Chapter 10

On Lust and Love

Steve twitched his fingers as he slowly regained consciousness, feeling comfortable and soft fabric underneath his body.

He opened his eyes and stared at a familiar ceiling. He blinked and turned his head at the sound of wood crackling, now seeing that there was a soft fire burning in the fireplace of the Compound's common room. He laid still on the couch and stared at the gently dancing flames, wondering when it was that he had returned home.

His head was spinning as he tried to remember everything that has happened in the past few hours. With his body heavy and weary Steve wanted to close his eyes again, but then opened them widely as he heard a soft sigh. He looked at his side, noticing Tony right next to him. He was sitting on his knees, the man's upper body resting on the couch as his eyes were closed. He wasn't wearing his suit anymore, or at least what was left of it, and Steve could now clearly see all the damage that his boyfriend had done to him. The bruises on his skin were already turning dark, the many cuts and abrasions still feverishly red.

Steve sat up straight, the soft blanket that was so caringly wrapped around his body now falling to the ground. 'Tony…?' he whispered, his voice hoarse from screaming.

The playboy slowly opened his eyes and looked up, a gentle smile forming on his face. 'Hey, Rogers,' he sighed in relief.

The blond looked at his hands and saw that the blue color had disappeared from his fingers. 'When did I…?'

'I couldn't leave you out there any longer, cap,' Tony said as he stood up with a soft hiss. 'I'm sorry, but I had to bring you back. You would have died otherwise.' He limped over to the fire place and threw another log into the flames.

'I'm sorry for all the trouble,' Steve muttered as he placed his bare feet on the floor, allowing his friend to sit next to him. 'I'm so sorry for everything, Tony...'

'That's okay, I used to save people all the time when I was younger, you know, protect the world with a bunch of heroes who were just as reckless as you,' Tony chuckled but as Steve only stared into the flames again, his smile faded. 'Really cap, it's okay, it's not your fault.'

'I still can't believe that-' Steve started but he could not find it in him to finish his sentence. 'Tony, what happened, exactly? Why did Buck attack you?'

'Well, I was tinkering with some tech in my lab, staying up way to late as usual, when I heard a noise coming from upstairs. I thought that the two of you were asleep, so I summoned my suit and went out to investigate.' Tony carefully turned his body to face the captain properly, 'Steve, when I found him he… he was searching through my wallet and took out all the cash I had in it. When I called his name, he turned around and,' the playboy frowned as he envisioned his own story. 'He had this- this insane gaze in his eyes.'

'So it was not Buck,' Steve said, his voice balancing between relief and desperation. 'It must have been the Winter Soldier. Bucky's suffering from relapses, h-he told me so! That must explain this behavior, it must be the Winter Soldier's doing.'

'That's what I thought as well,' Tony quickly continued with a grim expression as he looked away from Steve. 'I approached him cautiously, knowing he could be unpredictable when he, well, loses sight of himself. I told him that I didn't want to fight him, that there must have been another way to solve whatever he's been dealing with as long as he let us help him but…' he remained silent for a moment and shook his head. '"No need to talk to me like I'm some broken machine gone berserk, Stark. I don't need your help, I'm fucking done with both you and Steve."- that's what he said.' Tony looked Steve in the eye, meeting his lost gaze. 'I'm sorry, Steve, but I know the difference between Bucky and the Winter Soldier and this was one hundred percent Barnes.'

Steve remained silent and just stared into the flames.

'Steve…?' Tony asked softly as he noticed how the captain's hands had slowly clenched into fists on his lap, his jaw trembling slightly.

'I don't understand him anymore, Tony,' The captain's weak voice triggered a sharp pain in the playboy's chest as he had never heard the man whisper so defeatedly. 'I want to help him, and I try so hard but I… I just don't know what to do anymore.'

'I don't think there's anything you can do, Rogers,' Tony wrapped an arm around the man's trembling shoulders and pulled him in his warm embrace. He managed to suppress a hiss in pain as the captain rested his head against his bruised chest. He closed his eyes as he felt the blond shudder in his arms, every sob that followed feeling like a dagger piercing his heart. 'You've done all you could, Steve. You have been so brave and fought so hard,' he whispered, gently rocking the captain's body back and forth. 'But now, it's time to rest. You have to think of yourself for a moment, and… let Barnes go.'

