Chapter 11

The Hopeful and the Hungry

Being true to his word, Tony let the captain sleep next to him in his king-size bed without touching him.

Well, without touching him inappropriately, anyway. He was quite sure that Steve would not mind him holding his hand or, as the blond was vast asleep, wrap his arms around him.

Tony inhaled deeply, taking in the man's scent and holding it for a few seconds before breathing out.

He let his hands explore the captain's body, feeling every relaxed muscle he could get his hands on. He felt his heartbeat increasing as he moved his hands underneath Steve's shirt, letting them trail over rock-hard abs. He then looked up at the captain as a thought came to his mind. He slowly ventured lower, one hand now softly stroking the blond's cock through the fabric of his pants.

Tony's eyes darted from the man's tranquil expression to the bulge that was slowly swelling beneath his fingers, a delighted smirk forming on his face as he heard Steve's breathing becoming heavier.

'God, you're beautiful, Steve,' The playboy whispered softly as he felt a heat flaring below his waist.

Knowing the captain was out cold from the heavy liquor, the playboy dared to press a soft kiss in the crook of the man's neck, his hand still moving in gentle motions between the blond's legs.

Tony's panting breath haunted over Steve's skin, a lustful grin forming on his face as he felt the captain squirm beneath his touch. However, as the playboy looked up, his smile disappeared. Steve was still asleep, but he was frowning heavily, his expression showing nothing but discomfort as he was squirming to get out of the playboy's grip.

'Oh, come on, honey, don't give me that,' Tony murmured softly, almost in a plea as he got on his hands and knees. He settled himself between Steve's slightly parted legs, making sure the blond could not close them as he now started to untie the string that kept the captain's pants from falling from his hips. 'I'll make sure you'll feel really good, I promise.'

Tony's hot breath caressed Steve's skin before lifting the man's shirt and pressing sloppy kisses against his bared stomach. In the meantime, he had succeeded in untying the knot from the captain's sweatpants and tried to move them down his hips.

'Come on Rogers, work with me, damn it,' he growled in frustration as Steve let out a soft whimper and weakly moved his legs, preventing the playboy from lowering his pants.

'Fuck!' Tony cursed harshly and glared at the pale figure beneath him. He grabbed the blond's squirming legs and roughly pinned them down on the matrass, his fingers digging into soft skin with enough force to leave it bruised. At this forceful move, Steve froze. His muscles tensed completely, his breathing soft and hardly perceptible.

Tony stared at the frozen man beneath him before a loving smile showed on his face again. 'You have to work with me, sweetheart,' he whispered tenderly, his hands now moving towards the captain's hips again. 'I love you, Steve.' He leaned forward, his body now hovering over that of the captain as he whispered softly in his ear. 'And I know that you love me too. I know you want this.'

Blinded by a poisonous concoction of love and lust, Tony pulled down the blond's pants and underpants to his hips and admired every inch of exposed body.

'I love you, Steve,' Tony moaned as his fingers crept between the man's thighs, almost penetrating his entrance. 'And you will love me.'

Tony found himself drifting in pleasure and desire and he had no intend of stopping it. He wanted Steve, his Steve, moaning and yearning for his touch. The playboy's heart was racing, pumping blood through his body at rapid speed while he panted and tensed in excitement.

Until he hears a soft sob.

He looked up, a trembling breath snapping him straight out of primitive craving.

Steve seemed to be still asleep, but as Tony was so preoccupied with his own needs, he had not noticed the tears that were slowly trickling down the captain's temple, only to disappear in his hairline.

'Steve, baby,' Tony whispered as he looked absolutely horrified. He moved his hands, tenderly cupping the man's cheeks, 'What has that bastard Barnes done to you that makes you so scared?'

Tony held on to Steve's face even though he felt the captain trying to move his head. 'Ssh, it's okay honey, I'm here for you.' He whispered, pressing a gentle kiss against the captain's lips. He then lay back down next to Steve, his arms wrapping around the blond's body and pulling him against his chest. 'I'll make sure nobody will hurt you,' he whispered, one hand now amiably moving through his hair. 'You're mine and I'll never let you go, Rogers.' He kissed the captain on his temple, 'I will never let you leave me again.'

Tony smiled as he heard Steve's sobs slowly dying and he found himself secretly begging to all the gods he could possibly think of for this night to never end.

