9. The nightmare

Andrea's POV

Philip left. His lips touching my skin reminded me that nightmare hadn't ended. Still once he was gone, I felt as free as I could in my prison.

Not that the apartment wasn't suitable for living in. In fact it was luxurious with new furniture, soft rugs, a large bathtub, and a TV in the bedroom and living room.

Still I was stuck with no way out. And no way to get to Milton. That thought alone made me depressed.

Imagine how much pain our conversation had caused him? I knew he would accept my words as truth because I had picked Philip over him time and time again. How many times did Milton suggest that we just take Claire and leave?

Milton would say it almost jokingly, but I knew there were truth behind his words. If I had only taken him up on it. Maybe the three of us would be safe in some exotic location.

But I didn't. I felt that I owed my loyalty to my husband. I mean Philip took care of me, when I needed him someone the most. Amy my sister died in an airplane crash, I was failing out of college, and roommate Michonne told me that I had to move out because she was relocating.

So there I was depressed, feeling like a complete failure, and was about to have to move back in with parents. I just felt like I could not go back home, too many memories of my sister that would haunt me there. Besides how could I explain to them that I was a disappointment?

Enter Philip at the perfect or wrong time depending on you look at it.

We met at a support group for people dealing with grief that I started going to for no apparent reason.

I only wanted to tell people about my beautiful sister.

That's when I saw I him for the first time, seating in the back alone wearing all black. Like fucking Johnny Cash.

I knew right then and there this man was different from anyone I had meet before. Our blue eyes locked instantly. And after the meeting I walked over to him.

"What is your name?" I said awkwardly.

"Philip Blake, and you?" He said, a smile on his lovely face.

"Andrea. I was talking with Beth over there. And she said that several people were going to continue sharing their memories at the coffee shop across the street. So I thought I would invite you," I said, shocked at myself.

I was not at the meeting to flirt with a strange older attractive man, but that was what I ended up doing.

"I know. But I never join the group for coffee. It's not my thing," he said coolly.

"Well never say never," I teased, feeling the sun burning on my skin as we walked outside side by side.

"Never," he said walking off as I joined the others. His refusal to my invitation, left me feeling intrigued and unwanted at the same time. Why had he stared at me during the whole meeting if he was not interested in me? Did he think he was too good to have coffee with us? Or maybe he just was not a coffee drinker and I was reading too much into it.

I ordered a coffee and a large chocolate chip cookie when I saw him coming inside to join us. Our eyes locked again, and at the moment he had me under his spell. There was just something about him. I could almost tell he was trouble, but I could not stay away.

"I thought you never came," I said teasingly when he sat down beside me after I paid for my coffee.

"Someone told me recently never to say never, so," he said mysteriously, offering me his hand.

I took his hand, after that everything seem to move fast. We left the coffee shop, to go to his house for a few drinks.

I got drunk, we made love he told me when I woke up his arms the next day.

After four glasses of whiskey everything was a blur that night, but I was sober that morning when we had sex again. I was feeling so broken inside that being with someone seem to be a welcome distraction if nothing else. In his arms I felt safe and warm.

That was when I explained everything to Philip. He laid in bed holding me in his arms, as I told him my life story.

I talked about my sister, the terrible depression I was dealing with, failing out of school, an unsuccessful relationship with a cop named Shane who seem to disappear, getting fired from my job, and how I was having to move back to Florida in a few days because my roommate is relocating to Colorado.

"You could stay here with me. I could help you get a job at the school, I am a principal. Probably only as a substitute teacher. You wouldn't make much, but I could help you out with money," Philip assured me. I remembered he brushed a strand hair from my face, leaving my skin tingling from the touch of his hand.

"That is kind of you," I said softly.

At first I told him I could not stay long term. Just a few weeks until I got everything packed to move back home or found another place in Georgia. However the more I thought about leaving Georgia, the more anxious I get.

Could I really sleep in the room I used to share with Amy? Did I really want my parents to hover over me, making sure that I got plenty to eat and sleep? Could I let them see me like this? How would they react to seeing their daughter completely broken? Could I tell them how I stayed locked in Michonne's apartment not going to class or to my job as pharmacy tech?

