I thought I'd add the second chapter before I turn in for the night, again it's a fairly short chapter, a little dialogue in this one but still setting the scene so to speak.

I apologise in advance for any mistakes or typos, the letter T key is broken so doesnt always work but hopefully ive proofread properly and all is ok.

Reviews are much appreciated, keep reading. Further chapters to come in the next day or two. Better spend tomorrow with the wife or she'll feel neglected lol

"Alex, I'm sorry"

Alex sighed; she'd heard it before, in fact, every single time. She always gave in, and then berated herself for it the next morning, but this time she was determined not to.

Olivia Benson was a complex woman, she always had been. The product of rape, she had been equally hated and loved by her alcoholic mother, who was now deceased. It had left her desperate for comfort, but unable to commit. Taking solace in the arms of men who had only used her for their own sexual gratification had been the story of her teenage years. She had worked her butt off at school, although often leading herself into altercations and detention; she had left school with few good grades. However following in the footsteps of her mother and excelling in English, she became a teacher.

Work had been a distraction, filling her with purpose and meaning, she had left behind her old ways and hadn't been with a man since landing the job at Eleanor Roosevelt High School, six years ago. Of course, her past and everything that came with it she had never shared with Alex.

Her first meeting with the beautiful blonde before her, she remembers vividly as if only yesterday she entered the classroom, books in hand, fumbling over her words in an apology. She had noticed the blush creeping up the face of the young teen, although at the time attributing it to the fact that Alex was shy.

"You're always sorry Olivia" Alex replied tensely, her response startling the brunette

"Alex"

"No. I'm sick of it" Alex started as she unlocked the door to her apartment, half willing herself not to invite the brunette in but wavering "You turn up, we make love and then you leave"

"I have to work"

"You always have to work Olivia, for the past three years! I've asked you, begged even for you to stay, to bring a change of clothes"

Olivia took a step forward, her hand outstretched but Alex turned away, she was tired, tired of the brunette's lack of commitment

"I'm sorry, I just…you know you mean a lot to me Al"

"Do I Olivia?" Alex sighed, turning to face the brunette who was inches behind her, their breaths catching at the close proximity of their lips. Olivia was the first to make a move, her lips brushing gently over the blonde's who sighed into the kiss. It was gentle, slow and comforting but Alex knew she couldn't give in, not this time. She pulled away, tears forming in her eyes, she rubbed them away hastily, annoyed that she was unravelling

"Alex…"

"Please go Olivia, I can't do this…we can't do this"

"Al, I…I'm sorry"

Olivia was sorry, she hoped that the blonde knew deep down that she was deeply sorry for the pain she kept causing Alex. It hadn't been easy these past years, for either of them but Olivia didn't do commitment, she never had, all the men she had slept with had only ever wanted sex, the snuggles afterwards and gentle whisperings had never existed, she'd always been turfed out afterwards. Every time Alex had begged her to stay Olivia so badly wanted to give in, to spend the night in the arms of her lover but she couldn't bring herself to. She was scared, scared of rejection, of hurt and of herself.

As the brunette started her car, she rubbed away a single tear, Alex was special, and Olivia knew that the blonde's feelings for her were not just infatuation but love, she had never felt love before, and that scared Olivia.

Thinking back to the first day they'd talked properly, Olivia smiled sadly, she'd been marking papers in the classroom after school hours when Alex had walked in and then back out again, apologising with that same blush as on the first day they'd met. Olivia had kicked of her shoes and unbuttoned her shirt, the warm sunshine radiating through the windows and both women were embarrassed by the amount of skin on show. Olivia had been teaching at the school for over a year now, the relationship between them having only ever been that of teacher and pupil but both aware of the lingering connection between them.

Olivia had buttoned up her shirt hastily and called Alex back into he classroom, apologising for making her uncomfortable. The blonde had brushed it off, explaining that she'd left her textbook in the class and wondering if Olivia had seen it.

The way she fumbled over her words always made Olivia smile, she'd seen how popular Alex was with her classmates and how confident she was around them.

Not to mention how beautiful the blonde was, Alex was tall, and slim and she had a distinct style, she knew good clothes and Olivia had envied the way Alex could pull of anything she chose to wear.

Thinking back now Olivia can't pinpoint what began the conversation that day but she clearly remembers how they'd talked about anything and everything, the conversation between them easy and continuing late into the evening. It had shocked both women when they'd realised they'd been talking for four hours, and Olivia had taken it upon herself to drive the blonde home. She had been somewhat shocked but not surprised at the extravagant home that she'd been directed to, Alex quick to explain that it was her Auntie Liz and Uncle Bill's house and that her parents lived in New Hampshire.

Arriving at her one bed apartment in Washington Heights Olivia through her bag and coat over the armchair as she sunk into it, closing her eyes and sighing. She hated what she'd been doing to the blonde but she wasn't ready, she wasn't a Lesbian or a bisexual. She just enjoyed being with Alex, was that so wrong?