Chapter 1: Remus
Chinks of pale, morning light drifted in through the small windows of the attic like spirits. They washed over the chestnut floorboards, over the stacks of worn down books, the old trunk, and the boy lying awake in his bed. The quiet sunlight illuminated his oddest features, like the spirits were showing him off.
He was paler than most boys ought to be. Around the full moon, almost gray. Small scars that looked more like slight nicks cut across his face, but, if he was lucky, could be lost among his many freckles. But the big one, the jagged one that went diagonally from under one eye to his jawline, couldn't be hidden by freckles or looking at one angle. His eyes were something else as well. They were a rather average blue when he was born, but at eleven, they were blue as the ocean, and blue enough to be odd.
Remus hadn't slept all night. Just thought. The sunlight wrenched him out of bed, and he padded over to the trunk lying open on the floor. His clothes, his school robes, his things for school, his favorite records, and his favorite books, all Remus would need for his first year at Hogwarts. Besides friends, he thought wistfully to himself. He had had friends when he was very little, before The Bite. But The Bite had happened when he was, in fact, very little, so he struggled to remember any adventures. It was so rare he talked to anyone his own age, he could hardly remember how. Trying to steady his shaking hands, he took deep breaths and picked up one of his records out of the trunk. As the first track started up, Remus changed into a sweater and jeans, the soft melodies and soaring harmonies providing the soundtrack to the first morning of the rest of his life.
He tried to divert his mind from negative thoughts to the music. Music was always something that he could rely on to steal him away from his plentiful worries, and bring him to a place of comfort. Music was his hideaway. His utopia. The song could be sad and gray and angry, but it would still be better than the shadowy corners in his own mind. He let the musicians take him away from the attic bedroom in the small house in Liverpool, he let them take him to a magical place that the wizarding child could hardly imagine being a reality.
Him walking through the corridors of Hogwarts, corridors he had only seen in photographs, with friends surrounding him, smiling and laughing. His scars were gone, and he wasn't so pale and bony. And he was laughing, and so were the faceless people surrounding him. A fantasy that often wedged itself into his mind but now was closer than ever before.
He checked the clock on his bedside table, it told him that, frankly, it was far too early for him to be awake, but Remus didn't care. He tapped the record again with his wand, and it stopped spinning mid air and the music died. The record dropped into his hands, and he carefully slid it back into its sleeve.
He walked downstairs and saw his mother sitting at the kitchen table. She looked to have been crying.
"Mum," said Remus tentatively. "Why are you up so early?"
Hope Lupin looked up at her son. Her darling son that she tried so hard to understand. "I-" she shook her head and wiped her eyes, "I c-couldn't sleep." Remus sat across from her.
"Why were you crying?"
Hope's lip quivered. "I'm alright, Remus. Really, I'm alright."
Remus got up and wrapped his arms around his mother. "I'll be fine, Mum. You know I'll be fine." It seemed as if his entire childhood had been filled with exchanges like this. His mother crying, and Remus having to promise he was okay. In a way, he was happy for times like this. Times where he forced himself to be okay, for his mother's sake if not his own.
"I just don't understand any of it," she said thickly. "Walking through that town, whatever it's called-"
"Diagon Alley."
"Right, yes. Diagon Alley." She chuckled sadly. "I just don't understand any of it. Seeing all those people with wands and everything, I've been married to your dad for years, but it still is just so… so foreign. Like one wild dream. And I'm so scared that one day I'm going to wake up and it all be just that. A dream. That Lyall wouldn't have existed and you wouldn't have existed. That I'll wake up one day and be alone."
"Don't worry, Mum. I'm rather certain I'm not a dream."
She smiled. "I know," she said. "I just wish I could help you. I just wish I could tell you I knew all about Hogwarts, all about magic. I wish I could tell you for sure that everything was going to be okay. That I knew. But I don't know, Remus. I can't promise that it'll all work out. I can't promise that everything will go as planned.
"But I need you to try, Remus. I need you to be that boy I know you are, beneath it all. Beneath all these things you think make you less, I need you to be that happy boy that you once were." She ran her fingers through his hair. "Promise me that. Promise me you'll at least try to smile."
Remus grinned softly. "I promise, Mum."
A couple hours later, Lyall came downstairs. He had had to work the night shift again, and was quite obviously exhausted, but put on a cheery show anyways. He tousled his son's hair and said proudly, "My son, a Hogwarts student. Can you believe it? A future Ravenclaw like your dad I should hope." Remus rolled his eyes good-naturedly. But despite him laughing along, thoughts swirled around in his head. What if I'm not in Ravenclaw? What if I'm in Slytherin? What if I don't get sorted at all? What if, what if, what if, what if, what if. All Remus ever thought was "what if", even if he knew, in this sort of situation, his father didn't care in the slightest.
Lyall kissed his wife on the top of her head, and danced with her around the small kitchen, music playing from the radio.
"You can be mine/and I'll not complain/Just floo me a sign/I'd rather splinch in the rain/Than just sit home and pine…" Cantelina Decore's warbling voice filled the small house, and his parents looking so happy filled Remus' big heart.
