Sixteen and Pregnant
Part two
Looking at her picture doesn't make anything go away. It doesn't solve anything or change anything. God, if I could go back and change things, I would; but I can't. That night is still fresh on my mind. I still have the note she left that night. I don't know why I am still holding onto it. Maybe I'm hoping that one day she will come back and have a change of heart, but so far, there has been no such luck and here I am, sixteen and stuck with a child I can barely afford. I should've burned her picture a long time ago. But I figured Madison would want to know who her mother is. A beeping noise coming from my computer signaled that I had a new message brought me back to reality. I clicked the Inbox button, and there it was in black and white: One new message… I didn't recognize the email address but the subject line read: PLEASE READ, MAX I opened the email and started to read:
Max,
Hi, it's me, Ava. I know it's been a while and I know you probably hate me and you have every right to do that. Look, I'm sorry for what I did; I had no choice. How is Madison? Is she okay? How big is she getting now? I don't expect a reply to this email. I really don't expect anything from you. I know you moved and I was certainly surprised that I even remembered your email address so I could email you. At first, I felt I couldn't make myself sit down and write this email. I know I'm probably the one person you hate in the world right now and I can totally understand why. It was either, give her to you or give her to complete strangers and I couldn't do that my own child. I couldn't let her go to complete strangers. I can't change the past and I can't change the decisions I've made. I want you to know that I still care about you; I always have and I probably always will. You were the only person who ever truly loved and cared about me. And I realize that I've hurt you and I'm sorry for that. If you don't ever read this email, that's okay, and if you delete it, then that's okay too. You should, you have every right to ignore me. I just wanted you to know that I don't ever stop thinking about you or Madison.
Ava
I leaned back in the desk chair and held my hand over the mouse. Decisions, decisions, I thought to myself. Should I delete it? Should I ignore her? Should I reply back? Instead I clicked save email and saved it in one of my folders for later. How could she tell me all this now? One email can't really change a thing she'd done. She left, just walked away from me and Madison when times were rough. Was she really considering giving her up for adoption without telling me? I threw my books off my desk in pure frustration and they hit the floor with a soft thump. "Max?" my sister calls out softly as she poked her head in the door.
"What?" I snapped quietly at her. I could feel the rage building up and I knew it was going to explode unless I did something about it.
She frowns as she moves into the room hesitantly. "Is everything okay?" she asked quietly.
"It's fine and dandy. I need some air," I said briskly as I stood up and pushed my way around her and headed downstairs and out the door. I didn't realize I had been walking for a long time. I ended up in some kind of park, where I noticed someone sitting on a bench. As I came closer I realized it was Liz sitting there. "Liz?" I said softly. She looked up at me with tears in her eyes. She quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand.
"Max, hey," she replied with a sad smile.
"Do you mind if I sit down?" I asked softly. She shook her head no in response and moved over to make room for me to sit down.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"I was just taking a walk, how about you?" I asked. For some reason or another, I wanted to reach over and wipe her tears away and tell her everything would be okay. I also wanted to pull her into my arms and comfort her. She kept wiping her eyes with the back of her hand so finally I leaned over and took the hem of my shirt and reached up and wiped her tears. The action startled us both a little, because she was probably not expecting me to do such a thing and neither was I. "I really don't like seeing you cry, Liz. What's really wrong?" I asked her softly.
She sighs. "Anything and everything, actually; do you have all night?" she asks in return.
I nodded. "I've got all night," I told her. She looked up at me and smile. She had the most beautiful smile and I believed that she shouldn't go a day without smiling.
"I don't know what to do. My mother wants to ship me off to Florida, my father won't speak to me and then there's Kyle. He thinks sending me a check will solve everything, but it doesn't. I'm beginning to think that adoption is the best thing for this baby," she replied. But I knew that from deep down that that was not an option for her. I also knew that deep down that was not what she wanted.
"Is that what you really want, Liz?" I asked her.
She shrugs. "Yes and no," she replies. I took a deep breath and pulled out of my pocket a picture of Madison. I handed it to her. "She is adorable! Is she related to you?"
I nodded again. "Yes, that's, um, that's my daughter Madison," I said softly. She looked at me with curious eyes before it turned to confusion.
"You…you have a daughter?" she asked.
"Yes, I do. Her name is Madison and she is almost a year old," I told Liz. Liz looked at the picture and smiled.
"She looks just like you, Max. So, is she, um, is she here with you?" she asked.
"Yes. Her mother decided that she didn't want to be a mom and she left her on my doorstep. I wonder and think every single day: what if we would have decided to give her up? And then I realized that if we had, I would have never known her. I would have missed every precious moment with her. I had to make the decision to be the parent and face the consequences. Looking at you right now tells me that I know you don't want to give this baby up. You're not that type of person, Liz. I'm not going to tell you what to do and I'm not making any decisions for you. Hell, I've only known you for a couple of weeks." She laughed at that and gently rubbed her pregnant stomach. I could see all the love generating out of her for this baby. She would turn out to be a much better mother than Ava would have. Suddenly I envisioned Liz as Madison's mother.
"Do you think that I should go to Florida?" she asked me, interrupting my thoughts.
"That's really up to you, Liz. That's your decision to make. You're the one carrying this baby. I know our parents think they know what's best for us, but I think you should do what's in your heart," I responded. She unexpectedly leaned over and hugged me tightly.
"Thank you, Max," she says softly.
"Thank me for what, Liz?" I asked her.
"For just being here for me when you really didn't need to be," she replies softly.
I shrugged one last time. "That's what friends are for," I told her softly.
"Oh, and tell your sister I said thanks. She stood up for me when she really didn't have to," she tells me. I had no idea that Isabel had done such a thing, but from the look on Liz's face, it obviously meant a lot to her.
