"Hey, you! Rise and shine! We got work to do."

"Mmmmnngh..."

"I said, GET UP!"

"Go away, I was having the best dream," I mumble without even bothering to opening my eyes.

"I bet you were," I heard the person giggling right before I felt a hand smack me in the crotch. HARD.

"MOTHERFU-" I fell out of the bed before I could finish, grabbing my groin in pain. I reached up to the night stand where my glasses where, gritting my teeth in rage, "I swear to Christ Hector you better start running because I'm going to murder you!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

I froze, that's not Hector. Or any of the guys.

I finally put my glasses on and looked up. Standing before me was a girl. A girl wearing a light pink dress (though it looked more like a nightie) that ended right over her thighs, with bubble gum pink hair, and piercing emeral eyes.

Oh and a pair of wings.

…...

…...

…...I took off my glasses and wiped them off before putting them on again to make sure I was seeing right; sure enough there was a girl in pink with wings standing in my room while I was sitting on the floor in my boxers. Also I was pretty sure she just smacked my junk.

Gonna be one of those dreams, I took of my glasses and put them back on the night stand before crawling back into bed.

"Ummm hello? I'm still here," the girl said confused.

"Yeah well you're not real. So why don't you pull in the magical pink elephant you flew in with, or whatever the fuck it was, and let me go back to sleep so that this dream can end," I muttered pulling the covers back in my head, "I need to stop drinking before going to sleep..."

Suddenly I felt the covers being torn off of me. Before I could complain I felt something pushing me down and pinning my arms over my head before straddling my waist. I looked up only to see two dark green eyes staring straight into my soul.

"Still think this is a dream?"

"There's a scantily clad girl in pink with wings straddling me in my bed; how could this be anything but a dream?"

She sighed and shook her head, "guess I don't have a choice."

*SMACK*

I felt my cheek sting in pain as the girl slapped me across the face. I was stunned, my mind trying—and failing—to process what was going on. One thing was for sure: that slap, and the pain that followed, were definitely real.

That means...this isn't a dr—

*SMACK*

"OW!" I yelled after she slapped the other side of my face, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!"

"That was for ignoring me earlier," she stuck out her tongue.

"Stop slapping me and get off me before I—" I suddenly froze, my mind finally catching up to what was actually going on.

There is a girl in my apartment...

There is a girl in my bed...

There is a half naked girl straddling me in my bed...

I could feel the blood rushing to my brain threatening to blow it into overdrive (as well as other parts of my body that will not be mentioned). My head began to feel very light and the room was spinning around me.

"Hey, hey! Don't you pass out on me!" The girl snapped her fingers in front of my face.

Too late, my eyes were already rolling to the back of my head.

"God damn it," was the last thing I heard before everything went black.

A rush of cold water pouring over me jolted me awake, causing me to cough and hack as some of the water went into my mouth.

"Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey!" A sing song voiced chirped in front of me. I looked up and saw the same girl from before smiling at me while holding a now empty bucket over my head, "nothing like a cold shower to start the day!"

"That wasn't so much a shower as just some crazy bitch dumping a bucket of water over my head," I muttered.

"I'm sorry, would you rather it be boiling water? Because I would have no problem with that," she puffed her cheek in annoyance.

"Just give me the bucket—gah!"I tried to grab the bucket from her only to find my hands were constricted. Looking down I realized that I was no longer in bed, but strapped down to a chair with my arms and legs tightly bound with a lot of rope, "did you...did you seriously tie me to a chair?"

"Well I had to make sure you didn't pass out on me again and it seemed like the most sensible choice."

I sighed and closed my eyes, "all right fine, let's just get this over with. I don't have any money in the house, I just keep everything in the bank. You can take the computer and my phone if you want, I'm sure you can get a good price for those. I think I got some nice silverware in the kitchen if you—"

"Oh my god, shut up," she pinched her nose in annoyance, "I'm not a burglar and I don't want any of your shit. Just calm down for a second and listen."