At that moment, at those soothing yet poisonous words, Steve lost control over his emotions and broke down in the man's arms. His cries filled the air, his tears drenching the playboy's shirt as he came to realize, once again, that he would probably never see his boyfriend again.

And Tony?

Tony held the captain in his arms, letting him cry his heart out while his hand amiably moved through blond locks. He whispered soothing and honeyed nothings, barely keeping himself from placing gentle kisses against the man's temple.

They sat in the common room together till the fire had died, leaving smoldering ash and the scent of burned wood.

'Steve?'

The blond didn't respond.

'Maybe you should take a shower and go to bed, huh?' Tony continued as he rubbed the man's back. 'It's getting late and you must be pretty exhausted.'

As the captain still didn't talk, Tony stood up and took the blond's pale hands in his own. They walked towards the bathroom next to the playboy's bedroom and Tony made sure to grab everything Steve needed before leaving the man to shower alone.

'I'll be next door, so if you need anything, just shout, okay?' Tony handed the captain a large soft towel, 'Or ask Jarvis.'

Steve nodded, 'Thanks, Tony…'

'Anything for you, cap. Just take your time.' The playboy placed a hand on the man's shoulder for a second and smiled before walking towards his own bedroom. He started to undress and change into some comfortable sweatpants and dark grey shirt, his eyes constantly darting towards the laptop that stood on his desk.

He stood still for a minute as he now heard the shower running and, with a deep sigh, sat down behind the desk. He placed his hand on the laptop, a moment of hesitation keeping him from opening it, but he eventually started it up anyway. 'Jarv,' he muttered as he tried to make himself comfortable in his chair. 'Give me camera seven point one, please.'

There was a split second of silence before the AI spoke, 'Camera display failed, sir. Initiating code two-zero-six. The Privacy Protocols.'

'Again with that crap?' Tony sighed and rolled his eyes. 'Overruled.'

'Privacy Protocol overruled. Now displaying camera seven point one.'

Tony felt his heart beating loudly as the video footage became visible on the screen of his laptop. There, live and right in front of his eyes, he saw the captain, naked and soaked underneath the shower. Tony gulped as he adjusted himself in his chair, his blood rushing through his body while a burning heat flared below his waist.

God, Steve was perfect. Pale skin wrapped over strong muscles, long legs supporting his sturdy body, soft fingers moving through blond hair. This must have been what the ancient Greek had found when they were searching for their Gods, this must have been what they had envisioned as they created their sculptures for worshiping.

And that is what Steve was to Tony. A piece of precious art, a perfect sculpture brought to life, just for him and him alone.

The playboy let out a shaking breath as he saw the captain covering himself in a musky shower gel, his hands moving over every inch of his body, leaving a trail of soapy bubbles on his skin. Tony tried to tear his eyes away from his screen, especially now his own hand started to slide down his pants, but the captain's naked sight was just too inviting to be ignored. He let himself fall back into the chair as he held his cock in one hand, his imagination taking him into a dream where Steve was slowly moving his lips around his throbbing member.

Tony moved his hand as he closed his eyes, stroking himself in sync with the captain's movements in his lustful reverie. He imagined the captain's bright blue eyes looking up at him, moaning his name as he forced Tony all the way down his throat, and Tony led out a shuddering breath.

He stroked himself faster, his cheeks feeling feverish as he panted heavily. With eyes half-lidded, he looked at his screen again, watching Steve rinse the soap from his body, revealing himself, naked and flawless.

It was at that moment that a shot of ecstasy made the playboy squirm hot in his chair. His entire body convulsed in sinful pleasure as he let out a loud whine, just barely being able to keep himself from moaning Steve's name as he came in his hand.

Tony let himself slumber into his chair, his muscles now heavy and lax as he panted. After he took a second to catch his breath, he quickly cleaned himself off, righted his clothes and poured himself some liquor from a bottle he had standing at the corner of his desk.

He looked at his hands which were still shaking as he brought the glass to his lips and laughed softly at himself, not remembering when it was last that he had come this hard.

His smile was soon to disappear however as he heard a knock on his door.

'Tony?' Steve's voice sounded timidly from the other side of the door. 'Can I come in?'

'Uh,' Tony reacted, his eyes shooting at his laptop which was still projecting the bathroom. 'Just a sec, cap.' He quickly turned the device off, cleared his throat and tried to take a casual pose. 'Come in.'

