CHAPTER FIVE: Security
"When kindness has left people, even for only a few moments, we become afraid of them as if their reason had left them. When it has left a place where we have always found it, it is like a shipwreck; we drop from security into something malevolent and bottomless." – Willa Cather
JJ awoke that morning, serene in the feel of the arms around her. Her mind was open, and she could smell a familiar scent surrounding her. A beautiful melody filled the room, bewitching her mind, and ensnaring her senses. Her sleep-laden mind told her she knew the melody.
She stretched, causing a gasp to erupt from her bedmate, as her rear pressed firmly against his morning arousal. She froze, wondering for the briefest of seconds with whom she was sharing her bed.
Then, the crescendo of the melody; a beautiful violin sound that seemed to stir emotion in her heart, hit and she remembered.
"Scheherazade," JJ mumbled. She heard a moan from behind her, as her unintentional bedmate pressed his arousal ever closer, his arms tightening as he gave a deep sigh. She could feel every inch of his body pressed against her, sometime in the night they'd shifted, their body's contorting to the other.
"Spence," she said softly. It was enough. She could hear the moment he awoke, the squeak from his overly embarrassed voice causing her too regret ever waking him.
"J-J-JJ, I'm s-s-so sorry." He stuttered, jerking back almost immediately. She didn't turn to him; she could feel the blush that erupted on her face almost immediately the second their bodies separated.
"Sorry for what, Spence, this is your room. We fell asleep talking, nothing to be sorry about. How many times have we fell asleep in each other's hotel rooms on cases?"
He again squeaked, and she could tell that he was attempting to hide his arousal as she turned in his arms to look at him. His body shifted away from her. She couldn't help the thrill that went down her back knowing how she affected the young genius. It was a boon to any woman's self-esteem.
"Good morning Spence," she said looking him in the eyes. She could feel her blush returning, and knew that she should have regretted waking him with the knowledge that she'd slept in his arms, as socially awkward as he was, she sometimes doubted that he wasn't a virgin.
"G-g-good morning, J-JJ," he said almost awkwardly. "D-did you s-sleep well?"
She nodded, truthfully it was the best night's sleep she'd gotten since Boston, and she didn't want Spencer to close up on her, she didn't want him to regret helping her find the serenity of a good night's sleep, even if it was unintentional.
"I slept wonderfully, Spence. Truthfully, I'm more or less to blame for our current situation than you. I came into your room, not the other way around. So, if anyone should be sorry, it's me alright?"
Spencer nodded, his face still flushed.
"And while I do somewhat regret that we slept together last night," she said looking into his eyes, "it isn't for the reasons you think. I don't find you physically repulsive, and you're intellectually my superior, so you're not lacking in those areas. We're already friends, so it isn't as if we slept with perfect strangers. My biggest regret is that I could have potentially hurt you this morning, in any way, since I know you're not as socially sound as any of the rest of our team. As long as you're not mad, and I'm not, what's to regret?"
She felt him relax, and almost smiled, until a knock came at the door. Her eyes widened, and she remembered exactly where they were. "Oh shit."
"Jennifer," her mom's voice came from behind the door, "I know you're in there, young lady. You might as well answer me."
"Mom," her voice croaked in embarrassment. "Yes I'm in here, and no, it's not what you think. We were talking last night and fell asleep."
She heard her mom's tongue clucking in amusement, but felt her friend tense beside her… again. She stood, and turned to him, before looking down and blushing to the root of her hair. Her shirt had rode up during the night, and her bra had shifted, evidence that Spencer's hands had roamed her body in their sleep. She straightened her bra, gave him a smile, which he returned, and turned to the door.
"Good morning dear," her mom said happily, "your father and I wanted to know if you and your young man were going to join us for breakfast?"
She turned to Spence, who gave her a short, nervous nod, and said, "We'll be down in a few minutes."
Her mom nodded again and turned away, moving back towards the staircase. "Jeffrey and Melissa will be coming by later this afternoon too see you, dear."
