Chapter 4

A Soldier's Call

NOTES:

Hi everyone,

This will be a relatively short chapter, but I do hope you will like it nonetheless. :)

Bucky sauntered through the thick layer of snow, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jacket. He stared absentmindedly, his body moving on auto-pilot as he had no idea where he was going, and frankly, he did not care.

It had been almost two weeks now since he had started to avoid Steve. He would walk out of the room the moment the blond would enter, he slept in his own bedroom again, he even went as far as to leave the house in the early morning and just walk until his legs could no longer carry him.

He would walk aimlessly, just like he did now.

He was grateful that the blizzard had passed. The icy winds were starting to feel like knives, cutting the skin in his face.

He took his cellphone out of his pocket, expecting nothing, yet hoping for a text or missed phone call. Bucky sighed as he saw no such thing.

He continued his mind-numbing wandering for another couple of hours, only returning to the Avengers Compound as his stomach started to contract with hunger.

With nearly frozen fingers, Bucky opened the large front door and walked inside, throwing his snow-covered coat over the radiator. He walked into the common room, surprised to see Tony hanging on the couch, a blanket covering his legs.

The playboy looked over his shoulder and stared at the man for a second, a deep feeling of hatred flaring through his chest. 'Hey,' he spoke as casual as possible, forcing his hands to relax as they almost clenched into tight fists.

As Bucky looked up he noticed how his chest tightened at the sight of the playboy. Not understanding why his hands started to softly tremble, he decided to just burry them deep within the pockets of his vest as he uncomfortably walked towards Tony. 'Is uhm, is Steve here?'

'Yeah, he is,' Tony said slowly. 'He's in the kitchen getting us some drinks and snacks. We've decided to binge watch some series, you know, just hanging on the couch with a warm blanket, not a care in the world.' He stretched his limbs and let out a yawn. 'So, uhm, what have you been up to?'

'Not much,' Bucky shrugged but as Tony raised a questioning brow he let out a sigh. 'I just had to clear my mind, so I went for a walk…'

'Okay,' Tony turned his attention towards the kitchen, hearing the soft humming of the microwave in the background, quickly followed by the sound of popping corn. He then looked at the soldier again and stood up, wrapping an arm over his shoulder as he lowered his voice. 'Listen, Buck, we both know we will never be the best of friends, but,' he looked the soldier in the eye, 'Steve's been down for days, and, by the looks of it, so have you. Did anything happen between the two of you?' He tried to ask the question with as much concern as he could muster.

Bucky averted his eyes from the playboy, his jaw clenched.

'Hey,' Tony made the man look at him. 'I'm asking you this because I'm concerned, for the both of you. You don't have to tell me if you don't feel like it, but I just thought I might be able to help. After all, I know Steve like no other.' The smile that now formed on his face was somewhat questionable, 'I've been with him since he's out of cryo-sleep, fought with him, taught him the ways of the twenty-first century. All that while you, well, you know, walked around like a brainless murdering machine.'

Bucky hardly dared to look Tony in the eye as these last words hit him. He sighed deeply, 'We got into a fight a couple of weeks ago.' As he felt Tony still staring at him, he reluctantly continued, 'I, I think there's something wrong with me, Stark. I want to be with Steve, but at the same time I just… I want to push him away. I can't stand him anymore, o-or myself, I don't know.' The soldier leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. He stared at his feet, the contraction of his throat making it nearly impossible for him to speak. 'These last couple of weeks I, I just want to be as far away from Steve as possible, but when I do so I feel horrible…' The soldier pushed himself from the wall, frustration keeping him from standing still. 'I just don't know why I suddenly feel this way or what to do! And the worst part of it all is that I…' he then looked into the kitchen. He saw how Steve tried to reach for a bowl on the top shelve, only to flinch and place his hand on the exact spot where the soldier's vibranium arm had collided with his ribs. Bucky's stomach turned, his shoulders dropping with the heavy weight of guild and regret. 'I've hurt him, Tony…' He whispered softly.

Tony remained silent as a wave of different emotions washed over him. The little cracks in the relationship were apparently starting to grow deeper and Tony could not be happier to witness the slow but steady destruction first-hand. He managed to suppress his smile at the thought of the Winter Soldier daring to lay his filthy hands on his Captain. He eventually unclenched his jaw and spoke in a nonchalant tone; 'Ah, don't worry. Cap's a though guy. He can take it.'