With Philip everything was taken care of for me. He drive me to work, prepare my meals, and buy me whatever clothes or makeup I needed for my job at the school. He plan picnics, cookouts, and take me to baseball games where he wrap his arm around me drinking a beer. Everyone in our neighborhood knew and respected Philip, because he was a principal at the school. All the girls at the support group told me I made a good match with him. Everything was pretty much picture perfect.

Still a few weeks into I knew something was messing. Yes, our sex life was amazing, he was very attractive, always attentive to me, but still I just did not feel with him the way I had with my ex Shane. No feeling that I could send the rest of my life with this man. Only comfort and security. I made up my mind to go home with my parents before I got in too deep, but still after packing and getting an airplane ticket it was not so easy to leave.

Philip's blue eyes looked at mine when I got my suitcase the day I was supposed to move. I had been living with for only five weeks, but somehow it felt longer.

"I understand why you go home to your family, but you have been doing such a good job at the school. Changing those kids' lives. They need you," he says truthfully but still holding back.

"Say what you mean," I said looking into those dark blue eyes of his, feeling that maybe I would feel about him the way I supposed to if I had more time.

"I need you Andrea. I love you. If you go away everything will be broken again. I will start dating women I don't care about and drinking too much again. I will be a wreck without you. So stay in Georgia," he said, begging in a whisper. It would be so easy to stay with this man who done everything for me, and I felt like I owed him to stay.

I inhaled slowly, and let out a deep breath.

"No. I can't stay here and live with someone without a commitment. If things were different, I could stay," I said finally carrying my suitcase to the car. That was the only excuse that came to my mind. The word commitment seem to scare most men away. I wondered if Philip would be different. He stood there for a moment, then walked over to the car. I figured to drive me to the airport in silence, after all I did not expect to keep the car he gave me after what seem to be our breakup. Instead he surprised me.

"Marry me Andrea," He said, with a smile that looked angelic.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. Marry me?" He asked leaning toward me, his blue eyes melting into mine.

"Okay," I said knowing that was too far into this to get out, and I knew I did love him. How could I not after everything he had done for me?

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me. I felt like that everything might somehow would work out. Shane had been a school-girl crush but now I had a man who wanted nothing except to take care of me. A man who I did enjoy being with, and loved for providing for. I knew he did not have to do that. If I had only know then I would fall madly in love with his best friend. How could I see that one coming? I couldn't because my love for Milton was such a gradual process.

But I know I would have never said those vows to Philip if I had not plan to keep them. Just something about Milton made it completely impossible to keep them. After getting to know each other it seem easy and obvious that we were meant to be together.

Closing my eyes I thought about Milton now. Our first kiss at Clarie's birthday party. I spent all my time planning her a big outdoor party with bouncy houses and a picnic out on the lawn. To my dismay there weather had other plans.

All day it was pouring down rain.

I was ready to cancel the party and just order a pizza when I found out Milton moved the party to his mansion. Walking instead to see an extra room set up like a fairytale castle was too much. There were pink and gold balloons, paper castles, a beautiful pink and gold cake, pink number ones everywhere and everything a little girl could want. Even if my daughter was too young to know she was having a party as Philip pointed.

"You didn't have to do this," I said glazing up at Milton, tears building up in my eyes.

"You know how I feel about Claire. I wanted too. Besides I know you wanted her first birthday perfect," he whispered showing me all the decorations. In that moment I realized that he loved me and Claire as his own. Everything was so clear. He thought of me as his wife and her his daughter.

Philip and I had survived Shane coming back into the picture before our wedding, yet we couldn't survive through this. Because Milton and I had this unique understanding that I never had with anyone. Words really could not explain it.

"Philip said to cancel and you do this for me. You always go big for me," I said leaning over slowly kissing his lips.

Milton said nothing but slowly returned my kiss. Our lips felt like they belong together.

With one kiss I knew that marriage would probably be over because I was in love with this man.

"We can't do this," Milton said finally letting go of my embrace. I stood there for moment knowing I would be putting on show for the rest of the day. No one could know that we had shared that kissed.

Of course that had just been the beginning of my relationship with Milton. Now I was laying here trapped by insane husband. You were so wrong, I thought.

Wrong for cheating on Philip and wrong for entering the relationship in the first place.