Poison Ivy had spent her Valentine's Day slaving over the antidote to her serum, and she had just finished testing it that evening when there was a knock on her door. "I've just finished it now, J…" she began, throwing open the door, but it wasn't the Joker who stood there. It was Two-Face.
"Oh…Harvey…you're back," she stammered.
"Yeah…you were expecting J?" asked Two-Face, puzzled. "On Valentine's Day?"
"It's a long story, trust me," said Ivy. "But not what you think. Come in – I just need to call Harley and J so they can pick this up, and then we can go out somewhere for dinner and I'll tell you all about it."
"Could we…stay in?" he asked, slowly. "I'm sorry, I'm just…not in the mood to deal with crowds of people, and everywhere's gonna be packed for Valentine's Day."
"Yeah, we can do that if you want," said Ivy, nodding as she dialed a number. "We'll get pizza or something, but it needs to be that gluten free dough and no tomatoes. Hi, J, the antidote's ready," she said into the phone. "Can you swing by and pick it up? Ok, great, see you soon," she said, hanging up. "He and Harley are apparently around anyway – said they had to beat someone nearby. It's been a weird Valentine's Day for everyone, me especially," she sighed. "I've been working nonstop since this morning – I probably look like hell."
"You look beautiful," said Two-Face, sincerely. "You always look beautiful, especially when you've been working with your plants. They make you happy, and that's what makes you beautiful."
"You're sweet, Harvey," said Ivy, smiling. She kissed him. "I'm glad you came back. I don't like admitting it, but I did miss you. Spending tonight with anybody else…it just wouldn't have been the same. That's why I invented this serum in the first place, in fact," she said, picking it up. "I thought I could make a guy like you where it counts. But…that's not the only thing that counts, obviously. And even with this, I wasn't that excited about going out with someone else tonight. Maybe I'm getting older and wiser, but for some reason I prefer the old, comfortable, familiar pattern that we have to anything new and different and exciting."
"Thanks…I think?" said Two-Face, slowly.
"Yeah, that didn't come out right," sighed Ivy. "I'm just trying to say that I'm glad you're here with me."
"I'm glad to be here," he agreed. "But…I shouldn't be. I disobeyed the coin twice. It told me not to come back here to you, but…I chose to." He forced a smile. "It's a weird feeling. I haven't chosen to do anything in a long time."
"Well, maybe you can choose to do me," murmured Ivy, kissing him as she settled herself on his lap. They were interrupted by the doorbell ringing.
"That'll be the clowns," said Ivy. "Don't freak out when you see Harley."
"Why would I…" began Two-Face, but he stopped talking when he saw Joker and Harley standing in the doorway. "Oh," he finished. "I see."
"Here you go, Harley – inject both breasts with this and they'll be back to normal by tomorrow," said Ivy, handing her a syringe.
"Aw, I hate shots," said Harley, frowning. "I only injected myself the first time because I was drunk and thought I wouldn't be able to feel it, but I was wrong."
"I'll do it, pooh," said Joker, taking the syringe. "I know how much you love pain from your Mr. J."
"Mmm, I do, puddin'," giggled Harley. "How about we go back home, and we can play dirty patient and naughty doctor, and you can give me the injection then?"
"Really? You're in the mood again?" sighed Joker. "Haven't you had enough for one Valentine's Day, Harley?"
"Well, we did get to beat Jack Ryder – how did you think that was gonna affect me?" demanded Harley. "Don't start the violence if you can't handle the results, puddin'."
"I guess that's fair," sighed Joker. "Who could have guessed that violent behavior would have horrible consequences? You learn something new every day, I guess. Catch you later, Weed Lady. Harvey, you're back!" he said, just noticing him. "Harley said you were out of town."
"I was," said Two-Face, nodding. "I came back to spend the evening with Pam."
"Aw, that's sweet," said Harley, smiling at them. "I think you two are a really good couple."
"We're not a couple," snapped Ivy.
"And you thinking we're a good one is not helping," agreed Two-Face.
"Why not?" demanded Harley. "I was just saying to Mr. J how strong and solid our relationship is, so I think I'm a pretty good judge of what makes a good couple."
"Yeah…you keep thinking that, Harley," said Ivy, slowly. "See you both later – happy Valentine's Day," she said, shutting the door on them. "Now where were we?" she asked, turning to Two-Face.
"I think I was about to choose to do you," he replied, smiling as he embraced her.
"You know, you should probably talk to Dr. Leland about your breakthrough at some point," said Ivy. "I think it's a really big step, and I'm really proud of you, Harvey."
"You are?" he asked, hopefully.
"Well, I will be if you choose me," she replied, smiling at him. "What's it gonna be, Valentine?"
Two-Face took his coin out of his pocket and flipped it. "Bad side," he murmured. "It means no, I shouldn't do this."
"But?" asked Ivy, cocking her head to one side.
"But…to hell with it," he said, embracing her again.
"Good boy," she said, beaming. "Now before we head to the bedroom, let's put the pizza order in. You want pepperoni or sausage?"
Two-Face looked at her, and then flipped the coin again. "Bad side is sausage," he said as the coin landed bad side up.
"Yeah, but I think I prefer pepperoni," she said.
"But the coin says sausage," said Two-Face, holding it out to her. "So let's have that."
"You'll disobey the coin for me, but not when it comes to pizza toppings?" asked Ivy.
"I guess that's how this works," said Two-Face, nodding. "Hey, at least it's progress."
"I guess," sighed Ivy, kissing him. "Baby steps, Harvey. Baby steps."
The End