Chapter 16: Kagome

"I love you as a half demon, Inuyasha."

"I'm going to stand by you, Inuyasha…"

"I want you to be happy. I want you to laugh a lot. I don't know what exactly
I'll be able to do for you, but I'll always be by your side."

"My meeting you was no coincidence… Will you let me stay?"

Kagome

"Alright, miss, I just need you to sign and date right…" the attendant at the shipping center flipped the form over and pointed to a line, "here and we will be more than happy to ship that for you." Kagome awkwardly tried to balance the box on her arm, reaching for the clipboard to hastily scribble what he'd asked for, but it was too long and unevenly weighted for her to do so effectively.

"Here," the young man said, "I can take that for you."

"Thanks," Kagome muttered, exchanging the box for the form and making quick work of signing her name. "You'll have to remind me- what's today's date?"

"February first."

Kagome stilled for a second, eyes wide as she realized what that implied.

One year ago, she would have married Hiro. It had been a year. A full year.

Oh, the irony, she thought sardonically to herself.

"Thank you again," Kagome said, a fake smile plastered on her face, scribbling down the date and handing the clipboard back over to the man. "How long until it's delivered?"

"To France? International shipping takes some time, it has to go through customs. It's hard to say, really, especially with a something this weighty. A month, two maybe? We can arrange for you to be notified through email when it's been delivered." He shrugged, nonchalant with the information.

"No," Kagome decided, "that's alright. Have a good day!"

She took one last look at the white box before turning around and heading out of the door and back to Inuyasha's car. Kagome's car had been vandalized while she and Inuyasha had been staying in Tokyo. She'd left it parked at a parking lot near the train station, trusting it unthinkingly. She would have walked, honestly, if she hadn't been running a little late, and now she wished she hadn't danced around to the radio while she'd been packing. If she hadn't, she wouldn't have come home to her windows smashed in, her radio torn out of her dash, and cinderblocks in place of her tires.

She was grateful, for the first time, that she'd been the victim of the most recent occurrence in a string of vandalized vehicles, that she had an over protective half demon demanding she use his car until he'd gotten home. Inuyasha treasured privacy, and his car was no exception, dark black with impossibly dark window tint that kept anyone in the car from view. It meant that when she climbed into the driver's seat- locking the doors immediately, another Inuyasha rule- no one could see her panicked expression and watch her scarily laugh and cry at the same time as she laughed at the irony and cried at the closing of one more door.

Today would have been her one-year wedding anniversary, and she'd just shipped her wedding dress back to the little shop in Paris. She hadn't even realized, that was the kicker. It wasn't as if she'd decided to do it as a statement, it wasn't like she needed to feel some sort of closure anymore. She'd merely noticed the box in her closet when she'd gotten home-finally, once Kyo and the police were there to handle her car issue- and she'd decided it was time to get rid of it.

It was a gift from one the friends they had made in Paris during the summer they lived there, which had been the only thing stopping her from throwing it into the fire as soon as she decided she no longer felt the need to keep it. The girl-Claire, Kagome remembered- was, at the time, a struggling wedding dress designer and had gifted Kagome one of her more stunning creations when she and Hiro had gotten engaged after a night out in Paris. It was only right to send it back to the woman, just as she'd sent a few of his things, the handmade wooden box once she'd burned the photos from it, and a locket that was his mother's, to P.O. Box number listed on Hiro's website for mail. Neither had a return address listed on the package, nor had she left a note with them. It didn't matter if it got lost in the mail, in her opinion, it just mattered that they were gone. And, honestly, she couldn't fathom the idea that either individual would be contacting her.

She reached for her phone on the passenger seat, blindly, part of her obviously recognizing that what she wanted more than anything was to hear Inuyasha's voice. But she stopped herself short once the sleek metal of her case brushed against her fingers, realizing what that would do. More harm than good, if she were being honest with herself. He was busy, but he'd answer the phone or call her back almost immediately if he missed it, and even if she was really okay, any one sniffle would be enough for him to stop whatever he had going on and head back to her. And she was okay, really, she was. This was the best she had been in a long time, but it was like the beast of her almost marriage was rearing its ugly head one last time before dying a permanent death.

He'd threatened her a couple of times with that, flying back to handle something that she was struggling with. Sesshomaru had seen to it that one of the company jets was kept in Berlin while Inuyasha was there. Kagome had looked it up, the jet, once she'd seen it in person, curious as to how it differed from a regular plane. While she didn't pretend to understand much about that sort of thing, she did grasp that it was one of the only jets that could travel the distance between Berlin and Japan, and that it could fly into almost any airport. It was a faster trip, roughly half the time at 8 to 11 hours instead of the 16 and 20 his last flights had been, and while Kagome knew he was fine with commercial travel, the inside of the jet did allow more comfort and more productivity. It'd be like working from home, the flight, and he'd lose almost no productive time if he used it.

It didn't escape her that Sesshomaru had casually mentioned, at the airport, that the company had a second jet in Kyoto before looking at her with an eyebrow raised. She got the message, noticed the look he'd sent Inuyasha before he'd excused himself and Rin so that they were alone. That fact replayed in her mind as she considered doing something about the aching emptiness in her chest for the first time since she'd been home. She hadn't predicted how different her life would be, now, after they'd taken the official step towards something. Her apartment-their apartment, technically, she reminded herself- was cold, quiet, not nearly as much as a haven as it had been before. Her days were longer, somehow and she ended each night with the lonely echo of lamp clicking off instead of the warm body next to her whispering a "good night." Nor did she wake to the soft kisses across her bare shoulders and the meaningful "good morning, sweetheart," that she'd grown used to. It pained her to remember it, weeks having gone by without him right there with her, and she sucked in a breath of air that staved off a fresh wave of tears that she knew would not abate with her thinking of Inuyasha's arms around her.