But his prayers were in vain.

The next morning, Steve was already out of the playboy's arms and bed before he had opened his eyes. Tony searched frantically throughout the compound as he couldn't find the captain anywhere and eventually asked J.A.R.V.I.S. if he had seen the man.

It turned out that Steve was outside, scanning through the woods surrounding the compound during daylight, only to come back inside as it became too dark to search.

And that was how the captain filled his days for weeks.

Steve was either in his room, searching through old documents from both S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra to find clues to where Bucky could possibly be, or he was outside trying to chase a man that now seemed nothing more but a ghost from his past.

Tony managed to be patient. He knew that this was going to happen, he knew that the stubborn and righteous man would not give up on his lover so easily, so, instead of trying to talk him out of the search, he decided to join in.

He pretended to help Steve to look for leads. He pretended to search through suspicious locations, even traveling to other countries. Wakanda, Sokovia, Russia, Tony was just happy to spend all this together with the one he loved, pretending to be just as disappointed as the captain when all their efforts would lead up to nothing.

Time passed, slowly, and eventually Tony's patience started to run out.

It was New Year's Eve when the playboy walked into the common room, finding the captain lying on the couch. His eyes were closed, piles of documentations surrounding him just like every other night.

Tony smiled softly as he saw the man's chest move in a gentle motion.

'Steve,' he whispered as he crouched down next to him. 'Come on, Rogers, wake up. I'm not gonna let you sleep through the magical hour.'

The blond let out a soft grumble before slightly opening his eyes. 'Tony,' his voice was soft and drowsy. 'Wha- what happened? What time is it? Did I fell asleep?'

'Sure did, old man,' Tony chuckled, helping the captain to sit up straight. 'Listen, it's almost eleven o'clock. Why don't you take a shower, get dressed properly and we can celebrate New Year's together, just you and I?'

'Yeah, celebrate…' The captain repeated sluggishly, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. 'I don't know Tony, I don't really feel like celebrating anything. I think I'll just go to bed.'

Tony let out an imperceptible sigh in irritation, only to quickly force a smile on his face again. 'Come on, cap. I bet you can't even sleep through all the noise from the fireworks. Might as well be here to enjoy them?'

Steve remained silent for a moment, the only thing, or rather, person, he could think of being Bucky. He had tried so hard to find the soldier. He wanted to talk to him so bad, to tell him that he would help him, that they could work together on whatever it was that the soldier was going through. But most of all, he wanted to tell him how much he loved him. Even after all that's happened, even after all they have been through together, Steve still loved him so much.

He would love him to the end of the line.

'I'm really sorry, Tony,' he eventually muttered with a beaten-down sigh, a sudden overwhelming desire for Bucky's warm and loving embrace nearly bringing tears to his eyes. 'I just don't feel like it.'

Tony stared after the captain as he stood up, following the blond with his eyes as he walked towards the bedroom halls. With a deadly glare he jumped up from the couch and grabbed the captain by his wrist, only to smile again as the blond turned around in surprise. 'Listen, Steve, I really would like for you to join me tonight. Please.'

Steve confusedly blinked his eyes as he noticed his friend's grip on his wrist tightening. 'I, uhm,' he stuttered, a bit lost for words. 'S-sure, Tony, if it really means that much to you. I'll just take a shower and be right back,' he said softly as he was slightly taken aback by the fact that he had to force a smile on his face towards his friend.

'Great,' Tony said as he let go of the captain's wrist, the tension that lingered in the air only seconds ago now completely gone. 'I'll clean up your mess here,' he gestured with a smirk at the piles of documentations spread across the floor and coffee table. 'So you just go take a nice shower and I'll see you in a minute.'

Tony waited for the captain to leave the room and quickly turned around. He grabbed two glasses from the kitchen cabinet and placed them on the coffee table, filling one with Asgardian liquor and the other with champagne.

He stared at his glass with slight hesitation, only to down it in one big gulp, letting out a deep sigh as he felt the alcohol burning through his gullet.

Surely one drink wouldn't hurt, and neither would two, or three for that matter. Tony cursed at himself as he placed his empty glass next to the one he had filled with mead. He held up the bottle of champagne and noticed that half of it was already empty after he had downed his sixth glass.

