Chapter 7: Mutiny
Imoen
"Where is Anomen?" Keldorn asked as Chauntia shut the doors in the dining room and moved to stand beside the serving table.
"He told Rana about the dwarf who came to escort her to the Mayor, but I haven't seen him since," Valygar replied from his seat at the dining table.
"Is he on watch?" Kivan asked.
"No, Haer'dalis is."
"Rana and Sarevok aren't here either," Valygar observed. "You made sure to have this little meeting while they're with the Mayor. Isn't that right?"
Imoen glared at the ranger. She hadn't wanted him, or Viconia, involved in this meeting at all, but Keldorn insisted that not involving them wasn't an option.
"Yes, that's true, Valygar. I wanted to speak with everyone before speaking to the two of them."
"Before we begin," Jaheira interrupted. "Chauntia, would you excuse yourself, please? We can manage our wine on our own right now."
Chauntia stiffened, and looked between Jaheira and Keldorn, perhaps hoping the paladin would allow her to stay.
"Why does her presence here bother you, Jaheira?" Valygar asked.
"She is a servant, not a member of this group."
"She is a member of this household, like the rest of us, including Rana and-"
"It's alright," Chauntia spoke over Valygar, cutting him off. "I don't mind. Should anyone need anything, I'll be in the kitchen."
Imoen watched the girl leave, and glanced at Jaheira, wondering if the druid was right about how close she and Rana had become.
Gee, no wonder she doesn't need me anymore. Not when she's got Sarevok, and Chauntia, and Valygar, and Viconia, and…
"I'd like to make it known," Safana drawled, "that I don't care if the servant stays. I don't want my food tampered with because Jaheira is feeling catty."
"Hold your tongue, harlot!"
"Harlot, am I? Careful dearest, your age is showing," Safana purred back.
"Alright," Keldorn cut in before a fight could break out. "I don't want to take up too much time here, so I need you all to listen."
Imoen took a deep breath, steeling herself for what she'd put into motion.
No, what Rana put into motion. I'm just dealing with the aftermath.
"As you all know by now, Rana awoke from unconsciousness last night. She, and Sarevok, are currently meeting with the Mayor. I've called you all together to discuss the crime she admitted to after she was attacked by another bhaalspawn. As well as another thing I've recently learned of."
She felt a moment of frustration that this was the first item on the agenda. While killing another bhaalspawn without provocation was bad, sleeping with the enemy was far, far worse in Imoen's mind.
"Rana's admission to killing that other bhaalspawn was meant for Sarevok and myself only," Valygar immediately growled. "It wasn't anyone's place to reveal that."
"You think murder should be kept private?" Jaheira snapped. "It doesn't matter that she hadn't meant for anyone else to overhear that. What does matter, however, is that you take offense to us knowing! You would have kept that secret? What else do you know, Valygar?"
"What Rana says to me in confidence is kept in confidence, Jaheira," Valygar spoke softly, staring the druid down before flicking a scathing look at Aerie, then Imoen. "I keep the secrets she asks me to keep, I will not apologize for upholding my end of a friendship."
"While I don't like the turmoil this has caused," Aerie interjected, "I will not apologize either for telling the group what I heard her say when she showed up on death's door, so to speak."
"Nor should you have to," Imoen hissed. "Had you not been nearby that night, and overheard what Rana said about killing that bhaalspawn and orphaning her kids by also killing the father, we would have never known."
"Are you going to also hold Rana accountable for killing that barbarian?" Valygar demanded. "Which she did in self-defense!"
"Or so she claims," Kivan replied. "For all we know, she sought him out as she did his mate."
"You suggest that she's lying, male?" Viconia asked archly. "Who are you to question her word?"
"She already lied about killing that woman in the first place. Trust a liar to defend a liar. As if murder matters to a creature like you, drow."
"You're right, it doesn't matter. Remember that next time you sleep, Kivan."
"Why wait until I'm asleep, coward? I have no qualms about putting you down right now."
Viconia stood up from her chair, and Kivan straightened from where he was leaning against the wall.
"Stop it, both of you!" Keldorn cried, slamming his fist on the table. "Or I'll kick you both out of this meeting!"
"Oh no, please don't expel me from this mutinous little soiree," Viconia sneered mockingly. "Where I defend our leader who's being questioned and persecuted behind her back. And you call me a coward. This reeks of drow behavior. Worry not, paladin, I'll show myself out."
Viconia slammed the door behind her as she left.
"You know she's likely on her way to tell Rana," Jaheira said.
"You really are a fool if you think this was going to stay quiet," Safana chuckled, using her knife to dig dirt out from under her nails.
"If I've given the impression that this was some form of mutiny, let me clarify that it is not," Keldorn bit out. "I have no intention of keeping this meeting a secret from Rana. I merely wished to talk with you all about recent developments before speaking directly with her."
"And for what purpose, Keldorn?" Valygar asked. "What did you hope to accomplish with this?"
The paladin stared wearily at the ranger for a moment. Something passed between them, which only irked Imoen further.
"When Rana wrote to you all, those of you who weren't already with us, I'm sure she explained why she needed your aid. To stop the bhaalspawn war and save innocent lives caught in the crossfire. And I know that some of you haven't seen her since you parted ways in Baldur's Gate. You may have answered her call because you believed it was from the same woman you helped before. I believe you all have a right to know the truth."