"Fine, then untie me."

"Sorry?"

"If you're not going to steal anything and you don't want to hurt me, then untie me."

"I would, but I get the feeling that you would just try to run away and call for help."

Okay so she's definitely not stupid, I have that against me...

"But I'll tell you what: I'll untie one of your legs as a sign of good faith. All I ask is that you listen to what I say, and then I'll untie your other limbs. Deal?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Not really, no."

"Then deal."

"Good, now we're getting somewhere," she knelt down and I could feel the binds on my left leg beginning to loosen and unravel.

"Okay, now let's get the obvious out of the way: who are you and what are you doing in my apartment?" I asked flexing my leg once it was free.

"What? Don't you recognize this adorable face?"

"Actually no. I can't see shit without my glasses so right now I'm just seeing a pink blur," I answered calmly.

"Oh. Gimme a minute," she walked off towards my bed, looking for the aforementioned eyewear, "whoa, this things are thick! Just how blind are you?"

"Very. Please don't play around with—"

"Ack! So strong! I can see the fucking future in these things!" She suddenly appeared in front of me again, placing the glasses on my face, "man your vision must suck all kinds of ass."

"Thank you," I said bitterly, trying to focus now that I had my glasses back.

"Anyway as a show of good faith, I'll untie your other leg," she said getting to work on it

As soon as my vision cleared she was done untying me, causing her to bring her face extremely close to mine, making me feel even more uncomfortable; yet there was something about her that seemed oddly familiar.

"Now that you mention it... have we met before?"

She giggled and placed a finger on her cheek while giving me a coy wink, "it's Kyu, from the bar. Remember?"

"Wait...you mean from the bar last night?"

"Yep."

My memory immediately brought forth images of a young woman with messy brown hair, a red cocktail dress, and no wings. Not surprisingly, the images I was remembering did not match up with what I was currently staring at. So I was, understandably, a bit skeptical; that being said I was also tied and bound to a chair so I decided to play along lest something bad happened to me.

"Right, Kyu. Dumb question, why is your hair pink?"

"Because that's my natural hair color, duh."

"Yeah but you had brown hair last night. Also, you didn't have wings."

She ruffled my hair, "clever disguise right? I can change my hair color to whatever color I want. It's pretty sweet."

"So can everyone else. It's called hair dye."

She frowned, "well you're a dick. What I was trying to get at is that I can do it with magic."

"...excuse me?"

"If you can't tell by now, I'm a fairy. Well, a love fairy to be exact."

Oh good lord I'm dealing with a lunatic, The best thing I could have done at the moment was just play along, calmly agree with everything the crazy girl said, and hope that she would eventually leave.

But I'm not exactly the smartest bulb in the shed when it comes to tense situations...

"Ooooh a love fairy. Well why didn't you say so?" I said before I could stop myself, sarcasm oozing from every word that came out of my mouth, "since you were honest I feel like I should be too: I'm actually a magical platypus that rides rainbows on a skateboard."

She narrowed her eyes at me, sending a chill up my spine as I was sure that she was going to hurt me for that last remark. Then, her face scrunched up as her lips began to quiver and her eyes began to water.

"H-hey I didn't mean to—"

"You're so mean!" She cut me off, stomping her foot on the ground, "I just wanted to help you and you...you...you're a jerk! Whatever, I don't care anymore!" She stormed out of the room.

"Wait, untie me!" I called out in vain while I struggled against the ropes holding my arms down. I heard a door opening, but realized that it wasn't the front door. Looking up I saw that she was standing outside my balcony; or rather, over the railing outside my balcony.

"HEY!" I yelled getting on my feet with the chair still strapped behind me. I waddled as fast as I could towards the balcony, "GET DOWN FROM THERE!"

She jumped off.

