Chapter 14: Closure

"Sometimes we shut the door on things
we love because we know.
We know, if it was meant to be, if it was right,
they wouldn't be on the other side."

-JmStorm

Inuyasha didn't want to move. Every nerve, every pore, every single cell in his body was perfectly contented to just rest in the comfort he'd awoken to a little while longer.

It'd been like this every morning since they'd gotten snowed in at Sesshomaru's weeks ago, this seemingly endless feeling of serenity draped over them like a lightweight sheet that would shatter as if it were made of the most fragile glass the moment one of them threw back the covers and stepped away from the other. He wasn't sure if it was the knowledge of who he was so intimately draped over, if it was the now familiar twisting of their scents with the heady spice of passion that permeated every fiber in that room, or if it was the sweet feeling of her smooth skin against his own, but Inuyasha had never felt such peace amidst such agony.

It had been enough, just that once, to taste of her skin and her sex and not want anything but the pride of bringing her to the peak of a previously insurmountable desire, to have her collapse around him in release, to hear her brokenly cry his name. But from the moment she'd taken it upon herself to see to his own needs, Inuyasha had been battling with himself, his hanyou self, to take her, really take her, even as she labored over bringing him the same bliss he had just brought her, even as his demon was contentedly growling in his mind at the sight of her there, so tightly encasing him in her mouth in a way that screamed submission and appreciation. Kagome was giving him things he did not deserve, taking him places he should never be permitted to go with her, even if she didn't understand, would never truly understand what it did to him to see her, his Kagome, on her knees before him. It was an unprecedented need, one that only grew in strength as he continued to play with fire each moment he could secure alone with Kagome, one that also continued to confuse him beyond reason. How, in all honestly, could he want her like this, could he need her like this, and not be sure of what she was to him?

He was growing inpatient with himself on all fronts, so desperately desiring to hear his demon's consent to Kagome as his mate, needing his human to corroborate what he, the half demon, had already admitted to. But all he got in return was pressing reminders of what Kagome had looked like wrapped in the black satin sheets of his bed at the family estate, how his heart had stuttered when she'd told him she loved him for the first time in days one morning, even if he knew it might not be the way he loved her. He had plans, so many plans, running through his head, thoughts on buying homes and ending apartment leases early, thoughts on a retreat to Costa Maya after the beginning of the New Year, wanting more than anything to just put her on a plane and kiss her like it was the last time they would kiss in every city she wanted to travel to in the world. His mind was swirling with how to woo her, his half demon wondering what it would take to claim her heart forever.

Kagome stirring brought his mind away from the same train of thought he'd be on for weeks, even throughout the Christmas festivities and helping Kagome leave her job on a high note, his lawyer managing to secure her a letter of recommendation and a substantial settlement just days before she would have had to leave for a month. But it only lasted a moment before the tell-tale mark of his love bites along her chest made their way into his vision. He'd give her another, he decided, before she left for Tokyo. Right on the inside of her thigh.

Inuyasha was still not sure, despite his being irreversibly in love with the young woman that was rolling over towards him, if she was his one. He wanted her to be. There was nothing he wanted more than to wake up every morning like this, to see his mate mark on her, to smell his own scent become one with hers, to feel his soul interwoven with hers in the height of their physical love. He didn't care about a ring, or a wedding or a certificate that said what she was to him, all he wanted was her.

"Morning," it was sleep drenched and punctuated with a soft brush of her lips to his cheek. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long," he whispered it as he pushed some of the hair back behind her ear before trailing his hand down her arm and pulling her closer to him by her waist. "What time are you leaving today?"

It was a few days before New Year's, and Kagome had already bought train tickets to Tokyo for today. Inuyasha was reluctant for her to leave, especially because she was debating spending a few weeks at the shrine. He'd quietly booked a hotel not too far from the property for the next couple of days, having not told Kagome about it yet. He'd only use the room if shit hit the fan today at his meeting and his concerns were made tangible.

Berlin wasn't holding steady anymore. He had been working frantically for two weeks now to help the branch regain its foothold from where he was in Kyoto, but all he'd been able to do was keep it from getting worse. The person who had taken over for him had quit unexpectedly after a loved one had passed, which he found to be absolutely understandable. He'd written the young man a nice letter of recommendation and helped him find placement in a company not too far from where his family was. The instability in the face of lacking leadership was causing the productivity to drop. If this had happened a year ago, he would have already been on a flight to work there until he found someone to fill the position and train them. It would take him two months, which compared to what he'd just spent without Kagome was nothing, theoretically.

But now it felt like everything.

A week he could do, two weeks max if he knew they'd have several days to themselves as soon as he was back. But after the better part of the last month having been spent in her arms and lathered in her scent, Inuyasha didn't have the strength to even tell her it was a possibility. He wanted certainty, and when he got it, he would be heading to Tokyo to spend as much time with her over the next few days as he could manage before he had to fly out.

