A time of secrets and hidings begins. Every now and then Dean and Castiel can catch a stolen moment, a minute of tenderness and forbidden touches. It is difficult and it takes its toll on both of them. Castiel is scared that somehow Meg learns about them and he takes even more anti-acid meds. He thanks god for their separate bedrooms. His nights are spend with dreams of Dean. Vivid dreams. Dreams, that often lead to eager jerk-off sessions. When Meg demands sex, he thinks about Dean. He remembers the wicked swirl of Dean's tongue around his cockhead, the languid kisses, Dean's touches, hot on his skin and he can keep his wife satisfied. Meg is pleasantly surprised. "Never knew you had that much stamina. I'm keeping you, pet." Her nails break his skin and he dreams of green eyes and tenderness. He wants to scream in frustration, he wants Dean, he wants...
Sometimes, they meet in the library, just to talk, to see each other, to steal a kiss or two.
When Castiel is with Dean, he feels confident. Safe. Loved.
Dean is impatient. He wants more, so much more. He wants Cas all for himself, everyday. He hates the thought of Meg, touching what is his. He wants to fall asleep next to Castiel and he wants to wake up with him. He dreams of lazy evenings on the sofa, snuggling with Cas. He imagines himself in his kitchen, baking cookies with Grace and Cas, the room filled with warmth and the scent of baking goods and laughter and love. He can't wait to have all this and sometimes he snaps at people and sometimes he's bitchy and unhappy, but when he manages to sneak out and meet Cas, all his worries disappear and he smiles at the dark-haired man and his chest wants to burst because of all the love he feels.
Seldom they text, it's too dangerous, Meg could take his phone and look it up. But sometimes it's their only possibility to talk. Even the smallest text makes Castiel feel warm and happy. He hates that he has to delete all the messages.
Dean downright laughs, when Cas confesses, he still owns his old walkman and still uses it when he goes on a run. But the next time, they meet, Dean gives Cas a mixtape with his favorite songs. And everytime, Cas listens to Dean's music, he smiles.
Grace sees it one afternoon. Castiel couldn't restist the temptation, he had a shitty day and hadn't seen Dean for days and feels like crying while preparing dinner, so he snatches his walkman and listens. And smiles. And starts to dance. And Grace sees it, sees him and laughs. He's startled and takes off the headphones. "What are you listeining to?" she asks.
"Classic rock."
"Let me hear", she demands and the father offers the headphones to his daughter.
Her head bobs in tact with the music. "I like it", she says.
Cas can't say why, but he is glad.
"Where did you find this?"
"Ahm...a friend gave it to me."
"I like this friend."
"Pardon?"
"I like him. His music makes you smile and dance." She takes a cookie from the cookie-jar and leaves the kitchen.
Weeks pass and one day Meg announces, she has to take a break from work and family. She books a long weekend in an expensive spa.
Grace wants to spend said weekend with her aunt and cousins.
And Castiel is free...for the weekend.
With shaking hands he texts Dean.
Dean's head is spinning. An entire weekend with Castiel. They can be together...for an entire weekend. They can pretend to be together. Like together together. Like a couple, a real couple. Dean wants to make their time together perfect, he wants to woo Castiel, make him forget everything but Dean, the selfish part of him wants to take Castiel and drive away with him in his Baby and never look back and forget about everything else but the two of them.
A man can dream, can't he?
He'll take Castiel to a romantic bed and breakfast, he'll check them in as Mr and Mr Winchester, he'll order roses, strawberries and champagne, the whole nine yards and he'll need to buy a brand new bottle of Astroglide.
"I'm looking forward to it. Text you the details later. Love you."
There it is. It's the first time, he says it to Cas. Hell, the first time he says it to anyone besides family.
Castiel is stunned, tears burn in his eyes. Dean loves him. He loves him. Him, plain and boring Castiel, the libarian with the ulcer. This utterly beautiful man with the enchanting green eyes loves him. He hates that he has to delete this text. He hates his live and his wife and the burning inside his guts and he wants to take Grace and run to Dean and never look back.
Maybe Sam could help. After all, he's a lawyer himself. And he must be good, otherwise Crowley would have hired him. But Castiel doubts that Sam could be as unscrupulous as Meg. Hell, he doubts there would be anyone on earth as unscrupulous as his wife.
No, the risk of loosing Grace is too high.
And so Cas pops his anti-acid pills and smiles and acts and hides his feelings.
And feelings he has. He loves Dean. He might not know him for long, but that he knows for sure. He loves Dean Winchester.