I screamed and charged out the door and into the balcony, though I knew it was pointless; we were roughly 30 stories high, and with the head start she had I would be lucky if I saw anything but a pink and red stain in the pavement.

Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god... I am so going to jail...also someone is dead.

Tentively I looked over the railing to check the damage.

Only to be greeted by a pair of emerald eyes and a shit eating grin looking up at me, "boo."

"GAH!" I jumped back and fell on my back with enough force to shatter the chair. I groaned in pain, every muscle and bone in my body flaring up.

"So, do you believe me now?"

I looked up and saw Kyu floating in the air in front of my balcony, her wings fluttering so fast that they were basically silver blurs behind her. I lifted my hands to my face—still tied to the broken pieces of the armrests by the way—and rubbed my eyes furiously to make sure I wasn't seeing things. I wasn't.

"You're...a fairy..."

"Again, love fairy."

My mind was practically about to break in half, if it hadn't already; after all, everything so far suggested that I was insane. So, as it was, I had three choices: go with whatever was happening, ignore it and turn myself in to the nearest mental clinic, or jump off the balcony.

"Okay, I'll bite: what exactly is a love fairy?"

"Good question, I'm glad you asked," she fluttered back into the balcony and landed gracefully in front of me. She extended her hand, "why don't we go inside? It's getting a little chilly for my taste."

"Yeah that tends to happen when you're not wearing pants," I eyed her pink nightie; though to be fair she did have amazing legs.

"Doesn't seem to bother you," she grinned. I cleared my throat nervously and took her hand, getting up and making my way back inside the apartment with her following me.

"Anyway, you were saying about being a love fairy?" I asked untying the broken armrests from my arms and sitting down on my bed.

"You see, as a love fairy, it's my job to help poor saps like you out with the ladies. It's just what I do. I don't like to brag, but I'll have you know I have a very impressive track record. All of my previous clients are basically walking babe magnets."

Thank god you don't like to brag or else I might have thought that sounded pretentious...

"You though," she cleared her throat, "how to put this gently...let's just say you will be my greatest accomplishment yet. My Mona Lissa, my Sistine Chapel, my Cambel´s Tomato soup if you will. It won't be easy, but if there's any fairy that can pull it off, it's me; oh who am I kidding? I am the ONLY fairy who could possibly pull this off."

I just sat there silently, barely able to process everything that she just said.

"Uuummm, hello? Did you get all that?"

I shook my head, "sorry, I just...I'm still having hard time processing the whole fairy thing. It kinda crushes my reality."

"Oh for fuck's sake," Kyu rubbed her temples in annoyance.

"Look forgive me for no immediately being fine after learning that fairies are real and that there is one in my bedroom right now. It's a little jarring to have your whole world view suddenly flipped over its head. It would be like finding out that aliens or animal people are real."

"Oh they're real."

"...what?"

"Aliens and animal people. They're crazy real, just like fairies."

"But...how?!"

She shrugged, "I'm a fairy, not a god. Though I could always aske the goddess of love if she knows anything."

"So now gods are real too?"

"Duh."

"….gimme a minute," I fell back into the bed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"You okay there dude?"

"Oh yeah, I'm totally fine. I always have an existential crisis at...actually what time is it?" I looked over at the clock on my bedstand, "5:30!? Why in god's name did you wake me up so early?!"

"Because we—or more accurately I—have a lot of work to do, and so far you haven't been making this any easier."

"What work?"

"Gods, what is it with you and all the questions? Can't a fairy help a brother out? Why can't you be like my other clients and just shut up and do what I say? They loved that."

"It comes with being a cynical asshole."

"No shit. Anyway, let's get down to business. How many dates have you been on?"

"I'm sorry what?"

She sighed and rubbed her temples, "okay here's how this is going to work; if I ask you again I'm gonna smack the shit out ya."

"Okay, okay!" I said raising my hands in case she decided to follow her threat.

"Good. Now answer the question."

I could feel my face getting hot as I look down to avoid looking at her in the eye, "well...you know...and amount."