Pulling herself together, Kagome fixed her makeup before backing out of the parking space and steering the car back towards the main road, determined to see out the rest of her day. She had somewhere to be, and she didn't want to be late, but that didn't stop her mind from wandering as she drove.

What would have happened, if she had done what Inuyasha had wanted? What would they be doing if she'd given up her chance at a job with Kyo and a career of her own making? She'd be happier, for one, much happier, and much lazier. Kagome doubted, if she was being honest, that she'd be doing anything productive, or that her settling into traveling wherever with him would be the right thing to have done anyway. Kagome knew Inuyasha, better than she'd ever known anyone, and while she would blindly follow him anywhere, things were still incredibly new. If she didn't…Kagome didn't want to set them up to just be…whatever "together" meant at this moment.

Maybe, one day, she'd want more, and some part of her, probably the part that sounded most like her mother, reminded her that she needed to respect her own worth if she ever wanted anyone else to. Granted, there was another part of her, the one that still sounded like 15-year-old Kagome, that reiterated that none of that really mattered, honestly, if she got to be with Inuyasha in the end. But right now, she had no assurances that things would ever be more than they are, and she could not take the chance with her heart. Not even when he had as clear as he could be about his feelings for her.

He hadn't said it, though, and she needed him to before she would allow herself to create other dreams and plans for her future.

However, while she hadn't exactly turned down the position with Kyo, when he'd found out about her settlement's actual amount he'd rather brusquely reminded her that he would work with her schedule if she wanted to go grad school while she had the time and money. It was a suggestion that was more like a father's expectation, and she found herself reviewing accounts from the comfort of wherever she wanted to be eight hours a day every week day since last Wednesday. She wasn't enrolled in courses until May, and they were admittedly also online, but Kagome wasn't really complaining about the flexibility.

She hadn't exactly told Inuyasha yet, but to be fair she'd only been working for about a week, not even really. The minute she made it known that it was possible for her to be there, she was half certain she'd find someone at her door to take her to the airport. She would tell him, sooner rather than later, she just needed time to…well, she needed time. Time with her family, time with his family, time to think about what she wanted, time to decide if she was ready to move on, really ready to move on, time to think over the way his hands had tightened on her hips and shoulders as he'd….

Kagome tried to ease her mind back onto the more neutral, and decidedly important topics, but it didn't work. All she saw was black hair bushing against tan shoulders, violet eyes filled with…something more than she would pretend to understand. Her mind had been right, if not a little modest, about being with Inuyasha in that way. His hands had been everywhere at once, as impossible as it had seemed. He was a patient lover, usually, giving and focused on her solely. But that night, he'd been insatiably amorous with her, taking just as much for himself as he was giving her, almost devouring her in his appetite even if every brush of his skin against hers was filled with an intense affection.

Kagome shivered at the memory.

Today was many things, but it did not need to be a pity party, and if she kept thinking of Inuyasha she'd have an actual problem on her hands. Staying was getting harder and harder every day, and even as she reapplied her mascara once she'd parked the car at her destination, she debated with herself over her decision again. She'd have to live with it, for at least the next month and a half. They could reevaluate once he was home again, once Kagome had had time to adjust to the changes in her life and to the truths there in.

She thought she no longer had the capacity to fall in love, and she had been wrong. Could she grow to expect more of Inuyasha than what they had? She hadn't thought she'd want a marriage, that she'd want a forever with someone, but it was Inuyasha. He had always been her forever, hadn't he? Even years after she'd forced herself to keep moving forward, her mind would eventually go back to the way he could make her entire being swell with love with the simplest of advances, her heart aching with his memory even as she prepared herself for a life with another.

She had thought, once, that when Hiro had broken it off with her, it was a sign. It was a sign that she was not made for this time, that she was not made for love in this age, that she had been far too in love with Inuyasha to ever feel that again. She'd shut herself off, completely, was prepared to spend the rest of her life alone. But it wasn't just Hiro's decision that hurt her. It was the loss of Inuyasha that had sealed her decision. She had mourned for Inuyasha again when she lost what she thought was her last chance at happiness in a marriage with Hiro, had longed for the simplicity of their relationship and how impossible it was to fight herself when it came to him. But when she'd met Inuyasha again, it'd been too easy to become consumed in the intricacies that came with untangling their pasts, easily overlooking the way his presence affected her.

Until it happened again, that is, until he'd somehow sown his way into her life with ever increasing strength. She couldn't go a day without talking to him, would find herself debating over the smell of something and how it would affect his nose, cooked meals that weren't too spicy when she knew he'd be over. In November, she had naively thought that that was the extent of it, that she would always be partial to him, interested in him, but unable to give him the part of her that had always belonged to him.

But she hadn't known, hadn't realized, that the true problem would rear its head when she woke every morning next to him, watched as he patiently played with Momo and unashamedly coddled her for everyone to see. Giving into a physical relationship had been easy but falling in love with him had been even easier. He was still Inuyasha, even with the nice clothes and the even temperament, and his entire being endeared her even 500 years after he'd first stolen her heart without her permission. But now, she had to ask herself the question, where was this going? What did she want? What did he want? He, too, had been adamant about not wanting more, at first, but on both of his last two human nights he had said things that indicated that he might.

