I walked into the apartment, feeling all kinds of good and pinching myself repeatedly in order to make sure that I wasn't part of a lucid dream; but after several annoying pricks and an arm full of nail marks I was almost certain that I wasn't dreaming.
"Oh come on! What do you mean you wont go out with me?!" Looking up I say Kyu yelling at my tv screen which at the moment had a picture of a pigeon imposed over a animated school background, "I did everything it said you liked, so go out with me you stupid bird brain piece of shit!"
Then again there is a magical pink fairy playing a pigeon dating sim in my living room, so I'm not discarding the dream angle yet...
"Fuck this game!" Kyu slammed my laptop shut, causing the tv screen to go blue.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Watch what you're doing!" I walked up behind her and yanked the laptop behind her, "need I remind you that you're not the one who has to pay for repairs around here?"
"Oh hey you're back. What's up?" She asked leaning back onto the couch while kicking her feet up on the table.
"Great now the screen is cracked," I muttered opening and inspecting the laptop.
"Big deal. Just go down to the store and buy a new one, that one is outdated anyway."
"I bought it less than a year ago!"
"Like I said, outdated."
"Look I don't have that kind money to be throwing around every time you throw a hissy fit and destroy my shit."
"Now that's a crock of shit and we both know that. You are fucking loaded and I'm pretty sure you can afford to replace your laptop once a month for the next 50 years."
"Let's not test that theory out. Please?"
"So tell me stud, how did it go with that niece piece of dark chocolate? If it didn't go so well you can tell me, I wont judge. Well actually no, I will judge you a little and tell you where you went wrong, but only because I care."
"Actually," I pulled out my phone and opened the Hunie app and showed her Lola's profile, "I think it went pretty well."
Her eyes went wide as she broke out into a large shit eating grin, "DUUUUUUDE! Lemme see, lemme see!" She jumped out the couch and grabbed my phone, "hot damn! D cups AND an ass that wont quit? Talk about hitting the jackpot on the first go!"
"Why am I not surprised that is the first thing you check out?" I laughed.
"Oh please, like you weren't eyeing the goods too. I mean, have you seen that ass? I'm pretty sure I could bounce a golf ball off of it; thought I'm guessing that's not what you're planning on doing with it."
"All right enough," I cut her off feeling my face burning, "let's not get carried away here."
"You're right, we shouldn't jinx it. We need to be careful. You may have gotten through the first part, but we still have a lot of work to do; but that doesn't mean we can't celebrate now!"
Fiddling with my she pressed the Bluetooth button and accessed my stereo (technology is great isn't it?) before switching it up and turning the volume up. Laughing I couldn't help but start doing the Carlton (fuck you, that dance is both fun and hilarious).
"Yeah man! I knew you had it you all this time! Who the best? I'm the best! Followed by you of course," Kyu chirped as she started dancing.
"Well I can't argue with that, especially not now when I'm in such a good mood."
"Told you it was easy; and the next one is going to be even easier!"
"Yeah I—wait what?" I stopped and looked at Kyu, "what was that last part?"
"Do the dance. Do the dance. Do the dance," Kyu continued, apparently not having heard me.
Grabbing my phone out of her hand I hit the mute button, silencing the speaker, "what do you mean next one?"
She gave me a confused look, "the next girl, duh."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"Dude come on, you didn't actually think we we're going to stop after just one broad did you?"
"Actually yeah, that is EXACTLY what I was thinking. I pretty much thought this was a one time thing. You know, help me out with the basics so that I can then fend for myself."
"Well yeah, and that means being able to pick up any girl you want. Trust me, with my knowledge and your ever increasing skill you'll soon have one girl for every day of the week; and then on top of that you'll have a backup girl for every girl of the week, and so on and so forth. Trust me, when I'm done with you you'll be pulling more tail than a special needs kid at a petting zoo. "
"I...don't want that."
"What?"
"I'm not interested in anything you just said," I explained calmly.
Kyu blinked confused before breaking out in a shit eating grin and slapping my arm playfully, "okay dude very funny. You can drop the act now, it's just you and me. You know I don't give a shit about all that "gentlemen" nonsense."
"Look Kyu, I'm not interested in having "one girl for every day of the week". If I was that desperate for sex I would have just paid for prostitutes a long time ago."
