CHAPTER ONE: Dreams
"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible. - T. E. Lawrence"
The steady rhythm of a monitor woke her; JJ noticed almost immediately, the sterile smell, and almost artificial air, telling her where she was long before she opened her eyes. She opened them slowly.
"Spencer," she whispered her throat dry from the nasal cannula pushing oxygen into her lungs.
"H-h-hello JJ." He said almost immediately, relief evident in his voice. "You gave us quite a scare."
"Where am I?"
"You're in Mary Washington Hospital, JJ. You passed out leaving yesterday. Hotch, Morgan, Garcia or I have been here since you arrived. I… I'll let them know you're awake."
She nodded, wondering why they cared whether she was alive, or not. She'd gotten her teammates, friends, killed the second she gave them the Boston case. Why didn't they hate her?
She was brought back to the moment by someone clearing his or her throat.
"H-hey Hotch," she said her throat scratchy. Spencer handed her a glass of water as soon as he'd entered, taking the chair she'd just noticed at her side.
"JJ," the man said, pulling a doctor's stool over and sitting on it. "What happened?"
"I," she paused, glancing at Morgan and Garcia, who were almost studying her silently.
"I haven't slept more than an hour since we returned from Boston, and I haven't eaten anything in at least the same amount of time. Every time I close my eyes," she shuddered.
Hotch didn't say anything, just nodded. "I know I haven't slept more than eight hour since we got back. Haley is almost constantly trying to get me to go to bed. The dreams never go away, JJ. I wish I could say they do, but I can tell you that you will get to a point where they don't hurt as much.
Now, the doctors have asked me to tell you that you're electrolytes are dangerously low and that they are going to keep you overnight for observation. If you'd like, I can stay with you."
"No," she whispered, "go home to Haley, Hotch, I'll be fine."
The man nodded, and she could see the relief in his eyes. She wanted to feel angry with him, but knew that Haley was his anchor. "Really guys, thank you for staying, but go home. I'll be fine," she said, trying to smile.
Morgan came forward, giving her a tight hug and said, "If you need anything, JJ, you get on that phone and call me. I mean it."
Garcia gave her an even tighter hug and said, "and if not him, me, angelface. My chocolate god and I will be out celebrating life when you get out, if you want to come and join us."
She smiled, wishing her friends adieu.
"Spencer," she said, turning to the last of her visitors, giving him the okay to leave if he wanted to as well. He pulled the chair closer to the bed, and took her right hand in his left one.
"If it isn't too much trouble, JJ, I think I'd rather stay here with you. I mean, I know you don't like hospitals, what person does really, but…" he stopped.
"I'd like that, Spencer," she said sadly.
"Do you… would you like to talk about it?"
She shook her head. If anything, she wanted to avoid talking about Boston.
They talked for hours, Spencer telling her details of the various Ph.D.s he had, how long it had taken him to get each one and why he'd chosen those particular fields.
She listened; glad to have a comforting presence beside her. In return, she told him about her parents, and her brother, and about their house in North Versailles, Pennsylvania. She told him about the scholarship she'd received for Soccer, and how she'd led Penn State to a national championship.
He told her that he'd been recruited to the BAU by Jason Gideon. He was sixteen, sitting on the front row of a psychology class he'd taken for one of his Bachelor's Degree, and the man had been intrigued enough to approach him after class, asking him what grade he was in that the high school would allow him to attend a lecture at a university.
She'd laughed, for the first time in days, and told him that she'd been in a similar class, listening instead to David Rossi lecture. It was then she decided on a major, and applied to the FBI academy.
Finally, when the announcement came indicating that visiting hours were over, she watched as the good Doctor visibly slumped.
"JJ," he said as he stood, collecting his things, "I'll be back first thing in the morning. If you are released tomorrow, I'd like permission to spend time with you outside of hospital hours, if you are agreeable?"
She nodded, mentally converting her friend's speech, and said, "I'd like that too, Spencer.
"Dream and give yourself permission to envision a You that you choose to be. - Joy Page"
End Chapter