They climbed into the family's car (Hope, being a muggle, wasn't comfortable with hopping into a fireplace and using this suspicious "floo powder") and the whole way there Lyall recounted his Hogwarts memories over Quidditch commentary coming from the EQN (Everything Quidditch Network).
"Annndddd that's Rwamirama scoring yet again for the Patonga Proudsticks, who are championing over the Quafflepunchers who seem to be on a one way train to a heartbreaking defeat," boomed the broadcaster.
"...and that's when me and Hector Crowe managed to get to the very top of the Astronomy Tower. Merlin, was it wild…"
"Lyall can't we put on some music or something,"
"Then what happened, Dad?"
"AND BABINEAUX'S GOT IT! SHE'S GOT THE SNITCH! THAT'S A SHOCKING TURN AROUND FOR THE QUIBERON QUAFFLEPUNCHERS AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE TABLES HAVE TURNED FOR THE DEVASTATED PROUDSTICKS…"
"THEY'VE WON! HOPE, CAN'T YOU BELIEVE IT?"
"Really Lyall, calm dow-"
"That'll show Arnie Patriman down at the office, telling me there's no chance they'd even get close to winning. That'll show 'im."
The voices in the car started fading out into a dull hum, as Remus pressed his face against the window of the small car. He had been to London before, of course. Lived there even. But never like this. Never with the sensation of being in a big city. Everywhere, from the biggest city, to the smallest village, begin to blur together after you've lived in enough of them. But there was something different about London that day. Remus noticed the oddities, the splendor, and luxury. Fashionable young women dressed head to toe in Biba strolled down the sidewalk; long, blonde hair sweeping back and forth as they walked. Street vendors selling all sorts of things, from postcards to liquor, barked out their prices.
But the best part of it all-better than the tall buildings, better than the fancy cars-was Kings Cross Station. Because the closer they were to Kings Cross, the closer Remus was to Hogwarts.
"You have your ticket, Hope?" Mr. Lupin asked as they stepped out. Mrs. Lupin had to have a strange sort of ticket given to Muggles who needed to get through to the secret platform, Platform 9 ¾. Mrs. Lupin just about spit out her tea when Dumbledore said the way to get through was walking through a wall, but got the ticket from the headmaster the night he showed up, and was present for seeing her son off.
Hope showed her husband the slip of paper with a moving picture of a shiny red and gold train driving across the ticket. Walking up to the wall where many other fantastically dressed folk were flooding towards ("Have to subtle my arse. They're not even trying, them."), Lyall instructed Remus.
"You have to just walk straight through, take your trunk, there we are. Now just walk straight. Get a running start if you want it."
"What if I-"
"No what ifs, Remus. This is the wall and you're a student and that's how you're getting to the train. Now, go on."
And Remus went on. Through the wall, and into another world. He came out of the wall at Platform 9 ¾ and looked around. There were people that looked like his father, wearing their robes. They were laughing and clapping their respective child on the back. Teenagers were huddled in clumps, excitedly talking with their friends. Adults smoked cigarettes and old fashioned pipes while the teenagers looked on longingly, and young children looked longingly at their older sibling.
"Can't I just come for a day?" asked a boy with pristine, black hair and shockingly good posture. His mother, a mean looking woman, slapped him on his shoulder.
"Regulus I won't have another word out of your mouth about this whole business, do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, Mother."
Remus, surprised by the stern display and by just about everything in front of him, was sure that his eyes were as wide as saucers. He didn't even notice when his father, looking more excited than Remus had ever seen him, and his mother, looking frazzled and awestruck, came up behind him.
Having moved frequently, Remus knew what it was like to be somewhere completely different. He had lived in the countryside before Remus' father got a job offer in Liverpool. After quite a bit of looking, they had managed to find a house with a basement available for transformations in their small price range, and suddenly, Remus was living in an industrial city instead of rolling hills. He had even lived in Wales, his mother's native land, and fit in rather well seeing as Mrs. Lupin had made sure he be fluent in Welsh as soon as he was fluent in English. So Remus was used to adapting.
But what he saw before him was a whole other world. Where magic wasn't something that had to be hidden, Quidditch was a popular topic (especially with this game), robes and pointed hats weren't out of the ordinary, and Hogwarts was a glorious place talked about with utmost reverence.
Remus looked around the whole new world that he was now a part of, and, for a moment, forgot that he was different. For a second, the agonizing transformation every month didn't matter. The scars were replaced by pristine skin, for a second, he belonged. The smell of pumpkin juice, ale, and cinnamon wrapped around him. The merry voices of proud families filled the crowded platform. Remus looked in his father's dark eyes, and saw a glimmer of hope that had been buried beneath despair for so long. Despair over his child's pain, his child's future. But now, there was hope. The only hope that had been in his family's life for years now had been Hope Lupin, but now, there was the feeling. That magical feeling that fills your heart with warmth.
And Remus belonged. And there was hope. And there was joy.
a/n: thanks for reading, and an extra thank you to FloreanFortescue47 for your kind review! to answer your question, yes i will be writing more, and hopefully going through their whole time at hogwarts! thank you again for your kind words. -cay