Maybe the old saying was true, Kagome thought, maybe time healed all wounds. Even the ones you thought never would.

"Now that's a rock!" Daichi plucked it out of Kagome's hand like it was nothing, inspecting the engagement ring up close.

"It's just a diamond, Daichi." Kagome took it back, plopping it into the box as she and Daichi walked together to the jeweler. It'd been a couple of days since she'd gotten rid of the dress, and while she had been close to just throwing the rings out of the window, she'd realized she could probably get something for them and had been planning to hit up the jewelry store before grabbing sushi with Daichi and Shippo. Daichi had mixed up the time for lunch, so when she'd called him he was already just feet away from the place she'd picked out. It was on her way to the jewelry store, if she dropped back a block now rather than later, so she'd just met him on the way.

"Just a diamond? You were engaged to an art professor and you're saying that thing is 'just a diamond?' How the hell did he even afford this?" Daichi stuffed his hands in his pockets, the air still too crisp that February even to him.

"That's not something you ask someone. Besides, diamonds lost their appeal after Inuyasha could make them with just a wave of his sword. I always wanted something different." Kagome dropped the ring box back into her hand bag, taking hold of one of Daichi's arms to steer him around a corner and towards the shop.

"…You're spoiled by him." He'd muttered it, a reoccurring statement since Inuyasha had flown out of Tokyo. First it had been about the wine he'd left in her fridge (that maybe was actually a fair amount better than the one she usually drank). Then it was over the way she'd complained about her cast iron pan not holding it's seasoning properly, words she'd never used before Inuyasha had taught her what it meant and how to do it. Clearly, she hadn't learned right because in the two meals the perfectly nonstick surface he'd achieved in just one day was riddled with rust. So, Inuyasha had facetimed her ten times one day until she'd gotten it fixed on her own. Maybe she was, she didn't know, but it wasn't like Inuyasha had gone out to a field, thrown a bunch of adamant barrages and given all the shards to her, so she was confused how Daichi thought it applied in this instance.

Though, something told Kagome that if Daichi found out about the real innerworkings of their relationship, he'd be appalled. Just yesterday, Inuyasha had emailed her the jet information so she could arrange flights on her own, if she chose. He was being way too good about her not taking the opportunity to work from his apartment in Berlin, and Kagome had wondered if he wasn't plotting something. But, he was a bit clipped in the email, and he had gone far enough to link his calendar to hers, just so they'd both have an idea of the other's schedule.

Maybe, Kagome thought, a few days there wouldn't be a terrible idea. He was being so good, after all. And she was one more weekend away from adopting a cat just to have someone in the apartment with her.

"He never gave me any, Daichi. I'm just saying, I don't want a diamond that some little Ethiopian child potentially died trying to get when I have literally held chunks of diamonds in my hands larger than a banana made by that sword. No innocent child had to die for those." Kagome and Daichi came to a halt at the crosswalk, the former reaching for the button and stepping to the side to wait for the light to change.

"So, what I'm hearing is you only want a diamond from my uncle. Got it." Kagome pushed some wayward strands of hair behind her ear peering up at Daichi with a retort on her lips but coming up short when she realized he was staring at her ear. "What the hell is that?" She'd nearly forgotten it was there, having worn it since Inuyasha had given it to her. He'd had it made for her while they were in Tokyo, coordinating with Tensho who somehow had access to an extra fang of Inuyasha's. The cuff was ornate, beautiful scroll work laid in with words interspliced here and there. Kagome couldn't make out all of them, though she could clearly see his name on one part. It hid his scent on her, something that became more and more necessary as he'd walked around trying to hide eyes that were red even with the kotodama slung around his neck. He reassured her it was temporary, though the statement had Kagome wondering what would happen when it was no longer needed. Surreptitiously she reached a hand up to run over the fang where it was securely on her cartilage. "Take it off, Kagome, let me see that."

"I don't think you want me to." Kagome automatically wrapped her hand around her ear, wary of what Daichi's reaction might be. Instead of being angry, though, he pulled her away from the crowd to rest against an abandoned wall of a nearby shop.

"You slept with him, didn't you? This is his way of making sure that stays private…" Daichi studied her as if she were a puzzle. "But you aren't marked… You're not his mate?"

"…it was the new moon." It was easier than saying she had no idea, easier than admitting she hadn't been spending the better part of the last two weeks wondering the same thing. Was she his mate? Was she really that lucky, to have given up the life where she was just to gain it right back?

"And he didn't…after that, you guys stayed in Tokyo for a week, Kagome. He didn't try to…how is that even possible?" He sounded concerned, and Kagome knew why. It didn't look good for her, she knew that. If she was made for Inuyasha, how could he endure a night like the one they'd had and not want more?

Maybe it hadn't been the same for him, maybe he didn't feel a cosmic connection the moment they were one, but she did. It was something she'd been mulling over since then, trying to debate what was causing him to hold back. He should have been weak, he should have given into her advances afterwards, but he didn't. Inuyasha had woken her up each morning with soft caresses and even softer kisses, whispered words of love that he'd never have to say again if he just took her back to bed every chance he got the same way he had that first night. But he didn't, he carried a resolve that Kagome couldn't fathom, especially when she was so desperate for his touch again.

