For You

After a short while, I finally calmed down. Kotori told me that I should probably go home for today – she'll just tell Umi that I wasn't feeling well. To be honest, I didn't want to. Going home, and being alone in my room would most likely make me think about Maki. But maybe that's what Kotori wanted me to do – for me to think about it. So I took the offer and headed home.

With my mind free from distractions for the first time today, I thought about my conversation with Maki. I must've said something for her to say those things – she's not the type to lash out just because she's shy or sad, at least, I don't think she would. So surely, it was me.

Did my feelings for her somehow made me tell her of insensitive things? Like how Nico wasn't really fit for her? Or maybe that Maki should simply get over her? Or maybe…

No. Even I'm not that insensitive to tell her that – distracted or not.

Then why? As far as I could remember, all I've been telling her was to have a talk with Nico. I've seen how the two of them were since they started going out, back in μ's. I might not like to admit it, but they were close – they understood each other; they were there for each other. And I've accepted that. With the second Love Live, the issue of whether or not to continue as μ's, and every day practices, I didn't have time to think about anything else. Not to mention that Eli nominated me her successor as the Student Council President. I've kept myself busy from thinking about their relationship that I was able to accept it without feeling hurt that much.

Kotori noticed though, that I've been doing more Student Council work than usual, so I asked her about it. I've told her about it up front – that I think Maki to be cute and has a very lovable singing voice. But that wasn't all – that, when I think about her, there's this weird fluffy feeling deep inside that I didn't understand. She apologized for pushing Maki with Nico; that she should've noticed my feelings for Maki, and at the same time, told me that it might not simply be a crush.

I told her then not to worry about it – I truly was happy for my friends to be together. It'd pass sooner or later. I've convinced myself that I might simply be jealous of their relationship itself – wondering how it'd feel to be in love and be loved. It didn't have to be Maki, just because she was my first crush. Coming up with a convenient answer, I settled for that – putting the subject at the back of my mind. But now that it had risen once more, I'm not so sure anymore. I realized that I might like Maki more than I had thought I did.

But then, what do I do now?

"She wants you to be selfish. She found favor with a famous designer, and no one would tell her to stay. The only one who can be selfish with her is…"

Umi once told me that when we were making up at the auditorium. It was when Kotori was to leave to study abroad. I wonder if I could be selfish with Maki too? Would it be alright to take advantage of this moment and have Maki's heart for myself?

"Sis! It's dinner time!"

I must've been in thought for so long that I didn't notice it get late already. I wasn't really feeling hungry, so I told Yukiho that I ate out with Umi and Kotori. She didn't seem to buy my excuse but she didn't push and left me alone. I went back to my bed and lied down – hugging a pillow close, and burying my face in.

Some nights, I just randomly hug my pillow like this and imagine that it was the crook of Maki's neck I'm buried in, her waist I'm hugging, and her warmth I'm feeling from the whole gesture. I'd whisper her name out, tell "her" how pretty she is, how nice her voice sounds, how sweet she smells when we randomly pass by each other in the hallways. How much I love her.

I've known all along. It wasn't a simple crush I've been feeling for Maki, but how was I supposed to admit that? Maki and Nico were going out, Kotori had thought that I simply had a crush on her, and the others also seemed to be pushing the two of them together. If they found out, things might feel awkward at μ's. So I acted as how I was before I figured that my feelings for Maki weren't simply on the basis of a simple fancy. Before I knew that I loved her all along.

And for some time, I was content to be in my own world – imagining, fantasizing, dreaming. But the third years graduated and there seemed to be some conflict between Maki and Nico. Then they finally broke up.

I was torn. I knew that I should be sad – my two friends had just broken up after all, but I felt that it was ok for me to be happy. I could finally tell her, without it being awkward anymore. But then, I saw her crying in the music room, and I didn't feel like telling her anymore – knowing of how I felt for her wasn't what she needed at the time. So instead, I tried to comfort her – told her to try talking it out with Nico. (They weren't exactly honest with their feelings after all.)

Then everything crashed. She knew all along – of what I felt for her. I didn't know what to do – should I deny it or just finally say it for myself. But then she started calling me out on things, and I felt hurt. And before I knew it, I lost the chance to admit loving her. Was this what happened because I felt happy they broke up? Should I not have fallen for her?

"I'm sorry, Maki…"

A pink phone placed beside a pillow was ringing in a silent, and dimly-lit room. Slender fingers picked the phone up, checked who was calling, and answered the phone, with a slight smile on her face.

Nozomi had called Nico after she had been sure that Nico was done with her practice. She had an idea of what truly was happening, and it didn't do anyone harm to confirm, so she did. She had explained to Nico of what Honoka had told her, and was smiling when her idea was close to what happened.

"Those two really need to talk it out."

"What do you mean?"

"Maki wasn't sad because we broke up. We didn't really love each other like that."

"Then why?"

"We were talking on the phone on my break, and she was telling me about Honoka, more so than usual. I was really tired then, so I kind of snapped. "At the rate that you're going, even if you do confess, Honoka wouldn't like you back!" I didn't think it'd make her cry though."

"If you knew about her feelings for Honoka, then why did the two of you go out?"

"I kept on telling you guys that we weren't really going out then, but you guys insisted, so we just went along. She said that she wanted to try moving on from Honoka, and I was sure that I didn't like Maki like that, so I said yes. And I figured maybe Honoka would tell Maki her feelings if we got her jealous."

"You also knew that Honoka likes Maki?"

"That's why I said that they should really just talk. Seriously, those two…"

A/N: And that's that! I might write an epilogue, but then again even I'm not sure if I'd want to or need to. Thanks for reading. :)