"Thanks mom," JJ said, before turning to her friend and saying, "I'll head across the room to get ready, then we'll head into town, alright Spence? I'd like to show you around my roots while we're here.
Spence nodded to her, and saying, "I'll see you in a few minutes, JJ."
"Alright," she said leaving the room and moving into her own. She blushed as soon as she was safely ensconced in the privacy of her room, letting loose a giggle she'd held since realizing that she'd awoken in Spencer Reid's arms. If the young genius hadn't been so afraid of hurting her this morning, she admitted to herself, the morning itself would have been as close to perfect as she'd ever known.
She showered and dressed quickly, wanting to stave off any insinuations that would make Spence retreat into his mind. She sighed at the bottom of the stairs, listening to his familiar laughter as it entreated her closer to the door.
She paused, a second later, as another; more familiar, voice said, "How long have you and my sister worked together? You seem to know her better than a lot of her old boyfriends ever did."
"We've worked together three hundred and seventy-one days, six hours, fifteen minutes, seventeen seconds," Spence answered her brother. She cursed, knowing that he was nervous if he were being that literal in his answers.
"Good morning everyone," JJ said pushing the door open. Her eyes shot to Spence, where she apologized with a look. He nodded his head in acknowledgement, and turned to her brother, who was looking at her with a speculative air about him.
"Morning Jenny," her dad said, "Spencer here has been entertaining us with tales about your teammates. This Penelope sounds entertaining, if half of what Spencer is saying is true."
"Morgan," she asked him. Spencer nodded, a grin on his face. She returned it easily, knowing what her friend had told her family about the constantly flirting duo.
"I was telling them about the day before we left forBoston, and how Garcia had him near apoplectic with laughter."
She nodded, her eyes tearing as she remembered. "JJ, would you like me to tell you about the morning that they met; Garcia's first day?"
JJ didn't hesitate, pulling the open chair at his side out and filling the plate before her with the breakfast her mother had made.
"Well, I guess it begins about nine months before you started at the BAU. We were gathered together, and Jason announced the previous technical analyst, Simon Dreads, was retiring. The team wasn't shocked; Simon had been saying as long as I'd known him that he was going to retire as soon as he was eligible. The morning after his retirement party, Hotch calls us together and says he's found Simon's replacement and that the man had handpicked her to replace him because she was and I quote, "the quickest damned hacker I've ever seen."
You can probably imagine the hysteria that arrived a few minutes later, JJ, but for the benefit of the others, I don't think I've ever seen Garcia wear less than five colors as long as I've known her. When she came in, she had a blue and pink shirt, over which was a white jacket, and a primary colored skirt. Her eyes seemed to scan the room, and then her eyes met his. He was different than you know now, JJ. When I started, I don't think I ever saw Derek smile, and he always looked down upon me, because of my age and the fact that the FBI had fast-tracked me to the BAU instead of earning the position as he had.
She took one look at him, walked over and said, 'Hello Mortal, I'm the Goddess Penelope Garcia. You will soon bow to me in worship, and I will grant you eternal and everlasting joy.' Morgan looked at her like she was crazy, but a second later, burst out laughing. Within weeks, he was apologizing for every little thing he'd done or said to me.
The Morgan you know now is so much different than the one I met, and I thank Garcia everyday for coming into our lives and pulling the real him out of the rough exterior that he'd accumulated over the years."
JJ tried to imagine a Derek Morgan that looked down upon the young genius, one who stooped to the levels that other Agents not in the BAU did whenever Spencer Reid entered the room. She'd seen him alienated on more than one occasion by other agents that considered him a child even though he was intellectually far ahead of any and all of them.
Knowing Derek as she did now, she shuddered, because as much of a good friend Derek was now, she knew that he still had times when he picked on the young genius, in jest, and just knew that it would have been a thousand times worse on Spence if Penelope had never come into their lives.
By they time they finished breakfast, Jeffrey had left with a promise to come back before she left and an invitation to come by his and Melissa's house. She pulled Spence out of his seat and, with a wave to her parents; she told them that she was going to show him around town. Her parents gave them a farewell, and as they were leaving, she heard her mom say, "What do you think of young Doctor Reid?"