Kagome had thought she had known what making love was like, she'd thought she'd made love before, but she was wrong. What happened with Inuyasha…it was something completely different, an experience that squeezed her heart just to think back to. He had meant it, when he said over and over again, a marathon she'd been unprepared for. Regardless of the heartbreaking gentleness he had taken with her, the overpowering sweetness and unexplainably heavy emotion she didn't want to name in fear of getting her hopes up, it was still an unparalleled physical release that her body was making damn sure she never forgot.

Kagome chose to remain silent, eyes darting towards the crosswalk to see the crowd still waiting for the light to change.

"He's taking his time…he's being patient with you, like he has all the time in the world. It's almost like…he has intentions for you. Is that why you wanted to get rid of all this stuff? You don't want him to think you're holding onto this ex?" A mischievous smile lit his face then. "Should I start calling you aunt?" Kagome blushed, but she looked away, grateful for the sudden surge of traffic on the sidewalk to break up their conversation. She wouldn't let him get to her, wouldn't let it distract her from her task.

"Know what? I think I want to do this on my own. There's a coffee place right around the corner. Meet me there in thirty minutes?" Daichi looked at her skeptically but released the hold he had on her hands anyway, angling himself towards the flashing sign for the coffee shop.

"Alright. But I'm coming to find you if you take too long, okay?" Kagome nodded in agreement, waving him off before following the crowd across the street and making quick work of climbing up the few steps to the store front. It took her just a moment steel herself, to strengthen her determination as she questioned just what the hell she was doing in the first place.

"Hello, miss," it was a younger man who called to her as soon as she entered, a well-rehearsed smiled on his face, "what can I assist you with today?"

"I, uhm," Kagome pulled the ring box out from her purse, along with the certifications the store had provided for the diamonds, moving towards the counter where he was stationed. There was a couple in there, gazing at each other dreamily while the woman tried on engagement ring after engagement ring. She didn't want to be a storm cloud on their happy day, so she lowered her voice in an attempt to be discrete. "My ex-fiancé left me the rings, and I was hoping to see what I could trade them in for."

"Oh," he looked shocked, his eyes widening as he leaned over the counter to grab her proffered items, "miss, I'm so sorry to hear that. We would be more than happy to help. Please, feel free to look over our inventory while I check on this for you." Kagome nodded, turning to where she had seen some tennis bracelets and wondering which one her mother would like more. Looking down at the case, Kagome began to search for anything that caught her eye. Part of her wondered if she shouldn't get something for Inuyasha with it, thinking of him first always. Though, as she inspected the men's section she came to the conclusion that he had everything material that he wanted, and while he would probably appreciate anything she did for him, he could easily get something like this for himself. Besides, she was starting to consider if any of the watches would make a good gift for her dear friend instead. Their birthdays were coming up, after all.

A bell dinging caught Kagome's attention, and another young couple entered the store, quickly being helped by an older woman at the engagement ring counter the other couple had just left once they'd decided on the ring. Kagome looked back down at the tennis bracelets she'd circled back around to, trying not to listen in on their conversation but failing. It seemed that the woman had a taste for the more expensive rings, and while the man was trying to accommodate the best he could, Kagome could read from the corner of her eye that he was uncomfortable, and his fiancé was too.

They were young, early college maybe, but they looked so in love, and the woman was trying desperately to ask for something that looked like it cost less, even as her eyes kept going back to the rose gold ring she'd left on top of the case. It wasn't any of her business, so she focused her mind on the task at hand. She couldn't keep whatever she traded the rings for, it would be a bad omen, but that blue sapphire tennis bracelet would match the necklace her father had given her mom when she'd had Kagome. Nodding to herself, she decided on that, wondering if she'd have enough left over to get Souta one of the diving watches that had caught her eye at the other end of the counter.

"Miss?" Kagome darted her head up, ashamed she had been snuck up on. "This is the store credit we can offer you." He slid a paper over to her, and Kagome almost wanted to visibly balk at the figure. How had Hiro afforded this thing? Had it been a gift for more work he'd done? "What items can I show you?" Kagome was just about to ask for the few things she had been looking at before a conversation caught both her and the salesperson's attention.

"Sweetheart," it was the young man, the one who was buying a ring with his fiancé, the pet name immediately capturing her attention despite herself. "I don't want you to not tell me what you want because you're afraid I can't afford it. Let's see what you like, and try to find something within our budget that's similar, okay?" Kagome hated to eaves drop, she did, but everyone else in the store could tell they were uncomfortable, that there was some tension surrounding this purchase. It was then, as she considered the young man and woman from where she stood, that she realized what she wanted to do with that money.

"Give it to them," she spoke softly.

"I'm sorry, miss, I can't do that. If you were to, perhaps, buy something for them, I would be unable to stop you. However, if you wanted to transfer a balance, it is against our policy." Kagome eyed the young man before nodding, taking the piece of paper and crossing the distance to the couple.

"Excuse me," Kagome hated to interrupt them, she really did, but she wanted something good to come of her break up, if she were being honest. "I couldn't help but overhear, are you two newly engaged?"

"Yes, we are!" The girl beamed up at her, and Kagome instantly felt a connection with her. Had she been that blissfully happy before? She couldn't remember.

"That's wonderful, congratulations! Is this the ring you're looking at?" Kagome hated to be that way, she did, she felt she was being pushy, but it needed to happen. She scooped the ring off the counter and inspected it, noting the price tag and weighing that against the cost of wedding bands. It was maybe 2/3 of what Kagome had to spend, and she wondered how much they had for wedding bands. If Kagome needed to, she had the settlement to fall back on, her sudden gumption to give this couple a good start overpowering her heart.