"Are...are you serious right now? Buddy I'm giving you the chance of a LIFETIME here. Do you know how many guys would fucking kill to be in your position? Having me, the greatest love fairy that ever lived, coaching them into banging bitties left and right. Hell, I could ensure that you have a THREESOME by the end of the fiscal year. I mean for fuck sake, you're a guy! One who, last time I checked, has a brain and a functioning dick. This should not be that hard, it's basic science!" Kyu said exasperated.
"As much as I enjoy condescending and borderline sexists offers, I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down it down. Look, I already have Lola's number and I think I might actually have a date that isn't a complete disaster with her. I'm just going to see where this goes; maybe I won't need any more coaching," I responded, starting to get impatient.
"Wait...are you...oh fuck me sideways," Kyu pinched the bridge of her nose and let out an angry sigh, "don't tell me you're one of THOSE guys?"
"Excuse me?"
"Great, just great; this is just fucking PERFECT!" She snapped angrily, "why did I do this to myself? Of course the loser virgin falls for the first hottie that so much as smiles at him. What, already thinking of possible names for your future kids?"
"What are you—"
"Huh? What's that I hear?" She placed her hand behind her eye, "are those wedding bells? Nope, it's YOUR MANHOOD TRYING TO WAKE YOU THE FUCK UP!"
"Hey!"
She flicked my forehead, "news flash, she just smiled at you over coffee. Girls do that all the time, it doesn't mean anything. You can't honestly believe that you're going to stay with that girl for the rest of your life. I swear to god if you say that she is "the one" or your "soul mate" I will fucking clock you in the face; because those things don´t exist, they're just concepts you humans made up so you could sell overpriced shit and tickets to romantic movies. So how about you get your head out of your ass and wake the fuck up!"
"All right that's it; I don't care if you are a magic pink fairy, you don't talk to me like that, even less so in my own house. So you can either calm down or start looking for another place to crash, because it sure as hell won't be here!"
"Hey I'm just trying to help you here. You're turning into that guy who changes everything about his because he things he found true love or something equally stupid."
"Okay back up, I don't "love" anyone. I just met this woman once over coffee, I don't even know if I like her. I just followed the instructions that YOU gave me in order to get a date with her. I'm not planning on "changing" anything about me, or even trying to win this girl over; I'm just trying to have a date where I don't royally screw up like always."
"Then why are you being so anal about this?!"
"I'm just not interested, okay?! I'm not one of those guys that wants to have several girls hanging around him all the time. I can barely handle one, and more than that just sounds exhausting. I'm not planning of sleeping with everything that moves, and I'm not looking for "the one" to settle down with for the rest of my life. I'm just looking to not have a complete mess of a love life, which I thought was the whole point of this. Why is that so hard to believe?"
"But I...you..."
"Is this going to be a problem?"
"Actually yeah, it is."
I sighed, "then I guess we're done here. I appreciate all of your help Kyu, I really do, but I don't think I can continue with this plan that you have. I think I can handle the rest from here on out, at my own pace that is. I don't know what's going to happen with Lola, or if I even want something to happen, but it will be at my own pace. You can stay here until you find a new "client", but as my guest; thanks for everything, but I think I'm done."
The fairy seemed nervous, biting the inside of her cheek while fidgeting her fingers, "see...the thing is...that's...not how this works..."
"What?"
"You can't just end my services like that."
I could feel myself getting angry at Kyu and her insistence, "look I'm trying to be nice here, but you're not making it easy. I already thanked you for your help, and I even offered you to stay here a little longer. I just don't want to continue with this program of yours, but aside from that, we're done here."
"No we're not, trust me."
"Okay now you're just pushing it too far. I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"No, you just don't get it. The reason I'm not leaving isn't because I don't want to, but because things are going to get VERY bad for you if I do."
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"You can't just "end" my services on a whim before we're done, that would be breach of contract."
"Contract? What contract?"
"Remember when we first met and we shook hands before I took over your body for a while?"
"...Kyu what did you do?"
"That wasn't just a handshake buddy. That a genuine magical binding contract, a love fairy special."
"What?!"
