Caterina Valentine: My Life.

FlorMorada

I do not own Victorious, or any songs that may be used.

…

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Don't you just hate doctors? Psychologists and psychiatrists and shit? They think they know shit. They think they know you.They fucking don't.

…Uh…sorry.

(This is just a Jade-filler.)

…

Chapter Thirteen

All Better.

…

/Jade./

…

"Pass me the- that screw!"

"I thought that one 'didn't fit'?"

"Well, maybe it does!"

I can't help but scoff at the bickering kids. At least that's what Robbie and Tori are acting like - kids. It's probably giving just as much a headache to André and Beck as it is to me. I know they're doing work, but they're loud and it's annoying.

I'll already be dealing with this sort of shit on my own soon enough, anyway.

Robbie pushes the broken tape player away from him, and Tori drops a variety of screws onto the floor. "I don't know how we can fix this," he says.

Tori makes a noise sounding like both a groan and a sigh. "Robbie, you're supposed to be the fixer for everything."

André seems to agree. "Can't you just pull a magic wand out of that afro of yours and bring Cat's freakin' voice back?"

Robbie rips off his glasses, standing up. "It shouldn't even be gone!" His face reddens as he exclaims, "It's 'cause someone got upset about their reason!"

Beck, on the other side of the RV, leans away from the wall - coincidentally, the boy who's caused this shit is furthest from the scene. "I told you, I'm sorry," he says, annoyed, "I didn't…mean to break the tape player!"

What did he mean to do, then: just jog the machine to miss out his reason and avoid him feeling guilty?

I hold from saying that, though - as much as I want to, Beck is probably not lying. He can't have meant to do that, he couldn't have.

He couldn't have meant to purposely rip Cat away from us.

I suddenly get a feeling in my stomach that I've had enough experience of to know it means that I feel 'bad'.

Or, that the entire contents of my stomach are about to come up.

But no - this one's the feeling bad.

Not bad as in guilty, but sorry for someone; for Beck.

With a sigh, I stand up and walk over to him. "Should we go outside for a bit?" I ask him hesitantly. "It's kind of…hot in here." That, and Robbie seems as though he's about to kill him with his death glare.

Beck shrugs, but walks to the RV door. I follow him down the steps. As we walk out into the driveway it surprises me that the sky's already darkening - Cat's tape can't have been that long.

Or maybe Robbie's been trying to fix the tape player longer than I thought.

I soon realise it's actually just as hot out here as it was in the RV. Beck seems to notice, and looks down at my sweater, which I know he acknowledged before. "Jade, aren't you burning in that?" he asks, and I shake my head, sighing.

"I, er…yeah. But I kind of have to wear it."

I'm worried that Beck's going to press on, but he just raises an eyebrow and leans against the RV.

God,of course I'm burning. I'd love to take this thing off - believe me. I even rolled the sleeves up in an attempt to cool myself down. The sweater's not even mine, it's a giant one of Tori's that she had in the back of her closet.

I had to borrow it one day. I was wearing a shirt I used to wear, before, but I guess it'd got kind of tight. I'd only realised when I got into the car how much I was potentially showing. I had to stop off at Tori's and she grabbed the biggest thing she could find - this giant sweater. I guess I've never remembered to give it back - it's handy though. It covers.

"Did Cat ever tell you about this, Jade?"

It takes a second to realise Beck's talking to me. He's staring at me with a look of confusion- and what looks like guilt. I sit down on the steps of the RV. "What, that she-"

"That she liked me?"

I shake my head. "No. She didn't."

Cat never mentioned she had a crush on my…then boyfriend.

Usually, I'd be mad. So, so mad. If I knew a girl liked Beck knowing full well I had him. I'm not mad though, at all.

Maybe because the girl was Cat.

Maybe because Cat's…dead.

But even if she confessed now, I'd still forgive her.

Maybe the little condition I'm in is messing with my brain. I swear - the stomach 'badness', the inability to often feel mad, my stupid sickness, all of it - I'd have never been like this a few months ago.

"I really didn't mean to break the tape player, you know," Beck says, and, again - Jade, remember you're not out here on your own.

I give him a small smile. "I know, Beck."

He kicks a small stone across the gravel. "It was just…impulse. It kind of hit me that I really am a reason."

"Yeah, I know, that's how I felt. You didn't see me flinging the thing across the room though." Beck stares at me worry in his eyes, and I roll my own eyes. "I'm kidding." I see him relax. "It wasn't cool though."

"I know…"

"We can't just 'buy' another tape player."

Beck lets out a groan. "I know."

"It was all of Cat we'd ever have.

"I get it!" I watch as his eyes drop to the ground.

Shit. I wasn't trying to make him feel worse… "Sorry, man…I didn't mean to-"

"It's okay, Jade." He looks up at me and sighs. "I know, you didn't mean it. It's okay."

And just as things are about to go awkwardly silent, Vega's perky voice suddenly cheers. "Yes!" She pulls open the RV door. "Beck, they need this screwdriver. They said you have one - Robbie just needs it and he's fixed the player."

Beck stands up straight from against the RV. "He- what?"

Tori almost jumps in her place. "Go, go in!"

I quickly inch to the side to allow Beck to pass, and he races up into the RV. "Are you serious?" I ask, and Tori frantically nods. She steps out to sit next to me and I close the RV door. "Oh, thank God."

Cat's not gone.

We can still hear her story.

I suddenly notice Tori's looking at me with that usual, sad look on her face. It's only because of how supportive she's been that I don't get the urge to slap it off her. "You were talking to Beck," she says slowly.

I nod at her. "Yeah."

"Did you tell him?" I raise my eyebrows. "About-"

"Don't say it."

"Jade!"

I shake my head. "I don't want to hear it, Tori!" She sighs, and I roll my eyes. "I've told you. It won't change anything."

Tori frowns at me. "What when he finds out?"

He's not going to find out. "Let's hope he doesn't."

Tori places her hand on my knee - again, months ago, that I would've shrugged off. But not this Jade. "Why don't you let him come to your doctor's appointment?" she asks. "I'd still come, if you want, but then you could let him know and-"

"No…no, Tori." I shake my head again. God, I sound pathetic. "I…one day, okay? I'll tell him one day. But not now. Right now, I'll just let him-"

"Guys!"

And now it's Robbie who's yelling. He swings open the door, his curly-haired head bright red. "Fixed - we fixed the player."

Both Tori and I stand up. "Cat's back?" Tori says, and Robbie nods. "Oh my gosh. You guys are amazing."

The two of them run back in. I sigh, in ultimate relief. The tape player works - Cat's tapes can work. We can hear the rest of her reasons.

Because I'm sure she's got a lot to explain to Beck.

And she's not the only one.

…

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

What's wrong with you, Jade? (Bat's up next - who on Earth knows when? - but they are. Promise.)

…

FlorMorada.