"You mean people change as they age and experience horrible things?" Safana gasped. "Alert the criers! Philosophers must know of your discovery, Sir Knight!"
"Shut your mouth, Safana." Imoen snarled at the other woman. "We've all aged and experienced 'horrible' things, that's no excuse for how far she's allowed herself to fall!"
"People change differently than others, more news for the scholars!" Safana sang, reveling in her own mockery. "Seriously, girl, you haven't thought this one through, have you?"
"The point I think that Keldorn is trying to make is that Rana is making decisions without our opinions, knowledge, or consent," Aerie spoke up. "Minsc and I happily came to help end a war, but cold-blooded murder isn't what we signed up for."
"Aerie's much better at words than I am," Minsc boomed. "But I must say that Boo and I will not stand idly by while Rana kills innocent people! Though I am a bit confused about Rana not being the same woman she is before. Is this a doppelganger? Is she an imposter?"
"Rana acted alone," Valygar countered. "The blood on her hands doesn't stain yours."
"It does when we associate with her," Kivan replied. "If Rana is known to be as monstrous as say, oh I don't know, Sarevok, people will believe we are the same because we fight beside her."
I knew that writing to him was a good idea.
"Indeed," Keldorn agreed.
"Didn't peg you as the type who cared about what other people thought," Valygar pointed out.
"Generally I don't. But the common folk won't trust a ranger with a sour reputation, as I'm sure you know."
"So, let me get this straight," Safana interrupted. "You're telling us all this stuff about Rana to either endear her to us or to have our delicate sensibilities offended, depending on who you're talking to. Why? So those who are squeamish about murder, not saying any names Aerie, can pack up and leave? You said this wasn't mutiny, but it sure is starting to sound like sabotage at the very least."
"No one's trying to sabotage anything," Imoen responded before Keldorn could. "But those of us with morals have a right to know and decide for ourselves what we will and will not put up with."
"Oh, so those of us without morals don't have to be here? Excellent! May I be excused?"
"Please," Jaheira grated.
"No one has to be here," Keldorn sighed.
"Good, this was boring me to tears. Well, since Rana is probably either drunk or killing things, which, by the way, sounds exactly like the old Rana, I'll go make sure Viconia has tattled and correct that if she hasn't. I haven't seen that girl in years and here you all are crying about how she's changed. Can't blame her if she has, but she still sounds like good times to me. It's almost as if you never even knew her, which is kinda sad, especially for you Immy, being her childhood friend and sister and all. Anyways, toodles."
Imoen shot to her feet, but Jaheira tugged her back down, whispering to her to let it go.
"Anyone else wish to leave?" Keldorn grated irritably.
All eyes went to Valygar. The ranger slouched in his chair, returning the looks with a steely look of his own.
"What is the other matter you wished to discuss?" Kivan asked.
Finally, let's get this circus moving again. Now that the riff raff is gone.
"It has come to my attention that Rana no longer worships Mielikki, and probably hasn't for quite some time."
"This is really beginning to sound like a trial, Keldorn," Valygar announced loudly.
"She worships Mask now, the fallen god of shadows," Keldorn finished.
"That's disturbing," Aerie murmured. "Why would Rana, a ranger, worship a god like that?"
"She's always been sticky fingered," Imoen said. "It was Gorion who pushed her to pursue her skills with the bow, and the kind of life that ranger's tend to lead. But she's always had a kinship with thieves, and ruffians, and that sort."
"And you don't?" Valygar retorted.
"I might like to pick the occasional pocket or two, Keldorn cover your ears, but I've never gone so far as to worship the patron god of shadows. And let's not pretend that stealing is the only thing that happens in the shadows."
"You're back peddling, Imoen. And this whole thing is a farce, no offense intended to you Keldorn. This war ends with the bhaalspawn, and yes, it was wrong for Rana to hunt a lesser one down and kill her in cold blood, but killing her kin is why we're all here in the first place. And who she worships, who any of us worship, is no one's business. What's this really about?"
"You may not believe this to be a big deal, but you don't speak for the rest of us," Kivan replied. "I appreciate Sir Keldorn's foresight in regards to this information being brought to the group's attention. While I can't say I find any of it overly shocking, it will be a deciding factor in how long I assist Rana. And how closely I'll be watching her from now on."
"Kivan's right," Aerie said softly. "I know I can be naive at times, so I'm thankful that I'm a bit more prepared going forward. I don't like anything I've been told here today, but it is necessary that we know what's going on."
"Minsc concurs! Boo says Rana may need a swift kick in the behind to get her mind straight. Boo often tells me that I need this as well, and he is usually right."
"Thank you for your thoughts on this matter. We have a long road ahead of us and none of us can afford to be blind to anything. Which is why, when I speak to Rana, I'm going to offer to take the position of leadership within this group."
"What?" Several voices gasped at once.
Imoen exchanged a surprised look with Jaheira.
"If no one objects," he amended.
"Certainly not," Jaheira responded. "I did not anticipate this, but it may be the wisest choice. I for one would feel more comfortable with you at the helm."
"As would I," echoed Kivan.
