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disclaimer: anything you recognize from the harry potter franchise is NOT MINE

Chapter 5

Remus

The Blacks were part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight. Fully pureblood, fully insane. Probably inbred. From what Remus knew about the current bunch of Blacks (mostly knowledge plucked from newspapers), Sirius was the son of Orion Black, a prominent face in wizarding politics. They lived somewhere in London, presumably affluent and presumably dark and brooding, and the tabloids said the Blacks thought the idea of Muggle-hunting wasn't so bad. Though you should never trust the tabloids, Remus had come to know this as basic fact for some more controversial members of the Black family.

The Lupins were a sort of jumble of some Muggle and some wizard, but were mostly known for their intelligence and… oddness. Wilee Lupin told prophecies on a mountain in Greece back in 1876, and jumped off the side of a cliff because she was sure she saw a bright orange flower. Panleus Lupin wrote a magazine in the early 1900s that talked about conspiracies in the government and was exiled to Madagascar. But here's the kicker- it was his own idea. He decided to move to Madagascar but say he was being exiled.

But Sirius wasn't anything like Remus would've expected. He certainly looked the part, with his chiseled face, fair complexion, and dark features, but Remus would never have expected him to act the way he did.

Remus had decided a long time ago that panic attacks are embarrassing. You can't form coherent thoughts, your breathing is erratic, and you can't stop crying. He would never want anyone besides his mother or father to see him have one, much less a new classmate.

But when Remus left the loo to go and fervently apologize to Peter, he was feeling better than he could have ever imagined feeling after a panic attack. It was rare he ever felt safe around anybody, and this person he just met was now making him feel alright.

The train finally came to a halt, and Remus and Peter grabbed their things. Since Remus had come back from the bathroom, there had been a strange sort of tension in the compartment, where no one seemed to know what to say. Remus looked curiously for Sirius Black, as he and Peter walked silently down the corridor and out of the train. Their small voices would have been drowned out anyways if they even attempted casual conversation; as it turns out, teenagers are loud. And intimidating. And tall-very tall.

But no sixth year was nearly as tall as the giant of a man that they suddenly were faced with. He seemed to come out of nowhere in the black of the September evening. Peter audibly gasped, but he wasn't alone. One girl was so shocked she stumbled backwards, right into Remus.

She spun around to face him. "Oh I am so sorry!" she exclaimed. Remus noticed her clock the scars, but she didn't seem to have anything to say about them. Remus couldn't help but notice she was quite a pretty girl, with long, red hair and bright green eyes.

"That-that's all right," said Remus, trying to not look like too much of a fool. As the girl turned back around, Peter smirked at Remus. "Oh, sod off," murmured Remus, trying to hide his smile.

The giant man introduced himself as Rubeus Hagrid, the groundskeeper. He instructed them to get onto the little rafts set out in front of them in the lake. Peter let out a small squeak of fear as Hagrid mentioned the "Giant Squid", but Remus thought that was much preferred than Peter being afraid of being in a boat with Remus.

There were four to a boat, and Peter and Remus shared one with the red-haired girl and a very moody boy who must have been her friend.

"I'm Lily, Lily Evans," she said cheerfully, "and this is Severus." Severus gave a small wave. Remus and Peter introduced themselves. During the beginning of the boat ride, Remus disguised his awkwardness by acting like he wasn't avoiding conversation, and was just admiring the starry night sky. Which, in his defense, was very beautiful.

Lily, however, wasn't one to sit in quiet. "Were you lot brought up in magic?" she asked. "I wasn't, both of my parents are Muggles! But Sev was! He knows so much about spells and wands and potions and- oh it's all just so exciting!"

Remus and Peter looked at each other, then Peter cleared his throat. "Both of my parents went to Hogwarts, and all my siblings did too. My sister Greta's the only one left, she's a fifth year."

"And you, Remus?"

"My Mum's a Muggle, but my Dad's a wizard. I was mostly brought up around Muggle things, though."

"Then you must like a lot of Muggle things!" said Lily excitedly. "What's your favorite book? Have you got any favorite films? What about a favorite song?"

"Lily…" said Severus bitterly.

"Oh come off it, Sev, I'm just making conversation. Besides, there's going to be positively no one to talk about the Muggle world with at Hogwarts! The Who's new record came out just last month, and nobody here would even know what The Who is!"

"You know, I've never been too much of a Who fan, but I thought this record was quite good."

"Quite good, blimey, it was fantastic! What's your favorite tr-"

"Lily, please," said Severus through gritted teeth. What's his problem? Remus wondered. He was actually excited to talk about the record, seeing as he had no one to talk to about it back home. His mother liked jazz, his father liked Quidditch. The Who was neither.

"Alright then, what houses do you all want to be in?" asked Lily. Severus seemed far more pleased with this topic, as his shoulders seemed to relax ever so slightly.

"Both of us are going to be in Slytherin," said Severus proudly. He looked rather silly when he was proud. He had the look of someone who's supposed to be frowning all the time, not proud.

"I dunno, Sev," said Lily, "those boys in the compartment made Slytherin out to be the worst house!"

Severus' chest deflated. "Well, it's not," he said. "It's the best house and they're just idiots! I would've expected more from a Black." Black.

"As in Sirius Black?" asked Remus.

Severus squinted at him. "You know Sirius Black?"

Remus shrugged. "Sort of."

Peter, clearly uncomfortable, blurted out, "I've had a brother or sister in every house, so I don't think it matters all that much, since they're all great. My brothers and sisters, I mean."

"What about you Remus?" said Lily.

"Oh I dunno," said Remus, trying desperately hard not to let them know how long he had been thinking about it, "my Dad was in Ravenclaw, so I'll probably end up there."

"Oh, well Ravenclaw's the second best house! Isn't that what you told me, Sev?"

"You've ranked the houses?" asked Peter, quirking an eyebrow, "which one's the worst?"

Severus opened his mouth to reply, when Lily gasped quite loudly and dramatically, cutting him off. "I've never seen anything like it," she said breathlessly, "and I've been to Buckingham Palace!"

"What's Buckingham-"

"Not now, Peter," whispered Remus.

Hogwarts Castle had always appeared quite magical in the photographs Remus had seen of it, but none of them captured the true marvel of the picture in front of him. The night sky wrapped around the castle like a blanket, and you could see the warm, golden light shining through what looked to be hundreds of windows. Lampposts lined the docks at the edge of the grounds, and Hagrid showed the dozens of first years how to get out.

Remus felt like he was wading through a dream. Everything was so surreal. They walked up the stone staircase to the grand doors of the castle, following Hagrid's lead. Lily was prattling on about something, and Remus politely nodded where he ought to, but he was barely listening; his whole brain was being used up to try and comprehend Hogwarts.

As they stood in the front room of the castle, being instructed on how the sorting was going to work, Remus felt very strange. He wondered if the woman talking (Professor… McGonagall, was it?) knew about his secret. He wondered if every time she looked in his general area she saw the monster he knew he was. He thought about Peter, and Lily, and Severus, and Sirius; did they suspect anything? He felt like the whole world was coming down on him, like there was a great weight on his chest that he couldn't possibly lift off. Then, McGonagall swung the doors open and Remus saw the Great Hall in all its glory, and forgot about everything else.

a/n: thanks for reading! review if you feel so inclined. the sorting chapter's next from sirius' p.o.v., i hope you like it!