Selfishly, he wanted to offer her a position with him. But Inuyasha loved Kagome too much to insult her like that. It would be like paying her for her time, in a way, with him. He wouldn't be taking her because of his thoughts on her intelligence and what she could add to their company, he would be taking her because he wanted to feel her legs tangle with his own just like they were doing right now, the soft silkiness of her inner thighs making him want to take her back to the shower where they'd ended things the night before. She was as intelligent as she was addictive, but Kagome deserved more than Inuyasha dropping a meaningless title after her name for the sake of what was steadily becoming more and more raucous foreplay rather than a means to an end.

"Noon," Kagome's arms snaked around his body as she placed a few kisses to his jaw. "What time is your meeting?" He craned his neck over her shoulder to see the clock, a frown setting on his features when he realized how late it already was.

"In an hour. Which means I really should get up." He really should, but instead of getting up, he was rolling onto his back and bringing Kagome's warm body with him, pulling her like a blanket to cover him. She straddled him, resting her chin on her arms as they draped across his chest and looked up at him. It was a dangerous position in their state of dress, dangerous because when her eyes were on him like that all he wanted was to get lost in the haze of morning love made.

"What do I have to do to keep you here?" Inuyasha could think a few things, but instead of speaking any of them, instead of starting any of them, he simply pulled her the rest of the way up to his body as he leaned against the headboard, tucking her head the crook of his neck as he traced his way up and down her spine.

"I could ask you the very same question." He felt her exhale against him, the sensation of it dizzying against his skin. She had only been awake for mere moments, but here they already were, steps away from him being late for work because of the thoughts her merely breathing was sending into his mind.

"You could come with me, you know. Aunt Hana isn't even letting me work, I'm just going to hang around a little and then go to the festivals." Inuyasha had toyed with the idea of going regardless of what happened at the meeting today, but Kagome needed time at the shrine with her family. Souta had said as much when he and his mother had come to dinner last week, and he was right. Kagome had faced a lot over the last few weeks, she needed the time to recuperate.

"I keep telling you, Kagome, we should not be alone in a room when there are little ears around to hear us. You're much too vocal for that." He nipped her earlobe with the words, satisfied when she squirmed against him almost imperceptibly at the contact. He was referring to her younger cousins, of course, Kagome had informed him that she would be sleeping at the shrine for the first few nights, and there were twin 8 year old girls who would most definitely hear them. Kagome was vocal, she was responsive, an active participant even when she could easily just allow him to be the only one putting forth any effort. It was distracting, to feel her hands on him when he was trying to focus so solely on her, but it was welcomed. Inuyasha had never had someone put his needs so far above their own because they genuinely wanted him to get off, not because they were told it was their duty to a man. All the women he'd met that hadn't been focused on him getting his had been too focused on a feeling they'd never felt before, most of them inexperienced and looking for guidance. But, it had been such a long time since he had been with anyone, and sexuality was changing. Women were no longer settling for letting a man have his way and then leave, the world widely recognizing sex as a basic necessity in Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, right there with shelter and food.

Was it wrong of him to be thankful towards Hiro? The man had been an idiot, but he'd taken good care of Kagome, even if Inuyasha hated to think of someone else touching her the way he was right now, his hands having come to tightly squeeze her bottom as he grazed his way down her neck with his fangs.

"You should take it as a compliment, you know. I used to be so very quiet before you."

"I can't imagine that." He couldn't. Intimacy with Kagome, to him, would always be broken moans and ricocheting echoes of his name.

"It's true. I felt it was too…unrealistic with Hiro." Inuyasha immediately barked a laugh at her words, pushing aside the comforter to roll them over and pin her to the bed.

"Haven't you ever been told, cheeky wench, not to bring up another man's name when you're in bed with your lover?" He punctuated his sentence with lingering kisses across her neck and chest, suddenly wondering if it would be so bad to go into work with wet hair.

"Is that what you are to me, Inuyasha, my lover? Doesn't that sound a little illicit?"

"I love you," he kissed his way down her stomach between his words, "and I think you love me. I am loving you right now." He punctuated that statement with a kiss to her inner thigh, bringing one of her legs up over his shoulder, pleased when Kagome's finger nails ran the length of his scalp when he started delivering the love bite he'd been thinking of there. "Does that not make us lovers? Besides, the minute I call you my woman I half expect you to kick me out of the bed."

"I do love you," Kagome used her grip on his head to pull him back up to her face, her hands only letting go and sliding down his body when she had securely wrapped her legs around his waist to keep him there, Inuyasha unable to stop the way his hips bucked the second her fingertips brushed against him. "And you can only call me your woman when I can call you my man."

"That's just too bad, then," his voice was already hoarse from her ministrations, his yokai fighting for control against the kotodama that rested around his ankle. "I am no man."

"Oh, I know," Kagome used her hold on him to flip them over, settling herself between his legs much like he had just tried to do with her, her breath hot on his sex as she looked up at him. "You are much, much more."