"And me," from Aerie, and a sharp nod from Minsc.
"And if Rana objects?" Valygar asked.
"Must you do this?" Jaheira snapped at him.
"It's a valid question!" He snapped back.
"I do not intend to wrest control away from her if she does not wish to relinquish it. As I said before, I will speak with her when she returns. She may very well be open to at least sharing the burden."
"Well, you have the majority vote here," Imoen said. "Now that that's settled, though, let's move on to the even bigger issue of Rana sleeping with-"
"Everything that I wanted to discuss has been discussed," Keldorn spoke sharply over her, cutting her off. "Go about your normal routines and I will speak with you all again once I have talked with Rana."
"Keldorn, we have another issue-" Jaheira started, but her words stuttered to a stop when the paladin rounded on her.
"The matter you refer to is not up for discussion at the moment. If you wish to press it, then I will speak to you both in private."
Imoen got to her feet, as did Jaheira, both more than ready to argue with the paladin.
Valygar rose as well.
"I'm warning you," the ranger hissed. "Drop this now. No good could possibly come from announcing what it is you both are chomping at the bit to reveal."
"What's that?" Kivan asked, loudly enough that Aerie and Minsc hesitated at the door.
"So you do know," Jaheira laughed bitterly.
"Of course I fucking know," Valygar spat. "Anyone with a pair of working eyes knows. I get it, you're pissy that it took you so long to figure out the obvious, but you show what you're really after by trying to pull a stunt like this."
"And what's that, Valygar?" Imoen asked, almost amused by how fiercely he wished to safeguard Rana's damning secret.
"You can't come back from this. This will start something that I don't think either one of you are prepared to finish. You want him gone or dead. You know she won't stand by and let that happen. There will be blood. Lots of it. And you won't be able to throw all the blame onto her this time."
Wrong. She started this when she slept with that monster. I'm merely ensuring that she suffers the consequences. Consequences long overdue.
"Listen to Valygar," Keldorn spoke quietly. "This will cause far more harm than good. I know you're both upset, but this is not the way you fix this."
"What's going on? What are you all talking about?" Aerie asked.
"All of you out," Valygar ordered the rest, not taking his eyes off Imoen and Jaheira, his entire body taut like a bowstring, as if he were considering cutting their throats if they spoke.
"Did you know?" Imoen asked Keldorn, fear and anger coiling tightly around her belly as the realization dawned on her that he likely had already known about Rana and Sarevok.
"Aerie, Kivan, Minsc," the paladin intoned. "If you please, I need to speak with these three alone."
"Did you know?"
"I'd very much like to know what you're all talking about," Kivan replied, having not made any move to leave. "If it's another issue like the ones we already talked about, then we have a right to be told."
"Keldorn. Answer me. Did you know before Jaheira told you?" Imoen pressed, her anger growing.
"Someone please explain what's going on," Aerie whined.
"ALL OF YOU OUT!"
The shock of hearing Keldorn's roar of fury was so jarring that Imoen felt as if she'd just been slapped. By Gorion. Like she were a child again and had just shoved a parent well over the line drawn where their patience ended. Not that she knew what having a parent felt like, but Gorion had been as close as she'd ever get. And Keldorn wasn't far off either.
"The fuck is going on?!"
Everyone turned to see Rana standing in the doorway.
No one answered her.
It felt like a storm was just about to break. Keldorn's shouting had been the prelude thunderclap. Rana's sudden appearance the first drops of rain.
"Someone answer me. Now."
"You don't give the orders anymore," Imoen said.
"Excuse me?"
"If you do not want my first orders to be your immediate removal from this company," Keldorn said, his voice low and yet somehow more commanding than when he had raised it, "You will both keep your mouths shut until I have spoken with you in private. Do you understand?"
Imoen opened her mouth to speak but Jaheira clapped a hand over it and began pulling her out of the room.
"We will address this at a better time," the druid hissed in her ear.
Imoen struggled against the woman, but unless she drew a weapon, she wouldn't be able to throw her off.
"Imoen, please, we can tell the others at any time, let's just let Keldorn speak to Rana first."
When they got back to her room, and the door was shut, Jaheira released her, and Imoen exploded.
"This is bullshit! There's not a single good reason for not screaming out that Rana is fucking Sarevok!"
"There's several actually. I'm upset, too, child, but announcing it in front of Rana could have gotten ugly."
"Like I give a damn about how she feels anymore! And stop calling me that! I'm a damned archmage and of age!"
"You'll give a damn if Rana kills someone to protect Sarevok. Look, I wanted to tell the others, too, but I didn't expect Valygar to react as he did. Also, Kivan would love nothing more than the tiniest excuse to kill Sarevok for what Tazok did to his wife. Because of what happened between him and Rana, she wouldn't hesitate to strike him down if he made a move against Sarevok. And anyone who tries to stop her will have to go through Valygar. And probably Viconia. And Safana as well, though the gods only know what's going on in her mind at any given moment. Keldorn's right. This could set off a chain reaction that could get people killed, Imoen."
Imoen paced the length of the room, hating that Jaheira was right.
"And you are correct. You are not a child. So I expect you to calm yourself, regroup, and figure out where to go from here. This isn't over. Not by any means. We'll see what happens when Keldorn speaks to Rana about stepping down as leader."