She made a note to ask her mom what her dad's response was when she returned home. She walked to the driver's side, glad that Spence didn't make a fuss about her preference to this morning. They drove for about five minutes, in which silence filled the suddenly awkward space between them, until they arrived tooNorth Versaillesproper. She smiled, looking at the old architecture. She showed Spence some of her old hangouts, such as Lea's Floral Shop, where she first worked from sixteen until she left for college at nineteen, and the Karate studio, where she first started taking the martial arts that would later help to shape her career.
She showed him her old high school, East Alleghany High, where she starred as the Captain of the Varsity team. They walked the soccer field, where she told him stories of her team's highlights, like the time they won the state championship… Go Wildcats!
As she was talking, she never noticed her companion moving closer too her, even when his arm came around her shoulder, and she leaned her head on him, her hand clasping his.
"And this," she said finally coming too the doors of the school itself, "is where my road to the BAU began."
She pressed against the door, thankful that it was a Saturday. The doors opened smoothly, and at once she felt her the memories overwhelm her. She showed him all that she could remember.
They walked the empty halls, the only sound the soles of their shoes hitting the concrete floors; the echoes sounding off around them.
"You're not supposed to be in here," a voice said startling them out of their walk. JJ stopped, turning and said, "Conductor!"
"That's Sheriff Conductor, Ginger," the police officer in front of them said. JJ felt Spence's shoulder tense underneath her, and sighed, "John, this is my colleague, Doctor Spencer Reid. Spence, this is Sheriff John Williams. We graduated high school together, I was Valedictorian, he was Salutatorian. Spencer works with me at the FBI, John. I was showing him around, I remember the school used to always be open on Saturdays."
"That used to be, Ginger," the Sheriff, "but the city council passed a law a couple years back that stopped all that, what with all the school shootings that have been happening round the country."
JJ nodded, "we'll be on our way, then." She said. John nodded, "I'm technically supposed to issue you a citation but I won't tell if you don't, alright?"
She nodded, and said, "Alright, can we still walk the grounds, or…" she trailed off.
"No, that's fine itself, just the buildings are off limits, except the gymnasium. That's open all hours, it's technically supposed to be for practices but everyone around town uses it. Come on, I'll walk you two out."
They followed the sheriff out, and JJ sighed before saying, "Well, Spence, how about we find somewhere to eat?"
"Sure JJ," he said, "my treat."
"Well," John said, "it's good to see you JJ. It's nice to meet you, Doctor Reid. I hope that I'll never need to see either of you in an official capacity around here. JJ, bring your friend around for the football game Thursday night, it's againstPenn Hills."
"We'll be there," JJ said vehemently, turning to her friend. "Penn Hillsis the school's largest rival. We're constantly competing to be the best against them. Have you ever been to a football game, Spence?"
He shook his head. She wished she were surprised. "Well, it'll be fun, and I can teach you all about the sport, alright?"
He nodded again, and she smiled, clenching his arm as they walked back too her car. They got lunch at the local McDonald's, which she told Spence was the ultimate comfort food. She watched him roll his eyes and say, "I've eaten at McDonald's before, JJ. It's not something I do often, but I do enjoy occasional fast food."
She smiled; glad her friend was coming out of his shell. When the food was eaten, she said, "How about we head back to the house, and see if we can find something to occupy our time?"
Spence nodded. JJ was glad that the awkward silence between them had lifted.
When they arrived back at her parent's house, JJ noticed that they again met at the front of the car, and moved together. She wasn't shocked, or disgusted, at the thought. In fact, she wondered where this sudden attraction between them was headed.
When the entered the house, she went into the living room, where her parents sat watching the afternoon news. Her mom sat at her dad's side, her head resting on his shoulder, much as she had walked with the man at her side earlier.