"Basically you agreed to accepting all of my terms and services, including the fact that until you finish the designated program, successfully I might add, you can not end my services. You are bound to follow my program completely to the end, no ifs, ands or buts."
"But...but..." I could feel my gut wrenching as Kyu continued talking.
"Oh relax, it's not that bad. As long as you do as I say you'll be fine. The contract is just insurance for us love fairies. After all we need to make sure that our clients don't bail on us and ruin our track records. Trust me, it just sounds worse than it really is. Just keep doing what you did today, listen to my advice every now and then and you'll be fine."
"And if I decide to say fuck you and your contract?"
"Your dick will stop working," she answered simply.
"...WHAT?!"
"You'll be impotent for the rest of your life. We figured out a while back that that was the worst kind of punishment we could give out to guys who tried to breach our contract; I mean, if you're not going to take our assistance then you probably aren't going to be using it much in the future."
"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT?!"
"Well technically I did say "there's no turning back". Granted that was a bit vague but let's be real here. If I did tell you the specifics you probably wouldn't have agreed to my help; I couldn't take that risk so I decided that it wasn't worth bringing it up. Hell it wouldn't even be a problem if you weren't trying to wuss out big time from this."
"You...YOU..." I began shaking.
"Oh will you relax already? It's not like you aren't allow to fail during the program. You just aren't allow to quit it until you are done. All you have to do Is "conquer" at least eight different types of girls and you'll be able to keep your dick. Seems like a pretty sweet deal if you ask me."
I did not agree with that sentiment. In fact, at that moment, it was taking every single once of will power for me not to reach out and strangle the fairy standing in front of me until she went from pink to blue.
Kyu must have noticed this because she took a small step back and raised her hands in front of her, "okay so you seem to be a little peeved about this whole thing."
I could feel the vein throbbing out of control in my forehead.
"And while I did NOTHING wrong, I think I may understand why you may be a tad upset."
That did it.
Yelling out in anger I grabbed a nearby table lamp and tossed it against the wall, causing it to smash into pieces while Kyu screamed in shock. I then grabbed the laptop and flipped it open before snapping it in half with my knee and driving the broken pieces through the tv screen; I proceeded to rip the now useless tv off the wall before throwing it on the ground, pulling out one of the laptop halves and repeatedly smashing it against the screen until it was nothing but broking parts and glass everywhere. Once it was done I looked up panting and saw Kyu standing with her arms extended against the wall looking at me terrified.
"Okay, so maybe you're a bit more angry than I thought," she swallowed nervously.
I pointed at the balcony window, "get out of my house. Get out of my life! GET. THE FUCK. OUT!"
"Dude what part of "your dick will stop working" did you not understand?! If I walk out of that balcony, then any chance of you not ending like a loveless virgin for the rest of your life will be gone for good."
"HRRR!" I clenched my fist—ignoring the blood dripping down from the shards of glass—but didn't move towards her. I felt absolutely livid, but what she said stopped me from actually doing anything. At the same time I felt like I had to do something, anything, to get out all of the anger that was building inside before someone ended up seriously hurt (most likely me).
"FUCK YOU!" I flipped her off before storming out of the living room and into my own room, slamming the door behind me. I stood still for the longest time, my mind racing as I found it harder and harder to breathe with every passing moment.
"GODDAMNIT!"
A while later I sat at the edge of my bed, alone with my thoughts; it was late, the sky outside having turned dark and the city lighting up on cue. I felt my hand throb in pain, though a quick look assured me that the bandages I had wrapped around it where still goo. Turns out smashing a tv screen with a laptop causing hundreds of tiny shards of glass to embed themselves in your flesh. Go figure. Fortunately it wasn't anything that a pair of tweezers and disinfecting alcohol couldn't fix.
I heard the bedroom door open and the sound of footsteps coming closer.
"So, you done with your little temper tantrum? Or should I bring you a blanket and a bottle of Jack for the night?"
I didn't answer.
"Oh and if you're wondering why your landlord or the cops haven't showed up yet, you can thank me for that. The minute you grabbed that lamp I put a silencing barrier around the apartment, meaning that none of your neighbors heard you go captain caveman on the tv. So yeah, you're welcome for making sure that you're spending the night at a police station."
"Go away Kyu," I grunted without looking up.