Already starting to feel light-headed, he moved back to the common room and started on collecting all the files which were scattered across everywhere. He blinked his eyes heavily as he crouched down, quickly grabbing on to the couch as he nearly fell face first to the floor.

He shook his head and tried to focus on this evening's event. It will be perfect, just the two of them, watching the fireworks. A warm feeling stirred in the playboy's chest and although he did not know whether it was his undying love or the alcohol raging, he just smiled brightly, feeling like a hopeless idiot as he did so.

He reached out to the table and grabbed a handful of notes and documentations;

"S.H.I.E.L.D. CASE 2.7 - 0: SERGEANT JAMES B. BARNES"

Tony shook his head and tried to ignore the anger that sparked in his core as he read the title of the document. He thought of the captain and felt the smile creeping on his face again. They could drink together, enjoying the rest of the evening in each other's company and celebrate a new start for the both of them. He grabbed another pile of papers;

"S.H.I.E.L.D. REPORT 20.9 - 1: SOKOVIA ACCORD FAILED"

Tony's hands started to tremble as he once again was confronted with the ghosts of his past. He felt a tear forming in his eye as he tried to continue gathering Steve's notes and files. He felt that little spark of anger growing, restless and vengeful, but he tried to force it back down.

He was with Steve now, and that was all that mattered. Bucky was gone, out of their lives, leaving Tony together with the one he held so dearly.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. CASE 11.3 - 5: WINTER SOLDIER – CLASSIFIED"

Tony crumbled in on himself as he read the title of yet another file, his hands now tightly clasped around the stack of paperwork he had collected, causing it to crease in his fists.

The soldier was not gone. Bucky was still a big part of Steve's life and thus of Tony's. No matter what the playboy would do now, no matter what he would say, Barnes still managed to keep his captain away from him.

Blame it on the alcohol, or on years of unconditional and unreciprocated love, but it was at that moment that something snapped deep inside Tony.

He would destroy each and every bit of evidence of the soldier's existence, starting with all these old and useless files. He phased towards the fireplace, rage keeping him from falling over, Steve's notes still in his hands. He impatiently waited for the fire to flare as he threw a few more logs on the already smoldering wood, the flames instantly warming his skin. He grabbed the files, throwing them in the fire one by one and watched them burn until there was nothing left.

All Steve's notes, weeks of hard work, gone within seconds.

Being caught in a trance of dancing flames, Tony stared at the charring papers, a smile creeping up on his face when he saw a picture of the man he loathed so deeply burn and turn to ash.

'Tony?'

The playboy looked up, now meeting Steve's gaze who was standing in the door opening. The captain was wearing a light grey suit with a crystal white dress shirt underneath, a pair of burgundy dress shoes completing the outfit, taking Tony's breath away.

'So, what do you think?' Steve asked timidly, showing of the suit which Tony once gave him as a present for his birthday last year by awkwardly twisting his body. 'It's a bit too much, isn't it?' a slightly uncomfortable smile on his face as he rubbed the back of his head. After a moment of silence, Steve let out a sigh and carefully crouched down next to the playboy, feeling the warmth of the fireplace seep through his clothes. 'You uhm, you okay? Surely the suit isn't that horrible, is it?'

Tony stared as gorgeous azure eyes glistening with warm fire light, his mind blank leaving him to hear only the loud beating of his own heart.

One kiss, surely that wouldn't hurt anybody, or so Tony thought as he now laid his eyes on Steve's slightly parted lips, alcohol keeping his mind from thinking clearly. 'Yeah,' he absentmindedly muttered, only to blink his eyes right after and bring himself back to reality. 'I'm fine, Rogers, and you,' he looked at the captain, gesturing at his suit with a sigh that was overflowing with love. 'You look absolutely amazing.' He stood up and grabbed the champagne glasses from the coffee table, making sure to hand the one with Asgardian liquor to the captain. 'I'm really glad you decided to stay up and celebrate the start of a new year with me, Steve.'

'I'm just happy you still want me here,' Steve chuckled as he took the glass from Tony's hand and took a few sips.

Tony smiled, watching the captain relax. 'Jarvis,' he looked the captain up and down, admiring the man's body wrapped up in the suit, like a Christmas present ready to be torn open. 'can you give us some nice music?'