She smiled at her mom, who had looked their way when the entered the living room, and sat on the loveseat. When she was little, JJ remembered asking her mom why it was called that. Her mom said that it was a very good question, but that she couldn't give her an adequate answer, on that she would understand when she was older.
While she wasn't ready to say she was in love with the young genius Doctor Reid, she definitely understood the allure of sitting curled up to him on said seat.
"Good afternoon you too," her dad said a few seconds later, "I see you're quite cozy. Is there something I need to know about, Jenny? How about how your mother found you two this morning?"
She felt horrified, shocked that her dad would bring that up. She felt her shoulder tense, and could feel that Spence was unsettled. She looked at her dad, who had a fiendish looking grin etched on his face. He looked at her and said, "Now, Jenny, I understand you're a grown woman, but I'm sure you don't want me to have a certain talk with your young man, do you?"
"DAD!" she screeched. "That's totally inappropriate! We fell asleep listening to a song that Spence ended up telling me about. It was totally unplanned, and…" she could see her mom holding in laughter.
"Oh," her dad asked looking at her, "and what is the name of this song that had you so interested?"
"Scheherazade," Spence spoke up, looking at her dad. Her dad looked at him in confusion, and Spence told them the same story he told her last night.
By the end, her mom was sniffling, and she knew that she was going to go look up the song, and get the full story on the internet.
"Alright," her dad said after a minute's quiet contemplation. "Did you enjoy your tour of our leafy little hamlet, Spencer?"
"Very much so, your town has an amazing history from the way JJ spoke about it. I'm also interested in getting to know the area a bit better. It was interesting getting a tour from a local perspective, but from an outsider's perspective, it's always so much fun to find the hidden nooks and crannies.
For instance, when I first moved toQuantico, I found a bookstore down the street from my apartment, which had been there for fifteen years, between a music store and a restaurant. In addition, it barely saw any business. The owner kept the store itself open for tax purposes, he's somewhat rich enough that he sinks money into the business that he can afford to lose as a tax write-off, but the books inside the store were amazing. I go there every week, and buy at least ten new books.
And since the idea of the place is too lose money, I don't think I've ever spent more than two thousand dollars in there at one time."
"How much do you spend on books," her mom asked, "And more importantly," her dad asked, "How can you afford it? We know that Jenny makes a good salary, but she can't spend a couple thousand dollars a week on a whim."
"Um…" he said fidgeting under their stares.
"It's alright Spence," she said quietly, "you don't have to tell us. I'm sure it has something to do with your PhD's, right?"
He nodded firmly and she looked at her parents, telling them to drop the topic. They acquiesced.
"We're sorry, Spencer, that was awfully rude. To get back on topic, what you're suggesting is that you take Jenny on a walkabout and see what you can find that she hasn't noticed before?"
He eagerly nodded this time, his grin infectious. Her parents looked at her, and each smiled fiendishly in return.
"I think that's a wonderful idea," her mom said. "Why don't you make that the plan for tomorrow? You and James can put a tape in for tonight, while Jennifer and I get dinner started."
She was about to protest, but saw the look on her mom's face, and winced. Why did she get the feeling she was about to be interrogated?
They moved to the kitchen, where her mom started gathering the pots and pans she needed for the chicken that was laid out, thawing. "I thought you weren't dating that young man, Jennifer?"
She winced, and looked at her mom's stern expression, wilting.
"I… we aren't… it's complicated. When I collapsed at work the other day, I was not in a good place, mom. I hadn't eaten or slept in about three days, and the exhaustion caught up with me all at once. I haven't been taking what happened inBostonwell, as you can probably tell."
Her mom nodded, gesturing for her to continue.
"Spence was the first person I saw when I woke up in the hospital, and he immediately put all my fears to rest. I've been friends with him since the day we met, but I swear I never thought he'd looked twice at me in that regard. We talked for hours, that first day, and even more the second. That was about five days afterBoston," she murmured.
"Then, the next day he came back again. He brought me coffee, and told me that he and our friend Derek had run by my house, and gathered some of my clothes so that I could leave the hospital in fresh clothes. And," she said quietly, "He gave me your messages."