A scoffing one-sided smile formed on the soldier's face, 'I don't only mean physically. Every time I walk away from him, every time I walk out of the door I just feel those damn brilliant blue eyes stare right after me… I hear the hurt in his voice every time he tries to talk to me, asking me why I'm avoiding him, why I'm always out. I see the hopelessness in his eyes every time I tell him that I… that I don't know…'

'So that's why Steve's been so miserable lately,' Tony nodded slowly, a content feeling of sweet victory forming deep within him as he heard Bucky sigh in defeat. 'He's having a real hard time because of you, Buck.'

'I know,' the soldier cursed under his breath. He let his fingers slip through his straggly hair after which he took a deep breath. 'You know Tony… When Steve and I started our relationship, I seriously thought I could make him happy. I wanted to protect him, to be there for him and to,' Bucky wet his lips, his eyes scanning his surroundings as he searched for the right words. 'to just let him know that I am grateful for everything he has done for me, and to let him know that I love him…'

'And you did, for a moment, at least.' Tony's calm and gentle voice made the desperate soldier turn to him. 'However,' the playboy continued, his voice now dark and stern, 'right now, you are destroying him. Each time you walk away from him, each time you refuse to talk to him, I see him die a little inside, Barnes.'

'I know, but-' Bucky remained silent as he felt tears forming in his eyes, 'I-I just don't know why I feel like this, or what to do…'

'Well, it can't go on like this forever, now can it?' Tony started carefully. 'You can't keep doing this to Steve. The man loves you but you, you just manage to destroy him, again and again and again. You drop in and out of his life, constantly, and it is slowly killing him inside,' the last words of Tony's sentence came out as a mere whisper.

The soldier finally let himself fall in a chair, his head spinning. He looked at his trousers, wondering what the small dark stains were that had suddenly formed on the fabric. His lips parted slightly as he came to realize what was happening. He placed a trembling hand on his cheek, his fingertips soaking in the tears that slowly trickled down his skin. He looked up at the playboy with pleading eyes, his voice trembling as he spoke, 'What should I do…?'

'Well,' Tony sighed deeply and crossed his arms, 'You must make a change, Barnes. And I think that, deep down, you know what you must do, for Steve's sake.' He crouched down in front of the man, his stern eyes now leveled with those of the soldier. 'Every time you disappear, every time you slam that door in Roger's face, he just shatters.' Tony's voice was soft, making it sound like he cared, like he felt truly sorry for the soldier. 'and you leave me to pick up those pieces and try to mend him. I am the one who has to comfort him, to tell him that everything will be alright and honestly, I don't know how much longer I can see him languish in sorrow.' The playboy sighed as he got no response. 'Listen, Barnes, I know you love Rogers, but, sometimes, things just don't end up the way we want them to…' Tony gulped as he said this, memories of his friends flashing through his mind. He shook his head, ridding himself of the thoughts of his team leaving him, one by one. He looked up at the lost creature in front of him, a sinful determination hollowing his eyes as he came to realize just again how much he needed Steve to stay with him. 'I know this will be really hard for you but, you know what to do, right?' He took a deep breath and straightened his back. 'You can't stay in Steve's life, not like this.'

Bucky looked up at the man for a moment, taking trembling breaths. He quickly wiped the tears of his face and gave a reluctant nod, 'Yeah…' he looked into the kitchen, seeing how Steve started to make his way back. 'I know.' He then turned his attention to the man in front of him again. 'Tony, I… I know you don't like me and I know you only let me stay here because Steve asked you too.'

Tony's eyes widened. 'No, I mean, well,'

'It's okay, I would hate me as well if I were you.' Bucky managed to smile as he saw the nervous expression written on the playboy's face. 'I just wanted to say thank you. Thanks for letting me live here, for tolerating me, but, most of all, I would like to thank you for looking after Steve when I didn't. He can be a real punk and a pain in the ass, sacrificing himself without thinking twice, but… He's really a good guy.' The warm smile formed out of pure love that showed on the soldier's face made Tony's stomach turn.

The playboy stared at the soldier for a moment, forcing a quick smile. 'Yeah, he is. And you're welcome.' He then let out a deep sigh, 'So, you know what to do now, right?'

Bucky nodded slowly.

'It's for the best, soldier,' Tony patted the man on his shoulder as he stood up.

'What is for the best?' Steve asked as he entered the common room, a surprised look on his face as he saw Tony standing next to what, officially, still was his boyfriend. 'Buck…'

'Hey punk,' Bucky managed a pained smile as he quickly stood up.

'I'll leave you two alone for a minute,' Tony gave a quick nod as he walked out of the room, stealing a handful of popcorn from the captain along the way.

A heavy silence filled the air as the two men were now left alone.

'Steve,' Bucky started, determinately straightening his back. 'I think we need to talk.'