"I'll make sure to tell her," I said with a final nod.
But I was ultimately surprised when she made a suggestion. "Do you want to go get a piece of mince and blackberry pie at the Crashdown? It will be my treat. And I promise that I will share and not eat the entire piece," she said with a teasing smile as she rubbed her pregnant belly.
"Well, you're eating for two, so I wouldn't mind if you're a little bit greedy," I said with a teasing smile back. She throws her head back and laughs softly and I helped her stand up.
At the Crashdown Café, we ate mince and blackberry pie, and talked and laughed. It was like we had known each other for years. I felt comfortable around Liz. I felt like I could push all of my worries away. We didn't realize that it was so late until her mother came up to us in her robe and looked like she had been through hell and back. "Elizabeth, do you realize what time it is?" she asked in an angry tone.
"I'm sorry, Mom. I, uh, I lost track of the time," she replied in a quiet voice.
"Young man, go home," she demands to me. I nodded my head yes and stood up, looking over at Liz.
"I'll see you, at school, Liz?" I asked her. She nodded her head yes in response. "Goodnight, ladies." I waved to both of them and quickly left the diner.
Liz
"So, who is the boy?" my mother asks sternly as she cleans away the dishes Max and I used. I rolled my eyes at her back. I already know what she is thinking, but I don't need this right now. This is the first time in a long time that I've felt like I've had someone to talk to other than Maria, of course. Max is the first person that has made me smile besides Maria in a long time.
"He's just a friend from school, Mom," I told her as I walked around her and headed towards the backroom, where I waddled up the stairs as slowly as possible.
"I don't want you meeting any boys this late, Elizabeth," she said as she followed me up the stairs.
I sighed as I kept going up the stairs. "We were just talking, Mom, it's not that big of a deal," I told her.
"That's how you got yourself into this situation in the first place, Elizabeth. You were fooling around with a boy you barely know," she says but I just tune her out and head into my room. Doesn't she get it by now? Max isn't like Kyle at all, in any shape or form. He's just an ordinary boy. He is so different and the way I felt around him tonight is something different, something I have never felt, not even when I was with Kyle. I shut my door and leaned on it, hearing my mother's soft footsteps retreat towards her and Dad's room. Suddenly I feel like eating that pie was a bad idea. I quickly ran to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet after noisily putting the seat up and throwing up my guts. After I was done, I came out of the bathroom and heard my cell phone going off. I quickly grabbed it off the dresser near the doorway and opened it to read: ONE NEW MESSAGE. It was probably from Maria, but when I opened the message, I realized that it wasn't my best friend, but Kyle instead.
Liz, can we talk? Text me back, please…
I held the phone in my hand and stared at the screen as I tried to figure out what to do. What do I say? I quickly started writing back to him: I don't care what you have to say, Kyle, go away! I pressed SEND and not even ten seconds later, there was a reply.
Please, I really want to talk to you… His text message sounds like he's begging for my forgiveness for dragging him into this mess but I can't go back and forget that night. I really don't want to talk to him, either. I closed the phone after reading the message and shut the power off and threw it onto the dresser with reserved anger. I had nothing to say to him. I looked over and saw the check he had given me sticking out of the drawer. This is all I'm worth to him? I asked in a quiet anger. I'm just worth a lousy check for only five hundred dollars? I wonder if this will be the only one I get from him or his father. I should just take it down to his father's office, just march right in there and rip it up in front of him and throw the little pieces at him and tell him and his son to stick it where the son doesn't shine! I needed to calm myself down before I let something happen to the baby. I take deep, soothing breaths, one after another, and started thinking about Max. I also started thinking about some of the things he said. "Liz, you deserve better than Kyle. One day you will find someone who will treat you with love and respect and devotion and they will love you and your child no matter what." I sighed and wondered if that could really happen to me. Could that wish come true for me? I sat down on my bed and looked down at my pregnant belly. "We don't need your stupid daddy, baby; we will be just fine on our own. And we definitely aren't going Florida," I said in a whisper as I rubbed my stomach in gentle circles.
Ava
God, I'm already getting sick of the bus ride. If I had a car and a driver's license, I would have driven myself. In my hand, I held the only picture I had of Madison. It was the first picture they'd taken of her at the hospital where she was born. I clutched it to my heart as I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. God, I can't wait to see how much she has grown. For months I've debated about doing this, and for months I have been trying to contact Max, but he just keeps blocking my emails and when I try to call the only number I have, it's disconnected. It took me forever to find out that he had moved to some crappy little town in New Mexico called Roswell. I opened my eyes when I heard the soft voice next to me ask, "Is that your little girl?"
I smiled and looked at the picture again. "Yes, it is," I replied.
"Are you heading to Roswell?" he asks quietly.
I nodded. "Yes, I am. My daughter is there with her father," I told him.
He nods in response, mulling over my reply. "That's cool. My cousin is there and I'm going to surprise her with a visit," he tells me.
"Do you know how much longer until we get there?" I asked with a groan as I tried to situate myself in the seat.
"We've still got a long way to go. Hey, maybe when we get there, I can show you around town," he suggests with a smile.
"Sure, I would like that," I replied.
"Cool! By the way, I'm Sean," he said as he holds his hand out for me to shake, which I did with slight hesitation.
"I'm Ava," I told him.
"That's a very pretty name," he tells me.
"Thanks," I replied as I looked out the window and watched everything go by super fast. My stomach is in knots and questions keep running through my head: Will Max forgive me? How will he react when he sees me? Will Madison even know who I am? God, I ruined everything and messed everything up for myself and for Madison! I'm such a fool, but I realize that at this moment, I have a chance to make things right. I have a second chance and a new beginning. I just hope and pray that it's not too late.