Steve opened the door slowly, 'I just-' he started but then tilted his head slightly as he frowned. 'Am I… interrupting something?' he asked awkwardly as he saw Tony leaning heavily against his closet with one hand, a drink in his other.

'Uh, no,' Tony smiled quickly, and he raised his glass. 'Just taking my nightcap.' As he then noticed the captain's red eyes, his smile faded completely.

Steve had been crying.

The man he loved so much was crying while he…

'It's times like these that I wished alcohol could still effect me.'

Tony looked up as Steve's voice pulled him from his thoughts and he saw a faint smile on the man's face. It was painful and melancholic, but to Tony, it still counted as a smile.

'I might have something that could work,' The playboy said as he passed the captain. 'Stay here, I'll be right back. Uh, take a seat, if you want.'

'Uhm, thanks,' Steve looked around the room and settled with the desk chair, causing Tony's cheeks to flare up as he was just sitting there himself while...

'Be right back,' Tony forced himself to say as he paced out of the room, only to come back with a bottle of unbranded liquor. 'Here, try this,' he handed Steve a large glassful. 'It's Asgardian mead, I think Thor has forgotten about it so, who knows. You might not get wasted, but it just might do the trick for you to get some sleep.' He then gestured the captain to come sit next to him on his bed, raising his glass as Steve did so. 'bottoms up.'

'Bottoms up,' Steve heartedly downed the entire glass in one go. His eyes widened, as did his smile, as he immediately felt the liquor mixing with the blood in his veins. 'Tony this is… this stuff is amazing!'

Tony chuckled in surprise at the captain's sudden joyful mood, 'glad to hear you like it.' He placed a hand on the captain's back, slowly moving it up and massaging his neck. 'So, what did you come here for, anyway?'

'Uh…' Steve pensively squinted his eyes as he looked at Tony, his brain now seeming to work half its usual phase. 'Oh yeah! I just wanted to- and Tony, I want you to listen carefully- I just wanted to say… That I'm sorry, and that I'm thankful.'

'…Okay,' Tony said slowly, now noticing how the captain slurred his words. 'I think such a large glass full might have been a little too much, even for the great Captain America,' he chuckled softly as he took the empty glass from the blond's hands. 'Well, at least its working,' he muttered softly.

'No, Tony, listen,' Steve grabbed the playboy by his hands, causing the man to look at him in surprise. 'I'm sorry for letting that fuck mess up our lives. I'm so sorry he attacked you and, and, left me and came back and then left us again and came back and… wait, is he back now or is he gone?'

'Uh,' Tony uttered. 'He's-'

'Nah, it doesn't matter,' Steve scoffed bitterly, the alcohol racing through his body. 'That piece of shit can just drop dead and rot in hell for all I care.'

'Woah, language!' Tony frowned as he heard himself say this, but then fell completely silent as the captain's words actually dawned on him. He felt his chest clench as he saw the tears that had formed in the captain's eyes and he gulped. 'Yeah… drop dead.' He then smiled at the man. 'You know, some wishes might actually come true.'

'Whut?' Steve asked, but as Tony just awkwardly smiled at him, he shrugged. 'Listen, Tony,' he continued, suddenly sounding all sober. He placed a hand on the playboy's cheek, gently moving his face to look him in the eye. 'I am really, really grateful for all your help and support today. If you weren't here, well, I'd just be one big depressed mess right now.'

Tony's heart skipped a beat as he stared into those brilliant azure eyes. The captain's cheeks were bright red, and his pupils constricted, clearly the man was still drunk, but to Tony, it didn't matter. 'You're welcome cap.' He smiled as he took the blond's hands in his own. He moved a little closer, their lips almost touching as he whispered; 'You're always welcome.'

Steve smiled softly and wanted to stand up, murmuring something about going to bed, but before he could even lift a foot to set his first step, he lost his balance and fell flat on his back on Tony's bed. 'Oh my god, Tony,' he suddenly laughed loudly. 'I'm so sorry. I'm such a piece of shit right now, I'm fucking drunk.'

'You don't say,' Tony chuckled somewhat awkwardly as he had never dared to hear the blond talk like this. 'Listen, Steve, you can just sleep here if you want to.'

Steve looked up and smiled childishly. 'That would be just great, thanks.' He then opened his eyes wide as if realizing something and pointed at his friend. 'No silly business, though! No touchy!'

'No touchy,' Tony laughed, raising a hand while placing his other on his heart. 'I promise.'