as long as you want me to. And I'm not going anywhere, regardless of how many friends I make." Now holding tears in her eyes, Sayori simply holds a smile in her face. "Mew..."
I clean the tears off of her face. "Feeling better now?" She gives me a big smile, getting back to normal self. "Great!" "Awesome!" "Hehe~" Sayori started skipping a bit in front of me. "Come on! I'm hungry! Let's get to my house quick!" "You're always hungry!" I hurry to catch her up while Sayori starts running. I start running to get to her.
We quickly get to Sayori's place. I stop waiting just a moment for Sayori, who arrives right after "Hehe~! I win!" "Huh?! How do you win? I got here first!" "You did..." She opens her front gate, closing it right after. "But the race was to my house!" "Oh, come on! Only you have the key!" "I know! Hehe~" Sayori gets to the door, simply opening it. "But you know I usually never remember to lock my door!~" As she says that, I remember she is right. I raise my hands in defeat. Sayori just chuckles in victory "Well, I'm going to eat! Thank you for making my company!" "Oh, don't start! You know I wasn't going anywhere without you." "I know! I'm just happy you always keep your promises." "Well, I got to go. I gotta go get some stuff for dinner and a poem to make!" "Hehe, that's what living alone means! Don't worry, you're not the only one!" "Hehe, I know, I know..." We eventually parted our ways, with me heading to the grocery store.
Time flows quickly as I get some stuff for my dinner, something I'm actually thankful for because today was a very, very long day. I quickly finish buying all I need for the house after getting some basic stuff for the house. As I leave, I'm about to start making my way back home when I look at my usual book store's entrance show window.
Wait!... Isn't today Thursday? The new issue of my manga came out yesterday! I completely forgot! With all the club hype and being all day busy, it didn't even come to my mind! I hold my groceries on my left hand, taking my wallet out of my right pocket with my free hand, checking my money as I open it. I have the money here, so I can take it now!
I feel myself smiling and get my wallet back on my pocket as I walk into the shop. I scan the shelves on both sides of the shop, looking for the new issue. I finally stumble across the book, from the opposite side of the shop. I cross the shop, ready to grab my new acquisition. As I am about to get take it with me, a familiar cover catches my eye. To its left side, there it was. An issue of The Parfait Girls, the same both Natsuki and I fell onto, getting it bent over as we did...
As I look at its cover, I second think about buying my book. It was my fault not warning Natsuki she would probably fall from the chair... I raise my hand, grabbing that 3rd volume of The Parfait Girls I was staring at... I don't like owing anything to anyone, but the fact is that I was owing that to her. And besides, I can just buy my book later...
I walk towards the exit. My groceries on my right arm now, along with Natsuki's book. It was wrapped, just like a gift. I just hope that even if she doesn't like me, she accepts this has a proper apology.
I get out of the shop taking my left to make my way home, but as I am lost in thought someone collides with me. I quickly take the person's hand, avoiding her to fall onto the floor. I quickly bow after getting balanced properly. "I-I'm sorry! I wasn't watching what I was doing..." "Y-Yeah, you can say that again you, big dummy!" That familiar insult caught my attention. "H-Huh...?"
I raise my head, facing the person I collided with. "A-At least you didn't let me fall like last time..." "N-Natsuki?!" There she was, again! Arms crossed, looking to the side, hair covering the side of her face, hiding a slight blush on her cheeks. "I-I'm sorry, Natsuki!" I go back to apologize. "Y-You already apologized, you don't need to keep going..." I rise back again. "What are you doing here?" "I-I usually go to the book store before going home..." "Oh, I guess that makes sense... Oh, wait!" I quickly remember, getting the poem I made for Natsuki from my bag.
I raise it in her direction, to which she even redder. "Here...I told you I would give it to you. It's yours..." Natsuki stands still while switching her look between me and my poem. Her deep blush still present in her face, something I have been having trouble to believe it's actually there. From the blushes she keeps getting, at least I'm sure now I'm not indifferent to her. Natsuki raises her arm, accepting my poem in her hands.
I get her book from my right hand, making her eyes open properly before she could say something about the poem. "Hehe, I knew you would like my manga!" Her grin is really telling, she is really proud of herself for that. "Ahah, yeah, I have to admit! You were right!" "Hehe, already getting the chapter after the one you took today? You're counting on getting a lot of reading in today, aren't you?" A smile pops in my face. "Hehe, I was thinking about it! But actually..."
I raise it towards her "This one is yours..." "W-WHAT..." She gets a bit troubled trying to assimilate what I was doing... "W-What are you doing? Why?!" "You were right, it was my fault I didn't call you out properly before you got on the chair. I am sorry for that and for what happened to your book..." "B-But...you...really didn't. I-It was my fault, not yours..." "I should have made you understand that you could have hurt yourself, and although you didn't, it could have happened. I want you to have it. Please accept it..."
Her eyes stay steady, but this time, fixed on mine. Her blush probably has never been this deep. As our eyes are fixed on one another, I feel like everything around us isn't moving at all. It's solely the both of us. For that moment, just Natsuki and I. Again, she raises her hand, taking the book from mine. She opens the book, placing my poem inside it, right next to the book's marker. She gets it close to her chest. "T-Thank you..." Her genuine gratitude is really telling. "You're welcome..."
I get past her, starting to leave. "W-Wait!" My eyes get wide open, as I turn to face her once again. She is still facing the book store's entrance, not for long though. She turns right after, facing me with a determined look in her face. The silence between us Is palpable until eventually, she breaks it. "...did you mean it?" "Huh?" "T-The poem..." I get it now. She feels the need to hear it from my mouth, not just from the poem. "...did you?"
"I meant every word of it." She keeps listening to me, her deep blush always present. "I was very nervous, but I'm glad I shared it with you first. It is meant for you. Ever since I met you, you always caught my attention. And ever since, I've always come to notice that we have all these hobbies in common. I understand why you like manga as much as I do. I love cooking just like you, although you're much more into baking and sweet stuff than I. And..." I hold myself from calling her cute because I imagine she probably wouldn't find that wording much fun. "...I've always been a bit blown off by the fact that I find you so attractive, that even though I kind of think you're out of my league... I still want to be with you, more than just a friend..."
She heard every word I spoke, taking them as lightly as she could, not to interrupt me. As I finish, I notice her judgment on her head. I'm not sure if she is debating what to say, or what to think about all this. She eventually, once again, breaks the silence between us. "...I want to do something, with you I mean..." I get a bit confused with her approach, but before talking I let her finish. "If you agree, I would like us to do something together..." "And what would that be?" "I-I want us both to make poems, for each other. Like, placing all the feelings we have for one another, put them onto a poem then exchange them..."
I process her thinking. She isn't telling me right now, but she said: "feelings we have...". I knew I wasn't indifferent to her, but now I have confirmation. "...alright. It's set then. I'll make a poem entirely focused on my feelings for you." "And I'll do exactly the same... now, I'm sorry. But it's getting late. I have to get going..." "Don't worry, I don't mind at all." Her eyes never avoided mine during our talk, neither did mine from hers. She quickly adds. "Thanks, I'll talk to you later..." I finished before she left. "I'll be waiting. And thank you..."
The way home was long, full of thought. It was night already, but I didn't care what time it was. I didn't care for anything during that walk. Everything felt right, and nothing could take that off of me at that moment. I knew it for sure now... it wasn't just me. Natsuki has feelings for me too... just hope those correspond to mine...