15 Years Later Chapter 7
Update: Hey all, I've decided after somewhat careful consideration to continue this story, and I hope the few of you who read and enjoy will continue to do so.
I'd like to thank the few kind individuals who reached out and commented and PM'd positive words and support, it meant a lot and inspired me to keep going despite those who dislike everything this story has going for it. Haters gonna hate no matter what, I guess!
Rated MA for language, possible triggers, and lemons.
I do not own "The Hunger Games" and all rights belong to the Author.
Written in multiple POV's.
*Katniss's POV*
I knew this would be somewhat awkward, but sheesh. Peeta and Gale do not look happy, although at least they're being civil.
It may have been a mistake for us to invite Gale into our home, and may have been his mistake to stay here instead of at the one and only inn in town, but what can we say? Southern hospitality. And I certainly won't turn a lifelong friend away after inviting him here because of a little awkward tension.
I can't exactly decipher either of their facial expressions or their body language, but I do know that Gale and Peeta haven't exactly been the best of friends, and that Gale may still harbor feelings for me, for the townie – seam divide that really no longer exists, and for the institution that built the "fancy" house we're sitting in at this very moment.
But he really ought to be over that by now, right?
I kissed Peeta goodbye as he put his plate down in the sink and gathered his apron and his hat.
"Have a good afternoon at work love, don't work too hard." I said happily.
"I love you too, honey," He said as he gave me a kiss on the cheek, "have a nice afternoon, I'll see you later." He then turned to Gale and said kindly, "I hope you enjoy your first afternoon back in 12, please don't hesitate to make our home your own."
"I appreciate it, Thanks" Gale replied calmly, turning to me as Peeta walked out and made his way down the front lawn and into town.
"So, shall we?" I said, not wanting to sound too excited to finally be able to clear the air and head out to the woods.
"Let's do it," Gale said firmly, putting his jacket on and making his way to the door.
I followed him out and locked the door behind us, putting on my jacket and picking up my bow and arrows as I went, not having noticed before that Gale had left his equipment at the door. I caught up to Gale soon enough.
"You know, you may have the unfair advantage here," I said, "This crossbow must have cost you a fortune." I looked at the bow, shiny and metallic, and his arrows which were also made of the same metal, not unlike those which I had practiced with before the games…
"Just one of the maaaannyyyy perks of being a district commander…" He said jokingly, "Along with the shitty quarters and unpaid overtime."
"Oh, it can't possibly be that bad, Gale."
"It isn't that bad, but it could be better, I could use more time off." He spoke calmly as we headed towards the forest, and I noticed a change in his attitude and mood now that we were getting out of town.
"What would you do if you had more time off? Go hunting?" I asked, genuinely interested in what he would need more time off for, being single, childless, and generally not having any other obligations.
"I'd go hunting, yeah, and maybe spend more time in 12."
"In 12? I thought you hated it here."
"And what gave you that impression?"
"Well you not coming back until now must mean you hate it here, so why spend more time here, then?"
"Hey now, I never said I hated it, my duties have just been occupying me since the rebellion… besides, there isn't much here for me anymore… except for you, and some old friends."
"So there's more for you in 2?"
"I… I don't know if I'd say that…"
"Well I'm sure your duties are important, but couldn't you do that stuff anywhere? In any district? I guess what I'm trying to say here is, why not come home? If you'd really like to spend more time here and you're not just saying that to make me not feel so old-fashioned living here."
"Home… here? To 12? Why would I do that? It's not like anyone wants me… or misses me here." He spoke softly now, with a voice full of… sadness? Or regret?