"Kami," he breathed the word when she'd finally lowered her mouth onto him with a twirl of her tongue. "You can call me whatever you want if you keep doing that." It was the last intelligible thing he said for a while, the walls in the apartment echoing first his own grunts and whispered affections before the shower ricocheted Kagome's amorous approval of his actions there. They'd washed after she'd come down, careful of each other's space and aware that any lingering touches would put them back where they just were and make him late.

She'd left him to get dressed after they brushed their teeth, choosing only to throw on a long cotton robe instead of actually getting clothes on herself, heading towards the kitchen to what he assumed to do was make coffee. She did, his typical thermos resting on the counter when he'd emerged from the bedroom while tightening up his tie, his glamour already on his ear. Kagome had been so kind to him this week, taking the time in the morning to make sure he had something to eat or drink on his way out of the door, today being no exception as a croissant was wrapped loosely in a napkin next to his coffee. It was because she had the time, now, to do such things, Kyo having offered her a job that wouldn't start until early February. She'd also packed him a lunch, to his surprise, and tossed it in a plain black lunch bag that he'd never seen before, which he grabbed with a kiss to her cheek and a "see you later, love," on his lips. He'd almost gotten out the door completely, luckily on time because he'd skipped breakfast entirely and was surviving on Kagome alone, before he realized this would potentially be the last time he saw her for a while.

She was leaning, calmly, against the kitchen island, sipping a cup of coffee and watching the news on the TV from there. She was gracefully haloed in the morning light, her hair damply curling around her face and shoulders, the thin, grey bathrobe she had on haphazardly tied at her waist. It was gaping open in the front, though it still covered the necessary parts, one of her legs bent out of the bottom where the two halves met adding to the entire appeal of her. He was on her before he knew it, sealing his mouth to hers in the most patient kiss he had given her in weeks, happy when she sighed into his mouth and lightly placed her hands on his own that were cupping her face.

"I love you, sweetheart." He pulled away just before saying the words, resting his forehead on her own. "Call me when you get in today? I'll miss you."

"Of course." She kissed him gently, then, before languidly following him to the door, cutely holding onto one of his hands as he walked through the threshold. "I'll miss you, too."

He knew, from his time overseas, that he was much more amorous than would be normal in his culture. Kagome had never used a pet name with him, something he brushed off, but he used them constantly with her. She never seemed bothered by it, which is why he kept doing it. She was his sweetheart, she was his love. Was he wrong for calling her thusly? Inuyasha never expected her to be anything but what she was, and she was nothing if not a surprise, something she proved just a moment after the thought graced his brain.

"I love you, koibito." It was a whisper, Inuyasha just in the hallway and having already dropped Kagome's hand in lieu of properly balancing out the items he had been carefully tucking into his work bag, giving up the minute she uttered the words. Instead, he let his free hand pull her out into the hallway, uncaring if anyone saw her in this state of dress at the moment, the weight of the door causing it to close behind her almost immediately when she was no longer holding it open. He took the opportunity to pin her to it the best he could with one hand, the air between them suddenly charged as his other hand carefully balanced his lunch bag and coffee cup as he leaned that forearm next to her head.

"Say it again." Kagome looked confused for only a moment, her eyes darting back and forth as she analyzed his features, understanding crossing over her face then.

"I said, 'I love you, koibi-'"

He didn't give her time to finish, his lips capturing hers as soon as she dared utter the endearment again, harsh and unforgiving as he promised her something he could not give her anytime soon, a precursor to an evening filled with nothing but body on body until they collapsed from the exhaustion. Moments like these, so filled with love and lust and the smooth brush of her tongue against his as he hoisted her up against the door, these moments pissed him off. He wanted nothing more, in that short 30 seconds, than to call off his meeting and take her back to bed properly, dammit. Especially as he ravaged her mouth with his own and ran his hand unforgivingly over the swell of her breast in that bathrobe, his thumb making quick work of swirling around the button there that drove her wild.

But he couldn't. The kotodama barely held him back now, and he hadn't had time amidst all this amour to seek out the proper help in finding something that would allow him to fully free himself and his woman to connect as closely as possible. He would find a way, he knew it. It was her keening whine that brought him out his stupor, unable to stop himself from pulling at her bottom lip with his teeth, satisfied with the little groan she gave at the sensation.

"That," he finally managed, pulling enough away from her to catch his bearings, "is how you keep me in bed, cheeky wench." He ran a few kisses up her neck, Kagome clearly struggling to catch her breath still if the heaving of her chest was any indication. "I'll see you soon." He punctuated his last statement with a kiss on her forehead, finally forcing himself out of the building with one last glance over his shoulder at her. She looked like she was frozen there, her hands resting on the door frame, her eyes glazed over as she watched him walk away.

