Chapter 10

*Jacob*

I am stupid enough to go over to Bella's house, find the spare key lying under the door mat, and let myself in. I am stupid enough to go up to her room thinking she needs a friend. I open the door and, to my surprise, I do not a see a mourning Bella.

I watch, horrified, as Edward touches the girl I love. She is straddled across his lap with his hands caressing her back while his mouth is having its way with hers. His fingers are tugging at the edge of her shirt until he practically rips it off. He holds her face and looks at her beautiful front practically drooling all over and admiring her at the same time. She's panting as she looks into his eyes. I swear I hear her whisper "change me".

Okay, I've had enough! He doesn't answer her so-called question before I speak up.

"Bella," I say softly, trying to keep my voice calm and steady.

She looks over at me, surprised and utterly shocked. Hell, I'm surprised, too, but mostly angry. Here I was thinking she'd be mourning the death of her aunt, and instead, I find her with...with him. And they are…

I want to break his face.

"Jake," she breathes.

"Don't touch her!" I yell, charging towards the bed and pulling Edward away from her. Rage, disappointment, heartache are all boiling into one. I swing at him, hitting him hard in the face. Bella throws herself between us and stops me from hitting him once more.

"Jake stop!" she shrieks.

"You're sleeping with him?" God, I'm such a fool thinking I can change things, for not trying to do something to keep him away from her.

"It's none of your business," she snaps back as she reaches for her shirt and pulls it on.

"I came over here thinking you were mourning the death of your aunt and here you are with him. God! Bella what the hell is wrong with you?"

"Jake, just go," she says.

Is she serious? She is telling me to leave?

"Fine. I don't even know who you are anymore, Bella." I walk out and rush down the stairs. I rush out the front door not caring anymore.

I give up. She made a decision. Now I'm going to make one. I dart into the woods and shift into my wolf form.

*Bella*

A week has gone by. If I hear his voicemail recording one more time, I will throw the phone. It rings several times, and I hear his all too familiar voice asking me to leave a message. Once again, I leave my message and hang up. I stare at the phone for a moment before throwing it across the living room. It hits the wall with a thud, bounces, and crashes to the floor, shattering into a million pieces.

"Bella," Edward says as he leans down and picks up the pieces of my phone.

I wish he wouldn't bother. I drop down onto the couch and pull my legs up to my chin. Jacob is ignoring me. I have to talk to him. I have to fix this. I know I hurt him.

Tears are running down my face as Edward walks over and sits down next to me. He's facing me, so I turn my head to look at him. He reaches over and wipes my tears away.

"You may not be able to fix this," he says softly.

"I have to. He's my best friend. I can talk to him about anything. He's been there for me and I've hurt him. Edward, I feel like I have nothing left to live for."

I've been doing a lot of thinking this past week, and that thinking led to something I never thought I would or could possibly imagine wanting to happen. I know I need to talk to Edward about this.

"Bella, you have everything to live for. You're human; you have so much to live for," he whispers.

I scoot closer to him. "Edward, I've been thinking a lot about…us and about my life in general. And I realize I…don't want to be human anymore. I don't want to live this life anymore."

He gives me a concerned look. It seems like he wants to dart from the room at the mention of this subject, and in his eyes, I can see pain.

"Bella," before he can say another word, I put a finger to his lips to keep him from speaking.

"Listen to me. I want to be like you. Change me, Edward. Please?" I know what I'm asking. I've thought about it over and over again, and I decided this is what I need. If I want to be with him then I need to be like him. I need him to change me.

"Bella, do you realize what you're asking me?"

"Yes," I say as I lean in and brush my lips across his.

He pulls away. "Bella, no."

"Please?" I say softly as I touch his face.

He closes his eyes as he takes in the warmth of my skin. I need him to do this. I can't live this human life anymore.

"I won't change you," he says abruptly as he stands up.

Why is he being so stubborn? I want this. Why can't he just give it to me?

"Why are you being so stubborn? This is something I want."

Edward turns to me. He's about to say something, but instead, he looks toward the door and then at me again.

I hear footsteps on the porch, so I quickly get up and go to the door.

"Jake," I say as I open the door and find him retreating. At the sound of my voice, Jake stops and turns to face me. He doesn't say a word, just stands there staring at me. I know there is a lot on his mind.

"How long were you standing here?" I ask, hoping and praying he wasn't standing here on my front porch listening to me and Edward the entire time.

"Bella, we need to talk," he says sternly.