"Gale, you're a hero. People here love you. You're invaluable to us and… we don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you again…." Ooh… maybe I shouldn't have let that slip. But there was no denying that I did miss him, as a friend, hunting partner, confidant. Not that I didn't have most of those things and more in Peeta. "I've missed you here… as a friend. I can't help but regret the way the rebellion ended for us, but I really want to just move on from it and grow up…"
"Katniss…" Gale spoke softly, his voice raspy and deep. He grabbed my hand and hugged me tightly, holding me against his chest, "I'm so, so sorry, Catnip… I can never forgive myself for the pain I've caused you, the damage I've done to you, the amount of time I've spent pushing you to be something you're not, to love me when I didn't deserve you, hell, I still don't and probably never will deserve you, your kindness and your friendship, your forgiveness and your care, everything…" He pulled back and looked at me, red-faced and tense, "I didn't deserve your letter, your willingness to have me in your life again, after how I've treated you, but… I can't help but be so happy to see you, Catnip, I've missed you so much. I shouldn't have run off to another district so thoughtlessly, and it's not that I don't like 12, it's just that I don't know if it'd be best for me… or for us, our friendship, I mean, if I came back…"
"Gale… It's okay. I… I forgive you. It'd just be nice for things to be a little more like they used to be before the rebellion, you know?"
"Trust me, Catnip, I know…"
I didn't expect him to start crying or anything, but if there was ever a time for him to cry, I could tell by his emotions and his words that this would be it. He was always too fierce and fiery for me that I've never seen this side of him before. I don't even know how to react. We were at the edge of the forest now, where the electrified fence used to stand was now a modest wooden fence, painted delicately in the solid areas by Peeta and some other townspeople, covered in murals of sunsets, waterfalls, and animals. My eye caught onto movement a few hundred feet away.
"Shh… Gale, look! Over there…" I whispered, pointing to the area where, to my surprise and awe, I saw a giant black bear with two babies- cubs- grazing in a green area of herbs and plants, "Wow… They're kind of… beautiful… all together…"
"I never thought I'd see them so close to the fence… or what used to be. They are certainly beautiful…" he stayed quiet for a few moments and observed them, "…and probably dangerous. Let's just back away slowly and walk further down, maybe?" Gale said quietly and cautiously, and we walked away, using our hunter's instincts to be quiet on our feet. Eventually, we were far away enough, and I decided we'd walk along one of the nature trails right along the fence.
We walked and walked for miles, not talking, never passing any other hikers, in perfect but somewhat awkward silence. I thought about me and Peeta, and I worried about getting pregnant, I wondered if I ever would and if I would ever make Peeta truly happy if I couldn't. I thought about me and Gale, thinking about how much has changed, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of unfinished business… I wondered what he had meant when he said he didn't know if it would be best to come back to 12. So, I decided to break the silence.
"What did you mean before, when you said you didn't think it would be good to move back?"
"I just don't want to ruin things, Catnip," Gale said quietly but confidently, "Your life has only gotten better since I haven't been around. Look, you got married, you're a nationwide celebrity, you have a perfect home, a perfect life…"
"It's nowhere near perfect, Gale, and you know that," I interrupted him.
"Enlighten me, then," he said daringly, "You can tell me anything, you know that. What's wrong? You can't hide it from me forever, you know."
He was right. I did have a lot on my mind, I didn't think my life was even close to perfect, and I could tell him anything. He was my first and best confidant, after all.
"My life seems so full, but I still miss friends, normality, and just how things used to be. You wouldn't ruin anything if you came back, we could pick up being friends again and you could be back home and maybe start a life and a family here, so you should really consider it, Gale." I talked quickly but I meant it. "I'm married but even that's not perfect… this is so awkward to talk about…"
"I'm not forcing you to talk about it, but is everything ok? Is he treating you okay? He's not hurting you, is he?" I worried. I knew he wasn't good for her.
"No, he's not hurting me, far from it… I just… I want things for us that I never thought I wanted, and it bothers me that now that I've finally given in, I can't get pregnant…"
"It's not your fault." He said firmly, clearly feeling uncomfortable about it. I shouldn't have brought it up… "You know Catnip, I've never told this to anyone but… A few years ago, after I'd returned from a week volunteering duty in 7, I was out with a few friends and we had met up with a group of soldiers that had just gotten off of patrol duty. One of the younger soldiers, Sheila, caught my eye and we decided to secretly go on a few nights out- it's against the rules for me to be with any of my soldiers romantically, but I didn't care too much, I was at an admittedly low point in my career… so after a night of way too much alcohol, we ended up sleeping together, against both of our best judgements, and Sheila ended up finding out she was pregnant a few weeks after that night."