That is how he would think of her, in the coming onslaught of the meeting, beautifully undone against her door and her eyes beginning him to come and unravel her the rest of the way.

His.

Kagome was exhausted.

Aunt Hana and her children had done a fine job in keeping up with the foot traffic the shrine was getting, allowing Kagome to meander around the property and keep an eye out for the two youngest of the three children. She wasn't exhausted from running after the twins, however, her two cousins proving to be incredibly patient and diligent in their work. They were kind to all of the people Kagome introduced them to, polite to the elders who had traveled there every single year of their lives. They were well taught, which allowed Kagome to maintain her composure as she reassured herself that she had made the correct decision in turning over her duties this year. She wasn't out of breath from chasing after rowdy children, wasn't overexerted from trying to get them to comply.

Kagome was exhausted because of Daichi.

He'd shown up the day before, on the true New Year's Day, right as she'd been leaving to meet up with some old friends at the festival. Daichi had, apparently, driven right from the family dinner to be there, having gotten express permission from not only his parents but Sesshomaru and Inuyasha as well, something that wasn't very like Daichi at all. It did, however, speak volumes about his respect for the situation.

It was nice to see Daichi again, but Kagome had restrained herself from asking about Inuyasha, her hanyou having just called her moments before to check in and make sure she was alright. He had things to do, Kagome knew, and he was trying to give her some time with her family. Besides, he probably assumed Daichi would demand her attention, and he did. He had thrown a rather strong wrench into her works, causing her to have to bring him along to the festivals after he'd changed into something more appropriate. Daichi had quicklly charmed her friends from high school, and most of the night was spent with the girls not so subtlety asking Kagome if they were involved and if they weren't would he be interested in them. Kagome hated it.

The only thing that kept her going was the knowledge that Inuyasha would be there the day after Daichi arrived, the few nights she'd spent without him having been excruciating.

But today was much worse. Kagome had stayed at the shrine for the last few nights, but Daichi's presence required her to find a more suitable solution. Her step father had a condo in the area, it was where her mother and brother were already staying, and she had called Kyo to make sure it was fine if Daichi joined them there. Kyo, as he was so consistently proving, was a fantastic step father and family man, only reminding Kagome to make sure it was okay with her mother and brother before he said yes. Souta had been rather enigmatic in his resounding offer to share his room with the quarter demon, and her mother had already put together a futon for him when they'd arrived. Kagome was trying not to seem curious about what the two had talked about all night, Souta and Daichi having both been awake when Kagome had finally gotten out of bed that morning, but part of her already knew it centered around Inuyasha. There were no two people that admired him more, she supposed.

"So, you're telling me this is the tree he was pinned to for 50 years?" He'd been staring at the tree for the better part of ten minutes, having already circled it twice. Kagome had tried to encourage Daichi to touch the tree, to feel the difference in the bark there, but his face had scrunched up when her hand had caressed the scar that Inuyasha's back had created.

"Yes, Daichi. For 50 years. If you look closely," she cut her eyes to him then, watching as he took a step nearer the tree, "you'll see the notch from the arrow in the center of the scar on the trunk."

"Woah." Kagome sighed, moving to sit on the steps of the well house while she waited for Daichi to ask whatever question was burning on his mind. "And the well?"

"In this building," Kagome used her thumb to indicate back over her shoulder to the well house, trying to make it feel like all of this wasn't a big deal for her, that it wasn't just a tad draining to explain it all again.

"Was it hard? Being surrounded by all of these constant reminders?" Kagome stared at the space in between his shoulder blades, trying to think of the right way to explain the experience.

"Yes and no. I grew up here, Daichi. Sure, I look at this tree of think of Yash immediately, but I also think of my father, kissing my knee from where I'd tripped on the steps and singing to me until I calmed down there in the roots. I think of my grandfather, who painstakingly removed all of the debris from the little bed of flowers there, of his kind words and weird habits. This is place is covered in history, but not all of it is as significant to the world as it is to me. This is my home." Daichi finally turned around at Kagome's words, seeming to be contemplating something.

"Did you ever think, growing up, that you would fall down that well and into another time?" He moved, then to sit next to Kagome on the steps.

"No, I always thought I would fall down the well and break something, honestly." It had been, after all, a constant reminder from all adults on the shrine grounds, a warning to not balance on the edge of the well like she and Souta had done for years and years while playing. Kagome watched as Daichi accepted her words. "Do you want to see it?"

Daichi standing and walking into the well house was her only answer, Kagome waiting just a minute longer before following in behind him, content to lean on the door instead of over the lip of the well like he was currently doing.

"How did it work?" He glanced back over at her for just a moment with the question.

"You jumped in. You either hit bottom or you traveled through time." Kagome shrugged with her words. It seemed fairly straightforward.

"I mean, what makes it work?" His voice carried in the depth of the well and he jumped a little at the reverb.