Edward comes up behind me. I can see the fury in Jake's eyes as he looks at Edward.

"We will talk about this later," Edward says as he steps around me and walks past Jake to his car.

Jacob watches him get in his car and speed off. He continues to stand there with his back turned looking out into the vast Forks woods. I can't take this silence!

"Talk," I demand.

He turns, finally facing me. "I want to know why," he breathes.

"Why what?" I ask.

"Why him? Why become one of them? Give me one good reason why you think becoming one of them is better than…than.."

I cut him off. "Than what? This life? This human life I hate so much! Anything is better than this, Jacob!" I yell.

"You have me. You haven't even lived yet, Bella. I can make your life worth living. Please don't let him change you. Please? I begging you," he pleads.

I look down. He's just saying all of this because he doesn't want me to be with Edward.

"You're just saying this because you can't stand the thought of me being with Edward and not you." That hit a nerve. I can see the anger in his face.

"Oh, so now you're going to play that card. You're right. I can't stand the thought of him touching you, being around you. He isn't human; he isn't alive. I'm alive, Bella, breathing." He takes my hand and places it against his chest, over his heart.

"Feel my heart, Bella. Edward's heart will never beat like this. I can give you so much more than he can. Please, don't do this."

I look up into his eyes. They are begging and pleading. Tears start to sting my eyes.

Should I live this human life with Jacob or risk losing him to become like Edward? Tears are crawling down my face. Jacob wipes them away with his thumb.

"It's your call. But just know this: I will fight for you no matter what. You're my life, Bella," he says as he pulls me into his arms and hugs me tightly.

*Edward*

"She wants you to change her, doesn't she?" Alice asks as she watches me closely.

Sometimes I hate the fact that Alice can see things happening before they actually happen.

"It's not going to happen," I growl. It won't happen. I won't let it happen.

"Edward, she's going to change no matter what. I saw it. You're going to change her. If you don't, you're just going to push her into the arms of that disgusting mutt, Jacob Black. In my vision, you and Bella…" I stop her from saying another word.

"Alice, I really don't want to talk about it. I know what you saw. I can see it." The images are playing in my head over and over. It's not going to happen. I won't let Bella live the life of a monster.

"She will get what she wants. You can't say no to her no matter what you do to persuade her otherwise," Alice replies.

"Why would she want to live a life like this? Why would she want to be monster like me?" I ask.

Alice smiles sweetly. "She loves you."

"What should I do? Would changing her be the right thing to do?" I ask.

"That's your decision. But I know it will happen. There's no stopping it," she replies.

*Bella*

I nearly jump out of my skin when I turn and see Edward's presence in my room. I swear I think he's trying to give me a heart attack by doing that.

"Edward," I say taking a deep breath.

"I didn't mean to startle you," he whispers.

"It's okay." I continue walking around the room gathering up dirty clothes.

"Can we talk?" he asks.

"Yeah, sure, talk away," I say as I throw the dirty clothes into the closet.

"Look, Bella, I thought about it and…"

I cut him by reaching up and softly kissing his lips.

He pulls away from me. I know this decision is difficult to make. He stands there thinking. I know he's nervous and doesn't know how to put words to what he wants to say.

"So, did you and Jacob talk?" he asks. He's changing the subject.

"Don't change the subject. And I don't want to talk about Jake." I cross my arms. "So, have you thought about my question?"

"Yes," he replies softly.

"And?" I ask.

"I thought about it, and I made a decision."

*Edward*

Making this decision was difficult. She is so stubborn and difficult and hard-headed. She has so much to live for, so many human experiences she has yet to experience.

She looks at me with an intense stare, waiting for me to give her an answer.

" I won't change you," I say softly.

"If you won't do it, then I will find someone who will."

She is so stubborn. Who does she think she will find to change her?

"Who do you think will do it?" I ask curiously.

"I'm sure Alice will do it. And if she won't there is always Jasper or Emmett or…."

I stop her from saying another word. Does she really think she can go to my family to do this for her? They would never betray me like that. Alice knows how I feel about this. I'm trying so hard to keep to Alice's vision from coming true. I'm trying to keep myself in control, because if I lose control I might end up killing her. I can't risk it. Now that I realize it, Alice never did say that in her vision I would kill her. She just said I would change her. The vision floats back into my mind.

"You're willing to go to my family ask them to change you? Bella, they would never betray me like that. They wouldn't risk it. I wouldn't let them do it."