"...oh my god. It's worse than I thought isn't it?"

"Depends, how bad do you think it is?"

"I don't know, I guess I was expecting one of those guys that does nothing but jack off to animated girls while playing dating sims and has never actually been closer than 20 feet from an actual woman that wasn't his mom. Though clearly you are worse; I mean seriously, a hot, half naked fairy appears in your "dream" and the first thing you do is go back to sleep," she snickered

For some reason that got to me. Maybe it was the way she said it or maybe it was just my anger at the whole situation finally overflowing. Either way I felt any potential embarrassment I had left leave my body and be replaced with anger.

"Okay back the fuck up, because you are wrong," I got up from my bed and pointed right at her smug face, "for your information, I have been on dates; in fact, I' e been on plenty of dates. They just turned into horrible disasters that resulted in the girl being hurt, both physically and emotionally."

It took me about a minute to realize what I had just said.

"You know now that I say that out loud, it doesn't sound all that impressive."

"Nope."

"In fact that just made it sound worse doesn't it?"

"Yep."

I put down my finger, which had been pointer at her the entire time, and did my best to suppress the blush I could feel crawling up my face, "well, this has been fun. Now that I have completely embarrassed myself again I'll just go to the kitchen and slit my wrists."

"Oh no you don't," she hooked her arm with mine and grinned, "not after that breakthrough you're not."

"Breakthrough? What are you talking about?"

"You do have a spine, meaning that there is some hope for you yet. I'm guessing that if we can make it come out more often, you might actually have a shot with the ladies. Will it be hard? Yes. Will it be impossible? No. Will I be able to do it? You bet your ass I will. Just give me a chance."

"Listen Lady, I appreciate the vote of confidence, even if it was a bit condescending, but trust me when I say that you are wasting your time. I've had friends and family try to help me, and they've all failed miserably. You may mean well, but good intentions aren't enough to solve this mess."

"Geez aren't we conceited? Look dude, I'm not doing this because of well intentions or from the bottom of my heart. I'm doing this because it's my job, and jobs pay. The harder the job, the greater the reward. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing this for me."

"In that case I take back everything I said except the part of you wasting your time. That stays."

"Dude, you're failing to see the point here. I have an actual incentive to help you. The better you do, the better I do. Plus, in case you've forgotten, I AM A FAIRY. Meaning I literally have magic ready at the tip of my fingertips. The way I see it, I might be the last chance you have to try and change your sad excuse of a love life and save you the time and money you will eventually spend on a mail order bride. So what do you say?"

"...you think you can actually help me?"

"If I didn't I wouldn't be here."

...I can't believe I'm doing this.

I sighed, "fine."

"Really?! Oh my god yes! Yes, yes, yes!" She let go of my arm and started jumping up and down the room.

"You seem oddly enthusiastic about this."

She realized what she was doing and stopped, clearing and throat and composing herself, "right, sorry about that. Anyway, let's get to business. First, I gotta see what I'm working with here."

Before I could ask what she meant she snapped her fingers and I felt my boxers drop on to the floor. I cried out in surprise and instinctively put my hands over my crotch.

"I said I needed to see what I was working with," she huffed in annoyance.

"Fuck no! There is no way you're looking at my dick!"

"Gee, I wonder why you're still a virgin?" She rolled her eyes.

"Oh blow me!"

"First time you've said that to a woman."

"...okay I walked right into that one."

"Ugh this is taking to long so forget it. I'll just check everything else," she began circling me, inspecting every part of my body closely. To say that I was feeling uncomfortable would be an understatement.

"Well it's definitely not bad," I heard behind me, "I mean you are in decent shape. You work out?"

"Just swimming and jogging three times a week plus eat healthy" I mumbled.