Her mom nodded again.
"It was gradual at first, mom. I swear. I don't even think we noticed it at first, but I quit calling him "Spencer" that day. Then, small little things became lingering touches, and last night…" she blushed. "Nothing happened," she said when her mom noticed her blush; "I just wanted to talk, about anything really. When he started telling me about Scheherazade, and everything, it just seemed natural to sit close on the bed.
I don't honestly remember falling asleep, or how we moved to be together like we were this morning."
Her mom looked at her, a smug grin on her face.
"He's been there," her mom said, "a friend, confidante. Just… I don't really know your young man that well, but he seems like the type that will easily break, Jennifer. Don't start anything with him unless you aim to keep it. If you're not sure, don't lie and risk hurting him, or yourself. He's an honorable young man, and your father and I like him, if that matters any, so we will support your relationship with him in any way."
"Thank you mom," JJ said moving close enough to wrap her arms around her mom's shoulders. "If… if anything does happen between us, I will want to make sure it's permanent. Spence is a great guy, I know that."
"Good," her mom said. "Now, go tell your father that I've decided you still can't cook to save your life, and to get in here."
JJ looked down at the haphazardly cut chicken slices she'd been helping her mom with, and said, "Sorry mom."
She walked out of the kitchen and into the living room where her dad was regaling Spence with one of her old soccer tapes, the state championship by the looks of it, where she'd just scored the first of three goals she'd accumulated in the game.
"And Captain Jennifer 'JJ' Jareau with a hooking left shot! Goalkeeper Cassandra Tanners can't keep up with it, and GOAL! The Wildcat's Pride does it again!"
She laughed as Spence yelped in excitement, his hands clapping as her dad laughed. She watched the next goal, her teammate Samantha Rider, Sammie, had intercepted the pass to defender Claire Waters and kicked another one in.
"And a goal for Co-captain Kathryn 'Knight' Rider; get ready Penn Hill, the Wildcats are coming for that trophy!"
"That was a good game," she said coming into the room, her eyes moist as she stared at the screen where the younger JJ had just hugged her teammate, the excitement of playing in the big game shared amongst the captain and co-captain.
"It really was Jenny," her dad said, "I was just showing Spencer here the highlights of your soccer career. As I was saying, Spencer, until she attended that seminar with David Rossi, she wanted to go to the Summer Olympics, and had trained for years to make TeamUSAsoccer."
"I never realized you played a sport while you were in high school, JJ," the genius said as she sat on the couch beside her. She smiled and said, "Dad, mom wants you in the kitchen. Apparently, I'm as bad of a cook as I've always been."
Her dad cocked his brow at her, looking at the small amount of space between the two. Then, he stood and said, "Well, I'll be back when dinner is ready. You two should wash up."
"Alright dad," JJ said turning to her friend, "you can take the shower first, Spence."
He nodded, and walked up the stairs. She smiled, watching him as he walked up them, lost in raging thoughts, as the sounds of days long past echoed in her mind.
When he came down, ten minutes later; JJ stood and made her way past him, surprised that the young Doctor even had a pair of sweat pants, or that he would choose to wear them.
It didn't take her long to shower. By the time she'd arrived for dinner, the plates were already set out, and her parents were sat in their usual places. Spence had been seated when she'd entered, but stood when he noticed her. She cocked her eyebrow at him, wondering why he'd stood when he was already seated. He then moved behind her chair, and pulled it out for her. On a whim, she roamed her fingers down his arm, and watched him squirm awkwardly, before he pushed the seat in for her.
She shot her mom a warning glare; the amusement on her mom's face giving her more than enough of a clue as to her matron's state of mind. When Spence had finally seated himself again, her mom took the cover off the platter before them.
The smell hit her before the sight met her eyes, which widened in appreciation.
"You made chicken alfredo, mom?"
"I did," her mom said happily. "It isn't often I get to cook for someone new, and it's been so long since I've been able to cook this for one of my children. Spencer, I hope you like it."