"How did Keldorn react when you told him about Rana and Sarevok?"
"He didn't react. I strongly suspect he already knew."
"Which means he's been helping keep the secret just like Valygar. And you wanna trust him to take over?"
"Keldorn keeping this a secret angers me too, but I understand now why he's done so. He's not doing this so much for Rana as he is to keep chaos from breaking loose and tearing this group apart."
"Maybe it's time that happens," Imoen muttered.
Jaheira looked at her, her stern facade shifting to some combination of weary and pensive.
"Maybe you're right," the druid eventually whispered.
Rana
"What in the Nine Hells is going on, Keldorn?" Rana demanded as the paladin shut the dining room doors after everyone had shuffled out, casting looks at her that ranged from wary to outright suspicious, save for Valygar who seemed to be warning her with his eyes.
When she'd walked through the door, ready to confront the group about the meeting they were having behind her back, for which she was informed by both Viconia and Safana, she'd been momentarily stunned by the sound of Keldorn shouting.
Mutiny begets more mutiny, I suppose.
"Why is it that I had to be told there was a separate meeting going on, and that it was being held by you in an attempt to turn everyone against me? I'm willing to suspend belief about some of what Viconia and Safana told me, based on the former's bias and the latter's penchant for drama, but I need some answers now."
"Jaheira came to me late last night about Imoen's discovery of your worship of Mask. And of your involvement with Sarevok. I was already planning to speak with you about the bhaalspawn woman you killed, but seeing how quickly things were beginning to unravel, I chose to hold a meeting before Jaheira and Imoen took it upon themselves to do so."
"You already knew about Sarevok. Hell, you encouraged it! And it's no one's business who I worship."
"And the murder, Rana? Is that none of our business, too? Just as it was none of our business about what happened at that temple, save for you and Sarevok?"
"Yeah, I'd say that's about right. You'll have to forgive me, Keldorn, waking up after two days of unconsciousness brought on by getting my ass kicked, followed by a meeting with the Mayor, planning to go underground and fight drow in the morning, and then being informed about a secret meeting being held to trash talk me really doesn't put me in the most cooperative of moods."
"Oh, grow up, girl! The point I was attempting to make is not everything is about you! You've hidden too much behind people's backs, with no real justification other than you know it'll upset us should we find out. Well, you've been found out. I was trying to do damage control on your behalf, before they begin turning on you. And I only barely succeeded in keeping your secret relationship with Sarevok from being revealed. For now."
"Why?"
"Do you wish to fight this war alone? Do you want to lose those who care for you? Who have bled for you? Died for you? We've made your cause our own, Rana, and asked for little in return. Repaying us with secrecy, and deeds that directly oppose our morals is a slap in the face. I will not stand by while this group crumbles from within, nor will I do nothing when you act against my code of honor. I will not watch you self-destruct without trying to save you. By Torm I vow I will die before I see any of that happen."
Rana felt a twinge of guilt at that. She'd largely stopped caring what Jaheira thought of her, and the farther apart her and Imoen drifted the less she cared about her sister's opinions as well. Keldorn, though, was too much a fatherly figure to her that she couldn't stop a flare of shame from joining the guilt.
"Now, I'm giving you a chance to talk to me. To defend your actions if you feel they need defending. I cannot abide cold blooded murder, but if you have a good reason for killing that woman, I will listen. As for your worship of Mask, that deeply unsettles me, but that is something I will not press you on, as it is of a more personal nature, and as long as it is not something that is linked to that murder I will let it go for now. With that said, it is still something that I, and the others, should know. Your status as a ranger will be sorely affected if this becomes common knowledge."
Rana dropped into one of the chairs at the dining table, snatched a nearby wine glass, and began to drain it. Keldorn plucked it out of her hand and set it down out of reach.
"You mentioned we're attacking Sendai at dawn. You need to be sober."
She leveled a glare at him that he returned with equal fervor. She looked away first.
"I don't have a good excuse for killing her," she whispered, not meeting his eyes for a moment. "I was upset. I wanted some kind of outlet. I know that's not what you want to hear, but there it is. Do I regret it? Yes. It was a mistake that robbed two children of both their parents, I was nearly killed, and… it cost even more than that. Much more."
"You're telling me you regret it because of the aftermath? The fallout of your actions made you realize it was a calculated risk you took and failed? Not that it was wrong, but because it inconvenienced you?!"
Rana glanced sharply up at him, her anger, which had been on a low simmer since talking to Sarevok, began to bubble anew.
"It's easy for you to stand there and judge me, isn't it Inquisitor? Must feel nice to know exactly where you left those lines you drew in the sand long ago. To know if something is right rather than wondering if it's the desires of another being whispered inside your mind. To be able to fall back on years of discipline and girded beliefs when your faith is tested. To be sickened by the things you're told to be sickened by, rather than feeling whole and vindicated by things that everyone around you has tried to convince you are wrong. So judge away, Keldorn, I was born with one foot in the Abyss, straddling the lines I once drew and hoping they're even still there and that I was the one to draw them in the first place. You don't know what living with this is like. You don't have a single fucking clue."