"It was made," Kagome began softly, moving down just a few steps to survey the room for the first time in almost a year, "from a limb that fell from the Goshiboku. It was called the Bone Eater's well because villagers would throw carcasses in the well and it would disintegrate them."

"So, the Goshinboku is what made the well a time portal?"

"Yes and no, I suppose. I have a theory about it. There was a time when Yash tried to keep me from crossing back, and I was able to see him through the Goshinboku, to hear him. I do think it has properties that helped create a portal through time. However, only the two of us could use it, and I think it was because of the jewel. It was fated to be destroyed back then, I'm assuming, so the sacred nature of the wood allowed for a portal to be open to facilitate that. I think I had a play in why the bones disappeared." Kagome stopped on the last step, moving to sit just like she had so many times just inside of the well house.

"How?" Daichi had turned around to sit on the edge of the well, his legs splayed out in front of him.

"For the first few years, I would come in here every day and blast this well with all of the strength I could muster, but it never opened." Kagome watched as Daichi kicked some of the dirt in the well house over his shoes. "I think it took that energy and used it to purify the bones."

"What if it had worked?" His eyes were boring into her, then, with an intensity she didn't expect from her lighthearted friend. Kagome maintained a fierce connection with him as they continued to speak.

"I would have immediately gone back."

"For Uncle?"

"And for me. And Shippo, and Sango, and Miroku."

"But mostly for him, for Uncle?"

"Yes," Kagome shrugged, finally breaking their prolonged eye contact. "I don't know why you keep pressing that issue."

"Do you think, and be honest with me Kagome, that you were meant to be with him then or now?" The question gave Kagome pause.

Was Kagome supposed to be with the Inuyasha in the red haori, or was she supposed to be the Inuyasha with the briefcase? Kagome was confused. She had known, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that at 15 her place was 500 years in the past. And now, while she and Inuyasha were most decidedly involved, she still wasn't sure. They'd stopped talking about it, about their feelings, the minute he'd pulled her nightgown off weeks ago. Kagome knew how she felt, of course, but she wouldn't dare acknowledge it, especially not to him, not when it would ruin the amazing thing they had. And while he'd so easily said it to her a million and one times, Kagome wasn't sure if he meant it the way she thought she might. They had already addressed that they had a companionable love for one another, and while Kagome knew bringing in any form of sex twisted that and made her think there was more between them, what they'd already discussed at length tarnished it. They were friends who had once been in love and had decided they could never be in love again, that they would never grow beyond what they had. Kagome loved Inuyasha, deeply, and Inuyasha loved Kagome deeply, but was it romantic? Were they more than friends who loved each other and had developed a physical sort of relationship? Were they just friends with benefits and she got the raw end of the deal somehow?

A tingling in the air stopped Kagome's thought process dead.

"Do you feel that?" It was reflexive, the question, as electricity pulsed through the air around them, Kagome immediately on her feet and trying to sense where it came from.

"What? Don't avoid the question." Daichi seemed unfazed, if not a little perturbed, moving to stand instead of leaning on the well.

"Shippo! Get back here!"

The words echoed up the well, and Kagome was frozen to the spot, her eyes glued to Daichi as he turned back around to look down the shaft there. Kagome knew that voice, had just heard it mere hours ago over the phone, deepened by age and colored with humor instead of impatience.

"No! I'm telling you, I'm going to use the well to get to Kagome! I'm tired of living with you, Inuyasha!"

The well.

The well was open.

Kagome's knees were weak, but they held up as she moved next to Daichi, giving out only when she was at the well, dropping down to safely peer over the edge and make sure she wasn't imagining the little voice of Shippo. It was clear blue skies that met her gaze before she ripped herself back over the side of the well and pushed her back against it completely. She looked up, panicked as Daichi appeared to be smelling something before he plopped down next to her, seeming just as shaken.

"Shippo," his voice was softer, in that it was kind, the volume more audible as they apparently got closer to the well. "I miss her too."

"No, you don't! You big liar, you've been walking around like nothing has changed, like everyday is just another day, but it's not! I'm tired of living without Kagome! She belongs here, with us, not over there!" Kagome managed to clap her hand over her mouth then, swallowing the sob that had tried to escape, willing herself not to make a noise that the young Inuyasha could pick up. He sounded so sad, her little Shippo, so angrily sad.

"Kagome is my mate Shippo, how could you think I don't miss her? I love her. Kagome belongs here, with me. I can't make this well open, but I sure as hell can make the days go by faster until it does." Kagome closed her eyes to the onslaught of the emotion. This Inuyasha was sure, this Inuyasha knew what her role in his life was. Was it so wrong of her, for just a moment, to want to fulfill that?

Yes, it was. She was no longer that Kagome.

"Do you really think she'll come back to us, Inuyasha?"

"I know she will, runt. Kagome hasn't failed us yet."

The telltale sounds of Shippo crying was all that they could hear then, Kagome daring herself to open her eyes and peer over the edge of well to see the sky still shining back at them.