"I don't think…It's really close to my dream ring, I suppose." She looked sheepish, and when Kagome turned back to the woman behind the counter, she was surprised to see the young man that had been helping her already there, whispering something to the woman. It took Kagome only a half of moment to slide her paper towards the woman there, who only nodded in understanding, a twinkle in her eye.

"It certainly is lovely, but is it your absolute favorite? If you had to decide, what ring do you like the best? I'll pick my own out and we can compare while your fiancé talks with this nice lady about a budget." At her cue, the older woman scooped up Kagome's paper and motioned for the young man to follow her back to a desk. The couple kissed a quick goodbye before Kagome was left alone with the younger girl.

"Are you sure this is such a good idea? We have such a limited budget…" She looked frightened, as if she would offend her beau somehow by wanting something he couldn't give her.

"It's fine. I'm certainly not leaving this store with whatever ring I choose, it's just some fun to help you handle your nerves. You like rose gold best? Look at this one, isn't it stunning?" Kagome looked up briefly to meet the young man's eye from where he was at the back of the store, having felt his gaze on her form. She nodded in greeting as he seemed to evaluate her, and Kagome realized that the attendants had filled him in on her purpose. Good, she surmised, turning her attention back to the young woman and trying to play along with the same game she'd started. It was only fair that Kagome paid this forward, and after only a few minutes she and the girl had both decided on the same ring. It was stunning, and when the lady returned with the fiancé, Kagome asked if they could take it out to try it on.

"it's simply lovely," Kagome decided, turning the ring about in her fingers and inspecting the tag. She could afford the price difference, she decided, suddenly understanding why Inuyasha almost threw a fit when she wouldn't let him buy her things from time to time. It was nice to do something for someone who otherwise could not afford it. She'd have to apologize with him for arguing about her rent later, and maybe she'd wait a month or two before switching the payments back to her account. "And I'm not even a diamond kind of girl. Here, Suki, why don't you try it on?" Kagome hadn't given herself the same luxury, and with good reason. No one wants a ring they've seen on someone else's fingers, no one would take a ring that they think another wants more. It's just being polite.

"Alright," she readily agreed, and Kagome handed it to her without pause, "but only for a moment. Is this my size?" Kagome only nodded with a warm smile, having noticed the same thing before pointing out the ring, a bit of a play on her part. They could leave with it that day, in just a few moments, honestly. "Oh wow," the younger girl sighed, staring dreamily at her finger, "Can't you just imagine wearing this every day?"

"No, but you can." Kagome reached into her purse for her credit card, sliding it over the expanse of the counter towards the sales clerk. Her bank card's daily spending limit was too low for her to use that directly, she realized, and selfishly she was wondering how many sky miles this purchase would get her. Maybe enough for the 16-hour flight to Berlin for her long weekend off.

"You're buying it?" Suki, to her credit, only looked put off for a moment, her opposite hand already moving to pull the ring off, but her fiancé stopping her movements gently with a shake of his head.

"Not for me." The older woman handed Kagome a receipt and she signed it, sliding the required documents to her new friends. "Please consider it a wedding gift."

"I thought you said…why would you do such a large gesture for someone you don't know?" Suki still looked confused, was twisting the ring around her finger as she contemplated Kagome.

"Because," Kagome leaned off the counter, straightening her coat and returning her card to her wallet, "I had the opportunity to take my misfortune and turn it in to something positive. Not often in life do the negatives turn into positives so easily, and I hope that if you are ever faced with a similar situation you take the chance."

"But why us?" It was the man who said it, clearly having been holding that question in for a while.

"You called her 'sweetheart.'"

"I'm just saying, Kagome, you have other options. You have no obligation to him, I want you to understand that."

It was deep blue eyes that met her over the small table, a cup of coffee in the tanned hand obscuring her view of his face for a moment as she considered his, surprisingly, unbiased words.

It had been a month and a half without Inuyasha, and he was due home in a few weeks tentatively. She'd spoken to him early that morning as he was going to bed, and he was debating staying for another month so he could be home for most of the summer. It had something to do with wanting to go on a cruise or something, but Kagome had been half asleep at the time and had just sleepy reiterated that it was whatever he wanted. She was missing him, dreadfully, but she kept telling herself distance made the heart grow fonder. And, if it looked like he was going to stay, she'd just fly out and see him. She owed him that much.

He had been hinting around, not so subtly, that he expected her to put forth an effort with him soon. First, he'd resent her the jet information, then he'd sent her information for a driving service he used in Berlin, and just last week she'd gotten a key to the home he'd bought in the mail. She'd started keeping Momo for Shippo and Sakura, which was her excuse for why she hadn't gone to Berlin yet, but she could easily make the time to go see him. She just thought it was a big step, using a private jet to fly and see a man who she realized she didn't have a proper title for. "Boyfriend," wasn't quite right, and "lover" implied that what they had was shallow.

Another part of her screamed liar, because the truth was she'd probably get there, fall into his bed and never want to leave again.

It wasn't like he hadn't flown home for both of the new moons since he'd been in Berlin officially, anyway. Kagome didn't want to call it an international booty call because that's not what it was, really, but it made her giggle to think of it that way. Though, when she'd said it to him, he'd taken the time to remind her just what a booty call would be like. But there were other things to remind her it was more than that. He'd stayed a few days both times, surprising her with dates and movie nights and even a couple's spa day. And he'd take her with him when he was in town to see the family, never going without her and always asking if they should take the time see her family together as well.