"You're right. I don't know what it is you go through. Partly because I wasn't fathered by the Lord of Murder. And partly because you don't tell me. You don't tell anyone. Save, perhaps, Sarevok. The irony of a lot of this is that you've been leading him out of the darkness since you brought him back. Either by example, maintaining the shred of control you still have over the taint, or by giving him a reason to let go of his past and look to his future. But in doing so, you've been trading places with him on his journey. Jaheira and Imoen believe he's been corrupting you, leading you astray while you fight to bring him to heel. In reality, the harder you cleave to one another, the faster he chases redemption, but the further you fall just to keep your grip."
"What are you talking about?"
"I wonder how much less your conscience would have been compromised if you hadn't been forced to keep it a secret. You've let yourself be pulled in so many directions by the ones you want to keep close, but that do not wish to share you, that you've ended up straining everyone in an effort not to be torn apart."
Rana gazed away for a moment, pondering that.
It was true, if Imoen, or anyone else, didn't care about her involvement with Sarevok, she wouldn't have had to hide it. She probably wouldn't have resisted him as long as she did either. Which meant he might not have ever let go of his desire for her to ascend. There were a lot of different ways it could have played out, and she wasn't sure which would have been the easier course.
Not that any of that matters now.
"Rana, I once swore to you that I would help you fight this… so long as you kept fighting as well. I need to know, right now, if you still are. Or if you've given up. If you've embraced the darkness inside you."
Rana looked at him and said nothing. It didn't matter what words she spoke. He was looking into her, not at her. He asked out of formality. He would get the answer from what he saw inside her, not from what she told him. So she merely looked on, awaiting judgement.
And wondered what she would do when he found the answer.
He was one of hers. One of her most cherished companions. A father figure. If he drew Carsomyr, proclaiming she were beyond saving, if he saw what she suspected he would see, would she defend herself? Could she raise her swords against him? If she cried out for help, would anyone answer? Would anyone believe she deserved to be saved? Would she be able to live with herself for killing a man that pure and good? She deserved death a hundred times over compared to him.
Her pulse quickened as her thoughts ignited her adrenaline. Her swords felt heavy on her hips. Her hands began to sweat, and it became a sheer act of will not to reach for her weapons.
It was like her encounter with the Barbarian. Only far worse.
She was such a coward.
But she would kill him if she had to.
She was already damned, this would only cement her place in Hell. But she would not die today.
Letting him kill me won't tip the scales in my favor. The gods don't reward you for not doing evil, but for choosing to do the right thing. And I'm already going to burn, regardless of what happens in the next few seconds.
Keldorn closed his eyes, looking haggard and grave.
Her muscles jumped, the instinct to strike while he was unguarded, unseeing, was so strong that her stomach churned with nausea from the unused adrenaline, her body screaming at her to act.
The seconds ticked by, as she grew sicker from fighting not to attack while she had this small advantage. This tiny window of opportunity to sink her sword into his neck, silencing him from calling to the others. Or from saying anything that would further drive the blade of guilt into her belly.
He opened his eyes.
"Rana, I do not believe you are of sound enough mind to lead this company… nor do I believe that you are too far gone to help. I had planned to ask you to step down, but I feel I must now insist that you do. I will be taking command. This does not mean that your wishes won't be heard, but the final say in what this group does will fall to me. Do you understand? Will you accept this?"
His words blindsided her, leaving her scrambling to process them. Her mind worked furiously to gather together all the implications of this, to lay out the pros and cons before her.
Keldorn had long handled much of the responsibilities of leading. From doling out watch assignments to breaking up quarrels. Advice on strategy to commanding her frontline in battle.
Would it be so different? The title of leader meant little to her, as it was largely an empty one.
"Alright," she murmured, noting a flicker of relief at her response. "I'll step down. Is there anything else?"
"You will be accompanied by someone if you must go on any errands or anything of the sort. Someone of my choosing. This is largely for your own safety."
"Largely, but not completely. The other part of that is to keep me from doing anything you deem bad. And to report on my comings and goings."
"Yes. Those are some of the other reasons for this stipulation."
"Is that all?" She asked, letting it go for now. "Or am I to be given a curfew as well?"
"As leader, I will do my best to repair the rift between you and the others. Particularly with your sister. And Jaheira. So long as you show that you are willing to mend things. I will also attempt to maintain their silence on the matter of your relationship with Sarevok."
"Why? Why do you defend that?" She asked, her pride keeping her from telling him that there was no more relationship to keep secret.
"Because I still believe he has a role to play in all of this. That his stake in your life will help keep you from sliding completely into depravity. I also do not wish to see what would happen if the group turns on you for your involvement with him, or strike out against him, forcing you to choose between your friends and your lover. And that's all I'll say on the matter for now."
"Are we done here, then?"
"I need to know about your meeting with the Mayor."
She leaned back in her chair and briefly recounted her visit with Yeslick, and the plans made for the assault on Sendai at dawn.
"Alright. I will inform the others of the change in leadership and ensure they ready themselves for tomorrow. I ask that you remain in the house for now, Rana."
She inclined her head, and he nodded in return before turning and walking out of the dining room.
She was on her feet the second the door clicked shut, heading for the side door into the kitchen.