"Now's your chance, Kagome." It was Daichi, at her side, tugging at the sleeve of her jacket, his words barely audible. "You can go back, right now."

"No," it was immediate, the word on her lips, the answer to the question that was already forming in her mind. Should she jump over that ledge and put an end to the suffering she knew that Inuyasha was going to face? Put an end to Shippo's sadness and get to watch him grow up, become one less parent that he had to lose? Take up the mantle of mate and mother and lover and sister and friend?

No. She needed to close the portal, not travel through it. She was resolute in the decision.

"You've got to be kidding," it was a whisper again, "didn't you just tell me three weeks ago that you could never fall in love like that again? He's right there, Kagome, right through this well waiting for you. All you have to do is jump."

"I said no, Daichi." Kagome did not want to argue the specifics right now, too focused on how the hell she could close the well before one of them peered over it and saw it was open, caught the scent of her or Daichi or even, most damming, Inuyasha on her. She wore his scent like a perfume, according to Daichi, even days after they'd last touched.

"Un-fucking-believable."

"Shut up, he'll hear us!" Kagome hissed the words at him, focusing on the feeling of her powers on her finger tips as she placed them on the well's ledge, having just turned around to watch-hopefully- as the scene blinked out of existence.

"You're really doing this, you're really closing this door?"

"Yes." She focused then, sending her powers through the top of the well and down the sides, picturing as if it were a drawstring bag and her powers were merely pulling it closed. She was sweating, already, from the panic and the sheer exertion of having to use her powers for the first time in years, desperately wanting that blue sky to blink out of existence before someone caught a whiff of her scent. Inuyasha would always catch on to her tears, he always had, from much further away distances, and they were already freely streaming down her face. It wouldn't be much longer.

Kagome hated to do this. She wanted to go back, and love on her Shippo and be with that Inuyasha, but she couldn't. It was tearing her apart to make this choice, to end this chapter of her life once and for all, the ripping pain of it settling deep in her chest. But even if she stopped, even if she let go, even if she plunged herself over the lip of the well without so much as a backwards glace at Daichi, Kagome would never be happy. She'd spend years, waiting, watching, coaxing for Inuyasha to become the man she'd woken up to everyday for the majority of the last month. And it would never happen. Not if she didn't get the well closed, not if she was noticed by the young half demon before she could.

What would it be like, to set eyes on this Inuyasha again, the young, thin but muscular half demon in the fire rat with the billowing hair and the sword that was wider than he was? What would it do it her, now, to see him again, after having come to reconcile him with the man she had let into her home and her bed so carelessly? Would she even feel the same love for him? Should she chance it, call his name just as the portal began to close, just to see his face one last time?

She shouldn't, and she wouldn't. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that she had to make this decision, it wasn't fair that right now, as she debated with herself how to seal the well, if she could seal the well, all she could think of was the way Inuyasha had described the pain when he realized the well would never open again. It wasn't fair to him, that the one person he loved and trusted above all others was the one who would be responsible for all of his pain, could so easily end it before it started now. How would she look at him after this? How could she even stomach telling him? Part of her voiced that she shouldn't tell him, even as the guilt over the idea at her from the inside out. She would, one way or another, she had to. But, it wasn't fair to her, either. It wasn't fair because as soon as she'd heard the younger hanyou's voice, it didn't make her heart speed up or her body ache, didn't drive her to be next to him. How many years had she impatiently waited for this, how many decades would the Inuyasha across the well shaft wait after this moment for her? She could end it all, right now, be beside him, presumably, for the rest of her life and give him children to look after for the rest of his. It wasn't fair because all she could think of in that last second was the older Inuyasha's soft kisses and his not so soft kisses, of his deep laugh and his wide smile, of the way one canine hooked over his bottom lip when he'd smirk back at her over his shoulder.

It wasn't fair, because somewhere along the lines, Kagome had fallen in love with the Inuyasha who was over two hours away in Kyoto, and had grown beyond the Inuyasha who was just feet away from the other side of the well.

Her heart was breaking.

She hadn't been listening, she hadn't been paying attention, and all of a sudden Daichi was trying to pull her back down to hide on their side of the well, a quick glance towards him revealing fear and trepidation.

"Didn't you hear them? He's going to check the well, Kagome." Sure enough, as soon Kagome glanced back over the edge, she saw the familiar wafting mass of silver hair caught in wind cross the top of the well on the other side, clawed hands wrapping around the edge of lip there. The pressure in her chest was almost impossible to tolerate, Kagome simultaneously wanting to wait just a moment longer while also knowing she'd ruin everything if she did. Instead, she took the pain and channeled it into her focus, suddenly pushing more of her power into the well with no success. Instead, she was met with the familiar sleeve of the fire rat blowing over the side of the well, the tops of his pointy ears coming into her line of sight.