It had been Daichi who asked how their life would be different if they were married, drunkenly over dinner the night after Inuyasha had left.

Kagome was still coming up short weeks later.

"I know I'm not obligated, Kouga." Kagome sighed, stirring her tea absentmindedly. "But, I understand what you're saying. Sometimes I worry this is…just familiarity. Like ordering the same meal you usually do because you're scared you won't like something else. I, honestly, always worried that's what it was with him before, too. I was familiar because of Kikyo, you know?"

"I…no, it was never that before." Kouga shook his head back and forth with the words. "You were so different, it would impossible for him to look beyond those differences for the sake of Kikyo's memory. But, only you would be able to tell if it's different now."

"I think it is," Kagome whispered it, unsure of who was listening, worried about the nature of the truth she was about to reveal. "At least for me, it is. I sealed the well, so I could stay with him here. I could have gone back to him, but I chose to stay here. But I don't know about him…to be honest we really didn't talk about it much when we had the chance."

"I can tell," Kouga's nose wrinkled as he eyed the cuff that was clearly visible on her ear. She had done it on purpose, after agreeing to meet with him for breakfast that March morning. Inuyasha knew she was going, and she'd known the cuff's visibility would ease his apprehension. It eased hers, too.

"While I originally asked you here to somehow prevent that, I see I am too late. I don't…I made my distaste of Yash's marriage to Sophie very clear. I thought it was an insult to your memory, I thought he was going to end up ruining that girl's life and hurting himself in the process. I was right, of course. But I've just been worried about you, now. If I had just known, Kagome, that you were already born, I would have interfered and taken care of you long before you met Yash again."

"I don't look at it that way," Kagome mumbled into her tea. "It would have been an insult to me for him to stop living his life, to stop searching for happiness."

"I don't trust him with you," Kouga said it with a definitively fatherly warning tone, one she had just learned from Kyo.

"He will never hurt me, Kouga. You know that." Kagome maintained eye contact as she said it, not backing down.

"If you find out…" Kouga paused, looking around before dropping his voice lower. "If you are not his mate, I want you to come to us. Ayame and I will help you with whatever you need if you just let us."

"Thank you, I really appreciate it. But…I don't think that will happen." It was the first time Kagome had admitted it out loud, that she shared she thought with anyone, and she knew when Inuyasha found out he'd be a bit livid. If, she reminded herself, if he found out.

"…You think you're his mate?"

"It's different, for humans, right? It won't feel the same, I know that, but…it's always been Yash for me. If I were to have a mate, if I were to be destined to be with anyone, it would be him."

"Are you ready for that? Do you know…has he explained to you what happens after he knows and accepts it?"

"Rin did, and then Kari." In great detail, too, and now Kagome knew way too damn much about Sesshomaru. Though, Kari had been much gentler about the topic, and her experience was probably more what Kagome could expect. Rin…Kagome shivered. That was an experience for sure.

"It's more than marriage, Kagome. Way more. It would be expected of you two to get married afterwards. And you're still so young. Are you prepared for that?"

"That's the question, isn't it?" Kagome sighed again, pushing aside her tea and stealing one of croissants from between them to tear apart on her plate. "I don't know. I was engaged once, and I wasn't ready then. But this is Yash. If I'm his mate…we've already crossed so many lines. It's unavoidable, once he knows, right?"

"Only if you want it to be. You would be easily able to stop him, you have the power to shake him out of control of his demon. One shock and you're good to go. Remember that. You could put it off until you're ready, as long as you're aware of what he's doing." Kouga, still, remained oddly calm across from her.

Kagome hadn't even considered that, but she was cataloguing it for future use. Though, a part of her remarked that if Inuyasha were to decide such a thing, how would she have her wits about her to stop him? Why would she want to stop him? But maybe, if she reminded him of that, that she had the ability to stop him if it ever got too close, if she knew he didn't want that yet, he would feel more comfortable trusting himself with her every day. Not just when he was human. If he would trust her, she could rid herself of the cuff and him of the kotodama and they could really enjoy the full depth of being together as they were, hang ups and demon blood withstanding.

Kagome would just have to remind herself that if Inuyasha lost control and tried to mark her, she would have to stop him until he expressly told her, in all forms and with all his wits, not to. But, she could do that?

She'd have to talk to him about it when she felt brave enough.

"You're taking this rather well," Kagome remarked, finally over the heaviness of their conversation.

"I accepted how you felt for him a very long time ago, Kagome. I just want you to have all the tools at your disposal to escape his reach if you need to, that's all I'm offering. I would only keep him from you if you decided you no longer wanted him in your life." Kouga leaned back in his chair, motioning to the waitress for the check.

"Thank you, Kouga. If it comes to that, I'm grateful for your support. Just…uh, please don't mention this conversation to anyone." Kagome let Kouga pay for her two-dollar tea and her one-dollar croissant, slipping a few bills equal to her meal under a plate for the server's tip. "Especially to Yash."

"I have grandchildren to look forward to one day, I wouldn't risk my life like that." Kouga winked before indicating they head out, and Kagome fell in next to him.

Who would have ever thought that Kouga would offer her the most useful advice she'd gotten thus far?

Kagome woke to the soft caress of familiar fingers running up and down her arm, the same she did each morning that she was granted with him. It was the familiar feeling of being completely sated that brought her back to where she was, and just what she had been doing the entire night before.