"Rana? Are you hungry? We're working on lunch… right… now… are you okay?"
Going down into the wine cellar, she snatched up one… two… three bottles of Burduskan Dark.
"I'll be in my room the rest of the day, Chauntia. I'm not hungry."
"But you haven't even had breakfast! Rana!"
She swept out of the kitchen and headed up the stairs. She was done talking for the day. The next person that tried to start a conversation with her would get their teeth smashed in.
Oh wait, that probably violates this probation I seem to now be on, she sneered to herself.
Kicking her door closed, she slapped the lock into place, silently daring someone to try and come in. If a locked door didn't get the message across that she was in no mood to talk to anyone, then she felt more than justified for her inevitable violent response.
Uncorking the first bottle with her knife, she began to drain it, chugging down mouthfuls as if she had just found water in the middle of a desert after wandering for weeks in search of it.
I'm done with all this. Should just fucking leave.
She began to pace restlessly back and forth across her room, snarling as she replayed the conversations she'd had throughout the day.
Sarevok's cutting rejection of her apologies. Yeslick's news of the children they'd saved from the temple. Viconia and Safana finding her in town, on her way home, and telling her what had been transpiring while she was gone. Valygar asking her to be more open with him. Imoen telling her that she'd told Jaheira about everything. Keldorn.
When the first bottle was empty, she threw it forcefully into the fireplace, feeling a savage sort of glee at the sound of shattering glass.
She resumed her pacing while she started on the second bottle, and as the alcohol began doing its job, she tried to formulate some kind of plan.
Leaving felt like more and more a viable option. Disappearing once the sun had set, not saying a word to anyone about her departure. Let them figure it out for themselves when they came into her room and found her things gone.
Rook mewed at her from his spot on the bed. She went to pet him, but jerked her hand back before her fingers touched him. She remembered the day she'd come into her room and found him here. Remembered the note on her bedside table. Remembered who had given him to her and why.
The kitten mewed mournfully again when she spun away, glaring at the creature, and continued to pace, swallowing more of the heady wine.
The taste of it reminded her of the night she'd reunited with Imoen after the battle at the hot springs. After dueling with Sarevok and being defeated by him.
Tears swam in her eyes, blurring her vision, and when she drank the rest of the second bottle in an effort to drown the growing miasma of pain inside of her, she stumbled as she hurled that one into the fire. Not caring that the embers she scattered could catch fire.
I'm already going to burn. No, I've already been burning. Sarevok may have died and gone to Hell, while I lived, but I burned, too, after that day.
Her hands fumbled clumsily as she tried to open the last bottle. Her knife sliced into her finger when she tried to jam into the cork, and she hissed out a curse as the blood welled.
More memories swam to the surface. Of her attempt to kill herself to keep the Slayer from emerging.
A sob escaped her as she shakily brought the wine to her lips, some of the dark liquid spilling down her chin and neck. Down over the scars, the old and the new.
Staggering to her window, she leaned heavily against the sill, staring out into the sunlit world outside. Swiping angrily at the tears, she drank some more, lost in memories, regrets, guilt, and a sea of helpless fury and sorrow.
She sank to her knees, her head swimming from the liquor.
The tears were unending now. She couldn't make them stop, and she gagged from the forcefulness of her own sobs.
Sagging to one side, an elbow on the floor to keep her mostly upright, Rana eventually slid down into a fetal position, arms wrapped tightly around her stomach, knees curled up to her chest.
When sleep took her, she didn't fight it. Didn't care what awaited her on the other side of unconsciousness. Anything was better than this.
The room was spinning, she knew it must be whirling like a maelstrom even before she opened her eyes. When she did, her stomach heaved, and she didn't have time to run to the bathroom before the wine came back up. She sat up enough not to lay in it, and threw up onto the floor.
There was a sound somewhere nearby. A gentle clicking. She gazed blearily around her room, the setting sun casting a soft golden glow on everything. It would have been pretty if it weren't still spinning.
Rook yowled from her bed, but the effort of trying to locate that clicking sound made her stomach clench in warning, so she ignored him.
She crawled a few feet away from the vomit, towards her bed, but she couldn't make it upright enough to climb in, so she just curled back up on the floor, and let sleep pull her back under.
Thirst finally woke her in the night. Her throat felt scratchy and dry, her mouth like it was full of cotton.
Slowly this time, she peeled her eyes open, noting how crusty they felt from the crying. The room lurched a little, but remained mostly still. Her head throbbed so painfully that it took her a second to realize she was still on the floor.
Sitting up, a little at a time in case fast movement caused her stomach to revolt, she reached toward her nightstand and the jug of water atop it. Pulling it down, and sloshing some on her as her arms were weak and fuzzy, she drank some of it down.
Something furry brushed against her arm. Rook. His eyes gleamed in the moonlight as he looked up at her. He was puffed up, his fur sticking out so he looked nearly twice his own size. He let out an angry whine and looked toward the chair across the room.
Rana followed his gaze, and saw a figure sitting in the chair.
For a moment, she thought it was Sarevok. When she rubbed at her eyes, and her vision focused somewhat, she realized it wasn't.
Alarms went off inside her head as she put together the clicking noise she'd heard last time she was conscious. Someone had unlocked the door and come into her room.