She was panicked and shot a burst of energy out that she didn't know she had in her, not missing the way Daichi clung to top of the well like a scared child, watching just as she was as the window seemed to finally start closing. More and more of Inuyasha was showing then, his torso leaning over the well as he looked back at Shippo, reassuring him that everything was just fine. The little fox hopped over Inuyasha's shoulder then, to land on the other side of the well, but Kagome wasn't looking at him. She was looking at Inuyasha.

Had he always looked that young back then? So young, smaller than her brother was right now in both height and breadth. He looked like…a young teenager, nothing like the man she knew, nothing like someone she should be having dirty dreams of and desiring the most intimate of moments with. It made her feel sick, then, realizing that at 18 she had been thinking of someone who was so clearly too young to be her partner. Is that how Inuyasha would have felt to find her, when she was 15, disgusted with himself once he realized just how young she really was? It only served to strengthen her resolve to close the well, watching as the sides of the opening closed more and more. When would he be old enough, when would it be appropriate? Not in her lifetime, not if she went back. Kagome, at her age, was too old for him. He was, physically, a 15-year-old, and he would remain a 15-year-old for at least another one hundred years from what he'd told her about his aging process. She was nearly 23, even if she still maintained an incredibly young air about her, there was no mistaking that she was a woman and not a girl. Inuyasha had been the one to explain it to her, when she'd asked, had been the one to reveal that he was not so bothered with their age gap because he, and anyone else who bothered looking, could easily identify that she was old enough to be with him, was clearly a woman in her own right.

The Inuyasha with the red fire rat and the billowing white hair would not know what to do with her, would not be able to recognize the old Kagome in her, would not understand why she'd been with other men and would be confused that she smelt so heavily of him now, no words on why she left the older Inuyasha would be enough to explain herself, because she had no reason to leave him. She was making the right decision.

She was lucky, the two demons caught in a conversation and not looking down at the steadily closing portal in the well, because she had not been putting in as much effort as she should have been. Daichi's pinch on her arm was the wake-up call, Kagome watching as Inuyasha's eyes finally started traveling down towards them just as she pushed herself a little harder and finally, thankfully, permanently, closed the portal before he'd turned his gaze on them completely. They would have seemed like just a flash of light, a trick of his eyes.

She collapsed against the well, panting, unable to catch her breath to properly sob but also unable to stop the endless stream of tears down her cheeks. Daichi, in his utter kindness, helped her settle more comfortably on the floor of the well house, forced her to wrap her arms around her legs and open her lungs more fully to stop hyperventilating. They sat like that for a while, Daichi also breathing erratically, until the both calmed down and were looking at the closed doors across from them.

"He looked so…young." It was Daichi who said it, Kagome lazily letting her head turn towards him once they'd both gotten a hold of themselves. "And to think, he'd already faced off with grandfather by then…"

"I know." It was all Kagome could muster, for the first time wondering how it was to watch Inuyasha on the battlefield years later as he grew into the sword his father had left and developed and unrivaled tactical mind. For the first time this century, Kagome wondered what her Inuyasha could do, how he could fight, just how deadly he would prove to be. It was oddly exciting, to know how dangerous her lover was. But it wasn't enough to bring her out of the darkness she had plunged herself into.

"Why did you do it, Kagome?" An eyebrow raise was her only question in return to him. "Why did you close the well?"

"I can't leave him, Daichi." She whispered it, aware that it wasn't the most adequate explanation for her actions, but her thoughts were swimming and leaving her grasping for the right words.

"You're leaving him there, though. How is it any different? Why are you ruining your chance of being happy, why give up your last shot?" Kagome closed her eyes, trying to organize herself.

"That wasn't my Inuyasha," it was barely audible, Kagome almost unable to believe the words herself, "I'm not that Inuyasha's Kagome."

Months ago, when she'd first set eyes on the Inuyasha she knew now, she had been put off because he was not hers, he was not the half demon she remembered and loved. He had suffered years of pain and loss and more pain and more loss, just to bring himself out of it to protect her. She hadn't known how to feel about it then, but now, as she was still reeling from the sight of the person she had held so dear to her heart, she was clear on her emotions. He was her Inuyasha, she just hadn't known it yet.

She would not leave Inuyasha, not again. He didn't have to want her, he didn't have to be in love with her, she just needed to be there for him. Kagome, if she was being honest, loved him enough for the both of them, wanted him, the adult, experienced, mature Inuyasha who had been so incredibly patient and kind and loving. No, she would not leave him alone in this world, would not give up the chance to know him, to love him, to share in a fraction of his life. And then there was the matter of her fox, who had suffered so long without her. Sure, she could go back in time and change it all, but they would still hurt. How would they feel, if Kagome was being realistic, if she traveled back into the past and died there, only for them to see her centuries later in Kyoto or Tokyo or who knows where and have the opportunity to know her again if they just stopped her from jumping through the well today? She would want to stop herself from going back, she would want to give them more time with her, a second chance, the opportunity to know Shippo's children and love them, to be here with her mother and brother as well.