"Well it definitely shows. You've got a nice swimmer's build, especially your back," she patted my shoulders playfully, "though maybe you could use a little more muscle, especially your stomach. You need abs and fast, though it shouldn't be that hard; I mean you have like almost no body fat on you. We'll start with that tomorrow."

"I guess I could use the weight room at the gym..."

"Atta boy, now you're getting it! It will be hard, but I think we can make it work in a few months. Though fortunately you don't have to worry about this here," she slapped my ass playfully.

"Hey!" I reached back and grabbed my cheeks in annoyance. Then I realized what I had done and moved them back to my groin; unfortunately it was too late, as she was already standing in font of me grinning from ear to ear.

"Not bad rookie."

"Oh gods..."

"Hey you've got nothing to be ashamed of. I know a lot of guys who would kill to trade places with you. Not many black guys, but still."

"Okay, wow. That was incredibly racist."

She shrugged, "I'm a fairy, we transcend race."

"That doesn't make it any less racist."

"Anyway, let's move on to the hair. ALL of the hair," she said gesturing everywhere.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Dude you have a shag rug on your chest and one forming on your lover back, and your hair is so greasy and lifeless that even former president Trump is shaking his head in shame."

"I mean, that's just my body. I can't do anything about my genetics," I said defensively.

"Noooo, but you can do something about your appearance. Girls like it when a guy takes care of his appearance. Why? Because it shows that he cares what others say and then put the time and effort to look good. Very few girls like slobs that just blame "genetics" for everything and don't even try to fix their image. Think about it, if you were a chick, who would you rather spend the night with: David Beckham or Jack Black?"

"Hey Jack Black is funny."

She just crossed her arms and gave me a look that said, "really dude?"

"...David Beckham."

"Exactly. And you know why? Because he works for it. I mean, have you seen that ass? There's a reason why he wears such tight pants. You should definitely take a page from his book. Anyway, let's get started!"

"Ummmm..."

"What? Don't tell me you're still hesitant."

"Maybe a little."

"Oh my god," she sighed and pinched the bridge between her eyes and her nose, "looks like I'm going to have to give you a little taste."

She pointed her finger at my face and white sparks suddenly jumped through my glasses and into my eyes.

"ARRRH!" I yelled in pain grabbing my face, "OH GOD IT BURNS!"

"Oh calm down you big baby."

I pulled my hands away only to see that, well, I couldn't see. Everything was a huge blur, even worse than when I wasn't wearing my glasses.

"OH GOD I'M BLIND! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

She sighed and took my glasses off, "I calm down.."

"OH I'LL CALM DOWN WHEN I TEAR YOUR EYES OUT OF YOUR—" I froze when I saw Kyu's smirking face inches from mine holding up my glasses next her.

I could see. I could see everything. Every detail on her face was suddenly crystal clear, from the tiny pupils in her eyes to every individual strand of hair on her eyebrows. I turned around and scanned the room, focusing on objects that were close and far and discovering that I could see them perfectly.

"I...I can see..."

"Yep, perfect 20/20 vision. Hell, you might even be able to see a little in the dark too, " she said proudly.

I turned back to face her, "you...you did this? Why?"

"The glasses where holding you back dude. I mean, I know the "sexy geek" look is starting to grow on people, but I don't think you could pull it off with these or any glasses with lenses that thick."

I didn't say anything, still stunned about what had happened.

"No need to thank me, it's just part of my job. Hopefully this will prove that I am the best thing that will ever happen to—hey!"

Before I could stop myself I pulled her close into a tight hug, taking her completely by surprise. She was surprisingly light and smelled of strawberries and vanilla.

"Thank you. I can't...I can't even begin to tell you what this means to me..." I managed to choke out as I felt my eyes moisten up.

She chuckled and patted me on the back, "okay there champ, take it easy. Don't even worry about it, it was no problem at all. The important thing is to know whether or not you trust me now."

"Sorry," I mumbled pulling back, "I just...I got a little carried away there."

"Don't sweat it, happens to the best of us. So, are you interested in my help now?"