And been here this whole time she'd been blacked out.
"The fuck-"
"Don't be afraid. It's just me, my lady."
Anomen. Relief flooded through her that she wasn't staring at an assassin. But the alarms still rang inside her head, growing in volume.
"What are you doing in here?" She slurred, still feeling the effects of all that wine. "How did you get in here?"
"I… borrowed the key from the servant girl. I wanted to talk to you. Thought I'd wait till you woke."
His words gave her a slimy feeling. That they were also slurred only intensified that feeling.
She groggily remembered seeing him enter that inn earlier in the day. Or yesterday. She didn't know what time it was, but she knew he had been drinking since the sun came up.
"You… stole the copy of my key from Chauntia?" She asked, slow to realize what he'd actually meant. "What the Hell, Anomen, you're a knight."
"We both know that's an empty title."
Gingerly, Rana got to her feet, leaning against the wall for support, and brushing her hands across her sword belt to reassure herself she was still armed.
She wasn't.
"Anomen, where are my swords?"
"Do you remember why it's an empty title, my lady? What we did together to get me my knighthood?"
"What you did. I only helped cover it up. It was you who killed your own father, though, Anomen. But your title isn't empty, ridding the world of fiends like Cor Delryn shouldn't bar you from joining the Order of the Most Radiant Heart."
"Do you think Keldorn would agree? He stripped you of leadership for killing a bhaalspawn, I doubt he'd show me any leniency for slaying my own kin either. Seems we're both on house arrest. When I returned home, I ran right into him. After he told me about what I'd missed, he barred me from returning to town and informed the servants to keep me away from the alcohol. Seemed fitting that I join you here in exile."
"We're assaulting Sendai at dawn, as I'm sure he told you. You should go to your room and get some sleep."
"I wanted to ask you something."
"You can ask me in the morning. I'd like you to return my swords and leave."
The effort to remain calm and not let her anxiety show was taxing. This entire conversation felt deeply wrong. And she wanted to hurt him for breaking into her room, removing her swords while she slept, and then sat down to watch her sleep. The thought of him touching her while she had been blacked out made her see red. But she could do nothing about it right now. She was unarmed, still drunk, and the hangover was settling in. Her arms felt like jelly and her legs barely supported her weight. The main thing was to get him out of her room and then deal with him in the morning.
"Were you expecting someone? Do you want me to leave so I don't get in the way of your little nocturnal trysts?"
"It's none of your damn business what I do, and I shouldn't have to lay out a list of reasons why I don't want you breaking into my room, drunk, in the middle of the night," she snapped, her patience fraying as her indignation rose. "And nothing gives you the right to take my weapons off while I was asleep."
"My apologies, Rana, I worried for your comfort and safety, which is why I removed them. I was only trying to look out for you, there's no need for you to be disagreeable."
Taking a deep, shaky breath, she tried to regain some kind of composure.
"Thank you, now I'd like to take a bath and get some sleep," she managed to say, grinding her jaw in frustration. "I suggest you do the same. Goodnight, Sir Anomen."
The man rose, swaying a little as he did, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Glancing around the darkened room, she tried to locate where he'd put her swords.
"Do you have any idea how insulting it is to have your lovers paraded around before me?"
"What?"
He lurched toward her, and she slid across the wall to maintain distance, her pulse ratcheting right back up again.
"I had to watch you with that bounty hunter. You wanted to be courted by a foreign rogue, one who couldn't make up his mind if he even wanted you, rather than a knight. Then you thought you'd try to actually be discreet with your next one, though I don't know why you cared enough to bother trying to keep it a secret. Maybe to save Jaheira's feelings? And then Kivan. Guess you just can't decide who you want, but one thing has been obvious. It's never going to be me is it?"
"What are you even talking about? Anomen, you're drunk and you have no clue what you're saying. I really want you to leave before you say or do something that'll get you killed."
"Killed by who, my lady? You? You're in almost worse shape than I am. Also unarmed. And everyone's asleep."
Her wariness bloomed into full blown fear, and he must have seen that in her eyes because he stopped advancing and rubbed at his face, sighing with frustration.
"I didn't mean that to sound like a threat. I want to know what I did wrong, Rana. Why you give yourself to all these men who don't deserve you. Who don't love you. How can I make you understand how much that hurts me? Do you know how happy I could make you if you'd just give me a chance!"
Anger joined the panic.
"I don't know how you got the idea that I'm throwing myself at every available man in the vicinity, but even if I've been with as many men as you're implying, that's none of your damn business. And I'm really getting tired of repeating that."
He took a step closer, and she tried to melt back into the wall without much success. She didn't know what she would do if he touched her. There wasn't much she could do. Her knife was somewhere on the floor, but she doubted he'd give her the chance to fumble around for it. And her Infravision was useless in finding cold steel.
"You know what, though, Rana? I still want you. Even after everything you've done. How many men can say that? Can just let go of everyone who came before and move on. I'm willing to forget it all, my lady. I can forgive you."
Rana's hands balled into fists and she shifted her weight as best she could. Trying to call on the taint to infuse her rage, she wasn't sure how effective a hit would be with all the alcohol still in her system.
"I don't want you, Anomen. I never will. Now fuck off."