She was giving it up, the chance to be with the Inuyasha who was so sure of who she was to him, who would undoubtedly still try to wed her and mate her and give her children. But was it such a price to pay, was it such a terrible thing to lose, in the face of losing everything she had now? She had grandchildren, in a way, a mother and brother who still needed her, a best friend who loved her endlessly, her sweet fox who was an amazing man and kind and loving even now, and she had him. Her Inuyasha. So, she would never get married, never have him as her mate, never carry his children, but it was only her that was suffering. He needed her, now, in a way, Shippo needed her, Souta needed her, her mother needed her. And in return for the sacrifice of what would have once been her happiness? She got Momoko, and Daichi, and Shippo, and Sakura and countless others. She would have her brother's children, when the time came, and Daichi's as well. Kagome would be here with her mother until the end, would have the chance to feel the affections of a father through Kyo's kindness and abounding love, would get to live each day knowing she was truly cherished and needed in the lives of those around her. For years, she had thought she left her true life 500 years in the past, but it was right here waiting for her the entire time.

That Inuyasha, the one on the other side of the well, she could not love him. Not anymore, not the way he needed or wanted or deserved. Kagome knew that they would put on the farce, would pretend she wasn't distant and always looking for more in him, that they would pretend to be happy. But she would make him miserable, would not be the girl he wanted or dreamed of, especially as her heart and mind and most likely her body would ache for the Inuyasha she had come to love here. Her place was no longer there.

"Is that your answer then?" Daichi's voice brought her out of her musings. "To the question I asked you earlier."

'Do you think, and be honest with me Kagome, that you were meant to be with him then or now?'

"I suppose it is." Kagome pulled herself up, then, dusted off her jeans and used the sleeves of her jacket to try and fix her makeup. "Don't say anything about this to Inuyasha. I'll tell him when I'm ready." A hand on her wrist stopped her from moving forward, Daichi's gold eyes peering up at her from where he sat on the dirt floor.

"Are you sure you made the right decision?" He was searching her for her resolution, was testing her, trying to find something in her and she was so tired of fighting her truths that she gave in and laid her emotions bare for her friend to know.

"I love him, I am in love with him." She whispered the words trying to convince Daichi of the steadfast truth she had been carrying and not yet been ready to acknowledge. "Even if we are never anything more than this, I did the right thing. I know it."

"Good." Daichi used his hold on her to leverage himself up off the floor, Kagome reflexively flexing her legs to act as a counter balance. "I won't say anything to him, but you should. Soon." Kagome nodded in response, walking the few steps up to the well house doors, opening them and pausing for just a moment, her eyes recognizing the familiar from of Inuyasha walking up the shrine steps with a bouquet of her mom's favorite flowers in his hand. She had forgotten he was coming to visit her today, in the face of it all, had forgotten that he had something important to tell her, but damn was he a sight for sore eyes. He was closer, so much closer, eyes taking in the sight of the Goshinboku before traveling over to her and lighting up.

This was it. This was the moment that she walked away from everything, that she closed the door and never looked back, that she stopped carrying the chip on her shoulder for someone who no longer existed. She was no longer struggling to allow herself to live in the wake of the proverbial death of all she had wanted and known. No, it was over now, for good this time. The second she moved away from the well house she would be leaving it all behind, stepping forward into a future with this man that was undecided and would probably remain undecided, but she didn't care. She had chosen him, she would always choose him, could never go back, could not unwrite his name from her heart.

Kagome didn't look back as she let got of the wellhouse frame.

She would never forget the way he'd kissed her so tenderly when she went to him, then, the way he wrapped her up in his arms and spun her around, the way he was only one thing in that moment.

Hers.

A/N:

OKAY I ADMIT IT I'M A LIAR AND I COULDN'T STOP WRITING THIS. And then when it was done and I felt like I had fixed it the best that I could, I couldn't resist slapping it up here as a surprise update.

Sorry not sorry?

It's coming to close, now. Just a few more and we say goodbye to this world. I'm aiming for 17 chapters total and then, of course, an epilogue. It's hard to believe, for me, that I've actually somehow gotten here. I didn't know when I started writing this that my ending would be what it is going to be, but I do hope you all will enjoy it.

Side note, Japanese culture celebrates New Years the same time we do. I did a lot of research into that, and while I did not feel like writing a cutesy festival scene, the timing will come into play in the next chapter. And also, while I am so clearly American and call my hubs at least 20 different pet names, native Japanese speakers are actually not apt to call someone a pet name. In fact, it's most personal to be referred to by your given name and not your family name. While I felt totally comfortable writing Inuyasha being that way because of the way I've made him, something about Kagome using them with him unsettled me. Koibito means lover, and in my research, I thought it would be the only thing appropriate.

Until next time my friends,

K. Marjorie