Waking up after one of Inuyasha's human nights, waking up to feel complete and indescribably close to the half demon who's body was just underneath her head was a feeling unparalleled, one she would never be able to explain and would never willingly give up. Kagome didn't want to open her eyes, not ready to leave the stillness of the moment quite yet. Instead, she shifted her body closer to him, throwing a leg over his own and extending her arm from where it pillowed her head on his chest to wrap around his midsection. She didn't miss the cool brush of the kotodama against her skin from where they rested around his ankle.

Kagome wondered why he even bothered with them, but then she recalled that her cuff had fallen off during the night and he'd told her not to worry about it. He probably couldn't find it and didn't want to wake her, always trying to give himself the most control he could. Immediately she thought back to the conversation she had with Kouga, the information burning on her tongue immediately. Should she say something now?

"Good morning, love," Inuyasha kept his tone soft, a kiss to her temple punctuating his greeting. Was it possible to melt even more into his embrace? Kagome did just that, if there was such any more comfort to be had, a contented sigh escaping her. "What would I have to do," he started softly, using the hand that had probably been pillowing his head to angle her face up towards him, an action that caused her eyes to open without her permission, "to get you to stay here with me?" They were in Berlin, currently, the wall of windows in the room giving away their location immediately. Kagome had surprised him a few days before the new moon, realizing if she wanted Inuyasha to know she cared about him she needed to swallow her pride and go.

But she had been right, she certainly was losing the will power to leave the more she was there.

"You could start by taking these," her foot brushed against the kotodama and his ankle, "off and never putting them back on."

"Nice try," he rolled his body over hers abruptly, his gaze sharp gold on hers. "But we're going with my judgement on this one, at least for now."

"Why do you need them?" Kagome let her hands run up the length of his spine slowly, not missing the way his shoulder blades shifted minutely when she let her finger nails scrape there in a reminder of the night before.

"Because your cuff fell between the headboard and the wall and I needed to move the bed to get it." He deadpanned it like he didn't realize what she was really asking.

"And why do I need the cuff?"

"So other demons won't be able to catch my scent on you."

"I don't see any other demons in this room. Just this one, right here." Kagome leaned forward to kiss his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck in the process. "And you already know what we do behind closed doors. So, why do I need to wear the cuff when I'm alone with you?"

"It's torture, Kagome." He whispered it like it was his biggest secret. "It's torture to smell myself on you so intimately and not be able to recreate it, to not be able to experience it in real time. I can smell everything, your desire, my desire, all at once. If we had nothing…if there was nothing anchoring me, I would lose control of myself. And if I lose control…"

"You won't hurt me, Inuyasha."

"Don't you think I know that? Every part of me loves you, sweetheart, every part of me treasures you. I'm not scared I'll hurt you, not now."

"Are you scared you'll mark me?" Kagome let Inuyasha haul her back to the way they'd woken up, spooned to his side as he stared at the ceiling, content to wait on him to think through his words as she mindlessly drew patterns with her fingertips over his chest.

"I think if it were to happen, if I were to mark you, I'd be relieved more than scared. I'm worried that my demon is blinded by our past and will make a judgement call without thinking about who we are now."

"What do you mean?" Kagome was about to sit up to look him in the eye, but he turned on his side to face her instead, a hand pulling her into a lose embrace as he considered her.

"You heard me at the well when you closed it. I was certain, all of me was so certain that you were my mate. But we aren't those people anymore, and so much has changed for both of us. I need to be certain that this you belongs with this me, that you are still meant to be my mate. I don't want to do to you what I did to Sophie, Kagome. I've done a lot of research about bonded mates, I've done extensive reading about the ceremony itself. Our auras are already so familiar to each other, even now, they're brushing against one another. Do you feel it?" Kagome did, but she always did. It had always been that way, the steady roll of his aura against her own as soon as he was close enough for her to sense him. She'd always thought it was a kind of hug, a greeting, honestly, thinking it was the only way he'd show affection with her. "With your spiritual powers and my experience in the matter, we could unwittingly try to bind ourselves together and I could lose you forever."

"You think there's a greater chance that I'm not your mate, don't you?" Kagome hadn't meant to spit that out, but the words were out of her mouth on their own accord before she could stop them, a hint of her own disappointment coloring them. Across from her, Inuyasha's eyes widened before narrowing in concentration.

"Do you… do you want to be my mate, Kagome?"

Did she want to be his mate?

Yes.

That was easy. Yes. Again and again, yes, Kagome wanted to be his mate. She wanted to finally have happiness with him, to have a real life with him. She'd been in love with him from the start, before, hadn't she? And now was almost no different. He'd been distant, and he'd been wary of a relationship, and somehow, they still were in the thick of it. It would never end, he would never cease to be her greatest weakness. If she was fated to be his mate, like she thought she might be, she would be so happy.

What had Daichi said? What would change if they were to have the title of mates, if they were to be husband and wife?

Only the assurance that they would have each other for the rest of their lives, she realized.

"Would you accept it if I was?" Kagome whispered it, her heart in her throat, unable to look Inuyasha in the eyes.

"Would I accept - Kami, woman, I want nothing more."

Her eyes were on him immediately as Kagome sucked in a breath of air at his intensity, trying to piece together a response but Inuyasha's expression just kept her gasping for air. He was looking at her like he was frustrated, which was not unusual between them, honestly, they'd argued over placemats when they'd gone shopping a few days before. But it wasn't a "I told you, woman, I don't like yellow in the kitchen," type of frustrated. It was laced with something more, the rare expression of exasperated affection that she'd caught a few times in the feudal era.