"Dude, GET OVER IT. Yes I lied to you. Yes I tricked you into signing a magically binding contract. Guess what? You're not the first. Love fairies pull this shit all the time, it's part of our job. Besides, you're making way to big a deal of this. Granted your manhood is technically on the line, but there is really nothing to worry about here. Just do as a say and you'll have fulfilled the contract in no time. Then I'll be out of your hair forever and you'll be a real lady killer; hell, you might actually enjoy yourself and be thanking me by the time you're done."
That last part caused me to look up and glare at the fairy, who took a precautionary step back. Not saying a word I got up from the bed and walked to my nightstand. Opening the drawer I pulled out a picture from inside and tossed it on the bed.
"Here."
Frowning she approached the bed and reached out to grab the picture.
"Is that...is that you as a kid?"
I didn't answer.
"Awww you look so adorable! Just look at those chubby cheeks," she laughed inspecting the image, "I'm guessing the woman who is probably struggling to hold you up is your mom. She's pretty cute; shame you didn't get her eyes, they're gorgeous. Which means that this guy—"
"Is my piece of shit dad, yeah," I cut her off.
"What?" She looked up from the picture.
"When I was four he walked out on us. Didn't even make some sort of excuse, like he was going to a trip or he was going to buy some cigarettes. He just left one day and didn't come back until 5 years later Showed up at the door like nothing had happened. Mom was willing to let him stay, hell I was too; I was actually going to have a dad again for once. And for a while it seemed like he was going to be a good dad. He took me to see ball games, he helped me with my homework, he even made me breakfast a few times. I was convinced that he had changed."
"Then one day when I came home early from school I found him screwing the neighbor on the couch."
"Oh..." Kyu said suddenly realizing where I was going.
"He told me that it was a one time thing, that she came on to him and that he wasn't thinking straight. He made me promise not to tell mom, saying that it would crush her, and he told me that it would never would happen again. Being the dumb kid that I was I believed him and didn't say a word. I really didn't want him to leave again, so I kept my mouth shut; and of course in the end it turned out he was just bullshitting because he did it again. And again. By the fourth time he probably realized that I wasn't going to believe him anymore so he just left again."
"Mom was crushed, as anyone would be; but what made it worse was that she knew everything that she had done. She just pretended to not know because she didn't want him to leave again. Do you know what it's like to see your mom just break down crying in the middle of the kitchen table with a coffee mug filled with scotch in hand? Don't answer that, because you don't. That's when I promised myself that I was never going to be like that worthless piece of shit bastard; and now you're basically telling me that I have no choice to be like that or be punished for the rest of my life. So yeah Kyu, I'm still pissed about the whole thing and quite frankly I think I have every right to be."
Once I finished I dropped back on my bed, letting out a tired sigh as I stared blankly at the ceiling. Kyu didn't say anything either, leaving the room in a long, awkward silence.
After a while she cleared her throat, "so...what happened to your old man after that?"
"Don't know, don't care. Haven't seen him since. I only kept that picture so that if he ever comes I'll be able to recognize him before decking him."
Silence.
"Look dude...I didn't want to...I mean come on, how was I suppose to know all this?"
"That doesn't change the situation."
"Give me a break, you expect me to know that your dad was a lying piece of shit that cheated on your mom? Sure maybe if I had known that I might have approached this different, but you can't hold me accountable for a purely hypothetical situation."
I sat up on the edge of the bed, "you wanna know what really boils my piss? The fact that you refuse to admit that you fucked up. You lied to me, you manipulated me, and know you are essentially forcing me to do whatever you want; and yet you insist that you did nothing wrong. I could understand—to some degree—if you were too deluded or too stupid to realize how big you fucked up, but you seem to understand completely. I don't give a shit that it's part of your job, what you did is still horrible; and you seem to not even care how I fell about all this."
"Okay now you're just being melodramatic; you're making me sound like some sort of stone cold bitch."
"And you're not?"
"Okay that—"
"You haven't even apologized for all the shit you've put me through Kyu. I'm not saying that would fix everything, but it would at least show that you have some level of remorse."
"...I do feel bad for putting you in this situation, knowing what I know now."
"That is still not an apology."
"Come on, it's basically—"
"No it isn't," I crossed my arms and glared at her, "see, this is exactly what I'm talking about. You refuse to do something as simple as saying your sorry. It's not even that hard."