"It was a casual thing, I wasn't really serious about her. I ought to be ashamed of myself for admitting I didn't really care about her or the… baby… at first, but I started thinking about it more when she had to resign from her position before she started showing… and she, obviously, had to report to me every day, so she reported to me with her resignation. And I obviously let her resign without any theatrics or without letting any others have a clue of what was going on, because I would have lost my position if anyone found out. But I began to feel so guilty about her raising the child on her own, and the child being without me, its father. I remembered the time when I had lost my father and felt so evil for even considering leaving my child without, even though I wasn't in love with Sheila and I didn't have any intentions to marry her."
"I ended up going to her apartment a few days before she was scheduled to board a train and move back to 4, to be with her parents, and I tried to reason with her to stay in 2 and let me financially support her so that I could at least see my son and be a part of his life. At this point, she was 5 months pregnant and she had known it was a boy, and she had decided to name him Shawn when he was born. She wouldn't listen to me, though, and she made it clear that I would have no part of our son's life, because I didn't love her and I didn't want to accept full responsibility for her and my unborn son. She was mad at me for not wanting to marry her, but she couldn't understand that I didn't truly love her, and that I would only hurt her more being married to her out of tradition than out of love…"
"The night before she was supposed to go back to 4, and I desperately tried to plead with her one last time to stay in 2. I told her how I truly felt, I told her I wanted to be there as a father for our son and that I truly loved and wanted our child, that I didn't resent her for keeping the baby, that he was simply an unexpected gift and that I was proud to be an expectant father, proud of the life we'd created together. But she didn't believe me. She stayed insistent on going back to 4, and I really couldn't stop her."
"The next morning, I'd woken up to a missed call from her and I was hoping that she'd changed her mind, so I raced over to her apartment… and I found her in the bathroom, weeping uncontrollably, laid in the bathtub… she had had a miscarriage and was bleeding terribly. I know that a million thoughts went through my head, but all I remember thinking was that I wouldn't be a father after all. I remember thinking that even though our son was unexpected and unplanned, and admittedly unwanted by me for the first few months that we knew of his existence, I desperately wanted him alive, I wanted him to be healthy and safe, I wanted so badly in that moment to hold him in my arms and feel the ultimate satisfaction of having created another life from your own, of raising him as my own, but I would've been happier than I was at that gruesome moment even if his mother had left with him safely in her womb, awaiting his normal and safe birth and life. I would have still been happier than I was in that moment if he'd grown up to have kids of his own, even if I would have never seen him again. I would have rather had any possible outcome that involved him being alive and healthy than having what happened that day happen…"
"I learned and knew in that moment the absolute power that a child can have over you, Katniss, the absolute love that you can have for them that transcends your selfish desires… and I decided that it was my ultimate goal and probably my ultimate purpose on this earth to make up for the life that I created and lost… if that makes sense… and I don't know if that's somehow what you're feeling, but if it is, I understand completely. Be prepared for them. They will change your life whether you want it to change or not, for better or for worse, and you'll never look at yourself the same way again, either."
"Gale... I'm… I'm so, so sorry… I don't even know what to say…" I said, whispering, as tears started falling down my face for the first time in, well, a few days.
I sat down at the base of a humongous oak tree in shock of not only the fact that Gale had fathered a child but also of his loss and of his almost unbelievable depth of love for his lost son… I always knew Gale wanted children one day, but I didn't know he was even capable of feeling anything that deeply… he was always so tough and enduring… wow.
I really was at a loss for words… so much so, that I hadn't even noticed how disgustingly nauseous and sweaty I was feeling.
Before I could process what the problem could be, I kneeled over and started puking up lunch.