She looks down at her feet. She knows I'm right. "It's worth the risk to ask. I thought you of all people would understand and do this one thing for me," she replies as she turns to the door and walks out.

I follow her downstairs. "Bella, I understand perfectly. I love you too much to let you live the life I'm living."

She stops dead in her tracks, at the bottom of the stairs, and turns to face me. Tears are streaming down her face. "You love me too much? You don't love me enough then. I hate this life, Edward. Don't you get it? There's nothing in this life worth living for!" she screams.

"I can't risk losing control with you. There's a chance I could kill you and you won't change at all...you'll be dead. Your blood is too…tempting. I won't be able to get enough. You won't be able to stop me once I have a taste. That night I bit you, if Carlisle hadn't stopped me, I would've sucked every ounce of blood out of you. I have no control, Bella. So please, don't ask me to do this," I plead with her.

She looks away from me. I know she's upset, but she has to understand. I step closer and wipe the tears from her eyes. She pulls away and starts toward the door.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"I have to try," she murmurs.

"I'm not letting you do this," I say sternly.

"I don't care what you want." She walks out the door, slamming it shut.

I follow her. Is she going to walk to my house? It's raining and cold.

"Bella!" I yell as she continues to walk. I grab her and stop her from taking one more step.

"It's raining and cold. Let's go inside," I say, holding her tightly. The rain is dripping down her face. It's coming down harder.

She pulls her arm away. "No!" she yells as she continues to walk.

"Bella!" I shout, following her.

She stops and stands there with her back to me. I wait for what seems like hours until she finally turns around slowly. I see her face, but I'm not sure if she's crying or if it's the rain running down her cheeks. She is clearly upset. She looks down and then walks past me back to the house.

I follow her inside, not sure what she's going to do. I'm worried about her. She rushes through the front door, practically slamming it in my face.

"Bella."

She stands in the living room. Her clothes are dripping wet.

"I'd better go change," she whispers as she heads to the stairs.

I stop her just before she makes it to the first step.

"Wait." I pull her close and hold her face in my hands. Leaning forward, I place my forehead against hers.

"Edward," she whispers.

I lean in and kiss her lips. I'm losing control. I can feel it.

I need her.

I want her.

My fingers find their way through her wet hair. The next thing I know we are up the stairs going toward her room. The monster is coming out of me.

We start pulling at each other's wet clothes. I need to control myself. I pull her wet body to mine kissing her face, her neck - her neck, her sweet warm neck. I lay my face in the crook of her neck and inhale. She clings to me and whimpers as I kiss her soft flesh, taking in her wonderful, delightful scent. I'm losing all control. I want to pull away, but I can't. She is so warm, delightfully warm.

"Edward," she whispers into my ear.

I lift my face from the crook of her neck. She lets me go of me and slowly starts to take off the remainder of her wet clothing. She is so beautiful.

I can feel the monster inside of me is creeping out even more now. I want to take her. I want to taste her blood. I don't think I can control myself any longer. I pull her into my arms once again, kissing her with passion. We make our way to the bed.

I need to stay in control. If this happens, I want it to be perfect for her. But I know deep down I will end up her hurting or worse….killing her. I kiss her with so much force, practically pinning her to the bed. She wraps her arms around me, pulling me closer to her.

I want to feel her, taste her. No. I can't. I won't.

Her neck is so inviting. She moans with my touch. I lick her neck. She shivers from the contact. I'm at the edge. The beating of her heart against my chest, feel of her blood pulsing through her body, is sending me over the edge. I kiss her neck and close my eyes trying to push the urge away. It doesn't work. I lean in and softly bite into her flesh.

She yells out in pain.

"Hold still," I say softly.

She stiffens a little.

I lean in once again and lick the blood from the small bite I caused. Her blood is warm, sticky, and sweet.

I need more.

I bite down harder this time. She clings to me as I begin to drink her blood, moaning in pleasure and pain all at the same time. Those sounds make me bite even harder. I have to control myself, or I'll end up killing her. I quickly pull away knowing the pain from the venom will soon kick in. I lick the bite clean and hold her down waiting for the torture to come.

"Bella," I say, brushing the hair from her eyes.

The venom is taking its course. She is changing. She convulses on the bed and screams out as pain registers in her brain.

I look into her eyes and brush her hair from her face as I kiss her softly. I can't stand seeing her like this. I lay my head down on her chest waiting for her pain to end. Closing my eyes, I listen to her heart slowly fade away as the change takes effect.