"Well it is for us! Love fairies we...it's hard for us to admit that were wrong. We planned out this system for a reason: because it has proven to work. We're magical being that are supposed to be infallible, you think it's easy to admit when we fuck up?"
I sighed tiredly, "fine...whatever. I don't even know why I bother. Just leave me alone; I just want to go to bed and get this whole mess over with. The sooner I finish your program the sooner you leave right?"
"...that's harsh dude," she said quietly.
"You are the last person I want to hear that from. Now get out."
She didn't move, standing in front of me silently. After a while she let out a tired sigh before taking in a deep breath and tensing up. She clenched her fists and closed her eyes shut, her body trembling slightly.
"What are you doing?" I asked confused.
She didn't answer, her face getting red as if when was struggling to hold her breath.
Suddenly she opened her lips and managed to say through gritted teeth, "I'm...I'm ssssssssoooooorrrrryyyyy..."
She let out a massive gasp before collapsing on the bed face first and groaning into the pillow. I looked at her lying in my bed, genuinely surprised that just happened. I had thought she was just exaggerating when she said it was hard for her to apologize, but that looked like it physically hurt her. I was at a loss at what to say."
"By the way you don't have to forgive me if you don't want," she mumbled into the pillow, "Ill understand; but since we're still gong to be working together it would be for the best if you didn't completely hate me. If I had know all that before hand...well I would have figured out another way to the job done."
"Honesty would have been nice."
"The point is, I really do feel bad for what I've done. That's why I said...that."
I laid back on the bed, burying my face in my hands, "I guess that's something. I still don't forgive you though."
"Fair enough..."
"I don't hate you Kyu. I feel like I should, but I don't. I'm just extremely mad that you just completely fucked me over and as a result I'm going to have to live the same kind of life that destroyed my family; actually now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure that I don't hate you."
"How about this? Let me make it up to you, at least in a small way."
"How?" I removed my hands and turned to see that she had lifter her head off the pillow and was looking at me.
"I can make you a promise."
"After all the shit you've but me through?"
"Just listen. Like I said, the contract is binding and you have to see it to the end. I can't do anything about that; but I can make sure that nobody gets hurt."
"What do you mean?"
"You said that you didn't want to be like your dad? You didn't want to hurt anyone like he hurt your mom? I can make sure that doesn't happen. I can promise you that no one will end up hurt by this, especially not any of the girls that you meet. Like I said, I have an actual incentive for you to succeed, and I meant it; having you constantly worry about hurting those around you will not be helpful for anyone. So trust me when I say I'll do everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen."
"...why should I trust you?"
"You don't have to, and I can't force you; but if you let me continue to help you then this will go much faster and smoother and then you'll be rid of me for good."
"...I'll think about it."
"Great, that's more than I could ask for. I'll just leave you alone then," she got up from the bed and made her way to the door, "and don't worry about the mess outside, it's all taken care of."
"Thanks..."
With that she walked out of the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Fuuuuuuuuck now what do I do? I don't want to do this, but I also don't want to lose my dick. You would think that working with a magical sex obsessed fairy would be nothing but fun times, but noooo. Why me, why is it always me that gets caught up in this situations?
"I can promise you that no one will end up hurt by this."
Can I still trust Kyu? I mean she is right in that working with her would make this whole process much easier and smother; then again, she did lie to me before, what's to say she's not lying to me again? What should I do?
What do I do...
Author's note: yeah we're still doing this.
So we're back with our protagonist and Kyu, who it turns out is not as great as she seems. You're probably wondering why I wrote this overdramatic chapter that wasn't in the game. Honestly I needed a viable reason why my character would constantly two time every women he meets, and having the "it's just a candy crush game" excuse didn't fit. I promise we'll get to the girls again in the next chapter.
I know it's been a while since I uploaded anything, and I apologize for that. Not for the lack of upload, really I couldn't anything about that without sacrificing eat and sleep, but rather because I didn't I didn't let you guys know about it. I promise that I'll try to let you know when there will be extended delays from here on out.
By the way there's going to be an extended delay for the next upload of To Change the Past. Sorry.
As always leave comments and critiques below. Bye!