It was an "I need you with me, Kagome. Haven't you realized that yet," type of frustration that drove her heart pounding and her mouth unable to articulate words.

"I want to wake up like this, every day, with you wrapped around me, unable to doubt that you love me. To fall asleep at night, with you next to me, knowing you are safe and happy and right here. I want to hear you call me mate, I want to see my mark on you for the rest of our lives, for the rest of forever. I want," Inuyasha paused, considering her, assessing her for something before continuing on stronger, more assured. "I want to call you wife. I want to watch as you grow heavy with my child, I want to raise our children together. I will love you with every ounce of my being until I die, Kagome, don't ever doubt that I want that life with you. But I will not risk you because I am weak and impatient. You are everything to me, I cannot fathom a life that does not have you."

"Inuyasha…" The air was knocked straight out of her. When did this happen, she wondered, when did he…when did he start to feel this way about her?

"I was so certain that I wouldn't be able to fall in love with you, that I wouldn't feel this way again in my life. But here I am, completely in love with you, wishing my demon would hurry and make up its damned mind. You said the same things, but her you are, in my home, in my bed, implying that you want to be my mate. You chose me then, when you closed the well, and I thought…Kagome, tell me, do you want to be my mate? Do you want everything that comes with it, now, with me?"

Did she hear him right? Had he just said he was in love with her?

Her heart was pounding in her ears as she considered his question. Could she do that, could she want that? To be his wife, to have his children, to spend the rest of forever with him?

"Yes," Kagome whispered it, afraid that if she said anything else she'd lose her composure and decided to use comedy to break the mood and prevent herself from crying. "Although, if this is you asking me to marry you, I have to say, I'm kind of unimpressed."

"Woman-I am putting myself completely out here and you're unimpressed with me? What, do I need to take you to Paris like Hiro? Is that the only way to your heart?" Inuyasha picked her up around her waist and playfully rolled her over his body before pretending to slam her onto the other side of him on the bed, fingertips already finding their way to where she was most ticklish across her ribcage. Kagome couldn't help but let out a peel of laughter at the contact, immediately forgetting how serious he'd been just moments ago.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome squealed and tried to wiggle away from him, but he, as always was too strong and she ended up finding herself fully pinned to his bed and gasping for air.

"Or maybe I should set you up on dates with my coworkers to avoid suspicions over the nature of my relationship with you, that should do the trick, right?" Inuyasha leaned down and pressed a few kisses up her neck, finally abating with his tickling as Kagome's chest heaved with the forced of her laughter and tears slid down her cheeks. "I'd offer to take up photography, but I'm not a fan of Hiro's work."

"Oh, so you saw those, did you?"

"Well, you refused to come see me here, and I had to work, so I did the best I could." He smirked down at her, a twinkle of humor in his eyes. "Very vivid material to work with. Although he missed all the best parts of you, you know."

"What parts are those?" Kagome was almost scared to ask as she sat up to study him, reaching for his shirt that was on the end of the bed to cover herself.

"Well, there's that fiery look you give me when I've done something wrong, like you wished these beads still worked well enough to punish me." His hand brushed down his ankle as he reached for whatever pants were nearby, indicating the beads he was talking about.

"Keep reminding me they don't, and I'll fix that for you."

"There," Inuyasha exclaimed, "that's the one. Now, all you have to do is point and tell me sit, it'll be just like old times."

"You're really asking for it, you know." Kagome looked up from where she'd just finished buttoning the last few buttons on his shirt to find him laying across the end of the bed only in a pair of sweatpants he'd found somewhere.

"Tell me what it will take, Kagome. I'll do it all."

It was the dull sound of his stomach rumbling that set him looking down at himself in wonder. They had sort of skipped the wining and dining last night, she realized, and she smiled softly before pulling him out of bed.

"Let's start with breakfast."

To Kagome, that had just been another moment in a string of similar ones where Inuyasha's intensity overwhelmed her and she found herself speechless. She wished she had the strength, at the time, to tell him that she was in love with him too, but she hadn't. It was only when she was home, days later, that she realized that things may have shifted more from their conversation than she thought.

She'd been unpacking, a task she'd been dreading because it meant it really was over and she really was home. Kagome had, luckily, thought to wash her clothes before she left, which meant she was really only putting away the clean things she had, but it was still bittersweet. She was working on the suitcase that Inuyasha had packed for her, carefully sorting out the garments and putting them away when she found it. At the very bottom of the suitcase was a shirt of been trying to smuggle out in her dirty laundry before he'd tossed it all in the washer and folded it for her, though she realized now that she'd been caught. Feeling a bit homesick for him, she'd decided she'd slip it on and take a nap on the couch while she waited for him to wake up on his end but was shocked when the distinct sound of paper hitting the floor caught her ears. An envelope, the normal kind, white with her name on it, had tumbled out of the shirt and onto her floor.

She recognized the handwriting from the few notes he'd left her before, and while she was shocked to find it, she thought that it was maybe a cute love note she could treasure. But it wasn't. It was a flight plan for the jet in Kyoto, scheduled to leave a few days before her birthday, along with hotel information and a little handwritten note with just a phrase and his name signed to it. It took her a moment to translate, her French rusty from the year passed that she hadn't use it at all, but when she remembered it she couldn't help the soft smile that crossed her features.

"À bientôt."

"See you soon," Kagome murmured, her fingers tracing where he'd written his name after it, saying it out loud like she was responding in kind to his note, "Inuyasha."

A/N:

One more. Are you ready? I'm ready.

K. Marjorie