"Yes," I nodded.

"I should warn you though, this will not be easy. I have a strict program that must be followed to the end if accepted, and there is no going back. If you still want my help, then shake my hand," she extended her hand towards me.

That sounds...ominous. What am I doing? I should just tell her to take a hike. Clearly no good came come out of this. Just tell her no. JUST TELL HER NO.

"I might be the last chance you have..."

"...all right. I'm in!" I said taking her hand and shaking it. The moment I did I felt something like a spark between us, "wait, what was that? Kyu?"

She was gone, nowhere to be found. Suddenly my head felt very light and my eyelids very heavy.

It's okay...just go to sleep...just relax and let me take over... I heard inside my head.

Kyu? Is that you? Where...

Shhh...just go to sleep...I got a lot of work to do...

My eyes began to close, "sleep...sounds goood..."

I felt my consciousness sleep away.

Night, night...

"Rise and shine sleepyhead!"

"Guh!" I suddenly woke up, my mind suddenly racing, "what happened?!"

"Chillax dude," Kyu said next to me. I realized that we were still in my appartment, currently sitting on my bed, "I just took over your body for a while. No biggie."

"That sound terrifying!" I said getting up.

"Oh chill, I didn't do anything dirty if that's what you're worried about."

"That's not—" I suddenly noticed that there was someone else on the other side of the room, standing there looking at me, "you brought someone over!?"

She didn't say anything but was apparently doing her best not to laugh.

"I don't believe this," I turned to face the person, "uummm hi. I'm sorry for...well what happened was...this is hard to explain, the thing is—"

I stopped, realizing that the man was moving the same way I was. I raised my hand and waved it, he did the same. I reached up and touched my face, and so did he.

That was when I realized that I wasn't looking at another man.

I was looking at my full body wardrobe mirror.

"What the—"

I walked closer, taking in everything before me. My hair was cut shorter, it was less greasy, and it looked purposely messed up with some kind of product. My eyebrows had been given a pluck, and I was completely clean shaven. I was wearing a white, slim dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up, a grey pair of dress pants that were perfectly fitted, and a pair of dark brown dress shoes.

"Pretty good eh?" Kyu said leaning her arm on my shoulder, "I just bumped you up from a 4 to an 8.5. You're welcome."

"H-how?"

"Like I said, you put some effort on your looks and it will show. Don't worry though, I'll teach you how to get to this on a daily basis. Oh and heads up, I lazered off most of the hair that wasn't on your head."

"I look gre—wait what?" I opened my shirt to see that all of the hair on my chest was now completely gone, "you lazered off my chest hair?"

"Trust me, you'll thank me in the long run; though you will need to go again a few more times for it to be permanent."

"But isn't that an expensive procedure?"

"Well..." Kyu laughed nervously.

I was about to press on when I noticed that bags all over my room; they were on my bed, on my table, on the floor, they were everywhere. I saw bags from H&M, Bannana Republic, Dolce and Gabanna, Gucci, Lemaire, John Elliot, Dino Hairdresser, Sephora, and many, many more. I even saw two different suit carriers from Armani hanging from dressing door.

"Kyu...how much did all of this cost?"

"I could tell you, but you're not going to like it."

"Tell me."

She did.

And I didn't like it.

Author's note: and so the quest begins! A man set out to conquer his fears accompanied by his fairy companion. What thrilling new adventure awaits for Link, the hero of—wait, this is the wrong script. Hold on. Okay here we go: and so begins the story of a man and his fairy companion setting out to get laid!

So we finally get the proper introduction of the fiary Kyu; a crude, hypersexualized nymph who, for some reason, seems very interested in helping our protagonist. Why? Fuck if I know. I guess well have to wait and see.

Also remember boys and girls, genetics don't need to dictate everything in your life. With a little determination, and a lot of money, you can overcome anything!

As always comments and critiques are welcomed below. See you soon!