He let out a pent up sound of rage and lunged at her. Her fist connected with his jaw, but it barely fazed him. His hands caught both of hers, and there was a brief scuffle where she tried to pull away, but he was far too strong. Gripping both wrists in one hand, he held them together before her, and pressed her into the wall with his body so she couldn't knee him.
He reeked of liquor and sweat, and she turned her head and gagged as memories of being restrained began to cloud her mind.
"Why?! Why are you like this?! Damn you, Rana! You took everything from me!"
Desperately she flung out her will, reaching blindly for the Slayer. Thoughts of what could happen if it came forth were lost as Anomen's voice blended with the cadence of Irenicus's. Gasping for air, her chest feeling like it would burst open from the hammerings of her heart, she squeezed her eyes shut as she fought to find it and let it out.
"Look at me!" Anomen wrenched her hair back, and she kept her eyes closed tight, terrified that if she opened them, she'd see a rotting mask of flesh with burning azure eyes.
"I am no knight! My vows were all a lie! None of it was real! All I ever wanted was to serve the Order! To be among those who the Bard's sang of! It was everything to me, and you falsified it! Turned it all into a sham when you dumped my father's body into that alley to look like a mugging!"
He shook her violently, spitting the words into her face like venom.
"You did all of this and for what?! I thought you helped me because you loved me, but you turned me away! My whole life is a lie and you can't even look at me and say something for what you've done!"
He broke into sobs, resting his forehead on her shoulder and releasing his hold on her hair. Slumping against her, his body shuddering with grief, she tried to wriggle her wrists out of his grip, but he held on tight.
"I'm sorry, Anomen. Please, just let me go."
"Sorry? That's all you have to say? You're sorry? Sorry doesn't fix what you meddled with. Sorry doesn't make me a true knight!"
He pulled back enough to look at her, and she made herself look back at him.
It's not Irenicus. Anomen won't hurt me. Once he gets this all out he'll leave.
"What do you see in him that you don't see in me? Tell me. I have to know. Why Valygar?"
"What? You think Valygar is…"
She trailed off, stunned as everything clicked into place.
"I know it's him!" He snarled into her face. "I've seen the two of you together! In this very room! Embracing! You go out and drink with him! You're always with him! You try to lie?!"
"You fucking idiot," she laughed, and yanked her arms back in an effort to pull out of his grasp. "You want to blame me for failing as a knight, but this is all about your jealousy. And you can't even get right who to be jealous of."
She didn't see the backhand coming, and when it connected with her cheek, his grip on her was the only thing that kept her upright.
"You dare laugh at destroying my life? You think it's funny what you've reduced me to?" He whispered when he pulled her closer, his breath almost cool on the stinging heat of her face.
His voice sounded almost controlled now. And that control, coupled with the blow, and how harshly he pressed her into the wall, opened the floodgates in her mind.
She reached again for the Slayer.
For the taint.
For anything.
You look so much like her you know…
Godchild, I thought you had learned this lesson by now…
When Anomen's hands released her wrists and went to her throat, she didn't struggle. The fight was draining out of her as flashbacks flickered rapidly behind her eyes. It wouldn't matter, though, she didn't need to fight. Something had answered her call. The tidal wave of rage rolling toward her would consume Anomen.
"If you don't leave right now, I won't stop what's about to happen to you," she murmured hoarsely, his hands tightening around her neck, slowly squeezing until she struggled to breathe.
"I love you," he sobbed, and his lips brushed her cheek, the one he'd hit.
The rage grew in intensity, drowning out her own, along with the fear and the panic. She looked dazedly over the knight's shoulder, not even noticing that one of his hands dropped from her throat to her waist. Not even feeling his lips on hers, as he mistook the cessation of her struggling for acquiescence.
The sound of the door opening was nearly lost in the sound of Anomen's ragged breathing.
Rana closed her eyes and braced herself.
Anomen was forcefully yanked away from her, his nails raking the side of her neck as his weight disappeared from her front. Opening her eyes, she looked into the twin searing golden orbs of Sarevok.
"You! What are you…" Anomen gasped from the floor, struggling to rise.
Sarevok stared at her for a moment, and his eyes shone so brightly that she could not tell what his gaze was focused on. Whatever it was he saw, though, sent another wave of fury crashing against her soul.
"It's you…" Anomen said again, looking back and forth between them, realization dawning that he'd been wrong about which man she'd been with. "All along it was you."
Sarevok grabbed him by the throat with one hand.
"Yes," the warrior murmured. "It's always been me."
Rana just watched as he slammed Anomen down onto his back.
"Rana… stop him…" the knight choked out.
Whatever else he tried to say was lost as Sarevok straddled him and brought both hands to Anomen's throat. Blood vessels began popping in his eyes, staining the whites with crimson. The knight tried to pry the larger man's hands loose, and when that didn't work he clawed at his arms, his legs kicking in a desperate attempt to dislodge him.
It was over in less than a minute. When Sarevok rose, Rana gazed down at Anomen's purple and red face, blue and red eyes wide in a death stare. His throat was crushed and mottled in color. Only a small trail of blood flowed from his mouth and onto the floor.
When the dawn finally came, there would be no trace of Sir Anomen left for anyone to find.