He looked at the pasta meal with a bit of apprehension, but took a good portion anyway. At the first taste, his eyes widened and he looked at her with amazement that she had never before appreciated on anyone before then.
"This is amazing, Mrs. Jareau," he said happily, "I've never had it before."
Her mom shot him a surprised look, before her gaze turned pitying. JJ noticed her moms pitying gaze and shook her head a bit, trying to tell her mom that her friend hated pity. Her dad reached over, taking her mom's hand and gave her a penetrating gaze.
"So Spencer," her dad said looking at her friend. "May I ask you a question?"
"More than the one's you've already asked," Spence asked her father with a smile, trying to indicate he was joking; before nodding. Her dad laughed, a smile on his face as he said, "You've indicated that next week you're going home, do you mind if I ask where you grew up?"
Spencer looked at him and said, "I grew up inLas Vegas,Nevada. I graduated from theLas VegasPublic Schoolsystem when I was twelve, before attending Caltech when I was thirteen."
"We're going to Vegas," JJ asked him incredulously. Spencer looked at her and said, "If you're still planning on coming with, then yes, I'd really love to have you along. I still own the home I grew up in, though it's hardly ever lived-in, so we won't actually be inLas Vegasproper, just outside."
Her parents shared a look. Briefly, she wondered what they shared in those few seconds, but ignored the uneasy feeling she'd gotten at the sight.
"You're not planning on eloping with my little girl, are you, Doctor Reid," her dad asked. She shot him a look, and she knew he was asking seriously. She winced, but was surprised when Spencer looked at him and said, "to be completely truthful, Mr. Jareau, I'll be visiting my mother for the majority of the time I'm home. I'm not sure how much pleasant company I'm going to be."
JJ's stomach clenched as she heard the pain in the young genius's voice, and wondered what scared him so much about visiting his mother."
Her dad, however, seemed much calmer about the situation.
"Alright," he said.
She sighed in relief.
That night, she again went to her room and lay down with the intention of sleeping until morning. Nevertheless, when Scheherazade again started playing, she couldn't help but remember the night before. She stood, and like the night before, walked across the hall and knocked on the door.
Spence opened the door, almost as if he'd been waiting for her to arrive. When she entered the room, she closed her eyes, letting the smooth violin again bewitch her mind and ensnare her senses.
"JJ," Spence said quietly drawing her attention. She opened her eyes, and almost crumbled in the defeated look she saw there.
"What is it, Spence?" she asked quietly.
"I need to tell you some things that I've never shared with anyone; mostly because I've never taken anyone home with me before."
She sat down on his bed, and motioned for him to continue.
"Alright," she said, "I can tell that it's bothering you fiercely, Spence. It's probably not as bad as it seems. Personally, I can't wait to meet your mother."
He winced.
"I am going to meet your mom, aren't I Spence?"
He looked at her and said, "I… I'm not sure how well her doctors will take to me introducing someone new into her life, JJ."
"Doctors…?" JJ asked immediately, her mind jumping to the worst possible conclusions. Spence nodded.
"My mom…" he started, trailing off… "My mom is a patient at Bennington Sanitarium. She has been since I had her committed when I was eighteen. She's a paranoid schizophrenic."
JJ's eyes widened, her hand palming her mouth automatically as she gasped. "Spence…?"
"I… I'm not sure who I'm going to see whenever I go see my mom, JJ. Sometimes, she's the mom I remember. Sometimes, she's the professor of fifteenth century literature who will let a wayward student sit and listen to a lecture. Sometimes, she's convinced that I'm not her son, but a government spy that's been sent to infiltrate her life. Sometimes, she's the mother I had committed, who screams hateful and hurtful things at the son that betrayed her. I-I don't know that I can ask you to subject yourself to that."
She took his hand in hers and pulled him bodily toward her, her arms encircling him as she held him as he started to cry. She whispered sweet nothings to him, until he fell asleep, and followed in Morpheus' stead a few seconds later.
"There is no such thing as security. There never has been. – Germaine Greer"