So I wasn't going to post another chapter until tomorrow but I've a little time on my hands so thought I would. This one's a little longer, it's gonna be a slow burn but I hope you'll stick with me. Thank you to the guest reviewer who left a lovely review, I miss Alex on SVU and have always shipped her and Olivia, so this is as much a pleasure for me to write as I hope it is for you to read.
Alex laughed in disbelief as she looked at the text message she'd just received on her phone, the brunette who had just left her only an hour ago had messaged to say she was sorry and that maybe they just needed some space to work out what this was between them.
Alex knew what this was, for her it was love and for Olivia it was denial. Olivia had repeatedly expressed that she wasn't gay, but had never given Alex a chance to reply. Alex didn't care how Olivia chose to identify, she hated all the labels, and while she identified as lesbian and had only ever been with women, she knew that the brunette had been with men, in fact she knew that she was the first woman Olivia had been with and wished that they would talk about what this was between them, talk about it together, instead of Olivia shutting her out.
Olivia was so gentle when they made love; she always asked Alex if what she was doing was okay, almost as if she didn't trust herself. There was a tenderness to their love making, and afterwards they'd fall asleep, but Olivia was never there when Alex woke up, and sometimes they wouldn't see each other for days afterwards, until Olivia would text asking if she could come over.
Sinking into the bed that evening Alex wished that Olivia was there with her, while she was hurt and angry, her love for the brunette and the need to be held was still strong. Forcing herself not to reply to the message, worried she may give in or reply angrily, Alex closed her eyes, hoping for sleep to overcome her.
Alex didn't hear from Olivia for the rest of the week but a knock on the door early Saturday morning woke her from her sleep. Alex rubbed her eyes and threw on her robe, tying it tightly around her waist; she called out "Hang on" as the knocking continued
She opened the door to see a bedraggled Olivia looking lost and forlorn.
"It's raining"
Alex rolled her eyes in response "I noticed"
"Can I come in?"
Alex sighed "Why, so you can apologise again, we end up in bed and then you leave?"
Olivia attempted to reach out but Alex pulled her hand away, not willing to give in just yet. Her mind wandered back to the first time something had happened between them, it was summer and Alex had been enjoying a coffee in the local café near her Aunt and Uncles when Olivia had entered. Alex had just turned 17, and was in the final year of high school, they'd both been aware of a spark between them, but Olivia tried to pretend it wasn't there and Alex knowing that it was wrong to feel such things for a teacher had made sure she wasn't alone for long with the brunette.
Olivia had smiled at the blonde and Alex had offered the empty seat in front of her to the brunette, they'd talked briefly before Alex announced she was going to walk through central park and asked if Olivia had wanted to join her. They'd spent 2 hours talking, and when they'd gone to say goodbye both women had felt the spark ignite between the brief touching of fingertips and Olivia had been the first to make a move. Alex had melted into the kiss before Olivia sharply pulled away and ran. Two weeks later back at school she had asked to be transferred to take a different class and Alex had found it difficult to concentrate, getting in trouble numerous times by the new English teacher.
"Alex, please. I just want to talk"
Alex sighed as she let Olivia into her apartment, she didn't want to hear the excuses but felt she deserved to give the brunette a chance
"Ok, talk"
Olivia wasn't expecting Alex to give in so easily, and now she was there, she'd become incredibly nervous, she wasn't ready for a relationship but she didn't want things between them to end, removing her jacket and laying it gently on the arm of the sofa, she smiled gently at the blonde
"I'm sorry"
Alex nodded as she sat down on the sofa, regretting the decision instantly as the brunette sat down beside her, their thighs brushing as she did so. Neither woman knew who made the first move but their lips came crashing together, their tongues brushing each others as both women gave in to their desires. Alex knew she should stop, she shouldn't let Olivia in but it felt natural for them to be doing this.
Hands began to tug at the cord around the blonde's waist and she broke the kiss to hastily remove the garment that had been keeping her warm to reveal her nakedness beneath it. Olivia's breath hitched at the sight, her eyes wondering over the blonde's luscious breasts
"You're beautiful," she whispered
Alex reached for the hem of the brunette's t-shirt, her fingers skimming the skin beneath it causing Olivia to gasp at the contact. Lips met again and Alex moaned into it before pulling away from the brunette "I can't Olivia, we cannot do this"
"Al"
"No Olivia, I'm sorry, but I can't do this, unless you're going to stay, I can't"
"Al"
"What?" Alex said, tears brimming in her eyes as she put her robe back on "You're not going to stay are you?
"I'm sorry"
"Olivia, you're always sorry. I'm tired. I'm tired of giving you my heart and then having it crushed every time you leave"
"I know. I'm just not ready…"
"Olivia, when will you be ready, you've been doing the same thing for the past 3 years, and in fact since you first kissed me all those years ago in the park"
"I was your teacher" Olivia tried to reason as she put her t-shirt back on, the moment between them clearly not going to happen
"Yes, and you kissed ME. You made me feel like I'd done something so terrible, you know how I almost messed up my education because of that"
"Al, we've been over this"
"I know Olivia, I know we have but why won't you accept whatever this is between us, why won't you allow yourself to be honest"
Olivia shrugged as she turned away "I…I don't know what this is…I'm not…"
"Gay? I know, you've made that clear Olivia, you fuck me and then leave, but you're not gay. I don't care whether you identify as gay, straight, bisexual or whatever other label, I care that you use me, you know that I love you, but you hurt me and abuse that love for whatever means you're trying to achieve"
"I'm not trying to achieve anything Al, I just…I'm confused, and I don't mean to hurt you, I don't"
"But you do, and I let you back in every time, you leave and then you apologise, saying you're sorry and want to talk, but we don't talk, you touch me and I stupidly give in and the you tear my heart out, and I let you do it. I can't anymore Olivia, I can't let you break my heart because soon I won't be able to fix it"
"Alex…"
"No Olivia, whatever this is, it's over"
What next for these two, will Olivia finally admit how she feels and will Alex continue to let her heart be broken?