Chapter 17 – Mum

Al was tending the pub, I was home, and it was late. It had been a hard day. Patients were up to their more than usual time-wasting tricks, and the Doc was acting oddly; almost nice, which was strange. Not that having a kind word from the man wasn't nice once in a while, but to hear him actually trying to make small talk felt off somehow. So, anyway that night I was browsing music on YouTube, to get ideas for our wedding, when my mobile buzzed. Without looking at the screen, I answered. "Hello?" All I heard was silence. "Who's there?"

A faint voice finally said, "Morwenna? It's yer… mum." Her voice was broken up by static.

"Ahm, hi! How... oh, how are you?" Tara never called me. If I got a call at all from my parents it was always Dad that made the call. Then he'd pass the phone to her after a while. "Is Dad okay?"

"We're doing… well. But..." I heard through the static.

Something was wrong; I knew it. "Tell me straight. Is Dad sick?"

"No, he's in a community meeting down in the village. I'm at the house by myself."

Good news, then. "And you?"

"I'm fine. My health is holding up. The treatment worked."

"Good, but..." Why did I have a sense of foreboding? "Okay, so, you say you and Dad are healthy."

"Right."

Why has she phoned? "So, how's the weather?" I asked to break the ice.

"Hot. Dusty. Need some rain. But it'll be months before the rainy season anyway."

"Been dry here too," I told her. But Tara didn't call to talk about the weather. Calls from Kenya were expensive, and my parents were so tight with money they squeaked when they walked. I took a deep breath to say she ought to get to the point, but she spoke first.

"Morwenna... how's the baby?"

"We're scheduled for a scan next week. We heard the heartbeat though, in the Doc's office. All good on that score." I had to wait for nearly a minute before she spoke again.

"Morwenna, dearest..."

Dearest? Tara never called me that.

"I... wanted... no need... to tell you..." she stammered.

"Tell me what?"

After more seconds, I heard her say, "Oh this is so hard..."

"Out with it!" God.

"I swore I'd never say this... to you... but... but... I must. Your Dad told me I had to do this... to explain."

I gritted my teeth in frustration, fear, and anger. Oh Lord what is going on? Going to tell me off? "This is about me and Al, yes? You're not happy we're getting married, are you?" I'd heard them running down the Large's when they were in the village. "Well, it doesn't matter what you think! I love Al and he loves me, and we're gonna have this baby together, and raise it up, in our home, together!" I stopped before I shouted what I wanted to. That we'd raise our child all together, and not farm them out to relatives, or worse.

Next I heard her gasp. "Oh God, no Morwenna. You chose him and it's... none of my... our business! This is about a..."

"A what?" I shouted at her.

"A story," she sighed. "A story about us, that is me and your Dad... and you too."

That took some of my fire away. "Then I suppose you'd better get on with it. Go on."

"Right. Well you see, it was, well before you were born. Me and your Dad, before we got married... we... this is... embarrassing. But you see, it was just the once. There was a dance at the Village Hall, and we... it was just cider... but that can sneak up on you. So... we ahm, er, that is..."

It dawned on me what she was trying to tell me. Oh no, don't say it!

"Anyway," she sighed. "We... were...intimate. we were going to be married anyway, so what was the harm? So..."

"You get pregnant with me. That it?" I asked, shocked at the admission. Ick!

She started to cry. "Oh no Morwenna. It was our first baby. He... uhm, I miscarried. It was a boy, they told us. I wasn't very far along when I lost it."

Wow! "Oh Mum, I am sorry." I was. Hard to imagine your parents having sex, but there it was, and to suffer the loss of a baby? "I truly am."

She snuffled into me ear through the bad connection. "We got married a few weeks after I lost him. It was... hard... but your Dad was a rock. I was the one who was a mess. But two years later you came along, and nobody ever knew. Not even your grandparents." She sighed. "So, when you were little... I had... trouble... with you. That is, it wasn't your fault, it was mine."

"So, just what are you saying?"

Mum sighed once more. "Today... oh, nowadays, I'd have been sent off for counseling; treatment, to help me cope and be a better mother. It just... I could not quite bond, you see. But you know that."

Yeah. "I know. Noticed that."

"It's never been your fault, dear. It was mine, and I hope that you can... can forgive... me. So, when you told us about the baby and your upcoming marriage... I sort of shut down. I didn't, couldn't, help but think about that bad time - for me, I mean." She took a deep breath. "I'm happy for you Morwenna... happy that you found Al. He's a good fellow."

It was a lot to take in. "Sure. Okay. I can work with that. So, maybe we can start over?"

"Oh, I'd like that. Sorry I never said."

Maybe the time was now to move forward with her; even to calling her mum. "It's okay, Mum. Love you."

"And I love you too, Morwenna," she said happily. "Now, when do you want us there? How can I help with your wedding?"